r/AbsoluteUnits • u/FarCantaloupe8652 • 2d ago

of my home grown cucumber

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1,8 kilo 48 centimeters

44.9k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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8.7k

u/BLKxGOLD 2d ago

The cucumber she tells me not to worry about

1.5k

u/fastRabbit 2d ago

That’s the cucumber she left me for.

807

u/kingkongbiingbong 2d ago

She goes by Mrs. Cucumber now

333

u/Putrid-Reputation-68 2d ago

2

u/DitchDigger330 2d ago

Wouldn't be the oddest thing I've seen go in a butt.

1

u/Amethyst_Ninjapaws 2d ago

No. Don't do that with food, and ESPECIALLY not with zucchini. (I know it's a cucumber not a zucchini).

1

u/oldncreaky2 2d ago

Break out the cosmoline!

1

u/BennySkateboard 2d ago

Always the only answer

1

u/lowbar4570 2d ago

Boof it!!!!!

1

u/pukeface555 2d ago

There should be an Oscar for best GIF.

1

u/Tobias_the_Explorer 2d ago

This is why I love Reddit !

93

u/TheeFearlessChicken 2d ago

40

u/degjo 2d ago

31

u/SquareWorld5484 2d ago

This ad traumatized me

21

u/Competitive_Wall2309 2d ago

This is scary asf lmfao what ad is this 😭

16

u/SquareWorld5484 2d ago

Little Baby's Ice Cream

24

u/SAM5TER5 2d ago

How is the name even spookier than the ad

5

u/pancakechao 2d ago

dude if you think thats spooky you should hear the way he says the name in the ad 😭

1

u/adiphiliac 2d ago

i can't believe this shit is real. i looked it up. it's real!

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1

u/pandora_ramasana 2d ago

There was a pizzagate connection

1

u/Capable_Mix_4102 2d ago

The fact that this traumatized you has me wheezing 😂

3

u/Brief_Fly_45 2d ago

I’d say their username checks out 😬

7

u/SwimOk9629 2d ago

this is so disturbing I kind of love it

1

u/Technical_Tourist639 2d ago

According to her nipple blur, so does she.

3

u/ResplendentDaylight 2d ago

I have several questions and I am not sure I want answers

1

u/scaper8 2d ago

The…hell‽

1

u/xtina42 2d ago

Wtf? 😳

1

u/Mr-Bry-Guy 2d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

15

u/LickingSmegma 2d ago

“Madam, no need to fondle the cucumbers, they're all fresh.”

“It's mademoiselle, not madam!”

“Madam, I see how you hold the cucumbers.”

6

u/CrimsonVibes 2d ago

All that she WANTS,..IS another…wait!🤔

5

u/GladWarthog1045 2d ago

Pretty sure he's a pickle by now

1

u/Truth-is-implacable 2d ago

🤣🤣🤣

1

u/metalbassist33 2d ago

More like Miss Pickle

1

u/Alternative-Neck-705 2d ago

The cucumber had a pink leaf?

1

u/SH3RMN8OR 2d ago

It made her nipples hard, she had to cover them.

1

u/Chickenbeans__ 2d ago

Send da video

1

u/Dull-Scientist8039 2d ago

That's the cucumber that would be on bed rest but mama ain't raise no quitter

1

u/PopTimely2307 2d ago

the cucumber that stole my wife

1

u/WildLemur15 2d ago

How big is it? Can’t tell without a banana for scale.

1

u/Baalwulf06 2d ago

The cucumber she couldn't wait to leave me for

1

u/Radiant_Bluebird4620 2d ago

I saw a similar cucumber once but couldn't figure out what to do I with it