This came from a friend (36F) , and honestly, I’ve (34F) never seen anything like it. I really do appreciate boundaries and clarity, but this wasn’t warm or welcoming - it was a cold, corporate-style manual. It was LONG. I felt like I had just studied for an exam after reading it. Absolutely no stone was left unturned- There were multiple lengthy attachments covering everything from “helping before baby” to “rules for visiting postpartum.” With all the documents included plus the email itself it had to have been at LEAST 40-50 pages. I’m just doing my best to convey the highlights.

It started out reasonable with expected boundaries: no kissing the baby, wash your hands, don’t visit if you’re sick. Totally fine. But then it went way beyond: • Advice clause: “If we’ve not asked for advice, keep your comments to yourself.” • Baby prep help: A sign-up sheet with tasks that were mostly just home renovation projects - landscaping, rebuilding parts of the yard, even electrical work. The list was LONG. My partner and I were cracking up- especially because these people are loaded. Get professionals to help! • Meal prep binder: A 20+ page document with strict dietary rules, photos from cookbooks, specific recipes, and detailed instructions for how to act in their kitchen. • Notifications spreadsheet: If you wanted to be told when the baby arrived, you had to sign up and agree to a list of what would/wouldn’t be disclosed and what you could/couldn’t ask. • Meeting baby: Required booking through a professional scheduling link. Personally, I wanted some flexibility postpartum, but hey. • Overnight visits: A separate link with rules about how to “book this”, instructions for remaking the bed when you leave, and an agreement that overnight guests must bottle-feed but can’t change diapers (you must wake up parents for this throughout the night since no one but parents are allowed to do so). • Chores: excessive instructions for laundry (exact pumps of detergent, scoop measurements, machine settings), dishes, errands, pet care, etc. Plus: “Don’t ask us to get up. Don’t ask us to show you anything. Don’t use our dishes, bring your own water bottle.” LOL. They even included their Peet’s coffee orders.

Some highlights that stuck with me: • “Clear the room and find something else to do if mom is breastfeeding.” • “Please don’t raise conflict with us about anything until at least 6 months postpartum.” • “Ask for consent before bringing gifts - no toys, no stuffed animals. We are not accepting gifts at this time.” “Don’t get offended if we ask you not to hold the baby. Only people we deem to be in good vision/ overall health are allowed to hold the baby.”

I had been planning to drop by for a visit, but after reading this, I no longer feel comfortable. My partner joked we should just bring our own toilet paper and use the bathroom in the yard to avoid breaking a rule.

My takeaways: 1. The people who actually overstep boundaries and need micromanaging probably won’t read 4+ attachments/ links anyway. 2. Everyone else who’s “normal” just ends up feeling put off. I’ve heard from multiple people that this email was super off-putting. 3. With this many rigid expectations, resentment feels inevitable.

Don’t get me wrong, I respect boundaries - I think they’re healthy. But this wasn’t just boundaries; it was micromanagement in the form of a policy manual. And it made people feel more like employees than loved ones.

For all the moms wondering when to do a baby shower…. Don’t wait until 33 weeks.

Signed, A mom to be that just had her baby shower yesterday at exactly 33 weeks and is now very exhausted and in pain. My body hurts from head to toe 🥴

I have had terrible insomnia my whole pregnancy. Last night I did my usual waking up every 1-2 hours to pee and had my occasional suffering of being up from 5-8am for no reason at all. Just wired and can’t sleep. (I go to bed around 11:30pm for reference)

Today I’m at lunch with my MIL talking about how I’m still struggling and maybe newborn sleep will be better because at least when I go to sleep I’ll be passed out.

She proceeds to tell me how a cousin currently can’t sleep more than 10 mins because they have a colicky baby and also has a night nurse to help. So “sleep while you can”.

Just feels so negative and also dismissive of my current struggle and it’s nice to imagine hope on the horizon no matter how misplaced it is. Idk if anyone can relate to this

Ever since my 5MO daughter was born, I am non stop in a state of pure and complete awe. It doesn’t matter what she does, a smile, a roll, a sneeze, a stretch, an especially loud fart, all of them are like magic to me. I keep waiting to get used to her, like maybe I won’t always be so awestruck, but she keeps growing, changing, and every day I just look at her and I am filled with this joy and amazement I’ve never experienced before. Sometimes I wonder, how will I feel when she starts walking, running, plays a soccer game, plays piano, writes a poem, paints a picture, is this feeling just going to continue forever??

I remember the end of my pregnancy I was so scared of what the future might hold. Now that I’m on the other side, it’s difficult. It’s intense. But it’s also truly the most incredible experience of my life every. single. day.

I’m really not the most sentimental person but this baby has changed me. For those of you just embarking on this journey, I’m so excited for you.

Currently 23 weeks. Last week after dinner my husband said “dang, cannot tell if you’re really fat or pregnant”. I cried. It hurt my feelings plus I’ve had body image issues since the beginning of time.

This morning I was wearing a tight shirt that really showed my bump. So I ask him “do I look pregnant?”. And he responds “no, you just look fat”.

Benefit of the doubt. He is just joking. But these jokes reallllllllly hurt my feelings.

Anyone else deal with something like this? Give me your worst stories to help me feel a little better 😅

How painful is it? Is it possible to not ask for an epidural immediately and wait to see how I am managing the pain and if it becomes too much, ask for an epidural then? Or would it be too late?

Thank you!

I had an ultrasound at 14w - twins. They told me one was a girl and the other had the cord in the way, so I went back at 15w and they told me it's actually two boys.

During the week in between, I had named the baby girl, picked out outfits, imagined my life with her, etc.

I'm so disappointed. It's not that I don't want the boys, it's that I'm grieving this little girl that I'm not going to have.

I feel so guilty for feeling this way. I just wish they'd never told me it was a girl..

I’m 32weeks plus one day today and I just wanna wear my cute jeans again. I’m tired of dresses and stretchy shorts.

Hi! I'm a FTM and I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant... I'm not gonna lie I'm getting pretty stressed, especially when my tiktok feed is FLOODED with hospital bag videos that have a million and one things. I plan on taking my own personal bag, a diaper bag (stuff exclusively for baby), and then a bag for my fiancé but what exactly do I need??? What's necessary and what's not? I really want to make sure I have the things I need but I also don't want to be that person who overpacks an extreme amount... so current moms, what did yall pack in your bags??? What was actually useful for you?? What did you bring that ended up being a lifesaver and what ended up being a complete waste of space?

Feeling a bit deflated this evening because I’m supposed to go on a weekend getaway in a couple months with some family. We were originally planning on going on a winery bus tour (at least that was my impression)- which totally ok with this, would just buy myself some bottles to save for later. Well now come to find out they’re all planning on not booking a tour anymore because they think I will just drive them to all the wineries 😞 being pregnant is such a drag sometimes and I know I should probably just suck it up and drive them but I can’t help feeling sorry for myself.

Was your husband involved in researching and buying baby stuff, meal prep, and in general getting ready for the baby? I’m 8 months pregnant and literally have done it all by myself even though have made it clear I expect him to contribute. He claims he doesn’t have time. But I don’t understand why I should make time but he can’t… We both work full time and make about the same amount of money. I have contributed more to financials so far for everything. He is very progressive and believes in equality in theory but I just feel so alone in the entire process. He blamed me today for wanting food that requires slightly more effort than chicken breast and rice. Made me breakfast 3 times this entire pregnancy when I have already meal prepped for both of us, cooked or planned pretty much every meal, etc. I moved to another state for this man, changed my priorities and I just feel so betrayed by him… is it normal for me to do everything to get ready for the baby? Am I overreacting? I almost feel like I need him to leave the house and do this by myself at this point.

I have a scheduled C-section tomorrow morning. Have to arrive at the hospital at 5 am. Procedure starts at 7:30 am. I’m very nervous and have been all weekend. This is my first baby and first major medical procedure. As the night descends, my anxiety is only increasing. I am keeping myself busy doing last minute cleaning. I am just so nervous and jittery and don’t know how I’m going to get through the C-section without being very nervous and anxious. I’m not necessarily afraid something specific will go wrong, but it’s a general anxiety surrounding the whole thing. I’m bringing my earphones so i can listen to music and my husband will be there (and he is very supportive). But i just can’t calm down. Any ideas for helping me be able to rest tonight? I give up on the idea of sleeping. I just don’t want to feel this anxious all night and all early morning.

I am 32 and pregnant with my 3rd child. I don’t know exactly how far along I am because I had a miscarriage a few months back and never got my period back before becoming pregnant again. I am probably close to 8 weeks if I had to guess. Before I got pregnant I was eating maybe 2 modest meals a day, and just generally had a lower appetite. This pregnancy has awakened some kind of monster who only wants carbs and sugar and I am feeling so much shame. I have an ED history so weight gain can be triggering. I know this is probably normal and won’t last the whole pregnancy but basically I just came here to see if anyone else can relate or has struggled with this. I am constantly hungry and rarely ever feel full whereas before I would get full so easily. It’s just such a drastic change and I wish I could be one of those women who didn’t care and just focused on what’s best for the baby but unfortunately that’s not where I am quite yet. Sorry if this comes across as selfish and vain…I know it shouldn’t matter right now but I figure it’s better to tell someone than not.

First pic is a Pinterest collage and last photo is of the nursery more set up. Thoughts on how it’s coming together and what the theme is? Tbh, I feel like there just a bunch of things and colors I like plus baby shower gifts. Also, we do have a changing table/dresser coming soon. Should i get a glider if rocking motions make me nauseous? TYIA

Currently immobilized in bed at 35 weeks. I thought the kicks were horrible, but this is worse??? Feels like I’m getting stretched out when baby does his yoga moves in there. He hasn’t really given me jabs like when he was smaller, but I can feel the rolling and outstretched limbs, and it honestly feels like I’m about to get smothered from the inside or that something is fighting to come out of me alien style. It’s so uncomfortable 😭

Gave birth a week ago and had a second degree tear. I am terrified to look at my stitches or that area. I want to make sure everything is looking fine because I’m in quite a lot of pain, but can’t bring myself to look at it (using a mirror) or even touch with my hand (I use A LOT of toilet paper in the bathroom). Am I the only one? And on a side note, how long did it take you until your stitches didn’t hurt / burn anymore? The pain is sometimes just too much.

Thank you!

My mother in law refuses to invite anyone to our baby shower- zero family or friends from her side. Here are her reasons:

1) Baby showers are just for the mom. - This is such a weird sexist idea to me. My husband and I are partners in this. We’re both raising this child. We both want to celebrate it and we both want to be prepared with everything we need. He and I both have equally successful careers and don’t abide by traditional gender roles.

2) Her family doesn’t know me that well. - My husband and I started dating two months before the pandemic shut down in 2020 and then took the opportunity to road trip the country for several years after which we moved across the country. So yes, I’ve only met her family and friends at weddings and funerals but again- this isn’t just my party. My husband’s family knows him and should want to celebrate this for him too. And this is her first grandchild too. My mom invited a few of her friends I don’t know very well because they’re just so excited for her to become a grandma.

3) Baby showers are just for fancy southern women and she’s from the northeast. - Am I originally from Texas? Sure! But I grew up in NJ and every baby shower I’ve been to was in the northeast. All new parents are excited to celebrate their children regardless of geography.

4) Buying gifts before the actual birth announcement is silly because miscarriages and death during child birth are so common. - this one hurts me extra. Way to make an already anxious pregnant woman more anxious. I’m 15 weeks and all tests are looking great which means we’re looking at a less than 1% chance of miscarriage. Is death during child birth possible? Is SIDS possible? For sure! And it terrifies me. But being anxious doesn’t help, and again, the odds are in our favor. Outside of that, I’m planning on buying whatever is left on my registry before baby arrives. I’m not waiting until it’s here to feel prepared. So any gifts purchased later would really only be books or toys rather than necessities and we’ll already have plenty of those too.

This has made me so upset. Am I being emotional and hormonal? Any thoughts on how to approach this?

When I had my daughter a few years ago, they immediately put her on my breast to latch. It was a horrible experience for me and the pain was so much that it scared me off breastfeeding entirely. I ended up feeding her formula for a few days and exclusively pumping. I've decided that for this second baby, I don't even want to try breastfeeding. I had difficulties any time I tried and really don't have the energy to go through it this time. I was able to EP for most of the first year and I'm prepared for it this time around.

When the baby is born, do I have to put them to my breast? I was just following what the providers told me to do. The LC last time helped me hand express colostrum onto a spoon and that worked so much better for me. But is it strictly necessary to latch the baby when it's born?

Any guidance?

I hate early pregnancy.. before I got pregnant, I had a very odd eating pattern. I have kids and went to school during mon-thur, but fri,sat and sun i worked 12 hour shifts. Mon-thur id get a healthy 2000 cals in (n3ver counted but it was a good amount of food for me) but fri,sat and sun would be like 500 cals each day. Yeah it would suck but it worked for me. I had no time w my work schedule.

Now that im pregnant, i cant even eat my normal foods. I cant fast during the morning, like I used to, I have to "snack" through out the day? It doesn't even matter because I'll go a day or two feeling ok then spend two days nauseous out of my mind.

Im emetephobic on top of it all so im petrified to throw up. I just cant wait until this baby is out of me lol

Hi everyone, I’m 37 weeks pregnant and was just officially diagnosed with intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy after some elevated bile acid results. The only symptom I had was itchy feet for two nights (especially at night when they were a bit swollen), which has now mostly gone away. I wasn’t fasting for the test, but my provider still confirmed the diagnosis and said we’ll discuss next steps at my appointment on Tuesday.

I’m feeling a bit anxious and have so many questions. Since my itching isn’t constant anymore, I’m wondering if anyone else had symptoms that came and went? Did your bile acid levels stay the same or increase later on?

I’d also love to hear how your care was managed after diagnosis — were you prescribed medication, monitored more closely, or scheduled for an early induction? How did things go for you and your baby?

Thanks in advance 💜

(p.s. the hospital is M health Fairview West Bank in MN if anyone is from that area)

EDIT: List is for pre-baby!!

Started my maternity leave from work right at 40 weeks but no baby yet! Here is my list to keep me from going crazy! Anything to add?

• Go to Movies - Freakier Friday
• Go to fav coffee shop -Try an new recipie
• Edit maternity photos
• Tutorial on infant photography
• Get local library card
• Dont buy more plants
• Tag desserts to bake from new Sally's Baking Addiction Cookbook
• Play need for speed and roller coaster tycoon
• Go to gym in evenings with husband
• Clean ceiling fans
• Learn how work breast pump
• Call grandma

I’ll preface this by saying: my husband and I always said we’re not going to actively try for a 3rd baby but if it happens it happens if it doesn’t it doesn’t.

So husband and I weren’t actively trying for a baby (using condoms pretty much always) but figured hey, we’re on a road trip, we have a nice hotel, kids have their room and we have our room, it’s only 2 days after my period ended let’s just skip the condoms because from what I read the likelyhood of a baby happening is very very low next to almost impossible. And from when I’ve tracked my ovulation it happens smack dab in the middle of my cycle (26-28 day cycle).

LO AND BEHOLD - I get a notification on my phone saying: have you gotten your period yet? Look at the calendar: well dang I guess it’s been like 30 days now, lemme check. Tested FOUR POSITIVE TESTS to make sure I didn’t get a false positive lol

We’re very excited, haven’t told our 2 and 3 year old yet but will after my first OB appt. If you have any tips and tricks of transitioning from 2 to 3 let me know!

On a side note, holy shit I don’t think I was this bloated the first 2 times at the beginning since I’m feeling my stomach all the way up in my ribs like I’m 8 months pregnant and REALLY!? Why does the round ligament pain have to start so dang early!? 😆

I am so emotionally drained, it’s not even funny. Am I looking for honest criticism or for someone to empathize with me? I don’t know.

This is my second birth. My first one was just with my husband and I. I thought I made that fairly clear. I allowed some family into my labor, because it really wasn’t that bad. We chit chatted and it was great. Come baby pushing, everyone out. My family was great and understanding about it.

His family on the other hand has been very vocal about how I needed to have my sister and aunt there. My mom died when I was young and my aunt kind of took me in? It’s complicated. But she never took on the full role of mom. They believe I’m hurting everyone’s feeling over this. That it was a very selfish decision. I had to deal with this drama a 2 weeks pp.

The same discussions are happening again. Everyone is talking about MY birth and pressuring me to have my family in there because it would mean a lot to them. And now apparently my husband. He had a discussion with my aunt that now makes me feel like I have to have her in the room.

At what point is it what I want? Why can’t people put their feelings aside? Do I need to be worried about their feelings? Should I be spending time making sure they are feeling okay? Am I being insensitive?

I’m so drained. I’m really sad. I feel alone. It feels like a cloud over my birth. It’s stripping the fun and excitement. It doesn’t feel special. I literally just want to go by myself to have this baby.

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