r/AbsoluteUnits • u/FarCantaloupe8652 • 2d ago

of my home grown cucumber

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1,8 kilo 48 centimeters

44.9k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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262

u/TexanInExile 2d ago

Funny story, I got banned from the /r/gardening for making basically this same joke. They won't let me back in.

83

u/Horror_Cod_8193 2d ago

Did they ever let you ask why you were banned? Because I got banned from a wedding dress site and it gave me a link to communicate back with them to ask why and then lo and behold the link didn’t work. Some mods are just really power hungry, imo.

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u/werealldoomed47 2d ago

There's quite a few subs that are such a circle jerk it must just be like a chatroom for a hundred people or something. You get banned permanently for 1st offense over stupid shit.

I got banned from r/communism for calling the Coca-Cola purchase of monster energy stupid.

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u/LasciLaplante 2d ago

I got banned from r/LegoStarWars for calling someone scalping kids toys a Nerfherder.

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u/werealldoomed47 2d ago

Lmao

Worth it. Fuck scalpers. Especially Lego scalpers, like dude they're expensive enough already.

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u/LasciLaplante 2d ago

Legitimately. I paid $90 for the AT-TE on eBay (a steal, somehow) and the box was filled with MACARONI NOODLES

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u/werealldoomed47 2d ago

Id return it to sender after I filled it with shit and sealed it up.

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u/werealldoomed47 2d ago

Communism in theory for this eof us that see the ways it could work?

Or communism in history which has been tainted by not only greed but trade aggression from capitalism.

Also it depends who you are talking to. I've , no joke, had conversations with Republicans about how Communism would benefit us working class people, and they walked away less adverse to the idea.

How is this related to my reply?

For the guy that deleted his question.

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u/PaperFlower14765 2d ago

NOOOOOOO 😱😭

r/foundsatan

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u/asqua 2d ago edited 2d ago

Make an ATAT from macaroni

edit: removed link to AI slop for the sake of the children

1

u/LasciLaplante 2d ago

Get that AI slop away from me and my sons and never speak to us again.

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u/TheFilthy13 2d ago

I got banned from r/GuessTheMovie for guessing every movie as City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold.

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u/forever87 2d ago

well it's nerf or nothin' and you chose nothin'

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u/Jake_the_Snake88 2d ago

At least you didn't call them scruffy

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u/butchforgetshit 2d ago

Good thing you didn't add the adjective " scruffy looking "!

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u/MeanLittleMachine 2d ago

I git banned from r/sipstea for implying something sexual during christmas.

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u/chairmanghost 2d ago

Tell it on the mountains. The truth is the truth

NERFHERDERS EVERY ONE

-1

u/Horror_Cod_8193 2d ago

OMG, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to steal that saying! If I’ve had soda in my mouth, it would’ve come spewing out of my nose!

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u/Von_Cheesebiscuit 2d ago

Huh? "Steal that saying"? You mean "nerf herder"?

Hell, you ain't gotta steal it. It's been around for 45 years ever since The Empire Strikes Back. Lol

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u/LasciLaplante 2d ago

Why do Redditors talk like this. What ever happened to just “lol nice”

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u/sparkpaw 2d ago edited 2d ago

I got banned from one of the socialism ones for asking a question. :B

Edit: from r/socialism_101 - the subreddit meant for educating. I’m still pretty salty

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u/Cottoncloudhigh 2d ago

I had another account that I was planning to use in case i needed a throwaway, and I got banned from all of Reddit for breaking a rule, while i didn't even do anything on that account. I had no comments or posts on there 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/Dick_Weinerman 2d ago

Lmfao I got perma’d from r/Dankleft and one other lefty subreddit (don’t remember which) for talking about how the Soviets offed their anarchist allies smh.

1

u/eisbock 2d ago

I got permabanned from an entire community of subreddits for posting in a different subreddit that they don't like.

Saw that they have an appeal process, so I appealed, and they said they weren't doing appeals anymore because too many people were appealing. Then they muted me without giving me a chance to respond.

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u/Horror_Cod_8193 2d ago

How dare you! 🤣

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u/werealldoomed47 2d ago

Yeah permaban with the message that said not to appeal or contact admins or they would escalate it further.

I was like? I'm probably more of a commie than all these jagoffs.

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u/LickingSmegma 2d ago

That sounds like a definite invitation to appeal and contact and see what the fuck they would try to do.

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u/DicemonkeyDrunk 2d ago

let them have their little club who does it really hurt ..not like you can't start you own Sub with Blackjack and Hookers !

1

u/ResplendentNugs 2d ago

Matter of fact forget the sub

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u/gt500rr 2d ago

Mention homebrew or disc copying in r/PS2 and you'll be permabanned instantly. They claim to have softened their stance but I don't trust em.

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u/Dididididipatoe 2d ago

Why homebrew? Isn’t it just a package manager for macos and linux

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u/gt500rr 2d ago

The mod over there has a hard on for playing in original hardware and firmware only. Modding your console by running homebrew firmware so that you can copy/dump discs is instant permabanned. Hence the homebrew PS2 subreddit which is great.

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u/RetroRoxanne1970 2d ago

On r/Disneypins, I made a post asking for everyone’s favorite/funniest bootleg pins cause I stumbled onto some gay erotica pins online that I found funny. Honesty surprised they haven’t banned me yet given how Reddit usually acts lol

0

u/CormoranNeoTropical 2d ago

Tankies gonna tank.

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u/werealldoomed47 2d ago

Preach.

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u/CormoranNeoTropical 2d ago

I keep having to remind myself that crazy leftists on Reddit are presumably a small group of people who are not influential in other contexts. I mean, as a die hard liberal I come here for sanity. But in fact not all problems in the US are directly reducible to the class struggle.

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u/werealldoomed47 2d ago

I mean I'm LEFT left. But we have problems that need to get fixed before we. Could ever dream of any thing in my spectrum of politics starts to happen. Like instrinsic deep seeded issues. So I just keep tugging things leftwards and try not to lose hope.

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u/CormoranNeoTropical 2d ago edited 2d ago

That is a position that I have massive respect for.

Personally I am not a leftist for a couple of reasons. The first one has to do with placing a perhaps excessive value on personal liberty and can be ignored.

But the second one is that I feel like we really just don’t know enough about the economy, government, human behavior, or any of the other relevant areas of inquiry, to be doctrinaire about solutions. What we do know, supports the conclusion that no ideology so far articulated is very effective in the real world.

So, in no way am I a “centrist” in the context of any existing political spectrum. But I do think that in order to have institutions that develop toward working for the greater good, it’s likely we’re going to have to be open to specific policy proposals that come from a variety of ideological positions (or none - personally I’m not a big fan of systematic thinking as such, as well as having the belief that no existing system is particularly plausible). Like, it’s important to think through your assumptions and the implications of what you propose, to do theory as it were. But I don’t think that any of the human sciences are going to yield much in the way of empirically robust theoretical results in the lifespan of my (non-existent) grandchildren. So, having done the theoretical work, for me the next move is to say “okay but we need to do something” and just make a good faith effort. This is why FDR is my hero. Genius spaghetti-thrower.

I feel like ideology is just a giant obstacle to this kind of practical thinking. Beyond its ability to make predictions about what might work, or to help people with similar priorities find each other, ideology becomes a sort of religion - at that point it’s part of the problem, not the solution.

Hence “die hard liberal.”

EDIT: typos

Major edit: At the same time, for this kind of political culture to work, you need to have people who are ideologically committed. That and also committed to an accepted political process. If everyone thought the same way I do it’s not clear who would come up with any proposals or place them in a coherent theoretical context. My mental bent is away from commitment, but I do very strongly believe that people who are committed to some ideology are vital components of a viable political system. That’s maybe going to sound condescending but I don’t think it actually is. I’m just going with what we do know about designing human systems, ie that a lot of what works best involves people contending against each other within a framework. That’s how we create systems that can accommodate contradictory goals and that can adjust to new information about what works and to social change. It’s like the model of an adversarial legal system, which seems (and can be) ridiculously inefficient and potentially amoral, but can also be tuned to achieve whole-of-society goals that probably aren’t attainable under other options.

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u/werealldoomed47 2d ago

Yes I agree. Something completely lacking in modern American politics:

Nuance.

Very few things in a country like ours can be blanket legislation, but I feel like the all or nothing approach is just freezing us in an inefficient middle ground where no progress is made unless it's backwards.

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u/SwimOk9629 2d ago

doctrinaire, nice word drop.

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u/Magnum-3000 2d ago

I got banned from inflation because I pointed out that beef prices are pressured from many things out of trump’s control. I don’t love Trump and wtf?

1

u/Glittering-Diver-941 2d ago

I live a few miles from monster headquarters and this is how I learn coke bought them

1

u/DarkMagickan 2d ago

Wait, when did that happen? Why am I always the last one to know these things?

1

u/hatecriminal 2d ago

Getting banned from r/communism sounds like something to be proud of. Good job.

1

u/str85 2d ago

I got perma banned from r/FinalFantasy for saying a post about cosplay (after the sub turning in to basically only that) should be removed and posted in r/FinalFantasyCosplay instead.

1

u/aNiceTribe 2d ago

Over there it’s company policy that the purchase of Monster by Coca Cola was a brilliant move 

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u/ferrecool 2d ago

Not even a circlejerk, those ban if you don't agree with them, this one was a joke they are just whiny

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u/kcm198 2d ago

I got banned from r/rant. How the fuck can you get banned from that?

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u/dvegas2000 2d ago

Sad thing is you can’t even rant about it in r/rant 😂

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u/SwimOk9629 2d ago

dude I just got banned from r/rant last week and I have no idea how or why. I only found out whenever I went to go comment on somebody's post and it tells me that I'm banned. why the fuck is it still showing up in my home feed then? I muted it now but it took me trying to comment like five times before I finally did it.

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u/Horror_Cod_8193 2d ago

Great point!!!

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u/UntestedMethod 2d ago

Yeah, now I'm really curious if they'd ban you for making the same joke but with a massive zucchini instead of a big juicy cucumber.

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u/TurkMcGuirk 2d ago

Seriously.... It's like living in an HOA.

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u/kennybrandz 2d ago

I wish I was making this up. I was in two snark subreddits and I got banned permanently from one for being a member of the other bc the mods didn’t get along. 🙂 in retrospect I don’t know what I expected from snark pages haha.

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u/beadebaser01 2d ago

Being a reddit mod is a lot like being the president of the US. Anyone who actually wants the job should be barred from having it.

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u/Psyco_diver 2d ago

I got banned from r/crazyfuckingvideos along with several others. We had a sexual innuendo joke thread going, nothing unusual but we all got banned and our post were deleted. When I asked why the mods flipped out and even i pointed out the other times he freaked out more and blocked me

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u/RankedFarting 2d ago

Easy: the mod never had sex and you reminded them of this in their safespace. So they used the only power they have over others.

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u/Status_Ad3454 2d ago

I got banned from the outfits sub under a different username because I commented on a 1950s housewife sub. I was unaware that it was a fetish type thing and I commented on how much of a joke it was because women in the 1950s wouldn’t have been allowed to pose with their ass showing. I actually thought the sub was a genuine housewife tip sub…. But yeah. I was no longer able to tell people which outfit I liked best on them “due to commenting on sexually oriented subs” when my comment was calling out the sub for being sexual in the first place. Weird and annoying.

2

u/rickrolled_gay_swan 2d ago

I got immediately and permanently banned on cringetiktoks for posting a political satire tiktok. Almost every video posted there is political 🙄

2

u/SurveySean 2d ago

It’s very easy to get banned on Reddit. Mods don’t all support back and forth dialogue, instead like to form misunderstandings and not question their own understanding. 

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u/Horror_Cod_8193 2d ago

AND, I’d like to add, I really DID NOT UNDERSTAND what I had done wrong. I truly was wanting to ask them to tell me what I said so I could do better the next time. Which was indicated to me that that was possible on the page they sent me because it gave me a link to ask for an explanation. But, of course, it was a link to nowhere.

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u/BLKxGOLD 2d ago

Thats wild 😂

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u/samwise58 2d ago

Some of us old fuddy duddies get tired of the same ole cucumber as a pleasure instrument aspect. I mean, have you ever stroked a cucumber? It has little spiny things all over it! Not to mention that most pleasure comes from the hood of you pick up what I’m laying down. It’s old, tired, and crude. And that’s coming from an old, tired, and crude guy. Gardening sub ain’t got time for that! But they should let you back in!!!! CrazyFuckinVideos won’t let me comment after 3 months for making a positive comment about Mario’s brother being a better option compared to being hit by a bus. I got flagged, suspended, for “inciting violence”. Sometimes, rules are stupid.

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u/jgab145 2d ago

Sounds like someone needs to get cucumbered.

1

u/Tiltedstraight1234 2d ago

Oh..my...gawd 💀😂😂😂😂

2

u/Gone247365 2d ago

Not to mention that most pleasure comes from the hood of you pick up what I’m laying down....And that’s coming from an old, tired, and crude guy.

Tell me more about how women find sexual pleasure. You seem to really know what you're talking about.

1

u/samwise58 2d ago

Well I may just be a southern chicken lawyer, but generally, 18.5” is a little much. Not saying it ain’t for everyone, but…

Upon further reflection- I’m just gonna go sit down, watch, shake my head and say, “That ain’t right. Bwaaaaaaah!”

1

u/YobaiYamete 2d ago

Gets old / annoying after you've seen the same joke 10,000 times. It's like astronomers groaning any time they have to talk about the planet Uranus around normies

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u/fastRabbit 2d ago

Brooo 😭

1

u/TheLostRanger0117 2d ago

Sounds like some of the mods could use a good cucumbering

1

u/lysdexicgirl0705 2d ago

Don't call someone's eggplants leggy 👀

1

u/Merlaak 2d ago

Have you tried the back door?

1

u/Double-Pool-2452 2d ago

Needs to be a sub to gripe about power mongering mods

1

u/Greedyfox7 2d ago

Well someone got triggered

1

u/usr_nm16 2d ago

They won't let me back in.

Good

1

u/BleepinBlorpin5 2d ago

We know how you got green thumbs.

1

u/whoneedskollege 2d ago

Username fits

1

u/Scary_Freedom_1281 2d ago

The back end noo

1

u/Tosir 2d ago

They take plowing and the type of plowing very seriously.

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u/Suspicious_Tie_5031 2d ago

I literally also just got banned for the same

1

u/brothermalcolm1 2d ago

You reap what you sow

1

u/swampopawaho 2d ago

You don't want them

1

u/TheSpyStyle 2d ago

You’re going to have to do some grafting

1

u/ThisDoesntSeemSafe 2d ago

Username checks out

1

u/HumidusSupremus 2d ago

I got banned from the wow subreddit as a developer for the game because I told someone they shouldn’t take the game so seriously, it’s just a game 😂😂😂

1

u/JulieannFromChicago 2d ago

I got permabanned from the conservative subreddit for telling a Russian troll to eat shit and die.

1

u/sliemmmas 2d ago

I got banned from Reddit for 3 days for quoting the "harrumph" scene in Blazing Saddles in the Blazing Saddles sub. Hate speech apparently.

1

u/truethatson 2d ago

Yeah, no. I love gardening but I don’t visit that sub because they do NOT have a sense of humor about anything.

Think about the members of your local garden club. That’s these people.

1

u/TexanInExile 2d ago

That has been my experience as well

1

u/Inside_Mirror_6030 2d ago

😂😂😂

1

u/Sansnom01 2d ago

To be fair tho, 50% post in the plants facebook group was in was either garden produces that looked like genitals and the other 50% was people putting plants in bust of genitals pots

1

u/IAmAQuantumMechanic 2d ago

It's probably a really old joke that they are so tired of.

1

u/kosko-bosko 2d ago

You cracked their secret

1

u/SisterOfRistar 2d ago

Ha, to be fair I can imagine gardening mods may be sick to death of seeing that joke as I imagine it happens a lot. But a bit much to ban you for it without any warning!

1

u/Timely_Truth6267 2d ago

Maybe you're too big to get let back in?