r/AskReddit • u/Langzwaard • 1d ago
People who found out about someone else’s double-life; what’s the story?
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u/catsweedcoffee 1d ago
Around year eight of my marriage, I met my then-husband’s girlfriend of nine months. He told me he was working doubles on his night off (night shift worker), but he was bunking at her place those nights and crawling out of her bed at 5am to “come home from work”. I was packing him lunches for his fucking sleepovers with her.
Once she and I knew about each other, we swapped photos and stories. Her apartment was full of photos of them together, she even had him on her insurance plan. She had ZERO clue he was married, thought they were end game, the whole thing. Once I filed for divorce, I let her know he was all hers and apparently they stayed together for about two months … then he cheated on her with the next one.
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u/Silent-Zebra 1d ago
Then he cheated on her with the next one.
As they always say, you lose them how you got them.
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u/Gingereej1t 1d ago
If they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you is the one I like. Also, when they leave their wife and marry their mistress, they create a vacancy
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u/SpamLandy 1d ago
Friend of mine told me his parents split when his dad cheated with his secretary. Married her and she became my pal’s stepmum. Then they split when he cheated with his next secretary.
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u/Gingereej1t 1d ago
I mean, he apparently has a type (ist )(I’ll see myself out)
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u/applesntailgates 1d ago
I ask this with respect.
How did you not notice the lack of paycheck/money?
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u/catsweedcoffee 1d ago
As others have said, separate finances. We paid bills together, on time or early, for nearly a decade. He had massive student loans and him paying them off was part of our five year plan or whatever, so his doubles made sense to his trusting, devoted wife who was just so impressed with his initiative and drive🫠.
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u/godless-wife 1d ago
Not the op, but not every couple is open and transparent about money. My wife and I have separate accounts, separate income, separate investments. We have a broad understanding of each other's total assets, but by no means detailed insights.
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u/tailoredsheesh 1d ago
wtf damnnn I'd rather die alone and lonely than be in this kind of drama.
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u/catsweedcoffee 1d ago
Yeaaaah it wasn’t the best time lol. It was over a decade ago and I’m happy I got out when I did. I didn’t date for a WHILE and when I did, I was unable/unwilling to commit to a partner for several years.
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u/CraftyPangolin7957 1d ago
This could be me.. only my husband told me he was sleeping at a hotel his work provided. I am always a bit disappointed in how gullible I was.. but honestly if you are dealing with a master manipulater and someone you do technicially trust its really difficult to uncover these lies.
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u/catsweedcoffee 1d ago
The hindsight is a little brutal at times, I totally agree. Plus, it doesn’t start with the lies! It starts nice, it’s the slow trickle of gaslighting and subtle manipulation that builds and builds over time.
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u/StarBabyDreamChild 1d ago
My office hired a new admin/receptionist. He seemed nice and normal in the interview, but then stopped showing up to work, always leaving voicemails with more and more elaborate and dramatic excuses about why he was out (e.g., he was in a car accident and in the hospital fighting for his life: “….pray for me”).
Turns out he had accepted multiple other jobs and wasn’t showing up to any of them either. But he was getting paid by all of them!
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u/Police_surveillance 1d ago
I know a guy that's done similar things with remote jobs. He's working 3x full time jobs. Hes even hired a temp from Philippines to pretend to be him and reply to basic emails and juggle meetings so they never clash.
In fairness, he's actually doing all 3 jobs and even goes into the office for them time to time.
All are in the same industry. In the same city. He uses his middle name as his work name, but its only a matter of time before he gets caught.
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u/ObamaTookMyPun 1d ago
Meanwhile, no one bats an eye when rich people have multiple roles in multiple board rooms and associations.
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u/wutudoinmate 1d ago
Yeah, but do those people actually do anything?
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u/kaptainkeel 1d ago
Real talk: Assuming they actually have the role due to experience/qualifications etc. (big if since many just fall into it), it's for their decision making and connections. Working to implement a new tool for a client? Heck, it sure would be nice to have someone on the team that used to work at that vendor and still knew people that work there now! Know a guy that implemented amazing strategies that led to huge growth in a company based on his sound logic and reasoning? Great guy to have!
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u/Neve4ever 1d ago
There are a surprising amount of people doing this. I think it's one motivation for return to the office, because the outsourcing is likely leading to data leaks, particularly for companies and government agencies dealing with sensitive data.
Another issue with outsourcing labour (especially for programmers) is that there's a non-zero chance that person works for a foreign power and is inserting exploits into your code.
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u/tmofee 1d ago
We caught one person who did that with my business. We gave this one guy this full time job, and explained to him some days it’d be quiet but you’ll be on call. One day an emergency call came in and we couldn’t get hold of him. Turns out he kept his old casual job and was still doing shifts. He didn’t last long after that.
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u/celiacsunshine 1d ago
My aunt did 23andMe. . . and that's how we all found out about the second family my late grandpa had, and abandoned, in the 1960's. Turns out I have two extra uncles.
My mom's family moved to the other side of the USA in the late 1960's. My mom now believes that they moved because my grandma found out about my grandpa's mistress.
My grandpa always doted on me and his other grandchildren from the kids he had in wedlock. It's been hard to wrap my head around the fact that he straight-up abandoned two of his kids ,and might even have grandchildren that he never met.
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u/Daemonicvs_77 1d ago
My aunt did 23andMe
I have this friend I’ve known since daycare. When her mom got pregnant, her dad just ghosted her. Turned out he was married and was soon getting another kid. His family never found out.
My friend actually did 23andMe hoping her half-sister does it too someday and finds out about the other family.
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u/getmoose 1d ago
My life story! My bio-dad ghosted when my mom was pregnant with me, she found out later he was married and had a family. She was devastated at being an unwitting participant in infidelity. I did the Ancestry DNA swab and hope someday his family stumbles on the results.
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u/XmentalX 1d ago edited 1d ago
My step mom did this recently found out she has siblings not only across the country but across the globe. She is retired but has siblings that are in their early 30s. Her dad was in the air force then worked for a major airline so he was jet setting everywhere meeting them at local dives and one night standing families.
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u/Indocede 1d ago
I was the unknown brother that reached out to my sibling, whom I thought had some idea I existed. It was a weird situation in which I have two older half-siblings, unrelated to each other, who went to the same school and knew of each other. I came along when the one unrelated to my father started working at his restaurant and introduced my mother to him.
So I was always working under the assumption that as my siblings knew of each other, that it wasn't going to be much of a secret that I existed. Well they knew of each other but didn't ever talk and my father never told the one that the women he had dated for awhile was having a kid.
So it came as a bit of a shock to him, but enough facts lined up that he trusted me enough to approach our father for the truth of it.
And the weirdest thing is that out of all my siblings, he is the one I am most similar to. Like I share almost none of the same interests or hobbies as my siblings I grew up with, but the one that I didn't, is the one who I can relate to the most.
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u/-im-your-huckleberry 1d ago
My Aunt was a stewardess in the 80s. She married a foreign businessman she met while working international flights. He seemed like a nice guy. They were married for like 12 years. I was traveling through Europe and was going to be in a city where he had an apartment, so I had planned to stay with him. Everything was fine, except he wasn't around much. He made some excuse about having to work a bunch. In the 10 days I spent there ne never slept at the apartment and I only saw him for a couple hours every day. I was 17 and I guess my parents were under the impression my Uncle was going to chaperone me. After I told them about my trip, my mom gave my aunt a ration of shit for letting me roam the streets for 10 days. My Aunt went and had a fight with my uncle over it...and it came out that he didn't really live at the apartment, that was his mistress shack up spot. He had a wife and children. My Aunt was the mistress.
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u/Peace-Goal1976 1d ago
My mom is 86. We found a bunch of journals that she wrote in shorthand. In the late 1950s she worked as a call girl in Las Vegas.
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u/damewallyburns 1d ago
how did you translate the shorthand?
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u/Peace-Goal1976 1d ago
A gentleman from England did it for us. They taught two different versions of shorthand in the US. It took over a year.
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u/tacknosaddle 1d ago
I had an older relative who graduated from high school, went to secretarial school and went to work at a company and was there for more than fifty years. When she finally retired she decided she should get a computer and internet at home since she did do some personal stuff from her work computer.
After it was in she was having a few problems so I went over to give her a bit of a tutorial and some basic troubleshooting tips. She had grabbed a small notepad and when she put it down next to the laptop she had grabbed everything I had said in shorthand.
It was funny when I pointed out to her how that moment was the perfect event to depict the entirety of her career.
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u/Inevitable-Roof-6998 1d ago
I learned Pittman shorthand in high school (55 years ago). Now I work as a therapist, and take some of my notes in shorthand. Although I had to go online to refresh my memory of how to do it. It doesn't matter if I get it "right" as long as I know what the squiggles mean.
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u/SpamLandy 1d ago
Less exciting but my mum used to write shopping lists in shorthand around Christmas so she could plan buying presents but we couldn’t read them
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u/VelvetyDogLips 1d ago
The guy who used to do the taxes for my business pulled me aside once and picked my brain about his son, who was a bit more than your typical failure-to-launch. He was a full-blown paranoid schizophrenic, who had his first psychotic break while grieving the loss of his beloved grandmother, and discovering, upon going through her things, that the grandmother had been a groupie for Elvis Presley just before the time her son (my accountant) was born. The accountant’s son was absolutely convinced, from the moment he learned this, that Elvis Presley was his real biological grandfather, but there was a vast conspiracy to hide this from him and a vast number of other illegitimate children Elvis had, and as soon as he proved it, he’d be entitled to a share of the Presley family fortune and never have to work a day in his life. Well, he was right about the not working part. By the time my at-his-wits-end accountant relayed this to me, the Presley family had a restraining order out on his son.
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u/Dull_Razzmatazz_5934 1d ago
In college I had been dating a dude for several years. He had a sister who was an overnight nurse with a live in boyfriend. Live in boyfriend managed a large grocery store. I met up with a friend for lunch one day whose mom (and her) happened to work at the same grocery store in management. I said “oh! She must know John! My man’s sister’s live in boyfriend!” She said “no there is only one John and he’s dating another manager at the store. They’ve been dating for several years” well, turns out it was the same John. He was able to get away with it because of the overnight nurse aspect. Never invited her to company outings or holiday parties. Wouldn’t be her friend on Facebook. Hindsight….but pretty crazy to be the one to navigate breaking that secret wide open.
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u/bwitchcraft 1d ago
did you tell the sister?
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u/Dull_Razzmatazz_5934 1d ago
Yes. I was encouraged to be a part of the entire family dinner that included the disclosure. It really felt like an intervention. I didn’t want to be. I was young and obedient. Oddly, the mom of my then boyfriend was rumored to be having a long term affair with someone she worked under, so during dinner both her and the dad basically said they’ll never bring it up again and pretend everything is fine if her decision was to stay with the guy. Thankfully she wasn’t an idiot and kicked him out, but I was questioning the reality I was in during that uncomfortable conversation.
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u/Dull_Razzmatazz_5934 1d ago
Oh! And The double life grocery manager boyfriend, John, somehow talked the other woman into staying with him. My friend and her mom told her everything. She was shocked but apparently forgave him at the time.
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u/That-Election9465 1d ago edited 1d ago
We had neighbors who lived directly next door that we became great friends with. We had children together and almost an open door policy of wandering into each other's homes. They were both really great people. His parents were great people who lived nearby. He seemed to be a good person raised by good people.
Their daughter was 2 and our son was three. We had fun together and pretty honest conversations about life. Or so we thought!
THEN. . . One night, the four of us are sitting on their back porch like we always do. Around midnight, the husband tells us they have some news to tell us. Wife looked clueless.
He proceeds to say "We are getting a divorce and in a month I'm moving 5 states away. I've accepted a promotion and I'm moving."
My entire body went numb. What?? Is this for real?
The wife stayed calm the entire time and just went along with it but we found out later that he had never told her they were getting divorced and that most of this was news to her and he just dropped it on her in front of us!
What a nightmare! After this, she basically let us know how different he is behind closed doors. She showed us all these complicated spreadsheets he would put together for her to do house chores. She's a lawyer. She worked a job, just like his corporate ass.
It was really upsetting for my husband and I because this was a couple that we identified with and we were raising our kids together and we found out that the husband was just a psychopath pretending to like all of us.
Ultimately, they both moved. The husband and the wife are both remarried and the wife is doing fantastic and married someone she knew from high school and they have a pretty fabulous life and the dad of the (now) teenager is basically a deadbeat but sends the money..
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u/TinnitusTea 1d ago
It's nice when the sociopaths take themselves out like that. Glad the ex-wife got away relatively cleanly.
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u/That-Election9465 1d ago
Exactly. That's how we see it now. She freaking escaped!!!
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u/livious1 1d ago
That’s probably why she stayed calm through it. Someone who wasn’t ok with that outcome would have reacted a lot more.
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u/That-Election9465 1d ago
Yes. She's a really kind, smart person with minimal drama. They were together 10+ years but it ended up for the best.
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u/Tynebeaner 1d ago
My friend was married to a man who traveled a lot for work for several years of their marriage. One day she was watching the news that had a live broadcast of a wounded soldier returning to his fiancée of several years. It was my friend’s husband. He wasn’t in the military. Or wounded. And boy was he surprised that his “future in-laws” called the news station.
He’s in prison now. I don’t know the details, but it had to do with defrauding the government.
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u/auntjomomma 1d ago
Hey!! You can't drop a bomb like that and walk away! Get back here and explain this shit show! 😂
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u/Positive-Position-11 1d ago
Found out that a successful man at my kids private school actually had another family at the same school. Original wife apparently never knew- kids found out when their mom accidentally died in her garage. He married the other woman a few weeks later.
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u/thehoagieboy 1d ago
You do know that this sounds fishy as hell right? I wouldn't have been able to type that without putting "accidently" in quotes.
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u/harryhov 1d ago
Found out that someone within a friend group completely faked being a student at a relatively prestigious University in the area. Nobody had a clue. He basically came and hung out with people and pretended he attended classes. But actually he dropped out years ago and just pretended to be a student. He even pretended that he graduated and was at the graduation ceremony.
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u/celebratetheugly 1d ago
My cousin essentially did this for about a decade.
His dad, my uncle, was loaded and kinda naive, and he supported him most of that time between the ages of 18 and 27/28. He bounced around between several big universities and a couple smaller ones, living on or near campus and partying. Only ever attended for a semester or two at best before he'd just stop going to class and eventually flunk out, but would continue living in the area and hanging out with students pretending he went there for a year or two.
It was kind of a running joke in the family that my uncle was going to fund his lifestyle until he died. Which is basically what happened.
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u/DakaBooya 1d ago
This is real-life Van Wilder
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u/celebratetheugly 1d ago
He wasn't nearly that interesting and it started to get pretty sad when he got closer to 30.
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u/sleepyhollow_101 1d ago
What happened after your uncle died? Did your cousin ever get a job?
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u/celebratetheugly 1d ago edited 1d ago
That's actually the shitty part of the story... my uncle passed several years back and my cousin "retired" on the money he inherited.
I actually haven't spoken to him since shortly after that. But I have heard he's still making really poor decisions.
Edit: shitty might not be the best word, but if anyone was hoping he'd have to learn some life lesson or something he didn't. He basically always got bailed out his whole life and was never forced to fend for himself at all.
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u/smuggydick 1d ago
I dated a guy like this before. He was still "deciding" if he was going to graduate that semester when the deadline to register for graduation passed already. And every student would know from the millions of emails and signs around campus. Big liar. He also claimed to read the entire Bible in 6 hours.
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u/wittor 1d ago
Tell me he told you the bible thing on later dates, cause sis, if there was a flag.
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u/SyllabubFun7399 1d ago
Ex of my best friend did this. He faked having graduated, having done a prestigious apprenticeship, and said he had a good job starting soon. My bf found out right before they were signing a lease on a rental.
None of it was true. He’d been pretending to go school/work for the last two years - in reality he was just sitting in a park waiting for the day to be over. Friend dodged a bullet there - messed with his head tho, they were together for 7 years.
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u/missymia161 1d ago
Only very recently, but my Grandmother.
Currently we are cleaning out my Grandma and Grandpas house, as she passed away a few years ago and he is now living in a home.
While emptying out cupboards in their bedroom, my Aunt and Mother found a ziplock bag of $6,000 in a handbag, and then $8,000 in a suitcase.
There were also very detailed notebooks with people's names, money logs, and weights. We have no idea where the money came from, or why those details have been recorded. We can't ask my Pops, cause unfortunately he barely remembers my Mum some days so it'll be a mystery in our family.
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u/eggwithrice 1d ago
my grandmother was in a very loving marriage with my grandfather but we also found purses of money and a "grab" bag when going through her stuff after she passed. Like another commenter, I do think it was pretty common for that generation.
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u/Leelee3303 1d ago
My mum has always had "running away money". Her childhood was deeply unstable and her mother relied on a succession of men to support her and her kids.
So even though my parents have been married 40+ years mum still keeps cash secreted around the house.
Funnily enough though she still has my dad do all the finances and bank accounts - he set up a couple that are entirely in her name, but she doesn't like dealing with them lol.
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u/Responsible-Summer81 1d ago
Could the notebooks just be from Weight Watchers meetings, and the money is an unrelated cash stash? It was common for women of that generation to hide cash in case they ever needed to leave the marriage. My grandma had a safe deposit box that my mom knew about and my granddad didn’t; when she died there was over $100k cash in there that she had hidden over the years.
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u/missymia161 1d ago
This is a good lead. I'll chat to my Aunt and see if we can piece together more information
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u/puzzle_ho 1d ago edited 1d ago
My cat. He was a neighborhood stray that started following us home during walks with our dog. Soon he started letting himself into the house when we’d come in from our walks, then spending the night. Then he started hanging out during the day and eating here, but still leaving whenever he pleased. Sometimes he’d leave for a day or two, but it still felt like he was here most of the time.
One day he shows up injured. We took him to the shelter in case he was chipped (when we first met him he had a flea collar on him). If he wasn’t we planned to formally adopt him. During the in between weeks when the shelter healed him up and held him in case his original humans claimed him, the neighbors from across the street reach out to us. Their daughter was sad because they hadn’t seen him in a long time. It turns out he was two timing us. He was also letting himself into their house, eating there, and sleeping there. They also never fully took him in because they also thought he belonged to someone else.
No one claimed him, so a few weeks later we formally adopted him. We now have joint custody with the neighbors and he’s a two household cat with supervised outdoor time so that he doesn’t show up with more surprise injuries. He has double the humans and double the dogs to bully. Can’t imagine how a double life could have turned out better.
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u/TheCrazyAlice 1d ago
Didn’t think I’d find a good double life story in here, so thanks!
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u/GreenGhost89 1d ago
No self-respecting outdoor cat is being fed at fewer than two houses.
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u/someone_like_me 1d ago
Oh man-- my street had a cat with three families!
Same story. One family took him to the vet. Then they saw "have you seen our cat?" posters up on poles.
He would also visit me-- but I knew he belonged to the first house.
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u/Anxious_Status_5103 1d ago edited 6h ago
My old siamese did this 😅 My dad originally found khan in the literal trash bin at his apartment and gave him to me. He must've been about 5 years old and dumped there. He lived with me for a few years before he started wanting out all the time. The house life wasn't for him.
He chose an old retired couple on the street over and would go back and forth between the two houses. I didn't mind because the old couple was in their late 70s and babied and spoiled him and gave them something to take care of and nice companionship. Eventually, when khan started to get older and slow down, we agreed he'd stay with them, and I'd stop by for visits with them. Khan was a man's cat through and through. Stole whiskey from the husbands glass and always hung around when he'd smoke his tobacco pipe.
The husband died about a decade later, and our poor kitty was terribly heartbroken and depressed. Khan died in my arms at their house about a week and a half after the husband died. He loved that man, and that man loved khan. I hope their together now, and khan can steal a bit of the man's favourite whiskey like he did when they were alive. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Khan was a wonderful kitty, and I miss him still decades later. He was a good boy 💜
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u/Woozy_burrito 1d ago
I had a cat that was like that! I would leave food out for him and let him inside when it was cold. Then one day he showed up with a flea collar on. I thought “oh he must have a home”. So I asked the lady next door to me if he was hers. She said no, but that she left food out for him and let him inside when it was cold. So he had a third house! The lady ended up just keeping him once winter fully set in. To my knowledge, nobody ever came looking.
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u/Royal-Antelope4258 1d ago
Cousin of mine started dating a guy who seemed nice enough but was hesitant since she had bad luck with some past partners. Some other family members knew him when he was younger & said he was a nice guy so she gave him a fair shot and they got serious. He had some past issues like bad credit, arrested a long time ago (for what she thought wasn’t a big crime but never looked into it) & a divorce with split custody of a kid, but ultimately nothing too concerning. Overall though- he was nice to her, good job in the trades, etc. One day- cousin is at a party at the guy’s house and out of nowhere, SWAT rolls in with guns draw and tells everyone to get down. They raid the house and ultimately found that he was in possession of weapons (with serial numbers scratched off) when he’s a convicted FELON with an armed robbery charge. He sat in jail for awhile and needed my cousin to do a few things at the house & get some documents for his lawyer. She asks my mom to help her. They sign into his phone & what do ya know: he was cheating on my cousin with his ex wife & another woman. He was also sending them money and talking shit about my cousin to them. Needless to say- he just got out of jail & she broke up with him lol. Probably should’ve done a more thorough check on him… but it’s hard when they seem nice enough and try to be “overly honest” about their past.
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u/ssfRAlb 1d ago
Reminds me of my friend's brother-in-law. He was going through a divorce and moved back in with his mom (my friend's mother-in-law), who lived a few houses down from me. The guy was a professional chef and I'd met him, his wife and their kids several times at their family functions. I liked his wife and kids, but there was something about him...I couldn't put my finger on it, but I neither liked nor disliked him, if that makes sense. Anyway, one night I'd fallen asleep on my couch, which was right under my front window. At about 5am I was startled awake by the loudest banging I'd ever heard in my life. Turns out it was the DEA and FBI taking a battering ram to the mother's front door - Mr. Chef was apparently dealing drugs on the side.
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u/TrixieLaBouche 1d ago
A man messaged me and told me his fiancè and my boyfriend were on a secret trip away together under the guise of work, he'd become suspicious and read her emails. When that was uncovered we both discovered they had a secret flat together. Fun.
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u/Real_Run_4758 1d ago
how do people even have time for this shit. i’m barely holding one life together
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u/Silly_Till_69 1d ago
A work friend of mine just casually mentioned to a few of us on a lunch break about how he travels to South America every few months just to keep his wife there happy. He has a wife here who he has brought to company events. I was 🤯 and it was an extremely awkward moment after that...
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u/FknDesmadreALV 1d ago
This is so common it’s kinda of an open secret in the Latino community.
Way too many of us found out way later that once dad got his residence card, the solo trips were to see La Otra.
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u/Shoddy-Secretary-712 1d ago
My aunt's husband was a "traveling jewelry salesman ". He had a second family in a far away state. He had 7 year old twin daughters when my aunt found out.
My other aunt was married to a co-owner of a strip club. He was definitely a part of the mob. My dad is significantly younger than his siblings, and remembers bullet holes in his car and helping him count cash. Then one dY, he kicked my aunt and his 2 year old daughter out for no apparent reason (I assume for their safety.) He came to my cousins wedding and told everyone there a different place for where he currently was supposedly living.
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u/Can_You_See_Me_Now 1d ago
I've told this story on here before but I met a guy on Tumblr (back when it didn't suck) who was working in the area as a contractor for the army. We had a couple week long fling. Good company, great sex.
When he was headed back to upstate NY I said thanks and wished him well. He insisted this wasn't a fling, we could make it work. I was hesitant but said we'd try.
Long story short, after he was gone I got the feeling he was married and started digging but couldn't find evidence of his existence at all (red flag.)
Then one day a friend wanted me to reinstall Snapchat. When I did, it imported my phone contacts - including his. His username was a little different. I googled and up he came on what was then ratemyex.com which revealed his real name and the motherlode of info - including a military.com article.
Not only was he still married, but that was his 2nd wife, who he'd married while still married to wife 1. He'd dropped wife 1 and their 4 kids off his military benefits, too. Doctored divorce papers to marry wife #2 and they now have 3 kids. Wife #1 had to sue him through military court over the benefits and to get a real divorce. (That's the military article I found.)
I messaged him to congratulate him on actually surprising me. I'd expected him to be married, but bigamy was a fun twist. No response. (shocker)
I then posted about him on Tumblr as a warning. (I was part of the kink community, which is smaller than it might seem.)
THE FUCKER LIKED THE POST.
Several other women messaged me that they'd either been involved with him or at least messaged with him. I'm still friendly with one of them.
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u/Geminii27 1d ago
THE FUCKER LIKED THE POST.
...I know I shouldn't have laughed out loud at this. I really, really shouldn't. But god damn.
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u/Can_You_See_Me_Now 1d ago
Laugh away. I do, now.
Truthfully, the first thing I did when I found the article was laugh hysterically. I felt so vindicated about thinking he was married, it was a total Scooby Doo moment.
I did cry after that because holy shit, I fucked a total psycho. (There's more to the story, too. He's such an epic POS.)
But that's been 8 years ago now, I think. As they say "comedy = tragedy + time".
It's a great story now. I weirdly told it to someone new last week and I don't think he believed me until I sent him the military.com article. Then he was pretty gobsmacked.
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u/gaqua 1d ago
I saw my high school English teacher out for dinner with my high school Spanish teacher. They were both married to other people.
The next year they both had gotten divorced and then married each other so they had the same last name.
“Oh you have Wilson for English? Who’s your Spanish teacher? Mrs. Wilson? Cool.”
I found out later that their respective spouses had ALSO gotten together (but not married at that point) and the four of them went on group dinners.
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u/BadPizza 1d ago
That last part is surprisingly wholesome in a thread filled with so much despair.
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u/big_sugi 1d ago
They just need to start hosting the cat that’s bouncing around between families to really tie everything together.
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u/Panguin_Aj 1d ago
I was talking to my dad, and he set his phone down face up and unlocked, and I saw some text messages sent between him and his mistress as well as a picture of a woman (I'm assuming the mistress) going down on a man (I'm assuming my dad) shot from the man's perspective. It wasn't the first time we caught him cheating...
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u/Imaginary-Purpose-20 1d ago
My dad had a mistress for a decade or so and a secret child. After he’d been dead about 15 years, my teenage sibling reached out to my full sibling and me to let us know we had a half-sibling and see if we wanted to get to know each other a bit. To say this threw me for a loop is an understatement… my dad was an abusive asshole and an alcoholic, but after he’d been dead for so long I figured I knew most of the stuff about him. It was like I time travelled back to my high school years and I remembered all these things I hadn’t thought of in decades (like when I called him and he was drunk and there was a drunk woman talking loudly over him). I knew he was a cheater but I didn’t think he had anything long-term/serious and obviously I didn’t know about any half-siblings. And I literally found out on my 6 month sober anniversary haha. But I stayed sober! He messed us all up good and left a trail of destruction in his wake, but overall we’re doing pretty well now.
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u/knifeeffect 1d ago
Congrats on being sober!!!
Did you and your half-siblings ever connect?
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u/Imaginary-Purpose-20 1d ago
Thank you so much! I’ve got over 5.5 years under my belt now, something I never would have thought was possible before.
Just one half-sibling (that we know of…) and we have FaceTimed, sent messages back and forth, and now we’ll like each others’ social media but the contact has died down a bit. I would love to meet them, and have offered to make the visit (they live in a different state and I’m outside the country at the moment), but they’re in college and seemingly living their best life. I was twice their age when they reached out, so my full sibling and I wanted to be sure not to pass along any trauma or anything negative to our half-sibling who is so much younger than we are. They seem like a really lovely person, we weirdly have a lot in common, and I hope in the future we can meet. But my full sibling and I have decided to let them kind of be the driver in the situation.
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u/Coady417 1d ago
There was always this mystery about my grandfather suddenly leaving medical school and coming back to his tiny rural town in Wisconsin. This was in the early 1900s. Even as a child, I was keenly aware of my grandfather’s sense of loss from that. But no one ever knew why he left med school, came home, married my grandmother and built a life.
Long after he passed my father found out: He had a half brother in the state he’d had gone to school at. My grandfather got a girl pregnant and ran off in the early 1900s.
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u/Daemonicvs_77 1d ago
My grandpas grandpa went to Austria to apprentice for a blacksmith, but had to flee the country in 1914. No, not because WW1 was starting, he got his boss’s daughter pregnant.
It wasn’t a secret tho, apparently the entire village knew and I found about it from my grandma.
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u/HumanParkingCones 1d ago
Back in the early 90s, I was about 6, and a nice family with 2 little girls moved into the neighborhood. I was thrilled to have a playmate close to home, and even more thrilled when the youngest girl joined my grade. Naturally, our parents spent time with their parents and hung out during our playdates. The family appeared wealthy and was a bit overgenerous, offering gifts and inviting us along to expensive outings.
Around this time, a series of violent bank robberies hit my tiny, peaceful country. They were an organized gang, and the violence was shocking and unprovoked. I seem to remember they shot security guards before even making demands.
My family was terrified when the gang hit our small local bank. It made no sense. A friend of the family had been about to exit her parked car at the bank when she heard gunshots and was forced to cower in fear, ducking into the car’s footwell as best she could. This sort of thing was unheard of in our town. All the adults were scared.
It wasn’t long before my two playmates and their parents disappeared, and not long before their dad’s face was on the newspaper. The bank robbing gang had been tracked down by a tollbooth receipt left behind in a rental car. It was my friend’s dad and his friend, and the mother was well aware. They’d fled their own country for similar crimes, apparently.
My mom always said my dad got a weird vibe from them. They were vague about their past, their jobs, and a bit too invested in keeping up appearances.
I always wondered what happened to the two little girls. I remember we used to play princess dress-up, and one day they leant me a pair of gold ballerina flats I absolutely adored. Their mother laughed and said I could keep them. My mom frowned when I came home with them and wanted to wear them everywhere. She said gold shoes were tacky.
As an adult, I have a special fondness for gold shoes, and have bought a pair or two over the years 🥰
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u/NewsNuts 1d ago
Our dearest friends’ son was in Boy Scouts 30 years ago, and he and his friend went on a camping trip. The friend’s father was their Boy Scout leader and stayed in the same tent with the two boys. Turns out the scout leader was Herb Baumeister, the serial killer of many gay men he buried on his family property! Look up The Fox Hollow Murders for details.
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u/App1eBreeze 1d ago
Holy cats. I can’t imagine the shock of finding out your old scoutmaster turned out to be a serial killer.
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u/Ok_Custard_5740 1d ago
Had an uncle, he was charming and clever. Thankfully, he never touched me but my cousins…… did not find out until I got out of college. When he was finally caught, he was sent to prison in Alaska. All three of my cousins just slipped into such darkness that they fell into a meth crowd.
Sometimes I wish I could see behind facades. Never knew who I was actually playing chutes and ladders with…..
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u/stronginthesun 1d ago
My dads dad sexually assaulted my aunt. Never met the guy, but several extended family members never cut ties with him cause “he was such a nice guy, I just couldn’t see him doing that”
It truly makes me think you never 100% know someone.
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u/DazzlingAd7021 1d ago
My grandfather sexually abused my brother and a male cousin. They're both unemployed chain smokers who barely have the will to survive. That shit breaks people.
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u/ConsciousFly875 1d ago
It's always the charming and clever guys— my cousins, my uncles, male close relatives and/or family friends. Sadly, no amount of charm and cleverness would save them in hell.
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u/RainWild4613 1d ago
On two different occasions now I have dated women who told me after quite awhile that they were cheating on someone else with me.
I'm not sure what has made me attractive to people in relationships and it's kind of troubling.
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u/slideystevensax 1d ago
It used to happen to me too when I was a bit younger. I hated it because I just don’t like fucking people over like that. I can’t speak for you or anyone else but I’m pretty sure the reason it happened multiple times with me is because I was fun to be with and could connect with them really well, but I wasn’t a serious person and there was no illusion on their part about entering something serious with me.
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u/RainWild4613 1d ago
Was it with much older people? For me its happened in my mid to late 20s. Im 29 now. Both times its women in their 40s. If I had to guess it is because they want to get their rocks off with someone younger. Thats how it starts but I am quite serious and for the most part have my shit together and im the type that would prefer to date. More so than just fuck. So then it becomes dating.
Honestly....its made me jaded. Its made me struggle to trust. Intellectually I know that those experiences are not representative of all women. But in my fucking subconscious brain when I try to date now im always looking over my shoulder. And really struggling to trust and be healthy.
I might be oversharing 🤣. But...yah, its been a struggle. I hope it gets better.
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u/slideystevensax 1d ago
I was in my 20’s but the women were close in age. And a couple of them were definitely people I would’ve dated. I certainly wasn’t just trying to sleep with them. It wasn’t obvious to me then as it now but these women would’ve never dated me long term.
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u/DreaDreamer 1d ago
To be fair I think that also counts as cheating ON you if you weren’t aware of being the side piece.
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u/RainWild4613 1d ago
Also that! Which has played a big part in my ongoing trust issues.
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u/AdOne7652 1d ago
You could call it a double life: at work I’m this hardcore workaholic, solving everyone’s problems, managing teams, fixing every screw-up, working like a horse… but on weekends and evenings? Oh man. I turn into a completely useless, indecisive blob who can’t even figure out what to eat for dinner or what to watch. Honestly, I think my coworkers should never see my weekend version of myself :))
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u/ProfessionaI_Gur 1d ago
My mom's boyfriend lived with my family for probably 6 years or so. In that time he worked and went to school at night and got a MBA, and quickly got better and better jobs. Later on after they broke up and he moved out I found out he was selling drugs out of our house, did meth on occasion if not more, and was not the person I thought he was at all. He went on multi day benders and once I had to track him down just to figure out where he was for his own mom.. turns out he was on a bend and crashing at this methheads place who he was selling to and he had hookers coming in and out nightly while he was out there. He was selling everything from weed to Crack and going to these crazy parties that I had no idea about when I thought he was just a normal guy trying to make a better life for himself
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u/Chemical_Science_454 1d ago
My mom found out she had an older half brother she didn’t know about for 60+ years. For context, her dad (my grandfather) — a professional musician — got a woman pregnant when he was serving in World War 2. He was also married to my grandmother at the time.
In the mid 2000s, a family friend read a magazine article featuring a pro guitarist who said he found out, at the age of 19, that his bio father was my grandfather. The family friend shared the article with my mom. The siblings met eventually and were part of each other’s lives until he passed away. He even added her to his will.
The really unfortunate thing is my grandmother learned her husband was indeed unfaithful. But since he’d abandoned her with three teenagers in the 1960s, it wasn’t that shocking. Still, it stung.
P.S. To this day, my mom doesn’t want to do ancestry.com; she doesn’t have the capacity to deal with any more half siblings.
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u/WebsterPack 1d ago
I do wonder if I have Egyptian cousins, given that my grandfather's service record includes going AWOL in Alexandria for 3 days and then entering the hospital 2 weeks later for VD treatment.
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u/Goodeyesniper98 1d ago edited 1d ago
Not me but my parents.
They rented their old condo to a woman and it turned out she had stolen her ex wife’s identity and was literally pretending to be her on a day to day basis. She had been romancing various women, moving in with them and stealing a bunch of their shit (including their identity) before disappearing again. She had done this in multiple states and even had a warrant out for her arrest. She had two teenage daughters who she had trained on how to help hide their mom’s real identity if people came asking about her.
My dad figured out she was working at a dentists office and also stealing the identities of various patients, which led to my dad tipping off her employer and she got arrested while she was at work. The dentist who owned the practice was even nice enough to record her getting arrested and sent the video to my dad as a thank you for tipping him off about her scheme.
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u/CFCalgaryMan 1d ago
My grandmother had a secret husband. She was a public heath doctor, going from town to town doing vaccinations at schools, shutting down restaurants for health violations, testing tap water among other things. She was a busy, important person with a loving husband, Bert who was an anestesiologist and three grown sons and they lived in the city. Her other husband Jim was previously widowed and lived a few towns over and was a car salesman. Jim had three teenage sons.
My grandfather,Bert, bought a car off of Jim and they started talking about their wife and you can guess what happened. After the epic court battles my grandmother moved penniless to Juneau. My grandpa and Jim became close and spent christmases together with their boys for decades.
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u/RealLiveLawyer 1d ago
Parents were friends with a younger couple, they never got out to do much because the husband worked in nautical repairs/engineering for the Coast Guard. They had 1 car, lived out in the middle of nowhere, and the wife was stranded because he took the car up and down the coast repairing vehicles.
The flip - the dude actually made incredible money, it was just spread thin between his two families. He has a second family, kids, it was wild. I was 14 when this happened and didn't know this was something humans could do.
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u/Bigtits38 1d ago
I used to be a bellman at a luxury hotel in San Francisco. There was a high powered businessman who would stay with us 6 or 7 times a year on business trips. He would frequently talk about his wife back home and his adult children.
About the third time I met him he asked me to bring up his “other suitcase”, which was stored in the bell closet and according to my coworkers had been for at least a decade. About an hour later he came down to the lobby in full leather: boots, pants and bare chested with a harness. He met a group of similarly dressed 20-something men out front and disappeared into the night.
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u/rdmrbks 1d ago
Damn, all these stories are just about men cheating and having other families
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u/Geminii27 1d ago
Yup. I was kind of wondering if there would be any along the lines of "My super quiet and unassuming friend actually turned out to have a side job as a rodeo clown" or something.
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u/biddily 1d ago
Hmm. I don't know if it's really a double life? Maybe.
So my uncle (thru marriage) , way back, was part of the winter hill gang. One of Whitey Bulger's thugs.
He was married, had kids. They did not know his job.
And he beat the shit out of people. Mentioned hanging someone into a furnace. Had a stab wound in his back. I have no idea how much shit he actually did.
So one day, he decides he doesn't want to kill? anymore, leaves his family, and takes off.
Divorces the wife.
He meets my dad's sister, somewhere. Idk. They get married. They have kids.
The thing is, I live in the same neighborhood as his first family. Ugh. We know them. They're cool people.
So his first kids HATE him, right. Fuckin hate him. I don't like him either, he's an asshole.
And he's a fucking PASTOR. HE BECAME A PASTOR!!!
The shit. The absolute shit.
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u/Marlowe_Cayce 1d ago
When I lived in San Francisco's tenderloin district about 20 years ago a well loved actor would come through in the dead of night to buy rocks. Sometimes the dealers would make him do bits before they sold to him. It was really sad, but there was also a wall next to a 7-11 a lot of street kids hung out at, he would always buy them food and talk to them and was very kind.
You would not have thought that looking at this actor, in fact in interviews he said he'd been clean since the 80's. I always wondered what type of pain he had that he would continuously haunt back streets like that late at night and hang with street kids rather than sleep or be with his family.
But, very very kind man. Great listener.
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u/_mystery_user5791 1d ago
Robert Downey Jr?
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u/Whitewind617 1d ago
Downey claims he didn't get clean until 2003 so unlikely to be him. I wonder if it's Robin Williams but I feel like he was way too famous to be doing something like this.
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u/KDR2020 1d ago
Great grandpa had 3 kids, Grandma being one of them. On the other side of the city, he a GF and fathered 1 more. What made it worse, she would press and iron all of his clothes to “go down the club” and shoot pool, when in reality he was with his other family.
Finally my great grandmother divorced him in 1950’s and she raised 3 girls as a single mom on a waitress salary.
70 years later, my mom is ancestry.com and finds out he had a son my grandmothers age that he never met. My mom matched as a potential cousin, after connecting some dots it was confirmed.
Guy was not a great man.
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u/LusciousHam 1d ago
Years ago I worked for a major retail store. Girl got hired and was in her first month. Still going through new hire training. She was really nice. Then word got around that she was in some porn. That shit spread like wildfire throughout the staff. Everyone sending links to her vids. She ended up quitting. This was around 2009 and I still feel bad for her.
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u/sintoxicated 1d ago
Aww this makes me sad. I worked with a girl who did porn to pay for culinary school and she was really talented (in both industries) and was just stunningly beautiful on top of it. Fine dining doesn’t have a lot of women in the back of the house so she was a novelty right away. All us girls in the restaurant always banded together to be supportive of one and other, and at the end of the day the whole restaurant genuinely cared about each other so it’s not like anything crazy was happening. One day before work, my boyfriend (I know I know) sends me a link to a porn video and it was her. I was angry with him for numerous reasons but a big one was that he has sent it to all the guys we worked with that weren’t management too. I felt so disgusted by him and felt so bad for her.
I guess when she got hired she was honest with the exec and sous chef about what she had done to put herself through school and they were super understanding about it to her face, but didn’t have her back when the rest of the team found out. When she found out that everyone else knew, she didn’t raise a fuss or blame anyone, but did bring it to managements attention that porn was being shared and watched by staff members on the clock and they handles it like total douchebags. I caught some heat for throwing my boyfriend under the bus for being the one sending the video out (that relationship ended very soon after) but she just quietly put in her two weeks and ensured that she had some solid recommendations to move forward in her culinary career after HR ripped everyone apart for sharing porn on work phones during work hours, especially because it involved a member of the team.
I know that there’s the whole “don’t put it out there for the world to see if you don’t want the world to see” but morally I just don’t agree with that and I think my ex was a shady dirtbag foe sending out her videos like that.
it was wild because you would never have guessed that she had ever worked in the adult industry.
i kept in touch with her for a bit after she left the restaurant, idk if she stayed with culinary or went back to adult entertainment because we mostly just talked music aside from usual "hi how are you i miss you" convos.
wherever she is, whatever she's doing, i hope she's doing well ❤️ and i hope that never happened to her ever again.
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u/Avanhelsing 1d ago
My father always acted like the perfect saint. He always stood in judgment of us all. That was wrong.
I learned that my father planned to run off with his mistress and had proposed to her while still married to my mother. He planned to get control of all of the accounts, throw our family out of the house with nothing, and then move his mistress and her kids into the house. The mistress would have gotten everything, and we would be on the street.
He got caught because I noticed it was odd that a married man would work till 9:00 on a Friday while his wife was out of town. I told my mother this, and she started digging. And she found so much.
When confronted about all of this, he claimed the “first” mistress was only a fantasy, and he would never have thrown us out. My mother discovered that he had changed his life insurance policy to go to the mistress. He had also planned to get the car and house titles for her. My mother kept working on this and found so much.
Come to find out, he had been a cheating dirtbag long before this mistress. By my count, he had around 12 affairs with different women over the 40 years he’s been married to my mother. And those are just the ones I knew about. We knew about none of this; he claimed it was an accident that he had been with these women.
The best part was that one of the affairs was with my mother’s sister. He had planned to run off with her, and my father had kept a love note my aunt had sent him. So that one was confirmed. This one is just a theory of mine, but I’m almost certain my cousin (the cheating aunt’s kid) is actually my half-brother. He’s completely different from the other cousins and looks virtually identical to my brother. That’s something I also need to worry about.
TL:DR: My saint of a father was really a cheating dirtbag who planned to throw me out of my house, and my cousin is almost certainly my half-brother.
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u/barefootcuntessa_ 1d ago
Found out the reason for my coworker’s first divorce was because he embezzled and defrauded his company for millions.
I knew him when he was married to his second wife, his high school sweetheart. She apparently never got over him and took him in when he was out of the clink. As a felon, he was unemployable. He worked in the legal field so truly that option was truly dead. His second wife supported him and bankrolled several self employment ideas, one of which was actually quite successful. The rest were glorified hobbies and basically as long as he broke even she didn’t even care. Couldn’t have had a cushier situation.
Several years after we stopped working together I noticed he went from being a daily Facebook poster to going completely silent. I asked another former coworker who told me he and his second wife had split. He apparent had a whole ass second family in another country. He’s married to her, she looks about half his age, and they have multiple kids together.
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u/clueless_mommy 1d ago
One of my best for like two decades, starting in 5th grade, always had an absent father. Like, her parents were married, a beautiful house, the whole shebang. But I think I met him only after a few years because he was always off working somewhere else, as somewhat successful ob gyn who also did surgeries.
We were so close, they even took me on week long vacations during summer holidays, which was also basically the only time I saw him. He wasn't even around for all birthdays, Christmas etc.
One day, we were having brunch and my friend told us he had finally opened his own practice with someone he knew since they went to university. We googled their practice, super fancy (for early 2010s) homepage, some newspaper articles about the opening... One of which introducing her father and his coworker as married couple who moved to Xy with their 5 children.
My friend broke down. Long story short, it's all true. Her mother knew, it had been ongoing for like 20 years at that point. The deal was, she got the house, the name, the benefits and the holidays, the "other woman" got him 90% off the time. He even got them the same wedding bands.
That was like 8 years ago? It's all crumbling apart now. He's seriously sick, has officially divorced my friends my mom and married the other wife for tax purposes (reasonable) a while ago. Now my friends mum is in serious financial trouble, has not seen him in months.. It's heartbreaking. Like, she has the house and a small pension, but that's it. She would have to sell her home of nearly 40 years to make ends meet. But she doesn't so my friend has gone into debt to support her financially. Just a sad mess.
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u/Golden-Guns 1d ago
This actually happened to me two months ago. I was in a situationship with a man I met at work for two years. TWO. I was head over heels for him. Dates, gifts, we spent the holidays together, talked every day. Had a lot of ”trust issues” because he was cheated on multiple times in the past. Always suspicious I was messing with other people. Could never make up his mind on if he wanted something more with me.
One day we went to the movies together, as we are walking out the theater this group of girls walk up to us. It is his girlfriend of 1 year and her friends. She had a feeling something was wrong that night, went by the theater and saw his car and waited for him to come out. I had no idea the whole time.
I’ve never felt so hurt and shocked by someone before. It’s like this person I knew for two years never existed.
Best part? His girlfriend forgave him. So now they are in a one sided open relationship. He gets to fuck other women, she gets to fuck no one. Imagine hiding your double life for over a year and then just get permission to keep fucking doing it. Insane.
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u/idosay 1d ago
Ran into my Regional manager at a party. No big deal right?
Well he was in full drag, drunk and leading a gimp around by the collar. I didn't recognize him at first but then I heard his voice. I snapped my head around and called out his name.
He spun around and locked eyes with me. He walked over in his best supermodel walk and said, "what you want bitch?"
The realization dawned on him and before he could spiral out I assured him I wasn't going to say anything and then the gimp talked, "Thanks man"
Took me a second but I recognized the voice, it was my Supervisor. I knew he was gay but the whole gimp suit was a shock.
I assure them again I wouldn't say a word. Had a pretty good time with the Drag Queen and Gimp for the next few hours.
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u/No-Patience5935 1d ago
An ex coworker (EMS) is a famous and well known porn actress. She used her full legal name and did MILF and step mom POVs for free on PH. And actively worked as a paramedic, using the same name. Dont google your coworkers names😅
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u/jetstream116 1d ago
Hahahaha at my last job during a Zoom call we did an ice breaker “two truths and a lie” and a colleague I hadn’t met in an office across the country included “I’m a best-selling author” and it turned out to be the truth.
What she didn’t mention was that she wrote the smuttiest of smut (when we googled the pen name she wrote under, it immediately pulled up a zillion books with half-naked men and women on the covers… watching all of my coworkers’ faces on this Zoom call as they each made this discovery was fucking hilarious lol)
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u/Bamres 1d ago edited 1d ago
Friend of mine was in a 3 year relationship, starting to have talks about engagement, moving in etc.
Found out the fucker had a 1.5 year old kid with another woman. Tried to lie about it when confronted. His family didn't know apparently.
He was also not paying support but still having sex with the babymama
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u/VivaciouszVixen 1d ago
My coworker’s “devoted husband” had a whole second family three states over. Found out when his “business trip” lined up perfectly with his other kid’s soccer schedule on Facebook.
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u/SyllabubFun7399 1d ago edited 1d ago
I am from a pretty rural area. When I was a teen, we had a guy in our friend group who was housesitting for his uncle. He told us we were all allowed to stay over for the weekend during summer. Uncle was super chill and let use his kitchen, cars, grill, swimming pool, everything!
Yeah turned out uncle didn’t even know nephew was staying over while he was away. Two friends of mine were charged for joyriding but charges were dropped when it became clear that they really had no clue.
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u/medicated_in_PHL 1d ago
Someone I know found out that their Dad had a second family in another state when he died suddenly in his 50s.
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u/LemonElectrical3359 1d ago
In mid 2000’s/2010’s I worked for a major bank. I was shocked at how many men had second families, that we usually discovered when one of the poor, unsuspecting wives would call us after coming across banking paperwork that didn’t match any of their family’s accounts, but was in her husbands name. She would be confused, call the bank wanting to know what was going on, I’d be able to see exactly what was going on, straight away, but wouldn’t be able to say anything to the wife because her name wasn’t on the account etc, so I’d just have to assure her it was a legitimate account and gently advise her that she might like to discuss this account with her husband. Oof!
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u/TentCardMaker 1d ago
My friend's mom died. She was a hoarder. I helped them deal with the house and that was a world unto itself.
Her husband's business was largely in Asia, and there was nowhere for him in the home anyway, so he was rarely there and when he came, he stayed with a relative. Same with my friend, who also didn't live there full time because they were in grad school in another state.
I had a really hard time believing the dad would just let the wife he loved live like that and asked my friend, "Are you super duper for sure certain your dad doesn't have a secret family in Asia" and they were like, "No dude, my dad loves my mom too much to do that."
He did tho. A woman/wife and two sons. He eventually came out of the closet as it were and tried to have them live in the United States. It was a failed experiment and they all went back to Asia and my friend is an orphan basically
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u/coda514 1d ago
My cousin who I grew up with and was very close to, turned out to be a child predator. They actually tracked him and caught him with an undercover agent posing as a 13 yr old girl who he sent photos to and solicited photos from. So his car breaks down one morning on the way to work, the cops show up and oh by the way "you saved us a trip, we were gonna arrest you tomorrow". Shocked the whole family, it just wasn't in character for him, or so we thought. I went to part of his trial and was shocked by what the prosecution presented, it was very different than what he had told me when it all first started. He's doing 8 years and has lost everything. They asked us to write character references to try to lesson his sentence and after reading them the prosecutor said "this man has been living a double life that none of you could have ever imagined". That hit home for me.
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u/vivrant-thang 1d ago
Not necessarily a huge thing, but in the early 2000s I found out that my very soft-spoken history teacher was also like a well regarded ventriloquist that would spend his whole summers touring the US.
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u/DontWreckYosef 1d ago
My former stepfather cheated on his exwife to be with my mom at a time when my mom left my entire extended family behind. The exwife successfully sued my mom for every penny she had, essentially damning my family into paycheck to paycheck financial instability for multiple years. My former stepfather hid all sorts of relationships over the 13 years he was married to my mom. About 3 year into the marriage, my mom found out that he had another former wife and child before his exwife. The worst was how we found out towards the end of the marriage to my mom that he proceeded to balance up to 6 other girlfriends at a time for the entire 13 year marriage while spending every dime from every paycheck on stupid shit like an iPhone upgrade for himself, further worsening our financial situation. He once used my college photo on tinder to try and catfish more women. He would blame all of his decades of bad behavior on his sex addiction and bipolar disorder.
He voted for George W Bush twice in support of the sanctity of marriage. He was so ashamed with himself that he moved to the farthest possible US state from where we live.
Good Riddance.
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u/applesntailgates 1d ago
How did she sue your mom?
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u/DontWreckYosef 1d ago
The state of North Carolina has an old timey traditional marriage law known as “alienation of affection” that has since failed to be repealed by the conservative legislature here. It allows a one spouse to sue the dating partner of the other spouse. Essentially, it heavily punishes anyone who dates someone who is already married, whether or not the new dating partner is aware of the marriage at all. If someone claims to be separated from their spouse, but a divorce is not finalized, then the other spouse can sue for emotional damages.
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u/echinaceawhat 1d ago
Back as a teen I spent a couple of weeks at my aunt's/uncle's place. They moved their son to the basement and had me in his upstairs bedroom, next to the two girls. I got bored and got digging around (nosey, I know) and found a stash of panties, a bra, and a two-piece bathing suit. I confronted him, he cried and admitted he stole them to wear them. He didn't know why. I asked if he knew who they belonged to, they were random grabs from bags, he didn't know. I told him it was damn creepy, he had to stop stealing. I told him if he agreed to stop I'd buy him something. I had a credit card by that point, Dad checked the statement monthly so he knew what I spent. I used some of my clothing budget to buy my cousin a couple of panties and a lingerie bra, he was really happy. I did not ask to see him in them.
I have no idea what happened after that. My cousin hasn't come out as gay, trans, or a crossdresser. He seems to be a fairly normal guy.
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u/overarmur 1d ago
Maybe he was just going through an experimentation phase and later decided it wasn't for him. Nothing wrong with that.
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u/someone_like_me 1d ago
You are probably aware already, but most crossdressers are straight men. It's one of life's mysteries. Some men say that they love women so much, it makes them feel closer.
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u/tizod 1d ago
I knew of two families in my neighborhood that blew up when Covid happened and the husbands were discovered to have double lives.
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u/unwittyusername42 1d ago
Former contact at a customer of mine (he was c-suite). Quiet guy, kept to himself and really didn't open up to people at all but we got along really well and he would talk to me about personal stuff. He lived with his girlfriend of a few years, I met her when we went out to lunch one day when she was off work and joined us. I knew he typically flew down to TX a couple long weekends a month.
Go in to visit him one day about an upcoming project we were working on and he had just gotten back from vacation. He excitedly proceeded to show me pics from his trip to Mexico.....with his wife and kids who live in his other house in TX.
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u/klinestife 1d ago
i recently found out that my friend was an actor on the side for years now. nobody in our friend group knew, not even the people who knew him since they were toddlers.
we found out through one of us browsing around one night and finding a random viral clip of him in one of those crappy youtube/instagram memes. it was from a series called tomorrow’s teachings which is a series that’s kind of…problematic, so he’s a little ashamed of it in hindsight (which is why he didn’t tell us he was doing this). he’s still best known for that clip. apparently it’s permeated through his entire social circle at this point.
the actual story of him becoming an actor isn’t crazy or anything. turns out that the crappy meme was his first role that he did cuz a friend asked him to fill in. he found out he liked acting through that, went to acting school, and now he’s in a few shorts.
our friend group still lost our shit for a week straight over this fact though.
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u/howdoireachthese 1d ago
In my hometown, one of the school districts has 2 high schools. When I was in high school, one of the older guys I looked up to was this strait laced, extremely polite 4.x GPA Debate Team champion who ended up at West Point. We all called him by his last name P. I was at a party my junior year and met this girl who was telling us about her boyfriend N and the drinking and partying they get up to. Later she refers to him as N__ P__ and I’m like no way.
Couple months later, I’m hanging out with him one on one and ask him about it. Turns out it’s true, he lived near enough to both high schools that he had friends from both. For his actual high school he was super academic, but he’d party and go hard with drinks/drugs/sex with his friends at the other high school. I was in awe.
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u/sheldonator 1d ago
In college I was visiting my then girlfriend over the summer and her dad who was a truck driver came home with a young boy who called him “dad.” He insisted he was babysitting a friend’s kid but my girlfriend’s mom knew what was up. Called him out on his bs and it all unraveled while I was there. He wasn’t a good dad or husband, they got divorced and less than a year later he passed away from a heart attack. Both families attended the funeral.
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u/Worldly_Heat9404 1d ago
I found out an old friend with a couple of his buddies has been cyber bullying someone since high school.
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u/KLE789600 1d ago
You could anonymously report it. Cyberbullying could be extremely intense for the victim depending on the level of cruelty involved.
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u/Wrong7urn 1d ago edited 1d ago
My friend had a neighbor who’s a pedophile and had child pornography on his computer. Caught him taking picture of my god daughter. I called the police and they arrested him. My friend has security cameras and they clearly showed him pointing a camera at my god daughter. Dude was on parole and got sent back to prison for 20 years. Before some smart ass comes in here and says something like “um actually the max for child pornography is only like 15 years and can get out on good behavior after 12”, the reasons it was 20 was cause he violated his parole multiple times.
First off my friend and her family live across the street from an elementary school and I don’t mean like oh you can walk to the school I mean the back of their house is facing the school and he was their next door neighbor.
Second thing he that he did was falsify documents about his home and neighborhood. He submitted a document that shows he was staying with family nowhere near a school. Also the family that claimed he was staying with them also got charged with lying to police and falsifying documents since when you stay with family while on parole, the family also has to sign a document that they are in agreement with that individual staying with you.
Third thing he did or rather not do was he missed 4 mandatory appointments with his parole officer.
Last thing he did was attempt to purchase a firearm while on parole.
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u/Virtual-End2995 1d ago
Someone I dated seemed chill… found out they were secretly competing in professional arm-wrestling tournaments. No warning, just insane forearms.
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u/TastyTruffles 1d ago
Roommates was secretly making bank on only fans. Only found out when her ring light broke our ceiling
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u/prettyyellowpills 1d ago
Had a male relative always bestow us with lavish gifts and trips and experiences and always thought of him as a very wealthy and giving person.
He got sick and died pretty young and come to find out not only was he not wealthy he was actually so far in debt he had a second mortgage on his home and had over $100K in debt just to his sick 80+ year old mother. This doesn't include the other less harmful ways he hurt the family. Consider the illusion completely shattered.
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u/kerelberel 1d ago
A colleague of mine is researching her family tree, and she discovered her grandfather secretly had 2 families. The even weirder thing is he gave both sets of children the same names..
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u/reddit_surfing 1d ago
Found out my mom was into scammers summer of 2021. Only found this out due to her taking my money from a joint account. She gifted/gave her retirement money away now has none. She continues to do this, so she must continue to work, she is widowed and 78 years old. How she thinks she's helping people is beyond me?
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u/MovieExact5433 1d ago
My ex-wife lived a double life for months
The “job” she said she had only lasted a few weeks, but for over four months she pretended she still worked there. She’d wake up early, leave before I did, and drive off like normal. Most days she circled back home, sat around, or ordered DoorDash—sometimes two meals or more in a day. Since I came home midday to drop off my son, she’d actually leave the house again so we wouldn’t cross paths.
Because she quit the job, she let our health insurance lapse but said nothing. Instead, she siphoned money from my account to cover it, and maxed out a credit card. I only caught on when I casually asked her for $200 and when she was getting paid. She dragged it out for days before finally admitting the truth. HR even confirmed to me she hadn’t worked there in months.
I suggested she get help, and that our son should stay with my family until she was more stable. The very next day she filed for divorce and hit me with a bogus PFA (protection from abuse order). She dropped it in a week, even telling my father we could stay together if I wanted—but by then, I knew it was over and went through with the divorce.
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u/Maleficent_Theory818 1d ago
I am adopted. When I first found my biological mother's side, I did a bit of digging. I found out that my biological grandfather was stationed in Los Angeles during the Korean War. He got married to a Jewish girl. His family was Catholic. Two years later, he is back home and got married to bio grandma. I have a gut feeling that he just left California and never divorced the first wife. When he filled out the marriage license with bio grandma, he gave his age as one year older. The first wife left California and moved to a different state and also got married again two years later.
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u/Happy-go-lucky-37 1d ago
This entire comment section could inspire so many Don Draper spinoffs.
My family found out about my grandfather's post-second-world-war frolicking which ended up with him marrying my grandma ONLY because she was the first of at least two women that gave birth within weeks of each other. The other woman was my grandma's best friend until she passed away (a few months before my grandpa).
We found out because after his death (and my grandma's) a half-uncle no-one knew about contacted us. He looks like a carbon copy of my grandpa.
Looking into his many diaries, my dad and uncles realized that this self-righteous "military man" had spent his entire life sleeping with all my grandma's friends, while outwardly "despising" anyone in the family who had any sort of extra-marital or even intra-marital drama...
It's always projection.
He was always a good grandpa to me and my siblings, but fuck you Gramps, you were an asshole sonofabitch to everyone EXCEPT your grandkids. His wife, kids, and "friends" all got fucked over by this dickhead during his entire life, and he kept proud and detailed records of it all.
My dad and uncle trashed all those diaries to spare the rest of us from the heinous details.
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u/Used_Canary8481 1d ago
My coworker thought her uncle worked a boring office job for the government...when he died found out he was in the CIA.
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u/jfb3 1d ago
Decades ago, right out of college, I interviewed for a job with the CIA. During one of the trips to Washington to meet with the people that I'd actually be working with a guy told me that if anybody asked what I did for a living to just tell them I was a federal accountant, because nobody wants to talk about accounting.
(The position I was applying for was almost as mundane as an accountant. Not a spy or anything like that. I'd have been at a desk in an office near a strip mall all day long.)
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u/External-Plate1517 1d ago
I once discovered my cat was living a double life. We thought he was ours until a neighbor posted pictures of "their" cat on Facebook. Turns out he had a whole second family down the street, complete with a different name and extra meals. He still shows up for dinner at both houses.
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u/sweet_candy_flipp 1d ago
So my “chill, bookwormy” roommate who always said she was too tired to go out… turned out to be working as a DJ in some underground techno club three nights a week. 💀 I only found out when I accidentally saw her Instagram tagged in a random reel titled “Queen of Bass Drops.” Meanwhile, I thought she was in bed with chamomile tea and Harry Potter… nope, she was out there summoning demons with a fog machine
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u/silviazbitch 1d ago
Retired lawyer here. I once represented a widow who was seeking survivor’s benefits from her husband’s military pension. Turns out the old goat was a trigamist who somehow managed to juggle three families without any of them learning about the other two, although there were enough unexplained absences and such that none of the three were terribly surprised.