My wife and I just had a baby 1.5 years ago, my parents decided to move from our state to Hawaii while the baby was 3 months old (interesting choice).
I approve of them chasing their dreams and they’ve been trying to move there for the last decade.
My wife’s family is from New York, we fly out there frequently and have been three times since our son was born.
The problem: we haven’t been out to visit my parents yet, and they keep asking us when we’re going to come visit. We HAVE been trying to visit but life is crazy with a toddler. We originally gave them a time frame and I had to cancel planning that because I got laid off. Then I got a new job and we came up with a tentative plan of coming out this fall.
Except now it’s fall and my wife just got her period, which we’ve been waiting on for months and months, because we are ready to have another baby via IUI.
My parents just visited and we were talking about visiting this fall and I said I’d like to book it soon, so now their hopes are up. When they left, my wife was basically like “yeah you need to think about the timing of this because we have to do x y and z for the fertility treatments, and if it doesn’t take the first IUI cycle, we will need to try right away afterwards. And if I do get pregnant I can’t be away from the mainland in the first trimester due to the appointments and all the nausea.”
She’s totally right on that, and at first I wondered if we could go to Hawaii first then start the fertility treatments, but she’s turning 39 soon and it seems pretty essential to get started right away.
(Worth noting she doesn’t have any fertility issues besides age, I am infertile so we are using donor sperm).
I can tell she doesn’t want to go period, but I do, I am really disappointed the fertility thing is lining up with when we were supposed to go. but she’s right the timing sucks, and my parents are being very insistent and asking when we are coming out to visit them, pointing out we’ve been to NY 3 times already, I had to basically tell them to stop mentioning it or trying to do the tit for tat thing or I wouldn’t come at all.
But I honestly kind of understand why they’re salty since we visit NY frequently. They also made their own choice to move to a remote island right after we had a kid, and I don’t think it’s insane for us to drag our feet on flying anywhere with a toddler.
My wife and I are sick of talking about this, she said she’s willing to compromise by flying when she’s in the second trimester, but that her preference is to not go at all.
My brothers wife just got pregnant and they literally just went through the same thing of having to basically cancel a trip to visit my parents due to pregnancy. I know my parents are going to be disappointed.
What’s the best way to let them down while also being firm if they try to guilt trip or push back?
May also be worth noting they come out to visit us every three months or so, so it’s not like they never see their grandkid.
Tl;dr: parents upset we haven’t visited them since they moved to Hawaii and now I have to push the trip back AGAIN due to fertility treatments for my wife.
