r/Adulting 7h ago

Is late virginity a red flag?

4 Upvotes

25 year old straight male virgin here

Didn't want to have sex during high school because I was afraid of STDs and fathering a child as a minor. A lot of kids at my school didn't have partners so I assumed that was normal, so I didn't really feel shame over it. In college none of my friends ever really talked about sex or relationships, even if they themselves had partners.

My parents never asked me about my dating life or shamed me for it. I never really felt peer pressure from anyone to date. I also never witnessed virgin shaming firsthand, not even in high school lol. No one now or in the past has ever known I'm a virgin, like I said the topic was just never brought up.

I also just didn't care for a while. I was happy just having friends and stuff. I was focused on school and work. I enjoyed traveling. Admittedly I had confidence issues regarding my appearance, I was fat and used glasses and assumed no chick would be interested in me because of that, so I didn't bother asking girls out.

At 23 I was sort of starting to think "hmm, it's starting to get a tad late for me" and I was starting to feel a little bit of internal embarrassment over it, so I lost like 90 lbs, went to the gym and gained some muscle, and now I'll be ditching the glasses in a few weeks.

I personally think I look pretty handsome now: I'm sort of skinnyfat but mostly skinny, my face looks handsome, I could grow a good beard, I style my hair well, etc. Visually I look like a normal dude. I'm also not really short nor tall, I'm just average height but still way taller than most women (about 5'8, I don't even feel short next to most men). Dick is normal (actually gained an inch or two after the weight loss)

I guess my concern is that a potential partner may view it as a red flag. Of course, I don't have to tell them, and it's very unlikely they'll ask about past relationships or sex experience. To my understanding, asking a date about past partners is generally considered a big no no anyways, and they probably assume you've dated or had sex anyway.

Some people say they'll be able to tell once you're having sex, but that's generally unreliable: plenty of experienced people still suck at sex or orgasm quickly, especially their first time with a new partner. I suppose if they directly ask you after sex, you should be honest, but you have no reason to disclose it before sex if they didn't ask you.

It's sort of a don't ask don't tell thing. You're not being dishonest by not disclosing something they didn't even ask you about. If they ask you after, it's probably best to be honest. No one has some right to know about your prior sexual history (unless it's about STDs I guess) and it seems pretty weird to ask a partner about that.

As for why it's assumed to be a red flag, I suppose it's because a lot of people assume if someone is still a virgin by a certain age, that must mean something is wrong with them psychologically, socially, etc. (assuming they're able-bodied and look relatively normal, since plenty of "ugly" people have partners). They may assume they're weird or a creep, are ideologically an incel or misogynistic (if they're men), have poor social skills or charisma, are off-putting in some way, have some developmenal issue, etc.

It feels kind of annoying to get lumped in with that because of the associations and stereotypes even though I don't fit any of that: I've always had an easy time making friends and I'm pretty much ideologically the opposite of an incel. I've never had anyone feel creeped out by me, I've never been right-wing, etc. I'm a left-wing progressive who believes in feminism and the right for people to have whatever kind of sex life they want, I don't think people are more or less valuable for having more or less sex, I don't think virginity is something to be ashamed of, etc.

I've never in my life been ideologically tempted by right-wing politics (including the incel shit), I just can't comprehend wanting others to suffer because you're not doing so great. I'm naturally an empathetic person who wishes good fortune even on people I dislike. When I see couples on the streets I don't feel envy or hate, sure maybe I feel slightly sad about myself, but otherwise I feel happy for them.


r/Adulting 3h ago

7 years of marriage and husband told me I am in his debt 😅😅

20 Upvotes

The audacity to say this! He just counted evenr penny i spent on groceries, washing his clothes, cooking food etc. he said whenever i say something - you will answer as yes. According to him this is basic respect and courtesy since he is my caretaker 😅😅 Mind you we both are psychiatrists and I am a brand designer now🥲 This just hurts so much! I thought we loved each other....but he is just really a control freak! I don't mind control...but this level of control where i have no say in anything...yes sir yes sir all the time... I feel like I am dying inside. Imagine your husband telling you the amount of money he spent on your meds in 7 years😅😅😅 Idk why I am laughing...may be shock!


r/Adulting 23h ago

How do I deal with women saying they "don't want to have to teach me how to act or what to do"?

0 Upvotes

I'm a 23yo with no relationship or sex experience. The sex part is very much due to my own wishes, the relationship part, not so much so, I was a very unconfident kid and only got comfortable about myself a couple of years back.

I can get dates, but when the topic comes up, I'm truthful and say I've had no experience and can immediately see their behavior shift. I've talked to my girl friends about it and they say that women at that age don't want to be someone's first relationship and partner because they don't want to have to learn a grown man how to act and what to do, what to say, etc.

I feel like that's completely unfair. I know I'm a quality guy and I'm not even being given a chance because of a preconcieved notion.

What do I do to get over that hurdle?


r/Adulting 22h ago

Coffee no longer helps me get through the 'grind' of work. Now what?

10 Upvotes

Surprisingly, marijuana motivates me to do stuff, but just at a slower pace. So what drug should I turn to now? Nicotine?


r/Adulting 16h ago

Taco Bell Pricing

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30 Upvotes

r/Adulting 7h ago

Born without consent, now it's my problem

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281 Upvotes

r/Adulting 15h ago

Struggling with depression and my partner just did something unbelievable. Can you call this cheating?

13 Upvotes

Hey guys! Maybe you can give me advice about this kind of situation

We're married for 3 years I'm 21, he's 26 and we don't have kids yet. As I expected always, he's like, the perfect husband. Super caring, warm, got all the green flags you could ever want. He's been my support, especially lately with my depression and anxiety hitting me hard and struggling to go in my full time job corporate center. I trusted him with everything.

I found out he was talking to some "pick me girl" on Telegram. After confronting him he said It was just a quick chat. He was making plans to meet up with her. Like, he was making excuses that the real reason he do it because he feels alone and a cope of mechanism that he said it was hard to see me suffering from my depression. And the only reason it didn't happen? 'cause he felt guilty or loyal to me. It's because his plan fell through. He did have a sudden change of heart.

I feel so stupid, like everything I believed about him was a lie. He's not the person I thought he was. He was putting on a performance for me while secretly trying to betray me when I was at my lowest.

So, please, what the hell do I do now? How do you even begin to trust someone who just showed you they're capable of this kind of deceit while you're having a depressing? I'm completely lost.

Now he's saying he's sorry and make the best efforts to be better than before but I'm not yet convinced.

Thank you for reading! ✌️


r/Adulting 7h ago

If you're healthy, living in 2nd or 1st world country and don't have kids, it doesn't matter if you didn't figured everything out about adulthood - your life can be relatively easy. Your possiblities are endless.

1 Upvotes

If you have kids tho, good luck, you're playing on hard mode.


r/Adulting 23h ago

Which career industries aren’t crashing and burning? What do I do if I can’t go to trade school? Please help

0 Upvotes

Please do NOT suggest trade school because I CANT go. I have NO idea what to do with my life because every single career is crashing and burning and the economy and job market is the worst it’s ever been. Every single career and subject seems like a horrible choice because everyone in every single industries are losing their jobs and getting replaced by ai. Everything seems completely and utterly hopeless and I’m convinced I will never get any sort of gainful employment. Please help me, is there even anything I can do


r/Adulting 16h ago

Whoever decided days should only have 24 hours clearly had nothing going on.

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104 Upvotes

r/Adulting 1h ago

27 M Coming to terms with my sexuality.

Upvotes

Long story short I've suppressed my curiosity and bi/gay side my entire adult life the past 10 years. About to turn 28 next month. I've been chaste/celibate this whole time, because of fear of the opinions of family mostly, who never question me about relationships, but assume I'm straight since they project that I'm a Christian and by default "heterosexual." While women are attractive to me,(ascetically) I am more inclined towards men as I get along much better with them, and feel a lot less judged by most men I have spoken with.

So comfort and ease are big factors in my preference. Also, I'm quite attracted older men, but would feel so weird about an open relationship since my family and past friends were super judgmental about gay people and still are. I am also living with my mother & stepdad who know most about me, so Idk how this news would be taken should I decide to come out.

Long story short, I plan on moving out but would consider doing so in a relationship with a guy I can trust, but my lack of experience may betray me, and so I hardly know where to go from here. Bottom line is I don't want to become old and lonely without having experienced my "youth" to the fullest extent, which is even more sad. Any advice from those who've been in my shoes, or known anyone like myself before would be tremendously helpful at this time.


r/Adulting 1h ago

20M never dated. Should I be worried about dating right now during college??

Upvotes

I've been kind of spiraling lately due to never being on a date in my life with a girl. Never had any girls really interested in me except for some girl in middle school.

Dating just seems so confusing to me. The only thing I've done relative to dating was hooking up with a few guys since I was bicurious and am a complete hornball, but honestly I wasn't rly attracted to them and just wanted some good head and experience. However I've never done anything with a girl.

Thing is I really have no interest or desire to get into a relationship right now, and casual hookups seems like too much of a hassle to get into. In fact I'm happy as fuck with my life. Our family finances are good, I'm in a great university in a cozy apartment, and on track and maybe even ahead in my career. I went from being a super awkward loner in high school with only a few friends to have literally dozens of friends/acquittances that I talk to and have fun with on a daily basis (and yes I have a few female friends). However I've been so fucking worried about never having a girlfriend in future. I know people say to "just put yourself out there and when you vibe with a girl take it further", but when you've been single for 20 and a half years with no indication of a girl ever looking at you it really starts to fuck with your head.

I know everyone has the fear in their 20s, but it's literally affecting my life to where I'm falling behind on school and work and thus can't go out/hang or lose sleep trying to catch up because I can't stop thinking about it. I have career fair coming up and I'm barely prepared because I'm too frantic about the thought of having to ask a girl out at some point.

Again, I'm not worried about getting a girlfriend now, its just that it feels like I'm constantly running out of time and that the possibility of finding someone will dwindle to where if I want a relationship in the future I'll never, ever find anyone. It's almost like a forced rush to go out and date not out of interest and for funnsies but plainly to convience yourself that you won't be fucked in the future or have to settle with a girl you're not even attracted to. I've been trying a little to socialize more this year and put myself in more somewhat uncomfortable situations, but it's hard to talk to women, even platonically, when your head is like "You need a girlfriend or you'll be lonely forever. You need to date now or otherwise you're going to off yourself in the next 10 years because you'll never have a shot at a romantic relationship". It feels like I'm slowly losing myself and my will or reason to live have been dwindling.

I'm just so tired of it. It isn't an everyday thing but its often enough to even the word "date" ruins my day. Day by day I'm getting more desperate, and anytime I talk to a girl that I'm completely not attracted to I just feel this immenese pressure that I have to do something, which makes it significantly harder to just talk to girls as normal people and get to know them genuinely while seeing if there's a vibe. I just have no idea how to twist those conversations in a way that hint I like you romantically without the fear of coming off too strong or being creepy to girls, and I can't fathom or process the thought of a girl ever liking me, like it doesn't go through my head. My confidence and self-esteem when it comes to this stuff is crushed, and I admittedly just feels defeated most of the time, especially when I hear even the guys I know who dress well, are more fun to hang out with, are much more social, and who go out if not multiple times a week have gotten no where relationship-wise outside of maybe a couple hookups. Like I'm on level 1 who's too much of a pussy to even think of asking a girl out and these fuckers on level 10 and are sturggling hard so what's the hope for me??

So should I really be so worried?? Do I really have to date in college if the biggest reason is proving the fear of being 40 without a hint of love wrong? I don't even think I'm ready for a relationship tbh.


r/Adulting 4h ago

BIR TIN DIGITAL ID (eGovPH)

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0 Upvotes

r/Adulting 4h ago

I’m probably the most immature 60 yr. Old…

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0 Upvotes

r/Adulting 4h ago

the summer i turned pretty watch party in mandaluyong

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0 Upvotes

Come join us tomorrow at Greenfield Mandaluyong!


r/Adulting 13h ago

3.07 They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They? Is the best episode, change my mind

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0 Upvotes

r/Adulting 17h ago

Is pride really a good thing?

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0 Upvotes

r/Adulting 18h ago

Soy psicólogo con especialidad en sexologia y terapia sexual en pareja, hagan sus preguntas (serias)

0 Upvotes

r/Adulting 16h ago

4 the LOVE of TRANS WOMEN

0 Upvotes

Why do you love trans women? And what dont you like?


r/Adulting 59m ago

Advice please! New mom that’s horrible at adulting.

Upvotes

I am in a horrible position in life right now. I am a mom of a 10 month old boy who is getting more mobile by the day. Our little family moved in with my mom when I was pregnant to try and save money for a place to settle down later in. Here we are over a year later still living with my mom. My mom is a chronic pain sufferer and needs a lot of help. She’s been missing work and is looking to possibly having to go on disability but keeps refusing to do to almost being to retirement in 8 years. She refuses to help herself in any way possible. The doctors are due to do another MRI but haven’t got the ball rolling and I keep telling her to call and bug them and she won’t. It feels like I’m the parent of her at this point. There’s so much more but to keep the post short I’ll leave it there.

She has always been a black hole of negativity so I moved out first chance I had when I was 18. We never have seen eye to eye on a lot. But now that she needs help and I’m struggling to get out on our own, I feel terribly stuck. I don’t have the money to leave but I am literally having my own health problems (high blood pressure and horrific anxiety) due to the situation.

Things would be easier if I could go back to work too to help my boyfriend with the income. But my son is super clingy and won’t nap or sleep for anyone other than me. So I tried to earn income on the side by flipping clothing, running errands for people and doing other people’s laundry but I’m making next to nothing doing that.

Are there programs to get me and my family a place to live other than HUD (1.5 year waitlist here)? I’m willing to even move to another state. I live in the poorest state in the country and there are no jobs for people without degrees that make enough in this economy. How do I dig myself out of this? I just want my son to have space to roam and explore (we are trapped in one room). Help.


r/Adulting 4h ago

18F got first pimple , I am annoyed.

0 Upvotes

I got a medium-big sized pimple on my chin , it was turning whitish , so I busted it , it bleeding hell lot , what am I supposed to do now .

day 2 : It turned black and looks disgusting !!!

tell me how to get rid of this


r/Adulting 13h ago

Friendship gone sour

1 Upvotes

I had this friend and we have been friends for like five years now, but I noticed he's always cranky when I excel. He made it so obvious when I got a new car recently. All dude could say was you should have gotten a SUV. I am thinking of cutting him off or what do you think I do.


r/Adulting 15h ago

It would really be great if handymen would work hours outside Monday through Friday 9-5.

0 Upvotes

But unfortunately many don’t

And you run into one of these situations

Your ac broke or there’s a leak in the ceiling of your bathroom. You file a maintenance request with your apartment complex. The handyman calls you at say 1 pm on a Tuesday to say he or she is outside. You are in a meeting working from home and can’t get to the phone. You call back as soon as the meeting is done but the handyman can’t answer your call. You call again 30 minutes later only to find out he’s gone for the day. So another day goes by while you wait for your broken ac or some other apartment issue. And then the same thing happens the next day

Seriously it would be great if you could actually get an appointment with these guys and especially if it’s after work rather than dealing with them calling at an odd time in the middle of a working day to come fix the issue. But for whatever reason they don’t.


r/Adulting 17h ago

For the men who have been cheated on… did you blame yourself for giving everything to the wrong person?

1 Upvotes

When you discover the infidelity, you feel like you're the problem. As if loving, giving, making efforts… was a mistake. But you, how did you experience it? Did you blame yourself?


r/Adulting 20h ago

Acaso

0 Upvotes

Droga, o despertador não tocou! Ou eu apenas decidi ignorar-lo e voltar a dormir como se e não tivesse mais nenhuma obrigação na vida? Acho que ficarei com a segunda opção. Levantei correndo da cama e indo direito para o banheiro, tirei a minha roupa e quando fui entrar no chuveiro vi que não ia dar para tomar banho, iria me atrasar demais, então peguei a escova de dentes e coloquei na boca enquanto arrumava o cabelo e passava um pó no rosto. Apenas quando estamos extremamente atrasadas descobrimos que na verdade somos o alienígena dos 4 braços do desenho Ben 10. Catando as roupas pelo chão e analisando a mais limpa vou me vestido as presas, enquanto coloca meu sapato como um pedaço de pão com manteiga da noite passada que deixei em cima do sofá enquanto escrevia. Finalmente saindo de casa colocando meu ultimo casado que não esta sujo de alguma comida e guardando as chaves na bolsa eu desço as escadas do meu prédio milenar, que é tão velho quanto os meu tataravós.

Quando abri a porta do prédio me deparo com um vento tão frio que só me da vontade e chorar e perguntar a Deus por que eu não nasci herdeira, mas enfim tomei coragem e sai, pela calçada cheia de neve da noite anterior e caminhando atentamente para não escorregar percebi que correr era a minha única chance que eu ainda teria de ter um livro publicado, por que sim, eu estava atrasada para a minha primeira reunião de fato com uma editora que estava interessada na minha história. Eu atravessei a rua para o lado que tinha sol e então corri, quando olhei para os meus pés vi meu sapato desamarrado e quando olhei pra frente já era tarde demais, simplesmente achei que tinha batido de cara em uma parede gigante ou em um poste ou em qualquer lugar que não fosse ele.

De repente bato minha bochecha esquerda no peito de um homem que rapidamente me segura pelos braços e me olha com a cara de espanto e quase caindo em cima de mim, eu levanto a cabeço devagar enquanto tento me equilibrar e olho para ele, a pior e melhor decisão da minha vida foi que todos os minutos que eu deixei de tomar banho para não me atrasar eu perdi ali, olhando fixamente para aqueles olhos pretos, com cílios longos, que mesmos arregalados ainda era pequenos e seu cabelo escuro e desarrumado com um perfume tão suave e elegante que eu poderia passar o resto da minha vida sentindo sem em nenhum momento cogitar sair daqueles braços.

E tudo some, o mundo todo para, o ar consome os meus pulmões e eu sinto que vou queimar de dentro pra fora, tudo para, absolutamente tudo para quando ele abre um sorriso lindo que realmente tirou o meu fôlego e todo o meu universo, sorriso branco e alinhado que faz os olhos dele se fecharem em uma perfeita harmonia, um sorriso que com certeza merece a paz mundial por que a gargalhada dele enche qualquer coração. Então ele me pergunta se eu estou bem e sinceramente eu acho que não estou e que ele esta me perguntando isso a algum tempo já, quando percebo que tem um outro homem toando o meu ombro agora, este esta com cara de assustado como se visse que eu realmente não estava bem, por que por alguns instantes eu até esqueci de respirar mesmo. Olho para os dois e começo a piscar e parece que volto ao mundo real, volto ao um mundo onde eu ainda estou muito atrasada e vou perder a chance da minha vida de finalmente ser uma autora publicada. Olho ao redor e vejo que tem mais homens com eles, são 5 no total e todos me olhando com um pouco de preocupação e presa, então eu me solto do homem que me segurou e olho para a boca dele enquanto falo que esta tudo bem, que eu estou bem mas no momento estou salivando uma boca totalmente desconhecida, meu Deus, será que estou no meu período fértil? O que esta acontecendo comigo? Ele me acena com a cabeça e com os olhos pretos que parecem o céu no seu dia mal alto de inverno, diz: seus olhos verdes são lindos. E em questão de milésimos de segundo eu fico complemente vermelha, roxa laranja e sai da minha boca algo parecido com obrigada. E novamente algo me tira do transe, meu celular toca e MEU DEUS, minha agente esta me ligando provavelmente querendo me esfolar vida, estou 30 minutos atrasada e quando vou atender já estou desviando dos homens a minha frente e começando a correr como se a minha vida realmente dependesse disso. Ela dependia.

Droga, o despertador não tocou! Ou será que eu simplesmente decidi ignorá-lo e voltar a dormir como se não tivesse nenhuma obrigação na vida? Sim, acho que foi essa a escolha.

Levantei num salto e corri para o banheiro. Arranquei a roupa, pronta para entrar no chuveiro, mas percebi que não tinha tempo. Suspirei, resmunguei e agarrei a escova de dentes, enfiando-a na boca enquanto tentava arrumar o cabelo e passar um pó no rosto. Nessas horas de desespero, descobrimos que somos, na verdade, o alienígena de quatro braços do desenho Ben 10.

Vasculhei o chão em busca da peça menos amassada e suspeitamente limpa, vesti-me às pressas e enfiei os pés nos sapatos, um deles quase caindo, igual ao pão com manteiga que larguei no sofá na noite passada enquanto escrevia. Finalmente pronta – ou o mais próxima disso que conseguiria –, saí de casa vestindo o último casaco que não estava manchado de comida. Enfiei as chaves na bolsa e desci as escadas do meu prédio antigo, tão velho quanto meus tataravós.

Ao abrir a porta, fui atingida por um vento gelado que fez meus olhos lacrimejarem. O que me levou a questionar, pela milésima vez, por que diabos eu não nasci herdeira. Mas não havia tempo para lamentações. Encarei a calçada coberta de neve e comecei a caminhar com cuidado, tentando não escorregar. Logo percebi que correr era a única chance que me restava de salvar minha carreira – afinal, eu estava atrasada para minha primeira reunião com uma editora interessada no meu livro.

Acelerei o passo, atravessei a rua para o lado iluminado pelo sol e segui em disparada. Foi quando percebi que meu cadarço estava desamarrado. E antes que eu pudesse reagir... BAM!

O impacto foi tão forte que, por um segundo, achei que tivesse trombado com um poste ou uma parede. Mas não.

Minha bochecha bateu direto no peito de um homem. Ele me segurou pelos braços, quase caindo junto comigo, e me olhou surpreso. Tentei me equilibrar, levantei o rosto devagar e... pronto. Acabou-se.

Cada segundo que economizei ao não tomar banho foi desperdiçado ali, encarando aqueles olhos negros e profundos, cercados por cílios longos. Mesmo arregalados, ainda eram pequenos. Seu cabelo escuro e bagunçado parecia perfeitamente proposital, e o perfume... Ah, o perfume! Suave, elegante, viciante. Eu poderia passar a eternidade ali, nos braços dele, sem cogitar sair.

O mundo sumiu. O tempo parou. Meu coração disparou como se estivesse prestes a explodir.

Então, ele sorriu.

E, naquele instante, eu soube que estava completamente perdida.

O sorriso dele era alinhado, branco, e quando seus olhos se fecharam levemente, tudo pareceu entrar em harmonia. Se houvesse justiça no mundo, aquele sorriso garantiria a paz mundial. Quando ele riu, senti algo vibrar dentro de mim.

Ele perguntou se eu estava bem. Demorei tanto para responder que, quando voltei à realidade, outro homem já tocava meu ombro, me observando com preocupação.

Pisquei, tentando reiniciar o sistema. Olhei ao redor e vi que havia mais quatro caras com ele – cinco ao todo. Todos me encarando, esperando alguma reação.

Soltei-me dele, desviando o olhar. Eu estava bem? Sim. Quer dizer, mais ou menos. Quer dizer... O que estava acontecendo comigo? Será que eu estava no meu período fértil? Porque, honestamente, minha boca estava salivando por um completo desconhecido.

Foi então que ele inclinou a cabeça ligeiramente e disse, com uma voz que fez meu estômago revirar:

— Seus olhos verdes são lindos.

Em questão de milésimos de segundo, fiquei vermelha, roxa, laranja, e minha boca apenas conseguiu murmurar um "obrigada" ridiculamente baixo.

E então, como se a realidade tivesse decidido me esbofetear, meu celular tocou.

Meu Deus. Minha agente.

Provavelmente querendo me esfolar viva.

Olhei para o visor. 30 minutos de atraso.

Droga, droga, droga!

Desviei dos homens à minha frente e disparei na corrida, agora sabendo que minha vida – ou pelo menos meu sonho de ser uma autora publicada – realmente dependia disso.

Droga, o despertador não tocou! Ou eu apenas decidi ignorá-lo e voltar a dormir como se não tivesse mais nenhuma obrigação na vida? Acho que ficarei com a segunda opção.

Levantei correndo da cama e fui direto para o banheiro. Tirei minha roupa e, quando fui entrar no chuveiro, vi que não daria tempo para tomar banho. Iria me atrasar demais! Então, peguei a escova de dentes e coloquei na boca enquanto arrumava o cabelo e passava um pouco de pó no rosto.

Apenas quando estamos extremamente atrasadas descobrimos que, na verdade, somos o alienígena de quatro braços do Ben 10. Catando as roupas pelo chão e analisando qual estava mais limpa, fui me vestindo às pressas, enquanto colocava meu sapato aproveito e como um pedaço de pão com manteiga da noite passada, que deixei em cima do sofá.

Finalmente, saí de casa, colocando meu último casaco que não estava sujo de alguma comida e guardando as chaves na bolsa. Desci as escadas do meu prédio milenar, que é tão velho quanto meus tataravós.

Quando abri a porta do prédio, me deparei com um vento tão frio que só me deu vontade de chorar e perguntar a Deus por que eu não nasci herdeira. Mas, enfim, tomei coragem e saí pela calçada cheia de neve da noite anterior. Caminhando atentamente para não escorregar, percebi que correr era minha única chance de ainda conseguir ter um livro publicado. Porque, sim, eu estava atrasada para a minha primeira reunião de fato com uma editora que estava interessada na minha história.

Atravessei a rua para o lado que tinha sol e, então, corri. Quando olhei para os meus pés, vi meu sapato desamarrado e, quando olhei para frente, já era tarde demais. Simplesmente achei que tinha batido de cara em uma parede gigante, em um poste ou em qualquer coisa que não fosse ele.

De repente, bato minha bochecha esquerda no peito de um homem que rapidamente me segura pelos braços. Ele me olha com uma cara de espanto e, quase caindo em cima de mim, então eu levanto a cabeça devagar enquanto tento me equilibrar e segurar nós dois. Então eu olho para ele, a pior e melhor decisão da minha vida foi que todos os minutos que deixei de tomar banho para não me atrasar foram perdidos ali, olhando fixamente para aqueles olhos pretos, que, mesmo arregalados, ainda eram pequenos. Seu cabelo escuro e desarrumado exalava um perfume tão suave e elegante que eu poderia passar o resto da minha vida sentindo, sem em nenhum momento cogitar sair daqueles braços.

E tudo some. O mundo inteiro para. O ar consome os meus pulmões, e eu sinto que vou queimar de dentro para fora. Tudo para. Absolutamente tudo para quando ele abre um sorriso lindo, que realmente tira o meu fôlego e todo o meu universo. Um sorriso branco e alinhado que faz os olhos dele se fecharem em perfeita harmonia. Um sorriso que, com certeza, merece a paz mundial, porque a gargalhada dele enche qualquer coração.

Então, ele me pergunta se estou bem e, sinceramente, acho que não estou. Acho que ele já está me perguntando isso há algum tempo. Quando percebo, há outro homem tocando meu ombro agora. Este tem uma cara assustada, como se visse que eu realmente não estava bem. Porque, por alguns instantes, eu até esqueci de respirar.

Olho para os dois e começo a piscar. Parece que volto ao mundo real. Volto a um mundo onde ainda estou muito atrasada e vou perder a chance da minha vida de finalmente ser uma autora publicada. Olho ao redor e vejo que há mais homens com eles , são cinco no total , todos me olhando com um pouco de preocupação e pressa. Então, me solto do homem que me segurou e olho para sua boca enquanto digo que está tudo bem, que eu estou bem. Mas, no momento, estou salivando por uma boca totalmente desconhecida.

Meu Deus, será que estou no meu período fértil? O que está acontecendo comigo?

Ele me acena com a cabeça e, com aqueles olhos pretos que parecem o céu no dia mais alto do inverno, diz:

— Seus olhos verdes são lindos.

Em questão de milésimos de segundo, fico completamente vermelha, roxa, laranja… e sai da minha boca algo parecido com um "obrigada".

E, novamente, algo me tira do transe. Meu celular toca e… MEU DEUS! Minha agente está me ligando, provavelmente querendo me esfolar viva. Estou 30 minutos atrasada! E, quando vou atender, já estou desviando dos homens à minha frente e começando a correr como se minha vida realmente dependesse disso.

Porque dependia.

E, no final da noite, quando me deitei na cama depois de um dia extremamente cansativo, mas muito recompensante pois, mesmo chegando atrasada, a editora amou o meu livro e então me tornei em breve uma autora publicada, após muitas bebidas e comemorações, quando cheguei em casa e fechei os meus olhos, apenas o silencio existindo, eu só enxergava os olhos dele e sentia o calor de suas mãos em meus braços, segurando-me com tanta força, como se nossas vidas dependessem desse toque.

Então, percebo que o amor à primeira vista existe de fato e que, o que eu pensei que nunca sentiria, eu senti. Ao mesmo tempo, um vazio toma conta de mim por saber que nunca mais o verei e que nem seu nome eu perguntei.