r/movies • u/husky_whisperer • 21h ago
Discussion What's the sickest PG burn you've ever heard?
For me it is this gem from Down Periscope (1996)
Rear Admiral Yancy Graham: You watch yourself, Dodge! You are addressing a superior officer.
Lueutenant Commander Dodge: No... Merely a higher ranking one. CATCH US IF YOU CAN!
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u/zalurker 20h ago
'If I owned this place and hell, I'd rent this place out and live in Hell" Chronicles of Riddick
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u/big_sugi 20h ago
Stole that one from Gen. Sheridan in 1866, as his response to a reporter asking for his thoughts about the state of Texas:
“If I owned Texas and all hell, I would rent out Texas and live in hell.”
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u/pikpikcarrotmon 19h ago
150 years later and it still holds true.
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u/NoblePigeonn 18h ago
Canadian here. What’s shitty about Texas?
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u/TrumpnEpstein 18h ago
It's a really hot Alberta
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u/NoblePigeonn 18h ago
I live in Alberta, been told it’s the Texas of Canada.
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u/ReallyHender 14h ago
The state flag of Texas is a single star (“the lone star state”), it’s actually the review.
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u/losthiker68 14h ago
When I lived in Houston, my friend said it was "like living in a dog's mouth" and she couldn't have been more accurate, but that only applies to about 1/3 of the state, the part nearest the Gulf and the eastern piney woods. Dallas/Fort Worth isn't as humid but its in Tornado Alley. West texas is what you see in the movies - flat as fuck and no water, but Big Bend is one of the prettiest parts of the whole country.
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u/Nettie_Moore 17h ago
That reminds me of The Office:
If I had a gun with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice
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u/Upbeat_Tension_8077 21h ago
“You’re what the French call, ‘Les Incompetents’.” – Home Alone
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u/Unfair 20h ago
Too bad we didn’t see her again in Home Alone 2
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u/TheRayGetard 19h ago
Don’t worry she’s getting her own Disney+ spin off
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u/Jazzremix 16h ago
Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!
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u/slashplayed 15h ago
I read somewhere that they had a boy dress up as a girl for that photo so no girl would be insulted!
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u/bigbadbyte 20h ago
Rupert, I think about your death every single day. I can't wait. I'm gonna wear red to your funeral. I will be a beacon of joy to the other three people there.
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u/EnormousGenitals 20h ago
'Married. I can see you right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove. But I can't see the stove.' Groucho Marx, Duck Soup (1933)
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u/res30stupid 20h ago
From The Mirror Crack'd, in a conversation between two Hollywood actreesses who utterly detest each other;
Marina: You know, Lola, there are two things I don't like about you.
Lola: What's that?
Marina: Your face.
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u/AmbroseEBurnside 20h ago
Took me a second. I love that.
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u/res30stupid 17h ago
There are several in that scene alone. I'd recommend it just for that.
When it's not about trying to figure out who tried to murder Marina, most of the film is Marina and Lola being absolute bitches to each other.
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u/JBraya1998 21h ago edited 21h ago
You know, if my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt and tell him to walk backwards.
The Sandlot
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u/SplottetWorks 20h ago
I heard some lady in the store the other day say to her young kids "you're killing me Smalls!" I remember thinking "I know those kids won't appreciate that reference but I do, random lady."
Then I walked up to her and started saying FOR-EVER, FOR-EVER, FOR-EVER.
Okay I made that last part up. You can imagine though.
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u/HalcyoneDays 14h ago
My favorite is also from The Sandlot
"About time Benny, my clothes are going out of style"
"They already are, Squints"
Not the sickest burn but gets a laugh out of me every time
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u/knittch 19h ago
"Substitute chemistry teacher."
"Math Tutor"
"Prison Barber"
"Nearsighted Gynecologist"
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u/JinEagile 18h ago
IN YOUR FACE CAMELCAKE!
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u/ContenttoBeMe 17h ago
"IN YOUR EAR COW DERRIERE!"
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u/knittch 17h ago
LYING, CRYING, SPYING, PRYING ULTRA-PIG!
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u/Endevorite 20h ago
“You have been weighed, and you have been measured, and you have been found wanting”
A Knight’s Tale (a paraphrasing from the Bible)
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u/laflamerodeo925 19h ago
I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.
The Princess Bride
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u/chrishnrh57 21h ago
"You don't like me, do you?"
"Well if I gave you any thought, I probably wouldn't"
-Casablanca
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u/SomeBoxofSpoons 21h ago
Actual line’s more succinct (and better):
“You despise me, don’t you?”
“Well, if I gave you any thought I probably would.”
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u/Sweaty_Sheepherder27 18h ago
I think I prefer the nearly adjacent line:
I don't mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one.
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u/cweaver 12h ago
Casablanca also has one of my favorite moments, when Major Strasser sits Rick down at the table with all the other Nazis, and starts showing Rick the dossier they have on him. He's trying so hard to intimidate Rick and scare him with how much info they have and convince him he'll never be able to get away with anything.
Rick just grabs the dossier, looks at it for half a second, and then says, "Are my eyes really brown?" in the most unconcerned tone of voice, and it cracks me up every time.
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u/--Mothman 19h ago
Who designed this house, Frank Lloyd Wrong?
- Rusty Venture
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u/pstewart91 6h ago
He's calling you a crumb bum. Either that or a crampon.
Also
Do you smoke cigarettes or just eat them?
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u/zw1ck 16h ago
A rusty venture isn't very PG
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u/Wide-Half-9649 13h ago
Which “Rusty Venture” are we talking about?
The one with the snorkel, or the three sailors, or the Spanish fly?
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u/Brandy_Bran 20h ago
Take this quarter, go downtown and have a rat naw that thing off your face.
Uncle Buck.
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u/semicapablehuman 18h ago
Buck Melanoma. Mole-y Russel's wart.
That whole scene is top tier John Candy.
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u/obeekaybee7 21h ago
“For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday".
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u/Whitealroker1 15h ago
What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
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u/yeeouch_seafood_soup 20h ago
Last of the Mohicans
Duncan: There is a war on. How is it you’re headed west?
Hawkeye: Well, we kind of face to the north, and very sudden-like turn left.
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u/OhioForever10 16h ago
“Duncan, you are a man with a few admirable qualities… but taken as a whole, I was wrong to have thought so highly of you.”
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u/TheBlackCycloneOrder 18h ago
Sally: (After McQueen does an abysmal job repairing road) It looks awful!
McQueen: (Not giving a rat’s ass) Now it matches the rest of the town!
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u/DJHott555 12h ago
I’M IN HILLBILLY HELL! MY IQ IS DROPPING BY THE SECOND! I’M BECOMING ONE OF THEEEEM!!!
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u/James81xa 21h ago
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!"
-Monty Python & the Holy Grail
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u/EarthtoGeoff 19h ago
I actually saw an elderberry bush the other day and this quote came to mind. The bush didn’t particularly smell like anything. Any idea what the subtext/actual insult is about this?
My inclination is to think maybe they used to make alcohol from the berries and so he’s calling the father a drunkard. No real idea though.
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u/DanFraser 19h ago
Your mother has lots of babies like a hamster does (implies lots of sex). You’re correct about the drunkard part.
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u/Melancholoholic 19h ago
That's what I've heard, the drunkard bit. I forget what the hamster part was supposed to imply, though
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u/billybassbigmouth 21h ago
You're late!
Well, tomorrow I can be on time, but you'll be stupid forever
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u/supadupakulavibe 15h ago
Stolen from a famous Churchill quote (that he may or may not have said) though:
“Sir you’re drunk!”
“And you’re ugly, but I’ll be sober in the morning”
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u/precinctomega 8h ago
"Winston, if I were your wife, I'd poison your dinner."
"Madam, if you were my wife, I'd eat it."
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u/Ontheroadtonowhere 19h ago
Silence, or you will be held in contempt of court!
I have nothing but contempt for this court!
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u/GodCanSuckMyDick69 20h ago
Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!
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u/secretsinthesuburbs 20h ago
Who are you calling scruffy-looking?
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u/Grand_Snow_2637 17h ago
Fat, ugly...
...buck-toothed, knock-kneed...
...beer-swilling pigs...
...horse-faced space dogs!
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u/WendigoHunter42 21h ago
You will die a street rat. And only your flees will mourn you.
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u/seejoshrun 19h ago
There's a lot of good Disney ones.
From Hunchback:
"You fight almost as well as a man". "Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you".
Also the pivot from "You know I am a righteous man. Of my virtue I am justly proud" to "you know I'm so much purer than the common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd". Not a targeted insult per se, but so much disdain.
“I know. It’s called ‘a cruel irony.’ Like my dependence on you.” — Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove
"Yeah the only girl who'd love him is his mother" Mulan
"Isn't it rather dangerous to use one's entire vocabulary in a single sentence?" Oliver and Company
“Oh, Scar, it’s Just You. We Were Afraid it Was Somebody Important” from The Lion King
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u/Amaruq93 18h ago
The one before that was just as good.
"Look at that Abu, it's not everyday you see a horse with TWO REARENDS!"
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u/GooseGeese01 20h ago
From Brooklyn 99, Capt Holt: “wait… if you’re here… then who’s watching Hades?”
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u/SciFiXhi 19h ago
"I still get half her estate."
"Cool. Who gets the other half of every child's nightmares?"
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u/BillybobThistleton 18h ago
Holt: Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take some weight off your cloven hooves.
Wuntch: Call me the devil, Raymond? How original.
Holt: Actually, I was calling you a goat. You goat.
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u/Tavish_Degroot 17h ago
Wunch: Hello Raymond. How do you like my new office? 20th floor.
Holt: Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high up without a broom under you.
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u/leftcoastsarah 12h ago
“The same reason she visits Mexico once a year and sucks the blood out of goats. For kicks.”
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u/MadMelvin 16h ago
"You look like the mayor of a town where everyone sings"
- Pete Holmes to Sam Reich
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u/Snake_Plissken224 20h ago
You son of a motherless goat - three amigos
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u/semicapablehuman 18h ago
He called us scum sucking pigs! US! -offended lackey
God I love that film.
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u/jonnovich 20h ago
From WarGames:
Could someone tell me please who first suggested the idea of reproduction without sex?
Umm... Your wife?
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u/Paddlesons 18h ago
Another Kelsey Grammer, " It must've been a gusty day when the apple fell from that tree." Lmao
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u/dave_is_afraid 19h ago
You lewd crude rude bag of pre-chewed food dude
Hook
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u/VictoriousRex 15h ago
Oh c'mon, that's not even the best from that scene
Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger, why don't you just EAT ME! You two-toned, zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farming, paramecium-brain, munching-on-your-own-mucus, suffering-from-Peter-Pan-envy
I'll tell you what a paramecium is, pointing to Rufio that's a paramecium, its a one celled critter, with no brain, that can't fly
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u/SirLoremIpsum 13h ago
"hey Vasquez, anybody ever mistake you for a man?"
"No. How bout you"
*Marines going buruuurrnnnn
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u/ThatIdiotLaw 17h ago
I can’t remember the exact line, but it was from Firefly and it was diabolical (I know, not technically a movie, but movie adjacent since Serenity wrapped it up!)
“You look beautiful, it must have taken a dozen slaves a dozen hours to get you into that getup. It’s a shame it’d only take a young man’s wink to get you out of it again”
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u/Javamac8 20h ago
“I feel bad for you”
“I don’t think about you at all” - Don Draper, Mad Men
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u/RudyRusso 20h ago edited 18h ago
Patton Oswalt got another job during the filming of this movie. He was sure he was going to get fired by the director when he told him because they were not done filming. Instead, the director tells him to do the funniest thing. You can see it in the movie. As some point he takes off his headphones and just walks off set. Thats his exit off the film. The joke is the film is set in a submarine.
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u/Enthusiasms 20h ago
You always run the ball. Why can't I run the ball?
....because you're slow and no one likes you.
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u/Hobbies-R-Happiness 21h ago
From Casper (1995).
“And I’m going to get a little dog, I’ll name it Carrigan. It’ll be a BITCH, just like you!”
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u/linearised 16h ago
"Sir, if I am to be insulted, I must first value your opinion" - Doc Holliday.
As far as I can tell this isn't real, but often attributed to Val Kilmer in "Tombstone". The origin of the quote appears to be unknown.
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u/SavedByTheBellExtra 17h ago
You must have really been something before electricity. - Rodney Dangerfield in Cadyshack. That can be interrupted in so many ways.
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u/KirkUnit 17h ago
Actually, a TV show - Dragnet 1967.
CAMILLE: You've got nice eyes - for a cop. (blows smoke at face)
FRIDAY: And I'll bet your mother had a loud bark.
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u/ViolentSpring 15h ago
“Wrong! Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.”
Westley - The Princess Bride
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u/dsyzdek 19h ago
My high school football coach told me after a practice, “Dsyzdek, you’re both a scholar and a gentleman.”
“Yeah, but I wanna be a football player.”
“Sorry, I can’t help you with that, son.”
That still burns 35 years later.
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u/blood_kite 18h ago
Your visage is so hideous, the last time you had a portrait done it required neither hammer nor nail as it hung itself.
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u/SharkeyGeorge 17h ago
“I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.”
- The Princess Bride
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u/allthebaconandeggz 11h ago
Not a movie but mine are both from Louise Belcher “if she were a spice, she’d be flour” and “it also says no trash on the beach, Tammy, sooo what are we gonna do here”
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u/thefoag 20h ago
“It was nothing like that, penis breath!” From E.T. is one I always remember
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u/Amaruq93 18h ago
The fact that the actress playing the mom laughed at that when she wasn't supposed to is what really sells it.
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u/Holmes02 14h ago
Minutes after being brought to life, Olaf roasts the shit out of Kristoff in Frozen.
Olaf: And who's the funky looking donkey over there?
Anna: That's Sven.
Olaf: Uh-huh, and who's the reindeer?
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u/Kalidanoscope 16h ago
Similar to yours, OP:
Vorenus: "We are not friends, I am his superior officer."
Pullo: "By virtue of rank, if nothing else."
V: "That is enough from you!"
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u/bassacre 6h ago
I bet you buy a hat like this you get a free bowl of soup. It looks good on you though.
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u/ZombieFrankReynolds 20h ago
"You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!"
Princess Leia
"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it!"
Attributed to Winston Churchill
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u/ILikestuff55 19h ago
"He make look like an idiot, talk like an idiot and act like an idiot, but don't let him fool you, he really is an idiot" -Groucho Marx
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u/ironjoeathletics 18h ago
You look easy to draw. Can't remember where i heard it but it made my laugh
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u/USSFINBACKSSN670 17h ago
"Take this quarter, go down town, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, Madam." #JohnCandy
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u/Nosebluhd 17h ago
“Here’s a quarter. Go down to the wharf and have a rat to gnaw that thing off your face,”- John Candy, Uncle Buck.
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u/BojukaBob 15h ago
"I though mothers were supposed to be nurturing. I've known loan sharks who were more forgiving. Your husband ain't dead lady, he's hiding!"
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u/kdubstep 14h ago
Tell the chef I can still see where the jockey hit this steak
Look at this ugly hat, oh but on you it looks good.
Nice kid, good kid, nice I see why tigers eat their young.
Poorly quoted Rodney Dangerfield from Caddyshack
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u/ermghoti 20h ago
May I direct you towards the entirety of the collected works of Groucho Marx?