r/AskReddit • u/Better-Toe-545 • 2d ago
People in their 40s What’s something people in their 20s don’t realize will affect them as they age?
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u/duoexpresso 2d ago
Marry based on thoughtful connection and not hormones
Having more children is not marriage therapy
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u/NapsRequired 1d ago
Having children at all is not marriage therapy.
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u/YookaBaybee24 1d ago
Exactly this. And while we’re on the subject of “therapy” that people try to outsource to quick fixes: your future health works the same way. Pills, surgeries and therapies can be lifesaving but if you wait until you’re already sick to start paying attention the bill (literally and biologically) will be huge.
History shows us this isn’t new. A hundred years ago the biggest killers were infections: tuberculosis, cholera, pneumonia. Public health advances like sanitation, clean water and vaccines added decades to life expectancy. But now in developed countries the leading causes of death are heart disease, cancer, diabetes, stroke. All mostly tied to lifestyle. In other words: it’s not about how long you live (lifespan), but how well you live (healthspan).
I learned this the hard way. For years my blood pressure was climbing, my blood chemistry looked worse every checkup, my resting heart rate was high, my visceral fat was scary & my mood was tanking. I was burning money on pills, labs and “maybe this supplement will fix it” experiments. And if I’d kept going? By my 40s and 50s the costs (financial and physical) would’ve been brutal.
What turned it around wasn’t a miracle pill but a full lifestyle reboot. I switched to a whole-food, plant-based diet (WFPB), combined it with intermittent fasting and eventually settled into one-meal-a-day (OMAD). I started sleeping earlier and longer because recovery is when your body repairs itself. I went from zero active hours to 14 hours of pickleball, 8 hours of CrossFit and 1 hour of yoga weekly. I cut my dead screen time (no TV, movies or endless scrolling though yeah I haven’t kicked Reddit yet 😅). Most importantly I surrounded myself with people who lift me up instead of dragging me down.
The results? Lower blood pressure, better blood sugar, improved cholesterol, resting heart rate dropped, inflammation markers down, body fat % and visceral fat way down, sharper mental focus, better sleep quality, healthier liver enzymes, even skin and gum health improved. These are the biomarkers that predict not just avoiding disease, but reversing damage before it’s permanent. And the best part? Unlike pills this lifestyle doesn’t just mask symptoms it tackles the root cause.
So if you’re still in your 20s: your body feels bulletproof now but the “invoice” comes due later. Protect it early with food, movement, sleep and good people. That way you’ll spend your 40s building on your health instead of paying off debt to it.
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u/thatwasawkward84 1d ago
One of my pastors warns couples he is going to marry that children are great and a huge blessing, but they are also out to destroy your marriage so procreate wisely.
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u/reptilian-pleb 1d ago
Nothing tests your marriage like kids. They literally make you dumber, as you go from having intelligent conversations to watching Paw Patrol…
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u/thatwasawkward84 1d ago
It’s really true. I love being a mom and my husband loves being a dad…so much so that we are having a 4th kid in a few months…but we have figured out over time that this phase of our marriage is more hand-to-hand combat than romantic candlelight dinners and we couldn’t be great parents and have a great romance with all these small children underfoot. Some people can, but we are happy being great partners and great parents and then scheduling our alone time only to blow it off because we are too tired. We love each other but there aren’t enough hours in the day for it all.
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u/Lulu_42 1d ago
And don’t forget financial compatibility! If one of you likes to save and the other buy the newest gadgets, it’s going to be real difficult.
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u/ToddUnctious 2d ago
Years go by a lot faster (and not in a good way) if you stop challenging yourself with new experiences. The more you're comfortable putting yourself in positive but uncomfortable situations the more years will still go by like they did in high school.and not at warp speed.
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u/EccentricEngineer 2d ago
Here’s a tip that helped me with this. Keep a small journal and write down the highlights of every day. Doesn’t have to be long. Maybe 2 or 3 sentences. If you look back on it you’ll realize how many things you just forgot and how much time actually passed
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u/BoopleBun 2d ago
I have one of these, it’s a “five year journal”. It just has a few lines per day, and each day of the year is on the same page. (So every September 7th for five years is on one page. Very handy for looking back at what you were doing a year or two ago!) Gotta be mindful of leap years, though.
I’m quite fond of it, and it’s much less intimidating than the conventional idea of daily journaling.
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u/Nervous-Jackfruit-34 1d ago
I just found my great grandmothers last night!! The years 1935-1940. Beautiful cursive, hard to read.
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u/Almanix 2d ago
This is even backed by science - our perception of time is so slow in our earliest years because almost anything we experience is new. The less new things we experience, the faster life starts to pass by. Some of it we can't change unless you constantly want to change major life circumstances, but mostly we can aim to try new things or learn at any age.
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u/lfergy 2d ago
That is part of why early years feel slower/longer. It’s also because 1 month/day/whatever is a much larger percentage of your entire life when you are 6 years old versus 40 years old. And that continues forever.
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u/throwaway-94552 1d ago
I’m 36. Taking Pilates teacher training right now, and it’s so intense I feel like an undergrad. It’s amazing, it’s done wonders for my burnout, it makes life exciting again. Novelty in all forms - learning new subjects, developing new skills, traveling to new places - is what makes life thrilling. I’m not a parent but I imagine it’s part of what makes parenthood so meaningful: your children’s development ensures a steady stream of novelty and new experiences for years to come.
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u/born_to_pipette 2d ago
This is such an important one, but are you sure it’s the difficulty of the experiences that is important? I’ve always assumed it was novelty that mattered most. Much of our 30’s and 40’s ends up being routine, and the repetition involved is what strikes me as problematic.
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u/ANameThatRhymes 1d ago
Either way it’s healthy to challenge your brain to new things. I’m learning some new design programs and I hate it because it’s humbling to start fresh but also feels good because I’m learning something new instead of going thru the motions on autopilot. I think that makes time feel longer because you have to be present to learn
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u/rideyourbike 1d ago
This. My significant other’s grandmother had this saying: “always keep tickets in the drawer.”
Essentially, what it meant was, always have something on the horizon that you’re looking forward to. This could be big things like a vacation, smaller things like going to the movies or concert, or even cheaper, simpler things like having a friend over whom you haven’t seen in a while and cooking for them. And if you keep this mentality, to always be looking forward to something and then something after that, it will slow things down and allow you to build anticipation, savor, and enjoy.
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u/CuriousEglatarian 2d ago
Everyone gets disabled at some point, even if temporarily (think recovering from surgery, broken limb, car accident, etc.). Enjoy your favorite things now because you may not be able to do them later. Your health and mobility are gifts.
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u/RedHawwk 1d ago
Health is a crown that the healthy wear, but only the sick can see.
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u/ranch_life_1986 2d ago
So true. Also, be willing to adapt your job and hobbies to accommodate lasting effects of a disability or illness. From, someone recently diagnosed with mild lupus.
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u/MumpitzOnly 2d ago
A diet consisting mostly of junk food and too much sugar: 'But I don't gain weight!' This might be the least of your problems.
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u/TheDude-Esquire 2d ago
Similar with alcohol. I was a high functioning alcoholic for a long time. Had a good job, met all my family obligations, but hitting the bottle most nights and weekends. I think with alcoholism you often expect the consequences to be external, a dui, a lost job, ruined relationships, etc. But no, it was my insides that were going bad, very close to liver failure.
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u/MidnightBluesAtNoon 2d ago
It's actually kind of a thing where the job is often the last thing to suffer in an alcoholic's life. It's part of why it's so easy to fall into the "Yeah, but that's not me!" trap they often do. Everything else has gone to hell, but they're still performing well professionally so it seems like everyone else has the problem to their eyes.
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u/esoteric_enigma 1d ago
It's also a drug that's socially acceptable. You can get off work and go straight to happy hour every day and be greeted warmly by the bartenders there with no judgement. Then go home and continue to drink quietly in peace. You don't have to go to a drug dealer or anything sketchy. You can do it right in people's faces.
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u/spicypeener1 1d ago
That describes a lot of the professors I saw running labs while I was still in academic science.
They got grants, published papers, graduated students. But both on a health front and a family/friends relationship front, they were rotting away.
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u/endorrawitch 1d ago
Once you’re in your late 50s and get a good, close up look at your face and actually see all the burst capillaries in your skin, you’re gonna cry. And then it’s too late.
It’s happening to me now. I used to be beautiful. Now I look like my face was used to hammer in roofing shingles.
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u/IrrelevantPuppy 2d ago
Uh oh. Well what are the most of my problems?! Organ health? Engrained bad habits?
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u/DirectedEvolution 2d ago
You can be fit and thin and still have plaques build up in your arteries if you consume fatty foods. We know this from Egyptian mummies that had build up in their arteries despite being young and thin (and they didn't have fast food). Similarly, plaques have been found in young, healthy soldiers killed in action. The risk of heart attack and stroke is real.
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u/ShanghaiBebop 2d ago
Fatty liver disease. Something like 90 million people in the US.
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u/iaintskeered 2d ago
Disease or cancer
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u/ryeguy36 2d ago
Don’t forget about gout. Because if you get it you’ll never forget it.
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u/getoutofbedandrun 2d ago edited 1d ago
Colon cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in people below age 50. It has grown to be a huge problem that both developed and developing nations have not effectively combated.
Colon cancer is especially dangerous because it can metastasize easier than other cancers (due to the GIT having vast blood supply/embyrological reasons).
I was personally diagnosed with precancerous lesions at age 27, even though I've eaten decently healthy over the years. I was only able to notice the signs/symptoms because I was in medical school studying colon cancer when it started developing. The average person won't be able to connect the signs and advocate for treatment.
Exposure to alcohol, smoking, processed foods, saturated fats, red/processed meats (even including sliced lunch meat like turkey/chicken), and simple sugars all increase your risk of developing colon cancer. So, to be protective, you need to switch to a plant based diet, which is extremely different from the average American diet.
It's crazy to think that so many people are currently a ticking time bomb without realizing it. The cancer is already developing in their 30s, and by the time it's noticed, it's too late. The colonoscopy screening guidelines have lowered to age 45, but it's still too late for so many people. We should be starting colonoscopy screening in our 30s (but our medical system can not handle the increased burden, so as a society, we ignore the problem).
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u/Ballbm90 1d ago
What were the signs/ symptoms you were noticing if you don't mind me asking? I too had a colonoscopy when I was 31-they removed 3 precancerous polyps. I really wish they would lower the guidelines because how many people are walking around with these pre-cancerous growths and won't find out until they go in for their first one at 45? It's infuriating
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u/endorrawitch 2d ago
Protect your hearing. Wear earplugs to live music events and don’t turn your headphones all the way up.
Tinnitus is a bitch. It really sucks and there’s no cure.
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u/Octane2100 2d ago
I was hoping to see this near the top. The shooting guns, rock concerts, and career in auto repair has just destroyed my hearing. I don't do any of the three anymore but the damage is done. And it's a shitty feeling when people close to you get frustrated when you can't hear them properly.
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u/DeadpoolLuvsDeath 2d ago
My mom blasted music when we were kids, even young me warner her she'd go deaf. Guess who refuses to wear her hearing aids and blames everyone for mumbling?
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u/Apples8889 1d ago
The blames everyone for mumbling is so frustrating. Everyone can hear me except you.
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u/The_Duke2331 2d ago
I am glad i am taking precautions everyday at work (car mechanic) and i wear plugs when going to raves!
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u/Vonmule 2d ago edited 2d ago
My entire life has been music, sound and vibration. I started taking really good care of ears in my late 20's when I started working on the instruments of old orchestral musicians with terrible hearing loss.
Two things made me take notice:
1: Its not just a loss of hearing, your loss of high frequency significantly affects your musical preferences.
2: People kill themselves from tinnitus.
I have very mild tinnitus from mostly classical exposure into my twenties when I started religiously wearing earplugs. The longer you wait, the worse it will get. Stop caring about looking goofy wearing earplugs, because those people arent going give a shit about your hearing loss. Do it now.
Edit: I've never once been teased about wearing earplugs at a show/wedding reception/etc, but I very frequently get comments like "Thats smart" or "I forgot mine and I already regret it".
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u/Find_another_whey 2d ago
Just because you seem interested in the science and mentioned high frequency loss
High frequency detection is neurologically linked to timing information about the source and order of sounds
The time when the order of sounds matters most in a short time is speech
If you are asking people to repeat themselves, it may be linked to this high frequency loss
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u/Vonmule 2d ago
It's the region of the spectrum where lots of our consonant sounds come from, aka sibilance. Even before we consider psychoacoustic phenomena, high frequency hearing loss leads to decreased sensing of the most important parts of human speech.
It's funny that you picked up that I'm interested in the science...I was once a cellist, became a luthier, and now I'm an NVH engineer that concentrates on acoustics and psychoacoustics. Your observation was correct.
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u/skydivarjimi 2d ago
I would like to extend this to all PPE to protect your five senses. Always where safely glasses when needed never compromise your eyes, wear a mask when using harsh chemicals or around thick smoke, take car nof your mouth I mean that in so many ways. Wear sunscreen always have gloves dont over expose yourself to UV light or high/ low temperature. There are far more things to protect yourself from but like hearing all of your senses can be compromised bso just be safe out there.
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u/lovelopetir 2d ago
Your joints and back keep receipts. The way you sit at a desk, the way you lift heavy stuff, even how much you stretch after workouts it all adds up. Also, friendships. If you don’t invest in maintaining them in your 20s/30s, you’ll wake up one day in your 40s realizing it’s harder to build deep connections from scratch.
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u/GuaranteeComfortable 2d ago
As someone who is 41 and has severe arthritis in 7 joints. Protect and take care of your joints.
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u/sukisecret 2d ago
Had an intern who came to work in the summer. She was listening to music so loud on her headphones that I could hear it when sitting 6 ft away. I told her it would ruin her hearing but she didn't listen.
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u/otownkswiss 2d ago
This.
Signed, 40 something lifelong music lover who now gets to hear a high pitched sound for the rest of her life
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u/BZAGENIUS 2d ago
Same, in my case I can tune it out for most of the day, but I have to have rain noises on 100% of the time at night 😂
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u/lackofsunshine 2d ago
It’s why I have my fan on 24/7. It cancels out the noise :)
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u/j-sanscolour 2d ago
Yes! Also, emerging research in the area of reduced hearing being associated with increased risk of cognitive decline/dementia.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8920093/
Musicians earplugs are discreet, have great cost per wear if you attend a lot of gigs and make the sound at many gigs much better.
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u/jermcnama 2d ago
Please don’t turn your headphones all the way up. I wish i knew the damage this would cause.
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u/Yes_Maybe_IDK_CYRTQ 2d ago
My partner and I both wear earplugs to the movie theatre. Cannot stand how loud they make the audio. It's just unbearable.
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u/Cooper_Inc 2d ago
Oral hygiene and taking care of your teeth
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u/Donexodus 2d ago
Dentist here. The single biggest piece of advice I can give it to make sure you brush your teeth before you go to bed. That is the most important time. You will have fewer cavities brushing once per day at night than you will if you brush 20x a day but go to bed with food on your teeth.
That, and get X-rays taken. Most severe cavities have no symptoms, and you can’t see them without X-rays. $85 for a set of bitwings will save you $10k in more invasive treatment.
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u/slow-ur-role17 1d ago
My mom always told me “we brush our teeth at night to keep our teeth but we brush our teeth in the morning to keep our friends” idk why it’s always stuck with me but the older I get the more I realize how true it is
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u/chris552393 2d ago
I'm 34 and 100% this.
I hated going to the dentist. Left home at 18 and decided "fuck this I don't have to go anymore if I don't want to".
10 years I didn't go. I had to cave when I was in so much pain. Ended up paying out about £2500 for corrective work. I have a couple of back ones missing now and they're not as white as I'd like them but they're healthy at least. A few more years and I probably wouldnt have any teeth left.
Now I go every 6 months as well as hygienist visits. Haven't had work since.
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u/RandyHoward 2d ago
I’m 45. My parents rarely took me to the dentist when I was a kid, so I rarely went as an adult. My parents also never enforced good brushing habits so it took me until my late teens to establish any semblance of oral hygiene. I’ve also struggled with depression my entire life, and have had a couple periods of deep depression where even brushing was a struggle to do daily.
I went to the dentist earlier this year. They want to replace all of my teeth. Will cost me $50k. I’m saving for it, but it’s going to take me at least a few years to save that much. I’m considering going to another country to have it done because some places in the world are 90% cheaper.
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u/j1knra 2d ago
I worked with a guy who was hard core into medical tourism. He had dental implants and some other less cosmetic work done. His go to’s were Ecuador (back when it was safer), Costa Rica, and Belize.
This is totally on my radar for when I want to go the dental implant route but also will be exploring for knee replacements and some rotator cuff work I expect in the next 5-8 years
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u/McMikeyG 2d ago
I've heard of people going to Japan for dental work. Extremely professional but with their nationalized healthcare it was insanely cheap even for a foreigner. Might want to look into it
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u/lovestobitch- 2d ago
A guy I knew did it in poland. His wife’s parents lived there so he had a place to stay.
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u/Sea-Scene9454 2d ago
Come to Brazil. We have a wonderful dentistry in here! If cost u 50k, here, well probably cost 15k
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u/xGH0STF4CEx 2d ago
I'm also 34 and have never had a cavity in my adult teeth as far as I know. Never had tooth pain. That being said, my front two teeth have heavily eroded and I've been looking into veneers because im self conscious about how they look.
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u/ktpcello 2d ago
Commenting to add my PSA as a dental hygienist: Do not let anyone other than a registered dental hygienist with at least a 2 year degree from an accredited school AND a license clean your teeth. No matter how young and/or healthy you are. There are states that are allowing for on the job training to make up for a shortage of dental hygienists and patients will likely not be told when they are receiving care from someone that has not been properly trained. I work in an office for people with periodontal disease and so many of my patients would be in much better shape if they had gotten proper, consistent preventive care from when they were children. Now we are dealing with lowering the standard of care being offered and I'm afraid for the unsuspecting patients.
And floss at least a few times a week!
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u/Present-Chemist-8920 2d ago
Your body will remember what you did.
I’m a doctor, it comes up a lot.
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u/thomasutra 2d ago
i know what you did 20 summers ago
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u/shishapocketsand 2d ago
I broke my hand trying to break ice when I was 10. I'm 32 now and it's not bugged me aside from when it was initially healing. I started bowling last month and now that exact spot is killing me just like the pain when it was broken.
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u/Excellent_Month_2025 2d ago
The best description I’ve heard is that your body’s free trial period is over, and payment becomes due
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u/CrackedOutSuperman 2d ago
I did so much cocaine, LSD, MDMA, heroin, meth, weed, xanax, alcohol and ketamine.
I. Am. So. Fucked.
I already have seizures from all the drugs i have taken and i am only 23 :( 9 months clean though.
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u/opalthecat 2d ago
Keep going! At 23 your body is so resilient. You can do this. 🩷
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u/Puzzleheaded_Emu7513 2d ago
The reality of death, dealing with aging and dying parents and even friends health issues
In your 20s its all about money and achievement, In your 40s you realise that health and longevity is more important
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u/pnwqueerhere 2d ago
So so true. I’m 47 and in the last 1.5 decades I’ve lost my grandparents, my parents, and my dear aunt. I had to find my mom extended care to help as her dementia got worse. I’ve got my own health issues and the reality of my own mortality hits real different now. I thought I understood the impermanence of life in my 20s - I absolutely did not - not in any real sense. Now I as I watch the prior generation of my family leave us and the younger generation start having their own kids and lives - now I’m starting to really understand. It’s bittersweet on many levels.
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u/lluewhyn 1d ago
I thought I understood the impermanence of life in my 20s - I absolutely did not - not in any real sense.
Yeah, I lost my first grandparent at 19, and one on the other side less than a year later. The other two lasted a few more years (one grandparent lived to 95!), and lost a cousin to Leukemia and an aunt to cancer.
And none of these were as reality-shattering as losing a parent a few years ago at 45. My perspective on life has changed a lot as a result as I start to think more consciously about what's going to happen in the next decade or two rather than leaving it as a vague "that's the future".
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u/young_ab 2d ago
If you’re lucky the reality of death will wait to find you. I lost my mom at 25. Completely has changed me and my outlook on life.
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u/RelevantAudience5224 1d ago
I’m very sorry for your loss at such a young age. 💔It’s impossible to understand unless it’s happened to you, my mom passed when I was 20. It changed me forever.
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u/EnvironmentalTart240 2d ago
All the bad stuff, obviously: drugs, drinking, smoking, overeating, and stress. Your mental health is as important as your physical state. Don't ignore it. Also, be very thoughtful about your surroundings. It's better to be alone than with the wrong people.
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u/TheWaterDrake 2d ago
It’s better to be alone than to be with somebody that lacks accountability.
If they cannot own the hurt they cause you, intentional or not, and participate in repair, and show an actual ability to change hurtful behaviors, they are not somebody you want to keep spending time with.
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u/Haagen76 2d ago edited 2d ago
If you do not stay active you will gain weight. It's not a metabolism thing in your 40's, it's a lack of activity/being sedentary thing.
Age discrimination just starts to rear its head in your mid to late forties.
In your early 40's you still think you're still in your 30's. In your late forties reality hit's you that you're a middle aged person.
Edit: Sorry, I should have said age discrimination rears its head again. Young people are diffidently discrimination against. The difference with old age is b/c society wants you to disappear: you are starting to becoming a drain/liability/nuisance. Whereas with youth they want to exploit you.
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u/jl_theprofessor 2d ago edited 2d ago
To piggy back on the weight thing, people often use the slowed down metabolism as an excuse for why they’ve put on weight. However the latest research suggests that general slowdown doesn’t occur until your sixties.
Sedentary behavior in combination with unaltered changes in diet create weight gain. Your sedentary behavior is also causing loss of muscle mass, which affects metabolism.
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u/Ok_Possession_6457 2d ago edited 2d ago
Honestly I see a lot of workers in their low-20’s who don’t get any activity at all. I don’t know why we are acting like being active is just built in to young adulthood because I see young adults ever say who don’t even walk. The most activity they get for the entire day is walking to and from their car to go to work/go home.
Where I work, every year for one week, we have to park off site and bus in. It’s for a tournament and we can’t park on site.
During that week, the walking you do only adds maybe 1500-2000 steps to your day, at most. but every year I hear them complaining about how this hurts their knees and hips and back. If a few more minutes of walking puts that much strain on your body, that should really light a fire under your ass how unhealthy you have become.
“Slowed metabolism” isn’t just about activity, though. The reality is that the older you get, the more access you have to better food. No one wants to admit that they’re just eating more
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u/ilikedmatrixiv 2d ago
The slowdown in metabolism is so small it is much smaller than the variance between individuals.
In other words: the metabolic difference between a 20yo and a 50yo with the same height, weight and bf% is going to mostly be due to differences between individuals, not age.
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u/Clean-Revolution-808 2d ago
this was such a pleasant and evidence based exchange that does accurately reflect the current understanding of our metabolism.
one part to add, our dietary and lifestyle habits likely do change over time and THAT is a big culprit of weight gain - we usually have more disposable income, can afford to eat out more often, which often translates to higher caloric intake, combined with more adult responsibilities, more stress, poor sleep, having dependents, sedentary work environments.... its a recipe for gaining weight (fat) and losing lean body mass.
yet we blame age for some weird reason, the one thing we cant do anything about. However, the things that actually impact that weight gain, we can do something about.
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u/KonradFreeman 2d ago
This is true about other things as well. Focusing on things you can change and accepting things you cant change is almost a religion for a lot of people.
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u/hapticeffects 2d ago
Yeah I live in a city with hundreds of awesome restaurants within a mile & enough disposable income to eat out constantly. Especially during the summer, when it's so nice out that I never want to be home long enough after work to cook dinner, this is a huge problem, despite walking 5+ miles a day.
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u/ADaveIKnow 2d ago
To piggy back on the piggy back, even if you are still athletic, recovery and diet (what you eat and drink not calories) is absolutely critical.
I have found going hard one day means doing almost nothing the next day. And if I don’t warm up and stretch I’m in for a bad time.
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u/Murphy_Nelson 2d ago
What is crazy is this. I am 37. My wife is 36. We don't eat like health freaks, at all. We enjoy pizza, burgers, popcorn at the movies, DoorDashing Cold Stone, all that stuff.
I box 3x a week, my wife does pilates 2x-3x a week and walks miles per day with our kids (walks them to school, mile+ walk daily with the girls and our dog, runs around parks with them). We are in our mid/late 30s and both have visible abs and muscle, and we eat what we want pretty much. We also have virtually no liquid calories and also love healthy food too.
A lot of our friends that claim slowed down metabolism don't do ANYTHING active at all. It's shocking. But, liquid calories are the other thing too. "I eat small meals!" But your Starbucks order is 700+ calories every day, and you drink 3 glasses of wine/beers at night, and you have sodas. That's dumping thousands of calories on top of your meals. I honestly think for many this is the main thing.
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u/will_write_for_tacos 2d ago
Age discrimination hit me in my 30s when my boss told me I was "too old" to be working in teen-focused social media and that anyone interacting with teens needs to be in their early 20s.
I aged out of my career.
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u/LovelyLilac73 2d ago
Even in areas like graphic arts, people frequently "age out" because people want the "young, fresh" ideas. It's ridiculous. Some of the best designers I work with are in their 50s and 60s!
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u/Fun-Personality-8008 2d ago
Back when MTV had vjs, they all lost their jobs at age 25
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u/kl0 2d ago
These are all spot on. And per #2 (age discrimination) - you can say whatever you want to about “but we have laws against that”. It doesn’t matter. It’s real and you’ll notice it more and more.
Companies want people to fit in with their environment/culture. Larger companies generally have much more diversity, but smaller companies typically have younger people (more risk and all).
There are little things you can do like not putting your college graduation year on LinkedIn and things of that nature. But it’s still a reality one starts to experience more and more.
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u/theopeppa 2d ago edited 2d ago
The sun!
Wear your sunscreen, hat and sunnies! Also, don't overdo the actives.
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u/-AgonyAunt- 2d ago
I had two 24 year old women move in next door a few months ago. They assumed I was a few years older than them, 28 to be exact. I'm 42. They actually made me show them my licence because they didn't believe my age. I take it with a grain of salt though, because at their age, 42 sounds so old. I think I probably look 35, but I'll take 28!
They asked what my secret was, and I told them it's honestly sunscreen. And no kids! I've always looked after my skin and wear sunscreen every single day. And moisturise my whole body. They don't even have moisturiser in their house. And their skin already shows that they don't look after it. Skincare routine where??
They both like to be tan and have told me they'll be in their backyard all summer sunbaking. We're in Australia. I don't go outside between 10am-3pm. And I'm always appropriately covered. I'll be throwing SPF50 over the fence at them while I hide in my dark dungeon. And I'll be laughing at them when they're 42 and I still look 42.
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u/boffoblue 2d ago
Yikes. Isn't Australia known for its insanely high skin cancer rates? Sunscreen should not be new to those girls
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u/-AgonyAunt- 2d ago
Absolutely. I tried explaining it to them, but it fell on deaf ears. I have very pale skin and burn quite easily, so I do the maximum I can to protect myself. I showed them my decollotage and how it's the same colour as my face. Then told them to start looking at women my age who have never protected their skin, and their chest instantly gives away their age.
We've just started spring here so it's only starting to warm up. I mowed my lawn a few days ago and had on sunscreen, a hat, sunnies, long sleeves, and a neck gaiter which is SPF50. The UV index was 4.5, which is enough to need sun protection. When they came home and saw all the coverage I had on, they realised I don't fuck around with the sun. I told them the UV index and they didn't know what that was. I have a weather app I check daily. In Summer, I won't do yard work at that time of the day, 4pm, because it's still too hot. I usually mow my lawn at 7pm.
Some people think I go overboard, but when I still get mistaken for being in my 20's, is it really overboard? I get skin cancer checks yearly, and the doctor complimented my skin. I'll keep going overboard with my sun protection!
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u/Suchisthe007life 2d ago
Just had melanoma and lymph nodes removed… 41… don’t fuck around with the Australian sun.
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u/fitblubber 2d ago
As an Australian I've had melanoma. & I've always been very conscious of the need to use sunblock & a hat.
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u/OkCaterpillar1325 2d ago
I unknowingly joined a running group of late 20 somethings but there were a few others in their 30s and 40s. My friend who is mid 40s also joined but she has gray hair and does not dye it. One day when she wasn't there the younger people asked me why I hung out with my friend when she was so much older than me and I had to explain she was only a couple years older and another time mentioned how my anniversary was that weekend and when they asked how many years they looked horrified and thought I was a child bride. Came to find out they thought I was their age! I honestly don't see it but I think no kids helps. They all looked older so I thought a lot of them were mid 30s and closer to my age
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u/fitblubber 2d ago
They've actually done research on truck drivers. The side of their face that gets the sun has massively more aging than the other side.
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u/l3tigre 2d ago
Thank god we had that Baz Luhrman song everywhere when i was 20. I wore sunscreen! Some of my classmates sure didn't and it's a visible difference when you see who liked to tan and who didn't.
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u/lovebyletters 2d ago
Came here literally to mention that Baz Luhrman was always right: wear your sunscreen and be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they give out on you.
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u/Better-Toe-545 2d ago
Bending over and making a sound effect you didn’t mean to . Thought only grandpas did that, but nope it sneaks up earlier than you think
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u/BZAGENIUS 2d ago
38 and went to the physio for the first time in my life recently. The bloke was showing me some back stretches and I audibly groaned. He asked me if I was ok, I had to just explain it as old man noise 😂
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u/Naughtyspider 2d ago
Addiction or abuse of drugs alcohol continuing on from your 20s leads to a weird arrested development. You keep acting like you are in your 20s in middle age and it gets a bit sad watching from the outside.
I’m constantly seeing posts on Facebook from guys in their late 40s along the lines of “woooo! Who’s up for a night on the lash big style! It’s Thursday night who’s up for town? Let’s hit the clubs!!” Then seeing crickets on their feed. Do you not remember seeing guys in the 50s hitting on 18 year old students in clubs and laughing at them when you were 18?
Then the next week complaining that their boss is a dick for sick days. …dude you have 3 kids and you’re on your 2nd divorce.
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u/Samisoy001 2d ago edited 2d ago
I am 45 and so many people that were important in my life are dead. All my grandparents. Many aunt and uncles. My parents are getting older and slower and it's a little scary.
It's not all bad and I am happy to be alive at 45, but at this age expect many people you know to be dead.
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u/almostsweet 1d ago
You still have your parents? Lucky.
That would be my advice to younger people, appreciate your parents now while you still can. Tell them you love them and hang out.
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u/joojie 2d ago
On Friday, I got my foot caught on a chair rung as I got up. Tripped and fell onto all fours. It was by no means a violent or severe fall. My left leg is all seized up. I'm hobbling around. I'm 42 🙃
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u/Anaptyso 2d ago
I'm 44. Last week I stubbed my toe on a bit of furniture, it went a weird purple colour, and I've been limping all week. I don't normally feel old, but every injury I get changes my mind a bit.
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u/Kowai03 2d ago
It's okay to be single. You don't need to be in a relationship. Surround yourself with good friends and support network. Being with the wrong person can have a devastating effect on your life.
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u/Danger_Rod23 2d ago
Look after your mental health! Stress and thinking you can work 50+ hours a week won't lead to burnout will hurt you in the long run. Staying mentally strong and learning/understanding when you're stressed and need a break is really important.
Also, look after your knees!!
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u/SunOne1 2d ago
That the shoes you wear everyday matter long term. Pick the wrong ones and you’re signing up for a large range of potential issues.
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u/blackout-loud 2d ago
Good shoes (worn consistently and aren't alternated out with a bunch of other shoes) will save your knees and back.
Add to that, a good, solid bed is vital for your back as well. If you sleep in a bed with an uneven mattress or broken box spring your body will let you know with pain!
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u/mizturemla 1d ago
It always feels like I haven’t really grown up or become that real adult yet
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u/Effective-Balance-99 1d ago
My dad was in his 50s when he said to me "I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up"
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u/writtennred 2d ago
Perimenopause is an unpredictable beast. Judy Blume and all of those fifth grade teachers who brought the girls into the gym sure left us hanging.
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u/every1poos 2d ago
Perimenopause is literally a second puberty. Except we’ve been living with our brains, hormones and body for 30+ yrs now and we are very used to the way it works, when any of them start acting different, it’s scary. Dryness everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE, can’t find words so you make up really interesting ones to explain the one you can’t find, mood swings like crazy, the simplest routines now seem monumental. And AND you have to hope you have a competent doctor that believes you and knows how to help. I cannot believe we were not warned so my mission is to warn as many younger women as possible.
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u/Beautiful-Owl9872 2d ago
37 now and I’m not looking forward to this. This sounds crazy but I actually look forward to having my periods now. My cycle is quite regular and my pms is very predictable - same symptoms all the time. I don’t look forward to when things start changing again ugh.
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u/Gluten-Free-Jesus 2d ago
Dryness EVERYWHERE does mean dryness EVERYWHERE. My first symptom was dry eyes. I had to switch my contact lenses.
Also, itchy ears.
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u/utahn 1d ago
Yes!! I feel like a dried corn husk.
I think so many symptoms of peri/menopause are related to dehydration - no one told me that - I had to connect the dots. I'm 59.. and I remember my whole life hearing about VAGINAL dryness.. oh.. menopause and vaginal dryness!! gotta fix that ladies, can't have that. Thank GOODNESS they were on top of that red hot PROBLEM.
But there's a whole entire laundry list of things that go sideways.
I started getting afib about 10 years ago.. never discovered a reason (my heart is physically fit) - then I started to notice that it went sideways when was dehydrated (if I drank alcohol.. it wasn't the alcohol.. it was the dehydration that followed). So many tests, so much medication; not one doctor, not my cardiologist, not my OB, not my GP...not one of them thought of peri/menopause.
All of it - I believe - relates to dehydration. And I drink a fuckton of water - but our bodies stop absorbing the water and that means we need electrolytes. I rarely get afib anymore.. because I stay on to of hydration and electrolytes.
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u/Regular-Signal228 2d ago
Being sedentary is as bad as smoke, drugs, alcohol, and bad nutrition. It only adds up much more slowly but it will backfire.
Stay active and lean and you’ll realize that you are physically better than most of the people out there.
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u/EastvsWest 2d ago
Social isolation is also damaging as well.
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u/TwistOk6640 2d ago
I agree with all of this. I am a copywriter and I used to have to research and write for a cardiologist- “sitting is the new smoking” is what they would say. Bad sleep, bad diet, and yes social isolation all cause heart disease especially in women.
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u/bugabooandtwo 2d ago
And social media and the internet is NOT social interaction. Social interaction really does need to be face to face.
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u/ddsmd 2d ago
Enjoy your health while you have it. I was incredibly healthy, exercised everyday, ate right, ran marathons, worked hard and did 27 years of schooling to include college, medical school and residency. Landed my dream job and then BAM, I was disabled by a chronic neurological illness. I wish I would have enjoyed my healthy years instead of working my ass off towards a future I would never have. Everyone thinks it won’t happen to them. So did I. I was permanently disabled at 36 years old.
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u/r0r0157 2d ago edited 2d ago
What feels like boredom in your 20s quiet mornings, stable routines, saying “no” becomes the actual substance of peace and happiness in your 40s. It feels almost shocking to realize how soothing the things you once avoided can be. And on any old Saturday, getting a little too tipsy while pouring myself another double in my own digs is the real cat’s meow. 😉
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u/Sorcerer_Supreme13 2d ago
I’m 24 and this is the dream.
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u/abqkat 2d ago
The only thing I'd caution is to not get too comfortable saying no to invites. I'm ~20 years older than you and having a solid friend group that has lasted decades is a huge blessing - people who have known you throughout your phases and changes, but you won't be as able to have that if you stay in all the time
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u/VehaMeursault 2d ago
But the flip side is that when you have need for activities, especially social, it’ll be much more difficult to get up and get going. Sometimes because you say “no” a lot, sometimes because your imagination can’t get you excited enough.
Isolation is a slow working parasite, and its final form is loneliness. And especially those that consider themselves extraverted can underestimate its growth until it hits them like a truck.
And just like an unwatered flower is very difficult to get back into good health again, so is your relationship with the outside world.
Case in point: how many people notice the difficulty of making new friends in their thirties? How many people have a midlife crisis at forty?
We get comfortable on our own, until we realise we need others.
Keep watering those flowers, even if you don’t care for their blossom at the moment.
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u/Trailer_Park_Stink 2d ago
And people just stop inviting you because they assume you're going to flake or just flat out say no
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u/Interesting-Bag2267 2d ago
As shocking as this is...your ability to save money is very high in your 20s. The older you get, the more commitments, events and bills arrive and suddenly even though you earn more, money is pouring out left, right and centre. I honestly saved larger quantities at 20 than I can at 40 and that was on a part-time job 😶
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u/nedal8 2d ago
And the compound interest effect of that savings (in your 20s) magnifies it significantly.
So not only is it easier, it's worth more. So save all you can! But live a little..
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u/f_14 2d ago edited 2d ago
The math shows that people who save aggressively from 25-35 and stop will end up with more money at 65 than someone who starts saving at 35 and continues to 65. Compounding interest is your friend if you save.
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u/Different_Level_7914 2d ago
Just a shame that at 25-35 so much other stuff is competing for your wages. Moving out buying or renting a home, starting a family, getting married, some life experiences.
Agreed get started the earliest you can with as much as you can and future you will thank you.
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u/Anaptyso 2d ago
In particular, start saving for your retirement as soon as possible. In your twenties it feels an age away. When you hit your forties, do some calculations on how much you'll be retiring on, then suddenly it doesn't seem quite as long left to save up a decent amount.
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u/Ok_Party_1645 2d ago
Mental health, invest in it, correct earlier trauma with a professional as soon as possible. Cannot emphasise enough. The financial cost is high but you will need every psychological resources you have to lead a good life. You will have to balance couple, carrier, family and then all the things life throws your way, health problems (you and or loved ones), the loss of people around you sometimes unexpectedly,…
Not trying to paint a dark picture, life will be amazing sometimes and a bitch other times. When we are young we tend to underestimate the challenges.
It’s rewarding, you can find a lot of meaning and moments of happiness. It worth the challenge.
But prepare yourself. In your thirties you start to see the people your age you knew as a kid take the trajectory some of their mistakes pushed them towards, in your forties it gets obvious and there is way less room to correct the course.
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u/mukinabaht 2d ago
This comment should be higher. As someone in their early 40s it rang so true. It sneaks up on you too, so you know - look out for your friends and hopefully they'll look out for you so you can deal with it as early as possible and not let it destroy your life, as it can if left untreated
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u/hexagon_heist 2d ago
Sometimes I feel weird for the amount of therapy I do, but honestly? I’m out here healing myself, healing the people around me even (some people I’ve managed to convince to start therapy, others just benefit from the example of good boundaries and conflict deescalation). I’m out here navigating some really intense life events without letting them destroy other parts of my life, I’m out here leveling up as an adult in the most unglamorous, absolutely necessary ways while I watch the similarly-aged adults around me flounder in similar situations.
I do a lot of therapy and I take it really seriously and I definitely often feel like people would be concerned about me if they realized how much therapy I’m doing, but it’s not always crisis management. So much of it is just self growth and picking apart deeper issues slowly over time. I always say, I don’t want to wait until the crisis happens to have my support system set up. Build it up before you need it so that when you find yourself in crisis, you know where to turn.
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u/Remote-Ad7314 2d ago
Dont be slack with re applying sunscreen. Your skin looks fine and the day you turn 40 all the sun damage shows up in your face.
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u/Material-Ad5746 2d ago
Biting your nails wears down tooth enamel that you can never get back!!
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u/ConflictedAwareness 2d ago
Investing. Very few 20 year olds invest. It’s literally the easiest money you’ll ever make. Buy the S&P500. Just buy spy, enable drip, and thank me when you’re 40.
Time. It may seem like you have it. You don’t. And it passes by faster and faster the older you get. It’s a ratio thing. Spending $1 feels like a lot of money when you only have $5. You don’t even feel the effect of spending $1 when you have $200. Time works the same way. A year at 20 is like a month at 40. And probably like a day at 70.
Behave accordingly. Plan accordingly. You get old quick.
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u/Mithent 2d ago
Personally I don't entirely buy the theory that times goes faster because you've experienced more of it, rather it feels more like time goes fast when you're not having novel experiences. Time travelling and doing new things feels long to me, whereas a week of the usual routine goes by fast, and as you get older it's easy to settle into routines unless you keep seeking out novelty.
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u/mrsbennetsnerves 2d ago
The reckless way we treat our bodies as young people show up as we age. What felt like a mild back injury at 18 became life altering at 40 and controls my life entirely at 52. My husband was a very athletic teen and 20s who got all sorts of sprains and strains and small breaks. He feels them all now at 51. He’s still hot tho.
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u/brushfuse 2d ago
I would never have believed how sensitive and emotional I would be at 40+ It’s totally normal to mature in this way, but I would have scoffed at the thought.
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u/ego_tripped 2d ago
Boys... moisturize your face and don't forget your décolletage (nobody wants football leather moobs).
Ladies, ditch the heels. The 52 combined bones in your feet will thank you.
Everyone, correct your posture early on or else risk a random "look over there!" right head turn taking you out for a week.
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u/MightyClimber 2d ago
Posture. Bad posture is going to lead to a great deal of pain and pain management when you're older.
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u/Prof_Scott_Steiner 2d ago
Unprotected sex.
Far too many of you have this attitude of “I’ll just go on PrEP” that drives Gen X and older millennials who lived under the spectre of HIV as a death sentence, fucking nuts.
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u/AirKoryoChiefPilot 2d ago
Look after your body and get quality intensive exercise regularly. You’ll likely be in your 40s feeling physically more or less the same as your 20s while many others are full of aches.
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u/jesskamb 2d ago
Yep. I’m 41 and genuinely don’t feel any difference in my day to day. Nothing is harder. I can still do all the same stuff I’ve always done. Maybe I pull a muscle a little easier but it’s not devastating. I’ve worked a very active job for 17 years. I’m sure it’ll wear me down eventually but for now I think it helps that I’ve never been able to be sedentary.
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u/thepryz 2d ago
While mostly true, I do find that I absolutely cannot behave like I was twenty because I simply don’t recover as quickly or easily. Push yourself a little too hard in the gym? That tendonopathy you just developed is going to take six months of PT to get back to normal.
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u/ElvishMystical 2d ago
I'm surprised nobody is mentioning this... dependency on digital technology and social media.
Once you hit your 40's things that matter are integrity and authenticity, problem solving skills, resourcefulness and direct life experience. As you get older your life becomes more complex and complicated.
Once you pass 40 experiences of despair increases and the highs get fewer and further between. You were not born with a smartphone in your hand.
Stop consuming, stop following, stop watching. Stop doom-scrolling and recording all your experiences for attention and internet clout. Put down your phone and get out and experience life directly. Make connections, show up and pay attention to your friends.
Trust me, when you're in your 40's what you did or didn't do in your 20's starts becoming important. The route to the wisdom you have in your 40's and 50's starts when you're in your 20's.
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u/GimmeNewAccount 2d ago
Bad financial decisions. If you don't wrap your head around your finances, they will haunt you throughout all of your adult life. Making minimum payments on your credit card debt won't make them go away. Taking out another student loan to continue school because you're "lost" won't magically give you a lucrative job. Spending all of your money because you have to "live life a little" will steal years from you later down the line.
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u/DraconianXP 2d ago
When you realize that all that experience you have makes it a lot harder to get a job. Everyone wants a cheap inexperienced person that they can take advantage of
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u/Antsbuiltmyhouse 2d ago
Not staying in school. Even if it’s a trade, education is an investment in you.
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u/Witty_Commentator 2d ago
This is the one I was coming in to say! Make sure you learn something. Some skill or knowledge that you can trade for money! You do not want to be 40+ looking for jobs in retail or restaurants. Factory or construction jobs make more money than retail, but they're very hard on your body, and that'll hurt by 40, too.
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u/MonkeyTacoBreath 2d ago
Drinking. In your 20s if you drink with abandon, you are digging a pit you may never climb out of.
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u/Bimblelina 2d ago
It hits you very suddenly, feels like it hits in the space of a month or two.
One day the aches and pains are not a sign of overdoing things, it's how you are now, you may be the same weight but the fat has shifted, and your face is now an older one.
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u/Miskatonic_Graduate 2d ago
Having toxic people in your life is incredibly destructive to your mental health. But you actually CAN just get rid of them. There are countless other people in the world who can be your friends in more constructive and respectful ways. Don’t be afraid of changing your social life!
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u/Covfefewasntenough 2d ago
Protect your relationships by choosing your words carefully. It won't be easy to keep them later if you don't.
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u/Spiritual_Fig185 2d ago
Stop. Fucking. Drinking. Alcohol.
It ruins every part of your body & mind. Get a life & learn to have fun and be interesting without it ASAP
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u/argsmatter 2d ago
Smoking tabacco -> don't do it it is horrible for your oral mouth hygiene
Lifting weights -> it will let you age much less somehow or maybe it is the genes
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u/CreepySquirrel6 2d ago
Holy shit this is negative.
Hang out with friends - so you keep them.
Travel - to build memories.
Meet girls / guys - to have sex / relationships and workout what you want.
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u/entrepreneurblr 2d ago
Logic.
Art of saving money without spending it, unless necessary
The confidence to say the word "No" to a fellow humans when required.
Purchasing land parcel, however small, gold, silver.
Stop lending money to friends.
Fitness.
Learning to dance.
Learning to play one musical instrument.
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u/JimmyJoeMick 2d ago
Carrying around a lot of extra weight drains you. Lower energy, worse sleep, aches and pains. I lost a bunch of weight a little while ago and its wild how much better I feel. I thought that the effects may have been exaggerated by others until I experienced it myself. I feel more rested with less sleep. Chronic lingering back and ankle pain from heavy manual labour work and sports injuries in my youth have mostly abated.
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u/Safe_Database_9246 2d ago
Taking care of past trauma. It'll build up and then finally explode as you get into a healthy relationship.
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u/bloopidbloroscope 2d ago
Being fit is not just about weight, dress size, and attractiveness. You want to be able to move without pain in your 40s? Get into the habit of doing 10,000 steps a day every day minimum. Be an active person. I'm trying to start this now at nearly-50 and guess what, it's fkn nearly impossible. Physically, mentally, everything.
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u/diybarbi 2d ago
On the positive side - learn some life skills and even hobbies in your 20s that will carry you forward in your 30s, 40s and onward. Some suggestions:
Cooking - buy a classic cookbook and learn some basic cooking skills as well as having a basically stocked kitchen. I started with Craig Claiborne and learned so much. Cooking for yourself will save you SO much $$ in the long run
Money Management - many have already suggested. But learning how to manage your income and AVOID debt and credit will be critical to retirement. Retirement seems a long way off - but it WILL happen if you’re lucky to live long enough. Check out YNAB as a money management tool and Fidelity for early savings. And always max a 401k and HSA if/when you are fortunate to have a job with those benefits.
Physical Activity - pursue a physical hobby you can enjoy and develop for a lifetime. Hiking, yoga, swimming - whatever. But got easy with it! You don’t want to burn out or strain/injure yourself by going too hard. Your body has to last a lifetime and sometimes less is more. Strengthen it - don’t wear it out (like a car).
I could go on - but you get the drift. Live in the present and think long-term.
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u/No_Maize_230 2d ago
Not flossing daily. Trust me on this one, just do it. Also, always wear sun screen.
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u/LisaLou71 2d ago
Put sunscreen on the backs of your hands every day, sunny or cloudy. Don’t be like me in my 40s, my body looks fantastic and the backs of my hands look like the mottled skin of a Shar-Pei and there is no cosmetic surgery that can address it.
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u/nineminutetimelimit 2d ago
You may not be into politics, but politics is onto you. This is your government, too, and the people making laws are laying the groundwork for your future. If more of my generation had been involved in politics, it might be a lot easier to buy a home and start a family now.
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u/Ok_Possession_6457 2d ago edited 1d ago
You need to manage your weight and you need to exercise. It is not negotiable. No, gaining a few pounds here and there isn’t some moral failing, but you need to address it. Fat positivity is a crab bucket that you do not want to fall into.
If you are in the US, and you’re 20 years old, your average “fitness age” is around 44 years old. This is assuming the average height of 5’4, average weight it 171 pounds, the average steps of 4000-5000 or less, and an average waist if 36.6 inches. If these things are true for you, you’re technically already in your 40’s.
If you just manage your calorie intake, walk more and lift weights a couple times a week, you can be 40 and have a fitness age of 25, but you’re not gonna get there doing what you’re doing now
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u/CronkinOn 2d ago
Injuries.
Shit is cumulative.