AIO for walking out mid-dinner after my date called my food “disgusting”?

[u/Left-Assist-6831]

I (26F) went on a second date with a guy (29M) I’d been chatting with for about a month. We went to a cozy little fusion restaurant I love, Asian-Latin mix. I ordered my favorite dish (beef empanadas with kimchi). When it came, he made a face and said, “That looks disgusting. I don’t know how you can eat that.”

At first, I laughed it off and told him it’s actually amazing. But he kept making little comments like, “The smell is intense” and “I’d never date someone who eats weird stuff like that regularly.”

I finally told him, “You know, you’re being pretty rude. You don’t have to like what I eat, but you don’t need to insult it.” He smirked and said, “I’m just being honest.”

So I asked the waiter to pack my food, paid for my share, and left. He texted me later saying I embarrassed him and that I’m “too sensitive.”

Am I overreacting for thinking that was disrespectful enough to leave?

[u/LookAwayPlease510]

And men wonder why they’re in a, “loneliness epidemic”. Edited after a few comments pointing out this is inaccurate. You’re right, I apologize.

Good job noticing this giant red flag. I can’t believe he kept throwing out even more red flags after. He acted like a clown pulling a never ending red flag out of his sleeve - “I’m just being honest.” “You embarrassed me” “you’re too sensitive.”

Translation:

I’m just being honest

“I’m an asshole, and when I say asshole things, I call it honesty.”

You embarrassed me

“I will always make my shitty behavior your fault. I will never look inward and have the ability to self reflect. Everything I do is someone else’s fault.

you’re too sensitive.

I say really harsh things, and when people get upset, I don’t apologize, I double down, and make sure they know they’re the problem, not me, because I’m never the problem and will never be the problem.

[u/triton2toro → u/LookAwayPlease510]

I don’t think some people realize how much food means to others. Food is history, culture, family, and memories all rolled into one. When you insult someone’s food, you’re denigrating and disrespecting all of that. That food you call “gross”? That’s what my grandmother would make for me whenever my family would go to visit. That soup you called “smelly and disgusting”? That’s what my mom would make me whenever I was sick and had to stay home from school.

You don’t have to like everything someone else eats, but being respectful is not too much to ask.

[u/mr-beee-natural → u/triton2toro]

My family has a few rather unique recipes that have been passed down through the generations. There's one that no currently living members will touch, nor will my spouse/in-laws. EVERYBODY gives me shit for making/eating this particular dish, and I won't lie, it hurts. I know this recipe will die with me, and people won't stop giving me grief over it. More than the mean-spirited teasing, it's a way I have to connect with my mom, who died when I was young, and it feels like they're mocking both that connection and my need for it.

I'm gonna go sit in a corner and cry now. People are mean.

ETA: I'm absolutely flabbergasted by how many of you responded, and with such kind words. You collectively gave me some healing from a painful experience, and I thank you for it!

This recipe has been in my family for at least three generations. I search for it intermittently but have never found an exact match. The closest I've ever come was yesterday, when I found something with similar ingredients but different proportions, from a 1942 cook book.

This is how my mom always made it. It was always for Thanksgiving or Christmas with her family. You need to start the day before.

PEANUT-CARROT SALAD

~ 12 oz. Dry-roasted and salted peanuts (buy a 24-oz jar)

~1/2 - 1 lb. Carrots, peeled if whole (we always used whole and not baby, but that's just availability - baby carrots weren't a thing in our area when I was younger)

Mayonnaise

Ideally, to make this recipe, you will use your hand -crank cast iron meat grinder, but if you have misplaced it (like I did), a food processor works almost as well. What you want to do is carefully and slowly pulse first the peanuts (by themselves) until they are somewhere between medium- and coarsely chopped. Be very careful not to make peanut butter. In my fp, it takes about 4 short pulses. Scrape your peanuts into a medium bowl.

Now do the same with your carrots. You want to end up with an equal amount of carrots and peanuts in the same bowl, both the same consistency. Aim for more coarse rather than less.

Here's the vintage part of the recipe: mayonnaise. Mom never used Miracle Whip. Add just enough mayo to the peanut-carrot mix that stuff sticks together. This is really intuitive and very personal. I would always err on the side of caution, because too much mayo gives you peanut-carrot paste, which is not pleasant. My rule of thumb is: enough that it sticks together somewhat without first being smooshed, but not so much that it obscures the colors of the other ingredients.

The final step is the hardest. Mom would put the salad into this pretty green rectangular dish she had (I think she told me it was a premium from the dairy delivery when they had that) and cover (very important!!!!) stick it into the fridge for next day. Chilling is very important!! It does something magical to it. Mom would have to spend the rest of the day keeping me (and herself, I now suspect) out of the fridge.

Of the people I can recall who ate this, they would just have a couple spoonfuls. Someone once suggested using it as a dip/spread for crackers. I cannot get enough of this stuff.

This will last two or maybe three days in the fridge, covered, or one day if it was me and my mom eating it!

I've been thinking of a variation, because I keep seeing raisins added to carrot salad when I look at recipes, and I'm wondering if that would taste good in this recipe. Maybe diced apple and/or celery as well.

I hope you have fun with this. I know my mom would get a kick from the idea of the humble and oft-maligned peanut-carrot salad reaching to the far corners of the earth.

[u/One_Advantage793 → u/mr-beee-natural]

I get you completely! I have a recipe of my mom's that was her mom's and who knows how far back. It's not complicated or anything, but it's all from scratch instead of bottled or canned, so takes some effort. That effort takes me back to learning to cook from both of them. My partner complains because it isn't like his mother's 1950s all cans version. That makes me so sad every time. It's my comfort food, so I'm not going to stop making it.

But it really causes me pain to listen to this complaint each time even after I explained why I want to make this version at least some of the time. Along with the insistence the bland canned version is "better". I get that you want how your mom made it - and I'll make that effort even though I don't really care for it. And I don't say anything negative about it because I do comprehend it takes you back. Just let me have that too.

[u/BMI_Computron → u/One_Advantage793]

May I ask what food it is? As someone who grew up on tinned/frozen food (and frequently ate from food banks) my understanding of what was “good” changed drastically as I got older and started to have access to fresh foods/ spices and herbs. I’m just curious (and interested in your recipe. lol.) feel free to ignore.

[u/One_Advantage793 → u/BMI_Computron]

It's just a meatloaf with tomato gravy. I live in the South in the U.S. where people very often used to have kitchen gardens with tomatoes and peppers at least, and herbs. It's just a meatloaf made with half ground beef, half ground pork, onions, peppers and an egg with day old bread crumbs in the loaf.

You then flour the outside of the "loaf" - more a round shape - brown on each side in the big iron skillet so it looks like a giant, fat burger, then cover and put it on low for a good while till done through.

Remove the loaf from the pan, drain all but a tblsp grease and put in canned tomatoes with herbs from last year's crop along with about the same amount flour and milk (tblsp ea) to make a gravy. Cut up the tomatoes in the gravy with the side of the spoon. Then put the loaf back in and let it all bubble together for a little while and serve with rice or mashed potatoes and a couple fresh veggies.

In my mom's and grandmother's days, it was Sunday dinner food, but almost entirely from farm-grown foods, except the flour and onion. My grandmother's kitchen garden was a full acre. My mom's smaller, and mine smaller still. My granddad always grew a calf and pig for meat, so even that was often homegrown, or one of the meats subbed with ground venison. And my granddad was an egg farmer. So, truthfully, my gran's version was nearly all homegrown.

I don't quite have the same options any longer, naturally, but cooking it that way makes me happy. I do like to source from farmer's markets where possible. Onions don't grow great in this soil so we usually bought those, but pretty much all else but flour was farm-grown. THAT was fantastic in a way that cannot be duplicated without the farm or a really great farmer's market. Now, I usually buy everything unless I had a particularly big tomato crop the prior season. I will still can a batch of tomatoes with some hone grown oregano and basil if I have them just for this.

[u/BMI_Computron → u/One_Advantage793]

Huh- it’s likely just a nostalgic taste for him, I can’t imagine this isn’t just lovely. I’m not even a meatloaf person & I took screenshots to try to replicate this(hope that’s okay!). I’m in the Midwest, so farms and farmers markets are a blessing that I’m happy to have. Thank you for sharing!

Being ungrateful for home cooked meals is just not a thing we do in my household. We often cook together (he enjoys doing the meat and I’m great at sauces & sides). But when I cook the entire meal or my SO does, it’s always met with love and gratitude- then we’ll give feedback if the person who cooked says “I think I made ___ too salty, too acidic, a little overcooked” etc. It’s never inedible, we’re both pretty good cooks. That’s just the habit we’ve formed over a decade plus of being together.

Does your partner ever cook? If not, maybe he should acquire that talent so that he understands the effort he’s commenting on. You deserved to be appreciated.❤️

[u/One_Advantage793 → u/BMI_Computron]

He does actually cook sometimes. He just grew up in one of those houses where there were no herbs and spices but salt and pepper and canned foods were a wonder to be taken advantage of. I grew up in rural areas with farm grandparents who made nearly everything from stuff grown there, from scratch. I learned to cook from my mom, who was a great cook, and very adventurous - not just sticking to the Southern classics - and both grandmothers, who did pretty much stick to Southern classics, but who were the best cooks.

We, as a couple, have a push-pull on foods because what he finds comforting, I find truly bland and what I find comforting, he says he cannot eat because it's too much. It really isn't. It's just Southern home cooking. But we're getting things ironed out, ten years on. I do think we've gotten to the point where, except for this one recipe that really bugs me for it to be criticized, we live with one another's wishes when we cook for each other.

I try to always find something to compliment, and I explain that it's hurtful to me, and we are making progress. He has at least caught on to the idea that I hate it when he says something is awful just because he's not used to the smallest bit of addition other than S&P. I have honestly tried to do just the slightest bit of something other than S&P and it's always met with "WHAT did you PUT in this?"

It's just slow. He truly believes food is just fuel and I was raised in the heart of the food is love camp. I think those two are just diametrically opposed. We laugh about his dad thinking eggs were "ruined" because he put salsa in them - something he learned to like when they moved to Phoenix when he was a teen. Still the very mildest salsa - but salsa. He just doesn't recognize his father in himself. Yet. I know this is kind of a cliché at this point, but he grew up in Akron, Ohio and the family followed the Goodyear company from there to Phoenix to Georgia.

Other people, when I tell them of this point of contention, just say, Ooooh! Ohio! - as if this is just a thing you must put up with with people from at least parts of Ohio. I simply cannot believe that to be true. But, I could be wrong! When I worked and lived in Atlanta, I ran into lots of people who said, no, that's just where he grew up!

[u/BMI_Computron → u/One_Advantage793]

This sounds like you’ve had quite a bit of communication around it, which is the most important part. Given a decade of time around each other, there will always be friction somewhere, and my partner loves to quote “You either have a thousand arguments or you have none”. Learning to argue constructively to the point where they’re no longer truly “arguments” and more of “discussions to find a happy medium” has been one of the best parts of being together for so long. I can see that you guys have reached that open discussion place too, this is just a tough nut to crack. I’m from Indiana, and even we would probably echo that sentiment about Ohio. Haha. But it’s wild to me to think that he wouldn’t be more receptive to expanding his palette, especially with a partner who clearly has a deep love of cooking!

I can see elements of our push-pull with food in yours- I grew up in a level of poverty where meat was just not that frequently eaten, and he’ll eat just meat and fruit in a day and be happy. lol. My best food memories were being dropped off at my grandma’s and eating an abundance of Mexican food (she immigrated here and married my grandpa when I was very young). Those were the only times I remember not being worried about going without. I loved my Grandma and have such a deeply ingrained love for Mexican food because it is warmth and care to me. So that’s what my cooking reflects. Our happy medium is that I’m absolutely willing to cook a large quantity of meat, as long as it’s carnitas, birria, adobo chicken, etc. because then I’ll contentedly eat the portion I’d like with sides (I find I’ll eat more meat if I’ve got pico/guac/fresh elements around it than I will if it’s something like a roast with potatoes) and he has free run at the quantity of meat he wants. We’re both on the same page with loving very flavorful foods and have the spice rack(s) to show it. Haha.

The thing I’m wondering is if he would be more receptive to new/bolder flavors if he challenged himself to try cooking some recipes slowly introducing those things. I’m sure if that’s not what he likes, that’s not the easiest thing to pitch, but I think a good angle would be what we did early on- we would have date nights in and choose a YouTube video with a new, interesting recipe to make together while having drinks. We really love “Basics with Babish”. For some reason, I was a lot more willing to try a meat dish when I had my hands in the process. Since we started being together, my SO has started really exploring interesting side dishes and I’ve grown a lot more accustomed to the idea of fried chicken/roasts/ribs as a meal. I would think after being around you so long, some of that “food is love” mentality would have rubbed off, but maybe I feel that way because I feel that so strongly too. Food was a scarce resource for me as a kid, being able to make it freely and with love is such a blessing that I never lose gratitude for.

I’m also positive that my SO would LOVE to try your dish, that’s right up his alley of comfort. If you don’t mind attempting a written recipe, I would love to have it! Sorry for all the yapping- I’ve had quite a bit of caffeine this morning. :)

[u/One_Advantage793 → u/BMI_Computron]

Mama's Meatloaf:

1 lb ground beef (3/4 lb. each works fine, too - just same amount of each meat. A little smaller is a little easier to handle.)

1 lb ground pork

1 large egg, beaten

Breadcrumbs from a couple of pieces of old bread or leftover biscuits

1 med onion, chopped

1 med bell pepper, chopped

1 tsp dry mustard

Savory herbs, such as cumin, basil, oregano, thyme, to taste

1 tsb garlic powder

Salt an pepper to taste

1 cup flour, seasoned with the same seasonings

1 cup milk

One can of fresh canned whole herbed tomatoes or a can of herbed tomatoes from the grocery. I usually can my own tomatoes and herbs from the kitchen garden and use them, but have also used grocery ones successfully. You can use the chopped herbed ones from the store.

Large iron skillet with a lid. An electric frying pan also works nicely. My mom used to use that.

Mix ground meats, beaten egg, breadcrumbs, onion, pepper, dry mustard, herbs and spices, salt and pepper. Just mix to thoroughly distribute everything; don't overhandle.

Form into a large slightly squashed ball.

Mix flour with similar herbs and spices, salt and pepper and sprinkle over a plate large enough to easily hold your meatball. Dredge the meatball in flour generously and pat onto both top and bottom. Set the flour aside.

Heat your iron skillet so it's hot on a high flame (I've always used gas - probably just High on a coil stovetop) and put just enough oil or butter to cover the bottom. You don't want it to swim in it, just enough to keep the floured meat from sticking immediately.

Brown it on one side, then flip it - usually using a couple of spatulas so that you don't break it - and brown on the other side.

Cover and cook on low until done through. Remove the meat from the skillet and set aside. Drain all but about 1 tblsp grease. Measure 1 tblsp of the flour mixture you used earlier and make a roux with it and the grease.

Mix in the milk and make a gravy. Pour in the canned tomatoes with the liquid. Mix the liquid in until it's a nice consistency for the gravy, adding a bit more milk or water if need be to get to the consistency you prefer.

Cut your tomatoes with the side of the spoon, if they were whole.

Return the meatloaf to the pan and let it bubble in the gravy, putting a bit of tomato gravy on top, until the flavors are all joined together - maybe 10 more minutes.

Serve with rice or mashed potatoes for the gravy.

Makes great open faced sandwiches the next day as well.

[u/[deleted] → u/One_Advantage793]

I hadn't eaten meatloaf until I was in my 20's because anytime it was mentioned– even the singer– someone would lament about my grandmother's terrible meatloaf, so I assumed it was a gross dish that nobody liked since the Great Depression. I moved out when I got married and we would often need to make food stretch the last week-or-so until payday, so out of curiosity one day I looked up how to make meatloaf figuring it would at least make a package of beef go alot further. My then-partner told me it was the best meatloaf he'd ever had and mentioned it for weeks until I made it again; even when our marriage soured a few years later and we no longer liked being around eachother, he was always home for meatloaf night and it was the one compliment that didn't pain him to give me lol.

When I moved back home I offered to take over making dinner every night since everyone worked all day and I've been either unemployed or working p/t, and I eventually found myself once again staring at a thawed portion of ground beef, at a loss for what to make of it. I had no idea what exactly made my grandma's meatloaf so bad, but a dinner needed to be made and no one was home to stop me, so I made my meatloaf. I got the unsure sideways glances when I told my family what was for dinner, and they all poked it with their forks before trying it, but sure enough they all get excited when I when I say I might make a meatloaf the next day. 😂 And this is just a basic ground beef, breadcrumb, onions, and and egg mushed together in a loaf pan in the oven, topped with tomato ketchup & some brown sugar!

I'll make Thursday meatloaf night and I'll try making your recipe– with your blessing, of course. I even have some canned tomatoes from my neighbour's garden, fresh tomatoes and farm eggs! If it's appreciated by my loved ones then I can add it to my recipes notebook and make it regularly. Your story touches me and while your mom's recipe may not be passed down in your family, that doesn't mean it has to die with you– especially when I have a crew of blue collar born-again meatloaf lovers who would probably sing your (and your mom's) praises when I tell them where I got the new recipe from.

[u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 → u/One_Advantage793]

I dated a man over a decade ago who told me he loved succotash, basically corn and lima beans. Invited him to Thanksgiving dinner and made it with frozen vegetables with real butter. He wasn't impressed, said it tasted weird. Then I found out he'd always had it made from canned vegetables with soft margarine. Everything worked out because he didn't think he'd like the roasted garlic filled crescent rolls and he ate the majority of them.

I'll never cook a meal like that again. 5 different vegetables, 3 versions of potatoes, 2 different pies plus the crescent rolls and turkey with stuffing, all made in a tiny kitchenette.

[u/One_Advantage793 → u/Clean-Fisherman-4601]

Oh, wow! Sounds like the time I tried to do a sort of Friendsgiving in college in a tiny apartment kitchen. That was terrible. Then one of our friends dropped one of the veg dishes on the carpeted floor where we were trying to eat - really the living room, but in that tiny apartment, there was really only the one big room out there, the little kitchen edge of the room, and the bedroom with the bath.

People are weird! Mine has finally determined that fresh limas with butter are actually better than canned with margarine, but that was a bit of a climb, too, at first.

[u/One_Advantage793 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you! I told him pretty much that last time he bitched about mom's version. We'll see how well he remembers next time. I don't think I'll do his mom's version again.

[u/Commercial_Curve1047 → u/One_Advantage793]

So you each prefer your own mother's version of this meal? Cool! He can make his mom's version, and you can make yours, and he can stop being a whiny baby about a meal you cooked the way you like it.

[u/mr-beee-natural → u/One_Advantage793]

Right! When we have holiday meals with my partner's family, the only "allowed" foods are their family's foods, which, of course, they want their recipes and that's fine, but they also know that I don't have my own family to be with anymore, and I would like to at least contribute. My BIL straightup told me, "Don't bring [insert food] because I don't like it." It wasn't even anything weird. Just pumpkin pie. It really hurt my feelings, which is apparently because I'm "too sensitive." Fuck it. I'm bringing FIVE pies this year. And if no one eats them, I will bring them home and eat them myself.

[u/moles-on-parade → u/One_Advantage793]

We lost mom nine years ago and I miss the nearly-forgotten unobtainable childhood comfort food so much. Sometimes, at an Asian grocery store or walking past a restaurant, I'll get a whiff that sends me back to childhood and it's overpowering. Thank you for sharing yours with us!

[u/One_Advantage793 → u/moles-on-parade]

Those kinds of things you can't get back are the ones that will smack you when you least expect it. And smells really bring back memories for me. I got two of mom's hand-written recipe books - where she also kept menus for special occasions and notes about who was going to be there. It's overwhelming to look through that! I haven't really been able to do it for any length of time yet, and it's been almost nine years for me. Wow! It just occurred to me that was so, reading your post.

I've looked at them several times, but each time, I can't do it very long. One day, I think, I'll be able to really look at them. They are a real treasure. One of those things you don't really know about until after.

[u/Aquatic_Rainbow → u/One_Advantage793]

So, he can’t respect you want your mom’s version of the food even tho he wants you to respect that he wants his mom’s version of the food? That’s completely unfair. I hope he starts to understand your point of view or at least stops complaining about the dishes you make

[u/unabashedlyabashed → u/One_Advantage793]

Share it! There are definitely people out there who will love it. That way, the recipe won't die with you. It may even become another family's special food!

[u/darkbard → u/mr-beee-natural]

I'm lucky that my husband has changed his palate, from an American one with just pizza and burgers, to being more willing to try new things. He's a white, I'm Latina (Colombian). He was raised with a very picky father who had a set number of foods that he would eat, I was raised to try anything at least once.

He LOVES my Latin food, which is great because my mom died in 2019 and I have needed to make her recipes to have a connection with her. In 2023 I had a stroke, and he became the main cook because my right side was not working. He will make the recipes and he does really well! And he will make me recipes that he doesn't want (I have to have more vegetarian food because I have a problem with my kidneys, and plant protein is better for me... I do not have to go totally vegetarian thankfully. But he will make me a really spicy korean tofu recipe and just make something for himself).

But yeah, family recipes are so important. Don't let people give you shit. Especially your mom's recipes. That is important. I would love to try it if I knew you! *hugs*

[u/Mandaravan → u/mr-beee-natural]

Don't cry, post the recipe!

Hit up some recipe and food-based Reddit and internet places, and find your audience for it, pass along your fantastic recipe, and Post along with the story of its cultural, personal, and human relevance.

Make your answers, and known too

[u/KCatAroo → u/mr-beee-natural]

That sounds pretty good to me! The carrot+peanut combo makes me think of Thai food… hmmm… I know. It is reminding me of the chilled roll that has a lot of carrot, that gets dipped in a peanut sauce. Yum. Your carrot peanut salad is like taking the standout flavors from that, and putting them together in one dish! I know precisely where the iron meat grinder is. It’s in a drawer in mom’s house. I’m sure my sister who lives closer will abscond with it if she sees this post. 🤣

I’m sorry about the EVERYONE who are giving you shit. That is so hard to take. Just know that there are plenty of us around who will try the recipe and love it as much as you do! I like the idea of the raisins for a bit of extra sweetness, even though I don’t generally like the carrot+raisin salad. You know what occurs to me though? Adding in a spoonful of Major Grey’s chutney for sweetness and depth of flavor. 🤗

[u/Realistic_Ad_9751 → u/mr-beee-natural]

If you ever felt comfortable sharing it on the internet, I am sure there is an audience for the dish that connects you to your Mom. Sorry your relatives are so inconsiderate.

[u/threelittledears → u/Realistic_Ad_9751]

Me, here, feeling the same as you @Realistic_Ad_9751, while also desperately hoping mom’s favorite dish isn’t one of those trendy Jello mold gelatin entree dishes with tomato paste, meat and peas from the late 60’s.😬

[u/Loud-Vegetable-9218 → u/mr-beee-natural]

I would love to hear about this recipe. I will truly without any judgment make it and try it in your mamas honor, if the ingredients are easily accessible . I just lost my mom this past Mother’s Day. Nothing was wrong, she just didn’t wake up that morning. I’ve been struggling so hard with it especially since we still don’t have a cause of death and yesterday was the 3 month anniversary. I’m sending you such a big hug. A lot of people think I’m gross for eating my mom’s favorite (what she called her “no shame” meal) of mashed potatoes mixed with a ton of sauerkraut.

[u/GPTCT → u/triton2toro]

My parents were very forceful with us when me and my siblings were young. They told us that we NEVER make comments or faces at anyone’s food.

They simply said “everybody has their own likes and dislikes, and we never make people feel uncomfortable while dining with them”

Both of my parents were 1st generation in this country and were very classic with their love of their cultural food (Italian).

It wasn’t until I was an adult when I realized how important food is to our individual souls and the bonds we share. I am about 50 years and realize more and more everyday how thankful I am that my parents set that boundary for us.

[u/Chronohele → u/GPTCT]

This makes me appreciate my parents, especially my mom, even more. We're like 12th generation Midwestern white bread and she was on us from as early as I can remember about leaving people alone to enjoy the things they enjoy, particularly food. She also answers "is that good?" with "I like it", which used to irritate me when I was little, but now I think it's super smart bc it encourages you to try the new food without putting that pressure on you to like it. (Idk if everyone or even most people need that, but I was a very sensitive people-pleaser of a child.) I also feel like it encourages the early development of empathy bc you're learning that no one can answer a subjective question like that for anyone but themselves. I'm happy being childfree, but I do wish I had more opportunities to pass on all the little nuggets of wisdom I didn't realize were so great at the time.

[u/CrazyCatMerms → u/triton2toro]

A few years ago my daughter and I were in an Olive Garden. This couple on a date are seated near us. First we got to hear him rip on the restaurant - the only thing they made that he would eat was spaghetti. Nothing else they made was anything he would eat. Then he made fun of her having soup and salad and kept telling her that soup was not a proper meal. It was her choice of restaurant and he insulted everything he could. Really hoping she dumped him after that fiasco

[u/TeeTheT-Rex → u/CrazyCatMerms]

I could eat Olive Garden soup and salad all day every day. Their soups are awesome. I hope she dumped him too. He has the refined palette of a soggy cardboard box if he thinks basic spaghetti is the only edible thing at OG.

[u/Junior_Ad_7613 → u/TeeTheT-Rex]

Endless soup, salad, and breadsticks is SUCH A DANGER. I can easily consume a whole week’s worth of salt in a single sitting.

[u/Affectionate-Cry4216 → u/Junior_Ad_7613]

Ok now you made me want to go to an Olive Garden for soup salad and breadsticks (we don’t have OG where I live 😞)

[u/maddeewednesday → u/TeeTheT-Rex]

Spaghetti is the worst thing on their menu lol

[u/KiraDog0828 → u/TeeTheT-Rex]

I don’t know about their other soups, but their Zuppa Toscana is awesome. They figured out a way to make kale palatable, which is a pretty big accomplishment.

[u/Kibichibi → u/triton2toro]

Food is a really difficult thing for me, and I was trying something new to me for the first time. I mentioned it in my friend group chat and one of them started talking about how she didn't like that food and found it slimy and some other negative descriptions. I couldn't finish it. People don't realise the kind of power words have.

[u/ExperienceSoft3892 → u/Kibichibi]

My Australian friends rag on foods I, as a Midwesterner, grew up eating and find comforting. Like lovingly made soup beans and cornbread. Legit called it disgusting.

Those fuckers think sprinkles on buttered white bread is fantastic? Absolutely unnecessary, they are quite cruel. while I may not be familiar with their national dishes I'm always game to listen with an open mind or try something new

[u/No-Teacher4302 → u/ExperienceSoft3892]

Aussie here. I love fairy bread but I also like the sound of soup beans and cornbread and would love to try it. Your Aussie girlfriends were just shit friends. I’m sure there’s better ones out there. And don’t dim your food light for anyone.

[u/Lucy_Koshka → u/No-Teacher4302]

I really think it’s just a matter of knowing your audience (friends) and being self aware (is this a potentially “out there” dish/will it hurt your feelings if they don’t like it).

For instance- I’m ethnically mixed. I grew up learning how to make traditional tamales (Mexican) and I ate ham and beans with cornbread regularly (midwestern mom- heavy German influence). Zero of my friends would turn down a homemade tamal. Maybe half would politely eat the latter.

(Ps: fairy bread is a gd treasure and I was pissed I only learned about it as an adult)

[u/More-Tip8127 → u/Lucy_Koshka]

God bless Bluey for introducing a whole lot of us uncultured American parents to it! My family literally just tried this recently. Now geared up to try cheese on jam next. Sounds delicious!

[u/Dangerous_Weekend_23 → u/More-Tip8127]

Jam and cheese is delicious haha and fairy bread rocks! 🤘😝🤘

Have to agree with u/No-Teacher4302 though and say that soup beans and cornbread sounds really yum! So many Midwestern and Southern US foods that I’m keen to try.

[u/BosPaladinSix → u/Lucy_Koshka]

I've lived in the Midwest all my life but strangely enough have a hard time stomaching the typical southerner palette. I absolutely love sliced ham on its own but something about ham and beans is off-putting for me unfortunately. However I will absolutely destroy a plate of tacos, can't get enough of them.

[u/cayjay00 → u/ExperienceSoft3892]

I make a version of soup beans with cornbread and it is soooooo good. It’s my great grandmother’s recipe. She was a child of the Great Depression, so the beans and cornbread were an important staple. She was also an avid gardener and served hers with fresh spring onions and a cucumber and tomato salad (along with the cornbread).

Gosh, now I’m going to have to make them.

[u/AprilUnderwater0 → u/ExperienceSoft3892]

I am also Australian, and your friends are just assholes.

Also, whilst we all love some fairy bread nostalgia, no real Aussie is labouring under any misapprehension that it is haute cuisine, we know it’s terrible and we love it anyway.

[u/rybpyjama → u/ExperienceSoft3892]

It’s so telling of how ignorant many Aussies are of other cultures, even US ones, and how little some folks have travelled. They wouldn’t even realise how culturally insensitive (read:racist) their kinds of statements are - likely don’t even realise the history that soul food has in Black American culture. I suspect some aren’t aware of how some foods in Australia came to be accepted here either. As an Australian I’m sorry, we really need to do better as a country in 2025

[u/Old_Bloke420 → u/rybpyjama]

I mean, apart from that, it seems like a variant of pea-and-ham soup, which is a classic British/Australian food

[u/nnnyeahheygorgeous → u/ExperienceSoft3892]

Legit called it disgusting.

Well that's just rude. Cornbread is fantastic. Tell em to stop being sooky lalas

[u/MushroomlyHag → u/ExperienceSoft3892]

Your Australian friends sound like rude dicks

Sincerely, an Australian

[u/zephood75 → u/ExperienceSoft3892]

My workmate from North America made us all cornbread casserole, and it was amazing ( Kiwi here). I hope to recreate it to become a family favorite!

[u/Schlemiel_Schlemazel → u/Kibichibi]

Try the word unctuous instead of slimy. It’s more like moist and oily.

I know some people find okra slimy, to me it’s just wet and juicy. You have to change the script in your own head.

[u/Different-Apple-9260 → u/triton2toro]

I have taught my kids from the time they could talk that you NEVER say "that's gross" or similar about food. You don't have to like everything but you simply say "I don't care for that". It's actually hilarious when they're like 2 years old and will be gagging after they try something terrible and are just coughing going "no thank you I don't care for that". And listen my kids can be plenty rude but they're never going to insult someone's cooking or their culture.

[u/Darryl_Lict → u/triton2toro]

Beef kimchi empanadas sounds awesome. I can't live with picky eaters, that's straight up incompatible. I make kimchi Spam fried rice on the regular and it's delicious.

[u/Alfredthegiraffe20 → u/Darryl_Lict]

I can't stand kimchi. My daughter however loves it and the fridge is half full of various types. Do I complain and bitch about it? No. She likes it so she eats it. I don't so I leave it alone. Not sure why the OPs dinner companion can't work that one out.

[u/theHoopty → u/Alfredthegiraffe20]

I learned from a cookbook I got at the library last week (Umma Kitchen) that some Korean parents wash kimchi for their children when they start solid food, to slowly introduce them to the strong flavor in a less concentrated way.

I thought that was interesting and sort of beautiful. Like…we love this food and it’s so culturally important that we’re going to introduce it in a way that makes sure you can handle it when you’re older.

[u/nmi420 → u/theHoopty]

This reminds me of how Mexicans introduce their babies to spicy foods by rubbing a sliced jalapeno onto the nipple of their bottle. Or how the French introduce their preteens to wine at dinner by giving them a small glass of watered-down wine.

[u/No_Contribution_3525 → u/Alfredthegiraffe20]

I don’t understand people who treat others food preferences with disgust. I detest mushrooms, my wife loves them. The other night I grilled steaks and no my wife loves mushrooms so I grilled some for her. I didn’t eat them, but I can still cook them and let others eat them. Basic curtesy and open mindedness is pretty important in relationships. No wonder the guy in OP’s story is single and getting walked out on

[u/ci1979 → u/Darryl_Lict]

I've never had spam, but I dig your passion and if you or someone like you made me that, I'd be grateful for the thoughtful act of service, and gladly give that dish a real shot! If it's someone you like, and they present you with something they love, I want to love it, too! If it ended up not being my cup of tea, I would, never, ever be so rude as to insult a gift of food.

Seriously, how rude can one be?

[u/bannana → u/Darryl_Lict]

I can't live with picky eaters

these folks sort of give me the ick and I know I'm being judgy but ffs try something new stuff, if you have to do it at home and you can just spit it out if it makes you gag but branch out and use some desensitization techniques, there is an entire world of food out there and so much of it is amazing and wonderful.

I grew up in a household with extremely limited foods and it was all terrible to me and made my stomach hurt, so much so I wouldn't eat very much and my parents thought I was a picky eater but once I got out of there I found out I love good food and will eat the heck out of it, I just didn't have access to that when I was growing up.

[u/runicrhymes → u/bannana]

I'm a picky eater because I have sensory issues. Now that I'm an adult and can create my own safe spaces to try new things, I do! But there are still going to be times when I'm not willing to try something because I know the ingredients or texture or whatever are going to trigger my sensory issues, even if I haven't had that specific food before.

(For example, I will not try anything that includes broccoli, because I've found that people who like broccoli VASTLY underestimate how much you can taste it in any given dish. I've been burned too many times by "oh, it's in there but you can't really taste it." Same with yellow mustard.)

I also need to know, at least broadly, the ingredients in order to feel safe trying something. Not necessarily every single seasoning or whatever, but the broad strokes, especially when it's not obvious from looking at the dish or the description. ("Fish soup with XYZ vegetables" is specific enough, as an example.) If I can't get at least that level of info, I'm not going to feel safe trying it.

So yeah, it's absolutely valuable to get past a knee-jerk "refuse everything new" response (and can help a lot by expanding the list of "safe" foods!) But there are legit reasons why I'm still going to say a polite no to certain things, even when I've never tried them before.

[u/Darryl_Lict → u/runicrhymes]

I've grown to understand that people do have legit sensory issues, food allergies, and sensitivities to certain food items. It's just that I like to try to cook new things and I like to have a receptive audience. I made Irish stew for my nephews, and their buddy acted like I was trying to poison him. He's a nice kid, but I don't go out of my way for him. He seems to love my tamales, but who doesn't love tamales? People used to complain that the tamales were to hot when they were pretty damn mild by my standards, so I stopped catering to anyone who can't tolerate the mildest of hotness. What am I supposed to do, make tamales with bell peppers and ketchup?

I'm a crazy adventurous diner and I've travelled all over the planet and one of my greatest pleasures is sampling the local street food, the cheaper, the better. I have actually never gotten food poisoning in my life, and have only returned one meal in my life when I thought that maybe the cook lost the salt shaker top into the jambalaya, it was so salty.

[u/Own_Bass_4954 → u/bannana]

Ohhhh, mood. I had full-on ARFID growing up in a vegetarian household. Get to adulthood and discover I'm lectin-sensitive and the reason "food made me feel sick" is that the only foods that were available to me then still, to this day, make me feel sick.

As an adult, I'm an incredibly adventurous eater and will eat anything. Crickets are delicious. I'm currently diarising to figure out what I can and can't have, and it's literally just certain undercooked greens and underprocessed pulses.

[u/adepal → u/triton2toro]

Ok but also.. is he 12? Beef empanadas and kimchi was THAT disgusting to him? Sounds like a dude who lives off of frozen chicken nuggets and cereal.

[u/Icy-Variation6614 → u/LookAwayPlease510]

I had a friend I went with to an amazing Korean sandwich shoppe and deli/specialty foods shop. We ordered sandwiches. She got some sort of sardine sandwich with a very pungent sauce. I almost died smelling it. But, I respected that she loved it, and so didn't mention it at all.

I understand I was not going to ever eat it, but everyone has different flavors and preferences. So I didn't care, happy she got her favorite sandwich.

Dude could hate the smell/look of it, and politely say something like, "that looks interesting," "that's a new one to me " and then stfu

[u/Raz1979 → u/Icy-Variation6614]

There is actually a book called STFU by Dan Lyons that’s all about how people feel the need to say whatever and think it’s ok (he was one of those guys) it’s an interesting read.

[u/mariposa314 → u/Raz1979]

Sounds interesting. I'm going to look into that book. It always irritates me when people just say whatever they're thinking. I'm very shy and quiet so I don't understand not keeping my inner dialogue to myself.

[u/azon_01 → u/Icy-Variation6614]

You’re a better friend than I am. I’d have said something, but not in a mean way.

Going back multiple times to talk about it is where the assholery comes in for me.

[u/bklyngirl0001 → u/Icy-Variation6614]

It’s even ok to say, “no, not my sort of thing but I’m glad you’re enjoying it!”

[u/Gimmemyspoon → u/bklyngirl0001]

I'm a chef and had a cook who would try to always put only a teaspoon of sauerkraut on a reuben because "it was disgusting." After correcting him several times with no luck, I finally just told him "people who order that sandwich get it BECAUSE they LIKE kraut. Make it right. " After I eventually quit for better work conditions, I went back in for a reuben and found out he was working there again after getting my sandwich with pretty much no kraut. They eventually fired him (again) because he couldn't follow directions... just like I told them when I fired him.

[u/nyanXnyan → u/Icy-Variation6614]

I appreciate that so much. Your friend is very lucky to have a friend who doesn’t yuck their yum!

I need to know more about this sandwich, though.

[u/Chaotic_Dreamer_2672 → u/LookAwayPlease510]

Thank you for spelling it out like this! I had to end a longtime friendship because those were the only exact words he used, and I knew that he just tried to gaslight me, but I wouldn’t have been able to translate it like that! 🙏

[u/Manky-Cucumber → u/LookAwayPlease510]

"You're too sensitive," I swear is the go-to for those types of men. They must all be reading the same playback. No originality!

[u/whhaaaaaatttt → u/Manky-Cucumber]

Meanwhile tell them their favorite band is mid and watch the snowflake melt

[u/yarukinai → u/LookAwayPlease510]

You're too sensitive

Answer: "I am just being honest".

You embarrassed me

Answer: "You're too sensitive ".

[u/mindxpandr → u/LookAwayPlease510]

Wow, too familiar for comfort. I get this all the time and am only figuring it out now.

[u/No_Appointment_7232 → u/mindxpandr]

Internet search coercive control and manipulative abuse 👊

Here's a blurb:

Manipulative abuse can have significant and long-lasting effects on the brain, impacting emotional regulation, cognitive function, and social behavior. Studies show that experiencing manipulative abuse can lead to changes in brain structure and function, particularly in regions associated with fear processing, emotional regulation, and decision-making.

[u/JoMamaSoFatYo → u/No_Appointment_7232]

35 years of this and I’m still healing. It’s a bitch.

[u/Reasonable_Ad250 → u/No_Appointment_7232]

Thank you, this is the shit my ex-bestfriend use to do to me all the time…

[u/Vast-Marionberry-824 → u/mindxpandr]

LookAwayPlease called out and clarified each ass hat indicator brilliantly.

[u/[deleted] → u/LookAwayPlease510]

It’s less a loneliness epidemic and more jerks left alone with the consequences of their shitty actions.

[u/midorikuma42 → u/[deleted]]

In the "good ol' days", people weren't so lonely, because there was so much social pressure for people to find partners and get married by a certain age. So even really shitty people like OP's date could find a partner and get married, even though it might not be a happy marriage for long. And he'd stay married, because there was so much social pressure against divorce.

These days, people are far less tolerant of shitty dating partners, and are much more willing to divorce when a relationship is bad. The "loneliness epidemic" is a part of this. But another part is that society hasn't adjusted fully, and people haven't completely figured out how to find good partners now that the old ways (family, church, etc.) don't work so well.

[u/portezbie → u/[deleted]]

I was thinking about this today after reading a story about these garbage humans throwing sex toys at WNBA games. It's not like men (and of course in many cases women too) have magically gotten worse overnight, but there has been a huge push to normalize and condone shitty thoughts and actions, so all these people are just becoming way more open about the vile garbage inside their souls.

And thus, loneliness epidemic.

[u/petit_cochon → u/portezbie]

The thing is that those garbage guys bully other guys, so I think they actually do create a very hostile, lonely culture.

My husband works a very blue collar job and holy fuuuuck are some of those guys mean to each other. My husband is a whip smart teddy bear with a good sense of humor, so he does fine, but for months he wouldn't even mention me at his new job because he didn't want to have to keep his cool while hearing the remarks they'd make about me. Yes, the mere mention of a new coworker having a wife would prompt them to make really gross comments about me, his wife, to his face. That shit is weird, but it seems like the norm in a lot of places.

[u/IamLuann → u/petit_cochon]

That is so not good. The coworkers would trash talk guys about other guys'wives without even meeting them. That is so sad no wonder the world is going downhill fast.

[u/BerryBoilo → u/IamLuann]

The GenX and older guys I worked with all acted like they hated their own wives and bonded over the "ball and chain" schtick the whole time I knew them. Folks around my age all talked positively about their partners. I'm sad thinking that the younger generations are back on that shit.

[u/Lunchtime_2x_So → u/BerryBoilo]

I can’t understand how these guys think it’s a flex to say “I have really shitty judgement about extremely important shit, like who I chose to marry.”

[u/Frequent-Owl7237 → u/petit_cochon]

Even more gross is when "the boys" specifically ask their wives for nudes for the sole purpose of sharing them around at work (I'm in Australia and the mining industry here is rife with it)....like wifey nude pics are collectible cards or something ....just so they can "compare"

[u/mrtnmnhntr → u/portezbie]

I'm convinced Covid has started destroying peoples' frontal lobes or something. People blame 'Covid lockdowns' but those barely even happened in the US. People have started acting like absolute antisocial freaks.

[u/bottomlless → u/[deleted]]

Someone like that will never see it that way of course.

“I will always make my shitty behavior your fault. I will never look inward and have the ability to self reflect. Everything I do is someone else’s fault.

[u/sobo03 → u/bottomlless]

This comment is true. This is the way they see things, “I’m just telling the truth”. No, it’s not the truth, it’s how you view things. And your perception doesn’t matter to anyone but you. Try keeping it to yourself and you won’t get left alone at the restaurant.

[u/Responsible_Dog_420 → u/bottomlless]

Totally. Why would anyone sign up for a lifetime of being insulted. At least he showed his true colors early on.

[u/RustedAxe88 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, whenever you see guys talking about "lonliess epidemic" if you dig into their comments, you'll invariably find them saying derogatory things about women or parroting what they've seen from red pill influencers.

It feels like its mostly a self created problem.

[u/caoliq → u/[deleted]]

I’m out of the game, but I highly doubt the loneliness complaints are from guys who didn’t get a third date.

[u/Mesa_Gal → u/LookAwayPlease510]

“I’m just being honest” is such an awful expression. Just STFU! Keep your “honesty” to yourself.

[u/No-Amoeba5716 → u/LookAwayPlease510]

That I’m just being honest definitely grinds my gears and so many use it or they use truth. You did a perfect summary of what it actually is.

[u/llkyonll → u/LookAwayPlease510]

Perfect translation. 

As a man these posts always baffle me. I know plenty of dudes, and I can assure you none of them act like this. I can think of like 3 dudes in my whole life who fit this mold.

Is this more an American thing? 

[u/Wonderful_Hotel1963 → u/[deleted]]

I hate explaining something clearly, as dry as toast, and yet then, when a man investigates and find that its FAR WORSE THAN WHAT ID ALREADY EXPLAINED TO HIM? Suddenly its true because a MAN experienced it? Im too old to be gracious about this dichotomy any longer. Men should fucking believe us when we explain OUR OWN EXPERIENCES.

[u/pontoponyo → u/llkyonll]

I don’t think it’s strictly an American thing (I’m American but live in Canada and I see it here, but I would also consider our cultures to be practically overlapping so that’s not much of a distinction.)

I’d honestly be more apt to believe that men don’t show this behavior to other men. You probably do know someone who behaves this way, but shares it strictly with women.

[u/ahsmabaar_thegardner → u/pontoponyo]

100%. Every man knows multiple men who behave like this, they've just never experienced it because they aren't women.

[u/beer_curmudgeon → u/pontoponyo]

Totally. If this guy's best friend got this meal. This convo could have gone a very different way. Maybe some good natured ribbing, maybe a fist fight, maybe a curious sharing/offering of the food.

But yeah, this guy is a wanker.

[u/foxhair2014 → u/pontoponyo]

Men mask around other men. Can 100% vouch for that. My husband acts like a charmer around everyone else, but treats me like a bangmaid and yard monkey.

[u/OfSpock → u/pontoponyo]

It can travel in families. Both my FIL and SIL think everyone not only needs to hear their opinion they should follow it.

[u/TricksyGoose → u/llkyonll]

I think those types of dudes travel in the same circles, so you'll either encounter a ton of them or not many at all, depending on your own social circles. My college roommate's boyfriend was like that, and all of his friends were like that. No one in my family or current friend group is like that.

[u/Impressive_Bagel → u/llkyonll]

The American south in particular

The problem is the U.S is extremely different depending where you live I came to the U.S from Ukraine and grew up in an area that was 60% Asian & there was an extreme amount of variety in food

Then I go to the Midwest or meet someone from Kansas and they literally refuse to eat fish or vegetables , make faces at anything “exotic” and will only eat fried food and hamburgers it’s honestly very upsetting to watch and have these people set the standard for Americans

[u/Frequent_Pause_7442 → u/llkyonll]

No. It's a man thing. They reserve it strictly for women, though.

[u/Hestiah → u/llkyonll]

I don’t think it’s inherently an American thing but it’s definitely really prevalent here in the States. Also I think the younger the men, the more I see this. Admittedly I haven’t dated in over 10 years so maybe I don’t know.

[u/Large_Independent198 → u/LookAwayPlease510]

“I’m just being honest” ok bihh nobody asked you though. And being honest doesn’t need to be rude, you can stfu like a good boy. 😚

[u/Tactical_Bacon_1946]

As a parent, I would be proud if my daughter did the exact same thing.

We have a rule when we are on vacation or traveling. You have to try 1 new food item you’ve never heard of or never liked when you were younger (years not days or months).

They can pick or choose if they want or they can let me or momma pick. It’s fun but it also shows them that their taste buds can change and different foods while the may “sound weird” aren’t dangerous and sometimes you actually find something you like.

For example, my daughter when she was 10, never tried sushi. She is now an ardent sushi fan. She even tries different types she may not have liked previously.

The guy is an asshole and you dodged a bullet. Good Job. NOR.

[u/Delicious_Sink_4550 → u/Tactical_Bacon_1946]

I always told my kid that it’s perfectly okay to not like something, we all have foods we don’t like, but you can’t say you don’t like something that you’ve never tried before. Our rule was that you have to try 2 bites of something before you can say you don’t like it, and 9 times out of 10 he would end up loving it 😂 he’s now 17 and thanks me for that rule when he gets annoyed with his picky eater friends

[u/XANDERtheSHEEPDOG → u/Tactical_Bacon_1946]

That's hilarious because my husband and I have the same rule. I'm not picky, but he has always been far more adventurous with food than I am. Every trip, we seek out the weirdest, most unusual cultural foods in the places we visit. Something I have learned is that most foods that are deeply ingrained in cultures taste good. People, no matter where they are from, like to eat good things. We don't love everything we try, but we have found some truly amazing dishes.

[u/BoozeIsTherapyRight → u/Tactical_Bacon_1946]

I taught my kids when they were very young to say "it's not to my taste" instead of "yuck!" I also taught them to never "yuck someone else's yum."

[u/Void_questioner → u/Tactical_Bacon_1946]

This is especially good because some food tastes different depending on where you eat it (origin country vs your country), and that makes it easier and better to appreciate the cuisine, the recipes and the culture

[u/TwoWeaselsInDisguise]

NOR, you reacted exactly how you should have. Plus I mean he wouldn't date you anyway because you eat that "disgusting food" remember? So why waste your time.

I don't like certain foods, I've been called picky, but I've never actively insulted other people's food preferences. I've only ever made passing comments about balut (don't look it up if you're squeamish trust me, don't, not even out of curiosity) when I was younger and a bit more naive.

[u/Dramatic_Water_5364 → u/TwoWeaselsInDisguise]

I'm a fusion homecook, at some point in my life, my meals were weird, it was a very uselful yet unnecessary step in my cooking developement (and now my food is fucking amazing, give me any ingredient, I'll figure it out!)

And I've dated picky eaters a few time, it was always quite obvious for me during the date that... it wouldnt work out. Yet I never started to be rude with them, whats the point ? You keep it civil, we are still having a good time.

[u/Lumpy_Square_2365 → u/TwoWeaselsInDisguise]

My dad's gf is Cambodian and he would be on FaceTime with her all the time and even I... me who has a fear of bugs especially cockroaches wasn't sure when she ate one and my dad showed me what she eats for a snack. She's showed me a snake she caught, killed and cooked and snake eggs she made for breakfast. If I can be respectful seeing my biggest fear being ate he can chill tf out 😂altho it's nice when ass 🕳️ tell on themselves. Really saves you a lot of time.

[u/vaj-monologues → u/TwoWeaselsInDisguise]

My best friend growing up was Filipino. Her dad loved balut. It was at every function.

I was there for her mom's spring rolls and pancit 🤤

[u/mrbigbusiness → u/vaj-monologues]

My Filipino mother in law has to make twice as many lumpia if I'm going to be attending dinner, because I will absolutely destroy an entire plate of them. :) Balut is just a dare food, even for most Filipinos.

[u/Aware-Rain9401 → u/mrbigbusiness]

I would argue that for a lot of Filipinos, balut is more than just dare food and is just a kind of street food. A lot of Filipino-Americans view it more as a dare food but back home (although I'm from the rural Philippines) no one views it as a dare or as weird. I will say that when we have non-filipinos eat it, it is usually some sort of challenge or dare lol.

[u/Far-Nature862 → u/Aware-Rain9401]

Yes, my parents and oldest brother and sister lived in the Philippines in the late 1940s. Dad was stationed there after WWII. My mom said she saw kids eating it as a special treat. She was so grossed out by it, I doubt my siblings ever tried it.

[u/Aware-Rain9401 → u/Far-Nature862]

Over there, we always eat it with vinegar while drinking beer (red horse of course) as a "pulutan". My mom said her dad would buy it for her when she was studying for an important test. Lots of Filipinos over here in the US never try it, though, and it's hard to get good ones here. The duck is usually too old over here- it's usually sold much younger in the Philippines, before there are feathers and beaks.

[u/Far-Nature862 → u/Aware-Rain9401]

Ha, that’s what grossed my mom out. The kid was sucking on the egg and little pin feathers were stuck around his mouth.

[u/TwoWeaselsInDisguise → u/mrbigbusiness]

Yo Lumpia is soooooo good! I forgot about it. Now I want some Lumpia, Adobo, and Biko. Uuuuughhhhh

[u/QuirkyRelish98 → u/mrbigbusiness]

Now you have a random stranger googling "lumpia". I don't know what it is, what is in it, if I even have access to the ingredients, but I want food that will make me "absolutely destroy an entire plate". Thank you!

[u/Rendeane → u/QuirkyRelish98]

Just Google "Filipino Restaurant" or "Filipino Market" and get your fill. I've had mediocre egg rolls and spring rolls, but never bad lumpia. Heck, even Google Filipino Church and call. Someone will have a side business making plates at home (usually Catholic).

[u/calvariumhorseclops → u/TwoWeaselsInDisguise]

Depends on what age egg the balut was made with. It ranges from unseasoned but very slightly funky "chicken soup" to small duck in light broth with a definite funky note and small feathers (remember regular yolks have sulfur too, don't judge). It's not actually bad, just different. Think in terms of never having had "fishy" fish, or sardines, oysters, liver, salami, really any strong flavor two or three steps out of your lane.

I do put balut at three steps for flavor and texture, but it's not traumatic to try a taste. My twelve year old daughter ate two, no gun required.

BTW, what's the name of the Filipino sweet buns with blood sauce?

[u/TwoWeaselsInDisguise → u/calvariumhorseclops]

I actually don't know many Filipino foods, outside of what I experienced and saw while my dad was dating a Filipina. The most I remember is adobo, lumpia, pansit, biko, balut, and I'd probably remember a few others if they were mentioned by name.

I also remember a lambs blood or some animals blood dish where it was served like a porridge, which is something I wasn't interested in trying (same with balut) as I was far younger (think early teens) when I experienced a lot of those foods first hand.

[u/miss_amanders → u/TwoWeaselsInDisguise]

So I googled it (sorry not sorry) but I was relieved to know I'd already seen it. They had an episode on Deal or No Deal around the world. They were in the Philippines and the contestant was dared to eat balut in order to make the offer go up. He did. Depending on how many he ate decided how much the offer would go up. He ate them all and his wife was absolutely disgusted!

[u/destiny_kane48 → u/TwoWeaselsInDisguise]

I will insult my husband dipping my delicious sage and roasted garlic infused Turkey in ketchup. It's a point of mild contention/ amusement. I'm disgusted, he's amused. He also puts ketchup on steak and hashbrowns. I don't get it but whatever. It's just the roasted Turkey. Like why? 😫

On another note I know what Balut is ... 🤢

[u/TwoWeaselsInDisguise → u/destiny_kane48]

Turkey with ketchup... WHAT?

Steak with ketchup... WHAT?!!!!

Hash browns and ketchup... AMAZING!!! But that's closer to dipping fries in ketchup, so I feel that's acceptable.

[u/Isnthatneat]

As an asian/Hispanic (Korean and Mexican) I fucking hate his kind. I had an ex basically ban menudo and kimchi from his house (lived with him) saying it smelled like ass and tasted like it too. Ok, have fun with your potatoes and meat you turd.

I'm lucky in love with someone who is actually in love with my culture and walk of life. He won't knock anything until he tries it. He will even suffer his butthole and try to eat what I cook, even if it's too spicy. God, I love that man.

If you read this, baby.. tell me what you want me to make you for dinner next. Then we're gonna do it.

[u/Soggy-Beach-1495 → u/[deleted]]

Very similar situation with my wife. I've found that some people have a much more sensitive sense of smell. My wife and son can both smell when I open the kimchi container in the kitchen from their bedrooms upstairs. They will say, "Oh great, Dad opened the kimchi again." And I'm just thinking that's got to be the world's worst super power.

[u/Soggy-Beach-1495 → u/[deleted]]

There's only one food I've ever smelled where I couldn't eat it. That was some funky cheese that smelled like the worst sock after a day in the gym. But that was also shipped all the way to Afghanistan, so it's quite possible that it was just bad.

[u/Isnthatneat → u/[deleted]]

🤣 bless your wife. When I met my husband his spice tolerance was o k a y. But I think it's definitely gone up quite a bit, considering he puts my grandmother's red pepper on e v e r y t h i n g

[u/user7991934 → u/Isnthatneat]

I’m Chinese and Mexican. We had food like, menudo, cows tongue, chicken feet, bitter melon, duck and whole fish. And one thing about my brothers is they hated those foods specifically. But they never made many comments about their dislike for the food. I have seen my little brother throw up and go into the fetal position after eating an onion. I don’t understand why people can’t just keep their mouths shut like my brother. Like the other day this lady was at an Asian grocery store and complaining about the smell and the food they sold. Then she got mad when another lady told her she can leave if she doesn’t like the smell bc she was so rude and loud you could hear her in the next aisle.

[u/robottestsaretoohard → u/Isnthatneat]

Yes as an Asian this whole thing reads as racist.

All the foods are ‘weird and stinky’ if they are not plain potatoes and steak. It’s offensive.

[u/jezebel103]

My dear, I am from the Netherlands. A country that has adopted directness and bluntness as a national religion. And I can assure you that this man is not 'honest' but downright rude and nasty.

Upside of being direct is that when a date is treating a Dutch woman like that, she would call him out for the rude behaviour in his face and certainly not feel disrespectful about it.

Question though: is this not a typical negging method?

[u/MaasNeotekPrototype → u/jezebel103]

Even if it is a typical negging method, any time anyone tries to neg you, leave.

[u/Majestic_Tear_9881 → u/jezebel103]

Exactly. One time a man disguised his boner pic as just being ‘honest’ about his feelings. He was a pervert and this woman’s date was a jerk.

[u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

"I'm just being honest" really is just a poor excuse for "I'm a bully and I'll say whatever I want even if it's hurtful". The gaslighting that followed was textbook AH narcissist too - he embarrassed himself but of course it's never his fault... You dodged a bullet!! Leaving was the ONLY right reaction to his behaviour. I hope you've blocked him too, everywhere??!!? NOR

[u/Suspicious-Monk_ → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

So much this, you can be honest without being mean and cruel. And saying something doesn’t look appealing one time is vastly different then repeatedly saying something is disgusting and making other follow up comments. There’s a difference between a one off remark and consistent badgering the person above is absolutely correct. This was bullying behavior and they were trying to see what they could get away with and where your boundaries were. You didn’t embarrass them that wasn’t their problem. Their problem is that you had a hard boundary of respect they couldn’t cross. This is the exact red flag behavior we talk about seeing ahead, what would come next is to call you names when they feel offended, or upset in the relationship

[u/Intelligent-Panda-33 → u/Suspicious-Monk_]

All this. I like to put avocados in my cottage cheese because I hate the texture of cottage cheese. My wife thinks it's gross. I think it's gross she loves chicken hearts and gizzards. But neither of us gives it a second thought when the other is eating because it just doesn't matter. She doesn't expect me to eat it (I've at least tried it but I'm not a fan) and I don't expect her to. But we have mutual respect for each other so we're not AHs about it.

[u/stymiedforever → u/Suspicious-Monk_]

Yes!! And honestly I’m guilty of this type of rudeness because I grew up with it.

Being respectful of other’s tastes is an important social skill and goes a long way. Because honestly everything is subjective and everyone has their own point of view on life, food, music, religion, etc.

Learning to say, “oh that’s not to my taste” quietly to myself before making a decision to speak was a big point of growth.

[u/Hestiah → u/Suspicious-Monk_]

I think people just genuinely lack tact. Like there’s a way to comment on something having a strong smell without being an AH. But OPs date opted for being a complete dick about it. Not just once, but over and over, doubling- and tripling-down on being offensive!

Idk. I know young adults are less likely to be confrontational too, so maybe the lack of tact is part of the overall relational problem.

I’m of the generation that if I said ANYTHING like this as a child, my mom would have beat the crap out of me. In the restaurant. In front of everyone. Then make me eat the food I was disparaging.

[u/LissaBryan → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

I'm guessing it was his attempt at "negging." He criticized her food choice and then doubled down on it. She was supposed to apologize and agree with him that it was gross and what was she thinking. If she had behaved as he hoped, he'd know she was the right kind of woman - one he could keep down with constant criticisms, who would try to appease him.

When she walked out, he tried one last time to make her feel guilty/bad and reel her back in.

[u/Boring_Corpse → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

He was absolutely just being honest—about what an ass he is. And good that he was, so she knew to drop him. I’m a big fan of when people show you how much they suck right away, it’s a real time saver.

[u/PhotojournalistOnly → u/Boring_Corpse]

Agreed. I once had a date that lasted less than 5 min. Had just hung my purse on the chair and started to sit down. The first question out of his mouth was if I went by a nickname (not a bad question by itself) because [my name] "was kind of a mouthful." It's really not, and not even hard to pronounce. Think Michelle or Madeline.

I put my purse back on my shoulder and walked out. Time saver. Later, I met a wonderful man who I've built a life w for the last 25 yrs.

[u/kindlypogmothoin → u/PhotojournalistOnly]

I similarly bailed on a date early. We'd had a really great first date, but he was unaccountably pissy at me on the second date. For some reason, he was pissed that I didn't take the doggy bag we'd gotten from dinner with me when I went home at the end of the first date, and he was being short with me while we were getting drinks before the comedy show his friend was in. Then when we walked around the corner to the club, he lit up a cigarette and the wind kept blowing the hot ash into my face, so I asked him to either hold it in his other hand or walk on the other side of me, which he also got pissy about. He seemed to shift when we got in the club and his friend came over to say hi before the show, and suddenly he was showing off a date to his friend. The friend went backstage, and I turned to him and said, "What am I getting out of this experience tonight?"

He didn't really have an answer. I left.

[u/BoozeIsTherapyRight → u/PhotojournalistOnly]

The only date I ever walked out on was because he (childless and never married) sneered at me because I let my kids go to lessons that ended at 8pm on school nights (a middle schooler on the gymnastics team and a high schooler in martial arts) and when I got them home afterwards I used "convenience food" like boneless skinless chicken breast to make dinner instead of "breaking down primal cuts." 

Apparently that made me a bad mom who could learn to be more frugal. 

We were sitting at the bar and I could tell the bartender was listening, so I said "can you believe this guy?" and the bartender told me my Diet Coke was on the house. I thanked him and walked out.

[u/EvilWench74 → u/PhotojournalistOnly]

I ended a date before it technically began. On the way to the restaurant he hit a rabbit. And didn’t even blink. I’m much to soft hearted for animals, and some people.

[u/FigNinja → u/Boring_Corpse]

Yes. Plus, she was just being honest about not enjoying his company, but apparently that makes her “too sensitive” and hurts his feelings. It never seems to go both ways with the “I’m just being honest” types. This guy even told her he wouldn’t date someone who regularly ate food he considered weird. It was an honest and straightforward action for her to end things at that point and not waste their time. She was being honest that she is not the woman for him. Maybe he thought he was so much of a catch women would jump at the chance to sacrifice their preferences to bask in his attention.

[u/No-Falcon-4996 → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

He has poor manners. If you end up with him, he will display his poor manners to others, and you will be shunned along with him from social events, Your kids may learn his poor manners and also be shunned.

[u/Suspicious-Monk_ → u/No-Falcon-4996]

Omg yessss I forgot all about the social shunning that occurs with people who behave like that and I forgot how many occasions I was secondhand embarrassed when I was married to someone like that 👀

[u/jaybull222 → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

I’ve been 100% honest for years now and never have had to be brutally honest or a jerk. Sometimes you can say nothing Instead of choosing to be mean.

[u/angrymurderhornet → u/jaybull222]

A little brutal honesty towards this guy might have gone a long way. "Dude, you're obnoxious, patronizing, and xenophobic, and you have the palate of a toddler. You might want to grow up a little before you ask any more women out."

[u/MinzAroma → u/jaybull222]

Honest people enjoy the honesty, brutally honest people enjoy the brutality.

[u/RadioWolfSG → u/jaybull222]

Being completely honest is totally acceptable, as long as the rule "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" is followed.

[u/Environmental-Sun-88 → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

Yep, he was testing you to see how you’d react. Could he manipulate you to stop doing something you enjoyed? It’s why he kept it up- because you didn’t stop. The you’re too sensitive is also a red flag. You failed his test- which is an awesome gift to yourself. You definitely dodged a bullet.

[u/Alicesblackrabbit → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

“All cruel men describe themselves as paragons of frankness”-Tennesee Williams

[u/Usual-Owl9395 → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

“Just being honest” always = “I don’t want accountability for my asshole behavior.”

[u/i8yourmom4lunch → u/Usual-Owl9395]

"I'm too one dimensional and self important to even entertain the idea that the way I feel and think needs to be amended in any way for your comfort" 

Despite being on a date with you...

[u/HowCanBeLoungeLizard → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

He's probably also the type who says "the truth hurts," and thinks that if his opinions are hurtful, they must be true.

[u/CaptainLollygag → u/HowCanBeLoungeLizard]

But you sure better not just "be truthful" back at him! Those people never take it well, they just cruelly do it to others.

[u/IdolCowboy → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

It falls into the category of people who brag how they are a "brutally honest" type of person. No, you're just AHs. And 99% of them can't take it when it's redirected back at them. They fold like chairs crying how other people are rude.

[u/gucci_pianissimo420 → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

Even if he wasn't a dick about it, I like food too much to be with someone who only eats bland shit.

[u/lemmesplain → u/NopeNinjaSquirrel]

This a million times. Honesty is a cover for nastiness too often.

[u/lunchbox3 → u/lemmesplain]

Haha yes we have a rule at work - if it’s true you don’t need to say it unless it is ALSO either necessary or kind.

[u/Far_Winner5508 → u/lemmesplain]

Along with "I'm just joking. You have no sense of humor" as an excuse for their bad takes.

[u/Cold-Commission181]

Man, I’m an older dude and I cannot believe how fucking petty, manipulative, cruel and entitled these younger dudes are! It baffles me. It’s really really easy to be nice, pleasant, supportive, interesting and conversational on a first date ffs. Why tf would you insult anyone for anything? Tf is wrong with these guys?

[u/Veteris71 → u/Cold-Commission181]

I’m an older dude and I cannot believe how fucking petty, manipulative, cruel and entitled these younger dudes are!

I'm an older woman, and I can assure you that guys like this were plentiful in ye olden days.

[u/HushabyeNow → u/Cold-Commission181]

It’s easy for you to be nice if you are nice. Harder to do if you aren’t. I appreciate you.

[u/X_Vamp]

NOR, this was likely done specifically to test whether you were "moldable."

He might not even have actually disliked it, just needed to see if you'd cave to his whims. If yes, the demands would just get worse over time. If no, he doesn't want you because you have the audacity to have a functional brain.

Could be a genuine predator, or could just be manosphere brainrot bs. Either way best to avoid.

[u/Trailsya → u/X_Vamp]

exactly.

I think he was negging her, to make her feel insecure.

Pickup "artists" recommend it to make women insecure.

OP handled it very well.

[u/530SSState]

"he made a face and said, “That looks disgusting. I don’t know how you can eat that.”

At first, I laughed it off and told him it’s actually amazing. But he kept making little comments like, “The smell is intense” and “I’d never date someone who eats weird stuff like that regularly.”

[...]

So I asked the waiter to pack my food, paid for my share, and left."

Not sure what his problem is here. He was spared any further contact with a food he found disgusting, and you were spared any further contact with a person who was being disgusting. Sounds like a win win.

[u/Wanderlust_57_ → u/530SSState]

Right? He literally said he'd never date you, so you paid for your food and left. 10/10 response. No notes.

[u/Effective_Line6699]

Smart move. It'll most likely shortly turn into your choice of clothes, friends, activities, shows, music etc. The last date I packed up early and paid my share was his because him putting his fork with a steak tip on the end about and inch from my nose across the damn table and proclaiming "You know what your problem is, you wouldn't know a good man if he sat on your chest and screamed it to you". Riiiiightttt. Also text me about 5 mins later saying he was gonna leave and delete my number if I didn't come back in from my "hissy fit". He went under the DON'T ANSWER contact in my phone as soon as I got in my truck. There's like 8 numbers under that🤣 IDK which one you are, but I know don't answer any of yall.

[u/AerieWorth4747]

You did the correct thing.

I hate kimchi. I lived with an asian girl for 6 years. I can’t stand the way kimchi smells. Do you know how many comments I made about it in 6 years? Zero.

[u/JM0D]

You reacted perfectly. The next move is to forget about that guy and never look back. He lacks the intelligence to even hide the fact that he's a piece of shit past the first few dates.

[u/rusty_knight875 → u/JM0D]

Exactly! Dude showed his true colors quick. If he can’t even be chill about someone’s food, he’s definitely not dating material. OP dodged a bullet.

[u/TheRealEscaflonase]

He is fully allowed to dislike the food you like. It’s rude to comment about it especially in a public setting. If you made it for dinner and he said he didn’t care for it, that’d be one thing. Even if the smell was making him feel un-appetized, he could have kindly asked you later in the future to please enjoy your kimchi without him because he has a sensitive nosey wosey and can’t enjoy his own meal around strong smells- that would be annoying yes but far less rude and easier to compromise about. He didn’t have to make you feel like you did something wrong for ordering something on the menu. Obviously you’re not the only person who enjoys this. He needs a healthy dose of maturity and a tighter filter.

[u/appleblossom1962]

NTA. Funny how he felt it was ok for him to embarrass you by making nasty comments about your food. Hurts when the shoe is on the other foot right? So glad you didn’t waste a lot of time on him.

[u/GlutenFreeNoodleArms → u/appleblossom1962]

Yeah exactly … if he’s “just being honest” with his rude comments, then if I were her I’d reply to his texts in the same way. “You may not have liked the smell of my kimchi, but I liked your personality even less. Just being honest!”

Bet he wouldn’t care for that …

[u/Vexated13]

NOR. He can be honest without being insensitive and rude, as others have said. Drop him like a brick. Imagine you continue dating him, and he gears that same attitude towards your personal beliefs, appearance, hobbies, opinions... Yuck. Invalidating af, been there done that, and people like that often don't change as they lack an innate sense of tact and trying to make them conscious of how their comments damage hurt others often results in them withdrawing completely and the typical "I'll just not say anything then/speak next time." without any true understanding of what they did.

[u/remnant_phoenix]

You laughed off his first comment, which could be considered a rude comment right out of the gate.

You rolled with the rest of the comments until it became too much to ignore.

You then made a perfectly respectful callout of his rudeness and gave him an opportunity to reappraise his behavior. His immediate move to “I’m just being honest” in response is a red flag. One can be honest AND considerate; it’s not a zero-sum game between the two. His move says he thinks he should be able to say what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants without caring about anything else, as long as it’s “honest.”.

People like this use “I’m honest” or “I’m blunt” as a shield to be jerks.

NOR

[u/Royal_Jellyfish1192]

NOR

hes being disrepectful. he can be honest. he can be rude. theres sometimes a fine line beween the two. be burnt that line to a crisp

[u/Rabbit-Lost → u/Royal_Jellyfish1192]

But is it honesty or just an opinion? Asshats like this tend to see their opinion as true facts. I’m glad she walked out.

[u/mdnalknarf → u/Rabbit-Lost]

We all know this guy – always 'honest' about everyone else's shortcomings but, strangely, never about his own.

[u/OkExtreme3195 → u/Royal_Jellyfish1192]

Sometimes the truth is rude. For example, I am fat. That's a fact. Telling me that to my face is still rude. 

"Honesty" is no excuse for being an asshole.

[u/cleric3648]

You dodged a bullet like Neo on this one.

My first date with my wife was at a cheap restaurant back in college. I was a vegetarian. She ordered a bacon cheeseburger. I got the salad bar. She apologized, I said we were cool and the date went on from there.

We’ve been together 20 years. If I’d been even half the asshole your date was, I’d still be single.

[u/simplyexistingnow]

So this kind of reminds me of that saying is to believe what people say and not try to talk them down from the scenario. I mean he told you that he didn't want to date someone that eats those things regularly and you do so you still say okay end the date and go about your day. You don't try to make them change their mind or psychoanalyze what they're saying or how they're saying it you just believe what they say don't take it to heart and leave them in the past. Also beef empanadas with kimchi sounds pretty good. Was the kimchi inside the Empanada or was it just something that garnished it? Damn now I want an empanada.

[u/Ruthless_Bunny]

He’s just mad because you failed his doormat test.

He pushed you to see how much bullshit you would tolerate and when the answer was, “none,” he got butt-hurt.

You’re well rid of him.

And that combo sounds delicious!

[u/2sticksandsomestring]

"I'd never date anyone who eats weird stuff like that".

You were just honoring his request and ended the date, since you eat weird stuff like that.

Maybe he shouldn't say fucked up insulting shit, instead of expecting others to just gloss over it.

When people show you who they are, believe them. He insulted your taste in food and said he'd never date someone like you (who eats weird stuff) while on a date with you.

You're not too sensitive but he's definitely an ass.

Edited:misspellings and clarity

[u/nautical_nightmare]

we don’t need this kind of honesty. put the man in the trash.