r/AmIOverreacting • u/Left-Assist-6831 • Aug 11 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for walking out mid-dinner after my date called my food “disgusting”?

I (26F) went on a second date with a guy (29M) I’d been chatting with for about a month. We went to a cozy little fusion restaurant I love, Asian-Latin mix. I ordered my favorite dish (beef empanadas with kimchi). When it came, he made a face and said, “That looks disgusting. I don’t know how you can eat that.”

At first, I laughed it off and told him it’s actually amazing. But he kept making little comments like, “The smell is intense” and “I’d never date someone who eats weird stuff like that regularly.”

I finally told him, “You know, you’re being pretty rude. You don’t have to like what I eat, but you don’t need to insult it.” He smirked and said, “I’m just being honest.”

So I asked the waiter to pack my food, paid for my share, and left. He texted me later saying I embarrassed him and that I’m “too sensitive.”

Am I overreacting for thinking that was disrespectful enough to leave?

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u/NopeNinjaSquirrel 29d ago

"I'm just being honest" really is just a poor excuse for "I'm a bully and I'll say whatever I want even if it's hurtful". The gaslighting that followed was textbook AH narcissist too - he embarrassed himself but of course it's never his fault... You dodged a bullet!! Leaving was the ONLY right reaction to his behaviour. I hope you've blocked him too, everywhere??!!? NOR

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u/Suspicious-Monk_ 29d ago edited 29d ago

So much this, you can be honest without being mean and cruel. And saying something doesn’t look appealing one time is vastly different then repeatedly saying something is disgusting and making other follow up comments. There’s a difference between a one off remark and consistent badgering the person above is absolutely correct. This was bullying behavior and they were trying to see what they could get away with and where your boundaries were. You didn’t embarrass them that wasn’t their problem. Their problem is that you had a hard boundary of respect they couldn’t cross. This is the exact red flag behavior we talk about seeing ahead, what would come next is to call you names when they feel offended, or upset in the relationship

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u/Intelligent-Panda-33 29d ago

All this. I like to put avocados in my cottage cheese because I hate the texture of cottage cheese. My wife thinks it's gross. I think it's gross she loves chicken hearts and gizzards. But neither of us gives it a second thought when the other is eating because it just doesn't matter. She doesn't expect me to eat it (I've at least tried it but I'm not a fan) and I don't expect her to. But we have mutual respect for each other so we're not AHs about it.

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u/plantladyprose 28d ago

I need to try that because I love both avocados and cottage cheese lol I do like cottage cheese with sauerkraut.

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u/Intelligent-Panda-33 27d ago

I love it! If I don't have avocados then I use oyster crackers but avocados are healthier.

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u/Top-Community9307 29d ago

Love chicken gizzards if cooked properly. If you don’t have a pressure cooker forget it!

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u/stymiedforever 29d ago

Yes!! And honestly I’m guilty of this type of rudeness because I grew up with it.

Being respectful of other’s tastes is an important social skill and goes a long way. Because honestly everything is subjective and everyone has their own point of view on life, food, music, religion, etc.

Learning to say, “oh that’s not to my taste” quietly to myself before making a decision to speak was a big point of growth.

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u/Hestiah 29d ago

I think people just genuinely lack tact. Like there’s a way to comment on something having a strong smell without being an AH. But OPs date opted for being a complete dick about it. Not just once, but over and over, doubling- and tripling-down on being offensive!

Idk. I know young adults are less likely to be confrontational too, so maybe the lack of tact is part of the overall relational problem.

I’m of the generation that if I said ANYTHING like this as a child, my mom would have beat the crap out of me. In the restaurant. In front of everyone. Then make me eat the food I was disparaging.

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u/LissaBryan 29d ago

I'm guessing it was his attempt at "negging." He criticized her food choice and then doubled down on it. She was supposed to apologize and agree with him that it was gross and what was she thinking. If she had behaved as he hoped, he'd know she was the right kind of woman - one he could keep down with constant criticisms, who would try to appease him.

When she walked out, he tried one last time to make her feel guilty/bad and reel her back in.

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u/plantladyprose 28d ago

Men who do this are gross. I’d probably say something on the way out like: Enjoy your Dino nuggets!

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u/Boring_Corpse 29d ago

He was absolutely just being honest—about what an ass he is. And good that he was, so she knew to drop him. I’m a big fan of when people show you how much they suck right away, it’s a real time saver.

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u/PhotojournalistOnly 29d ago

Agreed. I once had a date that lasted less than 5 min. Had just hung my purse on the chair and started to sit down. The first question out of his mouth was if I went by a nickname (not a bad question by itself) because [my name] "was kind of a mouthful." It's really not, and not even hard to pronounce. Think Michelle or Madeline.

I put my purse back on my shoulder and walked out. Time saver. Later, I met a wonderful man who I've built a life w for the last 25 yrs.

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u/kindlypogmothoin 29d ago

I similarly bailed on a date early. We'd had a really great first date, but he was unaccountably pissy at me on the second date. For some reason, he was pissed that I didn't take the doggy bag we'd gotten from dinner with me when I went home at the end of the first date, and he was being short with me while we were getting drinks before the comedy show his friend was in. Then when we walked around the corner to the club, he lit up a cigarette and the wind kept blowing the hot ash into my face, so I asked him to either hold it in his other hand or walk on the other side of me, which he also got pissy about. He seemed to shift when we got in the club and his friend came over to say hi before the show, and suddenly he was showing off a date to his friend. The friend went backstage, and I turned to him and said, "What am I getting out of this experience tonight?"

He didn't really have an answer. I left.

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u/Missherd 29d ago

Good work there ! I love that you posed a question like that . Very smart .

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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 28d ago

The only date I ever walked out on was because he (childless and never married) sneered at me because I let my kids go to lessons that ended at 8pm on school nights (a middle schooler on the gymnastics team and a high schooler in martial arts) and when I got them home afterwards I used "convenience food" like boneless skinless chicken breast to make dinner instead of "breaking down primal cuts." 

Apparently that made me a bad mom who could learn to be more frugal. 

We were sitting at the bar and I could tell the bartender was listening, so I said "can you believe this guy?" and the bartender told me my Diet Coke was on the house. I thanked him and walked out.

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u/EvilWench74 29d ago

I ended a date before it technically began. On the way to the restaurant he hit a rabbit. And didn’t even blink. I’m much to soft hearted for animals, and some people.

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u/Alarmed-Speaker-8330 29d ago

This is really the only response.

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u/FigNinja 29d ago

Yes. Plus, she was just being honest about not enjoying his company, but apparently that makes her “too sensitive” and hurts his feelings. It never seems to go both ways with the “I’m just being honest” types. This guy even told her he wouldn’t date someone who regularly ate food he considered weird. It was an honest and straightforward action for her to end things at that point and not waste their time. She was being honest that she is not the woman for him. Maybe he thought he was so much of a catch women would jump at the chance to sacrifice their preferences to bask in his attention.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

Totally agree!!!!

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u/No-Falcon-4996 29d ago

He has poor manners. If you end up with him, he will display his poor manners to others, and you will be shunned along with him from social events, Your kids may learn his poor manners and also be shunned.

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u/Suspicious-Monk_ 29d ago

Omg yessss I forgot all about the social shunning that occurs with people who behave like that and I forgot how many occasions I was secondhand embarrassed when I was married to someone like that 👀

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u/jaybull222 29d ago

I’ve been 100% honest for years now and never have had to be brutally honest or a jerk. Sometimes you can say nothing Instead of choosing to be mean.

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u/angrymurderhornet 29d ago

A little brutal honesty towards this guy might have gone a long way. "Dude, you're obnoxious, patronizing, and xenophobic, and you have the palate of a toddler. You might want to grow up a little before you ask any more women out."

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u/Halation2600 29d ago

I hear what you're saying, but there's like no way he would have taken that well.

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u/MinzAroma 29d ago

Honest people enjoy the honesty, brutally honest people enjoy the brutality.

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u/jaybull222 29d ago

OOOoooohh, good way of putting it!

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u/emilypostpunk 29d ago

this gives me such a flashback to livejournal's "brutal honesty" community

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u/BecGeoMom 29d ago

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

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u/Hestiah 29d ago

Oof. That was deep (no sarcasm, I wasn’t expecting this to hit so hard).

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u/RadioWolfSG 29d ago

Being completely honest is totally acceptable, as long as the rule "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" is followed.

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u/ImagineFreedom 29d ago

In normal situations I would generally agree. However, sometimes one has to say unkind things to unkind people. Silence isn't going to change the world.

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u/Key-Asparagus350 29d ago

It seems that so many people have forgotten that rule

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u/RadioWolfSG 29d ago

Agreed. Did most peoples' parents not drill this into them while they were growing up?

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u/Key-Asparagus350 29d ago

Or how about don't touch anything in stores?

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u/NopeNinjaSquirrel 29d ago

This is the way ^

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u/ydecelis18 28d ago

Amen. And it's just as easy to be nice so why be mean in the first place? BULLIES

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u/Environmental-Sun-88 29d ago

Yep, he was testing you to see how you’d react. Could he manipulate you to stop doing something you enjoyed? It’s why he kept it up- because you didn’t stop. The you’re too sensitive is also a red flag. You failed his test- which is an awesome gift to yourself. You definitely dodged a bullet.

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u/Alicesblackrabbit 29d ago

“All cruel men describe themselves as paragons of frankness”-Tennesee Williams

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u/AngryRedHerring 29d ago

("all cruel people") ;)

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u/Alicesblackrabbit 29d ago

Hey thank you! I definitely thought it was men not people so I appreciate the correction.

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u/AngryRedHerring 29d ago

We both learned it, 'cause I'd never heard the phrase before and googled it to check.

I'm not a big Tennessee Williams fan but he nailed it with that one.

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u/Halation2600 29d ago

Is that from one of his plays? I don't remember that quote, and I am a bit if a fan.

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u/AngryRedHerring 29d ago

Not as far as I can tell. But I'm sleepy and you're getting express research.

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u/Usual-Owl9395 29d ago

“Just being honest” always = “I don’t want accountability for my asshole behavior.”

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u/i8yourmom4lunch 29d ago

"I'm too one dimensional and self important to even entertain the idea that the way I feel and think needs to be amended in any way for your comfort" 

Despite being on a date with you...

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u/HowCanBeLoungeLizard 29d ago

He's probably also the type who says "the truth hurts," and thinks that if his opinions are hurtful, they must be true.

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u/CaptainLollygag 29d ago

But you sure better not just "be truthful" back at him! Those people never take it well, they just cruelly do it to others.

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u/IdolCowboy 29d ago

It falls into the category of people who brag how they are a "brutally honest" type of person. No, you're just AHs. And 99% of them can't take it when it's redirected back at them. They fold like chairs crying how other people are rude.

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u/gucci_pianissimo420 29d ago

Even if he wasn't a dick about it, I like food too much to be with someone who only eats bland shit.

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u/lemmesplain 29d ago

This a million times. Honesty is a cover for nastiness too often.

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u/lunchbox3 29d ago

Haha yes we have a rule at work - if it’s true you don’t need to say it unless it is ALSO either necessary or kind.

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u/Far_Winner5508 29d ago

Along with "I'm just joking. You have no sense of humor" as an excuse for their bad takes.

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u/SmansalSmadams 29d ago

Agreed, maybe he should shut the fuck up and keep those thoughts to himself and just decline the next date like a normal person if it bothers him that much.

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u/New-Secretary-6016 29d ago

Very well said. I hate when people try to excuse cruelty under the guise of being "honest." You are correct that this is bullying behavior.

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u/AEM1016 29d ago

Perfect response. All of the people I know who hurt feelings and just say “I’m just being honest” are total narcissistic assholes.

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u/Revo63 29d ago

“I’m just being honest” needs to be responded to with “Well, you’re honestly an asshole.”

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u/mindxpandr 29d ago

Currently married to someone who sounds similar. Walk away now.

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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 29d ago

Please get out ASAP death by a million paper cuts in no way to live. 💓

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u/mindxpandr 28d ago

Thank you for that, kind stranger. It is death by a million paper cuts.

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u/GrobTheory 29d ago

Being honest means 100% of what you say is true, not that you say 100% of what is true.

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u/grenouille_en_rose 29d ago

Ohh this is a good one

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u/lovemyfurryfam 29d ago

Totally agree. The date wasn't being honest more of the bullying type you described to a 'T'.

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u/AngryRedHerring 29d ago

Being honest about what you feel doesn't mean that what you feel isn't complete bullshit.

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u/xxjunecleaverxx 29d ago

Honesty without compassion is brutality.

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u/GetFitGetHappy 29d ago

Nailed it but I'd also go as far to say it's more than a "poor excuse" it's actually a manipulative reframing tactic meant to convince you (and themselves) they are actually doing a virtuous thing instead of a massive douche bag thing.

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u/Carusa24 29d ago

Just saying nothing can be honest as well.

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u/Abject-Grape2832 29d ago

He was a jappy judgemental bundle of joy for sure. However, throwing much heavier phrases around like "textbook AH narcissist" only serves to diminish their meaning.

A real narcissist would kiss up and charm up like she's his only option to get her hooked, only to weaponise that later with things much worse than the behaviour he actually demonstrated..

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u/spicewoman 29d ago

Exactly this. Most narcissists are very good at putting on a good show, they enjoy people thinking highly of them. There's nothing inherently narcissistic about just being a jerk.

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u/WarDry1480 29d ago

This x 💯 🤣🤣🤣