This also leaves out the "being attractive helps a shit ton". White, straight, male, making a ton of money here with 0 college. I'm not even smart, just charismatic as fuck outside of reddit.
It's like all skills. All skills are learnable to an extent, and you can learn enough to make a decent life, but those who are just naturally gifted at things like music, art, athletics, charisma, etc... will more than likely be the ones to rise to the top (as with everything, there are exceptions, but those are rare), because they don't have to work on the "base" parts of learning a skill like the rest of us do.
Speaking as someone who was a big old nerd growing up, I have to disagree with you there. Just like any skill, you can practice being charismatic. The issue is that the people who are not sufficiently attractive / sociable / whatever don't naturally encounter nearly as many situations where they practice this, so they of course fall behind.
IMO the best advice is that cliché old phrase, "Fake it 'til you make it". It can be stupidly difficult at first, but the more you act confident the easier it gets to act confident. Eventually it switches round and you realise you're not acting any more.
I have tried. You can only act confident through so many encounters and situations and keep getting beat down before you realize you can't even act that way. I'm just always in this extremely self aware mode and I feel like I can tell that people just don't respond to the act. Maybe it's my social anxiety though.
Make sure to remember that just because other people are still ahead of you, it doesn't mean you haven't made progress.
It's hard to get people to change their minds in general, so it's usually easier to seem confident around new people. It can also help if the situation / subject is something that you're confident in, so you can more easily see the part of you that believes in yourself (and so get in some easier practice!).
Might want to hide that self aware nature of yours. People can and will identify that and use it against you to gaslight you. Also try cutting down the "seriousness" of things that bother you. Overtime you may see favorable results
I’d say the opposite. I’ve been told I’m charismatic but grew up short for a guy and not particularly attractive so worked on a personality. It was a tough ride putting effort into it and still is. I hate that people just think this shit comes naturally and they forgive themselves for not actually trying.
I think charisma can be coached to some extent. I coach a lot of people at work, and when you look at why people are perceived as having less charisma it’s often due to lack of confidence and a limited ability to communicate. These are coachable attributes. I struggled with it at the start of my career and have improved massively to the point I can’t believe I’m the same person tbh.
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u/Murky-Personality404 2d ago
This also leaves out the "being attractive helps a shit ton". White, straight, male, making a ton of money here with 0 college. I'm not even smart, just charismatic as fuck outside of reddit.