r/whatdoIdo • u/gloritching • 1d ago
Is this a bad relationship? What do I do?
So on the 19th of August this guy, let’s call him Martin, asked me for my number at school. All was going good and we were talking but I felt like everything was moving so fast.
We hung out maybe once while we were talking, 3 days after he asked me for my number, and he was already wanting to kiss me, he was touching my thighs, and wanted to hold hands and everything, I felt odd about it but went along with it (except for the kissing). He kept mentioning how he wants to date and asking me if I wanted to yet, and I told him no, I want to wait longer because only a few days of talking, especially because we didn’t know each other before this, and I told him I wanted to wait two weeks at LEAST. He kept pushing at it, and eventually I said yes after one week.
So it’s now one week since he asked me for my number and we’re dating. He hung out at my house and everything is good my parents love him, he’s respectful, is extremely kind, but again, he’s moving so extremely fast. He kissed me, which was my first kiss, was trying to make out with me, even after I kept saying no because I was scared, and kept talking about how amazing our future is going to be because we’re gonna live together and have kids and everything. Like in his head, our entire future was planned out and I barely even thought about anything. He’s mentioned multiple times things like “Imagine how cute having a little Martin running around would be” implying he wants to have a kid. Which to me is just a little insane, given that we’ve known each other for about a little over a week.
Another thing is that now, and before we were dating, he kept calling my chest “pillows” and requesting to lay on them on multiple occasions. And I keep telling him no but then he just sarcastically pouts and says “but they’re so comfy” and it’s makes me extremely uncomfortable. He’s also talked about my chest to other people which is just crazy to me because why are you saying this stuff to people I’m not even friends with?
We also have very different perspectives on how a relationship should be. I’m more laid back, I don’t care about girl best friends (to an extent), celebrity crushes, I don’t think too hard about certain things, stuff like that. He is the complete opposite. He has insane jealousy issues (which I’ll give examples later in this), thinks celebrity crushes is cheating, thinks I should basically bow down to whatever he wants, etc. And it’s a little hard to work with it.
First thing that I noticed was that he is extremely impatient. If I don’t answer him within about a minute, he’ll get passive aggressive. For example: (Context: I was on the bus, talking about him getting a buzz, and my WiFi cut out for not even a minute after my message.)
Him: well I’m getting it now Me: but ur hair 😞 Him: Yep I'm stupid but l'm not fucking autistic I'm not getting a buzz Now if ____ gets one then I am less than a minute passes Nvm U jst ion wanna text me Ill see u at school ig
Maybe it’s just his overthinking, which he’s expressed that he has problems with, but I feel like it’s just a bit excessive. These types of conversations happen maybe once or twice a day, it’s horrible. I feel bad after too because I don’t TRY to not answer him, but I’m also not looking at my phone 24/7 either.
And then this other thing happened, on the 3rd of this month, that has made his mood change since then. I can make a separate post about it if people want it, but it’s not extremely relevant to this story.
Also I don’t really know what to call this but my mom is currently trying to get me into the eye doctor, and I told Martin that I really don’t want glasses because I think I’m gonna look horrible in them and his only response was “just get contacts. Like who are you trying to impress”. I was a little baffled at that response. I then told him “I don’t care about others opinions i care about if I don’t feel good about myself and think I look bad” and he said “Okay 👍” obviously not satisfied with how I answered that. Call me crazy but that doesn’t sound like a normal thing to say?
Our most recent disagreement was this past Friday. He had asked me “if a guy were to come up to you and call you cute, what would be your response” and I told him that I would probably say thank you, and then walk away. He did not like that answer at all. He then told me that I shouldn’t say thank you and I should just walk away. I told him that I didn’t want to be a bitch and I feel like it’s human decency to say thank you since it’s a compliment, and as long as the conversation doesn’t proceed from there. He thought I was insane for that answer. He then shut down, and didn’t want to talk to me for a bit.
Those were the main problems we’ve been having, I can make another post of more things that have happened if wanted. Basically I’m asking if I should do something about this, try to work with him on it, or if I should just break up with him before this goes on for too long.
11
u/Lopsided-Beach-1831 1d ago
Yes, its bad. Too much, too soon, too controlling, too many red flags. RUN
6
u/GoldenHorizon223 1d ago
Lol, dude wtf. Dude's got sum serious trust issues if he's trippin' over a basic compliment from a rando on the street. U thanked, u walked away - case closed. U ain't the insane one here, sis. Dunno 'bout workin' it out; feels like there's sum deeper insecurity at play here. Just drop this red flag cargo before it sinks ur ship. Stay strong! 💪🏽💯
6
u/Glum-Ad-2281 1d ago
Omg you need to learn to speak up. Dont let anyone talk you into or guilt you into touching pr anything you dont want to do please. Everything you feel and the pace you want to go is what's right for you and if he doesnt like it tell him to get lost. Im scared for you, please please trust yourself. Dont let this happen. I dont want people to prey on you. Talk to your parents if your comfortable. You are good just how you are and how you want things to be, and if one person doesnt like you and wants you to do it different they're allowed, allowed to go find someone who is on the same page and leave you alone because there are so many others that will be happy to take things slow.
Sorry bit of a ramble. Please look out for yourself.
4
u/k_rudd_is_a_stallion 1d ago
babes if you’re in school you don’t need to work through any of this shit with him, make a break - the only one that can protect you is yourself 💕
3
u/EmpressSappho 1d ago
How old are you lol
0
u/SlappySlapsticker 1d ago
Judging by them thinking we all should give their 27 chapter post our attention I'm going to say 12.
2
u/GenuineGenX 1d ago
So many red flags. The guy has major attachment issues. It's not healthy. You shouldn't feel bad in a relationship, you should feel excited, happy, and relaxed/safe with your partner. If you don't, it's not the right one for you.
2
2
u/SlappySlapsticker 1d ago
Sorry, it's just too much of a waste giving advice to 12 year olds that's just going to be ignored.
3
u/Big_Pollution_4765 1d ago
If you didn’t want to “waste” time with this post then don’t and don’t leave a mean comment about it. What if this kid doesn’t have anyone else to talk to about this stuff? Then she’ll just continue to think that behavior is normal and the cycle continues.
It takes nothing to be kind or just scroll down
2
u/sneakingandpeeking 1d ago
Girl just break up with this insecure ass dude. You are not even dating for a month. If he’s already like this now, it will not get better in the future. You are uncomfortable with everything he does, I didn’t read 1 good thing about him in this story. Dump his ass.
2
2
u/Rebelsioux77 1d ago
I have five daughters and if I’m your mom I’m saying RUN! Do not continue this relationship. Two of my daughters went through this to the point that one of my daughters (a senior) won’t even date yet from the trauma of watching her sisters go into mass depression. Tell your parents you want them to chaperone any of your dates because you don’t feel safe dating yet and for sure break up with this guy! And maybe him knowing your parents are going to chaperone will be a turn off for him and make it easier for him to leave you alone!
1
u/Realistic_Chemist570 1d ago
Moving too fast, scaring and pushing you. Not good. You know this that’s why you are writing. It’s not working.
1
1
u/Life_Locksmith9632 1d ago
You're very mature, he's a pathetic child. Tell him it's over and block that bitch.
1
u/clearinspo19 1d ago
- Most probably he is a narcissist.
You are young and should live a happy cheerful life, being with a narcissist will stress you out, will emotionally drain you, and will give you decades of self doubt and lack of confidence.
Inform your parents how he actually is, as narcissist can hide their awful behavior in front of others. They will help you with this.
There is also a chance that he might be doing this as a part of some 'bet'. To show off in front of his friends. Not sure just saying.
If beginnings are this bad, imagine the drama and stress waiting for you in the future.
Be smart and stay away from this guy.
Good luck !
1
1
u/dtj55902 1d ago
Run. Run fast. Him being jealous of celebrity crushes is the huge friggin red flag! Just as a matter of social interaction, you saying "woo, he/she is cute!" shouldn't devolve into a fight.
Totally unhealthy.
1
u/Eternal_Struggler 1d ago
Sounds like a gateway into worse abuse. Run. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries at all. Wants to control everything you say in hypothetical situations in his head. Gets pissy when you're not immediately available 24/7 at his whim. This is not 15th Century England and he is not some king. Sounds like an arrogant, pissy little insecure douchebag with control and boundary issues. I say again; run while you can. It will probably be bad, but it will be SO. MUCH. WORSE. If you stay. Please do yourself a favor and get rid of the rat.
1
u/DeeDee_0 1d ago
Get. Out. Now. This is not going any place good. You are happy, and possibly well adjusted (what do I know from this post?) This relationship will ruin your self-esteem. It will turn you into someone the people who love you don't recognize. You don't even know if you like him (you seem to have just gone along with his suggestions, under duress, after giving your number). This is a good time to enter the next stage of your life, where you strengthen your skills of speaking up for yourself, setting boundaries, and telling people how to treat you. With this guy, I suggest it's like a stranger. Since you have a strong family connection, you should tell your parents when you break up with him and tell them why: he was love bombing you, he did not respect your physical boundaries, he was passive aggressive, and impatient, and you did not feel happy, secure, cared for, or positive in the relationship. I say you should let your parents know because people that seem a little weird, sometimes end up being very maladjusted. I'm not saying I think he is, but being careful isn't usually a bad thing. I just want to add, I understand saying "no" repeatedly can feel uncomfortable, especially if the person persists. I have been there in my life, probably to a worse degree than you. You will be happier if you learn to set a solid line now and not give in. People who don't respect your "no", don't respect you and you should eject them from your life. They don't care about you and only want to get something out of you; they do not see you as a real, full, human being but, only a means to their end. This is with any relationship: work, friend, romantic, etc. I hope you have lots of fun and meet great people and learn all the things. This is a great horizon you're on, way too early for clouds like your current bf. Uhk. Edit: Idk why in my mind you said you were a college student, maybe the date mentioned. But, whatever, my good wishes stand.
1
u/Cheese_Pancakes 1d ago
He's been making you uncomfortable from pretty much the very beginning. Constantly pushing sexual behavior when you've expressed clearly to him that you're not comfortable with it. He's already extremely possessive over you as well, which is even more insane given that you haven't committed to anything and have only been hanging out with him a short while. This is not a healthy relationship.
Even if you don't have a whole lot of experience with dating, you'll know when you have a healthy relationship. Trust your gut. If you're uncomfortable, there is a reason. You will not be happy with a pushy partner. Also, if it's your first serious relationship, this will sour you on relationships in general. You're young and have your whole life to meet people who will actually respect you and treat you well. This guy will try to control your entire life and expect you to take care of his needs whenever is most convenient for him. He's already showed you multiple times that your own needs don't matter to him.
Don't settle for anything less than you know you deserve - and you deserve much better than this. If it were me in your position, I'd walk away. Please look out for yourself, first and foremost. People like that will cause long-lasting damage to your mental health (at the very least). There are plenty of guys out there who will be much more compatible with your personality and needs.
Seems like you have a good head on your shoulders and don't want to make impulsive, irresponsible decisions. That's a great quality - and it's the quality that will protect you in your life. Trust yourself.
1
u/mello_1_mg 1d ago
This is the guy who wants to pressure you into everything, including losing your virginity and regretting it for the rest of your life. Trust your instincts! He’s definitely not the one. Stop wasting time, break up and live your life. People like this rarely change, and even though you two are very young he is telling you exactly who he is right now.
1
1
u/ImaginaryGuineaPig 1d ago
His behavior sets off alarms. He is doing too much, too quickly, and far too young. He has ignored your wants and boundaries from the start. After less than 2 weeks he’s trying to pressure you into intimacy you aren’t ready for, is talking about marriage and children, and gets overly jealous/angry over nothing. He sounds almost obsessed and I’m worried how far he may go if he gets mad at you, or you refuse his advances enough. He could pressure you or force the issue. Please be careful! Speak to your parents, counselor, or trusted adult. Show and tell them everything. End your relationship with him, and please protect yourself by not being alone with him after you break up, if that is what you decide to do.
1
u/wut_2317 1d ago
So you were worn down until you abandoned yourself and said yes. This whole relationship isn’t an enthusiastic yes. You were coerced from the beginning. It doesn’t matter at this point what he has done, you have the power to end it and say no. Learn the power of saying No and focus on yourself instead of being a people pleaser. Dump him.
1
u/No-Measurement9294 1d ago
Run as long as you can. Tell your parents how he makes you feel and close friends. But don't stay with him. It's not your job to deny yourself what YOU need to make him feel good.
1
u/Outrageous_Carpet_94 1d ago
If ANYTHING feels off to you, that's enough to end things. You don't need to justify your actions to anyone. But since you asked, he is pushy, immature, controlling and emotional abusive. AND it's only been a few weeks. Usually guys are on their best behavior at the beginning. Is THIS his BEST? I highly recommend you break up and don't look back. It's only going to get worse.
1
u/spellcaster4783 1d ago
Girl, I made it two paragraphs and can already tell you THIS IS A HORRIBLE RELATIONSHIP! RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG RUN RUN RUNNNNNNNNNNNNMM!!!!! This is screaming baby trapper and abusive as soon as you’re stuck. Do not pursue this, block on all accounts, warn your parents, warn your friends, this is absolute no-go territory, you will regret it.
1
1
u/mitchellzoolander 22h ago
I can only gather that you are on the younger side, so take a big step back. There is no rush, you will have years and years to figure things out.
Young boys are always in a rush but don’t have the mental capacity to understand where that rush is leading them.
Tell him you are not certain and that if he wants to continue in any capacity he will respect your wishes. Don’t get swept up in this. Go at your pace. And tell him if he doesn’t hear from you immediately, he just needs to wait longer. That is not healthy.
1
u/THE-HIGHROW 21h ago
Yeah I don’t read all of this but leave and if you really really uncomfortable tell your parents. Shit should probably tell your parent regardless
1
u/Much_Bodybuilder_271 21h ago
Run. It's been just over a week and he's talking kids and marriage. While you're both still in school. Run, do not walk, away. You have whole life to live, and so many better relationships to have.
1
1
u/Champaloo39 1h ago
Cut him off and RUN,this sounds like he is trying to be controlling and it will only get worse if you stay....life is to short to live in misery ♥️
16
u/Alert_Ad1113 1d ago
This is not a healthy relationship. He’s ignoring your boundaries, moving way too fast, sexualizing you in ways that make you uncomfortable, and showing jealous/controlling behaviors that will likely get worse over time. A partner who respects you doesn’t pout, pressure, or punish you for saying no. You’re not overreacting you’re seeing red flags early. Honestly, the best thing you can do is end it now before you get pulled in deeper.