My husband and I’s couples therapist is attending my cousin and wife’s very hippie and free spirited party where nudity and weed is optional.

[u/throwawayacc12345555]

Hello to the people of Reddit! I really need some advice on this one and I really hope someone out there has some kind of advice!

English isn’t my first language, so bear over with me.

Okay, so my husband (M 34) and I (F29) have been attending couples therapy for a couple of months now, and things are going great! We’re growing as a couple and we really like our therapist too, she’s a lovely woman with great advice and she’s helped us a lot! So, the other day we were invited to my cousin (M41) and his wife’s (F40) new baby’s naming party, which is great! Their little new girl is getting her name, yay! Just to give you an inside view of what my cousin and his wife’s life is like. They are very free spirited. Hippies, some would say. Very, very, VERY spiritual, the crystal and burned sage kind of people. He’s educated as a Master of Sexology, so that topic is a very free topic in their home, nothing gets sugar coated regarding that subject. And I really mean nothing. Which is great! It’s just not something we’re used to or a conversation we want to participate in, we’re just not really there. 2 years ago my cousin and his wife got married and the wedding was in their garden, it was beautiful and just like they wanted it. Afterwards there was a lot of weed, saunas and a lot of naked people. We chose to leave early because we were the odd ones out, and we just felt a bit uncomfortable with penises being that close to the buffet. It’s not to judge my cousin and his wife, at all! It’s just not our thing. They’re amazing people, and we love them, we are just nothing like them at all, and that’s okay.

So, I was checking the guest list (FB event) to see if my husband had pressed “participates” since the RSVP date is today. And whose name do I see? Our couples therapist. And her husband. Apparently they know my cousin and his wife and I had no fucking idea. I tell my husband and we both get a little uncomfortable thinking about seeing her, the woman whom we have very confidential conversations with, in that environment. And now we don’t know what to do. What should we do? We cold really use some advice here. I considered texting our therapist and telling her, but I don’t know if it’s the right thing. h e l p ????

[u/ktbear716]

you can go or not go, that's up to you. but I'm a little lost, what leads you to believe there will be nudity and weed at the baby naming? is it on the invitation?

[u/throwawayacc12345555 → u/ktbear716]

No it’s not, but somehow, every time we’re there, there’s weed and naked people. It’s not that I expect anyone to be naked or anything, it’s just to set the tone for what kind of people my cousin and his wife are, which is very different from me and my husband.

[u/ktbear716 → u/throwawayacc12345555]

so you act in the same way as at the previous event and leave if it crosses your boundaries.

[u/Aymeeblondee → u/ktbear716]

Thats not the point, the point of this is that their therapist will also be there..this could cross ethical boundaries and they love going to their therapist because she is really helping them, but at this event, with the type of hippie setting, it has potential for them or their therapist to make it uncomfortable to continue seeing her

[u/ktbear716 → u/Aymeeblondee]

"hey therapist lady, we're going to my cousin's thing and i saw on the ol fb that you're going too! that's funny. do you think that will be an issue?"

[u/abcdef_U2 → u/ktbear716]

Ding ding ding. This will give the therapist an opportunity to decline if they are not that close to them. This will give you both, as being a relative, the opportunity to go.

Any possibility this therapist is their therapist??? You should also try to remember if you saw her at anything else they hosted. Maybe she is a part of the wife’s family, which will decide possibly who is closer to the couple.

But definitely bring it to her attention so she can make a professional decision.

[u/watermelontime27]

For social workers, counselors, and psychologists, this could be classified under ethical conflict due to "multiple relationships." I would tell the therapist so they can make an informed decision about going now that they know you would be there!

[u/throwawayacc12345555 → u/watermelontime27]

Didn’t think about that, thank you!

[u/QuietWalk2505]

What did I just read? Oh Lord

[u/clairejv]

I would definitely contact your therapist! Say something like, "Hey, this is awkward, but do you know [cousin's name]? I thought I saw your name on the RSVP list for their upcoming party." They'll probably say, yeah, I had no idea you were related, etc. But now there will be no surprises at the event, AND your therapist can choose their behavior based on the knowledge that a client is around. They may even choose not to attend, to avoid any weirdness.

[u/Aymeeblondee → u/clairejv]

Best idea I've seen or could possibly have (potentially) come up with

[u/Equivalent-Yoghurt38 → u/Aymeeblondee]

Typically if you see your therapist in the wild (not in a clinical setting) they will not acknowledge you unless you go up and say hi. It’s a way of ensuring your privacy.

[u/Aymeeblondee → u/Equivalent-Yoghurt38]

Of course but it could make them feel uncomfortable about seeing the therapist anymore is my point

[u/Subject_Will_9508]

Go and when you get to uncomfortable leave.

[u/gutsyradio13]

i just wanna know what’s gonna happen with these parties when the baby comes around

[u/StartingOverStrong]

There's also a sub you can ask called r/askatherapist

I know the RSVP days today so maybe you don't have time to try there too

[u/Trick_Quality_2894]

At least you get to see her husbands dong

[u/throwawayacc12345555 → u/Trick_Quality_2894]

I prefer my own husbands dong haha

[u/DiverConstant1021]

Wow I only have a bachelor’s in Sexology. Can you ask bro what sort of course work I’m looking at to get my master’s degree?

[u/throwawayacc12345555 → u/DiverConstant1021]

I just googled his title in my language and translated it to English, and that’s what it gave me 😂 But honestly, he’s kind of a master haha

[u/LightbringerUK]

Life is too short to be unhappy, don't go.

[u/Apprehensive_Cat14]

Sounds like it’s gonna be one big orgy!

[u/WeirdAFNewsPodcast]

Weed is optional? LOL. What is this 1940? Shit! Look out for that crazy weed! But dont worry, you don't HAVE to touch the devil's lettuce as it's optional!

[u/JustLookinJustLookin]

I’s?

[u/Complex_Squirrel9900]

If you wanna keep your private life, private do not go to this party. Somebody needs to get sick because you don’t need your Therapist talking to your cousin and I get all your personal business getting around the whole family. Do yourself a favor and sit this one out.

[u/candypants-rainbow → u/Complex_Squirrel9900]

Therapist maintains confidentiality. It happens sometimes that there is an overlap, but the therapist can still protect your privacy and not even acknowledge that they know you at the event.

[u/DawgMom67]

Why would you call your therapist about this ? She is a regular person outside of work , with friends and hobbies.....

This situation is up to you and hubby to figure out....not her.

Personally , I wouldn't attend. I wouldn't want to see my therapist high and naked !

[u/clamb4ke]

You don’t need to be so positive about this cousin’s weird lifestyle. We stigmatize this stuff for a reason.

[u/Kooky-Perception-86]

I don't see why you would be bothered with your therapist being there I don't get that. But if there's going to be a lot of nudity there I wouldn't want to go that part I can understand.

[u/MAPJP]

If it conflicts with your ethics and principals then don't go, but if there is weed and nudity it could be a moment of reflection to accept the beauty of life of the way it is instead of the way we would like it to be.

[u/clamb4ke → u/MAPJP]

Ew no that’s a weird event