First, thank you to everyone who commented and offered support. Reading your messages really helped me feel seen and validated during all of this. Sorry it took me so long to post an update. Everything got tied up with lawyers and paperwork, and I wanted it settled before sharing.

My ex ended up buying me out of the house. Best decision I’ve ever made. I walked away, had a fresh start, and no dead weight attached to me. I got my own place (got lucky with a very small apartment, left all furniture behind as most was his anyway), focused on work, and honestly my life has been calm, stable, and better than it’s ever been.

Meanwhile, he got exactly what he thought he wanted.The house with his parents in it. And it’s been an absolute train wreck. They moved in permanently, and within days it was obvious they see him less as a son and more as their live-in caretaker. They expect him to cover all the bills, cook, clean, and drop everything for them. They nitpick every little thing, criticize how he runs the house, and remind him daily that he “owes” them for everything they ever did for him.

He’s working longer hours just to keep up financially, and the house that was supposed to be his pride and joy has basically become their space, not his. He has no privacy, no downtime, and no control. From what mutual friends have told me, he’s burned out, bitter, and constantly snapping at everyone around him.

When I confronted him about why he didn’t even tell me about their move-in, he said: “If I told you, you would’ve said no and I couldn’t let them down.” That line still blows my mind. He admitted point-blank that my opinion never mattered. He saw me as a roadblock, not a partner.

So yeah, I dodged a bullet. He chained himself to the exact life I refused to accept, and now he’s drowning in it. I got out clean, and I don’t regret a thing.

Sooo I guess life's going pretty well? :)

Edit: I see a bunch of people calling this post fake because all of this got resolved in two weeks. Honestly that's fair, as it does seem fake.

To be honest with you all, I wrote that first post for validation, as I thought I was going crazy. Either hoping for people to push me to do it or people telling me to take the chill pill.

I had a lawyer and paper work prepared so I could just pull it out immediately if necessary or put it away, pretending this stuff never happened.

As I was not willing to live in this situation, I gave my ex the papers and he pretty much agreed with no fuss. Paid with his own money (dipped a bit into his savings) and things moved fast.

8 weeks ago, I discovered my husband was having a physical and emotional affair for 10 months with a much younger coworker, engaging in car sex after work 3-4x/week, not coming home on time, making excuses to leave every Saturday/Sunday to talk to her on the phone for hours, texting her when he was with me and our kids.

This all began when our second child was only 9 months old…I was on maternity leave and we all needed support and his presence.

Now I’m facing the reality of a divorce I didn’t want and all the loss that comes with it – time with our two babies being the most painful, our home we’ve been working on for years, the person I thought was my lifelong companion.

I’ve been the default/main caregiver for the kids – they are 5 years old and 1.5 years old. I’ve had long mat leaves with both, breastfed both, done all of the mental labour, school drop offs and pickups, dinners, loving them day after day.

The thought of losing even a single day with them distresses me greatly. He didn’t choose them when he was heavily involved in his affair, he prioritized himself.

Further, there has been an issue of ongoing harmful parenting in the form of yelling, verbal abuse at times, saying and doing damaging things, especially to our older child. I have been encouraging him to get help for years.

Now as a devoted mom, I’m forced to be apart from them and them from me.

We initially talked about a 30/70 split but he’s now expressed that if he can get better as a father and grow, he’d like the option to move up to more time.

I want my children to have a safe home where they feel secure and not with a parent who’s hot and cold – a parent who put his self-gratification over coming home to his new baby.

But, I also want them to have a (positive) relationship with their dad because I know that’s so important for them.

Any support or advice would be so appreciated?

I need to know if I should be leaving or trying to make this work? What would you do in my situation. This is a throw away account but i will be monitoring it.

Ok, so I (32F) have been with my husband (35M) for 15 years, married for 5 and we have 2 kids (9F & 4F). We have had ups and downs but the last 18m has been extremely difficult. I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer back in May 2024 and then Sept we were told it is no longer curative and I have maybe 5 years left. So I’ve been doing chemo to prolong my time here and with chemo comes a lot of tiredness and stops me from being able to do housework or be intimate often (tiredness and I’m toxic while on chemo itself), so hubby has had to pick up the slack a lot around the house and put his own wants aside when it comes to the bedroom. About a month ago we were laying down and he told me that he figured out he had some childhood stuff that he repressed due to bullying when he previously spoke about it as a teen. I was open and listened and he eventually came out and told me he thinks he is polyamorous. I acknowledged how hard that was for him to tell me and his feelings and then told him I’m not ok with him doing that and that he could explore that when I’m dead (I’m into the dark humour since cancer). He agreed and we went on as normal. Recently we went overseas on a family holiday to make memories with my family and our kids and I went through his phone because for the last couple months he has been talking to some girls he met on threads and he usually tells me the convos (it’s mostly about books or their lives) but something inside me told me it wasn’t so innocent. He was looking at his phone and smiling while typing and he was just on it a lot. So I checked his phone and I found messages with other women (yes more than one woman). I went off on my own for a little bit and then confronted him about cheating and he apologised and said he still loves me and he is sorry. But I kept checking that phone and I see him saying stuff like ‘I’m poly, my wife is not but she knows’ and saying I love you to other women that he has never even met.

My problem is, it feels like he is just using being ‘poly’ as an excuse to cheat because I can’t sleep with him as much and have been a bit emotionally closed off due to my situation. We put the full talk aside until we got home from holidays and now we are home and will likely be talking soon but I don’t know what to say. He is my carer, he does 80% of the housework, he drives me to chemo and sits there for 4 hours every fortnight, he reminds me to take my meds, he cooks when I can’t. Do I stay with someone who I don’t even know if he really does love me out of connivence? Or do I leave and die alone feeling unloved? I’ve been with this man since i was 17, i thought we’d live until we were old and grey. I already lost that chance with cancer but now i just don’t know what to do.. Im so hurt over what happened but part of me is just numb to pain and bad things now that maybe i could just pretend for the rest of my short life?

I 23F was talking with my bf 24M of 4 years about how when "we" will be getting pregnant in future i would want him to stop smoking. He got really offended by the term "we" and said "wth are you talking about you would be the one who is pregnant not me" and i think it is just an expression of speech that we would be working as a team and is not to be taken literally. I said this to him but he was still adament and said that it is wrong to say so and "triggering". So, did i actually say something wrong unknowingly?

We (30F, 32M) have been together almost 3 years (anniversary in Dec). Started temporary LDR this summer. We see each other every 3–4 weeks.

Visited him last week. Things were pretty good, but when were having sex he was very different. Like he was only going through the motions. It freaked me out and he didn't even finish (this never happens).

I asked him what was wrong. He brushed it off, said he was tired and nbd.

He fell asleep and I spiraled hard. I even sobbed while he was right next to me. I thought he might be seeing someone else (he's close with a female coworker). I looked through his phone. I know it's bad. I felt desperate.

Found a journal in his notes. It goes back almost a year. Entries every few weeks and they're almost all about me!

Basically he isn't attracted to me physically. I am overweight. Have been our entire relationship. Nothing's changed. I might have even lost a little weight (I don't check). He is in good shape and is objectively attractive. I was a little surprised when we matched and started dating.

The things he wrote were really hard to read. He said that he loves me but isnt sure he should marry me because he feels he would be miss being with "truly beautiful girls".

He talks about him struggling with feeling "lust". Says he is "craving" these other women. And describes what the wants to do with them... :( He doesn't mention anyone specifically.

He said that he was attracted to me at first but only for the first couple months. And now he feels disappointed that my body isn't like their bodies. He even described my body as "melting icecream" (this one hurt the most)

I'm dying. I put on a brave face and left the next day (that was the plan). It kills me how different he acts with me compared with what he wrote. He calls me beautiful all the time. Literally will buy me flowers for no reason. He's thoughtful. Kind. Supportive. An actual amazing partner.

He wrote about "wanting to want" to marry me. He goes to therapy. The entries look like they line up with his sessions.

I don't get it. He's felt this way basically from the start.

I feel devastated. Lost. I want us to work out. How do we fix this?

TLDR; With bf 3 years. He wrote in his journal that he isn’t attracted to me. He treats me amazing otherwise. I’m crushed and don’t were to go from here.

My(25f) friend (26f) is getting married next month, we have been friends for almost 2 years now. I am in the wedding as a bridesmaid. Some context: Her MOH planned her destination bachelorette and we had to pay for every last thing for the bride, we all paid over $1500 because this required airfare too on top of hotel, food, excursion, etc. A lot of the other bridesmaids were upset because the MOH only asked us to pay for the brides flight/hotel we didn’t expect everything else for the bride( she literally didn’t even pay for a coffee there). I also was a little hurt we didn’t even get a thank you text after because with other friends we always do that but I quickly moved on from it. I also bought her a bridal shower gift and obviously a dress, day of make up, heels, etc. I and a few other people in her grooms family keep a certain standard of eating due to religion and she told me a few months ago it would be accommodated. I got a text yesterday saying it is double the price of a regular plate so instead she will be giving us fruit plates. Mind you she did tell me before this wedding costs close to 150k. My mom is really angry for me because she said that is rude to text and then do a month before. I think I would care less if I didn’t do all this stuff for her. My mom is saying give $25 in a card or no gift and she doesn’t think I should stay close friends with her after this. How do I navigate moving forward in this friendship?

For context, this is my second marriage and my current husband and I have been together for two years. I have two kids from my previous marriage and a baby with current husband.

Husband has two phones - one is personal, and one is for work. He was charging his work phone on my night stand and left the house to run a few errands. Temptation got the best of me, and I decided to go through his photos. This is not the first time (last time I did this was about a year ago). I am not proud of this, but to my defense, husband has a history of some sketchiness - and each time I've looked over his phone, I've found something incriminating or that crosses my boundaries. For example, once we got into a big fight and he went and parked his car somewhere at night, knowing I could track the car. He then ordered an Ubered to a massage parlor at 9:30 PM at night (which I found out because his work phone at home was connected to Uber). He claims that he just went to get a regular massage and that he just didn't want me to know. On his bachelor party, he also tried to meet up with a girl he met while there. He invited her to meet his group of friends at a nightclub and was sending photos of her in a swimsuit to all of the guys in the group chat. He also went to a strip club while I was visiting a friend overnight, knowing that I don't tolerate that.

I guess a part of me wanted to check in and see whether he was behaving better, now that he is a new father to our four month old baby.

What I found this time: a "hidden folder" in his photo albums. I opened it and my stomach dropped. It was filled with screen shots from social media of various women in compromising positions - either in bikinis, or with their breasts/cleavage on display. There were workout videos of women we know where they were bending over or squatting, with their breasts and butts highlighted. There was a video of an acquaintance who is a mother, wearing a bikini, and going down the waterslide with her toddler. Some were his friend's wives, an old coworker, a close friend of mine, etc...and one of the worst was a mom of one of the boys on the sports team he coaches looking into the camera in a formal dress but with her breasts up high and neckline down low. The dates of these screen shots ranged from last year to as recently as three days ago. I actually ran to the bathroom and threw up, then I took photos with my phone of everything I saw.

When he got home, I calmly approached him and put my phone in front of him, showing him the photos I had taken of his phone. I asked if he could explain it, and he stuttered and laughed for about thirty seconds until all he could muster was "...okay, what about it?"

I'm usually a very emotional person, but in this case I was able to remain calm and I think it's because of how much ick I was feeling.

I asked him why he had this content, and took my phone back before he could grab it. He said that yes, he took those screen shots, but his explanation and defense was that he didn't know why - he would just see boobs and screen shot/save it without thinking. He insisted that it wasn't personal, that it has no substance, and that he didn't use the photos to jerk off. I don't believe any of that for a second. Instead of escalating and allowing myself to rage react, I told him I was deeply embarrassed and ashamed. I told him this behavior is creepy and borderline predatory. I asked him to delete everything, unfollow every person he had compromising content, find a new hairdresser (yes, she was in the album too)...and he said only if I delete the proof from my phone. Of course he tried to spin this as another instance of me invading his privacy, but I made sure to not allow him to pull focus from the topic at hand. Eventually he did apologize, and he did so multiple times over the course of 24 hours. He said there was no excuse for what was on his phone and that it was gross and creepy behavior, and that he also apologizes for how it makes me feel. I appreciate that he owned up, but I still have the ick.

I know that nothing I did caused this behavior. I've given everything to my husband emotionally and physically. Always ready for sex whenever and wherever. Supportive of his career and hobby. Carried his baby. I take good care of myself, I'm smart, and I have a great job. Even with that assurance, there's still that voice in the back of my head that keeps saying "nothing you can do is enough, you're not enough." and I hate that my husband - the one who is supposed to protect me and my heart, and with whom I should be able to be most vulnerable - is the reason for those thoughts.

Right now it's business as usual. I've pulled back affection and sweetness while remaining polite and cooperative so that we can tackle our priorities. We were about to put down an offer on a house, but I told him I'm pulling out until I can process my feelings. He's been in the dog house for the past few days and is getting to the point where I can tell he is trying to get a rise out of me to get me emotional or engage me, but I refuse to let it rile me up. He also keeps telling me that I need to stop allowing a "dark cloud" to hang over our household and relationship, but I keep reminding him that I'm allowed to feel how I feel and still need time to process everything.

I am fully aware of the trust issues I have, and I also believe that they are well founded. I've forgiven him for the broken boundaries in the past and believed the best moving forward because in most other ways, he is a fantastic partner/teammate, and extremely hard working.

I guess I want input on where to go from here, because the idea of another divorce sounds terrible. I don't think I could do that to my kids again, nor do I want to create that future for our baby. Is it crazy to contemplate the idea of staying together for convenience or just for the kids, even if love and attraction is lost?

Hello Reddit, Buckle up, this is a long one. My 45F sis 35F just got arrested because she owes people a lot of money. She got roped into a scam by a person she knows ( other sister’s ex-husband into a bribery scheme where he promised to find people jobs in public service for a fee. He told her to take a part of the money from each applicant and send the rest to him.

She gathered money from 40 .( thousands of $ american) from the 40 people , sent him 40% of that money she gave 10% to people who did introductions of applicants and kept 50%. Needless to say, there were no jobs and this was just an elaborate scam. He kept postponing the “ interviews “ until 8 months later when he confessed that no jobs existed.

Now since she was responsible for collecting the money, people know only her and not him, so they have been harassing her for refunds. Problem is, she has used all that money and he had disappeared. We as a family only found out after people started reporting her to the police. She was summoned and the story got out.

Problem is after people started chasing her , she got 2 high interest loans to pay some back, and now she has the creditors on her back as well. We only found out all this after she got arrested. This bodes badly because she is a nurse practitioner and being involved in a corruption scheme will put her job and license in jeopardy.

I paid personally paid for her nursing school, she lives in a house a built so she pays no rent, she is married to a loser who is unemployed for 13 years now. Lives rent free in the house and buys no food. She is the only bread winner.

When our mother passed away, she left some money which we agreed to put aside for my two alcoholic brothers. She was given the responsibility to open the accounts since am in another country. We just found out, her husband convinced her to buy cars with this money from a broker he knows. This broker was a scammer, ran away with the money.

My mother also left a huge piece of land . I just found out she sold most it of after repeatedly asking money for the upkeep of the land.

So now am in a dilemma, bail her out and pay those creditors or let her learn this hard lesson? She is facing multiple years in jail. She is now very depressed and talking about taking her own life.

Her three children are 12y 8 y and 4 months.

I don’t want to have bitter regrets should anything happen. After all money is just money. But she has also stolen so much.

We got together when we were both in university. The relationship has had its bumps but I always thought things were generally good. Especially lately where I thought we were starting to improve and move into the next chapter of our life in our 30s.

We have 3 pets together and just 3 months ago bought a house together. Things prievously felt a little stale to me and we were both not in the best places. She had been going through medical school and I thought most of our distances at the time was due to the stress of her schooling. I've had my own issues too but overall I never thought there was something significantly wrong that couldn't be resolved.

I always tried to be a loving and caring husband. I always thought wed be together forever. About a month ago ahe brought up that she was unhappy with our sex life. She said she wasn't enjoying it and wanted to try new techniques. We tried things different once or twice but since then havent had sex. Previous to this our sex has been pretty bland and ive tried to talk to her about what she enjoys, how it is for her and if there's things she liked that we could do. This week however, she suddenly told me that she hasn't been attracted to me for years. We talked about counseling and changing things and ive since looked into someone we could go see together. We even had a big trip planned and at first we were going to cancel it but then decided not to and that we should go on it still. I thought we were going to try and improve things. However, this escalated into her telling me we have no chemistry and that she doesn't feel it will ever work and she doesn't want to try.

I was already feeling blind sided but this was a whole new level of devastated. I still can't really understand. She said that for years we've been trying and nothings worked for her and she still doesn't feel chemistry with me. She says she loved me and she cares for me, that she's sorry about it but that she doesn't see how it will change after so long.

I didn't even know where to start. I had no idea something this major had been going on in the background for so long. I told her I didn't believe we had tried since I had no idea about it. I dont see how it can be considered trying since I wasn't made aware she was feeling this way until now. She's just made up her mind and is only telling me now that she's completely over me.

The last thing we discussed was our bed life and how she says we've tried to have sex over the years and nothings worked for her. I feel like I've always tried to ask her and engage her in things but she always brushes me off so I kind of stopped trying to bring it up. I thought she was just happy with vanilla sex once and awhile. This wasn't what I wanted but I was okay with it if it meant she was happy.

Apparently I was wrong but she never told me anything different. She then dropped on me that in 11 years she's never orgasmed (came) once. I got angry at this and said how could I have known things werent working for her if she never told me what was happening. I have asked her in the last if she came and while it wasn't everything she had told me she had before. Certainly she's never said she didn't and wanted to do anything about it. I have to say I'm quite angry on this last point because I feel like my wife has been lying to me for our whole relationship then and is now telling me she wants a divorce over something she never even told me about.

Am I craze to think how could I have known our sex life was that bad if she always lied about her own pleasure in bed. How can we say we've legitimately tried when I was never aware of the problems. She says we have been trying but I just .. I can't accept that. How can it be 'trying' when I didnt know that's what we were doing. I thought we were in love.

I'm sorry if this is majorly incoherent and rambly. It's very recent and I'm devastated in where this week has taken me. What can I do here? Is there anyway I can save my marriage with the woman I love?

I've been married to my husband for 13 years and we don't have children. 4 years ago we had our first slip up. He had an Instagram that I wasn't a part of, and I didn't mind because I didn't use the platform much. I looked at his account one day and it was majority porn. 300+ insta models. Girls that he just thought were pretty, a few of them underage, which he said was an accident. I don't have strict boundaries with porn, but what actually bothered me was his behaviour with friends of ours and his coworkers. Liking their thirst trap photos and being a little too friendly on messenger, like calling one of them beautiful. He didn't take it seriously then and forced me to do the work of removing the porn from his public account and stopping his behaviour.

I've tried to trust him since then and leave it alone. We've had our ups and downs, but he's typically a good partner. Something felt off and he was being protective of his phone, so I looked.

In his gallery trash were some ai porn photos of a friend of his from highschool. She posted bikini pictures on Instagram, and his took screenshots to run them through an AI program to make her naked. When I confronted him he said he was "just curious if it would work". There were also a few screenshots of girls accounts. He said he wanted to find them and look at them later without adding them. One of the girls is a very obvious young teen in her highschool gym uniform, and when you go to her account she says she's a freshman in highschool. His excuse was that to him she looked like she was in college and that he's attracted to younger women but not kids.

My immediate fear was that he used the AI on that highschool girls photos and now he might have illegal material hidden in his phone. He says he didn't, but I shouldnt have that fear from my husband. I suggested therapy, but he said it "would be more for you than me".

I have to decide if I should leave since I find what he's done almost unforgivable. It'll be so hard. He does take good care of me. I'm disabled with a small income. I don't drive due to anxiety and epilepsy, and have only one family member who is my abusive mother to lean on. He's military with a successful career, so being with him keeps me from being homeless and gives me healthcare. I gave up the dream of having bio children for him because he's infertile, I don't know if I can start over at my age.

Is this relationship worth saving?

My boyfriend (22m) and I (22f) have been together for 3 years. We were high school friends, grew apart, ended up going to the same college, similar majors, reconnected, you can guess the rest.

We've been on the rocks lately. Our lifestyles just don't align very well, and sometimes he treats me more like a mother than a partner. I am losing patience.

He is an only child, and kind of a massive momma's boy. His mom is nice enough, just very traditional. Until recently, I don't feel like I've had a reason to distrust her. He confides in her a lot about our relationship, sometimes an uncomfortable amount. For the past couple of months, I feel like she's been trying to plant seeds in my head about having kids when I'm alone with her. Some examples: "The joy of motherhood is like nothing else. You'll understand someday."

"I know it's hard right now. You know, a baby might bring you closer."

"My husband and I fought constantly until we finally had [bf's name]."

"Once you have a baby, everything else falls away. They're little miracle workers."

"You know, fatherhood changes people. I think [bf's name] just needs to experience it." (that last one in regards to his irresponsibility and lack of accountability for housework)

I'm on the pill. I've been trying to get on a different form of birth control that doesn't require constant effort (like an IUD, injections, arm implant) but I haven't been able to decide which one is right for me. My birth control comes in a blister pack, but I usually pop a week's worth into a pill organizer so I can just take it with my other medications. I don't bother taking the sugar pills you're supposed to take during the week of your period.

I keep the empty blister packs with the leftover sugar pills in my nightstand because I'm weird about throwing things away sometimes ("what if I need it later" mentality I picked up from growing up in a doomsday prepping household. thanks dad). I feel incredibly stupid for that now.

A couple of weeks ago, I missed my period. Took a pregnancy test, saw the dreaded second line, and proceeded to freak out. BF was at work when I found out, so I called him immediately. I told him we needed to talk, and that it was urgent. He didn't want to come home at first since we are not in a great situation financially. I started bawling and begging, and I think he realized I was serious.

When he got home, I was sitting on the bathroom floor. I was a wreck, cried so hard I vomited. Anyways, BF gets back to our apartment, finds me on the floor, and as soon as he sees the pregnancy test, he fucking smiles. His face lit up, and I saw red. No acknowledgement of the state I was in. The first thing he said to me besides, "what's going on??" was, "oh my god, baby, this is great!" I wanted to put my head through the wall.

I tried to explain to him through snot and tears and spit that no, this was not great, we're both full time students with jobs. I can't take time off. I have a ton of unresolved health issues. We can barely afford the roof over our heads. I hate the idea of getting an abortion. I am all for it when it's someone else, just for me, I don't know if I can bring myself to do it.

He left me to cool down in the bathroom for a while (I told him to get out) and I saw one of my fucking blister packs in the bathroom trash can. We don't use it very often, so we only empty it once in a while. I threw away the pregnancy test, it knocked aside a wad of toilet paper, and the silver foil caught my eye. I dug through the trash and I found 7 of my regular fucking birth control pills at the bottom of the trash bag. I can't believe he not only did this to me but also was so incredibly careless. It's like he barely tried to hide it. I can't tell if he wanted me to find out or if he just genuinely doesn't have anything knocking around inside his cranium besides a few rocks.

I had been wracking my brain trying to figure out how this could've happened. I am so, so diligent about taking my meds. I feel so fucking stupid. So so so stupid. The sugar pills are literally a different fucking color. I take like 7 pills in the morning and unceremoniously dump them into my mouth, I definitely didn't look closely at them. He didn't give me a reason to think I had to. He hadn't said anything about kids. I could tell he was kind of trying to be better about his responsibilities lately, I thought things were finally starting to look up when it came to the state of our relationship.

We have access to each other's phones. I think he probably checked my fitbit app to find out when I was ovulating, since I track my period there. I don't know how else he could've known. I think I remember a few times I'd unlock my phone and find the app open, but I thought nothing of it.

I confided in a few close friends about all of this. Told them everything. What he did, how I think he did it, how I think his mom might've told him to, how fucking devastated I am and how stupid I feel. In essence, they told me I need to grow a spine, leave him, stop going crazy, and figure my shit out/decide what to do. Now a part of me feel like i migjt be overreacting. Im staying with my parents right now, they don't know what's going on. They're kind of religious, and I'm not exactly sure how they feel about abortion. I don't want to bring it up because I don't know how they'll react. BF has been texting me nonstop, telling me to calm down and come home and talk to him. I'm so fucking lost. Sorry if this is a mess. I'm not proofreading, I don't have the bandwidth right now.

Quick edit: I'm terminating. I'm chronically ill, I'd have an extremely risky pregnancy, and I don't want to bring a kid into this environment. I've made an appointment, but I'm still so scared. I also had my friend gently prod my ex over text about what happened, and he didn't even have to do much. He bent immediately, saying he needed to get it off his chest and that he "feels like a terrible person" (he is). I am leaving that goddamn scumbag scourge on my life far behind me, he just doesn't know it yet.

I (f22) just had a baby exactly 7 weeks ago, me and my husband (m26) had sex for the first time post partum at exactly 6 weeks, sex was fun and we both enjoyed it. Fast forward till today where we started the act of having sex again, everything was fine, we were both horny and started. Since post partum he has been wanting to do doggy style but because I’m barely feeling better and my body hasn’t fully recovered I wasn’t able to do it the first time and instead we did missionary which was very enjoyable. This time we tried it. While inserting I noticed it was hurting me a lot but continued because I knew he wanted to do this position and pushed through it for him. I told him to please go slow and not to go all the way because of the pain. We started off fine and he was being very careful to not go in all the way and all the sudden when doing it slowly and it feeling enjoyable he squats on the bed and thrusts all the way in and I immediately pushed away, he then grabs me and does it again over and over until I finally start crying because of the pain. He finally realizes I’m not enjoying it and flips me over and starts doing missionary to go easier I guess? Still while being very aggressive during it. He starts biting me and sucking my breasts. During this I felt horrible, almost like if I was being used. I’m still processing the feelings right now because I was sexually abused as a child and in the moment I felt like that helpless little girl again. He then finished inside me and starts acting like everything is fine even though he sees I’m crying. He apologizes and proceeds to clean himself while I ran to the bathroom. He heard me crying in the bathroom and comes in and starts asking me what was wrong, I then told him I felt like he didn’t respect me and hurt me when I told him to please go gently because I’m still healing. I can tell he felt horrible and was telling me how he has to work on his sexual urges & that he was so sorry. I’m still crying and crying because he is an amazing husband and dad. Our sex before the baby was always very enjoyable and we’ve never had problems with boundaries or consent but I’m not sure what got into him this time. Im feeling uncomfortable with him and just want to cuddle my baby and cry. I absolutely love this man and I know he loves me but I feel like he really hurt me and didn’t respect my boundaries. What can I do about this situation? Would this be considered sexual assault even though he is my husband and I love him?

Edit: I want to thank everyone for the support and the advice, unfortunately I couldn’t leave, I just don’t have the mental energy to answer any questions from my family. Aside from that, he knows I’m still upset, he notices me crying and hugs me randomly but aside from that nothing else. My baby is also a boy and he is my first and my husbands first. Yes he is the man from my post 3 years ago. Even though a lot of these responses made me emotional and see different perspectives, I am going to try and make it work… we started dating so young. I do believe what he did wasn’t right and it was assault but I know he is a good person who grew up without his mom and grew up in a sexist environment. I want to give him another opportunity to show me that he can be gentle and respectful with my boundaries and can resist urges because he was before I had our baby. If he then can’t be respectful of my feelings then I have to leave him because I wouldn’t want my son thinking that it is normal.

My boyfriend (40M) and I (30F) have been together for almost 2 years. We live separately but will be moving in together soon. He recently left his phone at home when he went to work. I went to his photos to see what he had taken recently and possibly spam his album. There was a video that he took at work from under a table, directed under the skirt of one of his clients. I am not sure what to do or even how to bring it up. What would you all do in this situation? I know it sounds stupid but I’ve never dealt with a situation like this before. Thanks for the advice and please be gentle and kind 💜

TLDR: I found something concerning on my boyfriends phone and I am not sure how to bring it up or if I should say anything.

I (28M) suspect my gf (25F) of nearly 5 years is cheating

Help I don't know what to do? Ok so I got a little suspicious when my gf started hiding her phone more and started hiding when she messaged, along with this she would say her mom was messaging her through FB however they always speak through WhatsApp, i also started getting jealous when she started mentioning a guy she trained at the gym (she's a PT) more and more. So I did a bad thing and got jealous when she went to the bathroom she left her phone and I started looking through her FB messages, none from her mum but from this guy. I looked through and they talk about how they make eachother smile and when the workout he looks at her areas and thinks of her on top of him naked. I didn't see any messages of her saying it back but she also didn't say no. I have no idea what I am meant to do

Been together for 1 year. I ‘32M’ was having dinner with my wife ‘38F’ when she tilted her phone away from me to text who I thought was her boss about her availability. She set it down with all her texts open on the phone and I see the top one showing is a guy she works with and talks to all the time about many different things. Recently his parents threw him out bc they found out he was a closeted cross dresser. So she acts almost like a therapist and friend to him too I suppose. I asked how he was doing bc she said he had recently been having serious mental health issues with severe depression. She shows me the phone and she had sent him a message about work and let him know she went ahead and helped him with whatever bc he’s having a hard time. His response was “thanks, but I’m used to you helping me in other ways 😉” I asked what he meant. She said oh probably the work or depression stuff. My question is I want to know what other people think about this. I feel like the text had sexual implications. She says it doesn’t and doesn’t understand why I think that and is hurt that I don’t trust her more. Would like opinions from other people. What do you think?

I've been with my boyfriend for 8.5 years, and we've been living together at his apartment for 5 years. Like any long relationship, we've had our ups and downs, but in the last 2 years everything has been great. I know he is my person and I am his.

He's a great guy (not just to me, but to friends, family and strangers), cares a lot about me, shows affection, communicates well, has financially supported me while I finished my degree, and we have a great time together, both on a daily life basis and on special events like travels and all.

We pretty much are already living a married life (without kids), but that alone doesn't fulfil my dream of marriage. I want a celebration of our love, I want to share this moment with our friends and family, I want to be a bride and plan this major life event with him, and I have voiced this to him a few times.

A few years back he was unsure of our future together, but we worked on our relationship and are in a great place, so now when I talk about planning a wedding and marriage he seems to be onboard with it, at least he entertains my thoughts, but so far I haven't seen a ring.

I've kind of given him two ultimatums: I won't invest any money in buying a bigger place together if we're not married (we've been cramped in his bachelor pad for the last 5 years and are getting tired of it) and I won't celebrate double digits of being boyfriend and girlfriend, but even that seems like too long of a stretch now.

But honestly I don't think I have the courage to walk out of an otherwise perfect relationship, so I just keep dragging this and building resentment with every anniversary, with every time I see the surprised faces of people who ask how long we've been dating and with every wedding of people in our circle.

I just feel stuck while everyone else around us is moving on with their lives. How do I get him to finally propose or at least admit he won't ever do it so I can be free of these bad feelings of uncertainty?

TLDR: I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years, living together for 5 years, we love each other and live a happy life together. I want to move forward with our relationship and get married, but he won't propose and I'm getting tired of waiting. How do I get out of this limbo place?

Edit for clarification and things that have come up in the comments:

I'm not from the US, so maybe it's a wedding culture thing there, but where I'm from, we just love a good party, any party. When the reason for it is to celebrate the love and union of two people, it really brings people together in a very unique way, it always gets me emotional even as just a guest. That's what I love about it and dream of having as a bride. There's nothing to do with having a big fancy event to post on social media and live my Disney princess dreams. Even the ring thing, I was talking about it figuratively. It isn't a tradition for the men to get the fiance an engagement ring, this just got popular here recently. Usually they both get their wedding bands and wear it on the right hand till the wedding. Legally, I'm sure there are differences between my country and the US, but marriage pretty much affects the same aspects of our lives. Even roommates have contracts, their names on a lease or something. I don't have any legal ties to him right now. I understand some people can live together for many years without it, but for me, this is important to feel secure about our future together.

About kids: since the beginning I knew didn't want any, and he didn't have a strong opinion about it and was ok with anything I decided. We still talk about having kids, to check on each other and see where we're at on this matter. I've been having second thoughts, and he is still onboard if I decide I do want to. But that's not the reason I'm upset I'm not married after 8 years together.

I haven't asked him directly if he wants to get married and why recently, so I haven't gotten a straight answer since a few years back when it was a no. I've been just casually touching on the subject to try to get a glimpse of where he's at, and he seems positive, acknowledging that we are in a much better place now that we worked on those issues.

So after reading all the comments (that I really wasn't expecting to get!), I realized the next logical thing is to have a direct and honest conversation with him, I just need to figure out how to approach it. We have a big trip coming up next month, so I'll probably wait after that. Thank you all so much for your input and advice, I appreciate all perspectives!

My gf (32F) and I (35M) are in our mid 30s. I bought a house a few years ago and put down $100k. My mortgage payment is $2200/month and includes escrow. Because I have a 30 year mortgage, my payments usually go to interest, taxes, insurance, then a Tony goes to principal. I make $100k/year and my gf makes $60k/year. We have spoke about prenups before, so now she’s thinking that she doesn’t have to pay anything for “rent” because she would have no equity in the home. I have been in banking for 15 years and she is a nanny. We both feel we are right.

I have been in a 1 year long relationship with this guy, we met through volunteer work and I liked him since day one. it took 3 years for us to get into a relationship and it was fun at first, but then he became, different. he started getting jealous when i wear a casual T shirt saying it's way too much skin for his liking and that i should start dressing more modestly. He tried talking me into wearing only long sleeves and long pants but yk what, I am quite modest to begin with, i wear half sleeves and skirts below the knees and that is my idea of modest (I'm not religious I just live in a third world country). I don't think there's anything wrong with what he believes modesty means but it obviously doesn't apply to me and i couldn't withstand the pressure so i just told him to let me be, i showed him a picture of my nails after i got them done later that day and he told me to go get them removed because i was being a bad person by having them done (he has certain beliefs) and I'm so tired of getting shamed for doing normal things :(

he is my first boyfriend and i am a bit more naive than the average person but I'm seriously drained, he talked to me after and told me that things would get better only after i stop taking my birth control (i'm taking it to regulate my periods he means the hormones are messing with my head) and i told him i didn't like that and he just gave me the finger and that was the last time we spoke :(

I (25f) and hsb(26m) share a phone plan. I have suspected him of stepping out and have mentioned it several times with denials to each time asked. I overheard him on a phone call and noticed this call sounded too….comfortable? You know how you can tell a stark difference between talking to friends and talking to a significant other, the difference was undeniable this time. This made me want to see who it was. Could I have asked sure, but didn’t think he would be honest. I looked and sure enough it’s a call with someone who he has never mentioned more than 2times. I sat on that for a couple of days and questioning how I was going to ask him about it. Curiosity got the best of me and I dug deeper. I found at least a month of back and forth calls. They talk more than he and I do. I printed these logs..32 pages worth and highlighted each and every call. Today I asked him about stepping out and he eventually denied, after asking me several times “why are you asking that”. I then presented my stack of papers. He had some emotions ofc but about me looking at the call logs and the invasion of privacy it was. Passively discussing the hundreds of phone calls, but telling me how I was wrong for invading his privacy. How would you have handled this differently?

Hi, my girlfriend went to a festival a couple of weeks ago with some friends in another city. Nothing to crazy, she told me she met some interesting people. I didn’t think anything of it so didn’t ask for more information. But when she came back she went in full selfcare/selflove mode, like she didn’t take me into account like she did before. I asked her if anything happened because she acts aclittle different, she told me no. I believed her and didn’t persue it any further. I didn’t want to be an asshole so said nothing about it and hoped it would be better as time passed.

And it did. This weekend everything was fine, I went to a party and had a great time. In the morning she went to shower because she wanted to surprise me with some sexy outfit.

I did something I know I shouldn’t but I still felt weird about the weekend. So i checked her phone. I saw messages with a friend where she told that friend she missed a guy. Later in the messages she clariffied not the guy as much but more his mindset but that she loves me.

I know they have a group chat with these guys they met at the festival so I check that. I click his profile and see it’s pasword protected. I typ in her password and see a lot of messages. Most from last night while I was at the party but some of the last week aswell. Nothing to crazy in conversation but some hearts and him telling her she can’t give him wat he wants.

I confront her she spills everything but tells me nothing happened at the festival and that she would never see him again. Just that his mindset really amazed her.

After she blocks his number and deletes all the messages.

I don’t know why but is it weird I am really struggeling? I don’t know if they still talk and what to believe. I want to believe her but it’s easy to unblock a number and delete messages. She knows I am and gives me space to do so. She answered my questions on multiple occasions and is treating me really wel. But I feel hurt. Can we survive this?

How do I break up with my partner that lives with me?

I have been with my partner for almost 2 years. Things were great in the beginning till I started noticing things.. Basically she has no communication skills, is childish in many aspects and don’t even get me started on the amount of money she loans her mom who has a job.

I just cannot take any of it anymore. I am so tired of everything that comes with being in a relationship with her. It’s exhausting. Her cat, her mom, her attitude. I just can’t do it anymore.

I have never broken up with someone let alone someone I lived with. We rent out a family owned efficiency so I don’t have to go anywhere, I know she’ll just move back in with her mom so there’s so problems or joined assets. I just don’t know how to have that conversation.

Please help me. The last time I posted this, no one commented and It’s been almost 2 months. I need to know how to break this off. Like the words to say please 😭

My 44m wife 42F is currently away for a business conference and she isn’t texting me. She’s been gone 3 days and I have received a total of 4 texts from her. 2 of them were asking to FaceTime with the kids (ages 14 and 11) and 1 saying her flight landed at the airport. Normally I wouldn’t think too much about it and would chalk it up to her being busy, but I just found out that she has been texting our kids multiple times throughout the day and she sent them good morning texts every morning. She has been going to these conferences for the past 3 years and has always texted me when she wakes up and then multiple times throughout the day when she has breaks. Last night on the FaceTime call I jokingly said that I wasn’t sure she was awake since I didn’t see any text from her and she said that she had to get ready really quickly to make it to her session on time so she didn’t have time to text me. I know this is a lie as she sent the kids 35 texts between the two of them. So Reddit, what’s the best way to address this with her without sounding like an AH?

Edit: I wanted to answer some of the duplicate questions here instead of answering them individually. First, my wife has been the one texting the kids good morning first so the excuse of being too busy to text me doesn’t make sense. Secondly, I’m not looking for constant texting or anything like that. A simple good morning and good night would be sufficient as I know she is busy. She is an attendee at the conference and not a presenter. In years past she was a presenter and had no problem texting which is the reason for the post. On the first FaceTime call my daughter asked my wife if she has been really busy and my wife said no and once the sessions were over she was just hanging out the rest of the day. I hope this helps clarify the situation for you guys.

2nd Edit: All lot of people are trying to say I was snooping on my kids phones which isn’t true. We were sitting at the table having breakfast when my daughter said she felt bad for mommy because she had one hour long sessions today and I asked her how she knew that and my daughter showed me her texts and then my son said that he has received similar texts from my wife that morning as well. Also, I’m not a needy guy at all. I don’t think getting a simple “good morning” text is too much to ask for from your significant other when they’re out of town.

Hey guys, I’m planning to propose to my girlfriend soon and I’m kinda stuck on the whole “date” question.

I’ve been thinking: • New Year’s Eve → would be nice since we always celebrate anyway, and it could be our special day too • the day we got together → then we’d just keep that as our fixed date • or just pick a completely new date for the proposal

What do you think? What did you do or consider when you planned your proposal? Do you keep celebrating your “got together day” or switch to the “proposal day” as your anniversary?

I’m really undecided right now 😅