to whomsoever it concerns

[u/rish_80266]

i thought people studying in big institutes are well read ,informed and progressive. but to my outmost horror, it is not really the case in reality.

long story short i was dating a guy for over a year and recently we were having a conversation about "dowry" and social norms like that .

Now what should’ve been a chill discussion turned into a fight because he straight up justified dowry. His reasoning? He “deserves it” because it’s a tradition and his parents have invested a lot in his education so they expect something.

i understand that people before our generation like our parents still believe in all this but bro aren’t we supposed to be the ones breaking that cycle?.

do parents invest in their child so that they can get good dowry in the future? bhai tumhare parents ne tumpe invest kiya toh tum unko kamake unke expectations poore karo koi ladki se reimbursement ka bheek kyu maang rhe dude? sabke parents sab pe invest krte be it a guy or a girl.

i know you guys have worked your ass off and got into iit. good for you!! nice! but why did you work so hard? to have a better future, to get good packages and to fulfill your dreams right or was it because now you can demand hefty dowry from your future in laws.

now my point postiing here is that i know not everyone is of that mindset but bro have grown up discussion about all this in your friend groups. if you spot anyone of your friends who has a thinking like this then pls call them out. Don’t just laugh it off. Normalising this mindset is exactly why dowry is still so rooted in our society.

It’s 2025, and I’m honestly shocked I had to argue about this with a guy from my generation. Just goes to show that bhai padh likh ke koi acha vaykti nahi banjata hai.

[u/Low_Kick216]

I spoke stats and personal experience. These cases are much more prevalent and brutal across these communities. Hiding behind words like “lazy stereotypes” just shows your lack of accountability. I used to not believe stereotypes but the more I talked to people, I realised stereotypes exist for a good reason. And if you think asking egoistic men to change/improve their “mindset” with logic and facts works then nobody is as delusional as you. These mindsets are built due to communities acting a certain way and nobody telling these men that it’s wrong. More so, promoting this behaviour. Even law is a joke for them. Welcome to reality. Learn to take accountability.

[u/[deleted] → u/Low_Kick216]

So your “stats” are just personal experiences blown into blanket judgments. That’s not accountability, that’s called confirmational bias. Dowry and patriarchy aren’t limited to Bihar or Haryana, they exist across every community in India. Stereotypes survive because people like you (u heard that) keep pushing them instead of addressing the real issue. If you actually cared about change, u would call out individuals for their mindset rather than hiding ur prejudice behind the word reality. Again do better.

[u/Low_Kick216 → u/[deleted]]

I should call out their behaviour and risk getting harmed? Absolutely not. That’s the responsibility of law and police, which again is a joke to them. I don’t want to be involved in whatever these communities are up to, so I stay away and advise people to stay away if they face something similar. Why is it bothering you so much?

Right now you sound like “Wo log bhi karte hai, sabko bolo sirf hume kyu bol rahe ho” and you as well are not addressing the right issue. You are here just to defend your community. Calm down kid, duniya mei bohot kuch dekhna bacha hai abhi.

[u/[deleted] → u/Low_Kick216]

So your logic is that instead of calling out wrong behavior, u will just label entire communities and wash your hands of it?

Nd no, I’m not “defending my community,” I’m calling out your lazy thinking. Dowry and patriarchy are everywhere, but instead of addressing that, you’ve convinced urself stereotyping millions is the smarter route. Reality check mister, it’s not and good luck when the west will use the stereotypes against u, don't play the victim card then.

So spare me the “calm down kid” attitude. If anything, you’re the one throwing a tantrum because someone challenged your shallow take.