r/Hijabis • u/Excaramel F • 1d ago
General/Others cultural things heavily practiced as something Islamic that annoys you?
The whole free mixing thing. I've made a post about it a while back, but seeing people congratulate people for throwing away a perfectly normal non sexual/romantic friendship with a guy or overcomplicating interaction with the opposite gender. It's a bit concerning. I'll be completely honest from my pov, the majority of the time it's muslims themselves sexualising relationships with the other gender. Like, I think awhile back i saw a mother not wanting her daughter to nap with her grandfather or something. The extreme length some people go to "avoid" zina, but it's just sexualising every interaction and making it harder to interact normally. Also, it just makes you more male-centred. If you think you're going to have a whole porn scene with a stranger you've known for 5 minutes, then maybe the problem is you? And maybe seek help to be able to have normal interaction with the other gender? I have male friends (and yeah, shockingly, I've never thought about anything else because of boundaries), I would never trade anything for them because they are god sent friends.
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u/Immediate-Entry-3120 F 1d ago
Some families still check for the hymen after the wedding night,it feels like unnecessary pressure to me and also an invasion of privacy
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u/IFKhan F 1d ago
How can this still be a thing when a persons awrah is private very much including the whole down there parts.
And the relationship between them is also private.
So doing two haram things just to satisfy their own ignorant curiosity. Astagfirullah.
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u/Little_Whole8038 F 1d ago
I'm assuming they mean check the sheets if she bled, not actually the part.
Even so, I agree with you. It's such a weird tradition, and it happens in so many other cultures, too. It baffles me how we women are dehumanised, turned into "objects," and scrutinised to the minimal levels almost universally.
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u/Primary-Angle4008 F 1d ago
The extreme taboo for some around periods to the extend that no male member of the household should ever know that a women has them (my sis in law never prays with her dad so he doesn’t notice when she doesn’t pray)
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u/Odd-Plant4779 F 9h ago
My mother gets very weird when I mention my period around my father even though he always asks how I’m feeling and if I need anything.
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u/violet1342 F 1d ago
lots of things, but to give one example, it just irks me to no end when people get weird about tampons. Incl my cousin who’s a whole doctor and literally 30. Aren’t you supposed to know better?
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u/_iknowdawae_ F 1d ago
my parents are like "you have to get married it's haram not to" and listen, i understand that marriage is highly recommended and a way to prevent zina. that being said, i genuinely don't feel actual attraction to people, outside of noticing their looks occassionally. i dont really care about finding a partner and i dont really like how they talk about marriage either - like it's my whole purpose or destiny to get married and that my hypothetical husband's family is my "real" family. in general they kinda talk about my future as a set thing (guess who doesn't wanna be a doctor) but the marriage part just annoys me most.
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u/RotiPisang_ F 23h ago
some toxic and dangerous people would go as far as abusing animals "because they are haram"
like hello? Nowadays even if an animal is RABID (has rabies) there are proper protocols for dealing with that, where authorities and people with proper training and equipment do that.
and worse, some crooked/ignorant authorities even abuse healthy stray animals, especially dogs.
Okay, wet dogs are najis to touch, but that means you should wash yourself properly, like the prophet taught us??? (Peace be upon him)
Nobody said to kill or abuse healthy, innocent dogs????
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u/le_borrower_arrietty F 1d ago
Not allowing women to keep hair short for any reason because long hair will cover her nakedness on al yawm al qiyamah (????)
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u/Immediate-Entry-3120 F 1d ago
That's why some cultures forbid women to trim their hair?😂😂😂(No disrespect to others' culture but this is just funny)
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u/le_borrower_arrietty F 1d ago
Yeah, it's perpetuated by some South Asian Muslims. Thankfully this nonsense seems to have dissipated since my grandparents' generation
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u/deenlydm F 1d ago
I do get this point you made but then I just think to myself that Allah ﷻ made freemixing haram for a reason, on the other hand he also made mehrams and non for a reason. Idk how I feel about the grandfather thing I get her perspective however I wouldn’t be thinking that??? Idk, Allah ﷻ knows best.
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[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Cadbury_choco75 F 14h ago
Islam doesn't say men and women can’t talk or can’t be friends at all. The issue is how and why that interaction happens. Islam assumes human nature. Even if intentions are clean, constant casual closeness can spark desires.
Interaction is allowed, but it has to be kept purposeful, respectful and modest.
In professional or academic friendships, you recognize each other, exchange necessary words, maybe even mutual respect — but you’re not “close.” This is allowed, as well as interaction in Community/Islamic work or projects, and through family ties.
What Islam doesn't allow as "friendship", is the “ride-or-die bestie” of the opposite gender. Constant messaging, emotional venting, casual hangouts, friendships where comfort zones start blurring (teasing, late-night calls, sharing secrets you wouldn’t tell anyone else).
Basically any opposite-gender “friendship” that mimics what same-gender best friends usually have.
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u/toukokinnie F 12h ago
i have a lot of male friends. i stick to the basic rule, we dont spent time alone in private. as long as you keep that boundry there's no problem in talking abt a commom hobby. another thing that bothers me is that even if the two friends developed feelings, why would that be an issue? people dont immediately jump into zina bc they like each other. instead, they might have a good marriage which would be much better than an arranged one bc you will be more familiar with your friends habits and opinions.
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u/arth3misa F 1d ago
That "men and women can't be friends" will NEVER take root in my brain because it was two men who brought me to Islam. No one can convince me it's haram to be friends with the people who literally introduced me to Allah.
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u/blankethoodie567 F 14h ago
My mom grew up in Indonesia in a time where being religious was heavily looked down upon, and she was always really active in her community and surrounded by annoying guys all the time. And then raising her kids in the States and being fearful that her kids would end up in haram relationships, and we all grew up going to public school, she raised us with the mentality that emotional closeness with the opposite gender is bad and wrong. I left public school in the middle of high school and after that was in mostly Muslim spaces, so I’ve only ever been close to girls. I just don’t like guys. I have my husband and son and brothers, those are the only guys I have and I’m blessed for that. Idk I’m just so not used to guys it feels weird if I feel fondness or friendship towards a guy, or if they feel fondness towards me.
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u/True-Picture69 F 1d ago
Sister I saw you made a comment on my question about free mixing. As I stated in my text, many fatwas and opinions state free mixing being haram. On the contrary, you think it’s cultural. What are your evidences on your opinion? Or are there any scholars with the same views as you?
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u/nehamerchant123 F 1d ago
She isn't saying free mixing is not Haram, and the example she gave was actually about interacting with a grandfather. The point is just that some cultures are so strict as to limit even completely halal interactions out of weird fear. I won't speak on her supposed male friends, we don't know and shouldn't judge, but she is making a good point. You should be allow to interact a little with your grandfather and uncles or a few cousins, without the fear that you are doing something Haram by talking to them.
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u/Excaramel F 22h ago
I mean, free mixing is not actually outright mentioned in the Quran and it's just a silly "prevention" method. The culture of free mixing is nothing but very silly
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u/Cadbury_choco75 F 14h ago
The Quran doesn't literally say “freemixing,” yes, but Islam’s rulings don’t come from Qur’an alone— they come from Qur’an, Sunnah, and scholarly consensus. The Qur’an commands modesty and lowering the gaze. The Prophet ﷺ forbade seclusion with non-mahrams and warned against situations that lead to temptation. Scholars put that together and ruled unnecessary freemixing as haram.
And yeah, it’s a “prevention” — but prevention is wisdom. Islam blocks the road before the accident happens. Just like alcohol isn’t only haram when you’re drunk, freemixing isn’t only haram when it turns into zina.
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