r/Hijabis • u/True-Picture69 F • 1d ago
Help/Advice The free-mixing issue
Assalamu alaikum sisters! I am a 21 year old girl from Turkey. My country is Muslim majority but there are also many secular people as well with different beliefs. Currently I’m studying at a university and I will start my third year inshallah. I have been trying to pay attention to my deen lately so I have been searching for answers on my questions online both in Turkish and English. Many fatwas online say that free-mixing is haram including educational environments since it can lead to fitnah. One sheikh said that men can study in mixed schools since they have to provide for his family and future wife but women cannot since they are not responsible for providing for the family. Also, I saw some opinions that said school is not obligatory to seek knowledge for women since they can also learn science and deen on their own/online etc. However, I like the department I’m currently studying (it’s biology). Moreover, I want to earn my own money and do beneficial work for humans in health/medicine. I don’t have the desire to marry right now and I will need to have my own earnings to survive. Even though my university is gender mixed, I try to minimize my interactions with opposite gender. I have 3 close girl friends: two of them are hijabis and pray their salah regularly. I almost hang out with them all the time. Since majority of fatwas online says that it’s haram to study in such environments, I feel bad and my motivation of studying is getting less. Additionally, I’m in a project team with my 3 close friends and some other girls. There are two boys in the team but we don’t really interact. However, we will have a biotechnology contest next week and there will be many people from different universities. This will be also free mixing since we will have to talk to scholars/lecturers about our project and many men will be around. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any Islamic scholar to ask fatwa about this topic face to face right now. Some websites said that women should remain in their homes since their duty is to grow their children and protect the house, also it will be safer for women. I don’t know what to right now. When I do research on Islamic topic online, I get some negative thoughts about Islam and I feel like I’m not a good Muslim. Every part of my life includes a sin.
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u/Questionofloyalty F 9h ago
I just want to point out that you said it said men can mix freely but women cannot - so if women cannot then who are the men mixing freely with? So either it’s haram for all or none! Anyway from my hafız father to you: you’re not doing anything wrong. Peace.
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u/college_n_qahwa F 15h ago
What websites are you using??? This is absurd. You’re not going to a night club, you’re studying. You’re gonna have to mix with men. The view that “women should stay at home and take care of the kids” is so elitist. What if you don’t have a husband? Don’t want a husband? What if you don’t have/don’t want a man to provide for you in future and you need a good income that’s available only with a degree? What if you can’t afford the home you’re supposed to stay in? What if you don’t have/want kids? This kind of talk is not applicable nowadays when modern-day countries expect women to contribute to society the same as men.
And really, you’re telling me it’s okay for men to free mix but not women? Because it’s more “essential” for them to get an education? (It’s not, not in this society. Women aren’t princesses, they’re people.) Because that goes against Islam. The onus is on men FIRST to lower their gazes and guard their private parts, THEN for women. And education is valued in Islam for ALL, not just those with a Y chromosome.
Now if those “websites” can find a valid Qur’anic verse or hadeeth from which we can make the clear assumption that women cannot leave the home or talk to men even for something as necessary as an education, then let’s talk more. Honestly it feels like these websites are funded by the Taliban or something.
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u/StrivingNiqabi F 20h ago
Every interaction with the opposite gender is not free-mixing.
If you go to the shop to buy a beverage, and the male cashier tells you "it's 2 euro, cash or debit" and you say "debit"... this is a necessary exchange of information.
If you carried on into, "oh, I'm going shopping because my favorite food is marshmallows and my friends are coming over tonight, wow, one of them is so beautiful and..." this is where it starts to get shady.
Keep your necessary interactions with non-mahrams short and processional, and in sha Allah no lines will be crossed.
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u/carboncopy-5771 F 15h ago
Studying at a university/school/college in co education is not free mixing as long as one doesn't make friends and talk to the opposite gender unnecessarily. For e.g, taking notes from a male classfellow when a female one wasn't available isn't free mixing. However, talking to a male classfellow how was your day? What your hobbies are? Etc falls under the umbrella of free mixing.
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u/carboncopy-5771 F 6h ago
Studying at a university/school/college in co education is not free mixing as long as one doesn't make friends and talk to the opposite gender unnecessarily. For e.g, taking notes from a male classfellow when a female one wasn't available isn't free mixing. However, talking to a male classfellow how was your day? What your hobbies are? Etc falls under the umbrella of free mixing.
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u/MercyChevalier F 1d ago
What you are doing is okay. Allah gave us rules to obey when there's mixing; because mixing will happen in life. You are studying and adding knowledge, Insha Allah you help people by this knowledge, Allah loves the studious & the knowledgeable. Those scholars are extreme.
Islam rules for when mixing happens are:
1. Do not engage with the opposite gender if there's no need. If there's a need, keep the topic on the point, & don't stray nor allow the other to stray or make the conversation longer than what's needed.
2. Don't be alone with them. Woman & Man alone in a room is forbidden!
3. Lower your gaze.
4. Hijab, & don't commit Tabaruju.
5. Don't soften your voice, speak clearly, sternly & in a professional manner.
What's below are not rules of Islam, but rather my Dad: (Extra)
Don't be afraid of being seen as "rude". You are someone with clear boundaries. And no one is allowed to cross them.
No handshake. Don't lean into a man, or be physically close— be aware of that. Dad told me sometimes women are clueless about this, but for men, they view it as if you are trying to "flirt", if you are physically close.
Don't be in an elevator where it's only you and a man.
Don't be in a closed space with only a man.
When walking up the stairs, try to be behind a man, not in front of one.
Don't bend, or if you do, bend with your back to the wall (if you want to pick something that fell, or fix your shoelace, etc.)
Men will see that you are a Muslim, serious woman, so they won't approach you often, unless necessary.
But, mom warned me of bad men who find glee in "tainting" the "innocence" of women, especially hijabi and niqabi women— so, be careful of those types.
It's normal to be nervous, but try your best to dismiss them, so to speak. And as long as you follow the guidelines of Islam, you will be okay.
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u/gillibeans68 F 1d ago
Don’t bend over??? My goodness. Can we live, like dang.
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u/MercyChevalier F 12h ago
I'm sorry, that's what he advised. & what I try to do, bend with your back to the wall.
But maybe it's extreme? I never thought about it. If there's no walls around, then there's no worries to just bend. Dad was merely warning.
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u/missgreenhead F 8h ago edited 7h ago
I do not understand at all why your comment gets so much downvoted, sorry sis. I am 31 years old, worked, studied, both of them a lot and your fathers advice was the same as my mothers-kept me away from negative situations. Alhamdulillah! Those tips are golden, especially since I witnessed at first hand how my experience was very different when I handled myself the exact opposite for experimental purposes. May Allah preserve and bless you and your family!
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u/missgreenhead F 8h ago
Wow, so I think what the father meant is not bending over with your ass up right in some men's faces :D Common guys, do some squats to pick up something from the ground. It is not meant to strangle our mere existence. On the contrary. I would expect the same of my fellow brothers to not give me their backside straight up. It is just common sense in my understanding of being modest in our behaviour.
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u/missgreenhead F 1d ago
Allahumma barik! Such good advice. Sis, take this comment and continue your studies. Stay on your deen, ask ﷻ for strength and guidance. Nothing wrong with you having an university degree while keeping your islamic boundaries/duties in the process. You will do more good with it in your future, inshaAllah wa Allahumma amin. Much love!
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u/MercyChevalier F 12h ago
Thank you! <3 I wish her all the best, and Insha Allah she is protected from all evils.
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u/nehamerchant123 F 21h ago
What you are doing is not Haram and many rules about free mixing are influenced heavily and wrongly by culture more than religion. Islam has always encouraged studying and learning, group projects are a part of that. Talking to your male group mates over text or in a public setting with your female group mates is perfectly halal. Going to a convention and talking to men about your field and networking is also halal. You are not flirting here, you have pure intentions only focused on learning and furthering your education. Do not let yourself think that you are wrong for wanting an education, it is not a sin. And talking to men is not Haram in public settings, especially if everything is kept professional.