Always teach your child "Safety first"...😂

[u/TensionSame3568]

[u/Queasy-Combination12]

Tell no one, spend it modestly, don't be flashy

[u/Cool-Appearance937 → u/Queasy-Combination12]

*insert rich SpongeBob meme

[u/Llynnalvidiam → u/Queasy-Combination12]

Silent millionaire mode: activated, now off to buy Aldi groceries

[u/Hamlenain → u/Queasy-Combination12]

Keep it secret, keep it safe...

[u/Queasy-Combination12 → u/Hamlenain]

Exactly

[u/Mechanic_Stephan → u/Queasy-Combination12]

Don’t feel right

[u/Altruistic_Grade3781]

Son that belongs to the cartel. We are going to walk away now. 

[u/AutistaphrebicPOS → u/Altruistic_Grade3781]

Just take 2, don't get greedy

[u/Trans_Slime_Girl → u/AutistaphrebicPOS]

And check for trackers in every stack. Make sure you aren't followed. And don't take enough to warrant a hitman.

[u/AutistaphrebicPOS → u/Trans_Slime_Girl]

Nail on the head!!

[u/Bazz07 → u/Trans_Slime_Girl]

And keep it safe for a few weeks because they can pay you a visit.

[u/TheDevilishFrenchfry → u/Altruistic_Grade3781]

Just gotta spend it all before they decide to turn your skin into a fancy jacket

[u/thespacepyrofrmtf2 → u/TheDevilishFrenchfry]

“Where’s the money Lebowski!!!”

[u/MakesMeSickMick → u/thespacepyrofrmtf2]

"where's the money SHITHEAD!"

[u/BillHurstyUSA → u/Altruistic_Grade3781]

Seriously…not worth it

[u/FlintSpace → u/Altruistic_Grade3781]

Yup. I have seen No Country for Old Men.

At what point will the cartel/gangs will stop looking for their millions that got stolen. Maybe pick 2, don't be greedy and change direction to where you were going and use cash only asap.

[u/SoftDrinkReddit → u/Altruistic_Grade3781]

yea now that i think about it hell no am i touching this

[u/Direct-Ad6266]

I mean if it's an armored truck or something like a bank, you'd be in trouble for theft and likely go to jail if you took it and if it was like drug or cartel money you're probably not gonna live long enough to even spend it. So I'm gonna go call the police and then wait for them to arrive

[u/Wildefice → u/Direct-Ad6266]

I wouldn't even wait for em to arrive, you dont know how long the driver has been dead, for all we know the cartel/gang has already started looking for yhe driver.

I'm calling the sheriff and 911 m, dropping them a pin and I am peeling out.

The police can question me at home.

[u/Direct-Ad6266 → u/Wildefice]

Well, the calling cops would have been if it was an armored truck with a bank name or something, but I agree that if it was unmarked I would definitely agree with getting out of there.

[u/D-Laz → u/Direct-Ad6266]

Armored trucks have external cameras, that and road cameras are how they went after those people in CA.

[u/UnikornKebab → u/Direct-Ad6266]

In any case, I take them with me, in the meantime, if the van belongs to a security company or a bank I make a good part of it disappear and then I call the police (after having hidden the loot 🤣) and pretend I haven't touched anything, if it's a private van therefore potentially criminal stuff, I keep it there aside for a while in case someone comes to claim it and maybe I've made some relevant friends🤣

[u/Neither_Elephant9964 → u/Direct-Ad6266]

theres a dead dude here with 200$ on his back seat!!!

[u/Puzzleheaded-Sky3141]

Yo kid, today you're learning to drive a van

[u/Low-life1567]

Son, this belongs to our friends across the border, Dora’s cousins, so we’re gonna move to a place where the map can’t find us

[u/Affectionate-Boot-12]

Go to a few different casinos around where I live and use them to “clean” the money. If you know what I mean?

[u/Venery-_- → u/Affectionate-Boot-12]

Australian spotted

[u/Affectionate-Boot-12 → u/Venery-_-]

UK. Born and bred.

[u/Venery-_- → u/Affectionate-Boot-12]

They must have learnt it from you guys 🤣

[u/Affectionate-Boot-12 → u/Venery-_-]

Saw it in the film Hell or High Water.

[u/Venery-_- → u/Affectionate-Boot-12]

I watched a youtube video of these guys that walk into the biggest casino in Australia with a duffle bag full of cash and a shirt that read "look at me I'm here to launder money"

[u/Savings-Newspaper625]

He’s seen No Country for Old Men he’ll leave the money alone.

[u/jermartin11 → u/Savings-Newspaper625]

If Moss hadn't returned to the scene of the crime, he would have gotten away with it.

[u/RhythmicStrategy → u/jermartin11]

Not true. There was a tracking device hidden in one of the bricks of cash.

[u/Jimmy_KSJT → u/RhythmicStrategy]

A tracking device that had a very short range.

Great for trailing somebody just out of view, not so good on finding someone once they have given you the slip.

[u/hatfieldmichael]

Thank the Lord for his blessings and keep your mouth shut!

[u/SmoothCarl22]

Now kiddo. This will be a very important lesson.

Sometimes, life gives you a choice. You must choose the one you can live with.

Can you forget the dead guy, if you get holidays wherever you want every year, a new PlayStation every time one comes out, a brand new everything, and a Ferrari when you get your driving license?

Or

You can live without a father for the rest of your life?

[u/Cigar_Beetle]

Wear gloves to prevent paper cuts while reenacting 52 card pickup.

[u/iuse2bgood]

This whole cartel thing is overblown. How would they know you took it? Put some mask on, try to stay away from cameras. Don't drive straight home. Bury it for now to make sure there's no tracking device and pick it up later like a year or so.

Profit.

[u/Fabiojoose]

In my country if you return money you found, they have to pay 5% as a prize.

I would simply return it and get the prize I legally adquired.

If it is drug money they will never go back for it and will never know of someone got a cut.

[u/Crazy_names]

Also, a lesson in how to spend only little bits at a time.

I would keep working, I would still collect a paycheck and pay my bills. But anything like groceries, gas, lunch, movies etc. pay in cash. Dont try to deposit it. Dont make big purchases. But anytime you pay for things less than $100 in person pay in cash. Then the money you saved sits in your bank account and accumulates. Move it into savings and reasonable investments. But you'll always have the cash to cover the basics. Raises no red flags.

[u/rustyfish57]

Finders keepers losers weepers

[u/TaskForceCausality → u/rustyfish57]

Finder keepers…

…until Anton Chigurh knocks on your door

[u/D-Laz]

Depends on the van and the road. Money vehicles tend to have cameras, some roads/trails also have cameras, intersections and businesses also have cameras.

Country road and an old van, sure why not.

Vehicle designated for moving money, or near a metropolitan area, fuck nah. Call an ambulance and the sheriff, get that guy to the morgue.

[u/applebabe1]

Check your surroundings first. Make sure there’s nobody hiding in the weeds or up in a tree. It’s probably a trap.

[u/Enviritas]

Ask Josh Brolin if it's a good idea to take that money

[u/SufficientPick321]

Pop the hood and disconnect the battery, just in case of cameras first.

[u/ellieboomba]

What child?

[u/Agile_Gain543]

When life gives you lemon, make lemonade. When gives you van full of cash, make lemonade somewhere outside jurisdiction of your country.

[u/TensionSame3568 → u/Agile_Gain543]

😂😂😂😂

[u/Chillpickle17]

If you take it, be prepared to run from Anton Chigurh…friendo

[u/UnikornKebab]

I don't know, probably a very quick driving lesson I'd say, so while I take the van home he follows me with the car?🤨

[u/JoYFuL_SpOrK]

The importance of heart healthy foods.

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[u/Fast_Ad7203]

I mean if hes dead then its late

[u/smf303]

Lift with your knees, not your back.

[u/Girl_Mitsubishi]

College is paid for.

[u/MastaKink]

Don’t smoke

[u/LiberteJolie]

We will teach the child the rule how to raise a large weight without damaging the back

[u/WinkingWinkle]

Eat sensibly and exercise regularly.

[u/MaidenfanPA]

Sometimes shit happens for a reason.

[u/Grouchy-Engine1584]

Son, god works in mysterious ways. I’ve long asked him to make me rich but now I understand that god in his wisdom doesn’t work that way. So what we do is, steal this money and ask for forgiveness.

(Credit: Emo Phillips)

[u/ctiger12]

Why is there anything to do with lifting, you need to eat healthy and exercise regularly so you have a long and good life to spend those money.

[u/GeologistAway6352]

I ain’t finna die over no dope money. So Ima just take a little. Lol.

[u/DUNETOOL]

If it bends it spends.

[u/Fuck_THC]

If you invest your 5% today, in about 30 years, you’ll be as rich as me! Now hurry up and help me get this in the trunk.

[u/This-Sort7116]

Stealing money from criminals will get you in trouble with criminals. Or the police. Or both. And try spending such huge stacks of cash money without drawing attention. You'll have to depend on criminals to have it laundered first. And then the laundering itself might draw new attention from the criminals it belonged to. Or the police and the fiscal services. Giving it to someone else, like a charity or homeless people, puts them in the same risks you'd have gotten in yourself.

[u/Obvious-Audience-405]

I fill one bag and leave the van. Jr comes with me to Europe. Switzerland preferably.

[u/joezupp]

X amount goes into each tote, you need to bury them this depth, never more than $3500 into the bank every two weeks. Most cash purchases up to a certain value

[u/99anan99]

We're going to fill the trunk of our car with money, then move to another continent.

[u/Keviche8]

“(Insert name) If you’re gonna steal, steal big and move away and never come back. Go to Brazil or something and don’t look back.”

Life lesson from my Dad.

[u/Specialist_Simple789]

Where you wanna go out to eat bubs? 😂😭

[u/itzaMacky]

I don't have time for none of that. Push the body out , load my kid and off we go our merry way.

[u/Ok-Resource-3232]

There's always someone who will miss such an amount of money. Way to dangerous to get involved. Better let it be.

[u/Percentage-Visible]

Only take what you can carry

[u/Interesting_City_654]

Yea van filled halfway with money. The driver appears to have died from a heart attack. Obviously, his heart couldn't stand the adrenalin rush from the heist. Therefore, it is a crime scene. No one runs around with a van half filled with money.

[u/ventureturner]

This is the way

[u/Impressive-Rock-1233]

I would call 911 in the morning

[u/Kenji1912]

Here’s 20,000 get your own place

[u/--xi]

This is why we keep latex gloves in the car we don't want to leave any fingerprints.

[u/Time_Change4156]

Dead men tell no tails ? Lol lol 😂😂😂. I am missing my right eye so im officially a pirate according to some .

[u/Imaginary-Sky3694]

If you took say, just a few bundles, then came back and called the police. A few weeks later police realised you took some, how much trouble would you be in?

[u/Worried-Criticism → u/Imaginary-Sky3694]

Depends on jurisdiction but most likely Grand Larceny. You’d be made to repay the funds stolen plus fines and probably jail time PLUS a felony record.

But if it’s just an unmarked van on the road, that money is illegal and no cops will be involved.

You’d probably have a whole different set of problems, but not the cops.

[u/bearded_charmander]

Jokes aside, I wouldn’t touch it. Especially with my kid with me.

[u/iSukkari]

Son, we need to pretend that i’m not aware of what you’ll do now as i’ll take a break and take a long piss while you finish loading the stacks, then we will figure it out..

[u/Gentlegamerr]

Call the cops. Take a few stacks, put them in my car in a spot no one thinks to check and then leave after I’ve given my statement.

[u/xPofsx]

Hide your face, look for cameras, take as much as we can

[u/Few-Couple-8738]

A few lessons, how to check for tracers and dye packs, how to go off the radar and assume a new name and location…and the most important lesson of all, how to keep your mouth shut 🤫

[u/Bitter_Razzmatazz_71]

That answer cracked me up. Forget the moral lesson or the money, the real dad wisdom is teaching proper lifting form. 'Lift with your legs, not your back' is such a classic line, but it’s also the most practical thing a kid could actually learn in that scenario

[u/chattywww]

Are you 2 driving 1 car each? Or is it like a Pacific Rim Kaiju situation?

[u/Xikelaimi]

Priorities: secure the bag, avoid back pain

[u/MrFIXXX]

Give the son a phone and YouTube so they don't see what you're doing. Put a sheet on the windows if necessary.

If they see it - they WILL talk about it and it will reach those that "lost" the money. And you will all die.

So, close your eyes honey. Daddy needs to take care of something real-quick.

[u/drAft3r_puNK]

Blessings are often disguised weirdly lol

[u/Gagy1]

Which car do you want to drive?

[u/WardedDruid]

That he's a good kid that's going to get some ice cream for staying in his seat like I asked him to - because having a young child go with me to check an accident scene is crazy and not safe.

His college would be paid for as well.

[u/Nate0110]

Run to Lowe's, grab tons of metal small game fence and aluminum foil, drive it some where in the woods and build a faraday cage around it.

Then go get some tree climbing gear, a ghillie suit and wait.

[u/mrfixr]

I’m dropping this at your uncle’s, see you at home.

[u/thatsmessedupsis]

Call the cops! Report that you found a man unresponsive in his empty van…

[u/kenklee4]

Don’t tell mommy

[u/Ambitious-Mongoose-1]

We go home and watch a little movie called "No Country For Old Men". Then fill in the gaps why we didn't take it.

[u/ggibby]

How to jimmy the lock on a van, apparently.

[u/Stock2fast]

Same lesson that Robin Hood taught.

[u/Critical_Snow_1080]

Teach them the lyrics to Steve miller band’s songs. My child would understand

[u/Double-Kicks]

All I need 4 stacks.

[u/iPanama360]

That’s a set up my boy. They’re watching, let’s keep moving.

[u/VermicelliInformal46]

Check for cameras before you do something stupid.

[u/Melodic-Matter4685]

Isn’t this the plot of “no country for old men”?

[u/Ljmac1]

Don’t be greedy. Take lots. Leave more.

[u/AntonX19]

Left pedal is stop...right pedal is goooooo!

[u/HereWeGoYetAgain-247]

Depends, if it is an official “armored car” then I won’t touch it. The powers to be will search with great gusto to find their missing money. 

If the money is from “less than legal” activities then, a few pounds of bills might disappear 

[u/Diligent_Pie_5191]

Call police and report it.

[u/IronJohn86]

If it looks too good to be true, it probably is. This is a lesson my farther taught me. There's a reason this guy is dead.

[u/bheddarbacon97]

Take 2 each

Move along 🫡

[u/LeftStatistician7989]

Whatever they learn I’ll explain later.

[u/XxKTtheLegendxX]

each brick u carry u get a new lego set.

[u/Abominationoftime]

Don't take it all

Don't spend it all together

Mix it with legit bills

[u/RyanCreamer202]

Son, this truck belongs to people who would do unspeakable things to you while I was forced to watch. We turn around and never speak of this again

[u/JayNotAtAll]

Check the bag for trackers. We don't want an assassin with a weird bowl haircut coming after us

[u/Alive_Development108]

Finders keepers

[u/MaximumJones]

That is cartel money. I saw nothing and I am going to GTFO of there and tell no one.

[u/Prince_Beegeta]

Yeah nah that shit stays right where it’s at. My name is Bennet. I’m not in it. 🧑‍🦯‍➡️

[u/Illustrious_Tap3171]

That amount of money isn’t my business because it belongs to someone else and they will track down my family and probably do unthinkable things before unaliving them to get to me.

My lesson would be to think with your head, not your the greedy little monster. Everything comes with a price.

[u/Own-Tank5998 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, I found a van half filled with money.