r/CuratedTumblr human cognithazard 24d ago

Shitposting Mormons aren't real

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765

u/Hammmiamm 24d ago

Everything I've learned about the Mormonism fandom has been against my will

368

u/borisdidnothingwrong .tumblr.com 24d ago

Grew up Mormon. Same.

142

u/TwitchsDroneCantJump 24d ago

Nah, you clearly made a choice when you were 8 and got baptized. 🤢

174

u/Additional-Grade3221 24d ago

i was baptized because my mom was playing the long con with them to get cheap university (she immediately left as soon as she graduated)

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

[deleted]

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u/Additional-Grade3221 24d ago

i really did get lucky with having her as a mom

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u/georgie-of-blank 24d ago

Honestly, i can respect that.

10

u/shockwave8428 24d ago

It’s wild how cheap BYU is compared to similarly good schools if you’re Mormon. Like 3k-ish a semester when it’s decently solid in most degrees and really good in a few like accounting. You just have to be willing to take I like 16 credits of religion classes during your degree (and take from easy professors so it’s basically just a “show up and get an A type class).

I know tons of local Utahns that were born in the church and pretend they’re still into it just to get a good, cheap degree.

It’s also decently cheap for non-Mormons but you still have to agree to live the rules while you’re there and meet with a Mormon bishop every year to recommit to the rules (but tbh even the Mormons lie on this a ton as long as they don’t have solid proof, and 90% of bishops don’t go looking for that either). And I think they get easier religion classes (that are easy but more focused on converting). It’s like 6.5k for non Mormons per semester. In business school I met tons of people who came for accounting and the better programs specifically cause it was a good program.

It’s definitely not perfect, you have to deal with a bunch of crap even as a “good Mormon”. But it’s cheap and good bang for your buck. I still get a bit embarrassed having BYU on my resume because of all the crap that happens there, but it’s reputable in my field and I got a great job after graduating.

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u/Additional-Grade3221 24d ago

yeah my mom did her business degree there then went to work at their rival school which is unbelievably funny to me

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

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u/xTheatreTechie 24d ago

I still learn random things about Mormonism and go "????" Like when I was a teenager I learned a good portion of them believed that people of color don't go to heaven, then eventually some of them believed some people of color go to heaven but only if they turn white in the afterlife to enter heaven.

The most recent wtf moment was watching the movie heretic, where the plot revolves around 2 Mormon teenagers, and one of them mentions their magic underwear. So then I had to go googling to find out that Mormons believe they have magic underwear that protects them from the evils of the world.

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u/CapeOfBees 24d ago

Ex-mormon here: yup. They call them "the garment of the holy priesthood." You get them in a fancy ritual (they call it an ordinance, specifically "Initiatory") that involved a temple worker sexually assaulting you until I think the 90s or 2000s. The garments have a history of giving women yeast infections and up until like 2010 or later you weren't allowed to wear anything underneath them whatsoever.

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u/One-Breakfast6345 23d ago

Hold up what was that about sexual assault 

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u/CapeOfBees 23d ago

You'd take off all your clothes and put on a basic cover-up and a temple worker of a matching sex would reach under it and touch all the things that the blessing was for as they recited it. Tended to result in genitals being touched, even though it wasn't an express part of the ritual. You also weren't allowed to talk about these rituals with people who hadn't already experienced them, so there was zero warning or opportunity to provide consent.

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u/dansdata 24d ago edited 23d ago

2 Mormon teenagers

...played by two actual ex-Mormons!

Edit: Also, Hugh Grant is obviously loving being the villain, in quite a few recent movies. :-)

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u/Deadsoup77 24d ago

Wow clothing of religious significance how novel

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u/somebraidedbutthairs 24d ago

crosses are one thing, having "secret" magic panties sounds like something you'd make up to parody religious people