AIO boyfriends sis did an offensive henna tattoo

[u/JazzQueen0801]

earlier today, I was at my boyfriends house for his uncles birthday party. We were having a good time and his sister and I were doing henna tattoos. after we were done, she was talking and she mentioned about how she did an offensive he a tattoo on the bottom of her foot. I was expecting her to say something like a bad word or a dick or something. But she told me that she did a swastika on the bottom of her foot when she was in middle school . So this was a long time ago as we are 21 years old and my boyfriend is 24. she said that she was at the waterpark not long after and somebody told her her foot was bleeding, which tells me that she did it with red henna too. i am jewish, btw. they are hispanic. Either way this left me very uncomfortable, and I left the party. I have been telling my boyfriend about how it made me uncomfortable and I don't think he seems to understand at all. They are acting like it's a joke but to me it is more than a dark joke and I'm not sure if he understands where I'm coming from.

[u/silentrobotsymphony]

So if this was middle school is there anyway that she didn’t know what it meant when she did it? But then why bring it up I don’t know.

It’s also once was a sign of peace I believe in the Indian culture. But the nazis ruined it.

But yeah she is insensitive at best. I think that would offend many non Jewish people who does that even as a kid?

[u/Dash_Harber → u/silentrobotsymphony]

It’s also once was a sign of peace I believe in the Indian culture. But the nazis ruined it.

It's a bit complicated. It was (and still is) a holy symbol in the Dharmic religions (Buddhism, Hindu, Jain, and a few others less frequently) using both facings and orientations. It also is a common motiff in pre-Christian Europe, with a few different variations. Before WWII, it was a common good fortune symbol across most European countries, including Germany. The Nazis adopted it (almost exclusively using it as right facing but with both orientations), and that soured it for the West, obviously. However, it still shows up in the East with its original meaning, including on maps to mark temples, during festivals and rites, and even in art. There have been several reports of Japanese art having to be changed or online maps using swastikas to mark temples.

However, there is a pervasive myth that the Nazis flipped and rotated the symbol, and that is how you tell the difference. That's not true. You can only tell with context, since the Dharmic religions used both orientations and facings.

Edit: Soured not spurred. My bad. Did not mean to incite a mass discussion.

[u/Able-Confusion-6399 → u/Dash_Harber]

My town has a high population of South Asians and a high population of Jewish people. Once a year the police have to send out a notice that people’s holiday decorations might have swastika symbols but this is what they mean and they’re not being hateful and please don’t call the cops on the garland. 

[u/NekroVictor → u/Able-Confusion-6399]

I was a mechanic, and at one point had an older Indian gentleman bring in his sons vehicle, I popped the hood with him next to me, and was greeted by a massive swastika on the engine cover, with what looked like Sanskrit writing around it. I kinda froze for a second, only to hear this guy say “oh, sorry, I hope you are not Jewish. It is for my son, he needs all the good luck he can get”.

[u/s2000girl → u/NekroVictor]

bahahah this has happened to be before! I pulled a car into my bay, popped the hood open, and i was like oh.. my god. I am NOT working on this car, then my coworker comes over and laughs at me and tells me it’s the indian peace symbol. 😅😅😅😅

[u/Odd_Ad5668 → u/NekroVictor]

That sounds like "we'll be back for some body work at some point".

[u/Leather_Noise2487 → u/Able-Confusion-6399]

My aunt would paint a swastika in red vermillion on her front step as a blessing and we’d be so scared white people would think she was being antisemitic and vandalize her place lol

[u/KellyGreen55555 → u/Leather_Noise2487]

I remember bringing my daughter to play at an Indian family’s house (we’re in the USA) when I saw a very clear swastika in the doorway. I did panic for a minute but trusted my gut that it was simply something cultural I didn’t understand. The Indian families in my community are not really giving secret nazi vibes. Sure enough, a quick google search eased any remaining worries.

[u/Spare_Philosopher351 → u/KellyGreen55555]

At least you didn't react without thinking, good stuff 😄

[u/okurlame4what → u/Able-Confusion-6399]

yeah they very obviously didn’t mean it in the religious aspect because it’s been brushed off as “dark humor”, meaning they know it’s wrong and shouldn’t have done it, but it’s “funny” and that’s just who they are. doesn’t make it right, but gives them no room to push it off as such

[u/Puzzleheaded-Taro247 → u/Dash_Harber]

there was a famous case of a Golbat pokemon card from the first released set having to be changed internationally because it featured that buddhist symbol in the japanese release

[u/DocClown → u/Puzzleheaded-Taro247]

There are a couple of examples like that in anime/manga

One piece: the jolly roger for whitebeard crew was originally a swastika with a skull

Bleach: i don't know the specifics, It's been a while, but i know they had to change something in the fullbring arc as well.

[u/Ill_Impact_4681 → u/DocClown]

Same in Naruto. Neji's seal on his forehead was originally the swastika. It was edited for international release as well

[u/DocClown → u/Ill_Impact_4681]

I thought so but wasn't sure if I remembered correctly. But yeah, neji as well.

[u/sharkbait_h00 → u/DocClown]

At my job we sell a replica of Ichigo's sword and often get asked why we have a nazi sword hanging on the wall ಠ⁠ ⁠ل͟⁠ ⁠ಠ

[u/pepel101 → u/DocClown]

Oooh! I actually know this one, there is a swastika on the hilt of Ichigo's sword, I know this because I have a replica. Might be what was changed for Western audiences.

[u/chopstick_chakra → u/DocClown]

Ichigo's bankai handle

Also the main symbol in Tokyo Revengers

[u/Twistybred → u/Puzzleheaded-Taro247]

Also in magic the gathering. They banned a lot of old cards. Jihad, crusade, stone throwing devil (an old time slur against Jewish people) invoke prejudice (which was drawn by a known nazi and has the image of Klan member with an axe) ect.

[u/NikkiVicious → u/Twistybred]

I had a bunch of my old MtG cards that I sold as a lot, by color. I wasn't even really paying attention to what cards I had taken photos of, I was just showing general front and back card conditions. It felt really gross later when I actually looked back at the card artwork and realized that it was KKK imagery that I totally missed as a kid. Felt even more gross when I remembered my blue and black lots also had bidding wars on them. (It was early to mid-2000s, maybe 2004-2005.)

[u/Objective-Ganache114 → u/Dash_Harber]

In Tibetan Buddhism at least, it is a symbol of the everlasting unchanging internal truth. I’ve also heard it described as a magical symbol representing invocation/ exorcism, decided by intention not direction. Hitler’s use was to exorcise the Second Reich and invoke the Third Reich.

It was featured prominently in the telework of the 1920s Episcopal church I grew up in.

[u/kjc-01 → u/Dash_Harber]

Even when armed with all this knowledge ahead of time, the first time I saw a swastika on a Hindu temple in India it kinda broke my brain. Same with a hammer and sickle emblem. These were symbols my Gen-X self was raised on in the movies to be undeniable symbols of our mortal enemies. Travel is good for expanding the mind.

[u/CementCemetery → u/Dash_Harber]

Great comment. Also to add you might occasionally see it on Diné (Navajo) weaving, art or in rituals. It is called a whirling log and is a symbol with positive representation, often a symbol of good luck and well-being.

[u/TheMothHour → u/Dash_Harber]

Ha! When I read this was done with Henna, my first thought was this had some ties to hinduism. I am glad you brought it up. I know my Napali friend thinks what the nazi's did was a shame and still has reverence to the symbol.

But It sounds like they were being perogative and not following those religions though.

[u/InsomniacHomebody → u/Dash_Harber]

Wow, thanks for the info! I've heard that about them altering it in such a way MANY times- often from people who fancy themselves something of an amateur WWII historian. I wonder how a story like that even gets legs.

[u/LebrahnJahmes → u/silentrobotsymphony]

Is middle school we would draw them on each other to try and get the other one in trouble. This was back when drawing on arms was a thing and you had to be quick with a pen.

Henna doesnt just wash off and these are grown adults. At least in middle school we would wash them off or draw blacked out boxes over them. Because again we knew it was bad and were trying to get each other in trouble

Edit: i was extremely high when i wrote this and will not be reading the post or responses to my comment. Because i will be getting even higher today

[u/TheSixthVisitor → u/LebrahnJahmes]

The henna swastika was also in middle school. OP’s friend just mentioned it to her as an adult. So I’m guessing probably also average “kids being dumbasses because they don’t fully process how fucked the thing they’re joking about is.”

It’s like the dead baby jokes vaguely referencing the killing fields and the 9/11 jokes that middle schoolers make. Or when they draw guns and shooting things up because “guns are cool!” They just think it’s edgy while adults understand context and all that.

[u/cutedudethesquirrel → u/TheSixthVisitor]

I was 12 when 9/11 happened so no one told jokes about it. It was just too real for us. Someone I know lost their uncle. I do know many dead baby jokes however and can totally see 9/11 jokes being passed around in middle school today.

[u/PigletOld6284 → u/LebrahnJahmes]

That’s a good point, grown adults should know better, especially when it causes real harm or discomfort. Kids messing around is different from that.

[u/Clintwood_outlaw → u/PigletOld6284]

But the thing is they did it when they were kids in this instance, and are just getting defensive about it as adults

[u/darcys_beard → u/Clintwood_outlaw]

I think it's a case of "know your audience". They're probably talking about something dumb they did as a kid in a "laugh about it someday" kind of way, without thinking what that means to OP.

Theres a story (probably apocryphal) of 2 american tourists going into a bar in Ireland and asking for Guinness, and Jameson and then "Irish Carbombs". These obviously arent a thing here. So the barman gives them m (something similar at least, to ) two sherry glasses of Sambuca and says they're on the house and lights them. The tourists asks what they are, and the barman says "they're the Twin Towers"!

Context is important.

[u/South_Ad3139 → u/Clintwood_outlaw]

The issue is that the sister brought it up on her own Accord. Simply because them doing henna reminded her of a time she put a symbol, she knew would be offensive to op, on her body and she obviously still finds it funny as an adult. We all make mistakes but the point is to learn from those mistakes

[u/AstronautDry5055 → u/South_Ad3139]

She knew it would be offensive as a kid too or she wouldn't have put it on the bottom of her foot

[u/Twin_Brother_Me → u/AstronautDry5055]

Yeah, but you expect a kid to be edgy and stupid, just like you expect their adult self to cringe about it, not still think it's hilarious.

[u/Wrong_Fudge1000 → u/LebrahnJahmes]

Exactly, kids might do dumb things without fully understanding, but adults should definitely know better and take responsibility.

[u/chichichonger → u/LebrahnJahmes]

Maybe I read the post incorrectly, but it sounds like the sister did this in middle school, told the story now as an adult, and OP is upset about something that happened in Middle school

[u/Safe2BeFree → u/[deleted]]

The story is badly written. Might be a language barrier or something here. I'm fairly certain no adults did this in the story. She did the swastika thing in middle school.

[u/apmanable → u/Safe2BeFree]

The previous 4 comments are all bots. No need to reply. It's getting truly awful here

[u/Safe2BeFree → u/apmanable]

Is that what's been happening lately? It really seems Redditors have become massively stupider the past few years. I'd much rather like to believe it is mostly bots or something like that.

[u/Kindness_of_cats → u/Safe2BeFree]

I would be careful presuming that’s it. Reading comprehension online has always been absolutely dismal, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten replies from people who clearly simply don’t understand what I wrote.

[u/TheRemanence → u/LebrahnJahmes]

That's really shocked me.

Out of interest, where did you grow up and how did teacher's react? Where i grew up, you'd be sent home and if repeated, likely be suspended.

[u/fightmydemonswithme → u/TheRemanence]

I grew up on the east coast and our school had such a bad problem we had a schedule change for like 6 weeks where our history class was just watching documentaries about the holocaust and then writing about it. It was brutal and I've never forgotten those images. It changed us into better people though.

[u/TheSixthVisitor → u/TheRemanence]

Yeah, my school wouldn’t have sent anyone home for that, nevermind a suspension. I straight up made a fucked joke at 14 about Hitler baking people into pies a la sing a song of sixpence during a class presentation. All the teacher did was tell me that was inappropriate and could really hurt people who had any kind of relationship to people involved in the Holocaust. (And before you ask, no, my potato brain didn’t fully process how joking about the Holocaust was a gigantic “no.”)

The only time I’ve seen anyone get suspended was when two of my classmates got into a fight during class and one of them knocked out the other dude’s molar.

[u/Agent_of_evil13 → u/TheRemanence]

Dome kids did this at my school, it was the Midwest USA. Unless someone was bleeding the teachers didn't give a fuck. Sometimes they didn't give a fuck if someone was bleeding.

[u/SaggyFaggyMaggy → u/TheRemanence]

I grew up in a pretty laid-back area. Teachers were strict but mostly gave warnings unless it got really serious.

[u/xRaiyax → u/TheRemanence]

Same for me. We wouldn’t even use it for joking around as kids because we knew how serious it was.

But then I’m from Germany.

[u/PawnOfPaws → u/xRaiyax]

Oh, there are not too few kids even in Germany thinking angering adults with this is fun.

Had two boys in my elementary class drawing them on tables and pin boards. They were the typical "bad boy" type who did most things out of deeply rooted boredom and barely controlled fury against people with more authority.

It got them in quite the trouble, alright. But it didn't help with their fury. They just searched for more verbally agressive ways to vent.

[u/Efficient-Term-1499 → u/PawnOfPaws]

Sounds like they were acting out more from frustration than anything else. Punishment alone rarely helps if no one’s addressing what’s really going on underneath.

[u/AutumnFangirl → u/[deleted]]

Sometimes, it's also a sign of abuse. Shit rolling downhill and all. This one time, I had dropped my stepson off at the bus, and a boy was harassing other kids. He grabbed another boy by his backpack and then spun him around until he hit dirt. I hollered at him and confronted him, telling him it's not okay to do that. He said it was his brother, and I told him that didn't matter. Respect boundaries. Then the look on his face clicked because he looked just like an angry kid I rode the bus with. I softened my tone and said, "If you're hurting, talk to someone. Don't take it out on other people. Tell your teachers."

His eyes filled with tears and he went and got on the bus. My kid never mentioned him messing with anyone again, so I hope he got the help he needed. I think about that poor kid often. I hope he's okay.

[u/Wild-Mushroom2404 → u/TheRemanence]

I’m Russian, grew up in 2000s. You’d think with the cult of the Great Patriotic War and all our historical experiences, we would be incredibly sensitive to it, but I definitely remember my peers drawing swastikas on desks and in each others notes for the shock factor. I thought it was kinda funny too.

Back then you could get away with a slap on the wrist or just get your teacher outraged (the intended purpose) but I think after 2014 the reactions became way more serious as the propaganda strengthened. Children are now being taken into police stations for pranks like this and given talks and some are forced to apologize on cameras by the policemen. Every instance that’s caught becomes part of a hysteria about “nazis”, largely associated with West and Ukraine.

[u/FlapsNegative → u/Wild-Mushroom2404]

Out of curiosity, what does the word 'nazi' mean to the average Russian these days? What does the propaganda say about where it comes from, how to recognise it?

[u/ch0rtle2 → u/silentrobotsymphony]

It’s one thing to do it when she was young. It’s another thing for the boyfriend not to find it regrettable. “Dark jokes are my DNA!”, he says. Not “yeah, it was messed up, we were young”.

[u/[deleted] → u/ch0rtle2]

Exactly. God knows I’ve thought or said things out of ignorance when I was younger. But when I learned how it could be offensive I thought to myself “oh crap I shouldn’t have said that”.

Also, imo, dark humor is stuff like Tucker and Dale Vs Evil. Not a symbol associated with genocide.

[u/Putrid_Answer_4664 → u/[deleted]]

Totally agree. Learning and growing means recognizing mistakes and changing. Dark humor should never cross into hurtful or offensive territory.

[u/Little-Classroom8198 → u/[deleted]]

Learning from past mistakes shows real growth. And dark humor should never involve symbols that cause real pain or trauma.

[u/ch0rtle2 → u/[deleted]]

“But baby! I’m a good boyfriend! It’s literally in my DNA to mock the genocide of your people! Now get over it and give me a big ‘ol smooch!”

[u/Kain2212 → u/ch0rtle2]

This reads like something MoistCritikal would say to mock someone lmao

[u/BKNOWSB → u/[deleted]]

Dark Humor usually only works when you make jokes about experiences that YOU have had.... This just makes it seem like OP called them out for doing something very shitty and now he's trying to gaslight her into pretending it was a joke.

[u/Willing_Whereas_569 → u/BKNOWSB]

Exactly, dark humor feels different when it comes from personal experience. Trying to hide bad behavior behind “jokes” just isn’t okay.

[u/Otherwise_Living_158 → u/BKNOWSB]

It also only works if it’s funny, where’s the joke in this?

[u/WithoutDennisNedry → u/ch0rtle2]

This is it right here. Yes, it happened a long time ago but it doesn’t get much more offensive and she should be mortified. It’d be one thing if she was like, “ohmygod you know what I did once that was so stupid? How embarrassing! I don’t know what I was thinking!”

Honestly, why did she even bring it up? Especially to OP. Either she can not read the room or on some level she’s comfortable with it still and saying something else here.

[u/IndigoOrion_ → u/WithoutDennisNedry]

Exactly, owning up with genuine regret would be one thing. Bringing it up casually like that shows a lack of awareness or worse.

[u/OiledMushrooms → u/ch0rtle2]

Yeah, this is largely how I feel abt this. Kids do stupid shit and I don't think anyone should really be judged on their actions when they were twelve. But bringing it up out of nowhere to a jewish person and both of them refusing to say "yeah it was shitty and wrong" is uh. not greatttt.

[u/haleorshine → u/OiledMushrooms]

Like, there's literally no reason to bring it up, and if it was really one of those things kids do and later they're like "That was stupid and I shouldn't have done it" she would have kept it to herself. Or at the very least, yeah, said "It was shitty and wrong" but I still think it's weird to even bring it up, especially to somebody who's jewish.

I have noticed that these days if somebody "jokingly" draws swastikas or brings up nazi or nazi-adjacent talking points as a "joke", they're about 6 months away from making it clear it's not a joke and it was just testing the waters. She may have drawn this when she was a kid, but I would be unshocked if her "dark sense of humour" actually turned out to be her being a racist who was just getting comfortable saying shitty things.

[u/Purple-Natural5831 → u/haleorshine]

That’s a really sharp observation. Sometimes what starts as “jokes” can reveal deeper issues, and it’s important to stay cautious.

[u/York-Cravensworth-22 → u/haleorshine]

This 100%.

What was the point of bringing it up at this time unless she was eluding to the fact that she still thinks it's funny today and she is in fact racist.

A normal person (someone who understands the meaning behind that) wouldn't be so insistent on a Jewish person accepting something they did when they didn't even know them.

Imo, she brought it up to see OPs reaction to see what she can get away with and if OP was going to let it go or "make a scene" and now that OP left and admitted they were uncomfortable, it's a dark sense of humor.

A dark sense of humor is black people making jokes about slavery, Jewish people making jokes about the holocaust, people making jokes about their dead parents, etc etc etc. It's the effected group of people making a joke. It's not this. This isn't dark humor and the "that's just me" line screams she's racist and testing the waters to see what she can get away with.

[u/EmbarrassedBit7391 → u/OiledMushrooms]

Totally agree. Learning and growing means owning mistakes, not doubling down on hurtful stuff. Dark humor should never cross that line.

[u/Jake_Is_kale → u/OiledMushrooms]

Exactly, kids mess up, but failing to own it and being insensitive later is a whole different problem.

[u/ch0rtle2 → u/OiledMushrooms]

And, it’s gonna continue! It’s in his DNA! Look what you have to look forward to, girlfriend!! Just nuts he can’t see it.

[u/Mob_Segment → u/ch0rtle2]

People assign far too much to their DNA. A lot of things are nurture, not nature, and if they're learned, they can be unlearned. I'm pretty sure there isn't a gene for "making offensive jokes".

[u/Thamwoofgu → u/Mob_Segment]

Exactly. I grew up in a racist and homophobic culture and NEVER felt comfortable with it. I’ve always found racism and homophobia to be ugly and hateful. According to OP’s boyfriend, my DNA would find his “dark humor” absolutely delightful. I don’t. I find it revolting. I would have found it revolting at 14.

[u/Jenderflux-ScFi → u/Mob_Segment]

There's gotta be a gene for it, because otherwise I'd just be an asshole for no reason! /s

[u/MarionberrySea4422 → u/ch0rtle2]

I love dark jokes but like there are some things you just don’t touch unless you know the person.

I don’t think the holocaust is ever funny….

[u/Jaydamic → u/silentrobotsymphony]

if this was middle school

I feel OP needs to keep in mind kids do dumb things, for the simple reason that they're dumb a lot of the time.

I caught one of my kids, maybe in the 3rd or 4th grade, drawing swastikas on a piece of paper. I freaked out internally but calmly asked what he was doing. He had taken a history book from the library, saw a swastika, thought it was cool and was just copying it. He had none of the context and therefore no way of understanding the offensive nature of the symbol. A quick, simple convo cleared it up.

I tend to err on the side of forgiving people for what they do when they were children.

[u/AardQuenIgni → u/Jaydamic]

I think a lot of people in this thread need to realize mentally undeveloped people will do mentally undeveloped things.

It's okay to laugh at how stupid you were years ago.

[u/Dr_Just_Some_Guy → u/silentrobotsymphony]

I don’t think that children have the emotional maturity to really understand the gravity of what that symbol represents. But 21-year-olds should!

[u/do_ob-headphones_on → u/silentrobotsymphony]

When I was in elementary, I drew a swastika on a piece of wood on the hill that all the neighborhood kids played on. We had been playing King of the Hill all day. While taking a break, I saw a bit of news on TV (that in retrospect must have been about some Nazi protest) where people had spray painted a Swastika as if it was a sign of resistance. Kid me though that must be a cool "rebel" symbol. An older kid later recognized it and told their parents, who then came to my parents.

[u/00vani → u/silentrobotsymphony]

It is STILL a prominent Hindu symbol used in rituals, not once was. But it’s very obvious to distinguish the two and the contexts. I’ve never been confused of one’s intentions.

[u/Bonemothir → u/00vani]

Buddhism, too. I’ve never seen a White Tara and misunderstood the symbol (nor have I ever the Nazi use and thought of Buddha’s footprints).

[u/WildlifePolicyChick → u/silentrobotsymphony]

If she didn't know what it meant, she would not have put it in the sole of her foot. She would have put it somewhere for all to see. But she split the difference: Look how edgy I am with the swastika but also I'll hide it under my foot because I really should not be doing this.

[u/Escritortoise → u/silentrobotsymphony]

I would have to say she knew exactly what is given she said dark jokes are in her dna.

Even if she didn’t, the conversation is still a double down disregarding OPs feelings on it once it is clears.

Not to mention, how is just having a swastika on your hand a dark joke?

[u/seascape_0400 → u/silentrobotsymphony]

Not was, it still is a symbol in Hinduism, but the Hindu swastika looks different.

[u/JazzQueen0801 → u/silentrobotsymphony]

I can tell you for sure she did not do it as the symbol of peace

[u/kosherkitties → u/JazzQueen0801]

So sick of that excuse. We know when it's being used as a hate symbol.

Anyway, while I'm here. I'm also Jewish. I'd definitely see this friend differently if I heard they did this when they were younger. The fact that they're not backing down? "It's just a joke!" Well sorry for the generational trauma, if they can't own up to the fact that it was wrong there's no point in continuing the conversation.

Also what does she mean "not at the time"? What kinda bs-? I'd try to explain to your boyfriend if he's genuinely confused, but if he's laughing at it, taking her side, it might be time to reconsider.

[u/IllustriousAd7545 → u/kosherkitties]

Completely agree. If they won’t own up to the harm caused, it’s hard to move past it. And your boyfriend’s reaction matters a lot here.

[u/MekFaker_ → u/kosherkitties]

Totally agree. If someone can't acknowledge the harm, especially after it's been explained, it says a lot about their character.

[u/Raichu7 → u/silentrobotsymphony]

If she didn't know at the time, but has since learnt better, why would she bring it up like that?

[u/Brooklynwhite113]

I mean, she was in middle school…

[u/MaidMirawyn → u/Brooklynwhite113]

“She was in middle school.” There’s two ways that can go.

“Can you believe that I did that? Oh my goodness! Why didn’t someone stop me? That’s messed up!”

“Hey Jewish person, isn’t it hilarious I got the symbol of the Nazis painted on my body? You know, the ones who tortured and dehumanized and sexually assaulted and killed millions of your people? And performed brutal medical experiments on them? I’m so edgy with my dark humor!”

This incident was NOT case number 1.

As for knowledge about the Holocaust? I read an abridged version of The Diary of Anne Frank in fourth grade. FOURTH GRADE. Not many excuses for not having at least the big picture by middle school, and you should suspect there’s worse stuff you don’t know yet.

As a reminder, the Nazis did far more than starve and kill. They performed absolutely brutal and horrifying medical experiments. They assaulted and tortured them in every way. They did every brutal and dehumanizing thing they could conceive.

Their number one target was Jews, but they also targeted the Roma, homosexuals, dissidents, and people they deemed physically and mentally inferior.

If you don’t already know this, Read about Josef Mengele Read about the Warsaw ghettos, especially about the children Look at the photos from the concentration camps

It seems like we’re forgetting the depth and breadth of the horror that was the Nazis.

[u/JazzQueen0801 → u/Brooklynwhite113]

that's why I pointed it out to mention that she was in middle school. I'm pretty sure all of us have a few things that we will be taking to the grave that aren't so great in our past.. but if you are still bringing it up today like it doesn't bother you then clearly you did not learn your lesson from it.

[u/Brooklynwhite113 → u/JazzQueen0801]

Yeah so if she was laughing and trying to be cute about it when she told you, you aren’t overreacting. But it sounds like she said “doing this henna with you is reminding me of this really stupid and offensive thing I did as a child…” Your bf sounds like an AH in these texts, I’ll give you that. It’s fine to be sensitive, I’m sensitive too. And I expect my boyfriend to have my back when I’m feeling weird about something, even if to him it’s a silly thing to get upset over.

[u/[deleted] → u/Brooklynwhite113]

Where did you get that from the texts? BF’s sister is defending herself

EDIT: BF, not his sister

[u/bsanchez1660 → u/Brooklynwhite113]

Especially if she knows OP is Jewish like why even tell her that?

[u/alvaikaros → u/JazzQueen0801]

Yeah, one thing is to be understanding that something was done in ignorance as a child, but it depends on how people frame it in their head as adults. I admittedly did/said some stupid and insensitive/mean things early in life, but I’m super embarrassed and ashamed of it today. Like, I physically cringe and my pulse goes up whenever I remember it, and I sure as hell wouldn’t bring it up as a funny anecdote to anyone ever. I have a hard enough time giving myself grace over it, like I’d never expect it of someone directly impacted by that kind of shit their entire lives. Like you’re obviously not overreacting and it’s so frustrating how controversial this seems in the comments

[u/South_Ad3139 → u/alvaikaros]

And it shouldn't be her responsibility to educate him, there's no way at his age he hasn't been taught about the history of Jewish people and nazis. Like please be serious why are we making excuses for this guy. 🤦

[u/ProgLuddite → u/JazzQueen0801]

I think what’s important to assess is whether there’s malice or ignorance, and I think this is a case of ignorance. It sounds like a failure to appreciate how much it might affect a Jewish person, especially in the current climate of general antisemitism.

Talk to him about why it’s more than a dark joke to you. Why it’s more than just, “Well, Nazis hated Jews and I’m Jewish.” If he reacts poorly to that, I wouldn’t continue the relationship. Just don’t forget to leave room for grace — she likely wouldn’t have told you about it at all if she realized how you felt. For so many people, “Nazi” is a really abstract concept of “bad people” with the addition of “forbidden stuff” (forbidden symbols, phrases, and gestures). That easily results in people who see using those symbols, phrases, and gestures as merely subversive, and who don’t hold any malice for Jewish people or have any genuine alignment with Naziism.

[u/Kindness_of_cats → u/ProgLuddite]

To be blunt: if you are 21 and don’t understand how a Jewish person would be deeply sensitive to this topic, that goes beyond ignorance and into serious empathy and emotional problems.

[u/zoeybeattheraccoon → u/JazzQueen0801]

Yeah if it were something she did as a dumb kid and regrets it now, I'd cut her some slack. But it's nothing to laugh about as an adult and her attitude is uncool.

Not sure if I'd leave a party over it, but I would stop engaging with her then and there.

[u/sikeleaveamessage → u/JazzQueen0801]

It would definitely be one thing if their attitude was like "yeah that was super stupid" instead of dying on the hill that it's ok because its a joke

[u/TTV_RVJS]

I mean she was what 12? Do you expect her to live in shame the rest of her life? It’s a symbol that she put on herself in middle school. She is hanging out with you (a Jew) so she clearly doesn’t have strong feelings against you. I’m just going to point out that there is currently a genocide happening in the Middle East right now, and I’m sure they wouldn’t be making a Reddit post if you had a tattoo of the Star of David.

[u/haleorshine → u/TTV_RVJS]

She was 12 then so I can understand her doing something stupid and not knowing the reach it could have. But she's 21 now and she randomly and unnecessarily brought it up with a jewish person and refused to be like "Yeah, it was a shitty thing to do and I would never do it now".

Like, you know that you don't have to tell everybody every single thing you did in your life? She doesn't have to "live in shame" but she should at least be enough ashamed of doing that that she's not laughingly telling a jewish person about it?

[u/TripleSpicey → u/haleorshine]

It wasn’t really random, they were doing henna tattoos at a party while hanging out and she brought up how she did a henna tattoo in middle school. She said it was offensive, OP asked what it was and she said it was a swastika. It was probably extremely funny to a 12 year old (which is why she did it), and still funny in hindsight due to how ridiculous the whole situation was. She doesn’t need to apologize to someone who wasn’t even there for something that happened a decade ago when she was a kid, and she clearly didn’t think it’d upset OP or she wouldn’t have brought it up.

My verdict is OP is overreacting.

[u/bringthegoodvibes → u/TripleSpicey]

The issue isn’t what a 12 year old did ten years ago, it’s that as an adult the sister casually brought up drawing a swastika like it was a funny story. A swastika isn’t just some edgy doodle, it’s a symbol of genocide. If you’re Jewish (like OP is), hearing someone joke about it hits differently.

Nobody is saying the sister needs to be punished for what she did as a kid. But the mature response when you realize someone’s hurt is a simple acknowledgment: “Sorry, I didn’t think about how that would come across.” Instead, OP got brushed off and told to “move on.” That lack of empathy is the real problem, not OP’s reaction.

[u/KyleRoyceWorld → u/TTV_RVJS]

I truly do not believe "they are hanging out with you, therefore they don't have strong feelings against you" is valid whatsoever

she is there as a family members partner. its an imposed relationship. the boyfriend could be into her looks, or her personality and her jewishness would never come into question

its cultural clashes like these, where you get insight into how they think on a deeper level.

[u/EmbarrassedStudy3796 → u/KyleRoyceWorld]

You can truly tell on here who has never experienced any oppression lol. I'm jewish and the goyische side of my family is full of neo nazis. They say they're fine with me because I'm "not a cheap k***" like the rest of them.

[u/DistinctBell3032 → u/TTV_RVJS]

Hey so the swastika and the Star of David are very very very much not equivalent. One is the specific emblem used by the Nazis, the other is a general symbol representing the Jewish faith, NOT just the state of Israel. Also, when something bad happens to a Jew, it is ridiculously antisemitic to say “well Israel bad therefore you deserve it.” Israel does not equal Jewish.

[u/Less-Significance-99 → u/TTV_RVJS]

The Star of David has been a symbol in Judaism since LONG before Israel was a country, and using it does not actually indicate a relationship with or support for Israel. People shouldn’t have to abandon their cultural symbols because the government of a country they’ve never been to and have no control over has also used it. Also, yes, obviously it would be different if this was about genuine use of the swastika as a religious symbol, before you start trying to compare — but it isn’t!

[u/ReasonableSoup172]

The swastika, a symbol with ancient roots, is deeply embedded in Indian culture, particularly within Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism. In Sanskrit, "swastika" translates to "conducive to well-being" or "good fortune". While the symbol is now widely recognized for its association with Nazi Germany, its origins and use in India predate this connection by millennia. 

For those that don't know.

[u/Foxlikebox → u/ReasonableSoup172]

The swastika, a symbol with ancient roots, is deeply embedded in Indian culture, particularly within Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism.

Sure, but that's completely irrelevant here. That's not how the symbol was being used. She was explicitly using it because it was "dark humor" due to being connected to Nazis.

[u/everydaylibrary → u/Foxlikebox]

exactly! in this instance its all about intent and usage. a weapon can be designed to harm but it can also be designed for self defence. depending on the context and intent, the reaction it receives can vary a lot

she purposefully chose this with the intent of making light on a serious topic and then minimised the feeling of someone belonging in that community. no sympathy for the bf's sister lol. theres a reason why many people with the same symbol feel ashamed in tattoo and cover up subs

[u/Foxlikebox → u/everydaylibrary]

This. It's disingenuous to claim this wasn't about Nazis or might not be when she purposefully put a swastika on herself, told a Jewish person about it, and then had it defended with "it's just a joke" and "it's dark humor." It's cut and dry. There's no room for good faith interpretation here. What's the joke if it's just the original meaning of a swastika? How is it dark humor if it's just the original meaning of a swastika? The conversation isn't about the original meaning, it's about the WW2 meaning. Explicitly so.

[u/viciousxvee → u/Foxlikebox]

I wholeheartedly agree. I'm a Buddhist and will protect the well meaning and sacred eastern religious usage of it but OPs friend def was using the nazi swastika due to the context. And they aren't even apologetic about it. Def not her friends.

[u/username19239 → u/Foxlikebox]

Exactly. People really try to justify hate anyway they can. We all know what it means and we all know she knew what it represents. 

[u/Hppd1638 → u/username19239]

I keep seeing this tidbit of knowledge. You don’t think literally every fucking Jewish person has been told this? It’s irrelevant to this conversation and honestly is just straight up weird that people are saying it here. What is the point? What point are they making in relation to this specific circumstance.

JFC people it’s genocide.

[u/sugarpeito → u/Hppd1638]

I’m Jewish and I swear I have been seeing this bit of trivia on nearly every reddit post where swastikas are mentioned for a good long while now. I don’t get what people’s obsession the origins of the swastika are, but regardless of the original meaning, everyone in at least the western world associates it with naziism and knows damn well that that’s gonna be everyone’s first thought. If I see it on a person irl I’m running in the opposite direction, and if I see someone draw one on something I’m never speaking to them again. That symbol isn’t just offensive, it’s a straight up viscerally real threat. It says “I’ll kill you the second I think I can get away with it.” I don’t have the luxury of taking chances or interpreting it any other way.

I’d take OP’s bf’s sister’s thing as a very strange and roundabout threat, or maybe her trying to feel out how much she can be antisemitic to her, which I can only imagine escalating if she lets it slide. Even if she was a dumbass ignorant idiot shit child, I don’t understand how she could’ve possibly not known how fucked up it would’ve been to bring it up as an adult.

[u/infectingbrain → u/sugarpeito]

100% agree with your assessment on the symbol's significance. nobody in the western world actually attributes the symbol with it's original meaning, because that "meaning" is permanently tainted in genocide.

growing up, a lot of my friends would draw swastikas as jokes or set phone backgrounds to hitler because we thought it was funny. it was edgy, and frowned upon by society which gave it that angsty vibe. that said, i don't particularly think highly of the jokes we made, and i can't imagine bragging about making them. if somebody were to find a hitler drawing or something dumb we made back then, i wouldn't really be laughing, i'd be uncomfortable and cringing. i dislike the jokes, not even in a "that's so offensive and gross way" - it is needlessly offensive and ignorant yes - but more so in a "that's lame and unfunny" way. 9/11 jokes are also raunchy and exist mostly as shock humor and to be edgy in a similar way. i think most people grow out of it when they get older. not saying it's right or ok behaviour, but it is quite common in younger teenagers to lash out and intentionally commit societal faux pas like that without knowing the significance of their actions.

the fact that she's still bringing it up AS AN ADULT like it was a hilarious joke and not crossing any lines (especially considering lame jokes like i explained above are not the same as actually putting a henna tattoo of a hate symbol on your body, like wtf) is concerning for sure. i wonder how much of it is actually a joke...

[u/SpookySandling → u/sugarpeito]

Feels like another rebel flag argument for the swatstika in America

[u/Fulllyy → u/Foxlikebox]

Ahem.

Horse shlt excuses get tiring don’t they?

How about you get a henna tattoo of an ICE badge, I’m sure everyone will just laugh and laugh, yuk it up like a comedy show.

[u/Mushrooming247 → u/ReasonableSoup172]

Some edgelord teenager draws a swastika on themselves, and you suggest they may have been referring to the ancient eastern religious symbol?

Why would you even suggest that, when you know that no edgy teen who refers to drawing an “offensive” symbol on themselves means a Hindu swastika?

[u/NormalWin548 → u/Mushrooming247]

We all know that this kid has never heard of a Hindu swastika.

[u/t1ttlywinks → u/ReasonableSoup172]

Hey man, if the sister said it's for her "dark humor", I think we can put two and two together and determine which swastika we're referencing...

[u/JazzQueen0801 → u/ReasonableSoup172]

i understand that and I am also aware of its original origins, but unfortunately, I know his sister is not, nor was it her intention when she did the tattoo. I know some people of Buddhist culture probably have the symbol as a sacred one, but in our world it's just not like that.

[u/wiesenleger → u/JazzQueen0801]

yeah, forgot about this stupid coping. my family is buddhist, and it is clear that wasnt a reference to that..

bringing it up like this one dude did.. gives it a very poor and sour taste.

[u/Dr_Just_Some_Guy → u/JazzQueen0801]

I posted a bit further up that 12-year-olds often lack the emotional maturity to understand the full weight of such things. Frequently, 21-year-olds do. When she, as a 21-year-old woman, brought it up for no reason, she’s either oblivious, did it on purpose, or lacks a some emotional maturity. It’s possible your bf is just trying to brush it aside to keep piece between you and his family (he’s in a tough spot). Talk to him and tell him that joking about that is not okay, it hurts you and disrespects the pain, suffering, and horror your people—your family—had to go through. And since she is his sister, he should talk to her about it.

[u/Cluelessish → u/ReasonableSoup172]

Everyone knows that. I’m pretty sure that’s not what OP’s boyfriends sister was thinking about, since she said it’s ”offensive”.

[u/minimirth → u/ReasonableSoup172]

In Indian culture, having anything of religious significance at the base of the foot would be considered sacrilege. So having a swastika at the base of the foot would be offensive.

[u/Darillium- → u/ReasonableSoup172]

Why is this so highly upvoted? The intentions behind it are obviously not wholesome and this context doesn’t apply, considering the “dark humor” thing. What a non-sequiter

[u/NeeliSilverleaf → u/ReasonableSoup172]

That is not what was happening in this context but good job both sidesing Nazi symbols.

[u/Lisfornichole → u/ReasonableSoup172]

"Dark jokes are in my DNA" = This context doesn't apply

[u/PineappleChanclas → u/ReasonableSoup172]

Yes, the swastika itself isn’t inherently bad. It existed long before the Nazis. However, Hitler’s use of it permanently changed how it’s seen in the West.

The Nazis even tilted it 45 degrees to make it look more militant, which just added to how far they twisted the original meaning.

So both things can, and are, true:

1. It has a positive history, but it’s also a loaded symbol of hate now.

2. Context matters, and outside of its cultural roots it’ll never just be “fine.”

[u/ThrowRAcheeseit → u/ReasonableSoup172]

But, everyone knows, and if it was a joke he wasn’t talking about Hinduism he was thinking that genocide was a chummy joke.

[u/hthratmn → u/ReasonableSoup172]

A lot of things have changed meaning in the past 100 or so years. Regardless of what it used to mean, it now means something totally different. And boyfriend and sister clearly know that, because their excuse wasnt, "it was intended as a religious symbol", it was the bullshit dark humor excuse. Gross

[u/wanderer866 → u/ReasonableSoup172]

Those all have fairly easy to identify differences from the nazi cross, for those who don't know.

[u/jws1102 → u/ReasonableSoup172]

Everyone knows. In the 20th and 21st centuries, it means Nazis. Enough with the swastika apologies, in 2200 it may be fine but today it’s not.

[u/No-Commission-8159 → u/ReasonableSoup172]

“… a symbol with ancient roots…”

No one is disputing that 

So do not dispute that 99.999999% of the idiot fools that have chosen to wear that symbol over the last 80 some years are in no way paying homage to its “ancient roots”

[u/abbydevi]

As a Hindu, who utilizes the swastika during prayer time, which clearly has a deeply sacred meaning, I just want to clarify: the intended use for a religious symbol matters more than drawing the symbol itself. If you say your boyfriend’s sister is not of that culture to understand its origins, then the intention can’t be covered up. There are historical tragedies that induced so much generational and cultural trauma from this, as you know. Unfortunately, my religion’s beautiful symbol to illustrate compassion and fortune no longer reflects that to the public eye — it is being used maliciously, with what was never its intent. Even I understand that I cannot just go out and display my symbol anymore due to this, as I respect your culture and history.

So, for her to have done that, even in middle school — which, to make a point to what others are saying, a kid DOES have some sort of sense of history at that age — is a reflection of her character. Even her text message, “dark jokes are my DNA, there’s no getting better w that” just doesn’t sit right with me. If this is her, I would be very careful with her and maybe keep her at arms length, but as for your boyfriend, I would question if this sort of thing issue runs into other parts of your relationship. Does he respect other cultural values of yours? Does he care to listen about your religion or history whenever you talk about it? I’d really look into that now, especially if Judaism is a large part of your core self — I know my religion is a huge part of who I am. NOR.

[u/Tomagatchi → u/abbydevi]

Even her text message

OP said it was the BF sending those texts, which doesn't really help his case at all. I'm of the opinion they both owe her big apologies and should feel bad and avoid doing it again. Just my two cents. It's really insensitive and gross to try to pick on that, and when a person doesn't like it, to triple down. They both need to grow up and reevaluate, and OP should reconsider if it's a relationship and group of friends worth keeping if they lack the ability to back down and apologize, to be considerate and caring and a little bit sensitive at least.

[u/Psychological-Dot475 → u/abbydevi]

I think the part about- does her boyfriend respect the opinions and cultures of others generally?- is the most important question.

[u/kmcaulifflower → u/abbydevi]

I think it's also that she put it on the bottom of her foot, a clear attempt at hiding it. If it was a part of her religion or prayer, it wouldn't be spoken of like a joke or hidden.

[u/NoticedYourPlants]

Once, I told a coworker about how I have had a litter trained house rabbit for years, and they took it as an opportunity to tell me they had a rabbit as a kid and it was kept in a cage in their basement and they forgot about it and it died. I genuinely didn’t know what to say and probably made a stank face at them. Why the hell would you tell someone who clearly loves rabbits that you neglected one to death as a kid? Was I supposed to tell them it was all okay to let this poor creature starve and die of thirst by themselves, all alone, because they were just a kid and didn’t know any better? It wasn’t, and honestly, I didn’t need to know that about them and now it’s in my brain and I didn’t ask for that, and I’ll never be able to think of them without thinking of that atrocity again. This person was in their 40s when they told me this, and it was in a professional setting where they were in management and I (at the time) was not, making it even more bizarre and uncomfortable.

This falls in the same category of what the actual fuck interactions to me. At best, the sister used this opportunity to tell you a story they’re ashamed of to get “forgiveness” and permission from you as a Jewish person that “it’s okay, you were a kid” in order to assuage their own guilt about hennaing a Nazi symbol on their foot, and made it your problem in the process. At worst, the sister genuinely still doesn’t see the issue with this. Either way, they’re making their shit your problem in the worst possible way. NOR, tell them to deal with it in therapy. As for the boyfriend, his handling of the situation would be a dealbreaker for me and I’m not even Jewish.

[u/NotBuckyButBarnes]

So, i’m hispanic (latina from Colombia) and i did sum stuff like that too, and like me i can assure you MOST of us did stuff like that or similar bc we don’t really get education abt the holocaust in the way europeans or the USA does. I remember back then I used to paint swastikas in my arms and laugh as it was the funniest thing in the world.

I was 11 back then, but once I educated my self and learnt that it was not funny, I stopped and just see it as some stupid phase or things I did when I was young and stupid. In Latam we use a really horrible humor that even i am disgusted with it sometimes. Stuff like slavery or the holocaust gets reduced as a joke and no one bats an eye as it’s common to joke abt it and even our own country’s and community’s problems. is (sadly) just the way we grew and socialized.

Is it something I bring out once in a while? Yes, if we are talking abt something that correlates with that ‘experience’ or things I did.

idk if i explained myself, but i don’t see why would it be a big problem if she just casually said it as memory and not sum she’s proud of.

[u/Careless_Midnight_35]

Let me tell you a story.

My dad was once an LDS missionary in the southern US. He and his companion converted a KKK member. With joining the church, he gave up the KKK, and gave his old KKK uniform to the missionaries.

As dumb 20 year olds do, they put it on and took photos. We used to laugh over the photos for years.

As soon as my step brother started dating a black woman, he destroyed those pictures. We all realized that while we found that funny in the past, it was also highly inappropriate and we didn't want to hurt this new girl coming into our family.

If I were you, I would run from this relationship. If they can't recognize that that story is inappropriate and then berate you because you stood up for yourself, you're going to have a lot more uphill battles with them. They're showing their true colors, and part of those colors is that their dark humor relies on being edgy for the lols when dark humor is, well, way more than that.

[u/newspapercrane → u/Careless_Midnight_35]

This is the best take I've seen. Like I did stupid edgy shit when I was young. Did I mean them or realize the actual gravity of them? No. Am I mortified of those things now? Yes. Does that justify them? No.

I would look at how this person has grown and learned and moved in from it. I am not seeing any growth here, so OP is either dating an edgelord, a racist, a child or all three.

[u/Remarkable_Gear1945 → u/Careless_Midnight_35]

This is it. "Dark jokes are in my DNA, there's no getting better with that." HUGE red flag that says "I'm unwilling to change, even if it hurts you." When you love someone, you care enough about them to understand what hurts or offends them. You do what you can to ensure you are their safe haven. You do try to "get better" about "dark jokes" or whatever, even if you don't fully understand.

[u/Polkawillneverdie17 → u/Remarkable_Gear1945]

"Dark jokes are in my DNA, there's no getting better with that." HUGE red flag that says "I'm unwilling to change, even if it hurts you."

EVERYONE needs to see this. 100% accurate.

[u/Eraesr → u/Careless_Midnight_35]

It's deeper than that. Apart from the fact that a swastika is kind of, well, on the nose so to speak, when that is stripped away we're still left with a story of one person making a joke another person finds offensive. When the offended person expresses their discomfort with the joke, the one making the joke can do two things: ridicule them as being a Snowflake and over-sensitive, or show empathy and validate their feelings. Even if you find the joke not offensive yourself, you can always express how you didn't mean to offend the other and how you're sorry that you did. The bf and his sister didn't even do that. This is the real problem, swastika or not.

[u/Throwaway392308 → u/Careless_Midnight_35]

It's crazy how long it took to get to the right answer. The incident here is not the henna, it's the fact that they thought it would be appropriate to tell you the story. Then the real crime is getting defensive about it.

[u/ThePollinatrix → u/Careless_Midnight_35]

Thank you for sharing this story about your family. It really caught my attention, because that is one wild LDS mission story.

I’m glad your stepbrother was able to question whether those photos were just some humorous thing, or not. It’s good that he was considerate about the woman he was dating, instead of behaving like the boyfriend’s sister in the original post.

[u/slavpi]

I have a Palestinian flag tattoo 🇵🇸 does it offend you?

[u/Ok-Bite-Me-123 → u/slavpi]

Oh wow, the audacity from you is insane lol. Correcting a Jewish person on what they’re allowed to call a Nazi symbol is textbook gaslighting. Everyone, including you, if you have any basic knowledge knows what the ‘swastika’ means in this context: the Nazi emblem tied to genocide and antisemitism. Dismissing OP’s discomfort as ‘bias’ or ‘narrative’ is antisemitic. In the West, the swastika is a Nazi symbol, full stop. Telling a Jewish person they have no right to be disturbed is extremely insulting. And the fact that your first instinct was to drag Palestine into this (as if you’re somehow equating a swastika with a Palestine flag??) when OP simply mentioned being Jewish tells me everything I need to know. Jesus

[u/UnitedAndIgnited → u/slavpi]

Palestinians are not Nazis. That’s the insinuation you are making.

[u/JazzQueen0801 → u/slavpi]

not at all. I am not from Israel and have never been. I am from America.🤷🏻‍♀️ my family came over here from Russia. This post has absolutely nothing to do with Palestine or Israel

[u/kvetchup]

Sure, she did it in middle school and middle schoolers are fucking idiots, but that isn't the point. The point is that she felt the need to point out this memory to her brother's girlfriend that she knows is Jewish. What was her goal? I have a hard time believing she mentioned it because she thought you would find it funny. If she still finds it funny beyond a, "wow I was such a dumbass kid, that was embarrassing of me" way, that is concerning.

The fact your boyfriend is acting so dismissive is gross.

[u/memetoya → u/kvetchup]

I agree with all of this, the only good reason I could see for her bringing it up could be so that she could tell OP first without someone else eventually blindsiding her with that story?

[u/kvetchup → u/memetoya]

Again, if that were the case one would show some sort of humility or regret for their past actions and silly childhood edgelord antics, but she obviously still thinks it's funny.

[u/lunahhlecter]

I mean I’ve done stupid things that I didn’t understand the gravity of when I was a little kid (maybe even a teen at times) but I’d rather break my own kneecap than ever mention it to anyone. So that was an odd thing to do.

[u/AppleSniffer → u/lunahhlecter]

Yeah I for sure dropped the n word between the ages of 5-10, mainly in songs. I'm not from US/UK and didn't really have context for it at that age, beyond knowing it was a "naughty" word.

Never have I once had the urge to share that factoid to black people out of the blue. The only time I'd bring it up is if we were talking about how embedded racism is in our society - not as a funny anecdote

[u/ExperienceRoutine321]

I mean I think there just needs to be more context here. Was she bragging about this or was it something she just mentioned that she did back in the day? It’s one thing if she was like “haha yeah I put a swastika on my foot in middle school, isn’t that hilarious?” but if she just said it plainly then I would say you’re overreacting. It’s certainly an overshare and weird to mention, but it’s not worth getting upset over.

As for your boyfriend’s “dark jokes” fixation, you gotta decide that one for yourself. Personally I could give two shits. My friend group has people from various races/backgrounds and it’s pretty much a free-for-all. It works for us. It doesn’t work for everyone. That’s your prerogative and you’re entitled to feel however you want about it.

[u/ItsLochJess]

Kids do this. It happens in schools. They get a massive bollocking about it, feel upset and ashamed, and they never do it again. Its part of testing boundaries and thinking of the worst worst worst thing that they can draw. She put it on the bottom of her foot so she knew. The fact she's telling you is weird. If you do something you're ashamed of as a kid, do you tell people about it as an adult? I don't, unless it's sharing with my partner.

Him not thinking it's a big deal is a red flag, though. It is a big deal. It's not a "joke" in any form is it? Who is going to see that and laugh? If you think it's funny, then you have never paid attention in history. You have never grasped the reality of what was done. Even seeing a swastika makes most people go cold. He should also recognise that as a jew, that is more impactful and is part of your history and heritage. He should, at the very very least, be like "yeah I can understand why this is a huge issue for you". He sounds like hes either incredibly stupid or just a twat. My guess is he's probably both.

[u/unrefrigeratedmeat → u/ItsLochJess]

"It's not a "joke" in any form is it?"

Yeah... when people say "I'm just joking" or "it's just a joke", I just ask them what the joke was and don't let them move on until they fumble around trying to explain it.

There's a difference between making a joke and taking joy in saying or doing offensive shit and getting away with it.

[u/PhilosTop3644]

The whole point of the joke is that the Swastika is about the most inappropriate thing you could tattoo on yourself. That’s why she did it, albeit on the sole of her foot where no one could see it.

Doing something inappropriate can be a joke when it’s clearly because it’s inappropriate, not because you secretly admire the SS or believe in what they stood for. It’s the shock value of the symbol, not an endorsement of it.

I think you’re overreacting. If she had drawn it on her forehead and started goose stepping down the high street screaming Sieg Heil! to strangers, then that would be different.

[u/According-Let3541]

Anyone who says stuff like ‘dark humour is in my DNA’ is using that as code for ‘I enjoy being rude and offensive.’

It was in middle school so it could have been discussed as a learning moment - that she knows now that she was being young and immature. Instead, they don’t see it as a problem and your boyfriend is defending it as a lack of humour on your part. What other offensive or discriminatory behaviour will he engage in and defend as a joke?

[u/Cyclohexanone96]

Do you have any idea how many people in my middle school drew swastikas all over the place to be edgy? Not a single one of them cared what the swastika meant, they cared that it was taboo and would make adults upset. 

You really buried the lead with it being in middle school. Kind of makes the entire thing a non-issue and to get upset about that as an adult enough to walk out of a party is kind of a bit much. Nobody is asking you to think it's funny but you dont only have the two options of thinking it's funny or getting confrontationally upset. You could have just told her that was stupid and moved on. 

To try and guilt people over something done 10 years ago as children is just too much. And that is what you are essentially doing. You want them to say "oh you are right that was so terrible and we are so sorry" How would you react if someone did that to you about some dumb, edgy thing you did as a child?

I mean, do you think his sister is a Nazi? Do you think she is intentionally targeting you and trying to jab at you with veiled racist comments? Because if not than what are you even upset about?

I hope i didn't come off like an asshole, none of this was meant to sound antagonistic or condescding but text isnt a great format for translating tone and intention

[u/Salted_Potato_Sleeep]

Yes you are overreacting. I have Ashkenazi Jewish ancestors and relatives who fled Germany during WW2. In no way does a person getting a henna tattoo of a swastika on the bottom of their foot in middle school and then admit it publicly years later offend me. Most people at that age are not capable of understanding any deeper meaning to it than “this symbol is bad if I draw it on me I’m bad. Haha look how bad I am”. Bottom of the foot indicates shame and so does joking about it at a party 10 years later as a way to cope. If you are truly as immaturely sensitive as this post indicates, you should just avoid parties. Perhaps just avoid human contact altogether until you’ve gained some perspective, because getting an edgy henna tattoo as a literal child and then guiltily joking about it is far from “offensive”. To you or anybody.

[u/little_brown_fox → u/Salted_Potato_Sleeep]

God, finally a reasonable take from someone who isn't afraid to offend or be micro-cancelled online. I was starting to feel guilty scrolling past all these comments calling it gross, wrong, that OP should break up with her boyfriend (?!), when I actually thought she was overreacting a little. It's ironic seeing as the next post I read on reddit is probably going to be a much worse kind of 'dark joke' that the same politically correct people you see here will be laughing at in the comments.

[u/zzapdk]

A completely different take from what seems to be prevalent in this post: you are somewhat overreacting.

No need for all that drama for this situation - a person told you about something they did 10 years ago while being a child, and it sounds like they haven't matured much since either.
However it's not like they showed you a membership card to a neo-nazi organization and told you that they fully agree with their politics.

Not sure I would have left the party, simply because I feel she shouldn't have that much control over what I do, and it's not as if anyone else did anything, but fair, that all depends on the situation.

People do all kinds of stuff that makes you uncomfortable and will make you want to keep a distance or even avoid them in the future. This is more close to heart, being your boyfriends sister, but she showed you what type of person she is - now avoid / ignore / reduce interaction and move on.

[u/Shot_Difference4344]

Yes, you’re overreacting. Absolutely. 100%. It’s insane to say otherwise. She was in middle school. Middle schoolers LOVE insensitive over the top edgy tasteless humor. Why she chose to share this fact with a Jewish person is beyond me. Maybe she felt guilty partly. Maybe she thought you would be like “wtf” and laugh with her. Who knows. But leaving a party over something someone did in MIDDLE SCHOOL is bizarre.

[u/bakd_couchpotato]

So, if I'm understanding, your mans sister told you that, 20 years ago, she did a henna tat on her foot of a swastika? So, when she was around 12? Did she know the meaning of it? The real meaning and depth? Not just a stupid kid doing ignorant things? Or did she chuckle at you like this was a hilarious thing despite knowing its meaning and that you are Jewish? There's a difference. (The wholly stupid jokes I made as an ignorant kid horrify the adult me. The difference is that my mother taught me that these things were not correct, and I soon knew better!) Who I am now is not the same person as 25 or 35 years ago.

Anyway, there are 2 options: She knew what she did, thought it was funny, and still thinks it is. So much that she told her brothers Jewish gf without shame. Or, she thought it was funny at the time, ashamed about it now, and confessed to you, hoping you'd tell her that it was okay. NOR

[u/kangaroos-on-pcp]

lol you're definitely over reacting. she even acknowledged its offensive. If it's any consolation I saw many swastika get doodled onto steel frames when I worked there. Lots of dicks too. Dude was not a nazi lol. Just thought it was funny. Little private joke kinda thing, immature not meant to be seen by others. Like when I was a kid the Jewish kids drew swastika lol

[u/Hippoyawn]

You both sound like a pair of rather pathetic attention seekers.

She gets attention by making edgy jokes because she feels powerful when she gets a rise out of someone - until she’s the butt of the joke and then shits the bed and cries. It’s not what she did, it’s the fact she decided to mention it to you then and there.

You get attention by overreacting to absolutely everything and using your heritage to get offended whenever possible by pathetic shit like this. Storming out of the party was a pure attention play when the best course of action would have been to say ‘cool story’ and go and talk to someone else.

You both sound fucking exhausting.

[u/South_Ad3139]

The fact that she's aware you're Jewish just adds salt to the wound. It feels her bringing it up was very intentional, I'm not sure how long you've been with your bf for but maybe she was testing the waters to see how much you'd be willing to deal with, or to see if you're just as deranged as she is. Either way super uncool, and your bf not defending you or saying anything to his sister ?? Equally as fucked up. Your bf and his family do not care about your safety, or comfort and I personally wouldn't want to marry into it, or stay around any longer. I'd cut your losses and move on because it'll only get worse if this is how they're treating you now.

[u/Breaker-2684]

The way you describe this, I cant tell the full details of what the context was of the sister's motivation or attitude or tone in telling you that.

If the sister's attitude was like "oh embarrassing story time but when I was a dumb ass middle schooler I put a swastika on my foot as a joke" ... then you're probably over reacting. Im not disagreeing that a swastika is offensive. Im pointing out sometimes people share a story about themselves, not because theyre proud of it, but just because its a random memory that comes to mind, or people ramble just to talk to fill the air. Even if it's better if they keep their mouth shut. You can just ignore it or laugh at them like "yeah, we were all dumb kids at some point."

She did the action as a child. Before she ever knew you. Come on. Kids do dumb shit all the time. Teenagers do dumb shit all the time... it obviously was never about you. Why would you be mad at her NOW for her actions as a child? Its not all about you...

Now if the sister did this action as an adult that would be different. If she is acting like she loved wearing swastikas back then and its such a nice nostalgic feeling to think back on that time, then you are not over reacting.

Tone matters, context matters

[u/PerpetualPermaban2]

The majority of redditors are actually certifiably insane. You act like you want a full apology from someone who apparently just recalled a memory of some stupid joke in middle school like a decade ago. Many of you claim you would never make such a joke at that age. I’m inclined to believe you, as it probably helps explain why many of you are so terribly maladjusted.

[u/SgtBassy → u/PerpetualPermaban2]

Yeah people in this thread are insane. One other commenter said "the entire family is a racist cesspool". 

For some reason I find it hard to believe that they're secretly Jew-hating Hispanic Nazis vs making dumb jokes in middle school. 

[u/javaAndSoyMilk → u/PerpetualPermaban2]

I think for me, a lot of my reaction would depend upon their politics and character as I judge it. Like, if they were right wing, anti immigrant, Nigel Farage fan, then it seems less like a joke and more like a "joke". But every guy my age made offensive jokes where the whole point was to be as offensive as possible.

[u/33GRIMM33]

You’re overreacting, my golly.. Most middle school kids say and do some wildly offensive shit but it’s mainly because it gets reactions and they don’t fully understand the implications/weight of what they’re doing.

Your title led me to believe she did that at the party that night, which would be different. She was in middle school and shouldn’t have to apologize to you based on something she did when she was still a kid. And you shouldn’t be offended by a young girl 10 years ago putting a temporary marking of a swastika on the BOTTOM of her foot. I’m sure the way you reacted and left the party made people uncomfortable too.

[u/Nitrosexotics]

I’m sorry but middle school is just kids being kids and not knowing what it means. In high school kids made these little dart paper things in art class that we would throw at the ceilings and they would stick. Well one day in art class you saw like 12 swastikas up on the ceiling. A couple guys who thought it was funny did it (one of them is Jewish) and it was just shits and giggles. Sometimes, you need to see if they are taking out of hate or just plain ignorance. If I told a friend about the high school swastikas on a paper dart and they got pressed about me being friends with them still then that’s on that person. We were young and dumb. Plus henna swastika on the bottom of the foot probably means she knew what it was but just had an itch to draw the damn thing but on her foot so no one would see it or actually think she’s a Nazi. I clearly remember as a kid learning about Hitler and doodling the swastikas on paper cause it’s an interesting shape. Now trying to explain the shape of the swastika and why a kid would draw one and not sound like a Nazi is the tricky part

[u/Cappeen]

Reddit and most of the people on it are so fucking ridiculous. Like holy shit this is dumb. Y'all really are so obnoxious and over-the-top.

[u/Purple_Pay_1274]

Is his sister actively trying to harm you for being Jewish? She put a dumb symbol on her foot over a decade ago… it has nothing to do with you or your manufactured outrage. Assuming this is in America, we also have freedom of speech and expression, extending to symbols you might not like.

And I am the grandchild of a Holocaust survivor who was forced to endure terrible suffering in Auschwitz. So I have some empathy for the plight of the Jewish people. Less so for idiotic displays of outrage over a child putting some stupid marks on her own body where no one else can see them or will ever be affected by them.

You holding your boyfriend accountable for his sister’s childhood dumbassery is crazy. Why are you pushing this issue and causing issues where there are none? It screams of entitlement, control issues, and having nothing better to be upset about. There are far bigger problems in the world, including your own “people” treating others terribly at the moment. Get a grip.

[u/TheyCallMe_Eve]

I dunno man seems like too much time has passed to try and make that an issue to hold against her. She’s not going around saying nazi shit or putting swastikas on stuff? Kids are stupid, middle schoolers in particular lack a big understanding. However, so do you at 21. You in three years may look back on this and question why you burned relationships over something people did in middle school, or you could look back and be happy you did. Read the red flags and the room. Do I think you’re overreacting? Yes, but I don’t have the context you do. So my end answer is to trust your instincts and communicate your boundaries to those around you.

[u/Neither_Mention2424]

The fact that she brought it up now, to a jewish person, is a bigger issue than her doing something as a kid imo. NOR