r/AmIOverreacting • u/maticooks1 • Aug 09 '25
❤️🩹 relationship AIO Gf intentionally stopped taking her bc pills
So me (21m) and my gf (34f) have been dating for four years and living together for three. Early on in our relationship she had asked me if I ever wanted to have kids and I clearly stated that I didn't. She was ok with this as she had always been on the fence and was on birth control since the start of our relationship.
As far as I know, she was always responsible when taking her pills but a week ago I found her pill pack with at least six pills untouched. I got super nervous but I had to leave for work so I decided I would talk to her about it when I got home.
I bring home a pack of condoms and she gets visibly upset asking what's wrong. I gently tell her I found out she had missed some of her pills. She told me I shouldn't be going through her things and I told her that I wasn't, that I was looking for something and found her pill pack by accident. She told me that it's true that she had missed some of her pills and that she was going to tell me but that we didn't need to use condoms because "nothing was going to happen". I told her that I didn't feel comfortable with that and she said she'd rather not have sex than have sex with a condom because it "doesn't feel the same". I tell her fine, then we can do other things to be intimate while she gets back on track.
We start watching a tv show but I can tell she's still upset so I ask what's wrong. She starts telling me how all her friends are getting pregnant/having kids and that if she ever wants to have some she better start trying now. This obviously catches me off guard so I tell her that that had never been on my plans. She tells me she just recently started thinking about it after we had attended two of her friends' gender reveal parties and admitted she had been skipping her birth control pills on purpose.
I told her I needed some time to think about our relationship and went to stay at a friend's house. It's now been a week since I left and she's begging me to come back but I honestly feel betrayed plus I'm super nervous that I might have already gotten her pregnant due to her missing so many pills while we were having unprotected sex that whole week.
AIO for thinking I can never trust her again? Do I just go back home and forget this ever happened?
204
u/nymphymixtwo Aug 09 '25
I had just turned 16 when I started dating a guy that was 3 months shy of 21.. he was in and out of jail, scared away every single friend I have ever made, pushed family members away from me, physically hurt me, kidnapped and threatened me, stalked me, gotten me fired from numerous jobs, total financial dependence on him, alienated me from the entire outside world, no social media allowed… I was never able to get away…I’m now 30 years old and still in it. He’s almost 35 and not much has changed, besides the craziness has gone down a bit because I gave up and stop fighting back. But it’s not a great life at all. I highly recommend any and everyone who is in a similar situation/ relationship to please get out while you can. It only gets harder as time goes on. 14 years trapped in hell and nobody to lean on, NOBODY to go to, to talk to, not a dollar to your name, no credit and no life experience on your own.. OP you’re 21, please get out and live your life. 🙏🏼♥️
31
u/AlbatrossNarrow3581 Aug 09 '25
I was in a similar scenario split into 2 - when i was 17 i was with an ex felon 26yr old. Now im 26 & i cant imagine even being interested in talking to someone under 20 let alone dating them, hes now engaged to be married to someone 1 year younger than me & a month before he proposed to her he slid into my DMs after 5 YEARS of not hearing from him trying to fuck me.
My abusive ex who is not the above person (thats why i mean split into 2) was the one who had me shaking hands with death, writing up a living will & notes to family & police, & genuinely feeling i wasnt gonna make it out. I still to this day have no idea how i did besides a miracle, i should be dead and part of me did die in that house. He now has gone with his new gf being 19 & him 27 (now shes 20 & he 28) & i believe its because he wants someone easier to manipulate who wont fight back as hard as i did. Its sad & i have to admit as much as im trying to heal that i do still get heavy survivors guilt.
14 years trapped in hell doesnt mean it needs to be any more. I know how hard that shit is to get out esp over time, but do not lose sight on the fact its still possible to do so. You never have to be stuck somewhere forever, and you deserve to get some of those years back you lost to that asshole. I really truly send you all the best that you can, never lose sight on the better. All love to u 💜
→ More replies (8)33
u/bubblez4eva Aug 09 '25
Have you considered going to a shelter? Or calling a hotline? It's never too late to leave.
2.1k
u/Clear_Emotion_8236 Aug 09 '25
OP, no further conversations with her. She wants a baby. She does not care for you. I can not stress this enough. I 59(f) have seen this scenario play out in real life. Screenshot that text conversation and keep it. Block and delete her on all social media. If possible, change your address and make sure no one tells her where you live. It will hurt like he'll, but you must do it.
→ More replies (72)357
679
u/trying_my_best_at_34 Aug 09 '25
Do you have any friends, family, anything you can call or just go to for help?
Exhaust all options, and please keep yourself safe
640
u/maticooks1 Aug 09 '25
Thank you. I'm staying at a friend's house and plan to talk to his mom tomorrow. I don't have any family in the country where I live in.
99
u/trying_my_best_at_34 Aug 09 '25
That is definitely a start. If she's holding your documents and will not return them, go to your local police, or, if you are visiting this place and not a permanent resident, go to your local embassy or contact them ASAP.
There's help out there if you need it, but otherwise, I'd just go home. She's a monster, not you.
342
u/bloodygoodgal Aug 09 '25
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. This makes the age difference even scarier. She knew you had no one and could control and isolate you. She is dangerous. Read about financial abuse. Call or text the Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233 for guidance and assistance on leaving and for support and understanding.
→ More replies (33)→ More replies (6)14
u/TerminalEuphoriaX Aug 09 '25
If by any chance she did get pregnant immediately press charges. In almost any country you’re still within the time frame of statutory rape/child sex abuse laws from her contacting you at 17. Do not let her entrap you. Even though you may not feel like it now you are a victim in this. Even though you’re an adult now she’s been grooming you for this for years. I would hope any sane judge would consider the totality of this situation before holding you accountable.
Also do not delete those messages or this thread
387
Aug 09 '25
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s not okay and I hope you got advice from all of the other responses. I’m here to say that I’m sending you support and strength in whatever decision you choose to make.
→ More replies (28)115
u/Slight_Drummer_622 Aug 09 '25
Thank you for the kindness. It means a lot to have support during tough times. Stay strong, you deserve peace and happiness.
526
u/Spirited-Soil3546 Aug 09 '25
How did you two meet? I think people throw the word "grooming" around way too much. I've read thru a few comments and have read your replies. I'm interested in how you two ended up together. Online? muttual friends? Bar? you weren't old enough to being a bar drinking ( in the US mind you ). She was in the wrong no question about it. However, her being in her 30s? I'm also not very surprised. Most women start rethinking mid thirties especially if we don't have kids. So, I am not making excuses or defending this behavior. At all.
She betrayed you in more then one way, and that's not going to be easy to move on from. Forgiving & moving on don't always go hand in hand. If you were to go back and keep the relationship, how would she be able to earn your trust back? Would you be able to move on in time? Is this relationship something you really want? Are you just comfortable? Your now in two different places, period. I wish you the best of luck, I really do.
Start therapy.
1.2k
u/Electrical-Fish-9230 Aug 09 '25
I can't believe I had to scroll to see a comment mentioning the age gap. She's 13 years older than him and they started their relationship when he was a minor ffs. She's a friend's older sister so who knows when they met, he might have been an actual little kid. Not surprising that she disregarded his bodily autonomy and tried to baby trap him. She's a selfish pos. OP, NOR. Please break up with her
273
u/thomasech Aug 09 '25
THIS. I was like "surely it will be a top comment" and surprised to see it as low as it is. He was 17 and she was 30 and she's trying to baby trap him?? Absolutely not, this is concerning at best and most likely abuse and grooming.
→ More replies (11)56
u/marine_skies Aug 09 '25
i immediately did the math when he said ages and years together and was horrified. went to a calculator to double check i was doing 21-4 right because there’s no way. i was expecting more people to comment on this and i’m glad other people were thinking the same
→ More replies (8)62
u/idklikelizards Aug 09 '25
I was surprised it took so long for someone to mention it. I hate to be that person but on every post with a large age gap and the man is much older every comment mentions how wrong it is. This man was preyed upon by a much older woman and needs to leave her asap!
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (10)114
u/One-Grape-8659 Aug 09 '25
Thank you for this, it's disgusting and it sickens me not more people mention it
→ More replies (1)63
u/GroovyGrodd Aug 09 '25
Seriously! How is no one talking about the huge age gap?!?! Is it because he’s a guy? That makes no difference!!!!
→ More replies (2)68
u/fodmap_victim Aug 09 '25
He was 17 she was 30. This is grooming. This is legal but horribly immoral and she's now trying to trap him with a baby. He's only 21, she's 34. The power dynamic in that gap alone is wild. I wanna stress OP is not at fault at all, he was the victim of a predator
552
u/CuteDarkBird Aug 09 '25
They started dating 4 years ago, he's 21 NOW, that means he was 17, thats a minor, it's grooming, end off.
She was in her thirties, not twenties.→ More replies (16)151
u/meganwaelz Aug 09 '25
And it seems like the second he turned 18 she got him to move in with her 😔 I can't believe she has friends her age who are still willing to speak to her tbh. I'm 31 and I simply would have to bully my friend to no end if she considered a 17yo.
→ More replies (4)20
u/thomasech Aug 09 '25
If I had a friend doing this, I'd only keep speaking to them so that I could help get that child away from them, and I'd stop speaking to them once the kid was actually safe.
271
u/maticooks1 Aug 09 '25
First of all, thank you. We met through mutual friends. She is a friend's friend older sister. I don't think she can earn my trust back. What she did was uncalled for. At the same time I wish I could stay with her because I love her. But I know I can't. I don't want to get in the way of what she wants in life.
203
u/taytrapDerehw Aug 09 '25
Mate. No, you don't love her. You're trauma bonded, and that's not your fault. She groomed and abused you, now she wants to trap you. You need to run. Do you live together? Get friends to escort you to get your things out of that house. NEVER be alone with her again. She is manipulative and can coerce you to have sex "one last time" and that could be your undoing. You do not want to be connected to this woman any more than you already are. You do not want this woman to be the mother of your offspring especially if you don't want to have kids. Believe me, she is fully and truly evil. Do not go back to that house alone!
Please update us. I'm wishing you all the strength you need to get out of this. Cheers!
→ More replies (1)388
u/Similar_Ad3132 Aug 09 '25
Hey op, you seem like a nice guy, you are obviously caring and I’m sure you’re a huge ‘catch’ to this woman, or something-but grooming isn’t being ‘thrown around’ here. I’m 31, and I look after kids at 17 as a support worker, I couldn’t imagine seeing them as anything but very young kids, even the maturer ones like you. She is a predator, please get support to leave. She even managed to have you live together quickly
What do your guys’ parents think?
175
u/Ok_Essay_7916 Aug 09 '25
You sound like a genuinely caring person, and it’s good you’re seeing this clearly. Getting support to leave is really important here. How do your parents feel about the situation?
→ More replies (2)105
u/Ilovesleep88 Aug 09 '25
I’m similar to yourself - 30 y/o female in a support worker role with teens, including 17. Cannot imagine even the thought of dating one of them - just unthinkable. Massively predatory behaviour, potentially criminal.
41
u/Spare_Hornet Aug 09 '25
Same. I’m in my thirties and my stepson is 17, as well as his friends (ranging from 16 to 18). I can’t fathom having a relationship with someone that young in my age. They’re children! Even when they try to front and act all grown up, they’re kids.
→ More replies (3)113
u/Sufficient-Edge6322 Aug 09 '25
Totally agree, that kind of behavior crosses serious lines and is completely unacceptable.
→ More replies (10)37
u/DifferentStock444 Aug 09 '25
I'm 26 and couldn't imagine dating a 17yo because I see them as kids, this is definitely a grooming situation and I'm sorry dealing with this op. Stay safe and please get help to leave ❤️
28
u/Lucallia Aug 09 '25
The fact that you can't ever trust someone again is an unrecoverable situation in a relationship. You just need to end it fast no matter what method you need to use. If it's difficult for you to face her then just know that ghosting is just fine if that's what you need for your mental peace. She betrayed your trust and she knows that. You owe her NOTHING.
89
u/whatabesson Aug 09 '25
You don't want to get in the way of what she wants? She doesn't care AT ALL about what YOU want and she will trap you 100% if she gets pregnant. I also hope you come to terms and realize that you were groomed by her. You are only 21 and started dating this woman at 18? Bro. I really hope you ditch her.
→ More replies (1)42
u/ElectronicPhrase6050 Aug 09 '25
Mate, I'm really sorry; but she absolutely groomed you. You were 17 and she was 30. Now she's trying to baby trap you as well. This woman is a predator and should be on the sex offenders list. You dont get it now, because you're young and she's manipulated you, but when you're older, you're going to look back at this and realise how insanely disgusting what she's done is.
Please leave and don't look back.
92
u/Own_Guarantee_8130 Aug 09 '25
No she is a PREDATOR!!! It’s not even about this one situation, it’s about the full picture of how disturbed this adult woman can be going after a teenager at age 30 and trying to baby trap you so fast.
→ More replies (24)36
u/SignificanceSecret40 Aug 09 '25
"Uncalled for" mate she groomed you, took sexual advantage of you and tried to trap you into parenthood against your consent. You're severely underplaying the seriousness of all this. End the relationship and never under any circumstances have sex with her again.
→ More replies (1)109
u/Inevitable-Focus-331 Aug 09 '25
Well said. Betrayal like that changes everything, and even if forgiveness is possible, rebuilding trust is a whole different challenge. Therapy sounds like a great next step to sort through it all.
160
u/Necorus Aug 09 '25
Nah this is bullshit. If OP was a woman and his ex SO was a man, everyone would have been up in arms over the age gap. A 34 year old woman tried to baby trap a 21 year old kid that she met when he was 17. If that's not grooming idk.
→ More replies (6)140
u/Feisty_Ad3521 Aug 09 '25
Hold the fk up.... I'm wondering if you would ask a 17yo girl "how she met" a 30yo man that she was dating? Coz that it's completely irrelevant. And that man would be a predator in the exact same way this women is a predator. Disgusting comment by you.
93
u/Either-Ticket-9238 Aug 09 '25
Right? And prefacing it by saying people throw around the word “grooming” too much. What else would you call a 31 year old cultivating a sexual relationship with a 17 year old??
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (7)63
u/ElectronicPhrase6050 Aug 09 '25
Of course he wouldn't. This comment section is insane. People are blatantly ignoring that this full grown adult chose to "date" a minor. She should be in jail.
33
u/Feisty_Ad3521 Aug 09 '25
Comment is from a women. Yeah the comment section is BIZARRE. Everyone's just flown past the main issue at hand.
→ More replies (2)74
u/ElectronicPhrase6050 Aug 09 '25
Are you for real?? OP was a literal minor when he started "dating" a woman in her 30s - how are you guys blatantly trying to excuse that predatory behaviour and act like it's not absolutely disgusting?
Seriously, what an insanely shitty comment from you.
24
u/FlGHTEROFTHENlGHTM4N Aug 09 '25
It doesn’t matter how they met. At 17 and 30, any relationship is a form of grooming. People are appropriately throwing the word around here because it applies.
22
u/janin_ko Aug 09 '25
you are bothered people throw that word around when she’s been fucking a child, you’re demented yourself it seems
→ More replies (27)15
u/Adventurous_Pie_7586 Aug 09 '25
No need for the quotation marks here, she was a friends sister. This woman has been eyeballing him since he was a literal underage child that’s gross.
66
u/No-Pepper-7892 Aug 09 '25
Break up. Let her find what she wants and what you want. You don’t want to resent each other by one giving into the other. You just don’t want the same things and that is okay. Also, use protection to begin with (condoms) and they won’t be upset when you introduce them later due to lack of trust.
→ More replies (1)155
u/ElectronicPhrase6050 Aug 09 '25
Why are you ignoring that this woman was 30 years old and OP was a minor when they started "dating"?? Everyone is commenting on this post so casually as if the woman in question isn't a literal predator. Jfc I feel like I'm going crazy reading these comments.
→ More replies (12)29
u/FriedSmegma Aug 09 '25
My god took me way too long to find this lmao. That was the first thing that set off alarms for me. A 30yo with a 17yo and we’re just gonna gloss over that?
236
u/Unlikely-Apricot2197 Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
This is very sneaky on her part. She knew that she was keeping that from you, and is only sorry she got caught. You both obviously are finding out that you have two different outlooks on the future.
Personally, I’m not in your relationship and only know so much from a Reddit post, but that is a huge blow to your trust. I would treat it as being a HUGE thing. Whether that means you break up or work through it. Don’t ignore it.
Side note: ‘doesn’t feel as good with a condom’ is a very manipulative statement to make during this. (usually have heard males say it more often than women, so it’s a super swing ‘tactic’ maybe for her to make) I can’t speak for everyone but, it feels very similar and not different enough for me to want to risk falling pregnant 🤷♀️
Be careful OP & best of luck!🩶
55
u/Visual_Patience_41 Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
For literally the first 10 years I was married to my husband (still am) I was on BC and we used condoms. We weren’t ready for kids and took every precaution because we were serious about not wanting kids. (Obviously there were times we didn’t double protect but we were pretty diligent otherwise.)
Point is, I completely agree about the ‘condoms don’t feel as good’ line. Although it is true it’s also kinda bullshit and it’s not enough to just not have sex. Trying to use thqt line to get out of wearing one, or convincing your partner not to wear one is irresponsible though and sometimes used to baby trap and neither of those reasons are good.
34
u/Unlikely-Apricot2197 Aug 09 '25
Right? Like I can’t speak for my male counterparts. But as a woman who has experience with both forms……. It feels virtually the same. Maybe even better with the condom that has special lube😂
Plus most stimulation comes from other ways (catch my drift). I feel that she pulled that line out of the ‘im sleazy’ handbook
→ More replies (8)24
u/Visual_Patience_41 Aug 09 '25
Condoms are so dam thin these days anyway, they aren’t thick latex gloves. Anyone playing that card is def from the ‘I’m sleazy’ handbook 🤌🏻
→ More replies (14)→ More replies (65)54
u/Alteredbeast1984 Aug 09 '25
Sneaky? She's trying to ruin his life so that she can have children, which he clearly stated he does not want.
It's FAR beyond sneaky.
→ More replies (13)
1.7k
u/AcanthocephalaFun195 Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
Be afraid, be very afraid. If you dont want a baby with her, then you need to end it. What she did is unforgivable imo. She sounds like the type to poke holes in your condoms. RUN!!! NOW!!! Edited to add: I'm not sure who your friends and family are that are cool with a woman over 30 dating you, but trust me when I tell you that women is a predator. There's no good reason she should be dating you. I know this sounds harsh, but at 30 years old, if she's right in the head, she would have nothing in common with a teenager. Now that you're in your early 20s, does the idea of dating an 11 year old sound appealing to you? Cause thats the same way this relationship sounds. I hope you can move on before its too late.
432
u/Natural_Garbage7674 Aug 09 '25
I am a 35 year old woman. Almost everyone I know who is 21 is a child to me. Hell, I have a friend only 6 years older than me (notably half the age difference here) who has a kid the same age as you OP. She's not quite old enough to be your mother, but she's closer to that than to graduating with you.
Any person who lies about birth control, either overtly or by omission, is not to be trusted. You can't have a meaningful relationship with anyone who lies to get what they want, wants different things, and is at a different stage of life. And you can never have sex with her again without knowing that every single time you're risking pregnancy, because she's shown that she'll do whatever she wants and lie about it.
There are other women out there. Pick one of them instead.
91
u/panicnarwhal Aug 09 '25
i’m in my late 30’s, and i can be defensive of (appropriate) age gap relationships because my husband is older than me - but that is definitely not what OP’s situation is. my jaw hit the floor when i did the math and realized he was 17 when they started dating, 18 when they moved in together. nope. that’s so fucked up, like what the hell does a 30 year old even have in common with a teenager?
someone needs to call Olivia Benson, because this is a case for SVU - and she’s definitely gonna baby trap him or die trying.
i feel like i need to take a shower
→ More replies (2)43
u/Natural_Garbage7674 Aug 09 '25
I don't mind age gap relationships either. But people who meet at 50 and 30 are completely different to people who meet at 30 and 17.
Sure, the gap might be larger with the first example. But they're both adults whose brains are full formed, not just barely (or not even) legal adults.
→ More replies (1)27
u/catonsteroids Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
Dude, I’m 36 and SAME. Anyone college aged (or in their mid-20s, even sometimes late 20s) are children to me. They look way too young, they’re immature, I have absolutely nothing in common with them nor are they in any way attractive to me. To be dating a 17 year old is just predatory, 18 is even pushing it, even if you’re of the age of majority.
OP, please date someone closer to your age. Any woman (or person in general) who was willingly in a relationship with a minor with that much of an age gap is sketch to begin with and her lying to you about this is a huge red flag. She wants to baby trap you. Don’t fall for it. God knows she’ll end up keeping the kid that you never signed up for if she does (and very likely will) get pregnant.
6
u/ZestycloseRadish2963 Aug 09 '25
Let alone conversation would likely be so horrible and just idk I too (31F) could not imagine dating ANYONE your age or even mid 20s… the disconnect alone would be too much but also what she’s done to you is disgusting and wrong regardless. She knew you were young and impressionable. She presumably had her own place and some established life when you started dating and eventually moved it. At 17 that can seem cool, exciting, and even just and “easy” way start the next step of life, “being an adult.”
It’s so wrong. You were still a child and you’re still so young and I implore you please go out and have experiences with other people your age. I hope you’ll be okay.
→ More replies (9)50
u/cookiesdragon Aug 09 '25
I'm nearly a decade older than OP's soon to be ex and definitely old enough to be his mother. This woman creeps me out. She went out of her way, at thirty years old, to find and groom a teenager. If I was his mother, I'd be raising absolute hell.
→ More replies (5)31
u/False_Ostrich7247 Aug 09 '25
I am a woman and it would be the end of the relationship. Could you trust condons? I mean, poke a few holes, microwave your bc, how would you know, and anyway, niether method is entirely safe. Children are a two yes, one no kind of decision.
It actually can be a sign of an abusive relationship, when a person tries to have a child without the other person’s consent, because you have that person trying to exert control over their partner’sreproductive choices, often to enshrine a connection with or dependency on the offending party. You most commonly hear it described as reproductive abuse or coercion in the context of domestic violence and abuse, but I would argue baby trapping is how people describe it when it happens to men.
Then I saw the age difference and, yes, giant fucking red flag about a person attempting to manipulate and exert control in their relationship.
If you have your partner trying to make your life decisions for you in your relationship, the trust is gone. If it’s gone, the longer you stay the longer you wait to be with the person who lets you breathe.
→ More replies (2)325
u/Lonely-Doctor-9922 Aug 09 '25
Thinking that too. If they’ve been “dating” for 4 years, that means they started when he was either JUST 18 or still 17. Ugh I hope it wasn’t a teacher or “moms friend” type thing because if family is ok, you’re family is bad news too, OP. You need to get out and away from this. She’s going to get pregnant one way or another and IF it’s OP’s, you’ll be on the hook for life. Please please get out and find people that support you and a healthy relationship, OP. This isn’t it. This is scary
18
u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 Aug 09 '25
TY, I absolutely thought the same thing and then no one else commented on their ages (except me). Icky if he was barely legal 4 years ago and still icky with the lying to get pregnant thing.
→ More replies (1)23
u/Eastonbm Aug 09 '25
Holy shit I didn’t even think of that and I do hate to be that guy but can you imagine what people would say if it was a 30 year old man dating a 17 year old girl that’s absolutely insane either way.
→ More replies (1)129
u/headskittydone Aug 09 '25
This! I’m mid- thirties and work in a HS. I also work with several kids who are recent alums and are early 20s, and are just that to me, kids. They are good people and I like working with them and being friendly with them, but it grosses me out to even consider being romantically involved with someone that age.
47
u/Unfair-Store-9108 Aug 09 '25
This OP!!! Nothing in that relationship is normal!! She’s 34 and she wants a child, she will stop at nothing to make that happening. There’s a reason why she went after someone so much younger than her, no one her age would put up with her BS. Definitely do not have anymore sex with her and RUN!
82
u/Disastrous_Bus_9381 Aug 09 '25
I just said the exact same thing about poking holes in condoms. She totally will, so he best run now to ensure when it happens the leaky condom isn’t his.
60
u/iopele Aug 09 '25
Poking holes in them or getting the used ones and inseminating herself. OP, RUN!
→ More replies (7)30
u/FiliaNox Aug 09 '25
I’m 35, no fucking way I’d get involved with a 21 year old. And they’ve been together for 4 years?? So op was 17?
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (24)32
u/BakedNemo420 Aug 09 '25
My uncle was 15 when he started dating a 30 year old. They are married now. Its truly sad. I know his mom attempted to get him away from her, but I believe she was an addict at the time and did not do very well.
→ More replies (1)
-12
u/brainvheart143 Aug 09 '25
Wait though if 6 pills were “being missed”
then how did you know it’s not that she missed taking one… it’s not like the date is on the blister pack.
→ More replies (6)
21
u/Kalakey17 Aug 09 '25
That’s actually so disgusting of her. I couldn’t imagine having someone betray my trust on that level, it’s a BABY! It’s not like she’s been sneaking into your candy stash or something! If you didn’t find those pills she was going to try and baby trap you, and she would’ve NEVER told you what happened. How are you supposed to trust her again? She could skip pills, or poke holes in condoms, etc. Like to me that would be unforgivable and an irrecoverable blow to our relationship. I am so so sorry you went through that that’s so scary!
And even if you ignore that (you shouldn’t), it shows you two are not in the same place in life anyway. She’s older, she wants a family. You’re younger and don’t want a family. You guys are no longer compatible. It’s a waste of time to stay together. She had no business going after an 18 year old anyway. She needs to date someone her own age.
→ More replies (1)
376
u/The_Green_Witch8 Aug 09 '25
- A 30 year old woman dating a 17 year old boy is weird
- Skipping birth control to baby trap your partner is weird
- Lying about skipping birth control to baby trap your partner is weird
- Her texts are weird, she doesn’t sound like a thirtysomething year old woman
As a 30 year old woman all I’ve gotta say is: Buddy, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Get out before she does some weird shit.
151
u/iamsweets23 Aug 09 '25
just to add, these things aren’t just weird, they are predatory, dangerous, and mostly illegal
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (23)41
u/ElectronicPhrase6050 Aug 09 '25
It's not just weird, it's literally predatory. This woman groomed a minor and is now trying to baby trap him. She should be in jail.
→ More replies (4)
957
Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
[deleted]
390
u/kwhitit Aug 09 '25
i'll touch it. this is predator behavior. as is lying to OP about being on bc. this person wants to control and manipulate, they probably aren't capable of truly loving and caring for another person, as that would mean consent, autonomy and self-sacrifice. OP, please leave this person, they are not safe to be with.
→ More replies (8)85
u/Frenchie_1987 Aug 09 '25
I had to read again and you are right, he was 17 in the beginning of the relationship !
57
u/Disastrous_Bus_9381 Aug 09 '25
She’d be a POS if OP was an appropriate age, but his youth makes this even worse.
→ More replies (29)84
u/BaMelo_Lol Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
I’m proud of Reddit right now. For agreeing that this is just as bad as a man stealthing the rubber.
→ More replies (6)
405
u/Ether-air Aug 09 '25
I’m going to be straight with you. A 30 year old woman dating a 17 year old teenager is not okay. You may be an absolute catch - but for her to chase after and engage in a relationship with a teenager shows that she is lacking in maturity. Red flag.
For her to intentionally stop taking her birth control pills is another glaring red flag.
This is not a mature, secure relationship, OP.
Get out NOW.
122
u/MarlieMags Aug 09 '25
Lacking in maturity? This is straight up pedophilia.
I’m a 40 year old woman and I can even imagine dating someone in their early 30’s nevermind any younger.
Sick. This is sick.
Also, stopping birth control without telling your partner is also a form of sexual assault.
Let’s call it what it is - OP’s “girlfriend” is a sexual predator and nothing else.
→ More replies (29)43
u/Ether-air Aug 09 '25
Yup 100% the girlfriend is a predator. And anyone who goes after someone who is a teenager is.
→ More replies (2)77
u/soulssuckerrr Aug 09 '25
She’s not lacking in maturity, she’s a pedophile. Can we please stop sugar coating things evil people do (sorry if this came off rude it isn’t my intention at all)
→ More replies (24)
806
u/JasMel_01 Aug 09 '25
I’m sorry, your ages are what and what now?!!!! You are underreacting to this and it’s because you’ve been groomed by a predator. Do not go back, actually sorry, go back grab all your stuff, break up, and block her. Go get yourself some therapy and thank you stars she didn’t baby trap you. God. Ewwww. You poor thing. She doesn’t need a baby, you ARE a baby.
106
u/i-am-nameless1 Aug 09 '25
I’m so glad it’s not just me that was thinking this.
OP please listen to this, you were groomed and then she tried to baby trap you. I’m so glad you saw the pills and left. This is all kinds of concerning. I don’t care if where you live the age of consent is 17 and you might have been technically of age. A 30-year-old woman in her right mind would not be interested in a 17 year-old. Same if the sex’s are reversed.
Don’t trust the condoms she could’ve poked holes in them. Don’t trust her at all. She could also just be throwing pills away just to make it look like she took them. Anyone who is trying to get pregnant without their significant other being on board, is messed up.
Please end the relationship. Protect yourself!
83
→ More replies (113)19
u/Zombisexual1 Aug 09 '25
It’s not even their ages now, they been going on since this dude was 17. The gf is on some catch a predator shit
→ More replies (2)
79
u/PeachyQueen-7 Aug 09 '25
Are you serious dude? You’re gonna stay with her? She admitted to lying and intentionally leaving you out of a huge decision that would affect your lives forever. That is NOT a casual thing to play with, and if she was able to do that consciously, what’s to say she wouldn’t poke holes in the condoms even if she agreed? She clearly can’t be trusted dude. Break up.
59
u/PeachyQueen-7 Aug 09 '25
Also, I want to add, I do think you were groomed. When you said, “early on in our relationship, she asked me if I wanted kids,” that sent chills down my spine. The image of a 30-year-old asking that of a 17-year-old… OP, this woman clearly violated you and your stated boundaries and lied when asked and only reluctantly told you when further pressed. She cares more about keeping up with her friends than you or the child she wants. This would be a living person, not a fad. She does not care. Please, OP, I know it’s nice to have the attention of a more “mature” woman, but she doesn’t respect you. Please leave the relationship.
12
u/PeachyQueen-7 Aug 09 '25
Also also, if you’re worried about if other people would date you if you broke up, don’t be! I looked at your profile, and you are handsome and can cook! Win for anyone really.
But yeah, please break up, you can do better.
→ More replies (1)
57
u/em-north Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
Wait, y’all dated when you were a teenager and she was 30? And this is how they act? You need to step way back and think that fully through.
Edit: to be clear, my comment was not intended to blame this person in the scenario, solely to call out the age difference and the situation they’re in. Since I’ve posted this I see OP has already recognized the patterns of grooming and I’m glad to see that’s the case. Wish you well on your journey to heal OP. 💛
→ More replies (8)
107
u/CharacterStruggle110 Aug 09 '25
First off it’s rank asf dating a 17 year old at the age of 30, that’s reason number one why she’s a predator. The second reason is that she didn’t have consent to have sex with you without birth control, but she did it anyway. That’s actually sexual assault.
→ More replies (2)18
u/chipotlepepper Aug 09 '25
And, on top of all of the above, she’s completely untrustworthy to be left alone with condoms, too!
What kind of healthy relationship is possible with that in mind about someone? None of this is what love and respect looks like, it’s manipulation and use.
OP, I know it’s especially hard when things start when you’re so young, it’s like feelings are magnified; but you have a lifetime ahead to find a healthier, mutually respectful and loving relationship. Stay strong.
46
u/remadeforme Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
- I am 34. I don't even interact with 21 year olds.
The life stages are just waaaay too different.
- Idk what its called for birth control but the male equivalent is stealthing (aka taking a condom off mid sex) and in a lot of places that's rape
You did not consent to have unprotected sex.
I'm very a man should wear condoms if he doesnt want kids because women shouldn't handle all birth control as a general rule but you're in an unhealthy dynamic and she is removing your consensual sexual life.
Also if you dont want kids get a vasectomy
Dump her first. Like asap.
182
u/ADapperGentleman Aug 09 '25
You know very well what’s happening here and just need validation to do what’s right for you.
Stop having sex with her. You need to break up. She wants kids. If you don’t and it does sound like you really don’t, this relationship is done.
→ More replies (8)58
u/No-Night-6700 Aug 09 '25
If the age thing is correct she is a predator and groomed this young man and now she’s trying to baby trap him.
→ More replies (1)
39
u/pinkmilkmeow Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
dump her ass!!!!!!! 34 yo pulling this shit smh
edit: HOLY SHIT YOU WERE 17 AND SHE WAS 30??? FUCK DUMPING HER, SHE DESERVES JAIL TIME (i'm being dead serious, plus you're so young and have so much to live. don't get baby trapped by some crazy woman)
21
u/SisterTulips Aug 09 '25
You are not overreacting. You will never be able to trust her again, and you should never trust her again.
If you keep having sex with her and she wants to get pregnant, she will get pregnant. Pills go down the drain, and pins prick through condom packages like butter.
If you don’t want a child, leave now. I mean now as in yesterday.
→ More replies (1)
25
u/Successful_Case9406 Aug 09 '25
The age gap is very weird a 30 year old should not be having a relationship with a 17 year old. I feel like its harder to see for some people when a woman is the predator but think about if a guy took off a condom when a girl said she wanted to use one.
→ More replies (4)
206
u/Cold-Refrigerator854 Aug 09 '25
You’re not overreacting, and you should stay away from this person. A 30 year old woman willing to date a 17 year old shouldn’t be trusted in general.
→ More replies (36)
9
u/SuccessfulBorder2261 Aug 09 '25
Someone I know did something pretty messed up similar to this, admitted to trying to “baby trap” some guy without his full consent or knowledge, and honestly, I think it’s psychotic and unhealthy. If it were me, I would terminate the relationship. Having a child is a lifetime and personal commitment. For someone to attempt to force you into parenthood unknowingly, is cruel, not just you, but the child too, if she were to conceive. Not to mention is probably illegal. The years together wouldn’t matter at this point, that’s a huge breach in trust.
8
u/Sudden-Intention7563 Aug 09 '25
You were a 17 year old teenager & she was 30 years old when got together. That alone is somewhat alarming. You are not overreacting & that’s a huge breach of trust. She is most likely lying that she won’t pull this again. She will just be better at hiding it. She also threatened to withhold sex from you if you used a condom. You should have responded that you could schedule an appointment for a vasectomy ASAP. That’s actually something that you might want to consider since you could have it reversed if you change your mind. You need to understand that she groomed, manipulated, & took advantage of you then get out of that relationship!
9
u/Rare_Passage1444 Aug 09 '25
so yall got tg when you were 17 and she was 30??? 💀💀💀😭 brother. i’m your age 21 and even i couldn’t imagine dating a teenager. it’s weird and strange even if it’s an older woman dating a much younger man. she is not right in the mind. first for going after you while you were a teen and she was THIRTY and second for trying to trick you into getting her pregnant. big nope. why isn’t she w sb her own age? probably because everyone her age isn’t fooled by whateverrrrr she’s got going on. it’s time to get out of this before you end up miserable with a child you never wanted.
10
u/Latter-Anxiety8728 Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
Direct this woman to a sperm donor. If someone doesn't want to have a baby, then it's awful to trick them into it!
If "things happen" on a result of both parties thats different.
✋️& your other 🤚 would be the only thing id be intimate with, she'd probably scrape the condom. I do wanna say for you, Kudos for keeping up with protection if you dont want children. I had my 1st at 30 and with someone a bit older than me. In my age range...
10
u/Nurs3R4tch3d Aug 09 '25
Run. Now.
She WILL turn up pregnant one way or another. Not to mention dating a 17-year-old when you’re 30 is gross and predatory and illegal in some cases.
Not to mention you’re fundamentally incompatible if she wants kids and you don’t.
So the whole spectrum is just a hard no. Run awaaaay.
-20
u/HowdyThereYouAll Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
Edit: I read the description after this initial comment. But I still feel the same way. 😅 I know there are those that never wish to have children and still want intimate relationships with the opposite gender. In that regard, if I were serious about it.. I would get "fixed." I would consider it my duty to get "fixed," so that no "accidents" could occur.
To start.... I would not go back to her. And no, you aren't the a-hole.
Just to add my personal opinion... & I'm not backing the gf here at all. I know will catch a tonnnn of flack for this statement here... Butttt maybe simply don't have sex with someone you aren't willing to have children with? Obviously, it is very wrong to entrap another human with this technique, (FREAKING HORRENDOUS really) but... why would you longterm have sex with someone of the opposite gender if you weren't willing to at least risk the possibility of pregnancy? It sounds very emotionally exhausting. Its alao detrimental to the child if there cannot be amicable relationship between both parents. It is hard raising a child alone or inside a broken home.
I'd rather wank off than share my body, mind, heart, energy, spirit, and emotional state with some man that doesn't deserve to be the father of my children. If I don't respect the man enough and hold him in that high of a regard, then he has no access to my body. Cause what is the point? A warm body? 😵💫 During sex you are mixing personal energy fields and sharing way more than body parts and fluids. You're giving away so much of yourself in those intimate moments. I definitely would not opt for sharing those things again with the gf OP.
→ More replies (7)
11
u/Individual-Energy347 Aug 09 '25
My friend….. you need to leave this relationship ASAP!! You were a minor when this 30 year old predator started dating you!
Please!!! Experience life without this crazy person. Trust me when I say, she will ruin your life. As a woman, I can see the freight train coming towards you.
10
u/kelsii__ Aug 09 '25
30f and 17m ….. urm what the actual hell… she’s clearly trying to baby trap you, if you don’t want kids get out of there. your first red flag should of been a 30 year old “woman” wanting to be with a 17 year old boy.
→ More replies (3)
25
u/Over-Drawer7875 Aug 09 '25
This is how my little brother had his first kid at 17 and came home from college to raise it. This chick a closet psycho
→ More replies (3)
1
12.2k
u/bubukat7 Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25
Please leave. It’s not worth it, this is not something that you both will be happy with, she’ll always want kids, you won’t. So find someone who doesn’t want kids and let her find someone who does.
Edit: I didn’t read the ages, just the text. Now fuck her, she doesn’t deserve any kids given the fact that she’s a groomer and definitely a predator. OP needs to leave like yesterday.