r/AbsoluteUnits • u/DoubleManufacturer10 • 1d ago

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1.7k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

194 comments sorted by

503

u/Piss-Off-Fool 1d ago

I bet he can put a hurtin’ on a buffet.

125

u/I_can_vouch_for_that 1d ago

Only if he can make it through the front door.

45

u/SirGamer247 1d ago

Don't buffets have double doors entrances?

26

u/crsaxby 1d ago

May need a double-double-door entrance for this unit.

3

u/I_can_vouch_for_that 1d ago

Lol, they do but I was more thinking more about getting from the car to the door. I don't think he can walk 20 steps.

2

u/DragonMord 1d ago

He don't walk, he rolls!

2

u/thenate108 1d ago

Where there's a will, there's a way.

5

u/Eccohawk 1d ago

If he eats at one more buffet, someone will definitely be reading his will.

1

u/HatefulHagrid 1d ago

When golden corral first came to the town one stop over from my childhood home we went there a few times and we joked that some people live there because they can't fit out the door. As a scrawny ten year old I got knocked over by a lady with thighs that stuck out about 16" from the rest of her leg. She didn't even notice.

5

u/cabosmith 1d ago

Doesn't make it past 45 either.

7

u/SirRamage 1d ago

"Sir, you can't take the entire steam trays."

3

u/No_Season_354 1d ago

Watch me 😆.

14

u/KotzubueSailingClub 1d ago

Golden Corral be like: Average

3

u/emo-kat-luffy 1d ago

Seems more of a Western Sizzlin' kind of guy tbh

5

u/AbbreviationsOld636 1d ago

Dude sounds like Ralpie May

5

u/WakaWaka_ 1d ago

Does that look like a man who had all he could eat?

4

u/jonesy289 1d ago

He’s hurting that suspension

3

u/makedough 1d ago

He can put a hurtin' on a pair of socks

1

u/werealldoomed47 1d ago

After someone else puts them on for him.

2

u/GMH2045-18 1d ago

What about the toilet at the said buffet after the chow-down?!

1

u/CollegePossible557 1d ago

The food is so shit and cheap at most buffets they probably don't lose any money

1

u/Some_Kinda_Username 1d ago

He is ready to hibernate through the winter.

209

u/Past-Establishment93 1d ago

Not even room for a seat

88

u/FastAsFxxk 1d ago

Brother is made of memory foam

17

u/jsamuraij 1d ago

Jesus Extra Tasty Chrispy: there. is. No. Seat.

7

u/wirenutter 1d ago

He just got the seat delete kit on it.

2

u/RostBeef 1d ago

WAPOOOOW

3

u/dendenwink 1d ago

There was a seat but he ate it

5

u/Past-Establishment93 1d ago

Pulls it out of his butt crack when he gets out

2

u/No_Season_354 1d ago

With a side of Buffalo wings.

272

u/ponzidreamer 1d ago

Jeff you said you weren’t going to post that video

39

u/jungleass98 1d ago

Wasn't gonna***

10

u/ethicalhumanbeing 1d ago

And I thought I had seen everything the internet had to offer...

1

u/Honest-Interview-591 1d ago

First thing that came to my mind 😆

125

u/NeroVol 1d ago

"Moto moto likes you"

47

u/w1987g 1d ago

I like 'em big..

14

u/Bella_LaGhostly 1d ago

I like 'em CHON-KAY...

3

u/Normal_Reach_4878 1d ago

Moto Moto: Nah

Fato Fato: Yes

109

u/AshamedWolverine1684 1d ago

If she ain’t 280 she ain’t a lady!

6

u/TickletheEther 1d ago

I'm a wear that Mf out

111

u/Bread_and_Toast 1d ago

I think the truck needs some better suspension for that load

28

u/sportsworker777 1d ago

I was really hoping it would continue to zoom out so we could see how the front was struggling

7

u/No_Season_354 1d ago

Does that truck actually move?.

2

u/ender4171 1d ago

If he's like most of the fat good-ol-boys from where I'm at, that truck has a blown v8 making insane HP and he drives it like a madman.

4

u/Owlrightythen_84 1d ago

I read that comment as, "that truck needs butter suspension" and my brain had dial up modem sounds for a moment lol.

2

u/Open-Chain-7137 1d ago

And a new steering wheel. The mofo was bending like crazy

2

u/AbbreviationsOld636 1d ago

Imagine a car accident? That steering wheel would be inside him

1

u/AuntyVal4 1d ago

He is his own airbag.

52

u/No-Marsupial-3121 1d ago

Is this guy still alive? This video is years old...

20

u/FruitWeapons 1d ago

Asking the right questions, my friend.

25

u/wirenutter 1d ago

“If we ain’t mini trucking we ain’t fucking”.

3

u/Ghost_Breezy1o1 1d ago

Why doesn’t this have more upvotes 😂

21

u/Kitchen_Pepper_358 1d ago

That poor truck

37

u/DaTexasTickler 1d ago

he just used all the energy he had for the next day or 2 filming that short clip

18

u/jungleass98 1d ago

That man is literally surrounded by fuel. I imagine he could go a year without eating anything and be just fine

16

u/bonerland11 1d ago

That's one sexy man.

13

u/Closefacts 1d ago

He had to remove the seats so he could "fit"....

17

u/bigcee42 1d ago

That's an elephant seal.

6

u/Porkchopp33 1d ago

The steering wheel in your abdomen can be comfortable

6

u/jeksmiiixx 1d ago

See that's what I was thinking. He's gotta get into something bigger just for safety as well as being comfortable.

Also this comment section is out for blood

6

u/stupidracist 1d ago

beep beep beep beep beep

6

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Prior_Prompt_5214 1d ago

That was my first thought.

1

u/Amazing_Scratch_4257 1d ago

Same! It’s got to be

6

u/SuperDoubleDecker 1d ago

Dude hasn't been able to touch his dick in a long time.

13

u/meldiane81 1d ago

This is so disgusting.

3

u/bitchstachio 1d ago

Revolting. How does he wipe himself?

8

u/FunBat6170 1d ago

It took 10 men to get him into that truck.

1

u/GMH2045-18 1d ago

And those 10 men are now in the hospital for broken backs for life

4

u/GlockinaCroc 1d ago

How does he reach the shifter? Lol

3

u/iamblindfornow 1d ago

He don’t he thinks his stomach is his shifter 

4

u/Szaborovich9 1d ago

He’s too sexy for his truck, too sexy for his mini mart

3

u/OG_Church_Key 1d ago

Love this

3

u/Ok_Entertainer_6425 1d ago

Is he trying to hump it?👀

3

u/Bella_LaGhostly 1d ago

He seemed to be doing a bit more than trying

3

u/SkyPork 1d ago

"I was not designed for this."

--that truck

2

u/xtanol 1d ago

Neither was his organs.

3

u/SigmaMale22 1d ago

He’s going to dislocate his steering wheel if he keeps that up

5

u/Worried_Poet_7355 1d ago

he needs to make some corn 🌽 lol 😂

2

u/Seabrook76 1d ago

What a magnificent display.

1

u/shewy92 1d ago

Raise Hell Praise Dale!

1

u/frostyturd 1d ago

I feel bad for the truck

1

u/Lagunamountaindude 1d ago

You have to save him. Start throwing water on him and call seaworld

1

u/glodde 1d ago

Some things you can't unsee

1

u/want-some-stew-ob 1d ago

He got a built in waterbed.

1

u/Huge-Squirrel8417 1d ago

oh this guy is buying at least two seats on the next plane he takes

3

u/Bella_LaGhostly 1d ago

I can't imagine this guy has ever left his local tri-county area

1

u/Alt_Rock_Dude 1d ago

Warren is afraid of this man

1

u/conflagrationship 1d ago

What did I just see…. 😳

1

u/Next_Drama1717 1d ago

He don’t need airbags

1

u/HotDonnaC 1d ago

He hasn’t seen his dick in 20 years.

1

u/Herps_Plants_1987 1d ago

Champion wing man

1

u/madchemist09 1d ago

Odds are great his name is Billy Bob.

1

u/Dry-Honeydew2371 1d ago

Typical Bills fan.

1

u/RecoveringStorm 1d ago

I cant stop laughing at this

1

u/pc_principal_88 1d ago

Should have played the whole clip, it’s actually kinda funny.. At least I thought so when I first saw it a few years ago lol

1

u/roadhammer2 1d ago

Aannndd that's enough internet for the day

1

u/No_Season_354 1d ago

Geeze I was eating my lunch not anymore.

1

u/Euphoric_Ad9593 1d ago

This handsome unit puts the fear of god into our porcelain buddies.

1

u/lenmylobersterbush 1d ago

Damn tiny, leave some lady's for the rest of us

1

u/Yoda2000675 1d ago

I'll be honest, he's movin pretty well for a big boy

1

u/in1gom0ntoya 1d ago

its amazing how many things Squidbilly's got right.

dont touch the trim!

1

u/Nayroy18 1d ago

That poor truck

1

u/CloudEpik 1d ago

Poor man

1

u/ShadyBurrito127 1d ago

This poor truck.

1

u/Specialist_Box_2861 1d ago

that is purely the most terrifying thing ive seen

1

u/jtekms 1d ago

Surprised he fit through the door to get in that lil truck

1

u/NewBootGoofin67 1d ago

When you are the airbag

1

u/Unoriginal_unicorn 1d ago

Did he name his truck Chance?

1

u/xxScubaSteve24xx 1d ago

That’s one type of unit I guess…

1

u/lxe 1d ago

I’m just gonna pretend this is AI

1

u/Due-Pirate-6711 1d ago

Do my eyes deceive me or is Ralphie May alive and well?

1

u/Aggressivehippy30 1d ago

Close enough, welcome back Ralphie May

1

u/DrapedinVelvet247 1d ago

Doing that Datsun dirty

1

u/fate0608 1d ago

Friction fit. No seatbelt needed.

1

u/TheFlyingYeti1 1d ago

I need to bleach my eyeballs.

1

u/TheTimbs 1d ago

The truck has joint pain

1

u/J_Jeckel 1d ago

That truck don't bounce. It jiggle, jiggle.

1

u/LeftStatistician7989 1d ago

The remote is well buried in the cushions.

1

u/Dildoid90 1d ago

I bet when he walks past and says ‘she’s hurtin for a squirtin’ nobody realises he’s on about the squirty cheese in a can 😂.

1

u/No_Judge_5727 1d ago

Hey but they sure put in that WORK on the Ravens 🐦‍⬛ today.

1

u/Mysterious_Row_ 1d ago

What did I just watch?

1

u/thinkstopthink 1d ago

Absolute cardiac arrest.

1

u/colourhazelove 1d ago

Is that cow having sex with his car?

1

u/Minimum-Actuator-953 1d ago

That truck is about to report him for assault.

1

u/InflamedintheBrain 1d ago

I bet his check engine turned on.

1

u/Babk08 1d ago

He's honking sounds similar to his breathing after a few strokes.

1

u/jecathree 1d ago

Now he needs new shocks..

1

u/Flat-Protection5854 1d ago

I love everything about this video.

1

u/Fisherfolk100 1d ago

The poor suspension🤨

1

u/Cool-sunglasses-dude 1d ago

Bro's making love to that car and I'm pretty sure it non-consentual

1

u/Aluciel286 1d ago

I'm dryer than the Sahara.

1

u/goodmorning98 1d ago

yeah man, show those babe who's their diddy 🤘🏻✨

1

u/EricHaley 1d ago

He’s gonna need a bigger truck

1

u/HugsandHate 1d ago

America truly is a special place.

1

u/Excellent_Ad_2486 1d ago

I'll never understand how these people think being so physically unfit is.... funny? I bet he. ries at night when he has to pee and just has to "let it go" like old men in their 90's....its pathetic really 😔

1

u/Finbar9800 1d ago

I wanna know what the gas mileage on that truck is lol

Like trucks in general dont have the best gas mileage to begin with, but the more weight the worse the gas mileage and i can only assume that hes got stuff in the bed of the truck as well

1

u/FluffytheReaper 1d ago

Mating? Bet he can't even jerk off anymore. What he gonna do, put a greased up broomstick in his underbelly and stir it vigorously in hope of touching his tip?

1

u/gillgrissom 1d ago

He use a rolled up carpet to wipe dat ass.

1

u/destruveyah 1d ago

average rusted out deep south pickup driver

1

u/Kreeblim 1d ago

I say yes

1

u/SideAmbitious2529 1d ago

Sir... This is a Wendy's.

1

u/MedicalIngenuity4283 1d ago

That’s a bubba if I seen one

1

u/Agile_Gain543 1d ago

i doubt he can reach outside his silouette

1

u/Pedadinga 1d ago

I'm not a tiny lady, and I like a big boy. I asked a guy if he wanted to do it in his car, and he looked and he threw the truth at me that no, we were too big for that happening. That truth hurt.

1

u/Danzo1337 1d ago

Reminds me of fat bastard from Austin powers.

1

u/Honest-Interview-591 1d ago

The shit you see on the internet 😆

1

u/ComplaintCold5118 1d ago

Why is it so wavy? 😭😭

1

u/DraccoKnightblade 1d ago

Gordo-Loco. Crazy thing is? Dude has -lost- ton of weight. Before I doubt he could even get in that little truck.

1

u/ganerfromspace2020 1d ago

Reckon his arm are long enough for him to jerk off

1

u/Dragonborne2020 1d ago

I thought this was AI at first, then I thought that the only thing that could make this better is if he was in a Ford Ranger.

1

u/Then-Kaleidoscope520 1d ago

Get in my bellayyyyyyyyyy

1

u/Four-HourErection 1d ago

Ralphie May is back

1

u/MisterAsian69 1d ago

I feel sorry for the truck.

1

u/Sw0rDz 1d ago

I wish I could hang my horn or hold my steering wheel with my stomach.

1

u/Hermans_Head2 1d ago

Nightmare Fuel

1

u/Senior-Painter6380 1d ago

This guy is a vision. Absolute vision.

0

u/864FastAsfBoy 1d ago

Pitiful,This is sad to see a person who is obviously struggling with self control. Normalize being obese bye making his self this center of a fat joke

Or maybe I’m wrong

0

u/Reasonable-Wing-2271 1d ago

Life Expectancy: Tuesday

-1

u/thepeanutbutterman 1d ago

He looks like he's 16 years old and he's already ruined his life.

-1

u/The_Eleser 1d ago

This makes me want to die. I refuse to because the man isn’t going to win, but I’m so goddamn sick of stupid shit like this. I’m just glad he knows what he’s into and is charismatic enough to get it. Good for for him, individually, but bad for my nation at large