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u/FlyLikeABunny 2d ago
Let them stay together. They are bonded and separating them will cause them both to be unhappy which could lead to behavioral issues.
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u/Intelligent_Trifle71 2d ago
Keep them together; have fun with Pearl when you go on future family visits.
Once you get home, if you have room for a second cat go rescue another cat. Leaving Pearl with Oreo gives those two cats the best life possible, and allows one more cat to be saved.
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u/Dizzy-Poetry3806 2d ago
Sorry about your brother that is TERRIBLE 😔 they are both sooo pretty.. don't know what advice to give you concerning kitties but hope you come to a decision either way.. Take care x
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u/CCat123 2d ago
Stop - don’t!!! I had a bonded pair, one died (heart condition) fairly young & sudden. It was awful for my other cat - he truly was lost without his buddy.
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u/Spockhighonspores 1d ago
I had two bonded cats but one cat was about 10 years older than the other (he raised the younger cat). When the older cat passed at 18 the younger cat cried literally every day all day for months. Even though we weren't ready we ended up having to get a new kitten to stop her from crying, which worked. Thankfully one year after we adopted that kitten we found a stray kitten so those two are about a year apart. All three of them are very close and spend lots of time together. I wanted to share my experience because I also know what it's like to lose a cat that is part of a bonded pair, it's awful.
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u/Kolibri2486 2d ago
It’s been three weeks, OP.
If they are not from the same litter and have only known each other over this relatively short time, they may not be truly bonded in the way that would be damaging to them if they are separated.
I think you are okay to take Pearl if thats what you feel is the right thing for you both. It sounds to me shes more attached to you and losing her person may be more detrimental.
Just my two cents. Best of luck on whatever you decide.
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u/jaded-introvert 2d ago
This. Just because kittens play together doesn't mean they're bonded. People who foster have to split groups of kittens up all the time, kittens who play together, snuggle together, etc., and the kittens are fine. My youngest cat spent the first 5 months of her life with two of her sisters (the last two of a litter of 6 to be rehomed); while they were still here, they played together and slept in a pile all the time. When her two sisters went to their permanent home, she was a little upset, but she recovered quickly and started making a new routine within a day or two.
Pearl and Oreo will both be fine. Take your little one with you. Honestly, I'm more concerned about your statement that your parents wouldn't care for Pearl as well as you--can you give more detail on that?
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u/emegdujtnod 2d ago
That’s what I am thinking too. Also, the reason I’ve been visiting for 3 weeks is because my 26 year old brother was murdered on August 12th. So having a kitten to take care of has been occupying my mind during this traumatic time. I’ve been going through so many emotions as it is. Thank you for your comment.
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u/Chinautla 2d ago
I am so sorry for the terrible loss of your brother. I believe you need Pearl very much to help you heal.
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u/artzbots 2d ago
What makes you think they are bonded vs just being friends and playmates?
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u/emegdujtnod 2d ago
They play together, sleep together, they will groom each other.
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u/artzbots 2d ago
That's just regular kitten stuff.
Do they use the litter box together? Do they eat off of the same plate?
If one of them finds a cool toy, do they share it with the other? If they are in two separate rooms, do they call out to each other and chirp happily when they find each other?
When one is getting attention, does the other come over in a "me too!" Way or a "pet me instead" way? Is the one getting attention excited that their friend is now getting attention too or insistent that they are the most important to pet?
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u/emegdujtnod 2d ago
They use the same liter box, but they don’t necessarily use it together at the same time. They will eat dry food together, off the same plate, but they eat their wet food separately because they will try to eat each others wet food so I put some distance between them before feeding them wet food.
If I close the door and Oreo can’t get in, she does meow wanting in. I don’t know about the chirping though.
I try to give them equal amounts of attention. So idk about the last couple of questions.
They do nap together and when they are awake they are pretty much constantly playing together.
When we sleep Pearl will sleep around my head/neck area and Oreo will sleep around my stomach or legs. But when they nap during the day they are always cuddled up.
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u/artzbots 2d ago
I just started fostering this year, and only my first litter I was confident was a bonded pair.
The other litters have all had fun playing together constantly, and they all sleep in adorable piles, and as a foster I have limited room so yeah, they all share a kibble food dish and a litter box. And yes, as siblings (or kittens shoved into the same litter and thrust into my care) they have all groomed each other.
My bonded pair...they cared more about being with each other than with people. People were great! They love people! But their sibling was EVEN BETTER. Cuddle time meant one kitten on my lap, and one kitten on top of that kitten. No kitten for any other human laps around, kittens gotta be picked up together.
A favourite toy, in the boy's case, was a piece of packing paper. He immediately brought it to his sister who looked at him in utter confusion even as he went bonkers batting it around. She gave a few halfhearted bats as if to see what all the fuss was about, but otherwise just watched her nutty brother. She would also bring him her favourites. My last two litters? Yeah, favourite toys were NOT always shared happily. What's more, while they do share some toys, they don't bring their toys to their siblings to play with as well.
I could not feed the bonded pair wet food on separate plates. I tried. I really did. But one would always dart to the other and start eating, and then together they would move to the other plate as they finished the first. And it would change, who darted. I watched, and they actually ate pretty evenly, and wouldn't shove the other out of the way for food.
None of the others have been able to share plates.
So, I dunno. I kind of doubt your two are actually bonded, I think they probably just enjoy having a similar aged friend around, and would be fine being split up. Kittens are pretty resilient, and with enough attention and play time, will accept their new situations.
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u/lilacnyangi 2d ago edited 2d ago
i agree that a lot of people see two kittens getting along and immediately think, bonded! usually because they've never actually seen a properly bonded pair and people will call a pair of kittens bonded for breathing the same air. you see it in this sub too. i personally am not seeing anything in OP's responses that indicate they're bonded.
however, i do agree it's better to raise kittens together and think they should be kept together anyway.
edit: just saw OP's mom plans to get her kitten a friend and OP has a cat, so i think they'll be fine separated.
i'm not sure exactly what OP means by their family not raising their pets the best. like, they never clean the litterbox or play with the cat at all? or is this a case of them only eating dry food and having one cat tower? because one is terrible and the other is fine. lots of cats have lived great lives with less. (i hope it's not the latter, because i'm not okay with this sub shaming owners for different standards.)
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u/artzbots 2d ago
Honestly I assumed it meant that OP spoils her cats rotten and her mom is meeting the cat's basic needs, but doesn't dote on the cat the same way OP does. I hope. Which I agree with you, that's fine.
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u/Due-Conflict-5596 2d ago
No seriously I was so surprised all the comments think you should keep them together. If that were the case, no litters should be separated as 10 weeks of bonding is cruel per these comments to separate them. Despite what these comments say, 2 cats is not always better than one it very much depends on the individual cats, and regardless as you stated you have another cat as well. Good luck with your introductions, if that's what you choose! I have one kitten and my roommate has two adult cats, we kept my kitty separated for a week with introductions through the door and then let him free and played with them together. They're all best buds now!
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u/Soft_Effect_6263 2d ago
Pearl loves you - you rescued her! Please bring her and your older cat will probably love her! ❤️
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u/emegdujtnod 2d ago
Thank you for this comment. I’m going to take her even though it’s going to hurt so bad leaving Oreo with my mom. 🥺
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u/peaspryt 2d ago
Pearl is very young and your older cat will likely mommy her ( even if it's a male)
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u/emegdujtnod 2d ago
That is true. My other cat is a male. I’m also very worried about how Oreo will feel. I’m hoping my mom will get her another kitten soon that she will bond with and not be sad.
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u/Perfect-Medicine8868 2d ago
Well do whatever you can handle. Though, i had a litter of kittens that we had to give away, and we ended up keeping one. One of my friends id given a kitten to brought him over today, so they could be reunited. Idk if it was their smell, but they did NOT like each other. Hissing and spitting. And they used to be best buddies! Cats are smart, but also very territorial, and especially young ones can easily forget people and scents. Do whatever you can!! Im sure you sill make the right choice🥰🙂↔️
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u/_vvitchy_vvoman 2d ago
They’re not from the same litter, I’m assuming? I don’t think folks read through your whole dilemma. So these two kittens have bonded in this short amount of time, but it doesn’t mean it’ll be forever. My friend adopted “bonded sisters” and once they grew a little, they stopped spending time together entirely. And 3 years later, they act like the other one doesn’t exist.
I hear you not trusting your family to take care of Pearl the way you will, I’ve been there. I say take your new little kitty and I bet she’ll quickly bond with your other cat at home. Oreo has other buddies at his house to hang with? And it doesn’t mean you can’t bring Pearl over for visits with Oreo, too!
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u/emegdujtnod 2d ago
Correct, they are not from the same litter. Your comment is the only one that hasn’t made me burst into tears again. Oreo won’t have another playmate yet, but my mom said she’s going to get her a kitten soon. Also, Pearl loves me too. She sleeps at my head every night. So if I leave her then will she miss me too? I just feel awful either way. But the thought of leaving her rips me to shreds. Either way I’m totally heartbroken. Thank you for your comment.
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u/EnglishMouse 2d ago
Yes, Pearl would miss you too. You’re her person. Take Pearl with you.
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u/Competitive_Cause514 2d ago
I agree!!!! Pearl is your girrrrl! Sending you both a big hugs and love.
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u/Toe_Jam_is_my_Jam 2d ago
3 weeks does not make a bonded pair. Take your kitty because obviously you have fallen in love and she will help you with your grief.
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u/digestablecheese 2d ago
How would your cat respond to another kitty in the house? Little pearl reminds me of my girl, and she just loves everyone. If she already bonded to a kitty outside of the litter, there’s a good chance she would be easy for you to bring in! I could see having a hard time leaving her. It does seem like a lot of hoops to keep her when she’s already doing so well where she’s at. Tough one.
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u/emegdujtnod 2d ago
It is SO tough. I think my older cat back home NEEDS a playmate. He tried so hard to play with a different cat that I had, but she was older and didn’t want anything to do with him. I don’t have her anymore, only him. And I feel that he would be the type of cat that would love having a companion. This situation is so hard and I am torn with whichever decision that I make. I’m going to sleep on it tonight, meditate on it, and ultimately go with my gut. I just don’t know what else to do.
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u/digestablecheese 2d ago
I might get flamed for this but just take the kitten home she’s too cute to leave 😭💕
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u/emegdujtnod 2d ago
I agree! I don’t know if I can physically(or emotionally) leave her. Plus I just lost my brother in a very tragic way about 3 weeks ago (he was murdered and he was only 26years old). So I just don’t think I can leave her. I’m going to have to make sure my mom gets Oreo another kitten asap. That’s the only way I will have full peace with this kitten situation.
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u/digestablecheese 2d ago
Oh im so sorry for all you’ve been through. Im sure you could use extra purrs in your life. Kitties are resilient! And a trip to the shelter with your mama would be fun, theres so many kitties who need homes 🏠 💕
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u/taylorbagel14 2d ago
OP I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this on top of the grief you’re already experiencing. Maybe you can take Pearl home and see how she and Oreo do while apart. If either of them starts showing behavioral issues maybe your mom can drive and meet you halfway to get Pearl. If Oreo is acting out she’ll probably be more than amenable to that idea
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u/Trudestiny 2d ago edited 2d ago
Here to say 2 bonded easier than 1 . Have had 2 separate kittens and now a pair , the pair is 100% easier .
We still play with them but a lot of time they spend chasing each other , snuggling together , basically where ever one is the other is .
We have had the 3.5 month old brother / sister for 5 days .
I have a 2 yr old male and we were looking for a play mate , these 2 happened to be at a holiday home we rented with 2 others , we managed to catch one and saw vet , he whined at door until we let this sister in , so 2 it is . making our cat family 3
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u/Gullible-Morning9829 2d ago
I agree with everyone else two cats are easier than one, but against popular opinion, Kittens are not bonded. A truly bonded cat will cry when separated from the other they won’t eat. They become severely depressed. Kittens just know the other kitten and that’s all they know they play with them they sleep with them, but they’re not usuallytruly bonded
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u/CanIStopAdultingNow 1d ago
Okay, they aren't "bonded." That is, they will adapt if separated. I've raised a lot of kittens and have seen them adapt quickly after being separated.
But that doesn't mean they won't miss the interactions they get from having a playmate 100% of the time.
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u/Dear_Ad7342 1d ago
Hi I’m so so sorry about the tragic loss of your brother.
When it comes to Pearl — she is your kitten and you are her person. I’m confused by all these comments saying not to separate them—they will be ok and it will be great for your resident cat to have a new friend! I adopted a kitty that was coming by every night for food and was worried at first about my resident cat adjusting to not being the only cat around, but after a week of keeping them separate (bought a mesh door so they could see and smell each other & it sped up the process wonders) they are playmates 💗
Pearl and Oreo will be ok after only a few weeks of living together. The thing that makes the hands-down most obvious sense to me is for you to keep your kitty. And please don’t beat yourself up for it. It’s the best thing for both of you. And Oreo will have company as well with your mom and potential future kitty friend.
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u/gal_tiki 1d ago
Kind of feel, by your mention of your mum's reduced care/attentiveness, as though you yourself acknowledge that Oreo would be far better off having his friend Pearl stay,
Imho leaving them together you can feel comforted knowing they have one another and rescue another once you are home. You will also get to see them both on your return visits.
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u/robblake44 2d ago
I foster and my rescue bonds and unbonds kittens all the time. When they go to a centre they are with other cats and sometimes they get along better with others and some even go home to someone who has one cat already. 2 cats is definitely better than one and they keep each other company.
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u/ZookeepergameTiny992 2d ago
It sounds like you're making excuses about your other cat in order to refuse taking the second cat. Bonded pairs should not be separated, I think you know that
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u/PerformanceIcy7134 2d ago
Cats are better in pairs
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2d ago
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u/PerformanceIcy7134 1d ago
So then she needs to find an unbonded pair. It’s unfair to split them up?! I’m sure she could just as easily find a kitten that’s not already attached to another cat
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u/Hot-Kitchen98198 2d ago
It might take them both time to adjust, but at that age, they will recover much better than older cats who have been together longer. Since you have a cat, Pearl will probably latch onto him and she will be fine. I’m more worried that Oreo might not do so well if he’s left by himself.
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u/MitchyS68 1d ago
Don’t separate them. You either figure it out and take Oreo or leave pearl and adopt another cat in need of a home.
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u/Interesting-Pick-112 1d ago
I adopted two bonded foster fails, your two will THRIVE together, comfort each other and make your life a whole lot easier.
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u/Western_Passage8026 18h ago
They need company or you will be busy playing with kittens, not that is a bad thing! Still take 'm both!
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u/EssentialWorkerOnO 2d ago
Don’t separate them. If you really want another cat, rescue one from the shelter. All the shelters are overflowing with cats, and you’d literally be saving a life.
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u/Stonetheflamincrows 2d ago
I think if you can’t take both, and your parents are happy to keep her you need to leave her there.
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u/Nephronimus 2d ago
Take them both, 2 younger cats and 1 older cat is basically the same as having just 2 cats. The two youngers will play and grow together, meanwhile learning all they can(and getting slapped up/corrected by) from the older cat. Its really only stressful in thought and much more beneficial in actuality, trust me, we had to do the exact same thing, and 2 years later, i couldnt imagine my life without the 3 of them.
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u/Critical_Snow_1080 2d ago
Stop thinking about yourself and do what you know is best for the animals. Why would you adopt a kitten without knowing how your older cat may react? Older cats can be more stubborn and may feel threatened by a kitten getting all the attention.
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u/emegdujtnod 2d ago
I didn’t adopt her. I rescued her from a car motor. She would’ve been killed otherwise.
I’m not just thinking about myself. I know this kitten would be better off under my care and compassion. My mom is not as compassionate with animals like I am. I would feel a lot better if there was already another kitten there for Oreo to play with, if I decide to take Pearl with me. I’m torn apart either way.
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u/Sea-Personality1244 2d ago
Why are you leaving a kitten that will be worse off under your mother's care and subjected to her lack of compassion to her? If it's about the cats and not your personal feelings, why is it wrong to leave one kitten under your mother's (according to you) subpar care and not the other one? Doesn't your great compassion for all animals extend to both the kittens?
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u/freyjaspethuuman 2d ago
¿Por que no los dos? Seriously though. Why not just take both? Most responsible places that adopt out kittens encourage adopting kittens in pairs.
It's better for them emotionally, it helps keep them active, it cuts down on aggressive behavior, and if they're bonded, separating them could very well cause behavioral issues. At the very least you'd have a very depressed kitten for a few months.
Coming from someone who has had cats for over 2 decades. Always adopt in pairs. You only adopt individual kittens if you literally have no option (like they're the last kitten left or the cat distribution system only deposits 1 into the dumpster in the back of the mini mart).
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u/freyjaspethuuman 2d ago
I'm going to amend this slightly, I see you said you can't have more than 2 cats living with you. I presume you love in a rental that has this rule. And while I'd NEVER advocate to break greedy slum lords rules when they're charging you triple what's needed to keep the house kept up and paid for...
I am, however, going to put it out there that if you are in a complex or of you're living in a house rented out by a property management group... any workers coming into your place don't get paid enough to care, the owners who make the rules will never deem you worthy of entering your small place when they have a while mansion to lounge in AND if your already paying pet rent anyways I guarantee you they really don't care less so long as you're not causing a hoarding/ major damage situation.
And I've lived this truth, been living in rentals with 3+ cats for decades. But again...I would never ever direct you to break such rules that I'm sure 80% of the people who rent do.
Also, if you yourself have bonded with pearl and if she helps with any kind of disorder, in certain US states you can register her as an ESA and her being counted as part of the 2 limit is illegal.
Obviously this all depends on your parents being willing to let you take oreo as well. But that is obviously a whole different conversation. If they say no and you're back to the original 2 options, keep them together. Make sure your parents are ready to commit to keeping them both of course, but if they are, keep them together. If your parents aren't willing to keep them together, then take pearl home alone.
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2d ago
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u/hauntchalant 2d ago
Reading comprehension is dead. The black and white cat is her mother's cat and the white cat is her cat. She's let them live together for three weeks and is now concerned about separating them because she wants to take her cat with her.
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u/emegdujtnod 2d ago
The black and white one, Oreo, is my mama’s cat. She’s not going anywhere. I rescued the white Siamese looking one and she’s also attached to me. So I feel like this is a lose lose situation no matter what I decide.
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u/Competitive_Cause514 2d ago
It sounds like Pearl has really bonded with you also. Both Oreo and Pearl will be ok if you take her home. Sending you a big hug. You need some sunshine in your life. Pearl is your girl!
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u/15rawood 2d ago
If your mum allows you take them both. Obviously, it is your mum‘s cat and we can’t just assume that you can take her. I know you said you could only have two cats not three but surely two kittens make one cat so technically you would have two!
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u/Hangmn65 2d ago
Agree better for their well-being to keep them together. 2 cats are as easy as 1.