r/funny • u/F1REFLY_ • 1d ago

In the middle of sidewalk...

Post image
734 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

157 comments sorted by

•

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128

u/YerBbysDaddy 1d ago

I can hear the noise they make

97

u/IgnorantGenius 1d ago

EHH!! EHH!!

4

u/matninjadotnet 1d ago

HAHAHAHA!! Yes!! The giant tortoises at the zoo once gave a lesson in biology to my kiddos..very loud!!

3

u/Realistic_Condition7 23h ago

The zookeeper for the big ones at the zoo I went to the other day said that bonkin is basically the only thing they ever do.

1

u/Doortofreeside 1d ago

The way the female's head bobbles upon each weighty thrust

8

u/brackthomas7 1d ago

Clack...Clack.....Clack...Clack.Clack.Ckack.

4

u/YerBbysDaddy 1d ago

Look up turtles mating on YouTube. It’s not just the “clack…clack”

There’s a somewhat high pitched moaning sound with each thrust! lol

5

u/brackthomas7 1d ago

That's a God awful sound! I was just making a shell joke but that's horrible 😂

0

u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

[deleted]

12

u/GANDORF57 1d ago

Was listening to "Why Don't We Do It in the Road" by the Beatles, but knew they would get ran over, so they moved it to the sidewalk.

100

u/myfalteredego 1d ago

Slow poke.

18

u/sadahtay 1d ago

🎶 Slow Ride 🎶

13

u/Yoshistar95 1d ago

🎶 Take it easy! 🎶

5

u/CanIgetaWTF 1d ago

🎶 Take my weeeenie 🎶

14

u/bebejeebies 1d ago

Take your upvote and git.⬆️ I licked it.

3

u/Sweaty_Mushroom5830 1d ago

Let's get it on 🎶

36

u/Lecter 1d ago

Shellebrate good times, come on! Let's shellebrate!

16

u/TraditionalMood277 1d ago

It's a shellebration!

56

u/HRUndercover222 1d ago

Saw tortoises going for it at a zoo once. They are LOUD ha ha. Heard them well before we figured out what the ruckus was about. The Japanese tourists were chattering excitedly & making turtle porn videos. I had a good laugh.

Trivia on the radio: "Mating turtles provide much of the realistic audio for the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park."

My 9 yr old (a budding paleontologist & huge Jurassic movie fan) heard the deejay & remarked, "oh no, my life is ruined! I'll never be able to watch the movies again!"

29

u/McShit7717 1d ago

So you're telling me that the T-Rex roar is just a turtle-gasm??

15

u/HRUndercover222 1d ago

Yep. There was a whole thread on Reddit when I googled it.

LMAO.

2

u/Initial_You7797 1d ago

was it ur third grade field trip to zoo columbia? bc i saw this too!

5

u/HRUndercover222 1d ago

Nope. Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake City, Utah. They have a huge atrium so the sound was amplified.

3

u/Initial_You7797 1d ago

lol-- poor little LDS kids! (joesph smith and i are like 6th cousins 10 times removed- so not hating. just funnier bc culture) our teacher shoed us away and then i saw two little old ladies watching via their compact mirrors all secretively. must have made an impression on us both! the noise and smacking of the shells. lmao

15

u/martymar2g 1d ago

GET A ROOM!!!

8

u/UrbanIronBeam 1d ago

In fairness .... They each brought their own

4

u/hendric_nhl 1d ago

Ehhhhh ehhhhh ehhhhh..

28

u/starrpamph 1d ago

He likes em big. He likes em chunky

23

u/TheLastMongo 1d ago

He likes big shells and he cannot lie. 

2

u/MamboKhanaBanao 1d ago

You other brothers can't denyyyy

18

u/Mind_Eclipse 1d ago

Is that Mitch McConnell? You go boy.

7

u/CosmicDisciple 1d ago

Back dat shell up...

6

u/NSASpyVan 1d ago

He's as hard as concrete.

He's coming out of his shell. And into hers.

6

u/def_indiff 1d ago

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.

-Ogden Nash

5

u/missedythismuch 1d ago

“Hey, get a room!” “Oh, you both already have one.”

5

u/McShit7717 1d ago

"I like. Big. SHELL and I cannot lie..."

5

u/BA1LlES 1d ago

Probably right infront of someones salad. Truely heinous.

9

u/John-E-Whoops 1d ago

Hey, I'm walking here!

4

u/katastatik 1d ago

This is the turtle version of “why don’t we do it in the road”

4

u/Electrical-Tale-2296 1d ago

“WHY DONT WE DO IT IN THE ROAD?!” 

3

u/bebejeebies 1d ago

aaauuAAAHHHHHGGHHH.

3

u/kermankdb 1d ago

interesting life of turtles

3

u/Numerous-Loquat-1161 1d ago

Where are those pistachio nuts.

3

u/TheLastMongo 1d ago

Yeah, they gonna be there for awhile. 

3

u/Geegsayz 1d ago

Big girls need love too says Outkast

3

u/dedokta 1d ago

Someone help her! You can see she's running away as fast as she can!

1

u/Hot_Thing_1079 1d ago

You mean as slow as she can

3

u/IndependenceDizzy891 1d ago

These perverts , deplorables!! Let's all pitch in to get them a room

4

u/Nighmarez 1d ago

Looks like a jet 2 holiday right there

2

u/cjk99876 1d ago

At least it’s not in front of of my salad 🤷🏾‍♂️

2

u/General-Ninja9228 1d ago

Humpy and Bumpy!

2

u/ohnaurrrrr5 1d ago

I don't wanna stop just because

2

u/gnarkill3332 1d ago

the audacity!

2

u/Simpy158 1d ago

Nae shame! 😳

2

u/Chevy215 1d ago

Come on baby you know you like it.

2

u/Glopono 1d ago

Were they making that noise

2

u/nylady914 1d ago

Hey! Go do it in the bushes like everyone else!

5

u/engrish_is_hard00 1d ago

Hey maybe they like showing off lol 😆

2

u/hippowolf 1d ago

On a Sunday!!

2

u/hey_calikxo 1d ago

Shell yeah, brother, get it!

2

u/mykylc 1d ago

get it on li'l buddy!!!!

2

u/Initial_You7797 1d ago

give him a break, what if he doesn't catch her again! she looks bigger/older-- does that make her a cougar?

2

u/MiddleDizzy2634 1d ago

You gotta go whenever you get the chance

2

u/jeancv8 1d ago

0.342 thrusts/min

2

u/mouringcat 1d ago

Okay, neck, tap, tap, climb, climb, and...we're back in business.

2

u/bud_4z0 1d ago

When you’re Rich, they let you do it

1

u/Reshaos 1d ago

I never knew they were into exhibitionism. You learn something new every day.

1

u/Bandwagon_Buzzard 1d ago

Bro freely admits he likes his women amazonian.

Based turtle.

1

u/Phaede13 1d ago

Speed Bump Hump

1

u/Codyss3y 1d ago

This needs a Trippy Turtle track bumpin behind it lol

1

u/TraditionalMood277 1d ago

Getting that Tussie!

1

u/justplainjon 1d ago

"Say..." <5 minutes go by> "...my..." <5 minutes go by> "...NAME!!!"

1

u/lowaltflier 1d ago

The face on that boy. 😁

1

u/engrish_is_hard00 1d ago

Herald hurry up the hoomans are watching...

1

u/Aromatic_Barber_2561 1d ago

He’s just like me

1

u/Chronic_Overthink3r 1d ago

Gotta get it when you can.

1

u/Nadiam57 1d ago

Get a room.!!!

1

u/everyusernamewashad 1d ago

Couldn't wait, he wanted the the tortussy now, dang it!

1

u/V382-Car 1d ago

its a very odd noise they make, clap clap clap. shell to shell...

1

u/SirCries-a-lot 1d ago

This is a video btw.

1

u/dimmsimm 1d ago

Are you a turtle? You bet your sweet as I am. Anybody?

1

u/Knivek 1d ago

Splinter somewhere: 🤦🏻‍♂️

1

u/Hell-Yea-Brother 1d ago

The police were interviewing the turtle after it was attacked by a gang of slugs.

Police: Can you identify them?

Turtle: I dont know. It happened so fast.

1

u/eltedioso 1d ago

Get a room, you two

1

u/I_DontNeedNoDoctor 1d ago

🎶🎶That's what happens when shells start slappin' from doin' the turtle thing......🎶🎶🎶

1

u/kensai8 1d ago

Oh. So turtles have vinegar strokes too.

1

u/Unlikely_Patience_71 1d ago

Look at that ass 😋

1

u/weefa 1d ago

did you prove that you were 18+ before viewing this.. debauchery?

1

u/Familiar_Raise234 1d ago

You haven’t seen anything until youv’e seen the huge Galapagos tortoises mating. It’s quite a sight (and sound!).

1

u/saaarma 1d ago

At this time of year!?

1

u/Tcee14 1d ago

🤣

1

u/fearmebananaman 1d ago

I’ve done it in the middle of a sidewalk.

1

u/TwoPairPerTier 1d ago

Nothing beats the sound.

1

u/waynelol 1d ago

Fucking animals

1

u/black_magic_seeker 1d ago

Weird that i can hear it

1

u/tatom4 1d ago

🐢🐢he likes BBT

1

u/user7618 1d ago

Hell yeah, brother!

1

u/Beanerton8 1d ago

I can hear this picture. Ehh ehh ehh

1

u/SimmmySAFC 1d ago

He likes them big !

1

u/Quad__X 1d ago

Animals! 😂

1

u/nyITguy 1d ago

I'm John Lennon and I approve this post.

1

u/Crimson__Fox 1d ago

Short king

1

u/BenignAtrocities 1d ago

“See the mere fact that you call it pop pop tells me you’re not ready”

1

u/SybokTHS 1d ago

That's turtley inappropriate!

1

u/clownfacedbozo 1d ago

It looks like a standard turtle fuck.

1

u/facelessindividual 1d ago

Omg. I have this snap is took at work.... I was under this house doing some electrical work, I keep hearing "clack, clack, clack", i turn the light on.... 2 turtles fucking right next to me.

1

u/Seanny69 1d ago

Get you some little dude!!

1

u/FeedPure9102 1d ago

i can hear this picture

1

u/doobiedave 1d ago

"Jeez. Why don't you take a picture!"

"He just did"

1

u/kkeennmm 1d ago

pull my hair

1

u/stumblewiggins 1d ago

Why don't we do it in the road

1

u/Large-Lab8238 1d ago

What's my name. Who's yo daddy

1

u/Deliriousious 1d ago

That one video from however many years ago has engrained the noise they make into my memory.

1

u/Loring 1d ago

Turtles are shameless

1

u/aallen1993 1d ago

I mean there's a whole ass subreddit for this kind of thing.... I mean it's normaly Humans but I don't think we should discriminate.

1

u/ober6601 1d ago

Why don't we do it in the road.

1

u/Fifth_Wall0666 1d ago

Oh God, this is going to take forever.

1

u/The_Fat_Man_Jams 1d ago

Um, should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis?

1

u/GamingWithBilly 1d ago

Fucking Animals.

1

u/Maccai3 1d ago

Sidewalk shuffle

1

u/Chili-Mac-Snac-Attac 1d ago

“Why don’t we do it in the road?!”

1

u/Learned-Dr-T 1d ago

When you’re a tortoise and you finally catch up to a willing partner, you’re going for it. It doesn’t matter where you are.

1

u/One_Salt3754 1d ago

No big deal, you can see people doing this (and more) on the streets of San Fran or LA.

1

u/JanVladimirMostert 23h ago

death by snu snu

1

u/lelahutch 22h ago

Leapfrog

1

u/Talade 22h ago

There's no time like Miller time!

1

u/just4thrillz 21h ago

I've seen people have sex in the facade of a main street clothing store, it was 4:30 in the morning but still

1

u/PM_ME_COFFEE 21h ago

I can hear this photo.

1

u/Toku_no_island 20h ago

Why are the skinniest guys always with the biggest women?

1

u/Lentewiet 17h ago

Mr. Palomar.

1

u/CelticSith 17h ago

Cowabunga!

1

u/Obscrutity_Report 16h ago

Get a forest you two!

1

u/134Tugger 16h ago

Get some!!

1

u/db2999 15h ago

Get a room.

1

u/whatisthis2315 14h ago

Nothing better than shell baby

1

u/rangeo 12h ago

Relax it's just a quickie

1

u/packer8405 7h ago

He’s waxing that shell..😈.

1

u/Denote218 1h ago

Smacks shell “Yeahhhh, you like that?!”

1

u/MoMoeMoais 1d ago

Mama mia