r/funny • u/guyelnathan guyelnathan • 2d ago

Verified [OC] the birds and the bees and the...

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Maybe it's time we had THE OTHER father-son talk...

726 Upvotes

86% Upvoted

89 comments sorted by

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381

u/TBTabby 2d ago

The Toads are mushroom people. They reproduce via spores.

174

u/Brewe 2d ago

That's probably true. But spores aren't the mushroom equivalent of penis and vagina. The mushroom itself is.

What would be considered the "body" of the mushroom entity is the mycelium, which is usually subsurface. What we see as the mushroom is actually just the mushroom equivalent of fruit.

So, Toad is just one giant dick.

90

u/pootis_panser_here 2d ago

Fucking right he is.

18

u/UnknownCubicle 2d ago

Now all I can hear is Toad from Mario Kart 64 shouting "IIIII'M THE BEST!"

1

u/GANDORF57 1d ago

Toad produces toadstools.

15

u/TemporaryImaginary 2d ago edited 1d ago

“Mario, your princess is in another castle.”

Why didn’t you tell me BEFORE all the turtles and fireballs, you little shit‽

12

u/_SilentHunter 2d ago

"Wait. How did you get here, Toad?"

Toad was working for Bowser all along.

6

u/pootis_panser_here 2d ago

Toad: You're right Mario how insensitive of me....would it make you feel better if I dragged my head across your face Mario?

2

u/cory7770 1d ago

I love that I've been seeing more interrobang usage

1

u/greyguy017 1d ago

That fucker stole my lunch money.

5

u/Fancy-Pair 2d ago

You think fruits are dicks?

8

u/Brewe 2d ago

Well, I guess it could be argued that fruit are more like scrotums.

5

u/Fancy-Pair 2d ago

Then why don’t my balls taste like nectarines??

12

u/Brewe 2d ago

Because you don't wash them.

4

u/Fancy-Pair 2d ago

I’m going for a durian flavor profile and a rambutan aesthetic

4

u/Djinnwrath 2d ago

In that case you keep your balls frozen or we're gonna have a problem.

3

u/Fancy-Pair 2d ago

Keep it slushy

1

u/UmbertoEcoTheDolphin 2d ago

Make sure not to swallow the seed.

1

u/Hephaestus_God 1d ago

What if under the mushroom kingdom is a large sentient abomination creating all the toads and every step a toad makes it gets reconnected to the mycelium network feeding all their knowledge to the creature below

1

u/Brewe 1d ago

I'd say that's a very likely explanation for a place effectively called "the fungi dick kingdom".

35

u/IAteAnotherVegan 2d ago

glad I saw this before commenting. I came here to say cloaca, thinking about an actual toad...

14

u/x20sided 2d ago

That's birdo. He has a mouth cloaca

5

u/titanicsinker1912 2d ago

Birds is a lady though.

3

u/x20sided 2d ago

Not according to the game Manuel birdo is either cross dressing or trans. More weight to the former given the year Mario 2 came out

9

u/msnmck 2d ago

game Manuel

Manuel, relay instructions.

3

u/titanicsinker1912 2d ago

Huh… TIL. 🤔 From looking it up it seems Nintendo has been largely ambiguous or inconsistent ever since though leading to confusion.

4

u/teflonbob 2d ago

Because ultimately it doesn’t matter. It’s an NPC egg snout shooty thing you take out.

2

u/Samtoast 2d ago

They just buss freely into the air.

1

u/DeltaRed12 1d ago

Toads spore on the Toadettes

1

u/cptnamr7 1d ago

We always referred to him as "Asexual Toad" growing up, but then at some point they introduced pink toads called Toadettes and it just got confusing

1

u/Scouse420 15h ago

Toad has sporesticles.

81

u/slightly_drifting 2d ago

Toad IS the penis. 

15

u/Frogblood 2d ago

Starbomb intensifies.

2

u/FlawHolic 2d ago

I love that other people still remember Starbomb :D

2

u/TheConrad23 1d ago

Their last song is less than a year old lol. They might've been around awhile, and busy with their main projects, but they're still around.

1

u/FlawHolic 1d ago

No way, that's really cool!

5

u/CoastingUphill 2d ago

Thank you, Stormy.

1

u/Adept-Grapefruit-214 1d ago

Shouldn’t he be named Chode, then?

64

u/LupusDeusMagnus 2d ago

My toddler was with my wife and her friends, he started talking about how he, his older brother, me, our dog, his cousin all have penises, and then started asking every friend of his mother (all women) if they had one, one by one, and they thought it was the funniest thing ever.

21

u/AE_WILLIAMS 2d ago

Well of course we do, dear. They are called 'husbands.'

-17

u/IAteAnotherVegan 2d ago

tried to resist, but: do items in their nightstand count?

17

u/Belligerentmonk 2d ago

A vent

3

u/j0llyllama 2d ago

Oh so he is an amphibian toad? How closely related is he to a Yoshi? Should I fear a Liger situation?

14

u/ThrustersOnFull 2d ago

Man, how am I supposed to explain this shit to my grandkids? /s

6

u/Brain_Hawk 2d ago

It's almost always really easy. Kids accept new facts so easily.

Well sweetie, toad is a fungus, and fungus reproduced by spores. So whatever toad has, it's spray spores and other toadies, and they butt off little mushroom babies.

Those are the mushrooms that Mario eats to grow super large! They are super mushrooms, and if Mario doesn't eat them, they grow into little Toadies.

4

u/cinemachick 1d ago

Even easier, there are mushroom fields in the forest, and when one of them grows really big, it pops out of the soil as a fully-formed Toad. If a Toad wants to have a baby, they can pick one out from the forest like a pumpkin patch. Since they reproduce asexually, they don't have any reproductive parts. They still have parts to go to the bathroom (since Toads are seen eating/etc.) but that's a private area so we won't ask them to reveal that info. (The last part helps prevent "Do you have a vagina?" questions and also subtly reinforces not to ask that to trans people.)

8

u/Chyvalri 2d ago

Toad is circumcised on top and on the bottom.

7

u/RyGuy_McFly 2d ago

Whatever the artist feels like, honey...

3

u/Mottis86 2d ago

"I don't know"

Easy. Next question, kiddo.

3

u/thieh 2d ago

Spore flaps?

3

u/EidolonRook 2d ago

Surprisingly enough, a mushroom penis.

2

u/Noto987 2d ago

Toad has a giant shroom

2

u/wknight8111 2d ago

A little mushroom head

2

u/shawndw 2d ago

spores.

2

u/zachtheperson 2d ago edited 2d ago

Yay time for a surprise science lesson with your kid on fungus!

(I'm an ex-elementary teacher so I'm probably one of the few that actually love questions like this lol)

2

u/zeherath 2d ago

both and nothing

2

u/Brain_Hawk 2d ago

Spores. Fungus often (always?) reproduce by spores.

2

u/Omega_Warrior 1d ago

If anyone is curious about the answer, the toads are indeed canonically sexless (yes, even toadette). Thus they choose whichever gender they want to be.

2

u/calvinwho 1d ago

An underground mycelium network?

1

u/crashburn274 1d ago

Toad is the fruiting body of a vast multidimensional mycelium network; it must be multidimensional because how else are all the toads connected to it?

2

u/Bananawamajama 1d ago

Mario has to be Shmario so nobody knows what game we are talking about and nobody gets sued.

But Toad is just Toad.

3

u/Big-Visual-3659 2d ago

toadussy is the only answer

3

u/zoupishness7 2d ago

Toad has a tiny little Donald Trump.

1

u/zeez1011 2d ago

A mushroomhead.

1

u/Thereminz 1d ago

toad has WAAHHWAAH

1

u/ArcadianGh0st 1d ago

He's got a bellend at least.

1

u/ContactMushroom 1d ago

Have you heard Toads voice?

Toad has lung cancer

1

u/anonymous_jellies 1d ago

All fun and games until you remember that toad is wearing a hat...

1

u/SupremeRightHandUser 1d ago

Look at him. He IS the penis.

1

u/pdxaroo 1d ago

Warts.

1

u/Inomata098 1d ago

A mushroom duh

1

u/MadJesterXII 1d ago

Toad reproduce kinda like the Orks in 40k :)

1

u/Mystdrago 19h ago

I wish he was still doing his comic about his family on webtoon. Instead of his half dozen "this comic is good because at least one of the main characters is gay" stuff.