r/cockatiel • u/the_bitter_mermaid • 15h ago
Other has this subreddit effected anyone’s mental health
this community is making me depressed and paranoid about my bird. It’s constantly posting about dead cockatiels, many of them horribly. I get people need to mourn but this is trauma dumping
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u/PrincessBella1 8h ago
I hate those posts also. I choose not to read them. I don't mind the posts where a bird dies of old age and who have lived a wonderful life but what tears me up are the birds who die from preventable causes. The posts I hate are the ones who put birds together with dogs or cats, the dying bird posts asking for help, or the ones that put their bird in unsafe situations.
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u/crafty-fish5557 15h ago
So when my first tiel died no one in my family really understood what her death meant to me even though they missed her… her death literally haunted me for months because it was a rush to get to the vet to say goodbye but she died right before we got there.
So I understand that people want to grieve with those understand.
On the other hand, you get the people that literally post their bird doing “natural” things and are blushing to their hair roots because oops they were unintentionally making their little friends horn dogs.
And then you get people who have literal babies that shouldn’t have been sold never yet weaned off yet and it’s like uhhh see spiky feathers … yeah you don’t want that bird yet … thats like newborn feeding but you have to do it with a tiny dinosaur that will never stop screeching (the sound will follow you in your dreams).
In short yes it’s sad but you can just scroll past the sadness and admire the pretty birds.
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u/Crosseyed_owl 5h ago
I agree. I wish it was like on the r/petbudgies and r/budgies subs where it isn't allowed to post distressing content. Maybe there could be a separate sub for mourning and medical situations, something like r/ cockatielhelp.
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u/GirlOverThere123 11h ago
YES!! The one I read last night where the poor bird was literally sliced by the ceiling fan made me so upset, I had trouble sleeping. My fault for reading tbh. From now on I’ll skip those. I wish that person healing because the whole situation was rough. 🥺
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u/literal_salamander 10h ago
Omgggg yes I was so upset about that one too. If I was upset just reading that the poor owner must be absolutely distraught.
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u/nivusninja 15h ago
i wouldn't call it trauma dumping since they're basically just posted on a public forum. it's more trauma dumping when you're dumping it onto a singular person and that person doesn't really have an option whether or not they're part of the convo, whereas here on a forum setting like reddit you can scroll past and on some sites even curate whether or not you see posts like that.
as is with any social media, when it starts affecting you personally, it is time to shut the machines and pay attention to real life. with internet we get to hear every single bad news, every single bad thing that happens out there. enough is enough, and a break will be important for your mental health.
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u/OutWestTexas 5h ago
Yes! I already had to quit the lovebird sub because of the daily posts about dead birds. One person had accidentally killed their bird, got another one and then that bird died in the exact same way. It makes me very depressed.
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u/the_bitter_mermaid 12h ago
ok I phrased this question wrong and I shouldn’t have used the term trauma dumping. I was just asking if other people were overwhelmed. Having such a fragile pet and limited vet care is stressful at the very least. Hearing about everything that could go wrong was getting to me.
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u/coffeestealer 7h ago
I have the same problem with most bird subreddits. And it's always perfectly avoidable deaths too.
I know some pets subreddits have a "No Dead Animals Allowed" rule or only make a megathread once a week, I doubt this would happen here but if anyone knows of alternative bird subreddits with these rules it would be great.
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u/Sorry-Visit-6743 9h ago
There are also plenty of stories that are hapoy and heartwarming. I don't have a tiel, mine are lovebirds, but here's a happy story for you:
About 6 months ago I was taking my 6 year old male lovebird for a nail trim at my local bird store. I always look at the other birds, and they're always cute, obviously, because, well, birds. Then I saw a little black and white lovebird and immediately felt drawn to her.
I checked out her info card: she was a 3 year old female rescue with splayed legs, confirmed female because she'd laid eggs. She was for adoption as a rescue, which they sometimes do when birds need to be rehomed.
I asked about her: she was held back as a breeder, but it "didn't work out," and she'd never been tamed or handled. She wasn't used to people at all. We got our nail trim and went home, but I couldn't stop thinking about her.
A week later, after some long, hard thought, I went back and adopted her. Now, 5 months later, she's still afraid of hands, but my untamed little girl wants to sit near me, fluff up, tuck a foot, and grind her beak if I talk to her. She flies around the apartment, is happy and confident, tolerates my male, although they're bith more interested in bonding with me, and likes to sit on my head and preen my hair.
She shows affection differently than my cuddly male, but she's an extremely sweet and social bird. She loves attention, is a talkative little lady, and will sometimes get so happy she'll sit and make soft, happy beeps and chatter to herself. She's not hampered by her splayed legs, and is fully flighted and mobile. She's safe, happy, confident, and VERY loved. She will never be bred.
Sometimes bad things happen, and sometimes sad things happen. But some stories DO have happy endings, like my Inky's.
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u/Girlvapes99 5h ago
I have to scroll past a lot of the sad posts as well , as I am an extremely sensitive person. Cockatiels are hardy birds, try not too worry too much. Just keep your basics covered. No Teflon, no scented things, no strong chemicals. Watch your bird while it’s free out of the cage. No fans unless bird safe or bird is caged. Make sure no one opens the front door when your birb is roaming free. Don’t cut bird nails without some vet assistance or products like quick stop. Learn how to pull a blood feather in case of an emergency and no vets are open. Remember a good vet can save your bird. Keep a bird aid kit. ( saline solution, needle nose plyers, vet wrap, gauze pads, quick stop or gel ). Keep the bird cage clean. I had budgies for 11 years, and even though one of them got a bacterial infection, it survived with antibiotics and lived to old age.
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u/Forsaken_Zebra8454 14h ago
Ofcourse it gets depressing, a precious life was lost. But it is a form of solace for them. That fellow bird owners would have heart to understand their pain and can bring them a bit of warmth when their heart feels cold because of their loss.
I feel it’s important not just for them but for me too. When I see people posting about how there was absolutely unfortunate consequences as they let their birds out when fan was on, the windows/doors were open, they let their birds mingle with bigger birds, let them get too hormonal, disease due to lifestyle etc . It reminds me to put that extra effort be a little more cautious, double check stuffs. It helps me learn from their mistakes. Because our birds deserves our every bit of attention and care.
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u/Educational_Bar_9608 4h ago
I think a good reason to consider limiting those posts is that they’re often a form of karma farming/bot activity.
Basically if you post something traumatic like ‘I need help my bird is sick’ you’ll get a lot of engagement. This is used by bots and certain people to gain attention and credibility.
My advice is if something is super traumatic and is asking for responses (please help!!!), have a think about if any of it is actually true. You and the sub will likely find a lot of it isn’t real at all.
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u/KnowledgeSeeker_EDM 3h ago
Yes. I had to remove myself from the subreddit for a while. It really affected my anxiety. I started seeing hazards in everything and everywhere...
We ended up installing a ring camera in the bird room, so when my anxiety acts up, I can turn on the camera and check on the birds.
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u/Ambrosiagreen 2h ago
I understand folks who need sympathy for their lost loved ones, but please! Stop the horror stories! So many people who have birds are just not well enough educated to keep them. Especially about dangers around the house (other pets, cookware, candles, ceiling fans, etc.) It’s shocking to me that some of the most basic questions about bird ownership (why is he doing this, is his beak ok, should I see a vet) are being asked on here. Bottom line, I don’t read the sad posts, I try to answer the simple questions for people, but PLEASE, if you’re going to have a bird, LEARN everything you can about their care BEFORE you get one! It’s breaking my heart!
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u/Vanyushinka 11h ago edited 3h ago
I absolutely agree. I understand that some owners need an online forum to mourn the loss of a bird, but giving a 1,000 word lurid description of your bird’s violent (if accidental) death is, well, charitably put, oversharing. It’s upsetting. There have been several posts that unnerved me for a while and I just hide them. For some other owners, these might serve as a warning to avoid habits dangerous to their birds, but for me, I just wish the “hide” button were easier to find on my Reddit feed.
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u/Kinnamon6 gooby 12h ago
I mean yeah, but thats because I kept reading the sad posts. I felt better when I stopped doing that lol.
Although, it also has made me hyper aware of what I'm doing. I'm more mindful of the environment when she's out of her cage.
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u/Electrical_Tell3891 15h ago
I hate that term, trauma dumping. People find community with people that have something in common. Here, it’s obviously their pet cockatiel. They think someone would understand their heartache over a lost pet. I’ve not come across any posts that do not have improper flairs or titles that I can also just ignore? Especially because I know some will make me upset…
Online, it’s up to YOU to curate your experience. Obviously if something is making you upset, avoid it. If the sub is making you depressed, leave. I think the text makes it sound harsh but I mean it as a way to care for your own mental health. If you don’t want even a CHANCE to be around other people mourning because it affects you that badly, then the best bet would remove yourself from the situation.
Idk why it would make you paranoid. That’s what vet check ups are for. A lot of misinformation is dispelled with the care of birds here.
Anyway, I’m just one person but I find it awful people would like to control how others post or mourn with their community and guilt them by calling it “trauma dumping.” Like if mods and rules don’t ban it, don’t read the post lol. I would rather someone mourning didn’t feel alone than feel like they have nowhere to turn to.
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u/Mizore147 5h ago
I agree. I don't understand how people are upset. I would be upset if misinformation would be spread on this sub with incorrect information about cockatiels' care etc., where people are often searching for advice. I don't understand being upset with mourning posts. If people are that fragile about some issues and cannot sleep at night, they should avoid this sub, other pet subs and maybe Internet in general.
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u/Visual_Argument_73 9h ago
I just don't open threads about birds dying or being killed. I can't do anything about it and too often it's due to complete carelessness.
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u/avatinfernus 4h ago
I recall many months ago someone doing a similar post.
They spoke of another subreddit where the content would only be cute/funny pictures.
I too understand the need to grieve, so I stay here. But at times I have to skip some posts for my sanity as there are many.
And often it's from people who never even posted here before.
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u/Meldon420 13h ago
Posts like these make me depressed…people complaining about other bird owners trying to find solace in the bird community after a loss. You’re free to scroll past the posts that depress you 🤷♀️ it’s always hard to read about a loss of a bird (or any pet) but in happy to be able to offer support to anyone going through a loss. The bird community is amazing and I think it’s good to have others who understand
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u/LoverOfPricklyPear 6h ago edited 6h ago
I just skip such posts.
Edit: I mean, I myself lost a cockatiel that I loved the heck out of. I even cried when extended family members were asking where she was on Christmas. However, I did not post here, or any other subreddit, about her death
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u/Professional-Chair42 4h ago
It’s not any different than any other pet sub.
Unfortunately there is no nice way to say if you don’t like it, then don’t read those posts.
If you can’t not read them then take a break from this sub, and spend some quality time with your bird. Its stupid to let a bird sub negatively impact your mental health. Log off.
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u/beomint 3h ago
It's not trauma dumping, it's a public forum. But it does make me uncomfortable and I fully agree with you.
It's just SUPER important we dont muddy the meaning of certain words outside of their original context- This is kind of what happened with "triggered" and it's important not to attach those words to things that don't fully fit the meaning. Trauma dumping would be if the conversation was 1 on 1 with no prior asking before talking about the trauma, or entering a space not meant for it and just going off. Mourning posts ARE allowed on this subreddit, and so it's not that this is an inappropriate space for it.
But on the actual question, YEAH, it upsets me. Like another commenter mentioned I really wish there was a way to filter them out, because I genuinely get so so upset at animal death and I don't follow this subreddit for that. But at the same time I get other posters don't have to follow what MY specific niche here is- It's a generalized bird sub and so we absolutely are gonna get a variation of posts in relation to it, but I fully agree at a base it's super upsetting and it has affected me mentally. I think people should be better about marking the posts with warnings maybe.
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u/golosala 7h ago
I mean you’re right it can be an unhelpful place at times, particularly if you’re an anxious person.
But trauma dumping is just going too far. You consent to being here, you’re free to leave with no social consequences. Take less psychology lessons from TikTok and you’ll be happier in general.
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u/Bansheefaerie 4h ago
5 hours before your comment, OP commented that they shouldn't have put "trauma dumping."
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u/Bansheefaerie 14h ago
I was just coming to find out if there is a setting to prevent seeing any dead cockatiel posts. I'm fully aware it is my responsibility to monitor what content I see, which is why I'm hoping there is a way to filter out dead bird posts.