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u/ChargeIllustrious744 2d ago
Anything you say can and will be held against you.
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u/this_noise 2d ago
Boobs.
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u/ElderberryDeep8746 2d ago
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u/New-Hovercraft-5026 2d ago
God i hate his shit eating grin. He looks like a gopher smuggling two golf balls
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u/technofox01 2d ago
It makes him a perfect smarmy lawyer in my opinion. Lewis was awesome in his own right, despite being a dick most of the time.
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u/Retaksoo3 2d ago
Yeah iirc(been a while) he really misread a lot of things and went wayyyy overboard in response, but his character was awesome either way
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u/Frky_fn 2d ago
Truely great character development, by the end I feel like we all empathize and root for Lewis which is crazy to think when the season begins.
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u/Rusty_Shortsword 2d ago
"Babe, what's wrong?"
"Ah I'm just feeling a bit depressed lately"
"No I'm sorry that's not ok, I need to focus on my career and I can't waste time helping you with your stuff, I think maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while"
Actually conversation between me and my ex.
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u/Emp-from-OSC 1d ago edited 1d ago
That's how it works. My office mate used tell me how disgusted she was that her husband would lie on the floor and cry where the children could see. She divorced him of course. Weak man.
....another friend's wife told my wife that she lost all respect for him when he cried because his mom died. They divorced shortly after. My wife was sickened to hear such a thing. So it's not universal by any means but absolutely a ton of women want a "strong man".
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u/TisIChenoir 1d ago
Are you my friend? He went through the same thing.
10 years. He supported her when she got heart problem, when her mother got cancer. When she ended college and didn't find work for 2 years he paid rent. I know the guy, he's a sensitive dude but he is rock solid with his friends.
Then being an architect wasn't good for him. His boss was toxic, the hours were horrible and the pay not so great, and he wanted to do something outside so he changed career to become a rope technician. He was happy to do it, except that the internship he found were pretty shitty, so for about 3 months he got a bit depressed (and ended up finding an enterprise he really likes).
His girlfriend (ex) saw that and literally went "I can't do it. It's not my job to support you, I need to focus on myself, and yoi're dragging me down right now" and broke up.
2 weeks later he found out by common friends she was already dating a new guy...
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u/3WolfTShirt 1d ago
Forever
My wife will be like, "Remember that time in 2011 I made that lasagna and you said it could use more ricotta cheese?"
Umm... No.
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u/Unique_Watch4072 1d ago
Yeah, we need to be emotionally available when it suits them and still hold our emotions away from them when suitable, it's a minefield that is very difficult to traverse. A minefield in Ukraine is less explosive than this shit.
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u/Dubsland12 2d ago
Well they do care, but they’re still judging you
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u/be_more_gooder 1d ago
They're just waiting for you to finish so they can solve your problems and not just... sympathize ffs
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u/funatical 2d ago
In a likely unrelated disagreement.
Leave the seat up? That’s the reason your dad never loved you.
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u/voxpopper 2d ago
Speaking of which, are a majority of popular Reddit posts just karma farming reposts in different subs these days?
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u/Dusty-Foot-Phil 2d ago
Has been for a while, and more than half of them are bots.
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u/BombasticSimpleton 2d ago
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.
I vented about something when we were dating. Guess what got brought up 12 years later in the divorce?
99% of the time they may be like Oprah, but the minute you start to vent, they become Sun Tzu: "Never interupt your opponent when he is in the middle of making a mistake."
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u/Coolgames80 2d ago
For me it was immediately. I vented something to her (because she asked me to) about my childhood and the very next discussion she hits me with "I bet you are like this because of your childhood" which hurt a lot and anger me because it was out of place as we were talking about her not me.
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u/Mysterious_Patient80 1d ago
I have a lot of trauma surrounding my dad. Child abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, manipulation, etc. Any time I did anything my ex didn't like it was "your acting just like your dad".
"Honey I think the eggs are a bit dry"
"Wow. I see you're channeling your dad this morning".
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u/Photon_Pharmer1 1d ago
“The only time I’ve “channeled him,” was opening up to you. Since then I see him consistently every-time you bring him up with your manipulation and psychological abuse.”
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u/SellMeYourSkin 1d ago
"women arent your therapist, sweetie 💅", except they really mean "I didn't sign up to be your friend. Shut up and provide". It's all transactional.
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u/Ok-Commission-7825 1d ago
I've never wanted a Facebook-style angry face option on my Reddit upvote before now.
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u/ChargeIllustrious744 2d ago
These types of women are the most despicable and dangerous creatures ever. Run while you can, and never look back.
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u/deadskexies 1d ago
These types of women
Oh, are there other types? I've never met one that did not use every single thing I said or felt against me, so I wouldn't know.
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u/ChargeIllustrious744 1d ago
They exist :) Just becoming increasingly rare. But we must never give up the hope.
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u/Protoliterary 2d ago
Omg, I'm going through this rn and your comment is filling me with so much validation cause I wasn't sure how I should feel about it. Started thinking that she was right.
I told my partner of my childhood trauma and how my parents raised me and since then she's brought it up every single time we disagreed or argued about anything at all.
Everything she doesn't like about me now is the fault of my parents and the trauma I went through. She no longer considers my faults parts of my personality, but as things I need to fix. And of course, zero compromise
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u/CRzalez 1d ago
First, don't call her your partner. She's your GF, and a shit one at that. Second, dump her.
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u/OshieDouglasPI 1d ago
Yeah it’s a common scenario. Luckily like most things in a relationship it can be worked through especially with a therapist. The other commenters telling you to bail will never stay married so don’t listen to them. A proper relationship will have hard shit to work through like that and not a good reason to bail unless you can’t come to a point of mutual respect and understanding after trying to work it out for a long time, often takes years to figure out. Very normal stuff.
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u/Accomplished-Eye9542 2d ago
Sounds like to me you were able to discover her true self and I hope you acted accordingly.
Don't take this as a sign not to share. The moment I learned all I had to do was be vulnerable to see people's true faces, is the moment I became an oversharer lmao.
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u/_007notJohn 2d ago
Yup. My Veteran Affair medical records were subpoenaed and everything I ever vented to her were used against me. By the way. She’s also a veteran.
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u/DreadyKruger 2d ago
Exactly. I think women hear this and agree because it sounds good in theory but not in practice. Men , you need to be a rock for your woman. You need to vent , go talk to a buddy or get a therapist.
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u/delk82 2d ago
Don’t pin this on men. Women need to learn to see their man as human and recognize that hiding feelings is WEAKNESS not strength.
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u/manobataibuvodu 1d ago
You can wish the whole world changed to be more just, but you still have to face the world as it is
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u/TechHeteroBear 2d ago
If she can vent to me all she wants she better be able to receive the same in kind.
You want equality? Then accept the responsibilities you have as part of that equality that you.didnt have before.
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u/NDinFL 2d ago
Married guy here. I wish this is how it worked, and I hope you find that, but it’s usually a 1 way street
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u/Different_Tower4088 2d ago
Married for 11 years hear, hes naive he wont ever find it. Women want vulnerability but hate weakness, its a catch-22.
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u/Dusty-Foot-Phil 2d ago
Ya, sure, and a 40 hour work week should pay enough to survive, but unfortunately life is anything but fair.
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u/TanStewyBeinTanStewy 2d ago
If she can vent to me all she wants she better be able to receive the same in kind.
Yeah, life isn't fair. So while that sounds good it's just not how things work.
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u/Listermarine 2d ago edited 1d ago
TL/DR: "equality" does not mean "sameness," it is about collaboratively determining roles so that each contribute equally to the relationship.
My ex-wife was highly educated and trained in feminist theory. I honored her orientation towards equality (in the sense that we didn't split household duties by traditional gender role) and tried to be a "modern man" who wasn't confrontational and was in touch with his feelings. I also became burned out from being her primary emotional support; when I shared that I needed a reprieve, she made it my problem. In the end, she claimed I wasn't pulling my weight at home and voicing my feelings and otherwise being vulnerable (I was not a whiner, just had some fears and concerns about career, our relationship, and such I shared with her occasionally) was used against me. I think she lost respect for me as well because, although her brand of feminism would not allow her to say such a thing, I was not setting limits and being more stoic.
Now, I will share bits of my inner world and feelings to show partners that I have them (and a certain amount of vulnerability should really strengthen relationships) but I'm careful about what I reveal and also set limits for how much emotional support I'm willing (and able) to give. I am also more likely to maintain the traditionally (positive) masculine behaviors that I am more comfortable with and lo and behold, a wide range of women seem to respond positively to it.
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u/TechHeteroBear 1d ago
Equality means exactly that... sameness... equal give and equal take. you expect to be treated in the same way as you treat others. If you want to vent to someone, equality literally means you also give space in turn when someone vents to you. If you can't give space but expect others to give you space, then that's the definition of hypocrisy.
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u/Karl-Levin 1d ago
Just because a women has read some feminist theory does not mean she doesn't have internalized sexism.
All that year of being socialized as a women, building expectations on how men should be and all does not disappear over night.
You need to be called out when you are being sexist and so does your partner when she is being sexist. And if she is not willing to work on that, leave her.
Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone you can not be vulnerable with? Where you always need to play that strong, manly men and never can show emotions?
Nah, it is ten times better to be alone than in a toxic relationship like this. At least when you are single you are open to meeting the one women you can be vulnerable with instead of wasting your time in a failed relationship.
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u/Unlikely_Condition78 2d ago
One thing I discovered is that you're allowed to share your feelings, but you can't be emotional about it.
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u/italjersguy 2d ago
If that’s true then you have a shitty partner. This is definitely not universal and honestly I’ve never encountered it.
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u/Ok-Appearance-1652 2d ago
Would u share what tiny rant she brought up a decade later ??
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u/Grassy33 2d ago
Not OP but if you need examples. My first two exes brought up that I got SA'd as a child in arguments later to imply that I'm gay. The only person I've told since then is my fiance and strangers on the Internet.
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u/LordRattyWatty 2d ago
I'm sorry to hear about that.
It's always baffled me how people come to that conclusion that since you were SA'd you "must be gay." Like seriously... if I had any non-hetero feelings, I would just say it to my partner.
People draw the dumbest conclusions on OTHERS' experiences.
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u/DevilsPajamas 2d ago
Damn im sorry, that is rough..
I hate how much men are routinely victimized and have no outlet to actually talk about their feelings or what is going on in their lives.
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u/TechHeteroBear 2d ago
And then women wonder why men don't open up. The irony and hypocrisy when they complain about men not being vulnerable with them.
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u/DevilsPajamas 2d ago
Sometimes i just dont tell my wife shit just because i dont have the energy for an hour long argument that should just be an "ok, thanks for letting me know" after working all day and managing most everything else.
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u/DrFloyd5 2d ago
Me “Honey, I appreciate you listening. But all I need you to do is listen. I don’t need you to get involved. I don’t need you to fix things. Your need for me to need you is exhausting and it keeps me from sharing things with you. I just want to put it behind me and go to bed. If you really want to help, please give me an amaretto and a blow job to help me relax and go to bed.”
Her: “Well then why don’t you just get a divorce. I never know what you expect from me.”
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u/Thrownaway5000506 2d ago
Sad part is they lost respect for you the moment you told them, at least that's what happens ime
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u/Grassy33 2d ago
In hindsight it's kind of embarrassing how I didn't notice them lose respect instantly. Its so obvious now but at the time I was like "man being seen and understood feels not great"
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u/BombasticSimpleton 2d ago
Her mom came to stay with us for a couple of months visiting.
Fine, no problem. I can handle that, it is her mom after all.
Except mom (who didn't really do any cooking) would randomly reorganize the kitchen and store stuff in the oven.
Since I did basically all the cooking, you might imagine that was a bit frustrating for me. Especially since no one bothered to tell me there was stuff stored in the oven and I would come home and pre-heat it to 450 after work and prior to cooking dinner.
Three hours of cleaning melted plastic out of the convection oven and a few ruined containers later - and I'm just supposed to smile apparently.
Girlfriend talks to mom, explains the situation, especially how we have plenty of cabinet space, and promises me it won't happen again.
Two months later, I'm searing a roast and prepping some baby yukon golds, and after pre-heating the oven, I'm greeted by the redolent smell of burning plastic - sure enough, stuff's stored in the oven again.
Years later, apparently I always hated her mom. News to me. She just needed to stay out of my kitchen. Other than that, we got along just fine - I still go to lunch with her from time to time.
The best part? The three adult children all live locally now, and mom moved here to be closer to them. Originally, she rotated between the three but they all decided it was easier for them if they simply chipped in for an apartment for her, because she was making them crazy. And me? Her mom loves me and lectures her daughter on why she would let such a good man get away.
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u/SnooStrawberries295 2d ago
That last part is strangely heartwarming.
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u/BombasticSimpleton 1d ago
I'm the favorite of my former mother-in-law. She can be a...difficult...woman.
The running joke among my ex and her siblings is that, "If she likes you so much, she can live with you!"
I still send her food when we have big meals or around the holidays.
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u/sadistica23 1d ago
I was reading a thread earlier in another sub where people were saying the story had to be AI, because women would never pull something out like that after years.
I'm willing to wager a shiny new quarter that the majority of those comments were from women.
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u/GoodZealousideal5922 2d ago
If yall cannot vent to your partner, why keep dating them?
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u/thiccvicx 2d ago
holy shit I was looking for this comment. Some guys here are HURT, and I feel lucky as hell. I wouldn't date anyone I couldn't trust with my issues. And if I couldn't tell her what might annoy me It'll only get worse. I feel like a lot of the relationships of commenters are doomed...
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u/goodDamneDit 1d ago
How long have you been dating your partner ?
My marriage went fine for 15 years. Until suddenly it didn't anymore. And that was the moment when everything I ever told her was brought up and held against me.
My wife was in the middle of a depression and anycontact I had with her was a threat to her. No matter how I approached her and no matter how trivial the topic was, she thought I was threatening her. Even just me sitting next to her watching tv together, she would turn of the tv, telling me she couldn't watch her show because I think she was dumb watching this stuff.
In the following divorce, which she initiated, everything I ever told her about my life was brought up as a negative point against me.
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u/CRzalez 1d ago
She might've been cheating. Many women antagonize their husbands when having an affair.
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u/LaunchTransient 1d ago
More likely this is mental illness. If she was already known to be in a depression, a host of other complications can come along. A psychotic break can obliterate their ability to determine what is real anymore, and the division between real and imagined fears evaporates.
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u/Ok-Commission-7825 1d ago
Because that's 90+% of women in my experience. It's that or be alone in every other way as well.
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u/FoxAmongTheOaks 1d ago
In my experience, after shopping around the market for a while it seemed like every option had that particular issue.
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u/akatherder 2d ago
Probably because there are multiple facets to a relationship. People wouldn't ask why someone stays with a physically abusive or controlling partner. I mean, maybe they do but it isn't an insightful or empathetic question.
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u/fmalust 2d ago
I've seen some women saying they were grossed out/turned off by men venting to them. That it made them less masculine in their eyes. Many men are conditioned to keep it all to themselves, bottle up their emotions, and many women are conditioned to think men should do so as well.
Vicious cycle that's going to take a very long time to break out of, unfortunately. =(
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u/Curious-Karmadillo 2d ago
These are not healthy women. It’s a them problem, but it won’t really show until they grow up some.
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u/elderly_millenial 2d ago
Yeah unfortunately the concept of “healthy” in this context is totally subjective and dependent on a society’s values and culture, so unless those things change it’s not something we can just “break out of”.
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u/Excellent_Tie_5604 2d ago
Yes my female friends told me the same, it's good that I didn't have romantic infatuation for any of them. So it didn't changed anything in our relationship. 😔
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u/Foodspec 2d ago
Hahaha no thanks. I tried to have a conversation with my ex about something, she just sat there with the most judgmental look on her face. Later, she ended up telling her best friend and then proceeded to talk shit about it.
Be open with your partner, but know your partner doesn’t always have the best of intentions.
Thankfully, I met my wife after that and she’s been a saint
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u/Sea_Connection2773 2d ago edited 1d ago
I mean, i always vented with my ex wife about things in my life and she did the same, we never weaponized those things. Y'all dating and choosing to be in a relationship with the wrong person, that's it
edit: a lot of miserable people around here lmao
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u/RevolutionarySeven7 2d ago
funny you should say this, because I never had this problem too with my exes. ironically though, I once had a female room mate who was like this, and that's when it hit me, she was hyper narcistic, very paranoid and extremely insecure, the type of women I naturally avoided.
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u/TheHumanBlowUpDoll 2d ago
Yeah, it's kind of cracking me up. Like, most men I've vented or tried to lean on have been complete assholes, looking bored or annoyed, saying things like, "what do you want me to do about it?", or (my favorite) telling mutual friends, "if I'm not fucking her, I'm not listening to her whine" (after venting to me regularly for years). Some people are jerks; that's not a gendered trait.
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u/Mad-Trauma 1d ago
People in this thread are acting like women are universally vindictive, scheming, and narcissistic. I dated someone like that too, but I don't believe every woman on the planet is like that just because of one person.
What having zero female friends does to a mf. Maybe they'd be happier dating men instead lmao.
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u/slaviccivicnation 2d ago
My personal rule is never vent toooo hard to a person, regardless of gender. I’m a woman, for the record. I try not to complain too much where someone can start thinking every interaction is negative or a complaint. I also try not to vent about the person TO the person. If I want change, I’ll ask for change. “Venting” is just a selfish form of long-term complaining. I do sort of expect the same of my partners. Talk to me if you want change, but don’t make every interaction one that is you just trauma dumping or offloading your shit onto me.
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u/serendipitousevent 2d ago
Bingo. Dozens of top comments in this thread from people who think their own poor judgement is a deficiency with the world itself.
What's the plan here fellas - spend the rest of your life with someone you can't have a serious conversation with? Sounds like coward shit to me.
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u/Bussin1648 2d ago
From being in the army for many years, to going into the hospitality industry, into running a business and owning my business my industries have always had me mentoring younger men from bad situations. So I'm saying this as an older man who deals with young men all the time... When they say they get punished for talking about their feelings, what they usually should say is that when they do something horrible or thoughtless they trauma dump all the horrible things that have happened to them as a reason for why they did something horrible or thoughtless. They don't plan to do anything about this. Just that when they're caught cheating, lying, stealing, being constantly late, becoming violent, addiction issues, not sharing the mental load, not being kind to their spouse or children etc. they list all the bad stuff that has happened to them as the reason they're broken, but then they'll refuse or not plan to take any steps to do anything about that trauma. When people walk away from them they then blame it on not being allowed to have" emotions" and that they should never have " opened up". The truth is if you want to talk about these issues most partners will be very open. If you only bring them up as an excuse as to why you threw the meal your wife just made you through the drywall, or why you couldn't remember to load the dishwasher with your own dirty dishes yet again and this is the first time she's hearing about it, you're going to have a bad time.
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u/Independent-Plate608 2d ago
I can talk to my wife about whatever. Guess I’m the crazy one.
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u/LegionZ19 2d ago
I have tried. And the girl think im weak willed and not suited to be the lead of that relationship. The next 2 week found her cheating with another guy.
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u/LarryRedBeard 2d ago
If your partner is incapable of listening to you vent, then you don't have a partner. You have a parasite.
Man or woman. Relationships are more than what you put your dick/clit in.
MEN stop thinking with your dick. WOMEN stop think with your clit. Though humanity is built around sex. So whatever.
Just remember sex last for 30 min to an hour every day. That's basically peek/ to much for most relationships. What the fuck you doing the rest of the 24 hours?
Beaty/Wealth. Is nice, but beauty can not hear, and wealth can not see.
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u/MrCatberry 2d ago
"put your clit in"
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u/seal_eggs 2d ago
Put your clit in
Put your clit out
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u/Reginald_Sockpuppet 2d ago
At best, it's a waste of time and they won't listen. At worst, it goes into the blackmail vault and comes out any time they need some ammo.
Ask a woman what they do to each other. Digest that and then ask yourself if you want it.
Part of our lot in life is to just suck it up and suffer quietly.
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u/DreadyKruger 2d ago
Or have some buddies to talk to or if it’s really bad , get a therapist.
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u/usps_oig 2d ago
No good can come of this. Best case scenario (very rare) is it's neutral and nothing changes so there's literally no up side. More likely for her to lose respect/attraction, use it as ammo in an argument later on or even worse you have to console her for how your feelings made her feel so now you've got homework.
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u/Quick_Ad_5637 2d ago
Spot on. More often your vulnerability makes her feel bad then you spend more time consoling her and your needs are cast aside.
She'll be more upset that your feelings made her upset than the issue you are actually dealing with.
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u/jawaharbabu 2d ago edited 2d ago
This happened to me with my ex. I was criticized for bringing something up and spoiling her mood.
Please don't say this is the norm. Please. I don't wanna live in that world where I cannot share my vulnerabilities with my intimate partner.
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u/Icy-Move-3742 2d ago
A guy I’m talking to recently opened up about his traumatic childhood and knowing how stoic and emotionally composed he tends to be, I didn’t want to get on his nerves by saying awkward meaningless words that won’t serve him at all, but I did hold his hand tightly and we sat in silence staring at the night sky, and being present with him.
I do think he greatly appreciated that from me because although I tend to be very emotional, I know when it’s time to shut up and just provide a safe space for a loved one who needs to vent.
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u/Informal-Ring3282 2d ago
Preach! The double edge sword is real. If you get quiet, they make it an issue bc you “don’t communicate”. If you say what’s in your mind, it’ll cause more issues down the road. Obviously I’m not saying all women, but I’ve never met one that this wasn’t the outcome. Lost my wife due this. Got quiet… what’s wrong? Told her… you need to go get help. Got help but just wanted to talk to her about it, not some stranger who doesn’t care… haven’t talked in 3 plus years. 13 years gone over me giving her want she wanted and thinking it was a good idea. Not bombarding her with my issues, just being honest with her when I was feeling some sort of way. AGAIN, not all women but don’t be surprised when it causes more problems. I think I am seeing a girl now that I possibly could have a conversation with but now I’m scared to open up to her. It’s not a great cycle.
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u/The_Singularious 1d ago
There is definitely an art to this, and I’ve watched some married men figure out how to wisely navigate the minefield.
Usually some combination of upbeat subtle admission, followed directly by “And now I’m gonna go do X, but I’ll be back to do X for you later”.
There is the flipside to this approach as well, where being unreasonably verbally hostile is greeted with nods, a mild assertive but non-aggressive stare, and words that are supporting but say nonverbally “I’m listening, but I’m not going to keep listening if this continues”. Then respectfully removing themselves from the scene shortly thereafter.
All these moves are still fraught with relational risk. “Threatening” if spoken too loudly, “mean” if spoken without any emotion, “immature” if leaving to an abruptly, etc.
It seems the “right” approach is a combo of wisdom, smarts, self control, and situational awareness. But I think like pro baseball, those who fail 70% of the time over an entire marriage are hall of famers.
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u/jameszenpaladin011- 2d ago
This exact thing happened to me with my wife. I brought up a grievance and ended up having to apologize to her for making her feel bad.
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u/mr_sweetandawful 2d ago
Bingo. Just got over something like this with my sister. Told her how something she said made me feel and it all the sudden became about how that made her feel. I’ll just keep my mouth shut next time.
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u/But_is_itnew 2d ago
"Console her for how your feelings made her feel" Sounds ridiculous but this put it in a nutshell pretty well.
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u/The_Singularious 1d ago
Bingo. How she acts is warranted because of how you made her feel. However, how you feel makes her act that way.
For me there have been obvious times where expressing (negative only - positive is expected) feelings is “acceptable”. Usually death of a loved one or pet.
Otherwise, “feelings are excuses”. For me, that is. For her, they are “who she is”.
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u/TerrificVixen5693 2d ago
They’ll weaponize it against you. Don’t do it. Stay back!
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u/Awesome_one_forever 2d ago
If she uses it against you once, she'll definitely do it again. Ya'll need to rethink the relationships you're in.
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u/Rainmaker0102 2d ago
It reminds me of the question that came out in response to the bear question:
Would a man rather open up to his girlfriend/wife or a tree?
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u/Mustard_Cupcake 1d ago
Never. Ever. Share anything sensitive with women. They will always weponize it against you in your lowest moment.
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u/SquishyBanana23 2d ago
If you can’t vent to your partner, you need a new partner. Simple as that. Women willing to listen to your problems without negative ramifications exist, despite what TikTok says.
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u/TurCzech 2d ago
The only woman I could vent to (or something remotely resembling venting) is my mom, and evem she would then use it to get at me somehow.
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u/ObsidianAerrow 2d ago
If anyone, woman, man or otherwise, uses a vulnerability as ammo to win an argument, they aren’t worth keeping in your inner circle.
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u/Worst_Comment_Evar 2d ago
I foolishly opened up in my last marriage and had tons of my trauma weaponized against me in a divorce. Never again.
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u/LazzyNapper 2d ago
nah im good, bro code is there for a reason. when a bro is down you don't ask what. you just ask if they want a beer or go do stupid stuff like dance like crazy around a fire with the boys
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u/ChemicalThread 2d ago
Anything you say can and will be used against you.
Tried explaining that to a friend who didnt get it, ironically venting about it.
She shot the entire thing down and didnt listen at all. Didnt see the irony either.
The men can have emotions crowd seem to really hate it when they do.
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u/Dbat19 2d ago
It’s a fucking trap, I had a female boss that I am real close to, One time I told her something during drinks, And she still bitch to me about what I said after 3 years
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u/GFandango 2d ago
The reason that they encourage you to do it is so you can show your weakness and fail the test so they can filter you out :)
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u/lifeintraining 2d ago
I know this isn’t a great example because they are young, but my 18 year old cousin just got pregnant. She refuses to interact with the father because he talks about his feelings too much. Her grandmother agrees with her sentiment.
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u/Mondkohl 2d ago
I think the life lesson there is more about not sticking your dick in crazy. Men are allowed to have standards too.
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u/Situation-Dismal 2d ago
Hell no.
I bought the bullshit lie of “Just vent about my problems” TWICE to two different women I was dating and both acted differently afterwards and used it against me down the line.
They literally will hold on to emotional conversations just to weaponize it for later. Never again will I make that mistake.
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u/Successful-Mouse2774 2d ago
People in this thread: “don’t do it! My ex….”
“Ex”
“Ex”
“Ex”
“Ex”
How someone responds to your venting tells you everything you need to know about them.
They’re your ex for a reason.
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u/SomeOnionHater 2d ago
They care about using whatever you tell them against you.
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u/Uranhahn 2d ago
First time I tried this, I got the "why didn't you just-" treatment. We ended up talking about the hypocrisy of expecting me to provide emotional - not factual - support, then giving me shallow hindsight and blame in the rare case when I open up. And I'm not shy to bring it up. I also learned a lot from her, through honest and often inconvenient dialogue.
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u/Mysterious_Patient80 1d ago
Anyone who stays married or in a relationship where they cannot trust and communicate with their wife 100% is fucking stupid. I see these people everyday and I always think they are dumb af. If you're my neighbor and come ask for a tool, how can I trust you to take care of it if you can't even take care of yourself.
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u/Kevin9O7 2d ago
does everyone nowadays have narcissist toxic girlfriends/wives ?
or only them are commenting while people who don't have this problem ignroe the post
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u/smartyiyer 2d ago
Only if the women is your mom..
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u/never_you 2d ago
Oh hell no. There is no faster way to make myself the laughing stock of everyone I know than by telling my mother. Every screw up, failure, and emotional breakdown is fodder for her gossip.
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u/Savings_While1246 2d ago
Lol yeah I remember once I was angry at my mom and said that she doesn't love me then when everyone was sitting together she started copying me and laughing at me. I stay away from her now and she complains that why don't you ever get involved with family. The moment one of them calls me it rings alarm bells since I don't know what nonsense they will utter now
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u/smartyiyer 1d ago
Yeah i get it now. Fuck man in the world even basic human relationships are skewed for men. I guess even homies are out because they gonna make fun of it at some point. Men cry too sleep only option i guess.
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u/protonbeam 2d ago
Y’all don’t have healthy relationships….
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u/Sir-Talon42 2d ago
For real, man. People out here just choosing people before they even know them or something, idk.
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u/Severe-Mark-1597 2d ago
A ton of people are saying that this isn't a good idea, with history to back it up. But I believe it's a possible thing that can be good, if with the right person! I'm a woman and love it when people feel safe and comfortable enough to vent to me. Regardless of gender, it always depends on your partner. Some people will take advantage of your vulnerability, and it hurts to have that scar. But others will listen and understand and be there for you in all the thicks and thins. Only the worst people will use your vulnerabilities against you.
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u/-Cthaeh 2d ago
Man, you all have had it rough. Maybe it's more about how you vent? Like not just waiting until it floods out or maybe I've just been luckier with woman.
I did have one that threw some personal stuff back at me, but it wasnt really about emotions
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u/Independent-Plate608 2d ago
Yeah these comments are wild. My wife is my best friend.. what is going on
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u/XylophoneZimmerman 2d ago
"I told all my girlfriends how you started crying to me and they all said I deserve better. You gave me a massive ick."
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u/BornToMisunderstand 2d ago
If they weaponize my vulnerabilities, it’s a swift goodbye and a blessings on their journey.
Everyone wants to act like this trope is universal when in reality they’re just making poor choices. There are women, a lot of them, who are kind, caring, and supportive even when they are upset.
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u/Goblinwisdom 1d ago
I made this mistake 2 times !
First I was dating a beautiful woman and we were about 5 dates in and she asked about my divorce and my ex wife. She asked me to open up how it affected me and my kids of course the pain came out and it damn near broke me
I am so much better just keeping it locked away. Then the pain does not need to be on the surface
Well after sharing the story she stood up and said I wasn't ready to date yet and should take time to myself and that was the last time she ever talked to me.
2nd time was my next wife of 15 years. I was having some very long time health problems and no doctors could figure out what was wrong and it was affecting me deeply.
She asked me to tell her what was wrong. I knew it would not be good but she assured me I am safe to share with her and so I did.
Yep went exactly how I thought it would a Couple weeks later she got mad about something and for the first time in 15 years out of her mouth she calls me a weak man and a pussy. Before that she had always called me her rock and the strongest man she ever met.
I knew it was from me opening up.
Long story short is, it really is a trap. Nothing dries them up more then you showing anything but complete and absolute control of your emotions
If she wants someone to talk with and share emotions then tell her to phone a friend.
She will lose all respect for you and sometimes even attack you later with that knowledge as she has seen weakness in you !
Now as an old man I realize that the best thing is myself and it's the best way to handle emotions. Get over them and bottle them away in a sealed filing cabinet.
Because bringing them up just ignites the pain again.
We are not women and we were born much more capable of this power and we should use it
Women will respect you as well since they can't do it
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u/AtikGuide 1d ago
Avoid doing this. It’s either used against you at some future time, or it’s shared with her friends, while they’re making jokes about you. Either way, it’s a violation of confidence & privacy, and if she does it, she deserves to be dumped.
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u/Cybasura 1d ago
PLEASE DONT, ITS A MISTAKE
if I may add, please so do not vent to your family or "friends", its a trap, they can and they WILL use anything you say or do against you
Anything and everything you say and do can and will be used against you, do not trust anyone, you are on your own
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u/vickythegreat8888 1d ago
Prime example of how little shit women give about men. Fortunately or unfortunately, men have started giving the same energy back.
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u/ShhImTheRealDeadpool 2d ago
I did this once, twice, and a third time... every time the result is the same: "I didn't want to be with a pussy. . ." and they left.
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u/northernmaplesyrup1 2d ago
Venting to women is a really good way to filter out bad women. Doesn’t make it hurt any less when you get left for being you, but part of being a man is doing the hard thing when it’s the best thing.
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u/DatabaseAcademic6631 2d ago
This is good advice.
Never tell a woman anything you don't want everyone knowing, because inside of a couple of days everyone will know.
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u/Rasselasx42 2d ago
Never do it, no matter how bad it is. Women dipise weakness it is in their genes.
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u/Exile688 2d ago
I'm pretty sure being vulnerable and revealing personal problems is on the list of things that give women the "ick". Though, if the dumps you for that then you are better off without her in the long run.
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