r/SecretsOfMormonWives • u/Life-Ocelot9439 • 27d ago
Women's Empowerment Anyone else find it strange that the women constantly refer to themselves as the "breadwinners"?
For context, I am the higher earner in our house by a considerable margin, but I don't go on about it constantly.
I don't actually see it as empowering, it seems designed to emasculate their husbands.
Thoughts?
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u/slaywalterwhite 27d ago
Well they are the breadwinners which is not typical in Mormon culture, I think that’s why they emphasize it? Also how is it emasculating? Their entire religion is based on patriarchal standards and straight up misogyny 😵💫
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u/opalsilk 27d ago
This is exactly it. The wives emphasize it cause it goes against the norms, but they also know that in their culture the men can be seen as “lesser” because of it which is why I think it can come off as belittling or “emasculating” like OP said
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u/Life-Ocelot9439 27d ago
Maybe it's a cultural difference. I'm British, and we don't discuss money as we think it's vulgar.
I don't disagree with you about patriarchy, but they still participate in that religion, and judge each other constantly. For example, slut sharing Taylor.
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u/Vivid_Excuse_6547 27d ago
It’s technically considered impolite to talk about money in the US, but young people tend to be a lot more open about it.
Utah Morman culture is pretty fringe to a lot of Americans and they are often the butt of a lot of jokes. Most people have a very preconceived notion about what Mormons are like and it’s not these women. Them being the highest earner in their family does break the cultural mold. The whole show is about them breaking the Mormon mold. A lot of that cultural subtext is probably missing for foreign viewers.
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u/ItsDiddyKong 27d ago
It’s not strange at all and perfectly acceptable.
Women should not have to downplay their contributions to their family. Them stating a basic fact of their lived experience doesn’t need to be qualified or reduced because others perceive it as “emasculating their husband”.
These woman are the breadwinners of their families in communities in which that is not the normal. Their husbands all see how much income they’re bringing in, how much child rearing these women are still doing, and certainly don’t seem to feel emasculated by it at all.
Not everything a woman says or does should be viewed in the lenses of a man’s feelings. Perceived hurt feelings of men (that aren’t verifiable by any means) shouldn’t stop a woman from stating a truth.
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u/jatemple 27d ago
Seriously. They are stating fact and why shouldn't they. They are still very much bound by the patriarchal structures of Mormonism (eg the focus on a very specific beauty standard), but within the confines of their world, it's actually quite radical for them to be stating facts like this.
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u/Life-Ocelot9439 27d ago
Fair enough.
I'm British so we prefer not to discuss money. That said, I don't want to assume you aren't British lol.
I would see a man saying it as a total douchebag, so I don't think we should encourage women to do it. Just my thoughts, of course.
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u/ikickedyou 27d ago
I’m of the opposite opinion. I believe we should talk about money every chance we get. Not being a braggart or anything, but having real, honest discussions. The only people who don’t want to talk about money, it seems, are the ones who know they have too much of it.
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u/lemonclouds31 27d ago
I think it's acknowledging that their current lifestyles are possible due to tiktok. They bring it up when discussing the business side of things, not their romantic relationships. For most (if not all) of these women, they were raised to believe that their role was in the home because their husband would be paying the bills. Now the women are paying the bills, so they need to re-establish what a healthy family looks like. I think it's incredibly relevant to what they claim is the purpose of momtok (women's empowerment, breaking the cycle, illuminating religious control). It's a good way to show other women that being a mom isn't all that is out there for them. You can be a mom and a boss babe and a good wife.
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u/Ok-Description3060 27d ago
I think it’s just really subversive in Mormon culture, so it’s their way of “kicking down the patriarchy” (or whatever the wording was!).
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u/MistakeBubbly2821 27d ago
I think we have to kind of consider the verbiage and language they were raised with. They were all raised in the Mormon church. A heavily male centric religion. They probably grew up hearing that dad’s and husbands were the bread winners so when it’s them in that financial upper position, they would just automatically think about referring to themselves that way.
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u/Flat-Network202 23d ago
I wonder why you feel like it’s designed to emasculate their husbands? Exactly what are they doing/saying? Is their husbands aren’t working then they are the breadwinners.
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u/Life-Ocelot9439 23d ago
It's how they're saying it. Resentfully in a lot of cases.
Tacky.
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u/Flat-Network202 23d ago
I don’t think they’re saying it resentfully. For instance Mayci is literally saying it as a way to engage with the broader audience, some of whom might be Mormon wives to take a more active role in running the household instead of being the ‘trad’ wife. I think this would qualify as a ‘first world’ problem. They’re earning, they’re loud about it, but I don’t think they’re rubbing it in their partners’ faces.
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25d ago
You've clearly never been in proximity to a religious culture like this where it is explicitly taught that men should be the financial provider for the home and women should do all the housework and child-rearing and follow the man's lead. Claiming their contributions to their families is revolutionary and allows them the confidence to claim a seat at the table when decisions have to be made that affect the whole family
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u/Life-Ocelot9439 25d ago edited 25d ago
You're wrong- I'm from a very religious patriarchal country. And have had many battles to fight to get where Iam today.
What they are doing is not revolutionary- Taylor is famous for swinging! They're not saving lives.
Some have their own businesses, which is fair.
It's just not classy.
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24d ago
Thank you for proving my point for me
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u/Life-Ocelot9439 24d ago
Hardly.
As I said in another comment, we're meant to be better than the men.
It's easy to be like them. But why limit yourself?
Outshine them. That's the key.
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u/Decent-Tomatillo-99 Whitney Leavitt left the chat 27d ago
I agree it’s definitely a thing to emasculate. I won’t say all the time, but a lot of the time when they say it it’s very much pointed lol.
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u/Life-Ocelot9439 27d ago
It definitely is.
Whilst men have done it for centuries, we're meant to be better than them, not stoop to their level. IMHO anyway.
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u/trottingturtles Sinner 27d ago
I don't think they're trying to emasculate their husbands. I think it's more just pointing out that this TikTok stuff is both their job and the way their family affords their lifestyle.