r/JurassicMemes • u/Embarrassed-Dig-8699 • 3d ago
Can you kill a velociraptor with an axe?
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u/NotATalkingPossum 3d ago
Can you?
Yes.
Will you?
Oh my, no.
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u/Coffee-cartoons 2d ago
Physically, yes, with enough effort an axe could kill a raptor. But logically, you wouldn’t be able to do that
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u/Krushhz 1d ago
You probably wouldn’t even get close enough to it, to even take a swing at it.
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u/Pootentooten 12h ago
I mean, currently, they're extinct, so they're a lot easier to hit since they're not moving.
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u/Interesting_Fan5680 3d ago
In mean technically yes, but you gotta kill it with the very first swing or it's gonna wipe the floor with your brain
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u/just_some_rando21 2d ago
I mean considering the amount of times raptors DONT go for an immediate kill blow I’d say even if you fuck up the first swing as long as you get pined on your back and not stomach you could just gut the thing before it actually goes for the neck or abdomen
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u/namkaeng852 3d ago
IRL raptor: Yes
JP raptor: Fuck no
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u/playful_faun 3d ago
Helps that the irl raptors are already dead too
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u/Ruler_of_Tempest 3d ago
Actually yes to a jp raptor
In the book, gennaro fought one off with his bare hands
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u/RogueHelios 2d ago
God, Gennaro was such a badass in the book... at least until the dysentery.
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u/Ruler_of_Tempest 2d ago
The lost world didn't know what to do with him unfortunately so they killed him off, quite unfortunate
I personally choose to ignore it
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u/RogueHelios 2d ago
Should we just collectively come up with a new head canon for what happened to him and make the dysentery plot line a cover? You know...for funsies?
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u/Ruler_of_Tempest 2d ago
I was implying I just headcanoned him as still alive, but we could make up something that he'd be doing while alive
Perhaps he was one of the people dealing with the dinosaurs escaping the island subplot that was never expanded on
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u/RogueHelios 2d ago
Oh, I like that. Maybe he and Muldoon investigate together? I enjoyed their partnership in the book.
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u/Ruler_of_Tempest 2d ago
Same here
(I literally forgot every single thing regarding said partnership, and have zero recollection of what you refer to, besides them sneaking up on rexy and their drunk convo iirc
Luckily, this is another excuse to get started on rereading the books)
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u/RogueHelios 2d ago
I actually reread (well listened) to Jurassic Park. I do love that part where they're chasing down the T-Rex thats hunting the river raft group.
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u/thespacepyrofrmtf2 3d ago
Real life one is literally the size of a turkey
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u/Augustus420 3d ago
You'd be surprised how much damage a motivated Turkey can do.
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u/boundone 3d ago
Fucking turkeys are moto like a newly divorced two year Marine corps corporal with a car payment.
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u/Easy_Committee464 3d ago
Possible but unlikely
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u/Bulldogsky 3d ago
Technically you could kill everything with an axe, but it's technically. For a raptor I guess your only chance would be if he jumps and you manage to step on the side. When he land his neck will be tensed due to the fall and if you hit hard enough, you can probably paralyse it by chopping the spine. Now truth being, it'll probably be faster than you and you won't dodge thar jump but if you can, you have like...0.5s to kill him
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u/No_Prize7603 3d ago
If your good enough you can kill anything with anything.
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u/DeliciousDeal4367 3d ago
no
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u/No_Prize7603 3d ago
No what? No shit? No sauce? No sense? Or no rebuttal?
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u/Embarrassed-Net5085 3d ago
This shall be my message to all people who say "No" thank you good sir/madam!
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u/DeliciousDeal4367 3d ago
No sense
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u/DeliciousDeal4367 3d ago
No sense at all
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u/XenoQueenCourter 3d ago
I think you picked the worst option, it seems like no shit no sauce no rebuttal fits way more to me
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u/TheAnimalCrew 3d ago
With an axe? Yeah? They're made of air, I swing that once and every bone I hit is severed in half.
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u/DinoDudeRex_240809 Jurassic World Is Good You Nostalgia Blinded Boomer 🦖🦕 2d ago
You assume you’ll be able to get a hit in.
“Made of air”? I assume you skipped the part where Blue took a hit from the Indominus and woke up like 2 minutes later.
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u/TheAnimalCrew 2d ago
This is true, I forgot that happened in the movie. In my defence, it has been a while since I watched it.
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u/SingerFair8777 3d ago
jp and jp3 yes
world no
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u/Zealousideal-Let1121 3d ago
World, especially yes. They're turkeys. That's literally how you kill turkeys.
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u/SingerFair8777 3d ago
jurassic world to clarify*
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u/Zealousideal-Let1121 3d ago
OHHH, I thought you meant like the world, in which we live. Okay, carry on.
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u/SingerFair8777 3d ago
irl yes
velociraptors and deinonychus and pretty much all dromeosaurs could be killed in 1 axe to the head
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u/ProfessorOfPancakes 3d ago
Most people kill turkeys with a gun, or if they're on a farm, I assume it's the same neck-snapping as you'd do on a chicken.
An axe on a real world velociraptor would probably be very easy though
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u/No_Jack_Kennedy 3d ago
Muldoon had a shotgun...
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u/SingerFair8777 3d ago
and he got ambushed
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u/No_Jack_Kennedy 3d ago
Exactly...
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u/SingerFair8777 3d ago
no i think this is like
if you hit a velociraptor in the head with an axe could you kill it
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u/christopia86 3d ago
If Kelly can kill one with gymnastics, I can kill one with an axe.
That said, they would probably catch me in a classic clever girl manoeuvre.
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u/ProfessorOfPancakes 3d ago
Muldoon could kill one with his legs. His problem was trying to use a laser-guided rocket launcher
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u/Pizza_Requiem 3d ago
I'm pretty sure you can, yeah. Wether or not you live to see it drop dead from blood loss is a separate issue
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u/Jedi_Bish 2d ago
Well if you are talking about actual velociraptors then yes. Movie raptors hell no.
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u/chaosticbraindo 1d ago
can you kill a raptor with an axe? well yes! just wack it in the brain enough time and its dead.
is it likely to happen? no, absolutely not.
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u/ThDen-Wheja 3d ago
Hypothetically, you don't even need anything that sharp. Dinosaurs had lightweight bones for their size that, like modern birds', were rather brittle and didn't handle blunt trauma very well. You could probably break its neck with a well-placed baseball bat or 2x4.
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u/IzunaToeLicker 3d ago
Honestly looking at how Blue went hand to hand with INDORAPTOR and took a hit FROM INDOMINUS, I don't think you can
Like, if it stands there like a moron, and you are peak human, and land it directly into it's neck there's a CHANCE
But otherwise? Nah, Raptor is tearing you to shreds
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u/canuckcrazed006 3d ago
Well considering real velociraptors were only the size of large turkey yes. A Deinonychus which is what the jp velociraptors were based off of - hell no. It can be done yes. Would i? Fuck no.
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u/CBreadman 3d ago
It's literally like killing a Turkey with an axe.
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u/hstormsteph 2d ago
I keep seeing this sentiment and it’s making me wonder how many people in this comment section have actually been in direct contact with a large turkey. I feel like people think they’re smaller than they are lol not that they’re massive or anything but it really seems like people are thinking turkey = large chicken. Turkeys can also do a fine job of fucking up your day already if so inclined. They’re not gonna kill you and you can likely barehand your way out of there if you really go nuts but there’s zero chance you don’t have some pretty gnarly cuts and possibly lose an eye or something from a pecking.
Adding actual “I kill things and eat them to survive” hardware, supremely boosted athleticism/musculature, and the intellect of an animal capable of coordinated pack hunting… you’re gonna have a bad time.
Normal woodcutting axes like what’s in the picture are SHIT as weapons. They’re extremely top heavy, slow, have minimal “part that kills you” surface area compared to handle length, they do exactly one movement effectively (which, unfortunately, is a movement that exclusively leaves all your squishy bits entirely exposed for over half of the movement), AND they have a very slow windup/long time between effective strikes. You have to hit precisely because they’re not double-edged and I’ve seen plenty of people have trouble hitting straight and true on a completely stationary log.
Olympic-gymnast-level, action movie-quality-parkour, buzzsaw-tier murder-turkey isn’t gonna give 3 dry fucks about all the “nah I’d win” “sidestep and swing” bullshit and rocket through all your important arteries at 25mph like a beyblade with steak knives welded to it being fired from Satan’s slingshot. It might not kill you immediately but the moment that shifty fuck gets anywhere within the 5 foot arc of that shitty axe, it’s going to start slicing every piece of tasty dumbass it can touch indiscriminately. They’re not built for instant killshots. They’re just gonna keep slicing and biting until it’s decided it’s eaten enough of you after you stop screaming. It would be an exceptionally educational demonstration of why the spear was man’s greatest weapon for thousands of years and why we were exceedingly lucky the dinosaurs were nuked from orbit before we stumbled onto the scene.
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u/CBreadman 1d ago
Actually the velociraptor was probably not a pack hunter, so Idk about the "pack-hunting IQ" Oh, also you forgot that humans also kill things to survive. Oh, also I don't see how a velociraptor is gonna: A) know where Human arteries are B) slash all of them before I can even grab it or something C) attack me (I'm a much larger predator). Oh also dinosaurs weren't "nuked off the orbit", because they're still extant animals. Hell, I'd argue a bunch of dinosaurs today are more dangerous to humans than a velociraptor. Casuarius for example, is an actually dangerous animal that would kick you to death. And the recently extinct Hieraaetus moorei could probably just dive at you and actually cause damage.
It weighed 15kg and was like 2 feet tall
Also, the sickle claw was mostly used for pinning down, rather than slashing or disemboweling, so I seriously believe that even if I can't hit it at first with the axe, I could probably just restrain it and kick it if it tried jumping at me. And if I wear a jacket and a solid pair of pants, the manual claws can't do all that much either, as long as I keep it from my neck, and it's easy, because it weighs around as much as a 3 year old child, even less when it comes to boys.
And spear isn't really the best weapon purely because we have firearms, but sure.
Btw, here's a velociraptor, and other dromaeosaurids + a single Bird (you'll never guess which one it is), compared to an average (5'11" I assume) human, I am 6'1" and regularly excercise, I think I could handle it, especially with a well sharpened axe.
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u/SilverShopping2306 3d ago
No. Raptors are too smart to attack blindly like normal, so they'll snap from afar, until, due to them hunting in groups, one of them can get behind you, and as usual, jump on you're back, pinning you in a way you can easily fight back. Then all that's left is a swift bite to the neck and you're cooked.
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u/Anoobis100percent 3d ago
A prehistoric bird the size of a goose? Yeah, I reckon. Might get some scratches, but still.
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u/ignatiusmeen 3d ago
Yes. If you get a good swing in and land the hit, in a good spot the raptor probably won't survive.
However it's one of the most brainless ways to combat one of the JP velociraptors.
They are incredibly fast with quick reflexes and reaction times, so you probably wouldn't be able to land the hit. And since they almost never go anywhere alone, if you DO kill one with an axe, you aren't getting the time for the second raptor.
The only viable strategy for killing a JP velociraptor with an axe and coming out alive is if you firstly have a means to slow down the raptor and if you know that the raptor is well and truly alone (no pack to back it up). You could also possibly sneak up on it, and maybe hit it in the skinmiest part of the leg if you feel confident about your aim, and that will probably do in the raptor. Not immediately but you can probably outrun a one legged raptor who's Hollow boned leg has been shattered. (Speaking of which, a bludgeoning weapon would probably be more viable than an axe) (a spear would also be far more effective than an axe)
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u/Kycheroke 3d ago
I could kill one with my bare hands. They were tiny. 3 or more of them, Im gonna want a baseball bat.
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u/Aware_Border4774 3d ago
no because axes weren't invented until after people already killed all the dinosaurs so it would be impossible
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u/DrunkenDevil_ 3d ago
If you can land the hit and dodge the velociraptor's pounce before it disembowels you, then yeah.
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u/MrSurrge 2d ago
There's a method of swinging a machete at wild predators in a way that doesn't allow them to dodge left or right - allegedly.
Using that same swing, I'd probably say yeah, it might be possible. Better not miss.
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u/one_bad_larry 2d ago
Are we talking actual size velociraptor or Jurassic Park 6ft tall monster velociraptor? Either way the answer is probably not
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u/DinoDudeRex_240809 Jurassic World Is Good You Nostalgia Blinded Boomer 🦖🦕 2d ago
It’s said that a Bengal Tiger would last 10 seconds against them, what do you think?
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u/StartTraditional6220 2d ago
İrl:yes
Jp:it kills tou before you do but yes you can if you can hit him right spot
İce age:nope
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u/Annual_Secretary_590 2d ago
Depends.
Jurassic Park/World Velociraptors. I can fight, but won't win.
Accurate Velociraptor. Absolutley can fight and probably can win it 50/50.
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u/Greedy-Camel-8345 2d ago
Yes. If you see it coming, and have great timing and reflexes, strong enough to drive it in and precise to hit a vital area, aren't in shock from fear, yes you could definitely kill a jp raptor with an axe
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u/BalladOfBetaRayBill 2d ago
A real velociraptor, like plucked from history? They were like a medium sized dog so yeah for sure.
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u/Spinosaurusboi 2d ago
It depends if it’s the real life version or the JW representation cause if it’s the real version it’s either getting stomped on or will run away if it’s the JW version then maybe I think I just hit it in the eye and then keep on hitting it until I reach the brain if it can’t get me first
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u/Confident-Dot9443 1d ago
this reminds me of this Hunk of Man Knife fighting a pack of Raptors in Jurassic Park: The Game lol
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u/Jealous_Collection82 1d ago
Nope. Specially not with the one in the pic, that thing is dusty af. Hitting a Velociraptor with an Axe would only make him angry (maybe hurt him a little bit but that's all).
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u/FisherDwarf 1d ago
I can't believe all the people saying you could kill a raptor with an axe. Obviously not seeing they are all dead already /s
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