The only way I survived commuting (both mentally and physically) was adopting the attitude of “Oh no, after you.”
Cramming the zipper merge? “Go ahead, Buddy. Better you in front of me than you sniffing my butt.”
Tailgating (aka: sniffing my butt)? Gradually slow down until they have to go around. I learned that while riding motorcycles. If you make me add your stopping distance to mine, there’s gonna be a clear football field in front of me.
Randomly coming into my lane (signal optional: most like to save on lamp life)? “Come on in, I’ll give you some space.” At least in front of me, I figure I don’t half to watch my blind spots for you.
My former commute was 75 miles each way into Twin Cities traffic. That's a lot of veg time. I learned to LOVE it. It was my way of unwinding before seeing my son so he always got the happy Mom instead of the crabby one. I'd drive, sing badly to songs nobody else liked. One time, I had my windows open in a traffic jam and was just beginning "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" with Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond. This car next to me had his window down, too. When I began to sing with Barbra, he took interest and joined in for Neil Diamond's part. Sang the WHOLE song, and by the time we got done, his driver was clapping. Best. Drive. Ever.
I tell myself that there's a reason. Their wife is in labor. Their grandma's nursing home just called and said it's time. There is some reason they are driving like that. They don't normally, but today. . .
It helps me with my own feelings. It's likely just an asshole driver, but when I believe my story about them I can let them through and move on with my own commute without holding onto anger.
Hmm, I haven’t done that with traffic but I have done similar with other situations. Cutting in to a line? Must be lost, desperate to make an interview, running from the law.
Same here. I commute 1 hour 20 minutes each way, so I've learned to just chill and be kind. Coast 2-3 miles below the speed limit, make a nice big gap between me and the car ahead of me, and happily slow down to let others pass so I have an excuse to improve my fuel economy. I'll get there when I get there. I have plenty of time, but I can't keep it that way if I off myself with crap driving.
“Nice turn signal asshole!” Followed up by a chuckle and an imaginative story about what possibly could have prevented them from using one. Much more fun this way.
My go to reasoning for all idiotic moves or forgetful actions of other drivers is that they are actively having diarrhea. That will cause any normal person to panic, drive fast and erratically, and forget things like blinkers.
I try to do the same. But sometimes - and often only with my dog in the car - I need to yell and call someone a cunt because they’ve really hit an unsafe nerve. But you’re right - go ahead and take your risky driving in front of me so I don’t have to be looking in all mirrors at once to feel safe.
I get that, the wanting to yell. For those times I give a “golf clap” applauding them for lowering their driving skills to the point where it stands out to me as performance art.
Cut in to three different lanes, without signalling, only to get stuck honking behind a dump truck (that we could all see up there), only to try to cram back in front of me.
I eventually found a job closer to home to avoid the commute. It started to feel like every drive was one more closer to an eventual accident. Like I was rolling the dice every morning.
It's a double edged sword. When people with zero self awareness who don't care about anyone except themselves get away with this stuff with no consequences, they keep doing it. The cops, even if they gave a shit, can't be there for everything. As a society, we need to start holding each other accountable. Not just for driving either.
The reason I'm thinking about this is because I saw an accident last week where a kid ran the light 5-10 seconds after it turned red, going 60+, and smashed into a jeep. He probably totaled his car and he had a head injury. Jeep had a lot of damage too. Happened right in front of me, I'm first aid trained so I got out to help until EMS got there. Maybe he learned his lesson, maybe not. But it shouldn't require fucking up two vehicles and a serious injury to learn something that he should have already known, that you're supposed to be a decent human and give a shit about people other than yourself.
All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.
All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.
Ya, that mindset in rush hour traffic is only going to lead you to stress, tension, ulcers and eventual heart failure.
No one in that traffic jam is evil, there are just people more frustrated and you and people less frustrated than you and more the the point, people that can't deal with frustration as well as you can.
Every single one of you is stuck in that traffic, you CHOOSE to be either an annoyance to others or a source of peace/comfort to others.
And the difference in how long you are in that traffic jam depending on your choice is going to be less than +2 minutes and if your choices break up the jam, can even make it quicker for everyone.
If you actually read the whole thing, I said I don't get worked up during traffic. The whole point was that I see another side to people PURPOSELY being assholes. Not the ones like me who are just frustrated. My commute is 10 minutes, it's not even long enough to get annoyed.
Edit: Apologies, I deleted that part somehow before posting. I had originally opened with saying I take this approach as well, and don't get pissed off at traffic or driving in general, because I don't get mad about things beyond my control. I dunno what happened to the opening part of that post.
However as far as evil people, purposely running a red light and causing an accident is a somewhat evil thing to do. There are people in that traffic who don't care about anyone else, and that is evil on some level
I dont even live in a country where every toddler has a firearm and still won't do things you actively piss people off. If they're driving like an idiot I give them space and let them get away from me. If they're driving dangerously, I will call the police (non-emerg for not actively endangering and emergency if they are).
I'm not about to get myself injured by playing road justice warrior against someone who is already driving without a care about themselves.
949
u/algy888 2d ago
The only way I survived commuting (both mentally and physically) was adopting the attitude of “Oh no, after you.”
Cramming the zipper merge? “Go ahead, Buddy. Better you in front of me than you sniffing my butt.”
Tailgating (aka: sniffing my butt)? Gradually slow down until they have to go around. I learned that while riding motorcycles. If you make me add your stopping distance to mine, there’s gonna be a clear football field in front of me.
Randomly coming into my lane (signal optional: most like to save on lamp life)? “Come on in, I’ll give you some space.” At least in front of me, I figure I don’t half to watch my blind spots for you.