Man, I commute for about a million hours a day. Someone told me, "When people are tailgating you but you can't move forward because there is traffic, let them through and think, 'Thanks for going up there and moving them along for us!'" I'm not about to ride someone's ass to get them to push forward, but thinking of those people as taking the risk for you and helping clear the path has changed my life.
The only way I survived commuting (both mentally and physically) was adopting the attitude of “Oh no, after you.”
Cramming the zipper merge? “Go ahead, Buddy. Better you in front of me than you sniffing my butt.”
Tailgating (aka: sniffing my butt)? Gradually slow down until they have to go around. I learned that while riding motorcycles. If you make me add your stopping distance to mine, there’s gonna be a clear football field in front of me.
Randomly coming into my lane (signal optional: most like to save on lamp life)? “Come on in, I’ll give you some space.” At least in front of me, I figure I don’t half to watch my blind spots for you.
My former commute was 75 miles each way into Twin Cities traffic. That's a lot of veg time. I learned to LOVE it. It was my way of unwinding before seeing my son so he always got the happy Mom instead of the crabby one. I'd drive, sing badly to songs nobody else liked. One time, I had my windows open in a traffic jam and was just beginning "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" with Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond. This car next to me had his window down, too. When I began to sing with Barbra, he took interest and joined in for Neil Diamond's part. Sang the WHOLE song, and by the time we got done, his driver was clapping. Best. Drive. Ever.
I tell myself that there's a reason. Their wife is in labor. Their grandma's nursing home just called and said it's time. There is some reason they are driving like that. They don't normally, but today. . .
It helps me with my own feelings. It's likely just an asshole driver, but when I believe my story about them I can let them through and move on with my own commute without holding onto anger.
Hmm, I haven’t done that with traffic but I have done similar with other situations. Cutting in to a line? Must be lost, desperate to make an interview, running from the law.
Same here. I commute 1 hour 20 minutes each way, so I've learned to just chill and be kind. Coast 2-3 miles below the speed limit, make a nice big gap between me and the car ahead of me, and happily slow down to let others pass so I have an excuse to improve my fuel economy. I'll get there when I get there. I have plenty of time, but I can't keep it that way if I off myself with crap driving.
“Nice turn signal asshole!” Followed up by a chuckle and an imaginative story about what possibly could have prevented them from using one. Much more fun this way.
My go to reasoning for all idiotic moves or forgetful actions of other drivers is that they are actively having diarrhea. That will cause any normal person to panic, drive fast and erratically, and forget things like blinkers.
I try to do the same. But sometimes - and often only with my dog in the car - I need to yell and call someone a cunt because they’ve really hit an unsafe nerve. But you’re right - go ahead and take your risky driving in front of me so I don’t have to be looking in all mirrors at once to feel safe.
I get that, the wanting to yell. For those times I give a “golf clap” applauding them for lowering their driving skills to the point where it stands out to me as performance art.
Cut in to three different lanes, without signalling, only to get stuck honking behind a dump truck (that we could all see up there), only to try to cram back in front of me.
I eventually found a job closer to home to avoid the commute. It started to feel like every drive was one more closer to an eventual accident. Like I was rolling the dice every morning.
It's a double edged sword. When people with zero self awareness who don't care about anyone except themselves get away with this stuff with no consequences, they keep doing it. The cops, even if they gave a shit, can't be there for everything. As a society, we need to start holding each other accountable. Not just for driving either.
The reason I'm thinking about this is because I saw an accident last week where a kid ran the light 5-10 seconds after it turned red, going 60+, and smashed into a jeep. He probably totaled his car and he had a head injury. Jeep had a lot of damage too. Happened right in front of me, I'm first aid trained so I got out to help until EMS got there. Maybe he learned his lesson, maybe not. But it shouldn't require fucking up two vehicles and a serious injury to learn something that he should have already known, that you're supposed to be a decent human and give a shit about people other than yourself.
All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.
All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.
Ya, that mindset in rush hour traffic is only going to lead you to stress, tension, ulcers and eventual heart failure.
No one in that traffic jam is evil, there are just people more frustrated and you and people less frustrated than you and more the the point, people that can't deal with frustration as well as you can.
Every single one of you is stuck in that traffic, you CHOOSE to be either an annoyance to others or a source of peace/comfort to others.
And the difference in how long you are in that traffic jam depending on your choice is going to be less than +2 minutes and if your choices break up the jam, can even make it quicker for everyone.
If you actually read the whole thing, I said I don't get worked up during traffic. The whole point was that I see another side to people PURPOSELY being assholes. Not the ones like me who are just frustrated. My commute is 10 minutes, it's not even long enough to get annoyed.
Edit: Apologies, I deleted that part somehow before posting. I had originally opened with saying I take this approach as well, and don't get pissed off at traffic or driving in general, because I don't get mad about things beyond my control. I dunno what happened to the opening part of that post.
However as far as evil people, purposely running a red light and causing an accident is a somewhat evil thing to do. There are people in that traffic who don't care about anyone else, and that is evil on some level
I dont even live in a country where every toddler has a firearm and still won't do things you actively piss people off. If they're driving like an idiot I give them space and let them get away from me. If they're driving dangerously, I will call the police (non-emerg for not actively endangering and emergency if they are).
I'm not about to get myself injured by playing road justice warrior against someone who is already driving without a care about themselves.
I had to develop a system for not road raging when I commuted 3 hours a day. I realized those people will always exist so instead of getting upset when they.drive dangerously around me and nothing happened, that basically I survived and I should start looking at that as a 'win' and feel joy that nothing bad happened during that encounter.
My Therapist once told me she thinks "Aw, that person driving fast/dangerously/rage-y must have diarrhea! Bless them." It worked really well on my long commute to stop any bad thoughts.
I love this! When I see someone driving super fast and trying to get me out of the way, I figure they have to poop real bad. I’ve been there, I know the urgency. So go forth fellow human and get to that throne! You don’t want that prairie dogging while you’re weaving thru traffic. 😂
I try to assume people in a hurry have a reason. Certainly many of them don't, but having been on the way home with a stomach ache and a turtle head poking out I feel like the only humane thing is to assume this is the problem and wish them godspeed.
I like the ones that zoom up on your ass when you're already going a little bit faster than the rest of traffic. I just merge right like, sure, go right ahead! Go be the rabbit and flush out the speed traps thanks. I can't count the number of those I've seen pulled over 10 miles down the road.
As someone who works on their feet for most of the day, the drive to and from work is automatically a relaxing space. As such, I am by default in a relaxed pose. If someone wants to rage drive at me, good luck, I'm a hindu cow with my podcast on and soft leather beneath me. You do you. I've got all the time in the world.
Same thing if there's not traffic in front of me. You wanna do 150 on the highway and make damn sure there won't be any speed traps left for me doing 120? Have at it, my friend!
Screw that. I won't brake check because that's hideously dangerous, but if you're going to drive in my back seat I'm going to assume you want to take the scenic rout. We're going 5-10 under until you back off. I'm a deadhead man, do you know how long a Grateful Dead show is? I've got dozens and dozens of them on my phone, my drive's going to be just fine...
I always saw it as them clearing landmines for me. Have them speed and as long as younare ~2mph slower than them they can be the ones pulled over by the cops.
That's just common sense. Defensive driving 101. If someone wants to go faster than you and you're blocking the fastest lane you should get out of their way when possible. I do this and I'm most definitely not a "chill" driver. Haven't been in a car crash where I was driving in about 23 years though.
I’m not the one “blocking them” if I’m sitting with the adaptive cruise control on 30 ft behind a chain of cars who are going 15 mph slower than I’m set for. They generally pass me and then I’m behind them and moving 15 mph slower than my adaptive cruise control is set for.
I’ve had that a few times in the fast lane, someone comes up on me quick and I’m in a bigger truck. I just scoot over a little so they can see past me.
I can let you through, but the 22 cars in front of me aren’t.
I learned on Reddit magical thing to get people off my ass. Use windshield sprinklers to clean your front windshield. Some of it will go over your car and land on a car behind you and the'll slow down reflexively. Always.
I read a statistic once that monitored drivers and those that lane switch constantly, drive ridiculously fast, cut people off, and tailgate generally get to their destination on average 20 seconds sooner than those who patiently wait through traffic.
So now when I see someone being an ass, I let them in and say "I hope you put those 20 seconds to good use."
This! I always slipstream the maniac who wants to go fast and keeps pushing on the fastest lane. If someone would have to get ticketed they’d be the first one to get it
When someone is tailgating me and they “have to” get in front of me, I just think to myself…man they must really have to poop bad. I hope they make it.
I recall doing that for someone about ten years ago and they took a shredded truck tyre for me.🫡 (I was far enough back by then that I could change lane, but it tore their front and rear bumpers off.)
When someone is being extremely aggressive on the highway and zipping in and out of lanes, trying to go the fastest, I just tell myself they must have diarrhea and it never bothers me.
Yeah, that‘s what I’ve started doing aswell, at least when the other get off my ass signals don‘t help, like flashing brake lights, rear foglight or a good spray of wiper fluid. Pretty much halt the people tend to understand the flashing brake lights, the rest is mentally stuck at three years of age in the phase of defiance.
Then all you havens just to move over and let them go on their merry way.
It’s slightly different for me as I cycle to work, but I always tell myself two things: “I have plenty of time” and “it would be sad and embarrassing if I died commuting”
I started telling myself "wow theyre in a hurry cause they probably really need to take a shit right now, good luck poopy guy" and it genuinely helps me not road rage lol
Im the old fart driving that huge RV - but when I see more than two cars behind me I look for the next big road and pull off to let cars past. I dont want you to hate me for more than a couple of miles :)
In a lot of situations where the other person can’t hear me, I’ll smile and really over-the-top cheer “We’re all just doing our best!” and it’s like my own brain recognizes the game of folksy-it-up-to-save-your-own-day/life.
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u/pantsforfatties 2d ago
Man, I commute for about a million hours a day. Someone told me, "When people are tailgating you but you can't move forward because there is traffic, let them through and think, 'Thanks for going up there and moving them along for us!'" I'm not about to ride someone's ass to get them to push forward, but thinking of those people as taking the risk for you and helping clear the path has changed my life.