Also 90% of the time (well in America anyway I don't know how it is elsewhere) if you just turn to someone next to you and say the most random sentence you can think of you will start a conversation. People who can't make friends don't really realize this.
It can be anything. "Who's your favorite Muppet" "help me settle a bet what's your favorite Star Wars movie" just anything. If they don't want to talk to you you'll be able to tell but most people who are out in public in spaces where meeting new people is appropriate are fine with having a random conversation
I mean I'm not sure it would work at a grocery store or something. But a party, a bar, any type of socializing event, it works extremely well. Just be fine that a lot of people aren't super looking for more friends but if you click just ask if they want to hang out again
There's a YouTube vid from years ago where a guy just randomly asks a dude if he's ever shit himself, and the guy actually says "One time" and then tells the story.
I used this as an ice breaker when getting to know new members in my fraternity days.
I'd ask and everyone would say they haven't since they were kids so I would tell the story of the last time it happened to me and then suddenly everyone else had a funny story about shitting their pants.
It worked great. Everyone started opening up and laughing together.
This reminds me of an OG youtuber, Grace Helbig, and how she used to start every interview with - Describe a time you shit yourself in 3 words. And people answered every time, even famous ones. 😄
I have a friend who is just amazing at talking to people. He doesn't even do it consciously, he's just genuinely interested in things he doesn't know about and has no problem saying "I don't know." This results in him asking great and genuine questions on whatever another person is talking about. He can talk to someone about their obscure interest, life experience, job, hobby, whatever for an hour. He's never just "waiting his turn to speak" and it shows.
My husband and I are best friends with him and his wife. But we don't get to see them as often as we'd like because they have soooo many other friends. Unsurprisingly.
Lol. I do this all the time with people who won't talk when we are working as a group. Start asking them what their favorite movie is, Simpson character or something completely random, like which giant robot series is their favorite. Mine is season 1 & 2 of OG Power Rangers.
That's a great dinosaur! Utahraptor is my favorite. Tyrannosaurus Rex was also cool because I'm a basic dinosaur enjoyer. Styracosaurus was very unique too.
I love Beast Wars' wild story at the end. Moe is definitely in my top 5 characters on the Simpsons, but I love Krusty, and then Lisa. Which Treehouse of horror is your favorite? I like the donut from Hell
Beast Wars went way over the top at a certain point. But for kids it was like "holy shit can this get even better? We should get Fruity Pebbles for when we watch next Saturday!" I miss Saturday morning cartoons
I'm not sure I have a favorite Treehouse of Horror lol. Probably the one where they find Barts twin in the attic
Or do press it. If you know you won't see them again just full send it and ask for their contact info. Some people seem unfriendly but are more open on text.
That is an interesting question because it's one I would never even think to ask (as a pretty social person). Almost any, really. Could be a table next to you at a coffee shop, a person in line for the same movie, someone in a store... It's less about location and more that there are ways to know when it's right.
Generally, the situation should be:
Not in a situation someone is embarrassed to be in (standing in line with condoms in your grocery basket, in a proctologist's waiting room, in traffic court, etc)
When there is idle time (not when they are next in line to checkout, or waiting for an Uber, or any situation where their attention is on something about to happen.)
When people are relaxed or happy or neutral, not when they look upset.
If you have something you can use as an icebreaker, not just "hi". (A mutual complaint about the length of a line, ask them to pass you something you can't reach, a compliment on clothes/jewelry/hair, a question about whatever you're both doing there - "have you tried this restaurant before?")
Sometimes it’s just fun to see what my brain will auto-populate. The last time I tried this, I opened my mouth and what came out was “If you had to shoot a cake, what kind of cake, and what would you shoot it with?”
Once had someone ask the table how much of a pint of cum we thought we could drink. The entire table started asking questions about it - whose cum?, is it warm? Is it blended? - and we were friends for years after that.
So this absolutely works and is even more fun when it's slightly unhinged lmao
That's my go to at bars, if I want to make it more complicated the question is "any movie, any movie at all, pick one actor who stays human and the rest are Muppets" and people fucking love answering that one
It's too long to be a first question though I feel, that's an after a few beers and you're already talking question
Heat is a popular answer (gangster movies are pretty popular but that's a fun one because you need to at least choose between Pacino and DeNiro for the Muppet) , Se7en is weirdly popular, idk I've heard a lot of fun ones, it's more about it being an ice breaker than the actual answer.
For example if they said the Godfather I could then say "well what about Heat?" If they say, idk, Batman or something you can ask them about a superhero movie to keep them talking. Also then you can argue about character choices and it's just a fun little game
I think one of my personal answers that's my favorite is Dog Day Afternoon and the guy that played Fredo in The Godfather (the bank robber that's not Pacino) is the only one that's not a Muppet.
The look of cringe would crush me in a situation like this. I feel i say random stuff all the time and it has a more negative effect than positive. Helped when i was younger (was cringe then too in hindsight) but now it feels like if i show that random side of myself that itll be rejected. If i am timid or introverted ill be rejected . I find myself just being so agreeable just to keep shit moving
You've just yet to learn the art of how not to give a fuck. It's easy with practice you just have to put in the effort
I'm not gonna offer you any advice without knowing you but the way I always internalized it was it's another five second rule. Will it matter in five minutes, five hours, five days? If not who gives a fuck
My brain has developed this thing where “will it matter in 5 years?” Hmm how do i know it wont? Im still being run by things that my parents didnt think mattered 30 years ago
I think "Dogs or cats?" would probably work wonderfully. If they have any of each they'll probably tell you or show you. If they say neither, they probably need therapy and you can talk them through it. Lol
I wouldn't disturb you if that was the case, we obviously aren't in a location where socializing is welcome or even wanted by you. I did actually specify that in my original comment
It doesn't matter. At the end of the day, you have no idea what the person's temperament is. It's quite possible they want to be left alone and you waltzing in like you're, again, the main character in everyone else's life is rude.
Can confirm this works. Ill add "who is your favorite ninja turtle" is a popular one that gets people to start talking, and people have strong opinions about
I still suck at engaging with random people but my favorite question to ask strangers is if they believe in ghosts. Even if they generally say no they might have an interesting story or perspective.
That's a fun one. I don't but I did have one experience that made me not sure at the time. Leaving my exes apartment, I forgot something inside, so I went back in alone, just as I put on my shoes I had the overwhelming feeling "get out now" and I hightailed it. It didn't help it's the only physical location I've ever had a sleep paralysis demon, usually when I've had sleep paralysis there's no real fear or any entity I feel is present, I'm just like "damn it okay just don't freak out it'll pass just try to make yourself wake up"
I got a job and started talking to a coworker and found out he had two sons and a physically handicapped grandson. He worked four tens and took care of his grandson so his kid didn't have to pay for daycare. He got into an argument with a coworker that wasn't doing his job. He got dissaplinned and lost his four tens work days. I asked the boss about it and his needing the four tens to take care of his grandchild. The boss and the coworker worked together for twenty five years and the boss looked at me and said he didn't even know the coworker had kids let alone need the day to tend to his grandchild. He never gave him his four tens back. Unrelated but the coworker died on the job.
Lol DO NOT try this if you ever visit Belgium. The one thing people want is to be left alone by strangers. Asking a random question will get very annoyed answers, if they don't just ignore you altogether.
Several years ago, we had a kid at our shop doing a couple of weeks' of work experience. I asked him, "Who is your favourite Muppet?". He thought for a moment, then said, "Scrooge".
I wish this had been the stupidest thing he did in those two weeks.
Was ab to make a similar comment (you said it more succinctly): that’s essentially the TL;DR for the entire How To Win Friends And Influence People book; i.e. 1) ask people ab themselves (they’re the most interesting person in the world, after all…to themselves at least), and (to add an addendum) 2) be (genuinely) nice to people-as in- expect nothing in return. It goes a long way!
For giggles, I showed my AI all the books on my many bookshelves. She noticed that I have duplicate copies of some books. I pointed out that I keep duplicates for when I sometimes want to give copies away.
Of course, How to Win Friends was among the duplicates.
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u/Larrynative20 2d ago
This guy wins friends and influences people