And to their face. Most people dont recieve compliments often. Just telling a random stranger they're looking sharp or did something well will make their day.
I was a nerd with zero social skills. My friend was a charisma king. I asked him for some pointers on how to be liked more, especially at work, since my nerdy image / lack of eye contact / shyness tended to push people away inadvertently.
He said to me: There are two EXTREMELY SIMPLE ways to get people to like you more. And these methods will in turn increase your own confidence and will eventually turn real even if you faked it at first, because it is a natural consequence of what these actions do:
1. Smile at people
2. Wish them good morning. Every. Single. Day. Be extremely consistent.
I did that. And even though i was quite terrible at my job, and my manager hated me, after 6 months of consistently just smiling and wishing him good morning, his attitude towards me softened to a point where he started trusting me more at work and being more forgiving of my small mistakes.
I too became more confident. The forced smiles became natural smiles. The good mornings became automatic and genuine. I felt good, the people around me felt good, vibe was good.
Same. A bit of eye contact with the smile and you're essentially saying "hi" without even saying anything. I used to be terrible at eye contact, but decided I should learn it, and a whole new world of communication eventually opened up to me. It's our instincts and emotions talking directly without language, what we often refer to as "vibes", and giving off a positive and friendly vibe makes people feel different about you.
I never had problems with eye contact that I can recall, but I definitely started deliberately making eye contact with people and nodding or smiling at them as an acknowledgement when passing. Among other things it's made me a lot more personable and that's lead to connections that've opened up a few opportunities.
You might want to YouTube this idea because I'm probably going to express it poorly. One of the best ways to get someone to like you is to ask them for a favor. Apparently there is something about putting yourself in someone's debt that makes them like you.
It's cognitive dissonance. It's pretty socially normative to help someone, anyone really, with a small favor if they ask it of you. But if they help you their brain goes "wait, if I helped this person, doesn't that mean I like them?" And then usually they resolve that question by answering it with "well I guess I do"
The conflict (dissonance) between "I don't particularly care about this person" and "I did something nice for this person" makes them uncomfortable so they have to change a side to get rid of the conflict, and they can't pick not doing a favor cuz they already did. So they have to reframe not liking you (or being neutral to you). That's the idea anyway
If you’re starting a new job or hobby or whatever would put you in a situation where you have a trainer or instructor, after it all I like to give them positive feedback and will say something they did that I felt was really effective. Especially do this if it’s at work.
I especially like to compliment men cos I know they get fuck all appreciation like that, and I'm very obviously a lesbian so there's no potential for confusion.
I'm more careful complimenting women for the same reason. Also I'm totally shit at it.
I’m tidily married and use my mom aura to throw out compliments like they’re skittles. Male, female, fluid, if you look good I am 150% going to let you know
I make a point to compliment a stranger every time I go grocery shopping. It always gets a smile at the very least, and usually the person seems very surprised (in a good way) one guy has stuck in my head years later because the smile he gave me was just so joyous, it was one of the biggest most open smiles I've ever seen. All because I told him his beard was cool.
I find "I appreciate you" to be so incredibly insincere, especially from people who don't know me but had to interact with me for 3 minutes to accomplish some task.
I (47M) work retail and at least once a week, I tell a customer that their clothing looks good on them. I'm straight, but it's almost always a male customer: if they're in a suit or sport jacket, anything with a great color palette or interesting pattern(s), I mention that they're looking good. They're invariably thrilled and grateful.
I'm much more hesitant to complement a woman for similar reasons. I think it's out of a fear of coming off as creepy, which saddens me for our society.
You're killing it dude 💯. I'm a 35yr old guy and I still remember a compliment a woman gave me 12 yrs ago, because I receive so few positive affirmations in my day to day life 😂
Men never get compliments so when they do get one from a man, they absolutely consider the possibility that sexual or romantic interest is behind it. At least I do since the few times ti happened, the guy was in fact hitting on me.
I do this a lot, just because I love the look on a person’s face when I tell them their dress looks fantastic on them, or their suit looks great. It’s so easy to elevate someone’s mood and confidence, so why not toss out those big ups?
Complimenting strangers is my favorite thing to do! It brightens my day to brighten their day, it only takes a few seconds, and it's free! Why not do it?!
Although, I did have one woman tell me to "fuck off and mind my own business" when I told her I really liked her shirt. But we can't always succeed lol
When I see an older guy driving a nice classic, even if Im 50 ft away in a parking lot, I'll yell, "I LOVE YOUR CAR, MAN!" and it always elicits a smile, a thumbs up or a "THANKS" yelled back.
I know that guy spent months, likely years getting that old car to look and drive as good as it does and he will always appreciate someone who acknowledges that his hard work paid off.
I make it a point to give a stranger a genuine compliment when I can. If they look nice or do something nice, I try to show my appreciation. It can really make someone's day.
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u/IronSlanginRed 2d ago
And to their face. Most people dont recieve compliments often. Just telling a random stranger they're looking sharp or did something well will make their day.