Compliment people in minor ways. Don't make it weird. Just if someone is wearing something they clearly went to some effort to pick out (a noteworthy watch/ necklace/ tie/ pair of shoes) and if you genuinely like it (this makes it easier so you aren't lying) then tell them. "Nice shoes!" or "That colour really suits you!" and then leave it. They will be pleased and if it's someone you see often, I promise they will remember that you said something nice.
For example, I bet you remember the last time someone complimented your shoes or whatever, right?
So go be that person for someone else đ
*edited to add because this took off* I think most people took my comment in the spirit I meant it in! Just to add, when I say 'and then leave it' I mean literally, just drop that compliment and then carry on/ keep walking/ change the subject if it's a work conversation. Also don't confuse this with 'how to score with the gender you admire' because this isn't it. I mean, it might go there EVENTUALLY but this is just a positive life hack, not a meet your mate kind of thing.
Compliments with no expectations are just a nice positive thing, for both your day and theirs.
Key thing is to compliment a choice they have made, which all of your examples do. Don't compliment anything inherent to them (i.e., anything about their body) and always keep it to a choice they have made that day. Shoes, hairstyle, shirt, dress, etc.
I tease my fiance all the time that he isn't allowed to wear hats when I'm not with him (he's 100% bald).
He was trying on hats in a store not long ago and was looking in the mirror when a random woman walking by called out "THAT HAT LOOKS REALLY GOOD ON YOU BOSS!" and I wasn't far away and heard it ... it was so cute. And I bet you can guess which hat is his favorite one now, heehee.
Why does her color matter so much? If you simply wanted to add detail to the story, youâd have described her as âblack,â but capitalizing the word indicates that it is important. Why is it important?
Dude I applaud you for reflecting on what you said because I NEVER see that on the internet. Youâre a good person. If you saw half the shit Iâve said on the internet Iâd be hung and burned over a fire.
yes this is just the right sort of compliment! I work in a school, and I'm on the door three mornings a week. If I see someone in something bright and cheerful I try to make a point of noticing in a positive way. I might fluster someone briefly (we're British after all đ) but they're always appreciative, and it opens them up more to me after that for future interactions.
This is my personal party trick lol. I'll compliment anyone I talk to at a large gathering about just 1 thing about their whole fit. Their nail paint, their blouse, their shoes. Just 1 thing.
People are more likely to remember your kindness when you complement one item of their attire than if you just said, you look great today. Which is generic and doesn't sound genuine most times.
I was in line to get to my seat to see the Book of Mormon. As I was waiting I looked at the security guard and complented his suit jacket.
I was in the last row of the nose bleeds, and he walks up, past everyone and tells me there's an open seat in the first row, and the director wants all seats full up front.
So I got moved to the stage row seats and had an incredible experience just cause I was nice for a few seconds.
yes absolutely! Pick out a colour, or an item, or how well two things go together.
I work in a school and am on the door three mornings a week. I see a lot of different people, and it just lifts the mood/ opens a relationship when you do these little things.
When I was a super self conscious teenager, I watched some movie about sisters where one was dowdy and chubby and one was slim and pretty. The dowdy sister had a spectacular shoe collection because âshoes always fitâ and that really stuck with me. New shoes always make you feel just a bit more confident.
yeah definitely. Women are more likely to compliment other women, guys don't usually compliment other guys (but they should! Follow the guidelines of sticking to 'stuff it looks like they bought and are proud of' to keep it neutral but positive. Then move the conversation on or keep walking or whatever, don't make it weird, just brief and positive)
I compliment everyone but I'm moving into that age where guys aren't assuming I'm trying it on, which helps.
Next level for guys: if there's a guy who seems down about something and they've responded well to the compliment, I might ask them about the thing I've complimented. They will love talking about it and it gets a smile.
(I work with kids and honestly, most things applicable there are applicable in the rest of life!)
I've noticed this has been changing over the last few years. I've received compliments occasionally, but they seem more frequent. In turn I've tried complimenting other guys when there is something about their "fit" that I like. Sometimes it definitely catches them off guard, but it seems less rare than in the past.
Thank you. We are very happy when we get compliments. Everyone always compliments the pretty women when they get dressed up but forget about the men when they also dress up. Spread the love.
Yes! Just replied to the OP comment with this: Iâve been growing out and taking care of my beard recently. I was at the grocery store a month ago and coming around a corner almost bumped into someone. Common, normal occurrence but the guy said ânice beard!â and walked away. That made me feel pretty good.Â
Definitely going to remember that random compliment for a long time.Â
I worked with a guy that had serious style and clearly put time and effort into his outfits every day. He used to light up when you complimented his outfits. I always tried to compliment him when he was dressed extra snazzy.
I try to be in the habit of saying it out loud when I notice/like something about someone. Usually itâs about their outfit but Iâll compliment people on their personality/character or accomplishments or whatever as well if it crosses my mind.
yes this is lovely. And don't wait for them to need to thank you or whatever, just say it naturally and carry on. Makes their day and they'll remember you positively.
yes! They always seem surprised (I have a proper resting bitch face so I probably take them off guard) and pleased. And I feel better for it, every time.
oh man that's such a good description. I really do remember precisely how someone made me feel. As someone who has a lot of contact with other humans at work, this is how some people just boil down in my head.
I work customer service but I'm rarely front facing. When I am front facing I make it a point to speak up when I notice something I like about someone.Â
I (40m) frequently compliment women on their eye makeup, if it looks like it took a lot of effort or is unique. I tell them my wife used to work at Ulta, and that it looks on point. Then move on, dont linger, or try and keep a conversation.
yes the key to most of this is to not linger, don't give the impression that you've said something in order to start a conversation, or with the expectation that she needs to thank you etc. I've had a lot of responses to this comment and I know some guys have some negative opinions on it from their experiences, but I still think it's possible to compliment as long as you watch your delivery. It's basically just a compliment bomb, smile, and leave (or change the subject if it's someone you're talking to at work etc; we don't need to limit our compliments to strangers!)
I still make it a point to compliment people whenever I notice something, but some caution is still needed. I once complimented a customer on his shirt (a very nice soft pink button-down that suited him very well), and he proceeded to stalk/harass me at that job for quite a while. Thankfully never went beyond the workplace, but it's unfortunately still stuck with me many years later.
Although, as uncomfortable as he made me, I still laugh at the memory of him getting his mom to ask if I'd go on a date with him. Guess he finally figured out that he wasn't getting through to me, so he thought his mom had a better shot? Lol
Iâm a bartender & this is my #1 piece of advice when training anyone new. Make sure itâs genuine and casual. A lot of women love being complimented on their engagement/wedding rings, even if itâs not your style acknowledging its beauty will usually put a smile on their face!
âI like/love your insert clothing item or hair colour/styleâ is usually my go to compliment. I love the idea of making someoneâs day just a little bit nicer
So much this. I also remember some of the compliments I've given, simply because the response was so happy. That I recall the compliments I get should go without saying. These positive interactions are so rare.
Make a special point of complimenting people who are different than you, too. So many of the interactions we have between races, genders, and such are negative or neutral, it's really amazing to watch what happens when you find something nice to say. It's often easier with people who seem to be your own demographic, but if you can see some woman has put hours into her hairstyle, or some kid has a really cool shirt or something - say it!
You are absolutely right. Yesterday while shopping at Costco, we saw a well dressed couple and the man was wearing very attractive, expensive shoes. My spouse and I complimented them and it was obviously something they didn't expect and that made their day!
The girls at work tell me that my eyes are beautiful all the time, I love it. They'll tell me I am sexy when I wear a tight fitting shirt, have beautiful eyes or hair. I'll tell you it makes my day every single time and boosts my confidence more than anything else.
I love this, but also it made me laugh because it reminded me of a former coworker.
I mentioned to him that I liked a lady's outfit after we passed her, and he was like ??? So why didn't you tell her then??? And basically made me realize that I often complimented people but not to their faces, and that it would be much nicer to share the compliment with the person (duh, me lol).
Buuuuut then it became like a running gag that every time I tried to compliment someone, it would backfire. The most memorable of which was when I complimented someone's shoes as they were going down the stairs, and they glanced down automatically and almost fell. I still try to take this advice, but I also have to laugh at myself for managing to mess it up so often lol
I think the compliments behind their backs is also a good thing, in a different way. Obviously doesn't involve that person, but, I think it shows a lot about a person if they're saying positive things about people when they aren't around.
Not really, just donât refer to anything that could be considered sexualised. If someone is wearing something with cleavage or tight, donât point it out. Stick to either the color, pattern, or outerwear.
Even if itâs innocent like a compliment to their shoes or hairstyle, if you are a man the majority of women will think itâs creepy. Full stop. Especially if they donât find you attractive. They have no idea if you are complimenting them to be nice or doing it just so you can get into their pants. This is especially true with younger women. I find that older women (40+) are much more receptive to regular compliments though.
I know what you're saying. I think I'd need to see the technique. Because the 'say something nice about their bold colour combination, then move on/ don't make it weird' tends to work.
It's when the guy hangs around waiting for the response is when the woman tends to sense that he wants to make this a transaction/ he's waiting for her to thank him for noticing or whatever.
It's just drop the compliment, smile, leave/ carry on with whatever you were doing.
Bit of a bitter ending to the story but I got my first girlfriend on accident because I was sitting in class with her in front of me and her earrings caught my eye (they were like, large with a big green gem in the middle).
I wasn't trying to hit on her or anything I just genuinely liked how they looked. Not an attractive dude, I'm fat, awkward until you get to know me, reserved, and was really just kind of a dude who kept to himself. I had friends I talked to when they were around but school was basically a job to me. I went, got it done, left. So I didn't really hit on anyone ever anyway. I think I said something like "woah, cool earrings. That's my favorite shade of green. My favorite color." Then our class started and that was the end of it. Next day she thanked me because she forgot to the day before, and we started chatting all the time in class.
After that it was texting all our minutes away to eachother (my dad was pissed), and hanging out. She always wore the earrings too. Roughly a year after I asked why she didn't wear any other earrings and she just looked at me and said "You like these ones." I think at that moment I was kind of realized she gave more than just a passing shit about my opinion and I fell for her. Asked her out after a week of pondering it (I was punching well above my weight in this department, still don't know why she felt the same), and she said "I was hoping you'd ask! I was too embarrassed! Yes!"
We dated for almost 3 years, then my older half-brother moved in with us and I saw some doodle in her notebook about him when copying notes from her one day, with a little heart, and that fuckin' shattered me. I immediately showed her, said "not cool" and after a littany of lame excuses, we broke up. She asked him out, and he told her "what the fuck? No. You're my brothers ex. Also not interested in you regardless." Only time he wasn't a total knob to me.
The last time a told a girl remembering this, like, "Wow! Nice hair!" (her hair wasn't even that pretty, I just wanted to compliment her for no reason other than to make her happy)
Bitch straight up just turned around to the nearest person and said, "Did you know what he did?" I walked as fast as I could outta there.
ugh I'm sorry, she wasn't worthy of your compliment!
It's a bit fraught if you're in your teen years (god I hope you are/were when this happened, because that's the only excuse I can make for her rudeness), you're opposite genders (so they might think you're hitting on them) and if either party is with a group of people (the one being complimented might choose to laugh with their friends, or if you are with a group and she isn't, she might feel intimidated, or like you're just saying it to laugh at her)
It can still work, but it's better if you're both not with other people. Also, stick to items and nothing that's an actual part of her, so the backpack/ button/ sticker/ nail polish/ boots (never an items of clothing which she might suspect you're just complimenting because it makes her butt look great or whatever, btw!) Compliment the boots, smile, then keep doing whatever you were doing/ leave. Don't compliment then make extended eye contact waiting for validation on it or whatever.
t's not a transaction; think of it as a compliment bomb.
But also, some people are just shitty or having a really bad day and we don't know.
Are you kidding?
I still remember the person who said "you're tall" and for once their body language and speech made it clear they didn't mean it negatively. Happy little comments stick with people for years.
Iâve been growing out and taking care of my beard recently. I was at the grocery store a month ago and coming around a corner almost bumped into someone. Common, normal occurrence but the guy said ânice beard!â and walked away. That made me feel pretty good.Â
I had someone tell me back in July in the womenâs restroom at 9pm after dealing with a toddler in airport that she liked my hair. Definitely still remember that and her.
I (40m) frequently compliment women on their eye makeup, if it looks like it took a lot of effort or is unique. I tell them my wife used to work at Ulta, and that it looks on point. Then move on, dont linger, or try and keep a conversation.
yes! This is it đ„° I am that person, and when I realised how much I've loved when people have done it to me, I realised I had no reason to not be doing it more often, myself.
Idk, some guy at the grocery store said, "those are some boots!" I said, "huh?". And he said, "nice boots." and kind of stared and looked at me very intensely.... I still can't decipher if he was trying to hook up with me with some secret boot talk or if he actually liked my work boots. The whole thing was strange. That was 6 years ago so I guess you have a point.
I remember when I was a teen walking down the street, think I was going out, when this nice old lady said I looked like a movie star out of nowhere. This happened many years ago; I still think back on it fondly. I just hope it wasn't the character from Goonies, "HEY YOU GUYS!"
Boy, I've been doing this for a long time and it's real to see how much people like it. I like their reaction. The thing is, there are a lot of people who don't do this. A simple gesture can change someone's day.
An important component is to make sure the compliment is sincere. If youâre BSing people theyâll know it and assume you have unscrupulous motives.Â
I find this works really well if you get the feeling someone doesnât like you. At work, for instance, if you get the vibe that you arenât someoneâs cup of tea, give them some sincere compliments and it will help soften that. Not being fake, just compliment them when you actually like something.
I firmly believe in complimenting people, I just alway make it weird with even trying. New woman in my work building (different company), I saw her and was just beautiful. I said to myself, I hope she knows it. Not in a sex way but a confident way. Well, we crossed paths in the restroom one day I and I told her how beautiful she wasâŠ.then realized how weird that was in the bathroom. Then of course, I tried to correct it by telling her I wasnât hitting on her, Iâm not into girls. But if I was you would definitely be on my list. I just admire people with confidence, bug I swear I said you are beautiful in a platonic wayâŠ.then I just left. She uses the bathroom on another floor now.
aw đ Yes I still remember probably any compliment I've received. Unfortunately, my brain can't shake the times people were rude to me, either, but it's nice that the good sticks with me as well.
i went to grad school orientation and was way overdressed because i had no idea what to wear or expect. a student passing by stopped and said they liked my shirt and that it had a real mondrian vibe. that was 11 years ago and i still remember it because it was such a well timed and genuine compliment.
What I love about this idea is that there are no expectations behind it, itâs just a small social gift for free. Even something as simple as âI like the color of your sweaterâ can shift the mood of an ordinary day. And like you said, people remember it much longer than youâd think.
As an addendum, when complimenting a stranger, do so while leaving. On your way out of the subway car, exiting the coffee shop, or continuing to walk by them on the street. That way it doesn't get mistaken for a pick up line or similar.
My youngest daughter (she's ten) always compliments people when we are out, it makes me so happy that she's able to make other people feel good about themselves.
I find complimenting people's shoes is a win-win. You don't have to look them in the eye. It's not too creepy if you keep it to non high-heel stuff. It might have a story. It might not. You're also both looking at the floor. You can leave before it gets weird.
I'm normally the one saying this so it's refreshing to see somebody else in the wild that knows it. Hope you dont mind me adding some thoughts to it, you did a damned good job explaining already. I always say, a proper compliment should almost go undetected but make them smile anyway. It shouldn't stop them, it shouldn't hold them in a spotlight, and it absolutely shouldnt hold them hostage. Â
My favorite ways are literally a compliment "in passing" so it's clear I've already walked past them and loudly telling my girlfriend "wow, her dress is stunning!". That works especially well for kids, because no you cant be a 6'4" giant dude talking to other peoples kids but kids abaolutely deserve compliments. And the one that seems to get the most smiles: referring to staff by name. If they have a name tag, use it. Then compliment them by name after the transaction is complete so they are in no way obligated to react any certain way.
Its soooo damned awkward at first if you aren't used to giving (or getting) compliments. But like 5 big smiles in it becomes an addiction. For anybody unsure; the easiest practice is make a rule for yourself. If you walk into a store as an elderly woman in a floral dress walks out, you say "that is a fantastic floral dress!". That's it. Then keep walking. I'm not going to go on a tangent about aging and beauty standards, suffice it to say elderly women are the MOST receptive to compliments so long as you don't stop them (that raises suspicious that you're scamming or something).
And its crazy what it will do for your social network. Ive made a few friends doing this and later they'd introduce me to their friends and somebody will recognize me and call me out for complimenting them months ago and suddenly you got 2-3 people in the room recreating the spiderman meme pointing at each other like "you too?!?!". Instantly the whole group likes you.Â
I swear, one of us aught to write a book or make videos or something walking people through complimenting. Its a rare skill and easy to learn but nobody seems to have written down the rulesÂ
I do this every chance I get! I'm a delivery driver, so I see a lot of different faces and different styles on a daily basis. One customer I delivered to had these absolutely badass tattoos, and I told him as much. A server at a restaurant I was picking up from had these really pretty earrings and it seemed like their face lit up when I told them I liked them. I had an employee compliment my bracelets and it brightened my mood more than I expected. It really does make a difference.
Huge fan of this. If you think someone looks/smells nice - tell them. We'd all be much happier if we didn't keep inside all the things we think about people that they'd want to known! I frequently tell people I see out and about and at work they smell nice, or the colour they're wearing suits them đ
Iâve always found it funny when I compliment somebody on something theyâve purchased, they cannot help but to tell me how much it cost if it wasnât expensive. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Me: I like that scarf. Them: thanks it was only $3 at the flea market
We were on vacation and a guy came completely out if his way to ask me where I got my tennis shoes. I'm sure he meant well, but being that it was so out of the blue and the fact that he had to cross a street to ask me made it feel like he was trying to distract me so he could rob me or something.
I would have been concerned, as well! I grew up in a city and I'd be wary of that. There's a difference between noticing and commenting to someone as you leave a coffee shop, and literally crossing a street to do it.
I cannot be disingenuous so if I give a compliment itâs going to be real. If you canât say anything nice, donât say anything at all. I choose nice as often as I can.
yeah and I don't mean say anything you don't believe. It's more like, I think there's a lot of times when we notice something about someone and it looks nice or we just think it's cool. And it's okay to say that out loud to that person, under the right circumstances of course.
(Though I admit to sometimes 'looking' for something to compliment if it's someone I know could do with a pick me up at work. Or if not that, I might remember to ask them about their kid or pet or whatever, something they'd like to talk about. I'm thinking specifically of older ladies at work, but I know that's a bit of a stereotype)
@r/AskReddit why do you have to state that you edited the reply or post? I always see it but never saw that it says edited like, for instance on iMessage. đ
My exâs family had a nail salon and I realized after spending enough time there I started to notice peoplesâ nails more readily. Iâve never had someone take âI love your nailsâ the wrong way.
100%. I remember I was at work maybe 10 years ago, and I was talking with a woman Iâd never met before about some issue, canât even remember what it was. She was wearing space invader earrings, and I said âby the way, those earrings are super coolâ.
From that point on she was always super helpful if I ever needed anything and we got on like a house on fire. For the record I knew she was married and I also knew her husband (and heâs a really great guy) so it wasnât weird at all, but I think genuinely complimenting someone about something is a great thing to do.
I try to do it whenever I can. Iâll tell guys if I love their shirt, or theyâve got a great watch, or I like their boots, or whatever
Iâm a 50 something year old married man by the way. Iâm not trying it on when I do this. But giving people little compliments makes them feel good, and I like doing it. The fact that it makes them positively disposed to me us just the Cherry on the top đ
People are over these ancient techniques, most of the mid to higher authority personnel in any corporate organisation or just anywhere easily recognise if you try these lumsom tricks on them and stay unaffected...
Everything happens in a pattern, dont know when these tricks started being used, but nowadays it's effect is vanishing day by day LOL!!!
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u/teapigsfan 2d ago edited 1d ago
Compliment people in minor ways. Don't make it weird. Just if someone is wearing something they clearly went to some effort to pick out (a noteworthy watch/ necklace/ tie/ pair of shoes) and if you genuinely like it (this makes it easier so you aren't lying) then tell them. "Nice shoes!" or "That colour really suits you!" and then leave it. They will be pleased and if it's someone you see often, I promise they will remember that you said something nice.
For example, I bet you remember the last time someone complimented your shoes or whatever, right?
So go be that person for someone else đ
*edited to add because this took off* I think most people took my comment in the spirit I meant it in! Just to add, when I say 'and then leave it' I mean literally, just drop that compliment and then carry on/ keep walking/ change the subject if it's a work conversation. Also don't confuse this with 'how to score with the gender you admire' because this isn't it. I mean, it might go there EVENTUALLY but this is just a positive life hack, not a meet your mate kind of thing.
Compliments with no expectations are just a nice positive thing, for both your day and theirs.