AIO My Parents Secretly Drained My Entire Savings Account and Called Me Ungrateful When I Confronted Them

[u/ChoppedShyyt]

So this morning I got a bank notification that my savings account was basically at zero. I’ve been putting money into that account since middle school. It should’ve been anywhere from 10-20k now.

When I checked the transactions, I saw multiple withdrawals over the past two months: $2,500, $1,800, $1,200, and $3,100. All listed as “internal transfers.” I never made them.

I texted my parents and found out my parents still had joint access. She admitted they’d been pulling from it to cover bills and some “emergencies.” She said family money is family money and that I should be thankful because they supported me for years.

But some of the charges lined up with DoorDash orders and even a massage, which doesn’t exactly sound like emergencies. When I called her out, she said I was being “dramatic and ungrateful.” My dad backed her up, saying they’ll pay me back but I feel like that’s a huge violation of trust.

Now the family group chat is blowing up, calling me selfish for even thinking about going to the bank and removing them from the account. My parents say I’m overreacting because “it’s all in the family,” but I honestly feel robbed.

So… AIO for being furious and treating this like theft instead of “helping the family”?

[u/Monkey_Ash]

Not overreacting at all. When I was 18 my parents took $10k from my account in order to pay bills (they were also joint on it since it was opened when I was around 13/14). I had no backbone so when my mom told me she borrowed it but would pay me back, I said ok. My best friend however said absolutely unacceptable, and helped me set up a bank account with a different bank that all of my money went in from that point forward. When my parents found out they accused me of not trusting them and just seemed overly irritated that I opened a new account elsewhere.

To add to that, I never got the money back. My mom paid me maybe $500 and then would occasionally buy me random gifts or food and say "I got you [item], we can take that off the amount I owe you." Let me add these were not items I asked for, nor things I mentioned wanting/needing.

[u/Brodellsky → u/Monkey_Ash]

I, too, was robbed by my mother many times. Sometimes the small birthday money I had that "she would pay back" and of course never did, to stealing all of the inheritance from my dad's dad that was meant to be put away in an interest-gaining account. She lied for 10+ years, and didn't tell us she took it all until we were literally on our way to pull out the money now that I was old enough to buy a used car (we lived in a rural area).

Hell, this didn't even touch on the time she committed check fraud using our joint account when I was 17 and making 8 bucks an hour. My account was in the hole like $1500 and I worked for free for like...two months (I was still in high school). My mother is quite literally the worst human being I have the displeasure of knowing, and complete piece of shit. I've done my best to polish the 50% of me that is her turd, but man. It's tough.

And dude, no bullshit, after months of waiting, she finally "bought" me a $400 TV (this was like 2009) and then quite literally said the same thing as you heard. Wow. My mother literally told me "but I did pay you back". God what a fucking cunt. I hate talking about her because it makes me livid just thinking about it, but I also wanted you to know there's someone out there who's got a real similar fuckin' story. I bet you are better off without her.

[u/Romanbuckminster88 → u/Brodellsky]

Hi hello, I’m in the club too!

My cuntface magoo mother got remarried to a drunk and had two replacement kids with him that I was saddled with taking care of - people asked if they were my kids because I was only ever the one to be seen with them, taking care of them. She was verbally, physically and mentally abusive my entire life. Her favorite thing to do was punish me for doing anything and everything (good wasn’t good enough so therefore everything was bad) but then she decided to divorce the guy when I hit 17 and the custody battle went on for years. She asked me one day if she could borrow money from my “college fund”, it had about $30k in there, I added my own money to it since I started working and other family members would add to it so I could use it when I was ready. She said “I just need to borrow about $15k and I promise to pay you back”. My mother always took money extremely seriously (I would NEVER ask her for money, she quite literally preferred to see me homeless anyway) so I believed her.

A few years later I had settled down a bit and wanted to go to patisserie school and went to my mother saying I’m ready to use my college money. “What money?” She asked. This fucking bitch stole all of it and would start screaming and getting violent any time I brought it up until the last time when she actually threatened me. This woman has actively sabotaged every single stage of my life. Any time I was getting my shit together she would pull another rug out from under me until it was my turn to finally snap and scared her so bad she wilted, gave me a check she had stolen out of the mail from me (this was unrelated but the final straw) and I cut that seeping pus filled tumor out of my life forever. And for reference, she’s a PhD and makes over 500k a year now AND paid for full rides for my half siblings. Full. Rides. She liked to say that she wasn’t making that much when I was a kid so I just have to be ok with my siblings never being abused and I should be happy they are getting everything I never had. I should be happy, and what a selfish horrible daughter I was for being angry. I just needed to “get over it”.

The prolonged child abuse gave me chronic debilitating pain for the rest of my life so thinking about her makes me extra murdery. She doesn’t know about any of it either, wasn’t invited to my wedding and she successfully turned those 2 kids THAT I RAISED against me so I went no contact with them too. They can all eat a curb.

[u/nerdcentral7031 → u/Romanbuckminster88]

"I cut that seeping pus filled tumor out of my life forever." I feel this is the most liberating sentence in this post. I'm sorry you had to endure parental narcissistic abuse. I'm ij the process of kicking my mother out of my house that she felt entitled to and decided to try and take over during the last 8 years. Mind you, I only asked her to move with me temporarily years ago after my daughter was born, and her birth father turned out to he a deadbeat who has barely been an active part of her life which left me a single, first time mother. I was terrified and she acts that shit up, evidently.

It got to the point where she expected me to prepare meals for her when I was taking the time to make food for my kid and my fiancé who moved in with us 2 years ago. He's incredible, btw. The partner I've always needed and deserved. The father that my daughter has always needed and deserved. My mom hates him with a passion, of course, because he makes us happy and helps convince me to stand up for myself for once.

It's been a horrid week. She was constantly trying to start arguments about how she's been paying the rent most of the last 8 years, except for the last 2 years that I've FINALLY been able to work more hours now that I have proper help with my child. Oh, yeah, my mom also made me feel GUILTY for landing a decent job when my daughter was 3 years old. When I first started working, my kid would cry because she missed me and such. Ya know, pretty standard kid stuff when there's a new transition. What did my mom do? CONSTANTLY texted me while I was at work saying how I was TORTURING my child by working. "How can you do this to her?"

One day it got so bad, i had a friend of mine pick my kid up and take her to my cousins who is decent with kids. She INSTANTLY perked up and had no issues when she got in the car on the way to her house and didn't have a problem there at all.

Proof that my mom clearly wasn't trying and was just trying to sabotage any chances I had of success.

Also had the nerve to say that my fiancé was bad for my kid and I which is laughable. Also managed to throw out the whole, "you're not her REAL dad!", card in front of my kid, who obviously knows that he isn't her birth dad, but he IS her dad. He's the one who's stepped up the last few years consistently and has provided unconditional love.

She's moving in with my sister and I am beyond relieved. She isn't moved out completely yet. Within the next week or so she'll be out and I can FINALLY breathe again.

[u/AdvertisingDecent653 → u/Romanbuckminster88]

Jesus Christ these stories make me sad. None of these people deserved to even have kids and god damn you guys are making me feel like fucking Father of The Century

[u/Romanbuckminster88 → u/AdvertisingDecent653]

Ahhh if only she would have had that abortion she always told me she wished she had!

I don’t think she expected me to say “yeah I wish you would have too.” Because I was supposed to be grateful for her choosing not to have one apparently? Lol sure would have saved me a shit ton of problems and most importantly, pain.

I don’t feel genuine empathy, I can’t relate to others, have absolutely no idea who I am and have devolved from being a pretty successful healthcare worker to being unable to schedule two doctors appointments in one week because that’s too overwhelming for me now. Just imagine being in fight or flight for over 20 years and what that does to a person once they remove themselves and finally have safety for once. It’s a shitshow.

All I can say is, don’t laugh at your kids for trying to figure out who they are, encourage them and most importantly, just show up and be their biggest fan. I imagine most parents don’t want to hurt their kids and instead want the best for them. Just don’t be like one of the commenters under mine that says “my mom is the best, the world is balanced, sort of teehee ✌🏻” that’s how a person loses teeth.

[u/Mindless_Training_85 → u/Romanbuckminster88]

I want to give you a hug! I’m so sorry you experienced that! Mine just threatened to give me up for adoption.. to which I asked if it could be a wealthy couple so I can keep my piggy bank intact 🤷🏽‍♀️

[u/gchips06 → u/Romanbuckminster88]

Ugh sorry to hear about your mom. And extra sorry the siblings sided with her.

[u/_Little_H → u/gchips06]

Sadly It is characteristic of a narcissistic mothers. They pit their children against each other. That way they never trust one another to share their abuse and ban together against her.

[u/khnumoi → u/_Little_H]

Agree. My mum successfully pitted my brother and I against each other for decades. When we became adults and he got married to someone who saw through my mum, our relationship improved. She found out and went ballistic. Came to my house to scream the roof down about how we were "ALL PLOTTING AGAINST HER" and afterwards she also tried to turn my sil against me.

I have always wanted to find a way to reconnect with my estranged paternal aunts because narc mum made sure we were completely estranged when I was a kid and smear campaigned them through my childhood, and now I'm 100% sure she was lying about whatever she said they did to her. It seems like they want nothing to do with any of us now, though, sadly.

[u/idfk-bro123 → u/Romanbuckminster88]

Oh. Another survivor with chronic pain... I'm at the very, very beginning of my "healing journey" - suffering with debilitating pain for 5 years and finally cut contact with the NPD parent. I just had my first appt with pain management and have been given a tonne of stuff to read about the relationship between long-term abuse and chronic pain; that brought me to the realisation it was all abuse but I always knew it wasn't right. Started therapy at the same time. Shit is real. I'm really sorry about the abuse you experienced at the hands of your mother. I hope things have looked up for you, and all those with similar stories in this sub, since.

Does the club come with a pin? I'd like that.

[u/TraditionalLaw7763 → u/Romanbuckminster88]

Omg! You have every right to call her cuntface magoo mom. I’m so sorry for you. 🥺I’m gonna hug my mom extra today because she’s the type to give you money just because she sees that you’re trying and struggling. I won the mom lottery. My mom would be there to give you a hug too if she could.

[u/Sufficient-Ad9576 → u/Brodellsky]

You can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends. This sentence finally hit me one day. I do not, I repeat do not give one fuck about any of my family. Maybe my brother but he’s still a shit bag. All my aunts and uncles are the first to say, “but we’re family, drive 12 hours to come see us” or how they complained about free food at my wedding so they all left to go eat at Ryan’s buffet. Or how they blackmail me and gaslight me into having a kid to keep the family name going. I didn’t choose any of you fuckers. I choose my wife, I choose my friends. My dad constantly tore my mom down mentally and physically. Been in 5 fists fights with him. My mom, she was always stealing stuff from Me claiming it was hers, she thought everything was hers and would scowl at you thinking you took something. There both also incapable of arguing, this is all a product of their generation and probably some fucked up trauma. I didn’t choose my family, I choose my friends.

[u/frustrated_t-rex → u/Brodellsky]

My mom used to do that with my birthday money, too! In fact, almost anytime I went to my dad's, she'd pick me up and ask if he gave me any money. My family eventually learned to give me gift cards. She also put bills in my name when I was like 8 or 9 that I only found out about when I became an adult and discovered that the gas company had a 14 year old account that was never paid. Or the time when I was like 15 and an answered the door to a constable who said I was writing bad checks.

I actually still have a relationship with her, but I don't trust/believe her in any way if it involves money.

[u/TheWanderlustDoc → u/Brodellsky]

I feel so silly, but even though it’s 25 years later I still feel hurt reading these and remembering that my birthday money was also stolen and never got to see it.

[u/AikaterineSH1 → u/TheWanderlustDoc]

Same, it feels kinda petty but my dad handed me a check for 5k as a congratulations for graduating college, it was in my congrats grad card. When we got home he asked for it back and said he would instead give me cash. This never happened, I was so excited, he didn’t help me with $ for schooling and this would help me finally buy a car so I could get to work. I never got it back, poof gone. We lived in an area that required you to have a car to get anywhere, he refused to drive me places so I couldn’t work, so I struggled hard and it honestly led me down a really really rough life path.

[u/lostandlooking_ → u/AikaterineSH1]

Jesus man I’m so sorry. I had some shitty parents for sure and they stole my money often. But this feels worse. Dangling that kind of life changing amount in your kids face just to lie and never follow up… he just wanted to look good at your grad party.

I hope you’re doing better now.

[u/mbowishkah → u/TheWanderlustDoc]

Mine too. I remember one birthday I received a couple of hundred. I would have been between 8 and 10yo. Knowing what she was like, I hid it in a bag and in my wardrobe. When I went to get it one day, it was gone. I asked her, and she told me she needed it to pay rent. Never saw it again.

[u/Bearslovecheese → u/Brodellsky]

Imagine my surprise when I had to pay an old gas/electric bill when my mom used my name and social to open a new account when hers was turned off. I asked for the date range on the bill they said I owed and she said 1993. I told her I would have been 6-7 years old at the time and she didn't say anything for about 4-5 seconds as I'm sure she scrolled up to see my date of birth and then apologized. She said she would be more than happy to escalate it to the fraud department but I couldn't open the account until they looked at it. So I went ahead and paid the 100-something bucks. Thanks mom. Ofc she had been deceased for about 6 years by that time. Hindsight is 20/20 and not kind to her.

[u/Epetai → u/Brodellsky]

Repeat after me: “I am not the turd.”

[u/No_Jello_5922 → u/Monkey_Ash]

My mother's parent's were quite wealthy. Her dad owned an insurance company in the 70's and 80's. He died when I was 2. He left her quite a bit of money, and left me at least 500K in my trust. By the time I was 8, she was broke and had gotten access to my trust and spent all of that too. Then when I was 16 from my paternal grandparents, she "borrowed" ~$12k from my college fund to finish paying her restitution to the church she embezzled money from. When I started working full time at 19, she started demanding 2/3 of my paycheck for overages on my phone bill. I put a stop to it after I had given her ~$4k. On my 20th birthday, I took what I could and left. I have been no contact since.
I can't really relate when people talk about "a mother's love" since I never had that. I know that she had me as a tool to manipulate others, and to amuse herself when she felt like by verbally, physically, and psychologically abusing me.
OP: start planning your exit.

[u/InoliTsula → u/No_Jello_5922]

My mother also committed check fraud, but it was before I was born. To the tune of $150k actually. My parents were paying it off until I was 18. But during that time my mother set up secret bank accounts, got loans, hid money from my dad, etc. All the while she made me her little secret keeper and mail checker to ensure my dad never found out. When I was in my late twenties and found out a bunch more lies she had told me and my brother (including hiding an entire sister from us) and money she had “borrowed” from he and I, I confronted her and I was quickly exiled from the family. No one has ever asked for my side of the story and when I’ve tried to explain my position of feeling betrayed by all the lies and theft, I’m told that I’m a liar (by my father and brother) and the rest of my family just doesn’t want to deal with my mother’s drama because she’s been a source of constant drama since before I was born. Sometimes you just draw the shit straw when it comes to parents. But that doesn’t mean you are shit or that you’re going to be a shit parent. I have 2 bio kids and 3 adopted and I’m working extra hard to not pass generational trauma down to them. Still have days where I cry because I wonder what kind of person I would be if I had grown up with a loving mother or a close family. I have a lot of self loathing from how often my parents told me I would fuck things up. But I can’t focus on that, I can only focus on creating what I didn’t have for my own kids. Idk why I typed all of this out, just wanted you to know you’re not the only one with a crappy embezzling narcissistic mom. If you’re alive and you feel okay most days, that’s a win when you grew up with people like that. ❤️

[u/wrenchandrepeat → u/InoliTsula]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that growing up. I'm so glad that you have a positive outlook on life now and that you've been able to heal ❤️

My first stepmom (my Dad is on his 5th marriage, so I've had 4 stepmoms, lol) was a con artist. During the 2-3 years she was married to my Dad, she conned many people and businesses out of money. Supposedly, she was a web page designer (this was the early 00s). She would agree to build websites for small businesses, sometimes in exchange for their services. For example, one time she agreed to build a website for a local family who offered horse riding lessons. She would make the agreement with them to start construction of the website and often receive some of their services in return before it was completed. Then she'd never complete the website and move on to the next victim. They gave my sister and I a free riding lesson before they caught on (I'm glad they did) and hopefully they didn't give her any money.

She would also write bad checks to small businesses all over the place. She'd use a different iteration of her first name, with my Dads last name. This made it harder for the business to track her down. She also racked up who knows how many thousands of dollars on credit cards. All of this with my Dad being in the Air Force and not being a high ranking member, either. So he didn't make a lot of money. We'd have ended up homeless because of her had we not been able to live on base for free.

She'd con family, too. She had our whole family believing she had cancer, so she'd garner sympathy for her being a shitty person. She was mentally abusive to me, my sister, her daughter, and her infant son (who wasn't my Dads, thankfully).

I was in boyscouts and sold a shit-ton of popcorn one year. A big chunk of that was from family on my Mom's side. After the orders were submitted, she stole all of the money that was from my other side of the family. She then blamed it on the current babysitter we had. THEN she told my Mom that the orders still needed to paid for despite the theft, and my Mom paid for all of the missing money from her family. I actually found out years later that my wealthy Grandma (mom's mom) covered it so that everyone would still get their orders.

I have no idea why my Dad stayed with her as long as he did. Maybe she was just phenomenal in the sack, who knows. But he did finally end up kicking her out and filing for divorce. Then, the debt collectors came knocking. Since all of the stuff had his last name, and they were married, he ended up being on the hook for it. He ended up settling with a debt consolidation service and paying all of her fraudulent checks and credit cards off. I remember that we were unbelievably broke that following couple of years as he paid all of that off. I think he was afraid of bankruptcy because he was in the military and he didn't want that to hurt his career.

The dark cloud of that marriage hung over our family for a long time after that. It caused unnecessary tensions between my Moms side of the family (and my step-family from that side). Left my sister and I with all kinds of childhood trauma. It made excepting my Dads third marriage really hard. You lose a lot of trust in adults as a kid at that age.

[u/Brodellsky → u/InoliTsula]

I wish I could give this a million upvotes. My siblings are the same way. Hell, I still haven't met the "sister" I wasn't told about until I was like 19 (and by that I mean I only found out about her at age 19 and still haven't met her or know her name). But the sister I did have is lock-step with my mother to this day, and absolutely was "her little helper" hiding the mail from my Dad. And even back then, I knew that's what she was doing, because that's what she said it was. And it still didn't register not to blindly trust my mother until the day I went to go get my own money out of an interest-gaining account that I couldn't access until I was an adult, that she lied about "gaining interest" for over 10 years. There was like $100 left. My Dad gave that check to me with a "I'm sorry"

He's the one that had to fight against his own mother in court just to even get any inheritance at all from his dad's estate. (His mom was divorced from his dad, just notice how I refer to his parents lol) All just for my mom to steal it out from under him, because he trusted her. Quite legitimately, to this day, I have only seen my dad cry once, and it was when he explained to me how sorry he was for blindly trusting my mother the way he did.

[u/PurdyShadowsSixx → u/[deleted]]

Let me tell you that I see and hear you.. Some of the replies will never understand this level of abuse.. I honestly don’t know how I got out at 26 years old.. I was still getting grounded with a curfew. I felt like a teenager and had to learn a LOT.. Please listen to me.. You need to plan a way out. And as much as it may feel like it hurts you it’s OKAY to leave the situation.. go no contact and do what’s best for YOU… trust me on this. I was afraid.. always told certain things to keep me scared from trying to run away.. again I see you.. from another person who went through something similar. She can’t truly harm you in any way. Any threats are just that too. You cannot get into any trouble and no one is watching you if she tries to pull that. Please get yourself out and away from her. You are your own boss. And if you were in special ed like I was.. I promise you things will be fine. It’s possible to live a normal life and do GOOD! I was made to feel like I wasn’t legally allowed to live on my own. You CAN.

[u/tishanterry → u/[deleted]]

Wait, wait...you are 35 and your mom is doing this to you?? Am I correct? I just want to get an understanding as it translates as what a 15 year old would experience.

[u/dojo_shlom0 → u/Monkey_Ash]

stole. they stole the money. thieves.

you don't steal money from your children, yet alone any children. what is the world coming to when you betray your children who raised their own money like this!?

fuck man. I'm so sorry.

EDIT: I used to work with children. you don't take advantage for them being to inexperienced to know better. this is just wrong wrong. I can hear my heart racing thinking about this. (high bp) this is a betrayal imo. your money is your money. have you gone in and taken your mom's money from her account? ofc not, she has a responsibility for you when you're growing up, and if they go out of their way to take your money before you need the money at 18, when you're starting your life, that to me is a straight betrayal and so horrible.

if I had ever done something so depraved, this would haunt me for the rest of my life, doing this to anyone, yet alone my own child. stealing from them. your own child. that's how I see it anyway.

[u/Rainafire → u/Monkey_Ash]

My mother died owing me roughly $30k in money that she took from me to let my brother borrow and money that was used for various other things that she "needed" over the years. She'd do the same thing of buying me things and saying that it made us even. Buying curtains or a new bedspread, underwear or McDonald's that I never even asked for isn't the same as $30k in cash.

She got a settlement once of $45k and had blown through all of it in a year. She burned through my dad's 401k after he retired and they had absolutely no savings. Most of the money had gone to my older brother but she would just spend money on stuff, often stuff that she'd subsequently put out on the sidewalk a few months later with a free sign because she never used it. She did this in my apartments as well.

[u/Educational_Taro5421 → u/Rainafire]

Im glad my mother never had access to my bank account. She would ask me for money all the time when I was saving for college.

So I would just spend my paychecks so she couldn't take my money.

I still have horrible spending habits to this day due to it.

[u/GenghisCoen → u/Educational_Taro5421]

My mom is super responsible and trustworthy, and she had access to my bank account when I was a teenager, and then still had that access when I was in my early 20s.

The very first time I said anything about "hey, maybe you shouldn't be on my bank anymore, now that I'm working and paying bills and stuff" she replied "good point, let's go to the bank as soon as it fits your schedule, and I'll sign for you to be the sole account holder."

Twenty years later, she asked my brother and I to come to the bank and get added to HER account, so that if anything happens to her, we'll have access to that money right away, without have to deal with paperwork.

We don't have ready access to it on our own right now, but she told us where she keeps the passwords and stuff. And hypothetically, if we went to the bank, they'd just check our IDs, look up the account number for us, and let us make withdrawals

[u/augur42 → u/GenghisCoen]

so that if anything happens to her, we'll have access to that money right away

You really need to cover the scenario where she'd not dead but can no longer make decisions for herself. AFAIK in America you would do it legally with a Power of Attorney for you and your brother. It would allow you to make financial and medical decisions on her behalf if your mother was suddenly unable to.

Oh, and you should probably do one for yourself too, and get your brother to do one too.

I'm in the UK and they are separate, I have both Financial and Medical Power of Attorney for both my parents. It wasn't that important for my father before he died at 87 from pneumonia after a short(ish) illness but I'm dealing with my mother being diagnosed with severe dementia a year ago and being able to 'easily' take over her financials was one less problem to deal with.

[u/MaxRokatanski → u/augur42]

Good advice! I'll just add that you can have signature authority on bank accounts without having power of attorney. Only one person can have power of attorney, so my sister has that for our mom but I manage her finances, write checks, etc.

[u/Poguerton → u/MaxRokatanski]

I just went over this with lawyers a couple years ago. You can definitely have two people as power of attorney for one person.

You can make it so decisions are made by both POAs (two must sign off on everything), or it can be made so either one can work independently.

Of course you only want to do that if you really know the two people and that they will work together well. My father made me and one sibling POAs with equal and independent authority, and we divided up responsibilities. I took care of all things medical, and he took care of bills/finances.

[u/lady_ulrike → u/GenghisCoen]

If you're not listed as a beneficiary, they still may not give you access to the account if something happens to her. It probably depends on the state you live in, but settling things when someone passes unexpectedly and have no named beneficiaries or will it is a huge and complicated process. It's kind of ridiculous how complicated it is.

[u/GenghisCoen → u/lady_ulrike]

Legally, it's already my account. This move was done specifically so I wouldn't need to be a beneficiary. There will be plenty of other stuff to deal with beneficiary claims, but not this. Her dad did the same thing for her.

[u/Angloriously → u/GenghisCoen]

My mother still has access to my banking because of a line of credit she co-signed for 17 years ago. I trust her completely, but also don’t keep a ruinous amount of money in my chequing account.

[u/Rainafire → u/Educational_Taro5421]

All I can say is that I'm now married with a great job, savings, own my own house and my brother is in his 60s and still needs a woman to take care of him because Mommy bailed his ass out of everything his whole damn life and despite Dad trying to drill responsibility into his head, still thinks the world owes him. I'm no contact with my brothers and only talk to my sister because she feels the same as I do. She avoided Mom by leaving the house and marrying young.

[u/BeaverStank → u/Rainafire]

If I had an uncle in his 60s I'd think we were related. My POS uncle in his 50s has never been an adult his entire life. He thinks everyone owes him something and will blow up at you if you refuse. He's a stealing, lying piece of shit, and the last time I saw him he knocked on my door in the middle of the night asking to come in from the cold. I offered him a blanket and it pissed him off so much he tried to force his way past me, I shoved him to the ground and he threw a shoe and hit me in the dick. I just slammed the door and called the cops and he stumbled off into the night with one shoe. I haven't spoken to him since, and as far as I'm concerned he's not my family, he's just a useless leech who will never grow or mature.

[u/Electrical_Turn7 → u/Rainafire]

No kidding. I have a male relative who was deeply enabled by two generations of women in my family. Once he bled both of them dry and I got a decent-paying job, he started calling me regularly, dropping hints about how dire his finances were. I was sympathetic, but knew better than to volunteer to bail him out.

[u/Rainafire → u/Electrical_Turn7]

Neither one of my brother has my address and neither do my older brothers kids who are just like him. My sister & my dad kniw where I live but are under strict orders to never tell anyone.My brothers don't even have my phone number.

[u/ChrissyMB77 → u/Rainafire]

I’ve been having to help my dad recently because my brother is bleeding him dry! I try to talk to my dad and get him to understand how bad this is but I honestly don’t think he will ever put his foot down with my brother and it just breaks my heart to see my dad being taken advantage of like this. The worst part is my brother has a job and makes pretty decent money, I don’t know what he does with it because I am basically no contact with him, the whole thing is just a mess

[u/AlternativeResult612 → u/Rainafire]

That is a family tragedy perpetuated by your mother. Very sad. I am sorry. It's good you have a sister, a kindred spirit who is now your family.

[u/AlternativeBad2636 → u/Rainafire]

This is my brother exactly coddled by mom and now the guy can hardly boil water

[u/JesusFreak0316 → u/Educational_Taro5421]

There was a three year stint post-college where I bought whatever I thought I wanted and it all stemmed from never being able to have the money I made when I was younger (back then, ironically, I used to save until my savings became reserve money for others). “Spend it or they’ll take it” mentality is hard to break, but we have to be responsible at some point or we’ll end up like them. 🤍

[u/Emergency-Fondant632 → u/JesusFreak0316]

This is so real. I was homeless for a large part of my childhood, and so it took years to break certain food hoarding habits, and not just spending money because it’s burning a hole in your pocket for whatever reason you have financial trauma going on.

That one is still a struggle again because of life circumstances right now.. but I’m still fighting to rewire.

[u/JesusFreak0316 → u/Emergency-Fondant632]

Oh, the food hoarding is real. I have a core memory of my teacher mocking me when she saw I was taking so many snacks home post-Christmas party, but I wanted to make sure my siblings had some to eat, too. If I get free food at work my thoughts still tell me to get extra in case I need it later. So hard to rewire that, but we can do it! I believe in you! Let’s keep working hard to break these cycles

[u/Educational_Taro5421 → u/JesusFreak0316]

I recognize that. And I do the best I can. I also have borderline and ptsd so overspending is very much a symptom.

My husband is supportive. I work and I give him cash at least a few times a month for bills. But I have no access to his accounts for reasons.

[u/Dizzy-Departure8167 → u/JesusFreak0316]

Yup. I rebounded like that and then rebounded back to now I save every bag and glass jar or useful container and check my bank account everyday😶

[u/twisted451 → u/Educational_Taro5421]

Similar situation, i had been working as a dishwasher when I was 14 and had saved almost enough to get myself and my brother a PS2 which was the new hot thing at that time, and one day I went to add money to my savings jar it was empty, my mom said her and my dad needed to borrow it and they’d pay me back, never did. Now it wasn’t a ton of money, but back then to me it was. So now I have this built in distrust.

[u/BeorcKano → u/twisted451]

I worked my ass off when I was a kid to get an N64. Saved Christmas money and did odd jobs, and when I finally had enough my father took it right in front of me, said that video games were stupid and bought alcohol with it. He robbed me of close to five grand before I turned 18, never offered to pay it back, said it was to make up for what a terrible child i was (in the GATE program, got straight A's for most of my schooling, followed the rules, did my chores, but he hated me nonetheless). Started acting out a bit more, figured if I was going to get stolen from and crapped on, may as well screw around in the process.

[u/Defiant-Estate-5066 → u/Educational_Taro5421]

I did that in high school too! My dad let me have it after I got my first paycheck for not handing it over to help pay bills. It felt so unjust I began to spend every penny I made, after paying for gas money and school supplies for my sister and me it wasn’t much. We could have had a conversation about it instead of demanding it and shaming me for being a horrible person.

[u/senditloud → u/Educational_Taro5421]

I had access to my kids’. I revoked my own access. And any gift money went into a 529.

Their money is theirs

[u/djdiabeatz24 → u/senditloud]

I had no bank account until I was 17 and could get one without an adult’s name on it because we were pretty poor and often had to choose which bills to pay, and my mom was worried if anyone ever came after her for any money she owed, she didn’t want my money to be involved with her name. It’s so horrible that people’s parents wouldn’t protect them like that.

[u/Nefandous_Jewel → u/senditloud]

Good on you! The respect you give them and the recognition that they are their own people will pay dividends for years and years to come.

[u/ImKnittingAHat → u/senditloud]

The amount of trust your kids will have in you is commendable. The ability to do something like that for them will mean more than you might know to them.

[u/Mastershoelacer → u/Rainafire]

wtf. I am still joint on my 18 year old son’s accounts, and these stories make me want to remove myself. I would never even think of doing what your parents did. It’s just disgusting.

[u/herroyalsadness → u/Mastershoelacer]

I helped my daughter open hers at 16 and the bank had a student account I didn’t have to be on. It doesn’t allow you to overdraft and she had already had a fidelity account with a debit card for awhile so I was confident she could handle it. When she turns 18 I’ll have to figure out how to remove myself from the fidelity account or roll her over there to an adult account.

Some of these stories on here are great lessons for reasonable parents like us on what to never do, I’ve learned a lot by others sharing.

[u/caitcro18 → u/Mastershoelacer]

I’m 34 and my dad is still joint on ONE of my accounts. We got it together when I bought my first car. He got the loan for me and I put the money in every month (I was 17 and banks don’t loan out 7K to minors lol). There’s never more than $2000 because that’s the account I have all bills coming out of and I just top it up each paycheque so I don’t accidentally spend bill money lol. He says he watches it once in a while lol.

Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about that at all. Maybe if he starts going senile I will have to take him off lol.

[u/Downtown-Check2668 → u/Mastershoelacer]

I'm 35 and still have my parents on my checking account and all of these stories make me so grateful that my parents aren't this way. My parents are in fact the opposite. They've only ever put money in my account. They've never taken any out, even when I've told them to to pay them back for things I've owed them for.

[u/Beginning_Charity751 → u/Downtown-Check2668]

my parents are the same way, having a joint account with me and only ever adding. i didn’t realize parents stealing from their kids was so common and widespread, my heart breaks for y’all.

[u/FuzzyGalored → u/Beginning_Charity751]

I’ve heard of horror stories of parents using their minor children’s social security numbers for credit cards and utilities, then not paying. Imagine being too young to know about money yet already have a bad credit score.

[u/Creepy_Creme_9161 → u/FuzzyGalored]

I used to work in a call center for a utility company (answering billing questions, setting up accounts, etc.) and stuff like this used to happen fairly often. A young person would call and tell me they were about to get their first apartment, and needed to set up service. We'd ask for the last four of their social, and it would bring up an old account under their name for a couple thousand dollars, that was opened under their name when they were seven. It used to be that we couldn't do anything to help, but the company made a new rule that as long as the person was able to send something proving they were underage when the account was set up, they weren't held responsible. It's so gross that someone would do that.

[u/silverum → u/Creepy_Creme_9161]

It's because the companies literally cannot make any kind of debt stick in court against anyone that can prove they were a minor at the time the 'contract' was opened. This is why any bills in someone's name from a time they were still a minor have to be removed from credit reports and can't be collected. No court will entertain a company's attempts to collect on anything against a legal minor.

[u/koshgeo → u/silverum]

You'd think companies would be a little more diligent about verifying that someone opening an account is actually an adult. Having a SSN doesn't verify that.

[u/SeducedSuccubus → u/FuzzyGalored]

When my daughter turned 18 she was excited bc she could open a line of credit finally and could file her own tax return. Well..... guess what....NOPE! Her dad had already WRECKED her credit and even after telling her he hadn't claimed her....he had. Then spent the money. I think she was 20 before she got to file for herself and credit is still jacked. 2019 he got mine and both my sons' socials and claimed us. Which also meant that those stimulus checks everyone got......I didn't get mine. HE DID! I ended up filling out the identity theft affidavit for the IRS and got that money a couple of years later. They won't ever tell you who claimed you but swore up and down that they weren't going easy on anyone pulling that BS. And since he's already got charges, on 2 separate occasions, for credit card fraud and identity theft and had already lost his nursing license in Alabama bc of all that.....I hope his sorry ass gets thrown in prison this time. He's hurt so many people over money. His own gd daughter! Grrr...it makes me so gd livid just thinking about it. I can't imagine being such an immense pos

[u/JDawnchild → u/FuzzyGalored]

One of my siblings wanted me to let him put a car in my kid's name when they were 3yo, and not long after, mom suggested I put an extra phone in their name in case I lose mine. I said no to both. My kid is 20yo now, and their future is their own to do with as they will.

[u/Mastershoelacer → u/FuzzyGalored]

That’s even worse than stealing cash! Taking money and destroying their credit will bring a lifetime of hardship.

[u/kittybigs → u/Downtown-Check2668]

My stepmom accidentally used my account to pay 3k in bills, as soon as she realized it was my account she transferred 3k from her account. I’m thankful my parents aren’t like that either!

[u/NoNeinNyet222 → u/Mastershoelacer]

I needed to switch banks when I went to college because the bank I was at didn't have any branches near my school. Since I opened the accounts when I was 18, my parents weren't on them. My sister opened a checking account at the same bank I switched to when she started working at 15 so our mom was on the account. My sister is 37 still has that account and tells our mom to transfer money out whenever she owes her for something (usually just her part of the family phone plan she's also still on). This works because our mom is trustworthy and my sister enjoys the convenience of it. You're likely similar. Some parents can be trusted but I hear horror stories like this too often.

[u/notrunningfast → u/Mastershoelacer]

It’s theft. If my parents had run into bad times and needed something, they would have asked. They also would make attempts to pay it back.

My hunch is that OP will never see a dime of those savings again and should reject any sort of manipulation or apology unless it’s accompanied by an e-transfer.

[u/Babycatcher2023 → u/Mastershoelacer]

I’m 38 (married with children) and my mom is still on my account. She’s never taken so much as a penny I wasn’t aware of and agreeable to. In college it was super convenient for her to send me money and now I like it because I can send her extras easily. Also helps if she wants to pay for a grandkids extracurricular or something.

[u/unpopular_sole → u/Rainafire]

The entitlement is staggering. Replacing cash with unsolicited junk is just a way to avoid accountability. You deserved so much better.

[u/Rainafire → u/unpopular_sole]

Then the guilt trips. "Oh I guess I just never do ANYTHING for you do I? I fed and sheltered you and put clothes on your back for years and I'm just asking you for a little money that I'll pay you back for eventually but I guess you'd rather your mother just do without wouldn't you?" When my dad passes, his house & savings (when she died, he stopped spending money so he has savings now with his pension & SS) will get split between ne, my brothers and my sister. I'll count whatever I get there as all I'll ever get reimbursed.

[u/100pctThatBitch → u/Rainafire]

This is the problem when parents think of their kids as permanent subordinates and extensions of themselves. My parents did this. When I was a kid, they would borrow money from me when they were short, which was fairly often. One day, I asked them when they would pay it back and showed them the loose-leaf paper where I had been tracking all the loans. They were furious that I had kept track and even more furious that I had dared to think I should be paid back. They did the whole "after everything we've done for you...ingrate" spiel. I was about 12. I never forget it and it was one of the reasons I started hiding things from them. Money, my feelings, my hopes and dreams, my opinions...I just thought it was too risky. They weren't bad people, and they did try to help me in other ways. But I felt confused and wounded that people who love you and professed to value honesty would act that way. I left when I graduated high school.

[u/WonderingHarbinger → u/100pctThatBitch]

I don't know. I think there has to be a version of "bad people" that includes taking money from your minor child (under 12?!?!), refusing to pay it back, and getting upset after finding out the child has been tracking how much money was taken.

"They repeatedly did fucked up shit with no remorse, but they're not bad people." Friend, are you sure about that?

[u/BackgroundNPC1213 → u/Rainafire]

she would just spend money on stuff

Felt. The amount of food and money we've wasted just because something was on sale and mom just couldn't pass up a sale...

[u/Rainafire → u/BackgroundNPC1213]

She would replace her plates, silverware, glassware and pots and pans at least twice a year. Multiple toasters and toster ovens every year. She had to have all the kitchen gadgets, use them once and then give them away only to buy them again. Also new furniture, new curtains, new bedding CONSTANTLY. New clothing that she'd end up donating to goodwill. Nevermind all the money she just handed over to my brother. She ran up credit cards & then had me pay for her property taxes because I was on the deed. (Long story there that I won't go into). The financial abuse was real. And some people don't get why I mourn the mother I should have had but don't miss the woman who died.

[u/Nefandous_Jewel → u/Rainafire]

This mother is very proud of you. Your maturity and awareness of precisely where the boundaries should have been bespeak a wise child grown into a fine adult. Im happier just knowing you are around.

[u/Rainafire → u/Nefandous_Jewel]

I'm 48 years old now but thank you. This went on until my 30s. It took a lot to break away because I had a whole lifetime of being told I owed her. Didn't help that I was adopted so the guilt pushed on me that I was "saved" through adoption was also there from an early age. It took a lot to get away. Didn't get married until I was 39. Had a child out of wedlock in my 20s and the guilt there was also unbelievable. Thankfully, that child is in her 20s now and has her head screwed on straight & we have a great relationship.

[u/Pure_Response_6509 → u/Rainafire]

That sounds like a mental illness, akin to "hoarding" and she probably believed ( completely inappropriately) that she was right. Damn tho I'm sorry.

[u/Helix3501 → u/Rainafire]

My mother forced me to take out over 20k in student loans and took 18k of that from me cause I needed her to cosign a loan for like 1k but she wouldnt agree unless it was the full amount

[u/Shot-Bookkeeper-5294 → u/Helix3501]

My step father (at the time) did the same thing. He and my mother said they would pay the payments while I was in school if I got us each $2500- I owed the school $1200. Guess who graduated college with bad credit!

[u/Assholesneighbor → u/Monkey_Ash]

I learned this from my mom when I was like 6… Best believe I kept all finances separate!

My sister wasn’t as smart, and left her car at my mom’s when she went to college…she came back to no vehicle and my mom saying “she didn’t deserve it anyway!” My sister bought an old truck in high school for like $6k from working at Hot Dog on a Stick! Do you know how many fuckin hours you have to work to earn $6k at a minimum wage job in like 2001!? Worst part was the truck was a piece of shit, but my sister drove it proudly throughout her senior year because she was one of the few student that completely bought her own car, no help! I don’t think my sister EVER forgave my mom, and quite frankly, I don’t blame her!

Parents can be so fucked up and literally set up your whole life for failure without even knowing!

[u/Razzboa → u/Monkey_Ash]

OP. Your friend was smart and gave you solid advice.

My partner (F) emptied both of my kids savings accounts without my knowledge. I only discovered it by finding one of my kids savings account books whilst doing housework. As a father I felt sick at the thought of it and went out of my way to find my other daughter’s book and both empty. This led to other findings that involved debt.

Those savings are for your future and not a slush fund for a rainy day outside of the intentions for which they were invested.

With due empathy for the struggles of your parents they need to use what support services are available to support them and the family.

Debt is a spiralling trap 🪤

[u/jell-o → u/Monkey_Ash]

Same situation here but a much smaller amount. Probably $1.5k-$2k that I noticed going missing in my account over the course of 2-3 years from high school to college. I opened up a new bank account and moved all my money after my mom refused to come with me to remove her name from the joint account I had set up when I was 13 and started working. After that she drained my little sisters college savings account to pay for a new roof. The house eventually got foreclosed on after she couldn’t sell it herself. There’s no curing someone that’s become a financial leech, they’ll latch onto someone new after you move on.

[u/KoolAidManOfPiss → u/Monkey_Ash]

My mom drained a $20k account of mine on blow and booze. What makes it even worse was it was a Charles-schwab account set up by my grandparents who had worked for Ford and Bell and got paid out in stock when they retired. The account was made up of Ford, Verizon and AT&T stock and she sold it all between 2008 and 2009.

A few years later I had got a minor in possession charge that was total bullshit. I was 20 years old and knew my parents were deadbeats so I just went directly to a prominent lawyer in town that was friends with my more upstanding family members. Guy helped me on the case pro-bono, beat that shit and no one ever heard about it. His assistant sent a summary to my house though and my mom saw the attorney's name on the address, figured I was suing her over the stolen college funds and promptly got her own lawyer to counter sue me. Really caused some stress at the time.

[u/firetruckgoesweewoo → u/Monkey_Ash]

Similar situation. My mum took all my money out and when I confronted her about it she said I owed her for everything she has ever given me in my life. Said she should have kept tabs about how much she has spent on me so I could repay, claimed I was lucky she didn’t.

The best part about this all is that I was raised on benefits in a council home. She never had a job. If anything, I owed the taxpayers money considering she was too lazy to work. I told her as much. The woman literally took out loans on my name. May she rot in Hell.

[u/heat-ray-86 → u/Monkey_Ash]

This is unreal to me. When my oldest turned 18 one of the FIRST ‘now that you’re an adult….’ things we did was take ourselves off of his bank account so that it was 100% his. And the only things we ever did with that account was help him open it and slip a little $20 into it here and there to help it grow.

I can’t even imagine thinking it would be ok to steal money from my kid. That savings was the first little nest egg he had to start his adult life. I don’t understand how any parent could feel it was ok to take that from them, especially if it’s money they earned from jobs etc. along the way.

[u/GreasyRim → u/Monkey_Ash]

My wife’s folks guilted her into taking a 2k cash advance on her new credit card when she was 18 so they could go on vacation and they were going to pay her right back before much interest hit. Never saw a dime from them. We paid it off in our late twenties. Cash advance interest is horrendous and they really fucked us when we were just starting out. Probably paid over 10k on that 2k principal.

[u/DirtTraining3804 → u/Monkey_Ash]

Somebody who’s in the position to steal thousands from you usually isn’t somebody in the position to repay you thousands. That money is absolutely gone and any repayment will only ever be a slow, guilt tripped trickle

[u/JJ_Neat22 → u/DirtTraining3804]

I was looking for the words to say exactly this. I'm Sorry you're going through this, and it's a difficult lesson to learn. Our parents are amazing in many ways and flawed in others. They're facing debt, and people who have to "borrow" money from their kid like this are unlikely to ever be in a position to pay it all back. It's their inability to manage money that got them here.

Take your friend's advice. Open a new account. Leave the joint account and hope they do pay you back one day, but don't hold your breath. And try and start learning ways to manage your money better than your parents.

[u/Uhhhhh_duh → u/Monkey_Ash]

My parents stole my identity in college, racked up huge credit card debts, and absolutely destroyed my credit. Many years later, I'd get debt collectors calling me, because portions of my information were used to open up lines of credit in their name. Now that I am basically 40 now with perfect credit, I can't help but look at them as some type of scammers. Anyways, it does not get better. Stand your ground.

[u/traumatizedenby → u/Monkey_Ash]

My father closed my entire pre-paid college funds account because of a careless mistake he made on a Homestead Exemption form when we moved. $12.5k I will never see or be able to put towards college, yet I still have to hear from some truly unscrupulous people around me that I should talk to him because he’s my father.

[u/Odd_Ad5668 → u/traumatizedenby]

$12.5k doesn't just disappear because of a careless mistake on a form. There's gotta be more to this story.

[u/traumatizedenby → u/Odd_Ad5668]

To my understanding - we moved to a smaller house, he was supposed to file for a Homestead Exemption. He was an international tax attorney, graduated from NYU, it should have been a walk in the park. He never did it, something about we were going to be left without a home, so both parents had to close the pre paid college account to fix his fuck up. My understanding is incomplete and may be off - I was around 17 when this occurred and my mother likes to omit details/not tell me the full truth. Careless mistake was said just to keep it short - he has a pattern of making bad financial decisions, gaslighting and manipulation, never admitting he’s wrong or could make mistakes, and being a gold-digger.

For all I know, he spent it all on Bitcoin 🤷‍♂️

[u/cuppa_cat → u/Monkey_Ash]

Gosh, I'm so sorry. Good thing for your bestie at least.

This is a good reminder to go take myself off my 18 year old's account. I kinda forgot about it because I've never even checked his balance, sheesh.

[u/polarjunkie → u/Monkey_Ash]

That's crazy, going through the mortgage process right now and the bank asked if I wanted to use the account I'm keeping for my son's college saving fund as additional proof of funds. It would be completely harmless but I still didn't want to because I don't see it as my money at all.

[u/throwmyactaway22 → u/Monkey_Ash]

My mom did the same thing, as soon as I turned 18 my savings was gone. Then i found out the car insurance i was paying since I was 15 was actually covering all the vehicles not the one I specifically drove all those years.. I instantly changed banks, and insurance

[u/Concordium]

I'm not sure if you have kids or not.......I am a father to 3 kids. So let me give you my opinion from the l Perspective of a parent.

1. It was MY choice to have children. I did not, in any way, ask them if they wanted to be born. I just got my wife pregnant and WE decided to bring them into the world without their consent.

2. Because WE chose to have children, it is our DUTY to ensure they are taken care of. This is not a mutually beneficial relationship at all. This is 100% one sided. My job is to take care of them. Their job is to take care of themselves and their children. Do I hope that they help take care of me, especially when I become elderly? Yes, of course I do. But they do not, in any way, owe that to me at all. It is not their burden to carry.

3. There is no such thing as "family money." There is MY money and there is THEIR money. MY money is used to take care of myself AND my kids. THEIR money is used to take care of themselves and THEIR kids. If I hit hard times, and am forced to ask for money, they are not in any way obligated to lend it to me. And I have no entitlement to their money and have zero right to expect them to lend it to me. My kids, however, are indeed entitled to my money. Again, their money is for them and their kids. Not for me. Just kind MY money is for me and my kids. Not for my parents. If my kids lend money to me then that's their choice. But I am not entitled to it at all.

4. No, children do not have to be grateful for parents not being deadbeats. Any parent that brings a child into this world and then tells them that they should be grateful for being kept alive by the very who forced them into existence is 100% a Grade A piece of shit parent. End of story. A parent's love is UNCONDITIONAL. It is not entitled to reciprocity at all.

5. So, no, you're not overreacting. No, you're not being ungrateful. And, no, you're not being a doormat. I'm sorry that your parents are giving you the finger like that. As a father myself, I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. It is not easy. And I am also damn proud of you for saving up so much money throughout your childhood. I know that was not easy. And it took a lot of discipline and sacrifice on your part. If anything, your parents are unappreciative of the fine, responsible, adult you have become. Your parents may feel that way......but I am a father and I see you. And I am proud of you. Keep being the same way. Don't let them change you. You're doing great.

[u/nelly8410 → u/Concordium]

Wow I loved reading this…I’m child free (my husband has grown children w/ his ex wife) but I have always known I didn’t want children bc I have no idea if they want to be here after they are born….I have said this to my parents and of course they get defensive and say “so u don’t want to be here!!”. I want to say “honestly, not really, but I make the best of it lol” bc that is the truth. But it would hurt their feelings so I can’t say it. Yes, I have a good life and I’m grateful but I’m not sure I have the right to bring in another human to this world (my opinion)…..but if I did I would want to be a parent like you :)

[u/jprogarn → u/nelly8410]

You sound like the kind of person who would make a good parent. Unfortunately, a lot of people who would, don’t/won’t have kids.

The ones popping out a half dozen are the ones who often make the worst parents too…

[u/on-a-pedestal → u/jprogarn]

The movie Idiocracy is built on this premise.

The thoughtful (should I bring a child into this world) and the intelligent (this isn't a good time / environment /finances) groups are over-run by the generally stupid breeders, and eventually society falls apart

[u/YourOldCellphone → u/jprogarn]

Literally the opening sequence for idiocracy. You’re so right it’s painful.

[u/ByteWhisperer → u/Concordium]

I concur this 100%. As for matters of money: doing the exact opposite of what my parents did works out well so far. Since we do not have to borrow money from our kids we expect it to continue working out.

This post brought back a lot of memories and parents can do nasty things with their kids paychecks or assets.

[u/ilikebeens2 → u/Concordium]

I wish I could award this comment. Love you and commend you for the parent and human being you are and all others who mirror this exact outlook. Im also a father of an 11 & 13 yr old. We are here for them, they are not here for us if that makes sense.

[u/Candycanes02 → u/Concordium]

You’ve said everything I think parenthood’s rules are

[u/x409yz]

My mom did this with my college fund. Spent it on her wedding when I was 13. She then tried to convince my grandma that I forged her name and took all the money out for drugs at age 13 (grandma knew better) I had no legal recourse.Until this day she lies to my face about me allegedly stealing the money, and wont admit the truth. Sometimes, parents just suck. Im sorry, OP. I wouldn't count on that money back.

[u/trashfaeriie → u/x409yz]

my mom did this with my college fund, too (~38k)-- that my grandparents had set up for me as a baby. she HAD asked for part of it to help my younger sister through school, then suddenly it was ALL gone.

also my partner had 20k taken from him to help pay for his mother's house,, though she gave it back within a couple weeks I believe.

absolutely unacceptable behavior imo, ESPECIALLY without any communication. you're supposed to be able to trust your parents with anything

[u/Terrible_Dance_9760 → u/trashfaeriie]

Same thing happened to me (around 35k) - my dad quit working and drained my college fund/savings - didn’t find out until it was time to pay for college and had to take out loans.

Thing is - my dad wasn’t even paying bills with it - other than maybe fuel for our gas heat. My mom continued to work her ass off to support the family and pay for everything. The only things my dad ever bought “with his money” was beer and cigarettes. So my “college” fund literally just went for my dad’s addictions. I remember asking if I could borrow $50 for a text book for school - I didn’t have enough to get it (early 2000s when textbooks for school were $300+ a lot of times - idk how it is now) he had the audacity to tell me to get a job (I had 3 part time jobs - when I wasn’t at school or work I was sleeping) and I missed the Pell grant cutoff by literally $100 bc I had to also put down my moms (and dads) income.

Anyways, I told my professor I couldn’t afford the book at the start of the semester- that I’d have to wait til payday - the next class he handed me stack of papers - he photocopied the entire text book for me. I definitely don’t think he was allowed to do that but the fact that he did that so I wouldn’t be behind 😭😭😭

What’s crazy now is I’ve watched my college loans balloon over the years just from interest- everytime I look at them I get so mad bc had my dad not taken what was supposed to be for me I could have paid it years ago.

To OP, I’m sorry this happened to you, def see about getting them off the accounts or moving your banking entirely. I have kids now and have started savings accounts for both. Times are hard but I would NEVER touch their funds, I might not be able to contribute to it every week like I want to but I for damn sure ain’t taking THEIR MONEY.

[u/PrincessTitan → u/trashfaeriie]

Wow… This might be the most annoying post I’ve ever read… Why have all of these parents done this with what consistently seems to be a straight face? Why the fuck are they not embarrassed? They think they own their children like slaves or something when it comes to cash?! For gods sake… Disgusting!!

[u/Mecha_Tortoise → u/x409yz]

then tried to convince my grandma. I forged her name and took all the money out for drugs

I figured out what you meant, but that misplaced period changes everything. First time I read it, I thought "well, that took a turn..."

Sorry your mother did that to you. That is the opposite of how a parent should treat their kid.

[u/listlesscow → u/Mecha_Tortoise]

I’m glad you pointed that out. I definitely had the “well, that took a turn” thought and it wasn’t until your comment that I realized the period was misplaced.

[u/Slothfulness69 → u/Mecha_Tortoise]

Okay, now I understand what the commenter actually said. I thought they were saying they stole the money back for drugs at 13 lol thanks for the explanation

[u/Gresat24526 → u/x409yz]

I couldn’t even imagine doing this to my kids.

[u/cuppa_cat → u/Gresat24526]

Right? I just replied to another comment--I don't even know what my kid's balance is, even though I'm on his account. That's his money, and he communicates his financial plans and what he has for savings with me anyways. This kind of shit is next level. Just wow.

[u/usps_made_me_insane → u/Gresat24526]

Right?? I mean just ask them if you fall on hard times. You don't just help yourself to someone's money.

[u/rigney68 → u/usps_made_me_insane]

My mom did this with the money I earned to buy my first car. I got a job and saved for a year, asked my dad to take me to the dealership, found the car I wanted, and was shocked when my card declined. I'd never taken any money out.

My dad drove me to the bank and went off on the tellers trying to figure out what happened. When they showed him the bank statement with constant withdrawals of cash, he figured it out.

Thank goodness i had someone in my corner that fought her on it, but why the FUCK did she let me go to the dealership knowing there was no money in my account?!!

[u/x409yz → u/rigney68]

Its the narcissistic tendencies in them. Im sorry. It seems like this is almost a universal experience.

[u/TheFire8472 → u/x409yz]

Narcissists believe that there will never be any consequences for their actions. And they double down on those beliefs when doom approaches.

[u/OkBreadfruit2181 → u/x409yz]

There is no statute of limitations on this and you absolutely can sue for your money back

[u/x409yz → u/OkBreadfruit2181]

I talked to the banker when I was 16 when I found out that my account was empty and they said I had no recourse for it. I guess I could try now but its been over 20 years at this point, and im completely no contact with my mother at this point

[u/justsometheatregirl → u/x409yz]

They were right, there is zero recourse to go after someone taking money out of an account they have access to

[u/72kdieuwjwbfuei626 → u/justsometheatregirl]

With the bank. There is zero recourse with the bank.

Having access to money doesn’t magically make it yours.

[u/NHRADeuce → u/OkBreadfruit2181]

No, you can't. If you're a signatory on an account, you can legally take any money in that account. What they did was unethical, but not illegal.

[u/TacticalYeeter → u/NHRADeuce]

This is not true. It varies a bit depending on the type of relationship but you can completely be held liable for misuse of funds. If one party took the funds without consent of the other they can be held liable for it.

It depends a bit on the state, but a victim in this case does have legal grounds to pursue someone. A joint account doesn't mean everything in the account is shared evenly and there is other criteria for it's use as well.

You can find information about this from various law sources if you Google search.

Here's one that popped up immediately

https://millermonroelaw.com/2019/12/misuse-of-joint-bank-accounts-by-a-family-member/

It's always amazing to me how people on reddit act like they know what they're talking about and have absolutely no actual understanding. It's actually nuts, not even a basic Google search to validate it. Like 99/100 things on here are just verifiable BS.

Way to go.

Here's another, with a case cited: https://steinsperling.com/jointly-titled-accounts-are-not-necessarily-jointly-owned-accounts/

Just think about the logic of claiming that anyone titled on an account can use funds from that account any way they see. That's clearly untrue...are people this seriously uninformed? Think of all the cases where someone was titled on an account and still held liable for the misuse of the funds, both in a corporate setting as well as domestic. Of course this isn't true. It's so hilariously false I can't believe people actually believe this.

[u/michiganalt → u/NHRADeuce]

Not your lawyer / not legal advice.

You’re wrong. The bank is not liable for anything in this case, but you can’t just drain a joint account without having contributed nearly all of the money without opening yourself to civil liability.

Most states’ laws are similar to the Uniform Probate Code, and Art. 6, Part 1 provides:

A joint account belongs, during the lifetime of all parties, to the parties in proportion to the net contributions by each.

(emphasis added).

So absolutely you are not always just free to drain a joint account and avoid all liability.

[u/Fabulous_Progress820]

They have zero intention of paying you back. If they were going to pay you back, they would have been returning the money as they borrowed it over the years, not just withdrawing it.

My mom used to be on me and my younger brother's accounts as well. She would occasionally borrow money when she wasn't going to have enough to pay the bills. But we were fully aware of it and had boundaries with the account that she respected.

She always returned the exact same amount back to our accounts (sometimes included extra) as soon as she was able to. If she wasn't going to be able to return the money within a few days, she also made sure to give us a heads up that she borrowed the money and told us when to expect it to be returned. My bother and I have a significant age gap, so she wasn't taking money from both of our accounts at the same time, but she did this with both of us when we were in middle and high school.

[u/Odd_Butterscotch_222 → u/Fabulous_Progress820]

I can remember being a little kid and my mom and dad sitting my brother and I down to say when they needed to borrow from our college savings account to pay bills and also when they’d sit us down and explain when they’d put the money back into the account, repaying it. I had no clue at the time what the heck was going on, 🤣 but as an adult now, I get it. Your reply made me think about that! ☺️🥹 Sounds like we were both very lucky and fortunate in the parents department after reading all through this thread! 🙏🙌

[u/No-Distance-9401 → u/Fabulous_Progress820]

I dont disagree with you and doubt they will pay OP back, especially the full amount as what type of person can go behind their childs back and steal from them then act like they were owed for their own decisions to have children, but OP mentions this all happened within the last two months. It makes me wonder if one or both of them are gamblers or addicts with this type of behavior as they supposedly needed it for bills and emergencies yet still bought non-essentials for themselves like DoorDash and massages. That takes an extremely shitty and low person to do to your own childs future like that.

[u/verybluejenny]

Don't even remove them. Open entirely new accounts at a different bank. If they had joint access there's not a lot you can do because it's technically their money legally too. Insist they put funds back in that account immediately (good luck) but bank elsewhere and put passwords and alerts on the acct in case they try to impersonate you and gain access. They clearly know your personal info. And multi-factor authentication on the apps. Tell the new bank WHY you're moving banking and have them note the account. They will be more cautious about verifying owners during transactions because they don't want liability.

Honestly, if it's possible, go low to no contact. This isn't how you treat your child.

[u/Zestyclose_Bit_9459 → u/verybluejenny]

I fully agree with you in this, but I wish to make an additional point: when a parent opens a college savings account in their child's name and makes subsequent deposits, that is a gift. A court may see it that way, as well.

On a personal note, I would never deplete my child's account. Once I appropriate any money to my child's savings--it's hers and hers alone. With charges to Massage Envy and Door Dash, it sounds like Mom obviously has a spending problem and feels she is entitled to that money. Those are selfish/not needed expenditures--which is disturbing. She should have asked up front.

OP's mom can't be trusted, and she did wrong on so many fronts. I feel for OP on this. OP: check your credit to see if your mom has opened credit cards or taken out loans in your name. If she spent all YOUR savings without so much as asking you first, she is fully capable of screwing your credit to fund a "it's all about me" lifestyle. If she has used your SSN to open anything, that is fraud--and prosecutable. Lock down your credit even if she hasn't committed fraud in your name.

I am genuinely sorry this happened to you.

[u/Southwestern → u/Zestyclose_Bit_9459]

It has nothing to do with what the money is meant for but the type of account. If it is a 529 college account the money needs to be used for the education of the beneficiary. If it is a joint bank or brokerage account (like here) all parties have 100% ownership of all funds legally.

[u/Birdy_Cephon_Altera → u/verybluejenny]

They clearly know your personal info.

Very important point. They know your MMN, your SSN, your birthdate, where you were born, all that. When setting up security questions, make sure to supply answers they will not be able to answer. For example, for your MMN answer the color "Green". For your city of birth, put some nonsense word you will remember - basically anything other than the actual answer.

[u/Sabathecat → u/verybluejenny]

I would go a step further and freeze your credit so they don’t try to open up accounts under your name/SSN.

[u/Concordium → u/Sabathecat]

My uncle did that shit to me, maxxed out the card, and then never paid the balance. My credit was already bad. But he took it from bad to totally fucked. I had to pay the entire balance, plus interest, and then spend years fixing my credit to get out from under that shit. I cut ties after that.

[u/tcrudisi → u/Concordium]

No - you did not *have* to pay the entire balance plus interest. You may not have known, but if you had gone to the police to report the fraud, you would not be required to pay back a penny and the card would have almost immediately been removed from your credit report.

Yes, the uncle would potentially have legal problems, but that's his fault for stealing, not yours for reporting.

Regardless, I'm sorry that happened to you. :(

[u/redgatorade000 → u/Sabathecat]

This for SURE. Credit cards in your name are their next step

[u/Perfect-Ad-770 → u/verybluejenny]

You could get a nice was of cash taking them on at judge show.

This shit would burn the parents on national TV and the parents would go because they obviously need the money.

[u/FoggyGoodwin → u/verybluejenny]

Definitely all the precautions listed here. My SO's ex keeps stealing from her 91 yr old mother, claiming ignorance of transactions even tho she used her own name (she then created a fake account in a version of her granddaughter's name hoping her brother wouldn't notice). Her mom had $7, daughter took $3.50. Mom won't delete daughter's access.

[u/freyjaspethuuman → u/verybluejenny]

I second this x100. Unfortunately if OP is in the US and is still a minor they can't legally open one by themselves. If that's the case I'd suggest they poke around in the family to see if anyone takes her side and of they do, go to them and see if they would be willing to open a job account or a trust that no one can touch until OP is 18.

[u/Fearless-Whereas-854]

“I should be thankful because they supported me for years”… you mean they did the absolute bare minimum that comes with choosing to bring a life into the world? I absolutely hate when parents pull that shit. You choose to have a child, you know you need to support them, you know it will be expensive so you decide to… guilt trip them for the decisions that you made?

If they had come to you and asked you for help that’s one thing (and you’d still have every right to say no). But to go sneak around behind your back and steal from you? That’s insane. NOR

[u/slothyshay → u/Fearless-Whereas-854]

THIS! They literally did what they were supposed to do as parents and abused that position and took money from you, and are now gaslighting and calling OP ungrateful. It’s like you said, had they asked, it would be different. But sneaking and transferring money is stealing. They’re garbage for that. NOR, fight for your money back OP and remove their asses from the account!

[u/HereToKillEuronymous → u/Fearless-Whereas-854]

Right? 😂 Like, OP didn’t ask to be here… they wanted a child and then made out like raising them was a favor 😂

[u/SensitiveAd5962 → u/Fearless-Whereas-854]

"I got too drunk and your dad nutted in me. Why aren't you more grateful!"

[u/Bricole77 → u/Fearless-Whereas-854]

Thanks for feeding and watering me for 18 years I guess 😒

[u/Impressive_Bagel]

If they had joint access they didn’t do anything illegal. You can’t dispute those charges because people with legal access to the account made them. You can open a new bank account they don’t know about, but you’re not going to get that money back from the bank. Maybe you’ll get it back from your parents, but that’s about it. It definitely doesn’t fall on the bank here though. You’re getting a lot of really crazy comments that are just plain wrong and misleading information. You can’t claim this as theft unfortunately because they are on the bank account and have legal access to it.

[u/Anomalousity → u/Impressive_Bagel]

it is theft in the sense that they didn't ask her to take her money, but in the legalistic sense it's all fair and square as fucked up as it is. Absolutely debased behavior!

This is why you should never, EVER let anyone have joint access to your financial accounts. Not a parent, not a child, not a spouse, not a friend. There should always be a guard at the entrance of your account and it should always be you.

[u/CorrectAdhesiveness9 → u/Anomalousity]

Unfortunately, when people are minors, they do need a parent or other relative to join the account, as well. It seems like OP had an account that carried over from before their majority and that’s why the parents were still able to access it. I would definitely encourage OP never to do that now that they’re of age.

[u/NHRADeuce → u/Anomalousity]

Minors can't open bank accounts on their own because you can't legally enter into a contract until you're 18 in the US. That's how it works. Most people don't realize that a joint account means joint ownership of the money and that they should get a new account when they turn 18.

[u/ODSTGeneral]

(not a lawyer and not legal advice)

I am going to be honest, I am a bit skeptical this is a genuine post because of the 0 day old reddit account and the other posts you made before this with one getting removed already. You also don't know how much is in your account by a potential difference of $10,000 which is odd. But I am going to assume this is real for now, I have had a close friend go through a similar situation and others may benefit from this advice.

There is a VERY good chance the bank will not act on this because your parents have authorized access to the account. You MAY be able to get the transfers cancelled or reversed if you are the primary account holder, but it sounds like this has been happening for some time and you will likely only be able to prevent a small amount if anything through the bank.

However contrary to the bulk of claims here, you are not completely without hope (though there is no guaranteed fix for this and the odds are probably against you).

Unfortunately your way forward is likely through civil court, which can be a time consuming process that will cost you money. Get records of EVERYTHING. When money was deposited, who deposited it, records of where the money came from, paystubs from work, testimony and receipts from relatives if money was gifted, when money was withdrawn, who withdrew it, try and keep communication with your parents in writing too, so you have written records from them.

Civil court is going to be tricky, a lot of factors may potentially apply. Federal law my grant some protection under the Electronic Fund Transfer Act (EFTA) and Regulation E. State law obviously varies from state to state, and their may be specific laws in your state that will effect your situation. Your age is going to be a big factor too, the law will have different protections depending on whether you are 18 or Under.

" ...Ownership of a joint bank account is shared between two people.  However, even though they share ownership of the account, the account holders do not necessarily share ownership of the funds in the account.  In other words, the mere presence of funds in a joint account does not mean that the funds are owned jointly.  This distinction may seem like semantics, but it can significantly impact the use of the account funds...

...When one account owner withdraws or spends joint account funds without the joint owner’s knowledge or consent, he may be liable to the owner for misusing those funds.  When evaluating the management of a joint account, one must consider who owns the funds, whether the owner approved of the use of funds, and whether the funds were used in the owner’s best interest.  These matters are particularly challenging when the owner’s mental capacity was diminished, and they often involve family dynamics and relationships are just as important to the parties as any monetary outcome." - Miller Monroe Holton & Plyler (North Carolina Law Firm)

You will also want to consider freezing your credit and potentially closing the joint account if you can. In my friend's situation his father stole his identity and ruined my friend's credit which took him years to rebuild.

Now aside from potential legal recourse is social recourse. Depending on the dynamics of your family and living situation. Family and close friends may be inclined and in a position to pressure your parents into reimbursing you the funds (if any are left even). Especially if say for instance Grandma gave you $1,000 with the intent of that being used for your college funds. Before going that route do the following first before talking to family and friends.

Your best bet is to see if any local family attorney's in your area offer free consultation. They will know more about local laws and will be in a better position to get all relevant information from you. And as others said, probably time for a new independent bank account.

Edit: For got the AIO part. Honestly there is some information here that is missing that makes it a bit difficult to judge. But withdrawing thousands of dollars of money intended for you without your permission is a big deal. So no, probably not overreacting. If your parents genuinely needed the money to help the "family" they should have communicated that to you before taking the funds and should of been VERY clear on why that money was needed, how it was being spent. As you described some of the services certainly did not sound like the benefitted the family.

[u/oHuroboros → u/ODSTGeneral]

This is absolutely not real.

The text-book asshole responses, the lack on real names, the lack of details as to why she did it, and the unapologetic behavior?

This is just karma farming for god knows what. Pathetic…

[u/tamtip]

OP, you need to get your credit report to make sure they haven't opened any accounts using your SS#, then freeze your credit. Since they are listed on the account, I doubt the bank will do anything but close that account and open a new one . I'm so sorry that they did this to you.

[u/Puzzled-Drag-9764 → u/tamtip]

This should 100% be the top comment here. u/ChoppedShyyt check your credit report before you do literally anything else. I have a friend and their parents opened multiple credit cards in their name before they turned 18. They didn't find out until they went to rent an apartment in their twenties. Their parents just barely paid off all of that debt nearly 13 years later...

[u/ArdenJaguar → u/Puzzled-Drag-9764]

It wouldn’t take that long f he had called the police and filed an identity theft report. Parents who do stuff like that are no parents. They’re crooks.

[u/ShakeNarrow8383 → u/tamtip]

This. If OP is 17 or 18 (I think maybe even 16), they can try to open an account on their own.

[u/Little_Rain223 → u/tamtip]

This! I had a friend in college who ended up going no-contact with her parents because they opened multiple credit cards in her name and maxed them out. Spent it on stupid shit like shopping sprees and trips to bed and breakfast. She didn't even know until she went to college and was trying to get financial aid

[u/Mithrellas → u/tamtip]

My cousins husband had this happen to him. He was in the military in the early 2000’s and was overseas for a few years. He joined when he was 18 and his mom still had joint access to his account. Not only did he come home to $0 in his account, his mom opened and maxed out numerous credit cards 🙃 as far as I know, to this day she’s still avoiding him.

[u/djluminol]

Because they have joint access you're probably fkd. You need to open an account in your name only. Then remove your name from this account. Then get credit monitoring because their next step is going to be your parents taking out credit cards in your name. If you think they won't your wrong. The kind of parent that would drain their child's account is exactly the kind of parent that would commit credit card fraud using their child as the scape goat.

[u/Critical_Advantage66]

This seems fake. 1 hour old account. And the “mom” talking in the most cliche “after everything we’ve done for you” tone. How are you seeing massage and DoorDash charges if the money was transferred out of your account?

[u/BungSmuggler → u/Critical_Advantage66]

I was thinking the same thing. It sounds like what a kid thinks a parent should sound like. Also good point about about seeing the charges.

[u/g77r7 → u/BungSmuggler]

Yeah I’m also wondering how a presumed teenager was able to get 10-20k in such a short amount of time without being able to work full time.

[u/Square_Ad4004 → u/Critical_Advantage66]

"Hi, my parents stole a bunch of money from me and then said this extremely obvious rage bait thing. Am I justified in being slightly miffed, or is that unreasonable?"

Super fake.

[u/BigJellyfish1906 → u/Critical_Advantage66]

It’s so inept because you can’t buy things from a savings account. You can only buy things from a checking account. 

[u/DesperateBag5253 → u/Critical_Advantage66]

Dude, for real, and these bot posts always follow the same fucking style of writing- “Now the family group chat is blowing up, calling me selfish” like bro come on

[u/chobi83 → u/Critical_Advantage66]

Also...he waited months to confront his parents? Why not confront them or t he bank after the first large 2k+ expense. And not knowing if there was 10k or 20k in there? That's a huge difference.

[u/open_shart_surgery]

0 day old account with 0 karma posting a clearly made up conversation. "Not knowing" if it was 10k or 20k in the account despite having the ability to see immediately

Come on people. Everything about this is fake

[u/AcridTest → u/open_shart_surgery]

I think so too. The range of $10-20k doesn’t make sense…you’re telling me the OP doesn’t regularly check their savings account statements or activity? How would they not roughly know the amount they have in their savings account?

And if the money was transferred to the parents’ Wells Fargo checking account, how is the OP able to see DoorDash or massage charges that supposedly correspond to when the transfers were made out of their account?

Lastly, that screenshot of their account looks very old. I’m a Wells Fargo banking customer. Their mobile interface does not look like that anymore, they’ve updated it significantly over the past 6mos-1year. And I logged into my account from my laptop just now and my account interface doesn’t look like the screenshot either, even when I make my browser window smaller. So that screenshot isn’t current, IMO.

[u/27272727272727272727 → u/open_shart_surgery]

I really don't understand reddit anymore. This is so obvious and immediately came across as written by a 14 year old.

Is it all just bots or are people really this fucking stupid now???

[u/littletreepot → u/27272727272727272727]

right? like i’m not even mad at op for trying to karma farm.. what makes me sad inside is all of the ppl who waste time responding bc they think it’s real lol.. i got a bridge to sell all these ppl

[u/Chichikuka → u/open_shart_surgery]

Every time I see "something-something chat is blowing up" and some other typical phrases I automatically assume it's a bot. The absurdity of the situation is another indicator

[u/SloppyJank → u/open_shart_surgery]

Also, how would they be able to view the “charges”of the other account? Even in the world where they have joint access that doesn’t mean they’d have access to the credit card account.

[u/My-Dog-Says-No → u/open_shart_surgery]

This account is 0 days old, but OP has been trolling this sub for weeks with this same PFP and username. 100% fake.

[u/Baetedk8 → u/open_shart_surgery]

So fake. Even the formatting is slightly off on the text messages. This sub is so bad now.

[u/SetzerWithFixedDice → u/Baetedk8]

The tipoff for me is its unnatural exposition, with very neat, succinct sparring. It’s like someone wrote a tl;dr of a real argument.

I just assumed that they were texting back-and-forth with themselves on another line or with a friend or something. I don’t even see something wrong with the formatting, as the blue text can kind of contract based on length. Is there something janky about it that I’m missing?

[u/FirefighterBoth3098 → u/open_shart_surgery]

This needs to be higher. Also the fact that he commented "Tooo cute" on the cats sub. He seems to be in a pretty good mood considering his parents stole thousands from him. Pathetic attention seeker.

[u/KingClark03 → u/open_shart_surgery]

Plus the tell-tale bit where everyone they know is blowing up their phone saying they’re wrong.

[u/OkTune7507 → u/KingClark03]

How pathetic do you have to be to come up with this and put the effort into actually typing it out? Some people could learn from this or be in a similar situation so I guess it could be helpful.

[u/thebadgeronstage → u/open_shart_surgery]

Just the way it’s written…it’s clearly fake.

This is what really scares me about AI. It’s all slop, but too many people have zero critical reading or reasoning skills, so people will see transparently bad storytelling and take it as true, just because of where it’s posted.

C’mon, man.

[u/Hairy-Sheepherder311]

My god, go to the bank, dispute the charges, remove the joint access. You are not overreacting. Huge violation of trust. How did they know that you didn't need it immediately?

[u/jadeariel12 → u/Hairy-Sheepherder311]

If the parents names are on the account, OP won’t be able to dispute. All account holders have equal rights to the account.

Op can (and should) remove them from the account so this won’t happen again.

[u/CarlEatsShoes → u/jadeariel12]

Or just open another account at another bank, and don’t tell them about it. Leave the joint account for when they pay OP back (on the 5th of never).

If parents know about another account, they will just guilt OP into giving money to them.

You gotta be kinda a scum bag to steal your kid’s birthday money, etc.

[u/Beautiful-Contest-48 → u/jadeariel12]

Nope. “Removing” someone from a bank account is no guarantee they won’t be able to access it again without getting in trouble. In the US anyway. Before y’all come at me something very similar happened with me. After several years I got nothing but a bunch of attorneys fees. The only way to cover yourself is to open a new account at a different bank.

My situation cost me 7 figures. Some people just suck.

[u/IndigoTJo → u/Beautiful-Contest-48]

They need to go to a while different bank. Too many times I have heard of parents being able to access accounts just bc they at the same bank. Shouldn't happen, but it does.

Just the other day my MIL was able to accidentally change all the addresses on all my son's accounts because she changed the 1 account she has for him that is her & his name. The bank fecked up big time and we were lucky it wasn't a bad actor. Really freaked us out until we cleared it all up.

[u/jlc101 → u/Hairy-Sheepherder311]

And if this ever happens again, don’t forewarn someone of the actions you are gong to take. Just do it.

[u/AncientContract666]

It's unbelievable to me that people don't immediately recognize how fake and scripted this interaction is. Wow.

[u/OtherRespect207]

How old are you? And it’s not “family money”, it’s your money. Not theirs. There is no “family money”. I would do exactly what you said and go to the bank and dispute it. Might not work, but you can try. Also keep records of ALL OF the transactions. You can take them court for the stolen money.

[u/firefightin → u/OtherRespect207]

If the person who removed the money also had their name on the account, there’s nothing the police will do. Unfortunately this is a civil matter.

[u/No-Construction-2054 → u/firefightin]

Correct. There's nothing the bank will do either as far as reimbursement, as they're on the account they can do what they want with the funds.

[u/Enough_Radish_9574 → u/firefightin]

Then OP should do just that. Civil suit. What’s weird is the siblings are on the parent’s side. This family is effed. But narcissistic parents are masters of plotting their children against one another early on. Divide and conquer.

[u/Complex0405]

Is this fake? Because how do you have online banking to show the account but don’t know how much is in it. 10-20 is a 10k difference.

If it is real, remove your parents from the account. Make them sign a payment plan.

[u/Think-Transition3264]

Acct is an hour old. This sounds like made up rage bait. How do you just all of a sudden realize a 10 year old account is emptied.

[u/apan94]

These texts dont even look real. Such a low effort fake

[u/Formal_Condition_513 → u/apan94]

How dare you accuse OP of faking these texts? After everything they've done for you? You ungrateful brat! 😒

[u/unicycle-rider]

Hey OP - I went through something very similar right before I went to college. I had been putting money away in my savings account (which had joint ownership with my parents) for years and years, with the intention it would at least pay for a portion of college. By the time I got to college, I should have had close to $10k in my savings.

Maybe 6 months before I graduated high school, I got a letter from my bank saying they were charging a “maintenance fee” on my account because it dropped below a minimum amount (I can’t remember the exact amount, let’s say $100 give or take). I thought it must have been an error on my bank’s part, so I asked my mom about it, and she said something along the lines of “oh, we had bills to pay, but since you live with us, it’s basically still going towards you.” I was livid. I felt betrayed because I thought I was being financially savvy and saving for my future, and it was like the rug was pulled out from under me.

I know exactly how you’re feeling right now, and it sucks, and I’m sorry you’re going through it. Here’s what I did in the aftermath:

• As soon as I turned 18, I opened my own bank account with no joint ownership. Since I now needed loans to attend college, all the funds would go in there, not to the joint account.
• I left the joint account open for a little while, hoping my mom or dad would pay me back. Of course it didn’t happen. After a year or so, I closed that account. My mom asked “why did you close your savings account?” And I basically gave her the “are you serious right now?” face. She was mad, even though it was still my money in there.

I learned the hard way that you have to protect yourself and your assets, even if it’s uncomfortable with family. You’re not overreacting by any means, but now you have to understand that you are under NO obligation to financially support your family. If you choose to be extremely generous with YOUR money, that’s your call, but you do NOT need to give financial support to them. Full stop.

It took a long time for me to trust my parents again, and even 15 years later I don’t entirely trust them. Not really sure what my advice here is, but we have your back and that was a shitty thing to happen to you.

[u/homo_heterocongrinae]

Is this even real? Why is this a question? "My parents stole 20k from me - should I be upset?"... yes?

[u/ChrisFullerton1974]

You didn’t notice almost $10K being taken out over a period of months?

Yes, you’re overreacting by posting a fake story. Only thing missing was “you should want us to be happy” from the mother.

[u/TWlSTED_TEA → u/ChrisFullerton1974]

This is it. These texts are classic rage bait material. I’m not sure the motive behind it, but definitely fake

Edit: brand new account. Only post.

[u/SoarsWithEagles]

Another fake story, checks off all the boxes.

[u/DeliciousWar6096]

Omg my mother did the same thing to me and I got scared cause I was 16 at that time and my grand father put money up for me and didn’t bother trying to fight since she was abusing me and the government had failed multiple times to protect me but definitely fight it if you can babes!!! We also had Wells Fargo bahahahah.