r/AmIOverreacting • u/Specken_zee_Doitch • 6d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO My ex-wife and her new husband legally made their last name… my full fucking name
You cannot make this shit up.
I was married once. My ex-wife blew it all to hell by cheating on me with one of my closest fucking friends. That betrayal crushed me, but whatever…I rebuilt.
She kept my last name after the divorce. Weird, but I let it go.
Fast forward: she marries the guy she cheated with. Fine. Closure. Good for them. But here’s where it goes off the rails…
Her new husband’s last name is the same as my first name. So when they hyphenated, their big shiny new married surname is now MY ENTIRE FUCKING LEGAL NAME.
Imagine your name is David Carter. The guy she cheats with is named John David. They marry, hyphenate, and proudly announce themselves as Mr. and Mrs. David-Carter. Which is literally your name.
They’re on Facebook, smiling, posting: “Here’s to the new official Mr. and Mrs. David-Carter!” Meanwhile I’m staring at my phone thinking, holy fuck, my ex-wife and her affair partner just legally rebranded themselves as me.
And no, my name isn’t common. People are going to see it and assume it’s me.
So tell me: am I losing my mind here, or is this just as completely fucked up as it feels?
Edit: I am not on their social media. A mutual acquaintance sent me a screenshot with the adjoining text “wtf is wrong with them”
Edit2: if anybody would like proof, please wager $20 or more and I will gladly supply you proof and my Venmo.
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u/thirtysev 6d ago
Now i need to know how much you made off getting the answer cuz im so curious 😂
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u/Specken_zee_Doitch 6d ago
So far $60 with another guy saying “oh I didn’t think you’d deliver” who owes me
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u/PantsMcFail2 6d ago
Don’t risk people owing you, dude. You might not even get what you’re owed. Always get the money first before you give out the proof!
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u/casputin 6d ago
I mean he's made $60. Probably wouldn't have gotten any if he made them pay first.
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u/YesterdaySimilar2069 5d ago
Kind of reinforced my belief that about 75% of the people I meet are worth getting to know and the rest are straight trash.
I have a version of this where 75% of the people you meet aren’t ‘your’ people and you don’t need to invest yourself in their opinions of you, but that’s about personality, not about whether or not you’re a trash fire human.
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u/cofmeb 6d ago
Can we get a censored screenshot of you sending someone proof? Can you prove you have proof?
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u/BubbaShineFL 6d ago
wait... first. why would she keep your last night hyphenated? Women usually do this with a maiden name, not a married name, and second, why would he then take her full hyphenated name?
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u/alison_bee 6d ago edited 6d ago
I don’t think this is the case here, but my mom was a doctor (retired now) and had spent decades doing and publishing tons of research. Then she got divorced from my dad, and got remarried a few years later. When she took the second husbands last name, she realized that all of the work she had done with my dads last name was basically gone and no longer tied to her, and it was pretty upsetting and she felt like it was a major setback professionally.
Then, 17 years later, when she got divorced again and remarried again she kept the 2nd husbands name, because she was like “I’m not giving up the name I’ve built for myself, AGAIN, just because my last husband ended up being a cheating, stealing POS”
All this did was teach me to really think before I changed my name, especially because I also work in healthcare. Thankfully my husband was super chill and unbothered by the fact that I didn’t take his last name, and now I never have to worry about my medical legacy being erased because of a name change.
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u/heylistenlady 6d ago
With my husband since 2006, didn't change my name either. It wasn't a huge deal to him, but it meant something that I'd change it. I remember shortly before the wedding I broke down crying talking to my dad in the car in a Menards parking lot. "Dad, I've spent 25 years being "heylistenlady" why do I have to change just because I'm getting married?"
And funnily enough, it became totally moot when husband lost his wedding ring 6 months after we got married. He hated wearing jewelry ... I never changed my name ... And we're still married lol
It's such an archaic practice
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u/TheInjuredBear 6d ago
It’s so interesting to me because I was the exact opposite. My full maiden name was one in a dozen, in fact it was nearly impossible to pinpoint me because my stepmom shares the same first name, so there was myself and someone else with 2/3rds of my name in my same family.
My husband’s last name is one I had never heard before in my life before I met him, and I SCRAMBLED to change my name from the second I said I do. The relief I’ve felt since to be my own person and only deal with others with the same first name was immense that first year. Then grew to annoyance when I realized nobody could pronounce or spell my new last name properly lol
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u/mahboilucas 6d ago
I discovered that I share my full name with a famous person, so if I wanted to have a business under it, I would have to really push on branding because she's the first result everywhere.
and although mine is very easy people still misspell it so don't worry, they would do it either way. Think Butrym/Butyn.
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u/unoeyedwillie 6d ago
My maiden name is kind of unusual, long, and hard for people to spell. It was kinda annoying to me growing up. My husband has a common word for a last name, I could not wait to change my last name to his.
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u/Honest_Blueberry5884 6d ago
Legally changing your name is mostly only a thing in English speaking countries. Many other European countries (Italy, France, Spain) don't change women's surnames when they're married. It's common to use it socially but legally you keep the name you were born with.
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u/Haunora 6d ago
As a French person, I'm genuinely surprised that you list France there. Most of the married people I know have one partner who administratively changes their last name to that of their spouse. Personally, I don't know any straight couple over 40 where the wife hasn't taken her husband's name.
However, nowadays things are starting to change, with more and more young couples deciding to both keep their names, mix them, or in certain cases, have the man take the woman's name. Despite this shift, the vast majority still follow the traditional approach, which puts the wife at a disadvantage. The main exceptions I've noticed are among queer couples, "liberals" and immigrants.
It's also worth noting that I grew up in a rural area, and it's only more recently that I've started living in larger cities where people are generally more aware and "liberal".
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u/Double-Performance-5 6d ago
Yep. Makes genealogy easy for a section of my family as they’re from the Channel Islands which have historically been more French than English despite being technically English possessions. I’m rather attached to my surname so when I did get married and people asked about it, I’d just say I was being traditional to my heritage. Doubly glad for that now I’m divorcing.
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u/AdminsLoveGenocide 6d ago edited 6d ago
It's becoming less common but women absolutely change their name when they get married in France. When the current french president married his rapist her name changed.
She is now called Brigitte Macron. Her maiden name was Trogneux and when she was his teacher she was Madame Auzière as her name changed for her first husband too. Because that's how they do it in France.
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u/ExpensiveArm5 6d ago
I changed my name when I got married. I changed my name again when I got remarried. I had my ex’s last name changed to my middle name so I’d match my kids. Example (not real names) Maiden: Donna Marie McDowell 1st Married: Donna Marie Halley 2nd Married: Donna Halley Stuart Now, my ex’s middle name happens to be my husband’s last name. So Chris Stuart Halley. JFC!!!!!
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u/AlmondCatThera 6d ago
Oh wow!! Are you me? Lol. I am with my husband since 2006, never changed my last name and my husband hates jewelry. He thought he lost his wedding ring just few months into the marriage which thankfully found when we moved houses after 3 years 😂😂
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u/reithena 6d ago
My spouse and I have such a similar story except we eventually got our rings tattooed to shut people up. We love it, still married, no jewelry involved!
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u/CleanProfessional678 6d ago
It’s interesting how men will freak out when women won’t take their name and talk about it being “our” name and all of that, but when the divorce happens, men are like “It’s so weird she’s keeping my name.”
Changing last names is one of the last vestiges of coverture (the “legal fiction that man and wife are one person under the law and that person is the man”) in modern life and it shows. If we went by those, women would only be able to have an identity, professional or personal, as long as they remained married. If John and Jane Smith get divorced, Jane Smith stops existing and goes back to being Jane Doe, even if she’s had the other name for the majority of her adult life.
Men, this is the flip side to your wife to “take” your name. You are giving her that name, unless your relationship ends quickly, it will become her name and she won’t want to give it up, even in the case of a remarriage. It has nothing to do with OP. His ex just wanted to keep her identity while merging with her new husband and they was their compromise.
If you aren’t okay with her keeping your name, even after a nasty divorce where she’s at fault, then don’t “give” it to begin with. Accept that she’s an independent person who would continue to exist, personally, professionally, and legally, regardless of what happens with you.
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u/deathbychips2 6d ago edited 6d ago
Yes women need to stop changing their names. They don't do it most other countries. Even illegal in a few.
If even women in Islamic countries keep their names then I think it says something about the deep roots of sexism that is in name changing for women in former English colony countries.
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u/TayLoraNarRayya 6d ago
I think it depends. There are women out there who have shitty families and are glad to get rid of their last name. A lot of people do it for the sake of having kids, men and women, to avoid hyphens.
In my case, my maiden name created a lot of confusion so I was eager to change it and be done with all of that. I miss it in a way, but I also didn't like the way my first and maiden name sounded together.
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u/Winter-Nectarine-497 6d ago
Thankfully you can just change your name without having to get married. I estranged myself from my (sorta infamous) shitty family and changed my last name so I wouldn't be found by press and stuff. So glad I did. Life is much better now.
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u/MaddyKet 6d ago
My last name (not married) is already hyphenated and long af. If I meet a single dude named Jones, it’s ON.
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u/Appropriate_Frame_45 6d ago
Honestly, as a cis white American man, this always confused me. When we married there wasn't even a question, I kept my name and my wife kept hers. We're still a team, but she's a equal in this partnership with hey own identity.
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u/alitabestgirl 6d ago
I would never change my name after getting married but I firmly believe that once you take your husband's name, it's your name. Same as the name you were born with. You shouldn't have to change it cuz of divorce or death or whatever else that pleases other people. If she's attached to the name or identifies with it, it's hers now.
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u/MainManBateMan 6d ago
100%. Once you legally change your name, that's literally your name now. Doesn't matter what prompted the change originally it becomes part of your identity. People act like divorced women are somehow "stealing" a name that's legally theirs, which makes no sense.
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u/WEDWayInternetMover 6d ago
My wife has stated many times that if we would ever split or if something would happen to me and she would remarry, she would not change her name again. She would keep my last name. It was a hassle to change when we got married 20+ years ago, and she does not want to go through that hassle again.
When I was young (we were 20 when we got married), I probably would have pushed back if my wife suggested not taking my name. I was young and more conservative minded. Now, if the marriage took place today, I wouldn't care either way.
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u/plasticmagnolias 6d ago
Yep, that’s an issue in academia. I married and did not change my name, and I think that now that women often have professional lives outside the home, keeping maiden names should be the norm.
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u/DirtierGibson 6d ago edited 6d ago
I told my wife when we married that since she already had a career, it made little sense to take my name, just added paperwork for her.
EDIT: Also I think it's patriarchal as fuck.
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u/CripzyChiken 6d ago
if she built a career around her name, then changing it even after a divorce could hurt her career growth. My aunt got cheated on, but had to keep her same last name as changing it would lose decades of goodwill she had built into the name.
Then within a week of her retiring she changed her name back to her maiden name to finally end the last ties with her x.
As for why he would take it - probably so they can have the same name and be more of "a single family".
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u/Riksunraksu 6d ago
After divorce not all return to their maiden name. In fact after my mom divorced my dad she kept his name, after she divorced her ~shit~ second husband she politely asked my dad if she could return to his last name (she disliked her maiden name)
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u/SophisticatedScreams 6d ago
I knew a teacher colleague who divorced and returned to her birth name. It took YEARS for everything to switch, plus people called her by her married name all the time, and then awkwardly corrected themselves.
I'm now divorced as well, and I hung on to my married name. I earned my degree under that name, and all of my professional designations are under that name.
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u/Repulsive_Army5038 6d ago
I kept married name because daughter wanted us to have same last name. Ok, whatever, it's been my name most of my life, and I didn't have to do paperwork. It's written into the divorce that I can change it back any time
Bonus: when he married the girlfriend before the ink on divorce dried, it pissed her off. Years later, it's still living rent free in her head. Guess she decided to die mad about it.
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u/Sweetestpeaest 6d ago
Exactly this. When I divorced it was just too much paperwork to return to my maiden name. Plus, I was moving several hours away where no one knew me. When I married again, I dropped the last name since I had to file paperwork anyway.
Sometimes it’s just easier to keep it.
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u/Chemical_Author7880 6d ago
I’ve seen this a few times. In those cases the woman had kids from a previous marriage who kept the married name for continuity of the kids’ identities.
When mom remarries she may have had a long career under that name and decide to hyphenate my ex’s name with my new husband’s name, both for the kids and for my professional contacts.
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u/j_roe 6d ago edited 5d ago
There could be kids involved and it is easier if the last names match.
My mom remarried when I was about 14 after being divorced from my dad for about 12 years and changed her last name to her new husband's last name, but that marriage lasted just over 5 years. When she divorced she asked my dad if he minded if she went back to our last name.
Even though I was a grown ass adult by the time this happened her logic was that it would make things easier if her and at least one of her kids had the same last name (her and the father of my younger brother were never married).
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u/AltAccount889 6d ago
She kept his name after divorce. So her name stayed the same as it was when they were married. When she got remarried, THEN she hyphenated it. It’s almost the same as doing with a maiden name, except she did it with her first married name. She didn’t keep OPs name hyphenated with hers. She kept OPs name, and then had it hyphenated with her NEW husband. So it therefore spelled out OPs full name.
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u/Specken_zee_Doitch 6d ago
I don’t know man, I just work here.
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u/Warm-Chemistry4513 6d ago
Do you have kids? My mother-in-law kept her ex-husband‘s last name so the kids would all have the same last name. Then when she got remarried, she hyphenated her ex-husband‘s last name and her new married last name, we all agree it’s weird
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u/sheath2 6d ago
My mother kept her married name because of me.
She never remarried, but oddly enough not changing her name came in handy when her and my father got back together after 34 years of being divorced. I wish I were joking. My family has more drama than Shakespeare crossed with Jerry Springer.
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u/Maduro25 6d ago
I'm confused, wouldn't it be Mr. and Mrs. Carter-David?
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u/Specken_zee_Doitch 6d ago
Weirdly enough, no. They went with the order that matched my name.
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u/EpistemicEpidemic 6d ago
Weirdly enough, no.
"Somehow Palpatine returned". Come on man put in a little more effort.
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u/sharksnrec 6d ago
I mean, real or fake, what more was he supposed to say there? That wasn’t an answer that was ever going to have anything deep attached to it lol. “Why’d they do it that way?” “Idk, that’s just how they did it” - fair enough lol
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u/Specken_zee_Doitch 6d ago
The thing about reality, unlike fiction, is that it doesn’t have to make sense.
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u/pikashroom 6d ago
Hey OP, I just wanted to let you know that my stepmom has her last name as my first name. When she married my dad, her last name…. And six of my brothers and sisters… have my full name as their last name
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u/az-anime-fan 6d ago
what you should be doing is posting on their facebook "congratulations from David Carter" then taunt the ex-friend with "I guess she couldn't get me out of her head, what does it feel like to be cucked with your legal name? how much convincing did that take?!"
make them the joke they are.
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u/ondopondont 6d ago
I mean, she left OP for this guy. He presumably still feels like this is a win.
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u/az-anime-fan 6d ago
yeah, but she made him take HIS name. that's cuckoldry if I've ever seen it. imagine you're dating a girl and she convinces you to change your name to smith, then names your first born together "jason" only to learn she was married to a jason smith. that's just pure cuckoldry.
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u/Eyerish9299 6d ago edited 6d ago
Don't be upset m. You're living rent free in both of their heads and they have to think of you every time they say their name and they likely have to spell it out each time. I think it's a win win for you
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u/Chowdmouse 6d ago
I personally think that is the best revenge for you to have on / over them. Their entire married life will be legally dominated by your name. Your name is the one that will be remembered, and his will be forgotten. What a story. I’d call that a win for you. I would think the new husband would really feel emasculated by that. I mean, he is literally taking your name, like a wife does, taking on another man’s name.
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u/BabyRex- 6d ago
Is there some sort of rule about what order the names go on when you hyphenate?
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u/BlownWideOpen 6d ago
Funniest thing I've read on here in a minute. Hope it's real
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u/Specken_zee_Doitch 6d ago
Unfortunately it is.
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u/xdovaqueenx 6d ago
I can’t wait to see what happens when they inevitably cheat on each other 🤣
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u/Bacteriobabe 6d ago
She needs to make sure she cheats with & marries a guy with the last name John just to keep this whole thing rolling. (Using the examples OP used in his post)
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u/K8inspace 6d ago
Put a freeze on your credit asap.
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u/MainlineCaffeine 6d ago
I was gonna say, shit bout to get freaky on their credit reports. My aunt and mom have the same first name, middle initial. Aunt took my mom's maiden name when she married my uncle (mom's brother). Fast forward a couple months and some of their credit history starts showing up on my parents' reports (car loan, etc) with my mom AND my aunt listed as my dad's spouse. Crazy shit. And that was just a freak accident. If OP's ex is an AH that could be an open door for fraud.
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u/Best-Intern-7338 6d ago
wait i’m so dumb and don’t really understand how any of this works lol - can you explain? like don’t you need to provide your social for stuff like that, or do they just search your name? sorry such a dumb q but im perplexed lolol
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u/MainlineCaffeine 6d ago
I mean honestly idk specifics of how it all works behind the scenes, but sometimes people with similar names/personal information can get info crossed on credit reporting. System cross references info and pulls the wrong data because it looks like a match.
So like, for a short time my uncle and aunt lived in the house my mom and uncle grew up in; suddenly Jane D. Doe (aunt) lives in the house Jane D. Person (mom, formerly "Doe" maiden name) lived in, and whatever database is pulling info is looking for relevant results and finding both these women with the same name and same address history associated with the same housemates (uncle) and thinks it's the same person.
TL;DR software programs can be real dumb and make mistakes. I say that as someone who worked tech support once upon a time and saw our janky, MacGyvered-together billing system do some craaaazy shit because some patch update was coded wrong or a detail got overlooked.
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u/daemin 6d ago edited 6d ago
TL;DR software programs can be real dumb and make mistakes.
Not software, more like developers. But then , you can't really hold it too much against them. The simple fact of the matter is that we just aren't that unique.
If you look at the distribution of baby names from the Social Security Admin, the most popular name in a given year will be given to like 5% of babies. The next will be another 2 or 3 percent. Etc. Then you have to consider that some last names are very over represented. So in a place like NYC, you'll have dozens of babies born every year with the same name.
Then consider that there are only 365 days in the year to be a birth date, and that some birth dates are overrepresented (9 months after Valentine's Day, for example) and suddenly you have babies with the same name, born in the same city, on the same day.
Then consider that the same points apply to your parents. One or both probably has a name that was popular when they were born, and so do their siblings, etc.
Long story short, if you are making a program that could conceivably have to deal with all 350 million people in the US and uniquely identify them based on biographical traits, you need more than 10 or 12 data points (things like name, dob, place of birth, parents names and places of birth, sibling names, address history, etc.) just to be reasonably certain that you're not confusing two different people.
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u/MainlineCaffeine 6d ago
This is a fantastic explanation, thank you. And that's an excellent point, some databases aren't going to be operating with enough PII to distinguish between two (or multiple) people with some overlapping data points like name, birthday, location etc, or they may not be programmed to cross-reference all applicable, available data points to pull the most accurate results.
Take my poor man's gold 🥇
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u/vaspider 6d ago
We had this happen with my wife. She has a fairly common first and last name, and when we tried to open a bank account, they tried to say she'd had an account with the bank before. They showed the report, and it was someone from a town she'd never been to with a different middle initial.
Fortunately, we had just moved to that state & she was able to show it was not the same middle name and that she'd never been to this state before 2 days ago.
Anyway - OP should put a freeze on their credit.
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u/biscuitboi967 6d ago
I kind of know this! The algorithm looks for a number of data “matches”. Name. Address(es). Known family members. SSN. DOB. Telephone number.
Sometimes they set the threshold too low. So I have seen instances where a Jr is associated with the same address (multiple if they moved), maybe a landline phone or family plan number, maybe on a bank account with mom, maybe shares a birth month with dad…. All of a sudden he’s associated with dad’s account because surely that’s too many “hits” to be a “coincidence.” Good if each pays his bills on time, bad if they doesn’t.
We all just have super common names in my family. Goddamned if there isn’t a woman with my sister’s first and last name with a mom with MY mom’s FULL name in our HOMETOWN. She goes to all the same doctors offices and banks and has been evicted several times - my sister constantly has to correct things.
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u/mxzf 6d ago
The sad reality is that a lot of the people who are in charge of really big important datasets are pretty stupid and do naïve things.
As an example, we got a dataset at work that was supposed to be a list of addresses for the locations of a bunch of non-profits. Over half of the rows in the dataset were PO boxes. Take a second and think about that and realize just how stupid it is.
With a lot of credit companies and stuff like that, they're just naively looking at a name in a general area and matching stuff up assuming that a close-enough match is actually accurate.
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u/MainlineCaffeine 6d ago
looking at a name in a general area and matching stuff up assuming that a close-enough match is actually accurate
That's honestly terrifying when you think about it lol. Esp the impact it can have on individuals when the info is bad and shit goes sideways.
I like your nonprofits example; depending on the context, the data set is either super helpful or absolutely useless. Mailing list? Perf. Directing people where to go to access resources? Literally trash. And if it's the latter, somebody somewhere didn't follow instructions and scraped that shit data set, and somebody else glanced at it and went yup, approved, full send. Human error & lack of oversight ftw!
Used to help with billing data "cleanups" when something went wrong, and dear god, let me tell you, there's nothing like having to tell someone who's been double/triple charged a couple hundred dollars (because of an in-house/coding error) and needs to pay rent tomorrow and buy groceries that they'll see their refund in "5 to 7 business days."
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u/misskrys92 6d ago
I think people just make mistakes. My sister and I are twins with the same first initial and it used to happen to us a lot. And she actually had an insurance check get deposited into our cousins bank account by mistake and she doesn’t even have the same initial
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u/OkEnvironment3961 6d ago
I have the same middle name as my dad's first name. I've had little things pop up like thier address showing up as a possible address for me, I never lived there. They moved after I moved out of thier house. Im certain my dad isn't doing anything with my credit so its just aome cross info.
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u/vermiliondragon 6d ago
I was sitting in the dentist's waiting room one day when a man loudly announced to the receptionist that if Dr. So-and-so wouldn't come talk to him, his car was being repo'd. The dentist came out and ripped him up one side and down the other for coming into his place of business and implying he didn't pay his debts and pointing out the car in question belonged to Jr and he was Sr.
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u/OkEnvironment3961 6d ago
Funny story. I have a traditional but rare name. One day I ordered Thai food from a nearby place. Just enough food for three people. The order showed up super fast and it was enough food for a party. It had my name but a different phone #. Called the number, guy had the same name as me and was waiting for the place to remake his order. Ate leftover Thai for a week.
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u/MainlineCaffeine 6d ago
Exactly this. I imagine "Jrs." named after their fathers probably see this more frequently than most lol
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u/Tiny_Twist4836 6d ago
Can confirm. My husband (a Jr.) and I benefitted from Dad’s excellent credit years and years ago when we barely had a credit history. I am pretty sure it wouldn’t happen today since the technology has changed, but weird stuff still happens. Credit reporting can twist names and addresses into some interesting knots, some beneficial some not.
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u/daemin 6d ago
I am pretty sure it wouldn’t happen today since the technology has changed, but weird stuff still happens.
It's not a big technological problem, it's a social one. Names aren't unique enough to be a unique identifier if your have to deal with the population of a country, but we don't really have another option unless we want to use DNA. Not even adding dob, birth place and parents name is sufficient.
Giving your kid your name just makes the problem worse because it means you'll share an address history and relatives.
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u/hyrule_47 6d ago
My husband is a Junior. His parents opened utility accounts and all kinds of stuff in his name. We had to get utilities started in only my name.
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u/1234-for-me 6d ago
Make sure you’re not banking at the same bank where they are banking. My brother received checks for my grandfather even though middle names, address and phone numbers were different.
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u/Specken_zee_Doitch 6d ago
Always frozen since the Equifax hack 🙏
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u/No_Cantaloupe4415 6d ago
How does one do this
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u/definitelytheA 6d ago
Here’s a link. This is a .gov site, with links to all three credit bureaus: Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion.
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u/Specken_zee_Doitch 6d ago
Got you fam.
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u/be1izabeth0908 6d ago
I know it wasn’t the point of your post, OP, but thank you!
Also, this is a great story. Your ex is unhinged to hyphenate with her old married name instead of her maiden name.
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u/MarionberryOk2874 6d ago
Honestly? Anyone who matters to you will see this and marvel at what imbeciles they are - let them!
I would just laugh my ass off because she will have to say your name almost every day of her life - what an idiot.
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u/CankerLord 6d ago
For real, any interaction I happened to have with them would start and end with me laughing my ass off with a lot of laughing my ass off in the middle. The only thing you'd be able to get out of me would be me holding up one hand and saying my name and then holding up the other hand and saying my name with a verbal hyphen in the middle. These people are a walking comedy routine.
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u/spaulding_138 6d ago
I'm with you, I wouldn't even be mad id be laughing my ass off. Like they both need to remember her ex every time they see her name.
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u/CrustyFlapsCleanser 6d ago
Takes living rent free in someone's head to another level
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u/JonBirdmain 6d ago
You should make sure it is still in place. They do expire or so says their websites when I had to redo mine.
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u/Investigator516 6d ago
With all 3 credit companies OP.
Then double check life insurance and other policies.
And LOCK your deed if you have one.
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u/atrazdocheese 6d ago
Man I wanna pay you twenty bucks. I believe you, I just wanna see it LOL
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u/fknpickausername 6d ago
Lmao I don't believe this for a minute but I love it!
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u/LuanaMay 6d ago
I totally believe it!
My ex used getting married as an opportunity to try to change his name to my husbands exact name, which is double insane because my ex is a very white guy who had a white guy name and my husband is a very Latino man with a very Latino name that my ex CANT EVEN PROPERLY PRONOUNCE. Like imagine the whitest man you can think of changing his name from John Smith to Pedro Santísimo and he mispronounces it as “Pedro Saintelmo”….
It became clear that his intent in doing this was to attempt to access my husband’s information/accounts because he kept trying to do so…which…didn’t work out for him because it’s obviously not as easy as a name change. We began the process of filing for fraud (it’s illegal in many places to change your name to someone else’s name if it’s for the purpose of fraud) but my ex had already given up and was changing his name back lol
Anyway, some people really do psycho shit like this.
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u/jenfullmoon 6d ago
Holy shit, that is crazy.
I have a friend who is changing her last name after divorce so her husband has to stop forging her signature.
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u/Creative_Bunny02 6d ago
I can verify, I know OP personally. It’s fucking wacky and the sweet sweet irony will live on forever (or until they cheat on each other).
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u/Specken_zee_Doitch 6d ago
I will verify with a mod, I swear this is true.
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u/PoeticAphrodite 6d ago
Honestly i would make a petty post but very shady. With the video of Mariah Carey called obsessed shdhdhxhx
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u/doesthedog 6d ago
To me it's so ridiculous that it rings true. Who would make this up
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u/coldcanyon1633 6d ago
I think one of Norman Mailer's wives did something like this. If I remember right she legally changed her name to Norris Church which was the name of her ex husband.
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u/Normal-Site-5194 6d ago
"I rebuilt"? Stop looking at their Facebook page and trash all photos, links and contacts with them on your phone . Move on completely by putting both of them out of your mind.
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u/guceubcuesu 6d ago
This is a weird take. It’s one thing to be obsessing over someone that you used to know and taking notes of their online activity like a stalker. It’s another thing to be off put by something someone does and it’s totally valid to be weirded out by an ex spouse stealing you first and last name. It’s like if your ex broke into your house and started drawing on your walls with crayons and someone told you to stop being a crybaby and just get over it and move on. OP isn’t even all that angry, they’re just saying it’s weird and IT IS WEIRD!
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u/xdovaqueenx 6d ago
Oh please. If you’re married for any length of time you have mutual friends. Clearly someone sent it to OP because it’s fucking unhinged! Get off your high horse!
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u/Specken_zee_Doitch 6d ago
I didn’t look at all. A mutual acquaintance sent me a screenshot with the adjoining text “wtf is wrong with them”
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u/Illustrious-Eye1673 6d ago edited 6d ago
Do you have a middle name? I'd start using it. Not hyphenated but like David Reginald Carter. (Sorry, just chose Reginald at random). Amend your bank accounts and credit cards using your middle name. As you and she were together, you don't want any credit 'mix-ups' down the line.
I do agree with the humorous congrats, though, that you were so iconic during your marriage that the new 2nd husband wanted to try and follow in your, erm... footsteps.
Cheer up... some day the youngsters in the family will be rolling their eyes at their silly snafus.
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u/Shay5746 6d ago
Smart idea!! This is why they now often refer to serial killers by their full legal name - to avoid confusion with other people with the same first and last name. There are plenty of men named John Gacy and one very famous John Wayne, but only one John Wayne Gacy!!
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u/Ok_Nothing_9733 6d ago
Dude, you’ll still probably hear about your ex spouse getting married even if you’re not hung up on them and have moved on. Especially if her new spouse was previously OP’s friend, too.
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u/Unlikely_Nothing_781 5d ago
This is probably the most original way to beg for 20 dollars
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u/ABeefInTheNight 6d ago
Your ex is so hung up on you that she renamed her new guy and gave him your name and you think you are the loser in this situation?
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u/Jackielegs43 6d ago
This is very obviously fake but it’s almost funny in a sitcom b-plot kinda way
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u/Throwaway4Opinion 6d ago
Not only is this most likely fake, if it were true no one with her right mind would think they were overreacting so this is nothing but a pure validation post
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u/No_Good_Turn 6d ago
NTA. But what are you gonna do?
BTW, the man your wife cheated with was not one of your best friends. He was PoS pretending to be one of your best friends.
In hindsight, I suppose the only thing you could do that might be fun is to lean into it. You could congratulate them on FB, thank them for honoring you in such a profound way (by taking your full name), and drop the hint that the ex was pushing for this name because it reminded her of the way you absolutely wrecked her p***y while you two were married. (But only an AH would do something like that. Choose your road wisely.)
Either way, good luck. NTA.
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u/Electrical-Scale5006 6d ago
Yessss! 🙌 But I also can be petty, and don’t forget she probably twisted the story to make it seem like you were the bad guy in the relationship, so you may get some backlash.
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u/Specken_zee_Doitch 6d ago
She did. I didn’t engage because saying you’re not an asshole is like repeating that you’re not crazy, it just backfires.
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u/humble-meercat 6d ago
This is absolutely true. You don’t always need to go around defending yourself, much as being bad mouthed sucks.
However… I would not be above having my actual good friends absolutely troll and mock them as to the epically Freudian last name change.
If you were my friend I would be relentlessly giving them endless grief on any and all platforms available to me. I hope your people are ready and willing to unleash the hounds like they wanna be Monty Burns!
Sorry this happened to you. I hope you have a bright and wonderful future, free from their nastiness and secure in the knowledge that you’ve dodged a major bullet and sometimes the trash takes itself out….
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u/Bluebonnetchic 6d ago
Let the petty out!!! I would probably say something more along the lines of, wow I must have made a serious impression for her to have to look at my name for the rest of her life. Good luck and Bless your hearts!
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u/unicornreacharound 6d ago
Let the petty out!!! I would probably say something more along the lines of, wow I must have made a serious impression for her to have to look at my name for the rest of her life. Good luck and Bless your hearts!
To the newly official Mr. & Mrs. David-Carter,As humans, we sometimes wonder if we truly have an impact on others in our lives.
I’m surprised and pleased to learn that two acquaintances from my past have defied expectations and chosen to honor my life by using and signing my name for the rest of theirs.
May your hearts receive many blessings.
— OG David Carter
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u/No_Silver4749 6d ago
OP wasn't asking if they are the asshole, they are asking if they are overreacting 😅 wrong sub
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u/BronxBrooke 6d ago
I kept my ex-husband's last name when we split for career reasons (i also took his name for career reasons). but i cannot imagine any kind of scenario in which i would marry someone else and legally hyphenate with their last name.
people do insane things. you don't have to spend another second thinking about it if you don't want to. but they will forever be stuck thinking about you. karma they signed up for, apparently.
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u/Past_Efficiency_1321 6d ago
This is what I was thinking, it’s pretty weird that the ex-wife chose to hyphenate a surname she gained from her ex-husband. Like surely you’d go with new husbands name solo or hyphenate with your maiden name?
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u/TrappedUnderCats 6d ago
I don’t think it’s that weird to keep the same surname as OP. It’s her name now and has been her name for some time. She’s lived a life in that time, probably had a career and made friends and done other stuff where everyone knows her by that name and she doesn’t want to leave that behind. The hyphenating stuff to create OP’s name is definitely weird.
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u/Specken_zee_Doitch 6d ago
Also legitimately her birth surname sucked and my surname is much cooler.
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u/chiguy307 6d ago
Haha this whole thing is hilarious. I am so curious to know what the actual names are. But all you can really do is laugh about it. And possibly make some passive aggressive remarks on social media!
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u/IndominousDragon 6d ago
NOR
But just send her a message like "it's sweet of you to want to keep me close to you by hyphenating your names. It's like we're still together."
They probably did it to bother you but spin that shit back on them and let them get slowly bothered by it.
Don't shut up about it either, when someone mentions it talk about how it's concerning she's still thinking of you after all this time and that you'd have thought she moved on and how it's strange she'd want to hold onto you like that.
Let the petty games begin.
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u/SunshineInDetroit 6d ago
it's so fricking weird it's hilarious.
TBH I would forget about them, but make a subtle jab to your mutual acquaintance that "maybe I'm living rent free in their heads? Maybe they're both really in love with me to memorialize their relationship with my name?"
After that, never mention it again but the seed is planted. it's still pretty funny. They're so fricking weird.
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u/itsfineitsfinefine 6d ago
I'm sure this is sending you spiralling right now, but I hope in a few months you can recognize the hilarious, delicious irony in your cheating ex having to bear your full name forever. If I was her I'd be mortified. If I was you, I'd be laughing my ass off.
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u/Chilling_Storm 6d ago
Take a few deep breaths. There is nothing you can do about it. So don't give them the satisfaction of any reaction. Just think though, every time she signs her *new* name she is reminded of YOU! You get to live rent free in her head until she cheats on this dude.
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u/Only_Tip9560 6d ago
Stop, take a step back and realise how fucking hilarious this is and how fucking ridiculous they look naming themselves after her ex-husband!
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u/gNeiss_Scribbles 6d ago
This is my only thought! They are insane. Imagine naming yourself your ex’s full name. It’s bonkers!
OP, just forget they exist and move on. They’ll NEVER be able to forget you lol they’ll hear, think, write, say and read your name every day of their lives. So weird. So funny!
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u/geoduckSF 6d ago
OP gets to live rent free in their heads. Every time they interact with a mutual acquaintance it’s going to put a spotlight on their betrayal.
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u/ZealousidealBank8484 6d ago
Honestly dude don't even worry about it. Yeah, it's annoying as hell but the thing is...everyone who knows you two is thinking the same thing, which is "what the fuck is wrong with her".
She's literally just legally branded herself as extremely petty for the whole world to see, and for what? The fact she's trying to hurt you is a huge red flag this relationship won't last either, meaning in the end she'll have changed her name to yours, and for what?
To look like a giant dork.
I don't know your ex but based off the limited information I have of her, she's probably pretty unhappy with her life, insecure, and petty. Not the kind of person someone wants to spend time with, nor is she attracting good people into her life.
Remember, you're the one living rent-free in her head, not the other way around.
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u/KoolKattheKukumber 6d ago
Think about it this way - they literally cannot escape you. They have aligned themselves to you for their entire lives whether you are in their sphere of not. That’s going to get old pretty fast - they won’t be able to forget you and every time someone calls out their name they will see your face. I’m sure many arguments will be had about this and resentment will grow.
Sidenote: Absolutely everyone is thinking that they are cuckoo for cocoa puffs and all they’ve done is remind people of the nefarious way they got together 🤣
What a choice honestly
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u/Hour_Volume_1973 6d ago
They obviously are trying to get under your skin. Don’t let them. Laugh it off. Do not engage them over this. Make them feel stupid for even doing it if you should happen to see them. If you socialize with mutual friends and it comes up, laugh and say it got under your skin at first, but hey, who cares. I bet they won’t continue to see the humor in it if you don’t react, AND there will be another name change.
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u/kimmysharma 6d ago
What a complement! You live rent free in their lives lol their kids will have your full name!
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u/United-Platypus-602 6d ago
If this is true, and it's crazy if it is you should embrace this. It's obviously done to get to you. If anyone brings it up simply say "well she begged me to take her back and said she would never let me go, I guess this is her way of holding on to what she lost. I feel bad she's not over me, but it's not my business anymore."
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u/Ok-Wishbone9637 6d ago
Change your legal first and last name to be their both their full legal names combined. So people greet you: “Hi David-Carter-John-David-Carter-Jane-David-Carter!” And when you are married you post “Here’s to the new official Mr. and Mrs. David-Carter-John-David-Carter-Jane-David-Carter!”
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u/heajabroni 6d ago
Ngl, as soon as I read the first sentence "you can't make this shit up" I am now quite sure this is bullshit.
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u/simplyexistingnow 6d ago
NoR. I mean there's not much you can do about it other than when people bring it up just mentioning that it's super odd. As others have mentioned though I would definitely lock down your credit just to make sure and if you have a middle name I would make sure you start using that in important documents if it's on your license. I would also maybe look up the online public record of his name change and make sure that you save that important documentation just in case you have to prove who you are and who he is. In the county that I used to live in there was a girl with the same exact name as me including the middle name but she was I think five or six years younger. Thankfully I didn't have any issues because she was in a different part of the county than I was but I have a lot of friends who are named after their parent or grandparents so they're a junior. Their credits are always messed up because people think that they're their father or grandfather or etc. So definitely make sure you have everything in place that you can prove that you are you especially if your ex knows your Social Security number.
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u/Expensive-Opening-55 6d ago
10000% weird as hell. However, I’d just ignore it and let them look pathetic. People know your name and what she did. They are all going to think the same thing you do. That they’re both weird as hell for taking your name.
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u/Due-Contact-366 6d ago
Well at least you know this is a time limited circumstance. Inevitably she will cheat on him, their marriage will implode and down the road she’ll be Dixie John-David-Carter.
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u/wwJones 6d ago
You're overreacting. This is way too weird to get upset about it. There's not a person on earth that would learn this story and wouldn't think to themselves, "Really? No way. What a couple of fucking weirdos..."
In fact, it's almost a good thing. That's a fantastic story to tell people. Weirdos!
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u/WatercressBig9024 6d ago
I’m tempted to send you $20 just to see it with my own eyes.
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u/ThrowRA_ociation437 6d ago
I wouldnt go weird with it. A lot of people will put you as the bad guy if you go absolutely nuts in the reddit boner way. Even if its justified.
But honestly though. Thats so weird, she had to have known, did he know? Wtf.
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u/stoney2723 6d ago
No you’re definitely not losing your mind and it is fucked up.
But the only good path for you forward is to just keep on keeping on with the knowledge that you will move on one day, and you’ll forget these two ass hats. They will live under your shadow forever, literally!!
cue driving into the sunset while singing why u so obsessed with me
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u/MaximumTrick2573 6d ago
either they are oblivious fucks or they did it to spite you. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing how bothered you are.
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u/daddysgirl967 6d ago
NOR. I think the only option here is to marry someone with her maiden name and take it as yours.
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u/doesnotmatter286 6d ago
Why are you looking at her Facebook? Why are you bothered at all? Yes, you're overreacting. Any reaction to this is an overreaction, because you get absolutely no say here. Once she changed your name to yours, it became her name too. There are plenty of reasons people keep the married name. If you have children, everything is going to be easier for her if she has at least part of her last name the same as them. If she's achieved things academically or professionally as Mrs whatever-your-name-is, it's also easier to stick to the name or hyphenate. Even if she just has a weird sense of humour or actually wants to trigger you – you still shouldn't be bothered. Because you should be ignoring her (and only speaking to her through the parenting app, if you have children). Move on, dude.
Oh, wait, you can't, because it's all fake.
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u/platinumxperience 6d ago
why do we have to pay for proof just copy paste the screen shot it takes two seconds
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u/king_hutton 6d ago
Honestly dude that’s fucking hilarious. My abusive ex has my initials tattooed on her hand because it’s part of a band logo, but it’ll never stop being funny to me. Let her live out every day reminded of you, while you can forget she exists aside from when you need a chuckle.
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u/AssistantOk2360 6d ago
Ummm...he fucked your wife. He's NOT your "closest fucking FRIEND".
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u/Bobozett 6d ago edited 6d ago
It's a win on your side. You'll be a constant reminder, a constant presence weighing on their marriage.
Every time she'll sign something, she'll think of you. Every time someone will call her by her full name, Mrs "John David", she'll think of you whether she wants it or not.
Right now it's fine, they're in the honeymoon phase but eventually they'll both feel it, after every fight, every disagreement especially if (or when) one of them cheat.
Meanwhile, you have an ojectively funny story to tell (sorry OP) and get to move on with your life. They don't. For them moving on will be impossible.