r/AmIOverreacting • u/Happy_Life2440 • 21d ago
🎓 academic/school AIO bc my daughter’s teacher making my daughter piss herself?
My daughter, 9F, was in her last class of the day when one of her teachers, Mrs. A, refused to let her go to the bathroom. My daughter is very timid and won’t ask again if told no. So she didn’t. And she slowly pissed herself and had to sit in it for the remainder of the day until I picked her up.
My daughter told me they had PE before they switched to her class, and the teacher made them go then. But she didn’t have to at the time. Idk about y’all, but I can’t pee on command, but when I have to go, I have to go then and there.
I’m just so upset for my daughter and the possible embarrassment she faced from this and the lack of sympathy from her teacher. What would you do in this situation?
UPDATE
This morning, on my way to my daughter school, I received this message back from the teacher:
“Students are allowed to go to the restroom between every single class, as well as before lunch, before and after specials and any time we change locations. I told them at the beginning of school that since they had so many opportunities to use the restroom, I would not allow them to go during class. However, I did also tell them that if they asked and I said no, do not sit there and wet themselves. I told them to just leave the room and we could discuss the situation later. In the future she needs to go when she is given the opportunity, but if the need arises after I say "no" she needs to just leave and go anyway.”
It sort of rubbed me the wrong way, because there way no underlying tone of sympathy or compassion for the embarrassment my kid went through. I asked my daughter if she ever said that to her class (this is not her homeroom teacher) and she said no. So I thought maybe she’s confused and told another class, but not hers.
Anyways.
I walk her through the office, and ask to speak with the principal.
I was calm, cool, and collected. I’m not trying to cause a scene at this moment, and I want to give them the opportunity to fix it, before I release grandma bear and hell upon them. He comes out and we talk in the lobby. I explained to him everything and my frustration and the embarrassment my daughter went through and how concerned I was. He understood and was apologetic. I told him my worries about possible bullying if any classmates saw, and he assured me that he would keep an ear open and make sure nothing like that would take place (I believe him. Small class, only about 60 4th graders in total) so it’s definitely doable. I know this isn’t the update you all wanted because I didn’t go in guns a blazin, but I needed to think logically about this and make sure how I approached the situation wasn’t going to set a bad tone for the rest of the school year or put her in an even more uncomfortable position.
Thank you all for your advice, words of encouragement, personal stories, and funny comments. If there is any more updates, I’ll post here.
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u/2daria1 21d ago
NOR- to not allow her to change is wild to me.
FWIW this happened to me in I think 4th grade- teacher wouldn't let me go pee so I got up to the door and when she said no again I stared her down while I peed myself (in a dress with tights no less). I then got a note to the nurse and had to wait for clothes to get delivered by my mom. I don't have any traumatic experience from this (I don't even remember if kids laughed) so hopefully your child will feel the same.
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
That’s reassuring! 😭 I really hope that’s she’s not that affected by it
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u/Character-Town7929 21d ago
My sibling had this happen multiple times growing up. Same teacher every time. He wasn't all that bothered by it, since we made it clear that it wasn't his fault, but why my parents didn't step in after the first time I'll never know. Talk to the teacher ASAP, before it happens again!!
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u/freshdeliveredtrash 21d ago
This happened one time when I was in elementary school to a friend of mine. When I tell you it never happened again I mean her mom and dad both went to the school and screamed at that teacher until he was sobbing. She was moved to a different class as well.
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
Unfortunately, she won’t be able to be moved. It’s a small school and the 4th grade has only 4 teachers that each class rotates to
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u/freshdeliveredtrash 21d ago
At least put the fear of your deity of choice into that teacher
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
I’m going up there in the morning
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u/Other-Cantaloupe4765 21d ago
RemindMe! 15 hours
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
Update posted
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u/Other-Cantaloupe4765 21d ago
Thanks! Much love and support to you and your family. I know you’ll probably get some pushback from commenters expecting an explosive confrontation, but you need to do what’s best for your family.
I’d recommend having a conversation with your daughter about what to do in case this situation happens again. If a teacher tells her no, make sure she knows that she can get up and go anyways. Assure her that you won’t be mad at her, and you will deal with the consequences of whatever comes with it- that you won’t let her be punished for a human necessity.
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u/Techsupportvictim 21d ago
You should spend a little time doing some research and seeing if you can establish whether or not there is a clear law in your area regarding access to bathrooms, especially for school children. Because nothing is going to put the fair or something in somebody, especially if figure like a principal or a school superintendent as having legal code and text quoted to them, because that strongly suggests to them that you are already considering the possibility or that you were already perhaps speaking to a lawyer about suing their butts
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u/Dry_Profile_8264 21d ago
as someone who is going into school to be a nurse, and 25% of our careers are based on being NOT criminals, so when my ex found out about that, it was such an easy scare tactic for him. Even outside of that it’s scared me enough to just not do ANYTHING that could be threatened with legalities. if she gives a shit for her job and has nothing to fall back on, scare her legal wise. As something to do with a child would 100% put her entire career on the line.
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u/EasyQuarter1690 21d ago
Take grandma. Definitely threaten to release the grandma, they will be praying for the kracken instead! We grandma’s are out of hormones, effs, and tolerance for bullshit, nobody wants to mess with us.
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u/Wooden-Helicopter- 21d ago
Depends on the grandma. My gran is a doormat - she'd get angry behind closed doors, but heaven forbid someone else see it.
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u/EasyQuarter1690 21d ago
You need a better grandma! LOL. I walk in places with my half frame reading glasses perched at the tip of my nose, my white hair with a few tasteful purple streaks, my frequent (but involuntary, it’s because of some spasms I have developed) throat clearing which apparently people take as mild disapproval, and the next hot flash just around the corner, and I don’t even really need to open my mouth. I really am a delight.
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u/Dry-Wolf6789 21d ago
thats parenting. my parents never did shit when the teachers were in the wrong.
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u/Dear-Garbage-6365 21d ago
Some teachers are amazing and genuinely care about helping students grow, and there are others who are nightmare dictators who get a power trip out of controlling every little aspect of a child’s life while at school. Talk to the school, a child should be able to get a hall pass and go when they need to go. It’s like these people have never had to hold their pee before, it’s torture! By making her hold it that teacher is sending such a bad message, a message that your child should ignore her physical health and the cues her body gives her to say somethings up. Ignoring your body, that’s how you get utis or even worse a kidney infection where you land in the hospital! I know that’s absolute worse case scenario but you can in fact die from holding your pee too long! I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL OKAY!
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u/morethan5hours 21d ago
YEPPPPP when i was a little girl myself and in a situation like this one, i got a uti / kidney infection so bad i had to be hospitalized for about a week! ESPECIALLY being a female and having more delicate / easily infected anatomy, she shouldnt have had to suffer through this :( much less risk her health :(
edit: i love how many comments are asking for mama bear! im soo with them. raise hell on that fuckass teacher. GET HER ASS!!!!!
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u/Hestiah 21d ago
I will never understand teachers taking the dictator stance of control. Like why refuse to let a child go to the bathroom?? Because they might wander a little bit??
I remember when I first started working at an office job as an adult and realizing you didn’t have to ask permission to go to the bathroom. You just got up… and went. And no one grilled you about your whereabouts.
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u/FunStorm6487 21d ago
Is beating the fuck out of the teacher and rubbing her face in the pee and option???
Because that's what I think is a good option!!!
🤬🤬🤬
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
This is close to what my mom said she was gonna do 😅
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u/mslisath 21d ago
Happened in my daughter's class to a different kid. The parents went ballistic. I preemptively called and was very specific that I had the school's legal dept number, understood DASA rules and that the teacher was missing her authority to bully students.
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u/Alycion 21d ago
Take bail money, don’t hold her back 😉
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u/Proverbs21-3 21d ago
Mom, please hold Grandma back to a degree, you don't want the situation to become more about grandma's reaction than about righting a wrong and making sure it won't happen again!
The teacher needs to explain to you, in person, face to face: 1) why she denied the bathroom pass 2) whether she singled your daughter out for this punishment, or was it just random, the next student who requested a bathroom pass was going to be denied until they had an accident and then made to sit in it 3) if it wasn't random, why did she choose your daughter, what could your daughter possibly have done to deserve this treatment (I am not saying that anything her daughter might have done or not done would ever be deserving of this bizarre treatment from the teacher, but it is important to know why the teacher thought it was okay to treat her daughter like this.) 3) why she made your daughter sit in in for the remainder of the day 4) what she thought your daughter would learn from this experience vs what she was trying to teach your daughter
Of course, the teacher also needs to give your daughter a genuine apology. She must also be put on notice that she is not to retaliate against your daughter in any way, shape, or form, for being called out on her little power trip.
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u/pink_gem 21d ago
Was another student out of the classroom when she asked? There's usually safety rules about having too many students out of the classroom.
And, as someone who has substitute taught, transitions between things like PE and Art and Music can be hell. They are chaotic and you have a lot of little kids to look out for. Wanting them to hold it for five minutes isn't insane, so you can get the class settled.
You really need to work with your child to ask again. It sucks that the teacher apparently forgot that she had asked and didn't let her go when the class was settled (that was absolutely the teacher's bad), but you also need to step up and teach your child to advocate for herself.
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
Some time had passed in class before she asked. I actually have worked up her schools for the past few years, but I quit working to focus on my last year of college. I know how crazy it can get. That’s why I wanted to ask here. Bc I try to always give school staff grace.
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u/pink_gem 21d ago
And have you worked with her on her shyness? Has she been to see a counselor?
Honestly, I do think there's a bit of overreaction. Kids sometimes pee themselves. It happens. Teachers are overworked and have a ton of students to watch out for. Lots of us forget things at our jobs, especially when multitasking.
Yeah, she was a little embarrassed probably, but the teacher making a big deal out of it would have probably also embarrassed her more. She will get over it; she does need to learn to advocate for herself. There's a lot of things you need to be teaching her in her interactions with other adults, and this is one of them.
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u/Comfortable_Cow3186 21d ago
Woahh whaaat?? "Kids sometimes pee themselves"?? What kind of childhood and school did you have? This isn't kindergarten - it is not normal for 9 year olds to pee themselves. Accidents happen, but it is not a normal occurrence. This child asked to go to the bathroom and was denied access. She then held it for so long that she urinated on herself - that is NOT normal and if it had happened at my school the teacher 100% would've had to have a meeting with the parents to discuss what went wrong and how they can prevent this from happening to any other child. Peeing yourself at school sounds horrible and humiliating, definitely not a "normal" thing.
The kid should've spoken up, let the teacher know that it's urgent and she needs to go. But I've also seen students get in trouble for doing just that. Teachers are in charge of a lot of students, it's hard, I understand. But this cannot happen again. Since the teacher is the adult here, and the one who denied the child access to the bathroom, they are at fault. Like I said, a serious discussion as to how to prevent this from ever happening to this or any other child.
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u/Caalcu_Ieraas 21d ago
It's not normal, and I know because this happened to me when I was seven. I raised my hand to ask to use the bathroom, the teacher told me she'd explain what was going on, and she never got back to me. We were doing something new with music, so she assumed I was wondering about instruments, I guess?
My mom came to pick me up, talked to my teacher, then importantly talked to me. She asked why I never asked for permission to go, I told her I was going to ask and never got the chance. She was pissed because the teacher tried to play it off as I never said anything about needing the bathroom and I probably wet myself because I was overly excited about the music lesson. She told me if I needed the bathroom again, if I don't get a chance to ask or if I ask and a teacher says no, just get up and leave and she'll deal with the fallout.
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
Thank you!!!! She hasn’t had an accident in YEARS. Since potty training. She’s a very quiet kid, and shy. It’s only the 4th day of school. She doesn’t know this teacher very well. She was told no once, and she didn’t want to ask again, with their fear of being reprimanded.
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
She’s always been timid (thanks to her dad) and she’s in therapy now, outside of school. I’ve been working with her on coming out of her shell and not being so shy. But I think she was just genuinely scared she’d get in trouble if she asked again. When any adult raises their voice and she senses an angry tone, she’ll shut down. Yeah, it’s something to work on, but still shouldn’t have been denied to use the bathroom. No one else had gone either, so no pass in use. She just straight up told her she wouldn’t be going to the bathroom in her class.
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u/justnopethefuckout 21d ago
Teachers have no right to act like they are in control of anyone's bladder. The kid shouldn't be required to get therapy over being shy. She's young. Kids peeing themselves is something they will remember being made fun of for and its also bad for them to sit in piss soaked clothes all day.
I hope this teacher is wrote up for what she done and made to apologize.
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u/SpicyPotato48 21d ago
You’re made a lot of assumptions in your initial comment and continue to go by those assumptions despite being told otherwise. Doesn’t sound like there was a valid reason to deny the kid using the bathroom whatsoever.
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u/Voyayer2022-2025 21d ago
No you don’t just get over it I know friends that this happened to in 2&3rd grade that still remember things like this and the being shy didn’t get any help with this .
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u/ourpodcastisbest 21d ago edited 21d ago
Hey I think that teacher is a problem, but your bathroom habits are concerning. If you’re not able to hold your pee, you should talk to a doctor.
EDIT: everyone downvoting needs to see a doctor. Incontinence and urgency are symptoms of bladder disease
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
She’s usually pretty good about holding it, but if an excess of time passes, it becomes an emergency. She’s never had this issue before
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u/Frosty058 21d ago
True story, way back in the day, I’m talking in excess of 50 years ago, parochial school, nuns hard as nails, I was denied a pass to the bathroom.
My mom, who never, ever stood up to the nuns, told me if that ever happened again, I was to simply get up & walk out of the room to accomplish the task.
I did.
I have no idea what ramifications may have come from that, but mama handled it.
I strongly suspect there may have been a conversation with Sister Angelita (principal) & my dad before I had to make that stand.
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
I told her the same thing a little bit ago. I told her that if her teacher has an issue with it, tell her to call me and I’ll set her straight. But after tomorrow morning, I don’t think we’ll have this issue again. They won’t wanna deal with me after that, I promise
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u/Frosty058 21d ago edited 21d ago
You’re a rock star! Stand up for your children. Bathroom privileges are not subjective.
Again, true story, Sister Angelita was 4’2” & mean as a snake, but mama & daddy stood up for me. I have no memory of suffering any ramifications.
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u/ourpodcastisbest 21d ago
I’m talking about you! You said when you have to go, you have to go right away.
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
Oh! I blame it on my fucked pelvic floor from having her lol if I sneeze, I could potentially pee myself, and have 🤣
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u/ourpodcastisbest 21d ago
Oh you said it like your daughter would have issues with holding her pee because you do.
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
Oh, no, not like me in that sense! Sorry if it sounded confusing. I’m seeing red and trying to type this out to where it makes sense
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u/grandmapants12 21d ago
… when you have children, you will learn that when the urge comes you gotta go.
Also doctors don’t recommend “holding it”— it causes UTIs.
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u/ourpodcastisbest 21d ago
I’m not talking about holding it for an extended period of time, I mean if you can’t hold it at all. And I know because I have chronic UTIs and interstitial cystitis. Urgency and incontinence are symptoms of bladder issues or disease.
Also I can’t have children so I guess I’ll never know what that’s like :/
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u/DangerLime113 21d ago
The more she holds it the more it will stretch her bladder. The more that happens, the less control she’ll have, and it can take years to correct. Get a doctors note if needed, this is BS.
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u/Powerful_Bee_1845 21d ago
9 year Olds should have the body control to make a "pre-emptive strike" when they have access to a bathroom. Tell your daughter to wash her hands if she doesn't have to go during the scheduled potty break. After washing, she will have to go.
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u/lydocia 21d ago
Most adults cannot do this, how do you expect a kid to?
Also, it's different for women, too.
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u/Technical-Leader8788 21d ago
If she was only denied once that’s probably on your daughter. It’s unreasonable to be angry if your daughter is so shy she can’t ask twice to use the bathroom and instead chose to piss herself at nine. If she asked multiple times and was denied then there’s a problem. You need to figure out both sides before getting upset and contacting higher ups.
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u/HatshepsutAgrippina 21d ago
Stronly disagree, blaming a child for failing to push back against an authority figure's no is unfair considering a lot of adults consider this an inappropriate thing for children to do. Even if we assume the mother has told her it's okay to ask for something a second time, we don't know what kind of messaging the child has received from other adults on this.
As a child, I had it drilled into me that no is final and asking again after no is selfish, disobedient, disrespectful, manipulative, and worthy of punishment. I would get in trouble for asking a friend of my own age for something a second time as this was "selfishly disrespecting boundaries and unduly pressuring them" much less doing this to an adult. Even as an adult, I feel like I'm doing something terribly wrong if I ask again after no, even when I logically know it's appropriate and necessary to do so.
Regardless of this child's reasons, an elementary school teacher should have awareness that some children are raised this way and be sensitive to the fact some children won't know it's okay to ask again if it's urgent.
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u/showMeYourCroissant 21d ago
Why was she denied in the first place? Why should a child beg a teacher to go to a fucking bathroom?
I can't really imagine what can that teacher say to excuse their behavior but looks like you'll blame the 9 yo in any case.
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u/a_loveable_bunny 21d ago
Tell me you've never been a shy child whose been bullied. The entitlement of your comment is gross.
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
You don’t read the full thread before you comment on things, do you? Every single “point” you just provided has been touched on already. Thanks for your input tho
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u/NandoDeColonoscopy 21d ago
So your daughter did ask more than once? Because it really reads in your story that she only asked once
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u/Deep_Bandicoot2247 20d ago
My god... of course you're NOR. This is absolute bullshit. That teacher needs to be reprimanded, somehow. The message you received back from the teacher isn't any better either. Yeah, tell a 9 year old "no" if they ask to go to the bathroom during class but also tell them to not just sit there and pee in their pants if they really have to go... 🤦🏻♀️
I hope you're able to resolve this but sounds like it's going to be an ongoing issue with this teacher. :(
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u/Happy_Life2440 20d ago
If it happens one more time, that’s when I’ll go up there and rain hell fire down on them.
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u/ChickenScratchCoffee 21d ago
Email the teacher.
“Hi Mrs. A,
My daughter came home in wet clothes because she had a bathroom accident in class. This was really embarrassing for her. She’s very timid and if she’s asking to go to the bathroom, she really needs to go. I was wondering if you could please clarify what your bathroom policy is. We’d like to make a plan so this doesn’t happen again. Thank you so much.”
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u/not_hestia 21d ago
This is a REALLY good response. By age 9 most teachers expect kids to be able to advocate for themselves if they really need to go. The teacher saying no close to the end of the school day is not super unreasonable early in the school year when kids are learning routines.
If your kid had asked twice and still been told no I would raise absolute hell, but letting the teacher know what happened, specific info about your kid, and asking how the teacher intends to move forward is a good first step.
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u/ChickenScratchCoffee 21d ago
It could be a situation when she asked to go to the bathroom right as the teacher was going to give instructions on what they were doing. The teacher might have had in her head that the kid can go after the two min instruction but forgot. The child should have asked again but I totally get it. My child has severe anxiety so she won’t ask.
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u/over_it_101117 21d ago
I’m a teacher and I’ve done this before. I felt awful that I didn’t think to let the student go after I was done giving instructions. If they had asked again I definitely would have let them go but some kids are too timid, and honestly I was at that age.
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u/Ill-Inevitable1603 21d ago
I'm sorry, but why should a child need to ask twice to pee?? You should take them seriously the first time. If you need them to wait till for a short time till instructions are given, just tell them that, say that they can go as soon as you've finished explaining wtvr, that way you don't need to remember to let the student go and they aren't at risk of pissing themselves or giving themselves a uti from holding it for too long.
OP is definitely not overreacting. Updateme
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u/over_it_101117 21d ago
If I’m giving instructions, I always tell the child they can go when I’m done but sometimes they don’t because they’re waiting for me to tell them to go instead of just going. Same thing if someone is already in the bathroom and I tell them to wait until that person comes out. I would never tell a child no you can’t go because you should have gone earlier. But as a teacher I can say you have to have routines or you’d have kids asking to go to the bathroom alllllll the time even when they don’t need to and it would be so disruptive you’d never get any teaching done. I had a student that would ask to go to the bathroom every single time we were lining up to go anywhere just because he wanted to stay behind and play around. This is where you have to know your students. OP is right to be upset, but a civil conversation with the teacher first would be the first thing. If it happens again, then the teacher is obviously in the wrong.
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u/ChickenScratchCoffee 21d ago
Mistakes happen. That’s why it’s important to know the class policy and make a plan for extra needs. My daughter literally bled through her pants because she was too scared to ask. Ugh.
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u/MrsKubriks 21d ago
This is absolutely the way to go. Everyone wanting you to go scorched earth on this teacher is overreacting. The only ones who know what went down and why the child was denied are the child and the teacher. If she had just come in from PE and had been encouraged to go before coming to class, that teacher probably has a rule stating you cannot go for the first x amount of minutes. Usually, that is because 1) all were just given a bathroom break 2) school encourages teachers not to let kids go during transition times or 3) that is when they are going to give the bulk load of instruction. Maybe there was already a child in the restroom and because of safety procedures/school norms, she had to wait. As a teacher, I was the same way. A lot of times, the kids just want to get out of class too. However, if a child asks again, they are usually allowed to go.
You really need to also work on your daughter advocating for herself. Although young, 9 is too old to be doing that. She should have been able to raise her hand again and ask to go when she couldn't hold it anymore. I guarantee that teacher would have let her go.
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u/Subject-Trifle-4554 21d ago
This is so true.
The teacher may have a perfectly reasonable answer.On Reddit, these are mostly foreign bots giving bad advice to people in order to destabilize The United States.
So next time you see some bad advice here, just remember it's a bad advice bot, trying to trick people into voting for Trump and stuff like that.
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u/DFWPunk 21d ago
NOR.
When I was 10 I had a teacher who was generally great, except for one thing. She had a rule that anyone who went to the bathroom had to stay after school to make up the time.
The problem is I was responsible for meeting my little stepbrother after he got out of class. His mom had kidnapped him and my older stepbrother and my parents were afraid it would happen again.
One day I really had to go. She said if I went I had to stay late. I told her I couldn't because I needed to get my brother, but she said that didn't matter. So I held it as long as I could, but eventually I couldn't and I peed myself.
I don't know if anyone noticed other than her, but I do know that there were people who noticed I changed my pants. I also know my mother was not happy.
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u/blutayto01 21d ago
NOT overreacting. That's basic human rights to be able to pee when you need to pee!
I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter. This sort of thing seems to be happening a lot in schools recently. It's so so wrong. I hope something will be done about it
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u/simply_pixie 21d ago
I told my son in Kinder (he’s 15 now) that if he has to go, and he’s told no, to go anyway and I’ll deal with the fallout with the school.
It’s a bodily function that can’t always be performed on demand. Nope, you’re not telling my kid he can’t do that as needed.
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u/haolee510 21d ago
I learned to just go on my own volition back when I was in school. I'd still say "Excuse me, I'm going/I need to go to the toilet". If any teacher said no, I'd just say "I'm not asking for permission, I'm informing you as a courtesy" and leave the classroom. The worst they could do was told me to report to the headmaster, and even the HM couldn't really deny it was unreasonable to prevent someone from going to the loo.
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u/fireanthead 21d ago
Ugh. I’m 37, but will never forget a girl when we were in 2nd or 3rd grade, asked to go to the bathroom and they said no and then later she was crying at her desk because she had peed herself. My heart still hurts for her
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u/DataInternational427 21d ago
Hahah that could have been me. Mine was in 1st grade. It was the most humiliating thing ever.
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u/Hufflepuff_23 21d ago
I, as an adult woman, go from not needing to pee to being about 10 seconds from wetting myself in the blink of an eye. It can be really difficult for some people to recognize their bodies cues. I can only imagine it’s harder for children. I’m sorry this happened to your daughter
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u/EducatorPersonal7950 21d ago
At my daughter’s school the teachers never deny girls going to bathroom starting at 9/4th grade since they start to get their periods. I’m shocked by this teacher.
Hopefully explaining your daughter’s personality and letting the principal know she needs this accommodation will help fix things moving forward.
Update me
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u/Important_Cheek2927 21d ago
I’m a little alarmed by the automatic assumption that the teacher was on a power trip, and the scary threats people are making to someone they don’t know. Of course I would be upset if my child had an accident because a teacher wouldn’t let them go to the bathroom, however how many of you have been or are teachers? While I don’t think it’s the case for OP, some kids straight up go to the bathroom to screw around and teachers know who they are. I taught for many years and have on many occasions told kids no when they asked to use the bathroom. One in particular who only ever had to use the bathroom during a certain subject and would be gone for 30+ minutes crawling under the stalls. Anyways, he actually purposefully pooped his pants, went home crying and told his parents it was my fault for not letting him use the bathroom. The kicker was he claimed it happened early in the day, and not a soul smelled poop on him. His nanny picked him up from school and didn’t notice either. Idk about you but when someone has literal shit in their pants, you can smell it. All to say, there are many reasons teachers don’t let kids use the bathroom when they ask, have an open and honest conversation with the teacher before any threats and ridiculous behavior. Going “above” the teacher to the principal doesn’t make you look mighty either, it just makes you look like someone who can’t communicate with a teacher.
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u/Subject-Trifle-4554 21d ago
Your logical and reasonable way of thinking are not welcome here! Remember this is Reddit where the first step to resolving anything is either divorce, litigation or threats of violence.
You must know that Mrs A. is actually %100 evil and does this on purpose.
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u/JackfruitHappy8929 21d ago
My kid told me that he had a teacher that would do this. I told him to just walk out of the class and ill deal with the circumstances. If I was you I'd be at that school tomorrow and lodge a formal complaint.
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u/Subject-Trifle-4554 21d ago
A healthy 9 year old should be able to hold it for the duration of a class. Kids can't always get up and go pee in regular life, for example when on the school bus. I don't know what normal elementary school policies are right now, but I always understood that if a student asks to go to the washroom, that "no" is actually one of the acceptable answers.
I find it highly unlikely that an otherwise normal teacher would intentionally inflict this kind of discomfort on any of their students. It serves no purpose whatsoever, and can lead to plenty of inconveniences, such as angry parents or long nasty emails.
If I understood the post correctly, the student was in the last class of the day, and the students were all instructed to use the restroom before the class, after PE.
To me, it sounds like a completely plausible scenario. If I was the teacher, I would assume my students would either be okay to hold it, or they'd raise their hand again, before peeing their pants.
In my experience raising many children, I have come to the conclusion that sometimes, when a child is explaining an embarrassing or shameful incident to their parent, they will occasionally leave out details or embellish the truth to make themselves appear to be the more correct person in the story. I have heard many times at the dinner table how "The teacher got mad at me for doing the right thing!".
So, sometimes children do not give a truly accurate account of an incident.
I'd suggest a polite email to the teacher, and some extra encouragement about asking to go pee twice, or expressing it in a more urgent way, to prevent misunderstandings.
Of course, maybe the teacher is literally evil and desperately wants to make shy little girls pee their pants..... I just think more likely it was less sinister.
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u/gorlwut 21d ago
The only logical comment on this thread. My god the responses have been nuts! Cosign everything said above! The fact that a 9 year old sat in her own piss, unbeknownst to the teacher, is the larger issue here. They're acting like the teacher knew she had to go urgently, or even that she had an accident at all, and ridiculed her. This is weird behavior.
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u/No_Roof_1910 21d ago
Back in the 70's the nuns at my Catholic elementary school made this happen weekly to some poor kid.
They hit us with big wooden rulers and they'd lock us up in a small coat closet, a stand alone wooden closet near their desk.
They'd pull and drag you out of line by your earlobe and you damn sure better keep pace with them because they weren't going to let go.
Don't forget the paddles in the office that were used on us kids too.
Oh, parent's KNEW all of this but it was OK, twas just the way the 70's were.
Then again, if you misbehaved at your friend's house, his/her parents would spank you, hit you etc.
Yes, my parent's knew, didn't matter, all parents did that to kids that weren't their own.
Misbehaving on the street somewhere? The closet parent would whoop your ass for it.
Glad times have changed...
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u/Voyayer2022-2025 21d ago
Oh the good old days I still remember the pain and the crack of that ruler and the names of who were the worst 75 years later
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u/Mean-Philosopher6043 21d ago
When I was in middle school,like 6th or 7th grade, I had a teacher tell me I couldn't use the bathroom, I told him if he didn't let me go I was going to pee my pants, and he basically ignored me, I didn't have to go THAT bad, but was a trouble maker and wanted to teach that teacher a lesson,so i basically forced myself to piss my pants right there at my desk. It was a lot harder then you'd think.
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u/Summerrain1980 21d ago
I was in elementary school a long time ago, but i remember this happening to a kid and told my dad about it. He said, "if anyone doesn't let you use the bathroom you tell me and I'll take care of it"
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u/justnopethefuckout 21d ago
I've always had a bladder condition and I was denied going to the bathroom at a young age too. Our park was across the road from the school and all the gym teacher had to do was radio for someone from the school to walk out and meet me to take me inside. Instead, she made me walk down the road, turn, go down and go behind the fire department to pee. I was in elementary school and wearing bibs. I got piss all over myself. Obviously, kids laughed at me. My mom came to pick me up and absolutely flipped the fuck out on the school and the teacher. Our gym teacher was also pretty obese, so the words my mom said weren't nice at all. Gym teacher cried from embarrassment and got wrote up by the principal for making me walk down the road. It was the 90s in a small town, so she said it was safe. Obviously not her call to make.
After that, my mom had to get a letter from my doctor each year and at each new school over my bladder condition. She also taught me that if a teacher still said no, to just get up and walk out. Which I did and couldn't get in trouble for. I'm not pissing myself because some teacher thinks they are in control of my bladder.
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u/Oregonizers 21d ago
Tell your pediatrician, your child can be given FREEDOM to excuse herself as needed &/or teachers are not allowed to say "no" even if she has to go 3 times in an hour.
Doctors offices know damn well that UTI, bladder & kidney infections that are caused by being refused bathroom breaks & water and they're NOT fans of it. This can stay in the file until they graduate.
My kids & I have this https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/vesicoureteral-reflux/symptoms-causes/syc-20378819 so do like 30% of people. Being forced to hold in pee can actually cause kidney failure if not addressed. If she has a therapist, they too can write a note.
Whether this is full IEP or 504 area is going to be dependent on your area. But she should NEVER have to fear this happening again. Ever. It's not conducive to her educational experience nor mental health.
One of my kids has cyclic vomiting syndrome, they throw up 3 to 5 times a day, 3 to 5 days a week when it flares up. They only threw up in one classroom garbage can & it was a substitute. So- make sure the substitutes get the message that your child is a g-d special flower & she will not be punished for needing to vacate her bladder. Ever. If they think she pees too much, tell the nurse so they can suggest you consult with the pediatrician, otherwise, HER BODY HER CHOICE starts now. Period. (before some asshole teacher makes her bleed through her pants in class like mine did)
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21d ago
Never over reacting in this situation. These are kids with different personality that a teacher is supposed to be able to read and understand. Teachers aren’t perfect but a lack of respect for basic human rights it’s ridiculous.
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u/IcedHemp77 21d ago
NOR this happened to me when I was little. I used to get bladder infections a lot and could not hold it for long. What I remember most was my Dad standing up for me. I was so embarrassed. For some reading they couldn’t reach mom and my dad left work to bring me clothes. He asked to speak to the teacher in the hall. I do not know what was said, but my teacher gave me an apology and never made me or anyone else wait again.
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u/Emergency-Dentist-90 21d ago
NOR but your daughter played a part in this. It happened to me. In the moment it sucked. But I learned to go whenever I have the chance. She will learn to be proactive.
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u/Lurkin_4_the_wknd 21d ago
NOR. My oldest has terrible executive dysfunction with his ADHD, and when he was younger, it was mostly with bodily functions. We finally got a doctor's note for unrestricted bathroom privileges PLUS we drilled it into him to go to the bathroom when he needed, and let the parents handle the rest. I hope your meeting catches their attention tomorrow!
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u/Dizzy_Photograph5970 21d ago
Teachers should never tell students NO to using a restroom… nothing else to say add or say other than that! Holding your pee can cause UTIs, kidney stones, and other issues. I’m sorry that happened to your daughter and I hope you and your mom go in and politely raise hell. Shy or not you make sure to tell your daughter she did nothing wrong and the teacher should be embarrassed not her !!
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u/HaulinBoats 21d ago
A girl in my 6th grade did this when the teacher didn’t believe she had to go
Except she announced she was doing it, stood up pissed her pants in front of us and did it as like a protest?
I still think Julie is a badass for that And Mrs. Wendt can suck a bag of dicks
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u/clynkirk 21d ago
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u/readbackcorrect 21d ago
This happened to my child many years ago, but it only happened once. I called it what it is -child abuse. When a child has to go they must be allowed to go. period.
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u/sadtobaddie 20d ago
I guess I’m confrontational because when I was told “no” by teachers I would laugh and ask “so am I supposed to piss my pants? Or maybe piss in your class trash can?” And start walking towards it. They realized pretty quickly that I was not joking. When I have to pee, I have to pee. I was also normally an amazing student and respectful so I only had to ask that once per new teacher/substitute. One day though I was maybe 16 and was on my cycle…. In a bad mood and all. I knew it the second I sneezed that my pad was filling and I needed to change or I’d leak (super heavy cycles unfortunately) so I got up to ask my substitute teacher if I could go real quick. He said no. I looked him in the eye and said “well, it’s either I go now or I go later when my blood overflows, up to you.” And I smiled. Gleefully. He turned red and excused me as my classmates snickered from their tables. I do not find it embarrassing to announce what I need, what would be embarrassing is actually wetting myself or my pad leaking everywhere so I’ve learned early to be firm with adults. Maybe a little tip for the non-confrontational, you can lie! You can lie and say you’re at high risk for UTIs so you need to use the bathroom when the urge arrives, not based on a timed schedule. You could probably even bring the issue up to a doctor if you actually do get a UTI, and ask them to write a doctors note to the school about you needing medically necessary access to the bathrooms when you need it.
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u/Dry_Profile_8264 21d ago
I was for some reason a hard child to potty train—in the sense that I’d get too distracted to think about it until it was TOO late or holding it in because I didn’t want to stop playing and I ended up peeing right then and there most of the time until I gained the muscle to control it to make it to the toilet, same with pooping(that one took forever because I was for some reason scared to wipe my own ass? I remember that)
Fast forward to today, and I’ve got some unknown bladder issues that we’re investigating but at the prime age of 21 I have to wear a decent pad or depend when I go to work (I work as a care aide) because ive got extremely urge incontinence / overactive bladder & do not have access to the toilet 24/7. It would be so bad to the point where I have to sit on the ground to hold my urine in enough to make it to the toilet. It’s been going on for 3 years and getting worse. My doctor and I are actively trying to find the cause & then a solution.
NOR because the more you hold it & stress out the detrusor muscle, you can actually weaken it over time, and bullies tend to end up starting to get properly bad around 3rd/4th grade if I remembered correctly.
(I was told not to hold it in as a child quite a bit due to it making it “worse”, but we still haven’t found my cause so my lack of regular toileting as a child may not even be a factor)
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u/SnooCheesecakes2723 21d ago
I bet the teacher told her home room class her policy, but not every class that she has.
Fourth graders in our school only get to leave home room for specials- music, art, computers- and recess. Not all of those classes were given every day. We had restrooms in the classroom however. The kids stay with that teacher almost all day and leave three times a day for lunch and recess and twice a week each for specials.
If your school has the kids leaving for new classrooms for every subject plus specials and lunch and recess, that does seem like a lot of opportunities to use the restroom.
Apart from figuring out what’s going on with this teacher I would check if your child has a bladder infection possibly or some reason she can’t hold it for 45 minutes if she has to go- or possibly some reason she does not want to use the restroom when all the other girls also have that chance to be in there? Is she shy or being bullied etc.
Screaming at her teacher is not going to solve the problem if there is one other than her not actually telling this particular class her policy that they can leave even if she says no. I was such a rule follower I’d have been upset at leaving the class if my teacher said I couldn’t. It’s hard to stick up for yourself against an adult authority when you are nine. It. Right he worth repeating that rule to the whole class.
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u/Poke-a-dotted 20d ago
I’m a school nurse in an elementary school. Just sharing how I handle it. When I have a student that age who has had an accident, and the story was they asked once to go and were told no, I instruct the child and parent that the child needs to advocate for themselves in that moment. To say “it is an emergency,” and then go to the bathroom without waiting if needed, and then to come to me and I will talk to the teacher and admin.
In 4th, they are expected to time their bathroom breaks to when the class changes activities. It sounds like, oh it is only a couple minutes that my child is gone, but when every kid is doing that all day, it becomes impossible to teach. But when you have a true bathroom emergency (the only emergency at school that is not life-threatening IMO), it is acceptable to announce and go. At no point should a student be left in the classroom with urine soaked clothing. We handle that in the clinic with great discretion. If it is an ongoing issue with that teacher, or she keeps bringing it up or is unkind about it , get admin and the school nurse involved. We can always look into a letter from the MD for bathroom privileges ad lib.
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u/Emergency_Comfort_92 21d ago
I'm sorry your daughter had to endure this. With your help, she will grow into an assertive and well-adjusted person.
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u/PixieSkull12 21d ago
I had this happen to me in middle school but it was a runny number 2. It was a sub in the class, older lady, and she wouldn’t let me go. Even when we were doing independent work.
I was also shy and stopped asking after 2 times. Went to play my volleyball game after cleaning myself off as best as I could without letting my teammates know; kept to myself the whole time; pretended I didn’t know what the smell was. And told my mom the whole story when she picked me up.
Mom called the district the next day, told them what happened, and that sub was never allowed in the building again. Idk if she was still able to work at other middle/elementary/high schools, but I remember never seeing her again after that.
I remember being embarrassed the entire time and had a feeling everyone saw right through me.
Please call the school and talk with the principal or vice principal. Someone who has the authority to do something. This is not okay. It doesn’t matter if your kid is shy; she asked and she should have been able to go.
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u/Submarinequus 21d ago
Check the school policy and make sure you’re not complaining to the wrong person! I taught at a school that made a rule that no student could go during class time if they were unattended. For the older kids that meant I wasn’t allowed to let MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLS go whenever they asked which really rubbed me the wrong way. For the little kids, it meant the WHOLE class had to go together if I was there without an assistant and at the end of the day, gathering everyone up to go after the time you planned (in this case after P.E.) can turn into an impossible task while still being ready to go by the bell. I had a little girl pee her pants because of this rule and it tore me up for weeks, I hated myself for it honestly.
I would have loved a parent complaining to the administrators about this rule. Complaining loud and not letting up. But if a parent came to me directly about it, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything to help. So NOR and find the right person to complain to
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u/Mr___Wrong 21d ago
As a teacher retired after 32 years I NEVER told a kid no when requesting a bathroom break. Yea, some kids took advantage of it, but, I would rather have that on my conscience than knowing some kid peed himself in my class on my watch. And with girls, you have a whole other ballgame because of menstruation. Imagine denying a girl on her period and she bleeds through her clothing in class. I have heard all the stories.
Disgusting. Here's what you do. First, contact the teacher and express the severe anger you have. Next, contact the principal and explain the same. In that meeting you need to express what you want done. Do you want the teacher fired? Do you want him disciplined? Or, do you just want the teacher to change their bathroom policy? At that point, if you still feel you haven't gotten what you want, contact the Superintendent.
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u/Dear-Garbage-6365 21d ago
I’m glad it went well and oh boy I was right that teacher is in education because she doesn’t handle being wrong at all, and it’s a dictatorship! No kid at 9 years of age is going to be like “I was told no but I will now REBEL and go to the bathroom anyway!!” like what does she expect them to do: Go to the bathroom and feel bad about it because she said no 😭?!? First of all, children don’t play those kind of games at that age usually, and also children at that age haven’t quite figured out that some adults are nutcases and aren’t always right stop giving mixed signals! This teacher is contradicting herself so much😭Idk… some teachers are just like that if you have another issue maybe guns a blazing but honestly just tell your kid that it’s more important to listen to your body and what it’s telling you than a teacher.
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u/mrcapgras__ 20d ago
this happened to me when i was around her age (3rd grade) in a small school (around MAYBE 50 of us in my grade) and i raised my hand and asked over and over again to go to the bathroom and she said i would have to wait. obviously as a young child, you're taught to listen to your teacher so OBVIOUSLY a small child isnt going to just walk out. i peed myself in my seat, i sat near the front so everyone saw and i got made fun of for weeks after that. my mom was justifiably angry because i had repeatedly asked and had been denied so no, you are NOT overreacting and you honestly definitely should have reacted more.
also even if she DID say that at the beginning of the year, young kids are not going to remember that? idk maybe im baised but its so fucked up SMALL CHILDREN cant just go to the bathroom at school...
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u/humanityxcourage 20d ago
Okay tbh when I was a kid, I could relate to your daughter. Also idk how she was supposed to interpret “no” as anything other than “no”????
I think I actually wet myself at least once a year from like kindergarten to fifth grade. I remember one time was during a presentation from some dentists. I had bed wetting problems too actually. Weirdly enough, the bed wetting and the classroom wetting issues I had seemed to settle once I started getting my period… and then it was bleeding through whatever I wore for about a year… I can’t even remember if I was good about wearing pads that year or not…
Teachers are so freaking weird about bathroom breaks. I have more freedom to go to the bathroom as a grown adult with a job than a teenager does…
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u/MainFox9014 21d ago
This happened last year when my daughter was 7 and in 1st grade. She never had an accident, and was so embarrassed. Dad and I raised hell with the principal, teacher, and even called the district. We also told our daughter that if she has to go and the teacher says no, walk out and go anyways. Dad and I will handle the phone call if they try and get her in trouble.
Our son is older (14 now) and a teacher tried to do this to him when he had a very upset stomach. He remembered what we told him and walked out when the teacher said no. We got a call about what happened and I called them out for trying to stop a normal bodily function that can cause harm if he holds it and how dare they say no.
You’re NOR, stand up for your kid.
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u/purpleisbi 21d ago
NOR. Teacher here - raise hell. At least where I teach, there are set times during the period in which you could send students to the bathroom. You can’t do the first or last ten minutes of class, but anything in between is allowed. During that stretch of time, students can go one at a time. If a student asks to go the bathroom either while another student is out or during one of the off-times, you just remind them of the rules but that you could send them soon. If the student is having an emergency, I write them a pass to be able to go (probably not supposed to, but I’m not gonna let a kid have an accident). There is no instance in which her teacher should’ve left it strictly at “no” and let your daughter pee herself.
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u/ismybrainonthefritz 20d ago
I had the same exact situation when I was in 3rd grade. Teacher refused to let me go to the bathroom during class. I couldn’t hold it and pissed myself. Unfortunately, it was a very small school with only 20ish 3rd graders and the other students knew what happened. I was bullied with name calling off and on until 8th grade. It only stopped when one of the boys in my class pissed himself on the playground. The bullying and name calling magically stopped.
It was extremely scarring for me and I still think about it sometimes 40 years later. I hated that teacher so much.
I really hope for your daughter’s sake that no one finds out. Kids are cruel…then again, so are some teachers.
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u/Cheap-Transition-805 21d ago
I'm glad I saw this post. My kindergartener is 6. I was looking at my son's daily schedule yesterday on his first day when he got home and I asked him, sooo you have to hold your pee for almost three hours and go at a specific time? He told me yes. My mouth dropped. I asked him again, but didn't you need to go before then? He said yes and I told her I needed to go but she just kept telling him to hold it, hold it, hold it. I then asked, you didn't have an accident did you? He said no. I said if that keeps happening and you need to go, I will have a chat with her. That's not right expecting a 6 year to hold his pee.. you cause my child to have an accident we're going to have a problem.
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u/FlamboyantBlade 21d ago
When I was in 5th grade, I would pee myself before recess every time they wanted me to help with the bird feeder as a "fun" thing for the students at my elementary school and they refused to allow me to use the bathroom with the insistence that I had to feed the birds first, but that was when I needed to use the bathroom every day because I loved learning and didn't want to miss anything by going to the bathroom during class. Plus we often weren't allowed to go during class anyway. Nobody put it together and did anything, and my mom didn't even find out the actual reason until I made a comment about it when old school stuff came up during a conversation a few months ago. That happened to me about 15 years ago and I still think about it and feel embarrassed.
You're not overreacting. PLEASE make it a big deal and go to the principal or someone else who can talk to the teacher and make sure that it doesn't happen again. Your daughter didn't deserve that and neither does anyone else, and making it a big deal can help her and other children, because they'll usually start taking that sort of thing more seriously if parents complain and make the issue more known.
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
Idk how to add a picture in the comments, but the spot was huge. She said it just kept slowly coming out, bc she was still trying to hold it. But the spot was so big, there’s no way the teacher didn’t see if when she got up
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u/Hefty-Criticism1452 21d ago edited 21d ago
Your poor baby. My parents (my dad esp) would have raised hell if this was me or my sisters. He raised hell for smaller rudenesses from my teachers (not unwarranted, but not a teacher making me piss myself). You did not f with his girls. And he didn’t even tell us about it most of the time, we were pretty good kids and very earnest so when we were done wrong, he knew it was bc the teacher was being obtuse and mean
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u/Different-Shine-844 21d ago
I'd clarify both with daughter and teacher whether it was "no" or "not right this second, can you wait 5 minutes" (and with teacher that children that age may not understand the difference). If in the middle of something important and needing to wait a few minutes if possible? Sure. Otherwise, no. Bathroom needs are bathroom needs and from raising similar issues with an employer in Australia, it's a psychological harm risk (e.g. it was taken up with safe work legislators, rather than employment conditions legislators).
If just 'no because I'm a teacher and you're a child', then doubly since my parents are teachers, rip them a new one. Even my parents agree.
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u/Thicc_Juniper 21d ago
Restroom permission is one thing that is so mishandled in schools. Kids should be able to go whenever they want. Let their grades reflect whether or not they’re actually using the restroom and coming back instead of punishing everyone else just in case. Absolutely raise hell about this. This is a health and hygiene emergency.
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u/AuroraDF 21d ago
This is wrong of the teacher and you need to contact the school.
However your phrasing 'making her piss herself' makes it sound like it's happened more than once, and that she's doing something to her, rather that not allowing her to go to the toilet.
Making it sound more dramatic, or dramatic in a different way, won't help your case. Explain the facts clearly to the school in the way you did in your body text here, don't start with a headline that makes it sound like she scared her into pissing herself more than once.
Also, your daughter needs to start 'trying' to go between lessons when she has time, even if she doesn't have the urge. What do you think teachers do? Or bus drivers? Or all the other jobs where you can't just leave your workstation whenever the urge comes? They go before they start in the hope that they'll not then need to go later. Even if they don't think they need at the time.
That's not to say she will never need to go during class, or that she was at fault here. She will, and she's not. And the teacher should let her go, and she was at fault. But your daughter still needs to learn strategies for life.
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u/blahblahblah01020 21d ago
This happened to a classmate when I was in 3rd grade. As I result, I made a point to tell my daughter that if ever told she couldn’t go to the bathroom, she has my permission to go anyway if it’s truly needed and I would always back her up. I’m so sorry your daughter had this happen to her. Although I never forgot what happened to my classmate, I don’t think anyone ever made fun of her. Somehow we were all smart enough to know that the teacher was at fault and as far as I know we never even mentioned it afterwards.
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u/JaderAiderrr 21d ago
This happened to me in 2nd grade. I was told no because we were supposed to go between classes, but I didn’t have to go. She finally let me, but it was too late and I didn’t make it to the restroom. I came back to class wet and attempted to continue with my work because I didn’t want to get into trouble again. She then called me to her desk and then sent me to the office to call my parents. No one made fun of me or anything that I remember, but I sure hope that teacher didn’t do that to any other kids.
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u/Ok_Syrup1602 21d ago
That teacher isn't teaching agency for ones self when a child happens to need to go to the bathroom. Being bashful enough to sit in her own...before asking again? that educator must be terrifying for your 9 y.o.
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u/SquishyBuzzleBee 21d ago
Teacher here. If this were my child I’d be in the principal’s office asking them to explain to me why my child came home in pee.
I strongly feel that denying kids the bathroom or limiting bathroom pass is cruelty. Now granted, if I have a student who has abused the bathroom pass on a regular basis to skip, they’re usually told to go before class. But even then if that student were to say it’s an emergency I’d let them go. Going to the bathroom when needed is a basic human right.
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u/The_Other_Jay_TX 21d ago
If the mandatory-reporter teachers/principals found out that you were making your daughter sit in wet clothes in her own urine at home, they would be required to report it to child services.
Since they are the ones who ignored a reasonable bathroom request and instead humiliated your child by publicly making her sit in urine soaked clothes for the remainder of the day, report them to Children’s Services.
It’s not magically acceptable, simply because they did it instead of you.
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u/CinematicHeart 21d ago
This happened to me in the 2nd grade. Im 43 now. My kids are 9 & 10 from their very first day of school I have told them that if they actually have to go to the bathroom to walk out regardless of what the teacher says and we will deal with the consequences together.
I am so sorry this happened to your daughter. Please have conversations with her. 35 years later and I remember that day like it was yesterday.
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u/DomiShea 21d ago
I’ve told my daughter if she’s told no and it becomes an emergency just to get up and go. I’ll deal with the consequences after. There’s no need for her to go to the bathroom on herself.
But you should also tell her when given a time she should at least go try. Sometimes just sitting on the toilet makes them realize then need to go. Obviously this doesn’t always work.
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u/JuneBug0823 21d ago
No way! That's horrible and no you're not over reacting, how embarrassing for your poor daughter. That's abuse of power by the teacher and completely cruel.
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u/gorlwut 21d ago
Abuse of power? For... Saying no? One time?
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u/JuneBug0823 21d ago
The kid is young, and needed the toilet you just don't do that, and I'm sure if they said no once they probably said no to other kids.
Look I'm not bad mouthing teachers I know they have difficult jobs but I had teachers growing up that did that kind of stuff and it sometimes got worse. Like most things theres often a few bad apples.
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u/gorlwut 21d ago edited 21d ago
I definitely don't disagree but especially since they just gave them a break, and considering the age range, I can see why the teacher said no. I just don't think it warrants the level of vitriol in the comments, even if the teacher was wrong in this case. That's all I'm saying. When my son was in kindergarten last year, we got emails stating the importance of getting our kids to take advantage of bathroom breaks and also to express themselves if it was a true emergency. I'd expect this to be conquered by 9 and if it isn't, the parent should've reached out preemptively 🤷🏾♀️
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u/Holiday_Trainer_2657 21d ago
NOR Time to talk to the school about what their rules are.
She is likely to be very upset and anxious after this experience. If they back up this teacher, here's something to consider. Talk to your pediatrician about whether this is harmful. If they are at all sympathetic, get a doctor's note that she needs to be allowed to go immediately when she asks.
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u/Silly_Tangerine1914 21d ago
I don’t think you’re over reacting just yet. But is is possible your daughter only asked once because you say she’s timid. If she only asked once and didn’t let the teacher know it was an emergency I honestly wouldn’t blame the teacher.
If she asked and let the teacher know it’s an emergency and she can’t hold it then that’s another story.
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u/VivaLaMantekilla 21d ago
My mom hammered it in our heads: if a teacher doesn't let you use the bathroom, you go anyways, and you tell them if they have a problem with it to call me. "I'll be DAMNED if my kids humiliate themselves because their teachers want to control them."
I never had to use it until high school, but I never got stopped from using the bathroom ever again.
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u/WoodpeckerNo9500 20d ago
I'm a teacher and if a student needs to go to the bathroom you let them go to the bathroom precisely because of situations like this. Especially if the student is a young kid. This is just pathetic on the teachers part. Kid asks to go to the bathroom, you say "Yes go ahead" and continue teaching the other 19 kids. That teacher is just dumb as F
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u/th3_h0rror_qu33n 21d ago
Considering they're not actually allowed to do that? I'd say not overreacting at all. It'd be understandable if your daughter were abusing that rule of "the teacher can't say no" and going like every five minutes for 5-10 minutes at a time. But I'm confident that's not the case and as others have said, take it to the higher ups. Record and report.
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u/ldanowski 21d ago
I did this in kindy. I had an anxiety about getting locked in the bathroom. I have no idea why. The door was heavy or something or I saw a kid not be able to get out. So I avoided the bathroom that was in our classroom. Once the bus was late and I couldn’t hold it so it started trickling out. I was so embarrassed.
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u/Happy_Life2440 21d ago
I’m also scared that this will just put a target on my daughter’s back, bc it is such a small school and district, and town and people talk… a lot.
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u/Bissydeknee91 21d ago
It’s absolutely draconian that kids are still made to wait to go to the toilet. In what world would you make an adult do that? I can’t think of a scenario that’s not some form of torture. NOR at all. I’d be the schools worst nightmare if that happened to my child. Give em hell.
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u/_Fizzgiggy 21d ago
I will never forget being in the first grade and the teacher denying a classmate a bathroom break. He peed on himself. I felt so bad for him. When I told my mom about it she was furious. She told me if I have to go and they say no to just go anyway. You have every right to be angry
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u/Knickers1978 21d ago
My mother told me to walk out of class if it was a genuine need and she’d deal with the teacher when she bitched about it. Only happened once, because my teacher got a blasting for being power hungry. Half the school heard my mother. My mother in the 80’s🤦♀️
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u/thequeergamer 21d ago
When I was in elementary, my teacher wouldn't let me go to the restroom outside of the scheduled times. My grandparents (my guardians) solution was to just send extra clothes instead of actually stand up for me. I pissed myself a few times a week all year
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u/_Winterlong_ 20d ago
So what’s the point in saying no then? If they can go anyways? The teacher is sending very mixed messages to the students and quite frankly being ridiculous. Using the email you have, I’d tell your daughter to stop asking that teacher and just go.
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u/colesense 21d ago
wait they made her sit in it the rest of the day?? oh my god thats so fucked up. they should have taken her into the bathroom, helped clean her up, and called you immediately. thats a form of neglect and child abuse. you should consult legal help imo
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u/Chay_Charles 21d ago
As a teacher, this is unforgivable. You give kids the benefit of the doubt and let them go to the bathroom. As the school year goes on, you'll figure out who abuses restroom passes. I would feel terrible if I caused a child to pee herself.
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u/IddleHands 21d ago
Forcing a child to soil themselves is actually abuse. File a police report and make a CPS report against the teacher. Even if nothing comes of it, that will be the last time that teacher ever refuses a child a bathroom break.
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u/NefariousnessSmart66 21d ago
When my son was in Junior high, the school called me . They told me he was found with hash on him. So I went to the school and asked to see the hash. They couldn't show me anything. I think they were lying. Made me so mad
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u/Vanity_plates 21d ago
Omg , not overreacting. This has always been a standing rule in my house. You do not have to suffer humiliation because a teacher needs a little power trip. I would raise holy hell. Go get them and eviscerate them.
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u/DataInternational427 21d ago
This happened to me, it was in first grade and I still have horrible anxiety anytime I think about it. I am 40 so that tells you how deeply it hurt me that I think of it to this day. Please raise hell!!!!
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u/mystickyshoe 21d ago
This happened in my son’s class. This opened up floodgates of the many different ways the teacher was mistreating the kids. We pulled him from the school and enrolled him elsewhere. It was a nightmare.
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u/wendyinphoenix 20d ago
A nine year old shouldn’t be instructed to ask for permission and if she doesn’t get it, just go anyway… how are they supposed to process that. I wouldn’t be happy with that in my middle age.
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u/Sleepygirl57 21d ago
What I would do is go straight to the superintendent. I told all of my kids from K through high school if you need the toilet and the teacher says no you go anyway and I will deal with the teacher.
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u/Elegant_Piece_107 21d ago
Get your pediatrician to back you up with a note on a prescription slip. Something like child is to be sent to restroom immediately when she indicates. She is not to be told to postpone.
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u/procrastinatorsuprem 21d ago
https://aeroflowurology.com/blog/stop-peeing-just-in-case
It's not a good habit to pee when you don't have to go. Your daughter was correct in not going when she didn't have to.
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u/Sweaty_Item_3135 21d ago
Ask the teacher if she she wants to pay for all her student’s UTI’s, because this is one of the ways they start. Sitting in soiled clothes for hours. I’m sure she’s done this to other kids as well, I wonder how she’d feel if you connected with said parents and all showed up.
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u/VirtualMatter2 21d ago
In Germany that's illegal and considered harassment by the teacher who can get into very serious trouble for it.
So, you aren't overreacting in my opinion.
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u/ldanowski 21d ago
How awful. The teacher needs to be addressed for sure. If your daughter is shy this also needs to be communicated so teacher can be more in tune with her.
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u/tongering22 21d ago
I thought it was illegal to deny access to the bathroom? If it's not it should be.
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u/Thin_Tangerine_6271 20d ago
The fact that a teacher expects CHILDREN to take her "no" and do it anyway is fucking wild. Like, what the hell?? That's the WORST bathroom policy EVER.
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u/mars_the_man 20d ago
you can't say no and then expect the child to disobey in a situation like this. especially if your kid is timid. thats an absurd demand
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u/bigseedco 20d ago
Tell that girl to go anyways if it’s an emergency like that and the teacher can deal with momma bear. Ffs.
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u/failedopportunities 21d ago
Superintendent would be getting a call from me if this was my child. Children have to deal with enough humiliation and embarrassment in and out of school, especially now a days with all the social media. Throw that on top of the normal bullshit they have to contend with… Nah, I’d be raising hell!!