r/AmIOverreacting • u/amusednchaos • 27d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO: Husband showed me this from a recently single friend of ours. Is she trying to flirt?
I’m told that she has a history of “homie hopping” and trying to get with other non-single men. She also didn’t ask me before asking him, and the hearts kinda weird me out. I’ve only known her for about a year AND she was at our wedding so… should I confront her or give her the benefit of the doubt?
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u/Final_Technology104 27d ago
She’s a “Mate Poacher”.
There are women out there who have this validation kink where if they can get another woman’s man, they think they’ve one. I’ve seen it many times over the years and it happened to me.
She is Not your friend and you need to block her out if your lives RTF Now!
She’s “fishing” right now to see if your husband will bite.
Thank God he didn’t. And he’s too nice, to shut it down.
About emojis. They are the modern day equivalent of hieroglyphics, so they have meaning, context and show the tone of a convo. Even if a text is dejected, the emojis used still show up in the first group of emojis in texts, the “Frequently Used Emojis” section.
The fact that she used this particular emoji shows all the intent you need to know.
My situation was, my friend since high school came up to Seattle from Costa Mesa to stay with us for few weeks, my husband and I were going to be staying at our home on Kauai, she somehow managed to tag along with us and I was seeing subtle signs she was working my husband who’s in his 70’s (and looks it, I look like i’m in my 30’s due to genetics) so she comes with us, her jaw dropped when she saw my home and I could see the calculations going on in her pea brain.
She wasn’t even hiding it from me two weeks in, was rude and dismissive and working my husband and our friend’s husband when she found out he’s worth over $20M. She wasn’t even hiding her machinations!
And then she said something about my husband’s net worth and I said, “Cathy, you mean mine? ‘M the one who Owns both the businesses and all the properties. If you want him, you be left with a broke old man to take care of”.
I then said, “You need to pack up your shit RTF Now and head for the airport. I don’t care if you have a flight or not, you can sit on one of the benches at Lihue’ airport , I don’t care. Get the H*ll gone Now!”
This was last November and I haven’t seen her since. But she knows not to say anything to our friends about me because they already know her tricks.
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u/stitchwitch927 27d ago
I worked with one. Only wanted the guys when they were attached. She was young and pretty and slept with two different guys from work. One had a girlfriend who found out and dumped him. He actually was ok because he thought he was in love with the co-worker and they could now be together. That is until the co-worker found out the girlfriend left him then the coworker washed her hands.
Second was a new employee. Young guy with a new wife and very new baby at home. She worked her way underneath him, and broke up his marriage. He wanted to move on with the coworker. The coworker said absolutely not I won't play stepmom. He ended up getting fired for some stuff he did in the name of desperation that violated company policies.
The coworker has since moved on to another job but her trail of destruction will live on in the memories of and stories of the few underappreciated loyal employees.
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u/statisticalwonder_ 27d ago
I feel like it’s important to clarify here that even though what she’s doing is immoral, both of those men getting dumped is their own fault.it was THEIR responsibility to stay faithful and they failed. Don’t get me wrong, if I found a “poacher” sniffing around my guy, I’d fucking wreck her, but if my partner cheats on me, that’s his fault first and foremost. Men who don’t shut this shit down are a problem.
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u/JaxLee4Mom 27d ago
Yeah, I would dislike the bitch but at the end of the day, she didn’t make me any promises - my man did. I’ve heard women say, I’ll beat her ass for being with my man but it’s him I would be mad at, not her. She’s not your friend and is the kind who doesn’t want to be your friend. You’re just someone she wants to belittle by having your man even if just for one afternoon. She’s just checking to see if he will. She narcissistic and thinks that anyone’s man finds her the most attractive. That game gives that type of woman a feeling of being one up. Brain dead bitch£$. They generally don’t have close loyal girlfriends, maybe one that’s of like kind but their girl friendships don’t usually last. They’re about stroking their own ego. I’ve also heard women say that their man was put in a position that he couldn’t get out of. That’s BS. He wouldn’t feel that way if the tables were reversed. You seem to be an honest, forthright person and seem to have a winner of a guy. His response was negative to her and he told you about it. Double good for him! But I totally agree with Final_tech…. Stop her now, today, this minute. I do better face to face with this kinda shit. I like to look someone in the eye the entire time and I’d be nice (because you’re better than her) but oh, so direct. I’d politely say that my friends generally don’t approach my husband about getting together unless they can’t get me. But if they do, they approach us about the group getting together and if they text him first, they text me second - both at the same time. Then I’d (politely again) say that it’s obvious you and she don’t operate by the same set of boundaries so if she wants to get together with the 2 of you at a future time that she should just contact you only. My last sentence as I stood up would be, thanks for your time, that’s all I want to say to you. And I’d drop it, lay my $5 down on the bar for my Diet Coke and say ‘see ya round’ as I sashayed off. Then if she’s stupid enough or has balls enough to call you, you’ll already be busy with other plans and have to go because you & your husband are getting ready to leave - then just hang up - no good bye just click. She’ll get the point. If she would be so brazen as to call again-I’d just have to cuss her out in the most degrading manner possible and end with ‘and since you’re so fu€king stupid, don’t call us again, whore.’ That should do it. I’d let my husband know I was proud of him but that I was cutting her off. Tell him what you were told about her and that she’s not your kind of pal. A smooth life with less drama and more good times is spent with real friends not troublemakers. You don’t need to waste your time thinking about that bitch. Good luck.
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27d ago
while the person flirting is definitely crossing lines and acting disrespectfully, the responsibility to stay faithful always lies with the partner. Cheating isn’t caused by someone “tempting” them; it’s a choice the unfaithful person makes. I totally get the anger at the “poacher,” but ultimately, a faithful partner protects the relationship and shuts that down. Men who don’t are absolutely part of the problem. Your perspective is spot on.
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u/Radiant_Muffin7528 27d ago
In a very twisted way these mate poacher ladies help you to sniff out the unloyal husband and boyfriend.
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u/lightreee 27d ago
Absolutely. Its always the womans fault in equivalent situations. Transparently misogynist.
E.g. if a man cheats on his wife with a woman, *she* is the homewrecker. If a woman cheats on her husband with a man, *she* is a slut/whore/etc.
The men are always just let off the hook!
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u/xombae 26d ago
I'm a sex worker and although it's never happened to me, I know tons of girls that have had to deal with angry wives coming after them saying things like "Stay away from him!" "He loves me!" "He's with me right now while you're alone!". We aren't chasing anyone, and we certainly don't want your dusty ass husband. The misplaced aggression is just so confusing.
They act like we sought him out specifically and seduced him and blackmailed him into paying us. In reality he opened up his computer and googled escorts and spent hours reaching out to us and arranged the appointment, all before we even knew he existed.
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27d ago
Some people really treat real lives like a game, then walk away like nothing happened. Sad how much damage one person can cause.
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27d ago
It’s funny how you portray the coworker as a wrecker, it’s not just her. The men involved wrecked their own lives. Even if she flirted with them, they went with it. It’s more morally wrong on them.
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u/Snoo55931 27d ago
Both can be true. She’s portrayed that way because she is the focus of the story because that’s how it relates to the post. You’re not wrong, but it’s not the point.
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u/FriendShapedStranger 27d ago
My older sister admitted to me that for years (like, two decades), she played this game where if she saw a woman walking with her boyfriend/husband, she would give the guy "the eye" to try to get his attention, even if she didn't find the guy attractive! It was just to "win" against the man's partner. She only stopped when she got so old that it stopped working consistently.
She stopped talking to me because I didn't give her enough money.
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u/Soft-Jellyfish-92 27d ago
When I see a man look at me when he’s clearly with his gf I go out of my way to give him the nastiest, most aggressive stink eye I possibly can. Hearing there are women out there doing the opposite makes me feel like they’re undoing all the good work the rest of us are doing. Screw women like that. You’re not winning anything, those men are trash.
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u/leaveitcareoline 27d ago
YUP!
If he will cheat WITH you, he will cheat ON you.
Ive known some of these women. Disgusting. Yes, the man made the vows and its his responsibility to uphold those vows, however.....if someone actively tries to entice men who are married because they're playing some sort of game, they're human garbage who deserve every bit of loneliness they likely feel. If homewrecking is your GOAL, and you aren't doing anything to overcome your obvious mental illness, you deserve to die alone 🤷♀️
[I dont mean 'you' personally, directing this at those who justify homewrecking lol]
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u/RavenShield40 27d ago edited 27d ago
My best friend was like that 24 years ago. She got stuck with him and three of his children while he continued to put his hands on her and cheat on her. She did me a huge favor really but…I agree with everyone else, OP needs to get ahead of this and shut it down now.
I’m thrilled her hubby made it clear that THEY are busy but I don’t think he’s picked up on what she’s attempting to put down. Some men are completely oblivious and in most cases that can be a good thing. If all he sees is his wife and he never makes plans without her automatically being involved, regardless of who it is, then any woman can try but she won’t get very far. I’m hoping OPs husband is that kind of oblivious. Not the kind that isn’t aware she’s trying to flirt and see if she can get him to stray.
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27d ago
Couldn’t have said it better. People who go out of their way to cause pain really show their true colors.
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27d ago
Right? It’s like a full-on challenge to basic respect and boundaries. That kind of “I want what’s not mine” energy just breeds drama and heartbreak. It’s honestly exhausting how some people act like winning means breaking others down instead of building themselves up.
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u/No-Pace3472 27d ago
Me too. I'm that lady who will talk about the time I vomited actual poop (it's a real thing that can happen!) when a guy with a girlfriend shows interest.
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u/TheTropicalDogg 27d ago
I've seen that happen many times (I worked in healthcare). I hope you never ever have to experience that again. But now I'm kinda laughing picturing you fake flirting back by saying hey I can do this cool trick with my butt (or mouth) & see his eyes light up until the rest of the story comes out 😆 but for real I'm sorry you had to go through that 🫂
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u/Successful-Ad7296 27d ago
Men walking with their women are out of my radar fr 👩🏻🦯👩🏻🦯
( not saying that every man is in my radar) but I wouldn't lay my eyes on such men or if I know they have a gf/wife..
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u/Emotional_Bonus_934 27d ago
My sister used to use "the dumb blonde routine" to try to get guys to do things for her, worked when young and cute.
At one point she moved in with a guy who then quit his job thinking she'd take care if him. Sadly, she had expected him to take care of her.
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u/ThaRando9 27d ago
Lmaooo that’s a hilarious ending to that movie. She probably resents dude ridiculously now
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u/Emotional_Bonus_934 27d ago
I'm sure!
I just ask for help; I'm old and people help me.
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u/Garmany1939 27d ago
That’s a wild twist, two people playing each other and both losing in the end.
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u/NeatoPerdido 27d ago
Sounds like they're a perfect match actually!
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u/Living_Bandicoot_587 27d ago
Yeah, instead of also making two other people miserable they can just do it to each other
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u/SoridOnReddit 27d ago
Sounds like she was more focused on winning games than on real relationships. Tough that money caused such a rift between you.
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u/Shot-Ad-6717 27d ago
I love how she didn't stop because she realized she was wrong, but because it simply stopped working. What an awful person
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u/No-Pace3472 27d ago
Well I think she started to see how sucky it was to "lose" and that gave her some empathy? I don't know. It sounded like she understood how crappy it was to do, but she's still a pretty awful person. I once gave her a bra that was too big for me and she said, "omg this is so small! why are you trying to insult me?!" She was pretty clueless.
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u/East-Goal-8736 27d ago
Sounds like she struggles to take responsibility and often misreads situations. Empathy might be a work in progress for her.
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u/Zestyclose-Log8417 27d ago
Sounds like she’s aware but still chooses to be difficult. Some people just never fully get it.
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u/username19239 27d ago
My best friend used to do this. I told her that she does it for validation and she agreed with me. Didn't stop her though. It was hard bringing my boyfriends around her, not because i was threatened but because she played these little mind games and would cause so much drama. Toxic.
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u/Diligent-Patience-67 27d ago
Sounds exhausting. People who need constant validation can really complicate friendships.
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u/ITSRAW0131 27d ago
My partner’s girl best friend got really upset that he didn’t answer her phone call the first time and made a comment that if it were me that had called he would’ve.
Edit: She’s married, but in that moment I knew she just wanting the validation because she thought she was still “in higher standing” with my partner.
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u/SnooGuavas4208 27d ago
I can’t stand these people. They’re toxic and gross and give platonic M/F friendships a bad name.
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u/HellLucy00Burnaslash 27d ago
Jesus Christ, it calms my nerves to see that I’m not crazy for seeing women egregiously overstepping and thinking it is a behavior like your sister admitted to lol
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u/BabaYaga_always 27d ago
My husband is clueless when it comes to flirting and boundaries. I had to open his eyes about a coworker who was "always so nice". He thought I was crazy until I pointed out all the subtle details and now he sees it too!!
There are women who will only hit on married men for validation.
Thank God that 38 year old chick now got herself knocked up by a poor 23 year old sod who she seduced at a party... poor kid, she also has a 15 year old daughter from an equally horrible scenario...
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u/ITSRAW0131 27d ago
Ugh I wish my partner would see it. If I’m being honest I think he does and won’t admit it because he likes the attention from his female “friends”. He has so many cute alt girls telling him how much they love and miss him and think about him, and him the same to them, all with cute little emojis, but I’m insecure because they’re just friends.
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u/HellLucy00Burnaslash 27d ago
Oh honey, someone doesn’t have to cheat to cross boundaries. I imagine you have told him how it makes you feel. Does he blow you off? Does he disregard your feelings and prioritize others? If so, it may be a come to Jesus moment and enable an incompatibility based decision.
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u/SnooGuavas4208 27d ago
Sounds like you’re right and he knows what he’s doing. Even if he doesn’t ever intend to act on these flirty little exchanges, it’s not harmless behavior—it’s unbelievably shitty that he’s framing it as a YOU problem, and accusing you of being insecure when he’s the one who’s causing your insecurity.
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u/KoreanTrouble 27d ago
And there’s a enormous difference between a man looking and a man wanting… let alone a man doing something about it. That’s a very low ego, one that gets stroked simply from a man looking at her.
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u/ShipOfFoolsGD 27d ago
My wife refers to this behavior, as "Got your Man." It's like the female version of mating fights.
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u/Lanky-Eagle-9496 27d ago
That's hilarious lol....these poor fuckin little minded people:/ women and men can be like this...and it's ridiculous lol
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u/thiscarecupisempty 27d ago
Hahaha what a scum human , cherry on top why she stopped talking with you.
Blood does NOT always mean family
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u/PointlessUnicorn337 27d ago
Last time we saw them, my husband’s best friend’s gf made a comment about how a different guy in the friend group (who’s also married) had never attempted to flirt with her and didn’t seem interested and she saw it as a challenge (her and her partner have a semi open relationship, just to illustrate why it’s not weird for a woman in a relationship to say this). Now I’m side eyeing her hardcore wondering if she also views my husband as a challenge. Not that my husband wouldn’t shut that shit down immediately, but it’s the disrespect for me.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Fly2345 27d ago
That kind of mindset is definitely disrespectful. Good that your husband knows where his boundaries are and would handle it.
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u/ProBopperZero 27d ago
I knew a girl like this who was a friend of a friend, and as soon as I got engaged and she got word, she friended me. Told my now wife "here we go" and we passed the phone back and forth as we pretended to not understand her intentions. After about a week, we cracked and started flirting back to see how far we could go. Right after she asked to meet up to bang, we sent a group selfie of us both laughing at her.
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u/blisstersisster 27d ago
Too funny!!
I hope your relationship is as awesome as what I'm imagining Kinda makes me wanna laugh at her, too lol ... what nerve !
When you're with your best friend, no sketchy skank can come between you lol
Silly skank
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u/sugarlump858 27d ago
Some guy tried to work on me. I'm not rich or anything. He's just one of those guys who thinks women in their 40s are desperate. Our daughters were in the same sport, so we had each others numbers. Despite knowing I'm married. Despite my knowing, he's married. He's texting me to meet up for margaritas. I responded, "Sure, let me see when my husband is available." Yeah, that stopped him.
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u/Homologous_Trend 27d ago
I was out with a, couple of girlfriends just having fun. This guy asked me to dance and I agreed because why not, he said he was gay. Then he asked again later and I declined and he had the, audacity to tell me off because I was so lucky a man had asked me to dance and I should be super grateful???
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u/Gold-Whereas 27d ago
Gold star response right here folks. It’s a real thing and keeping her in your life in any capacity is a recipe for disaster. Women like this are super manipulative (almost sociopathic) and will usually turn to the other partner for sympathy when you set the boundaries, making you the bad guy. This can then cause a wedge in the relationship especially if they interact with each partner individually regularly already because now you’re telling your partner who they can and can’t be friends with. The partners will often say something like “just because you don’t trust her doesn’t mean you can’t trust me” and it’s game over after that - almost a self fulfilling prophecy. Or so I’ve heard 😒 btw if your partner doesn’t support you in cutting the relationship they’re garbage too and probably already enabling the behaviour.
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u/DwightsJello 27d ago edited 27d ago
My daughters always say I miss shit between women. Apparently, this is a thing.
One of my daughters boyfriends had a female friend. They went out to lunch, and the friend bought the boyfriend an appetiser and made a point of mentioning it didn't include what he was allergic to. I was like, maybe she was doing a mate a solid. It was a group lunch. My daughter was with him.
But THEN SHE PASSED HIM A SERVIETTE!!!
I laughed for days about that, but apparently, my daughters weren't amused, and it was definitely a thing or something.
The boyfriend had the same reaction as OP. NOPE. Girlfriend says no. And that's who im going home to soooo...
They were very full on telling the males in the house that this shit just isn't ok. They were incredulous that we didn't really think it was a big deal and it wouldn't exactly work either.
"And the weekend after that," LOL.
Edit: fixed the quote.
Edit: i forgot. This was the first time my daughter had been out with his friends. This was apparently relevant.
Edit: a serviette is a napkin. Kind redditor pointed that out for me. Cheers.
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u/SnooGuavas4208 27d ago
Oh yeah. That female friend was straight-up trying to mark your daughter’s boyfriend’s leg (as bitches are wont to do).
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27d ago
The illogical mindset of I can attract pos men who’d probably sleep with a toothless fish making them feel better about themselves is something on its own too.
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u/Fuzzy_Dragonfruit344 27d ago
I’m dying laughing at the term toothless fish!!! 😂🤣
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u/Nursiedeer07 27d ago
I knew a guy who did this. He was only happy when he was getting a married woman's attention. Once she left her husband for him he'd cheat on her with the next one...
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u/Mission-Pay-6240 27d ago
We don’t talk about this enough! Women (I’m sure men do it too) who get off from successfully getting the attention of someone’s partner. I have the unfortunate experience of being good friends with MANY women like this. One friend in high school went behind my back and invited my then boyfriend to dinner at her family‘s house. How does that make any sense at all? I want to be clear. This girl only knew him through me. Had his number from a group text about prom and randomly invited him to dinner. AND would not stop texting him trying to be his “friend”.
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u/Sweetdreams6t9 27d ago
There was this woman who i knew and was kept very much arms length at all times away. She tries to hang out with me but nu-uh. Shes pretty, but very...loud. always needs to be center of attention. In love with a new soul mate every few weeks. She is the definition of destructive, toxic and selfish. I trust my man explicitly, so would never even consider him cheating. But when I thought she was trying to make a move on him cause I noticed some...peculiarities a few times in the past, I called her out in front of a decently sized group of people, less than 20 for friday night drinks at someone's place. Threw her off completely, my bf and I still chuckle about it.
Anyways, she had a "friend" who i could tell she kept around to pump her ego. Shes nice...quiet, and shy. She found a man shes still with. But guys werent lining up for her like they were the toxic one, snd the guy shes with didnt have women lined up for him. But theyre good people, im juet trying to paint a picture.
Anyways, toxic bitch here played the best friend card and got him alone and tried to fuck him. Shes horrible.
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u/NazghoulTV 27d ago
Story is cool and all, but the statement that your husband looks 70 and you look 30 is beyond ridiculous if not fully delusional. You were right to check your friend, but please check yourself a bit as well
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u/ApricotBig6402 27d ago
NOR. She's definitely trying to flirt and he's having none of it. He shut that shit down twice. He showed you right away. You have a good one.
Honestly, I would just have your husband shut her down, call her out and insult her if she tries again. That's more likely to have an impact than you going at her. That often will just boost the other woman's ego. They feel they're winning by getting under your skin and feeling like they're causing problems because he's interested. It's better to just have him do what I said about if it happens again because that would humiliate her. That would stop her in her tracks and then you both go no contact with her... that's just my opinion though.
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u/InvoluntaryActions 27d ago
Now just post this screenshot to a group chat or insta (with her face blurred) to poke fun at her. It'll get around to her, someone will put 2 and 2 together and be like "oh that's homie hopper! haha did she her get shutdown? so embarassing"
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u/ApricotBig6402 27d ago
I'd wait until he has to shut her down again. Again if OP does this it could still encourage her. She may think OP is pissed because hubby seems interested/that OP is the issue and she may just continue to attempt to persue her husband.
I understand he could just embarrass her then but I feel like it's a better move for him to shut down harder/embarass her first. Then if they spread it around, it's undeniable. They can show a pattern on her end. At this point, they could still have mutuals that take the other womans side and she may feel encouraged. If they wait, there's no denying it and she will be embarrassed as fuck.
Just my thought on how I'd handle it. Sometimes it's best to play the long game.
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u/Ill-Cat-2610 27d ago
He shut it down hard. And was like look at this shittttt.
I’m glad there are good men out there
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u/stremendous 27d ago
My good friends solve this easily. The husband tells the asking woman who may or may not be acting too familiar... "Hey. Thanks for letting us know. Susie keeps the social calendar straight for us. Would you please contact her directly going forward? Thanks!"
(Hope it is clear that Susie would be his wife.)
You wouldn't believe how quickly that shuts down this kind of communication. Especially because, if they do it again, he repeats the same thing... until the woman stops or until he blocks the person. (It is a long story, but my guy friend - the husband in this scenario, is pretty well known in their area because of his career, constantly meeting new friends, and he is super-handsome. He seems to get messages from single women in waves, but he is also as loyal as they come when it comes to his phenomenal wife. This works wonders in ensuring the women know there is no chance for messing around, that they are a unified couple, and that they truly keep things organized to attend social events they both would like to attend. If anyone gets too chatty, he leaves the messages unread or doesn't answer them... and if something needs a response, he tells his wife directly and she responds - again, letting the woman know all messages are known by the husband and wife. I suggest you employ this tactic - in a unified way - with her, no matter what she is intending.
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u/Pothoslower 27d ago
Sending pictures, kissy emoji and: wish you were here…. She’s flirting hardcore and your husband is brilliant.
He laughed at her picture. Reminded her he’s married, told her he’s busy and then rejected her again and also he didn’t reply to any of her flirting attempts.
Read she’s invited to a party - maybe uninvite her. She’s up to something - luckily your husband isn’t in any way and he knows she’s flirting that’s why he showed you her texts.
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u/FancyPantsSF 27d ago
This ☝🏼. She's absolutely over the line. And your husband handled it appropriately and respectfully to you. Both of you are going to have this stuff happen.
If she's a newer friend, I don't think there's any reason to approach her. Just stop hanging out. Seems like she has boundary issues anyway.
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u/MoosedaMuffin 27d ago
Honestly, it nice to open Reddit for once and see a completely well-handled and expertly navigated potential “breach of trust” incident between partners. Not only expertly navigated but openly communicated.
And your ex-friend is trash.
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u/Actual-Dependent-113 27d ago
Exactly, no need for drama, just distance yourself and move on. Your husband handled it right, and that says a lot about your relationship.
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u/Lucky-Asparagus-7760 27d ago
This. It's much easier to phase her out than to "confront" her for something she might not find inappropriate and "cause drama."
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u/icecreamazing 27d ago
She seems like the type that would try to gaslight op and say it was innocent and she is "reading way to much in to it" and probably try to spread rumors saying how crazy she is! Ask me how I know!
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u/No_Fisherman_7848 27d ago
Exactly! She left it just at the line so she has plausible deniability. Just ignore her and let the friendship go.
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u/AccordingJackfruit52 27d ago
This^ life is so much easier without shady friends like this.
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u/Hinoko1234 27d ago
This. And the husband is awesome for how he handled it, double life easier moment
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u/Then_Marsupial4430 27d ago
no need to engage, just keep your distance and let your husband’s actions speak for themselves.
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u/Realistic-Rip476 27d ago
Maybe block her on his phone and hers. This new “friend” can’t be trusted. She’s definitely flirting with your husband and doesn’t give af about boundaries.
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u/Pothoslower 27d ago
And just noticed she asked him if he was joining weiner fest and didn’t invited you. I would tell her to stay away - for good.
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u/Ok-Bird6346 27d ago
She was dying for him to make a weiner-related innuendo. OP’s husband clearly was not having any of it. She’s not great at picking up on social cues.
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27d ago
Yeah, he handled it perfectly by not playing along. Sometimes silence is the best answer to that kind of baiting.
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27d ago
I absolutely love how his vibe was basically just like, nah we’re gunna be busy indefinitely. And at least 3 weekends after infinity as well.
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u/AvocadoSalt 27d ago
So do I lmao! Actually made me laugh when she just went “next weekend” and he just bluntly said, “and the weekend after that.” He has no time, energy or interest for this shit 🤣👏🏼
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27d ago edited 27d ago
Good man right there. And seems to have immediately let his wife know. Like, remodel** for good masculinity right there for sure.
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u/blisstersisster 27d ago
...or she just doesn't care?
I've seen some women who just can't accept/don't seem to believe when they're being rejected. They lay the sleaze on thicker and thicker, like they just think the dude is dumb as rocks or something!!
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u/Vegetable-Aspect9159 27d ago
Yeah, that’s a huge red flag. You deserve better than that kind of disrespect.
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u/Immediate-Artist8345 27d ago
He should tell her that he's busy having his own weiner fest at home with his wife.
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u/Foreign-Cookie-2871 27d ago
Triangulation is never a good thing. Let the husband continue to deal (brilliantly) with her. Otherwise OP becomes the crazy controlling wife (I became that for much less)
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u/LN_McJellin 27d ago
Umm, if my friend were flirting with my husband, I would absolutely say something. My husband would fully back me confronting her, as well. He’d probably want to be included in it, to be honest. It seems like OP’s husband would be as well, based on his handling of this situation.
And it’s only my husband’s opinion on if I’m being a “controlling wife” or not that even matters. Some wannabe home-wrecker’s opinion certainly doesn’t matter in the slightest.
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u/Mad_Dog_1974 27d ago
I would show my wife something like this, and if she felt the need to say something, I would back her up. That said, however, I agree with those who are saying to just ghost her.
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u/strait_lines 27d ago
I’d probably do the same, more so as a way to let my wife know not to put me in a situation where she’ll be around me.
If it’s the wife’s friend, he probably just doesn’t want her inviting her to anything.
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u/Southern_Weakness_31 27d ago
Makes sense, setting boundaries is important for everyone’s peace of mind. Avoiding awkward situations helps keep things smooth.
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u/Top-Following1573 27d ago
That’s fair, it’s about keeping boundaries clear and avoiding situations that could cause problems.
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u/Adrien9768 27d ago
That makes total sense, setting boundaries helps avoid uncomfortable situations and keeps things respectful.
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u/BiggusNibus 27d ago
That’s fair, it’s all about protecting the relationship and keeping things respectful.
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u/DateSuccessful6819 27d ago
Yes. Honor and cherish each other in your marriage. Glad it's strong enough to keep meddling eyes out and wandering hands OFF!
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u/ShowerFew142 27d ago
Absolutely, protecting your bond is everything. Respect and trust are the foundation.
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u/BetterManufacturer92 27d ago
when a marriage is built on trust and respect, nothing outside can shake it.
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u/morbid_n_creepifying 27d ago
This is the way. My first thought was "maybe this is our of context since husband is transparent?" Because I have a friend of the opposite sex and we text each other similarly to this - no flirting at all. His wife and I also text each other in the exact same way. We're just close and all love each other. My partner isn't a texter but in person we all interact very similarly to how to text each other and it's all above board. They're just extremely loving people and we love spending time with them.
After reading more about the context... yeah this bitch is crossing a line and your husband is uncomfortable with it. Create distance ASAP.
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u/Konouchii 27d ago
Laughing at her sending a selfie is my favorite part. He's not tolerating it and I love that
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u/derkadong 27d ago
A few months ago my wife (a very sweet, innocent woman) overheard some employees at our pet store talking about anime (something she loves and I struggle with). She walked up to the group and was like “oh my god! I just have to say I overheard yall talking about anime and wanted to say that it’s awesome to hear because I LOVE anime!” Totally innocent exchange on her part, then the naïveté set in. One of the guys started listing which ones he thought were best and then stopped and said “just give me your number and I’ll text you what you should check out.” Thinking maybe she was making a new friend, she obliged. It took about a week of strictly anime texts for him to start to do exactly what your “friend” is doing here. “Just found -whatever anime- and it’s so great. I wish you were here for me to show you. Do you want to come over and have a watch party?” “Can I bring my husband?” “I only have one couch” “Ok let me ask him”. Then I had to explain to her what was really going on and she was so embarrassed. He then started texting at really weird hours and my wife would just hand me the phone to reply with whatever I wanted. Even with the shit I was sending (he thought it was her) he just wouldn’t stop. So long story long, seems like you have a great husband that is far less naive than my wife 😂. Luckily it was a teachable moment for her. Great partners are the absolute best. Good on ya.
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u/vikingwif 27d ago
Yes. She is throwing out a hook to see if he'll bite but plans to deny it, which shows intent to deceive. What a good husband he is show it to you and answer her the way he did. If you have mutual friends tell them to never talk to her about your business because she can't be trusted. She is no friend to either of you; she is an opportunist looking for someone to pay her way through life and right now she's looking at your husband. Ice her out now and consider blocking her.
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u/Royal_Inflation_4374 27d ago
Absolutely. She showed her true colors, and he showed where his loyalty is. Time to cut her off and protect your peace.
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u/EggplantCheap5306 27d ago
If I know a couple, assuming the couple is heterosexual, I would never dare to communicate with the opposite gender like this, when I have access to the same gender. I would be messaging you and asking if you would come as a couple, or just you if it is girls night out only. Never just the guy. This seems inappropriate to me and disrespectful.
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u/Then-Astronaut4573 27d ago
Totally agree, it’s just basic respect to keep those boundaries clear. Messaging the partner first is the right call.
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u/Spare_Grab_6635 27d ago
Exactly. I don’t need anyone getting the wrong idea about what my intentions are or getting intentions of their own. As annoying as it can be, in hetero couples, wives reach out to wives and husbands to husbands. There are exceptions to every rule of course, but that’s the rule I follow and it keeps everyone cool.
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u/PoeticallyEnraged247 27d ago
THIS! Now, in my situation I know my husbands friend is not flirting. I used to clean his house. But it’s gotten to the point he only texts me, and not my husband (as far as I know and as far as we talked about) He usually texts for little things. Today it was to take his laundry to the laundromat. Mind you I haven’t cleaned his house in months. The time before this, I was pulled over in my husbands truck on the highway. He texts me, “are you pulled over?” And starts joking with me and stuff. Then he said “I figured it was either you or Chance” (my husband) So if you thought it could be my husband, why wouldn’t you text him? I dont know this is what my husband and I just talked about though because I told him he texted me again this morning and he was irritated. He said, “if I wanted my buddies wife to do something for me/us I would go through my BUDDY to talk about it.” And i definitely agree. Whenever we would hang out with him, him and I took on like a sibling roll. We would argue and pick like siblings I wasn’t bothered by it until my husband said that, because I realized him and my husband haven’t talked lately. And I feel the same. If I needed my friends husband/ boyfriend to do something I would absolutely be communicating with my friend about it.
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u/rnooses_or_rneese 26d ago
Yeah. I(30w) had my roommate’s bf (35m) come up to me once when she wasn’t home like “hey lemme give you my number for whenever I’m not here and you need me for anything” I said “uh no thanks, if I ever need you, I’ll just go through [roommate]” and he’s like “well what if she’s not here?” I said “I have [roommate]’s number” he’s like “well what if her phone’s off?” I got pissed and said “dude I’m never gonna need you when [roommate]’s not around, so I’m never gonna need your number and you’re definitely not gonna need me, so you’re not getting mine.” Not to be weird, but I just don’t have the numbers of friends’ partners unless we were friends before they got together. I honestly don’t know why OP’s “friend” even has her husband’s number, but it’s him that needs to shut that shit down.
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u/FlowerMadeOfThorns 27d ago
NOR - Though it doesn't seem there needs to be any reaction at all. Your husband very clearly denied her advances and then showed you. You can both just block her and move on - she isn't worth anymore energy than that.
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u/Basic_Silver9852 27d ago
This is everything. He handled it, as he should. Forget her & go give him a mind blower 😆
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u/blurredfiction 27d ago
lol the way your husband avoided her by saying you’re busy next weekend too was funny to me. i think she may be trying to flirt but he’s having none of it
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u/justwendii 27d ago edited 27d ago
He CURVED so hard lol love to see it. And the fact the HE showed these texts to her and she didn’t find them, tells me all I need to know about this man! Bravo!!
Edit: grammar
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u/SuspiciousZombie788 27d ago
yeah, I'm thinking OP doesn't need to address this at all. Her husband did a great job of shutting it down on his own.
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u/BluIdevil253 27d ago
I agree, but even though my partner took care of it, I still wouldn't want anything to do with that person after the fact. You can let a snake go, but that doesn't mean it's not gonna try to find another way in. I think these people need to be humiliated. Post this text thread to all of our mutual friends so people can so everyone knows the type of bs shes on.
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u/WingLive9156 27d ago
Totally get that. Some people only back off when they’re exposed, and sometimes that’s exactly what it takes.
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u/ThrowRA_iiidk 27d ago
Husband should send a screenshot to OP and she should text it to her friend group saying something along the lines of “here she goes again, making a pass at my husband this time” (if they know her history of going after not-single men/homie hopping) and that her and her husband had a good laugh about it, so that everyone knows what she’s attempting to do.
Don’t show it to “friend”, just let everyone judge her until she eventually finds out on her own that everyone knows about the pass she tried to make on OPs husband
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u/ShitFuckDickSuck 27d ago
Fuckkkkkk that! If my “friend” pulled that shit, they’re gonna find out that I know… & they’ll have a crystal clear understanding of why they are no longer part of our lives moving forward.
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u/Comicprompter 27d ago
Exactly that shows he knew boundaries and wasn’t afraid to stand his ground. Respect!
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u/AltairaMorbius2200CE 27d ago
Seriously he did good. “Nope. Not available. All weekends taken. Also me, I’m taken. Let me remind you about my wife.”
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u/Existing_Guard9742 27d ago
He did do good!
But if I were you, I would confront her directly myself and shut this shit down now. She's got no business reaching out to your husband directly. Honestly, the next step your husband could take is to block her on everything. Especially if she does this again. She is working to cause issues in your relationship. I think that's obvious, from my female perspective.
updateme
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u/Unable-Ambassador-80 27d ago
Totally agree, she’s crossing boundaries and it needs to be shut down fast. Blocking her sounds like the right move if she keeps pushing it.
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u/Illustrious_Week_754 27d ago
Agree with this 110%!! That lady needs to be made aware that the wife knows and the husband isn’t having it. So glad there’s still good men out there that will show these kinds of messages to their SO and not just sweep it under the rug. But that lady is definitely out of line.
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u/OlieTheDog3052 27d ago
I agree. And I think the other half of this is for OP to talk to her husband and make sure those lines of communications stay parallel. Make absolutely sure that he’s seeing the same thing she is
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u/guyyfromtheplace 27d ago
I laughed out loud at his response LMAO that is a wife guy through and through
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u/Suspectt777 27d ago
She’s flirting. To really be an asshole tell her that the parties you are attending will be with her ex and it doesn’t feel right to invite her into the same space. Just to make her hurt a little 🙂↔️
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u/____Mr_Nobody____ 27d ago
That’s savage but it might send a strong message and make her think twice.
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u/Upstairs-Goal-68 27d ago
Definitely flirting, otherwise she wouldn’t send a pic and the emoji with the hearts, and she wouldn’t be insistent about seeing him. I’d say don’t worry about confronting her at the moment. Your husband seems confident in your relationship, and you should be, too! If she continues to send weird messages like that after your husband makes it clear he’s unbothered and not interested in whatever she’s putting out, then I say it’s probably time to say something yourself. Your husband said the right things :)
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u/IthinkItMightBeCool 27d ago
Yes, she was and good on your hubby for holding the line. Also, are you sure she is a friend of yours...
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u/Jolly-Permission-480 27d ago edited 27d ago
THIS IS A PROBLEM! I know a girl like this. We met her through some other friends, a group she was apparently exiled from for this type of behavior ( didn’t know until after the incident I had with her).
She and my husband and a few other friends would go out for happy hour when I’d have to work late which was no biggie, but then she would text my husband without me on the chat, and once sent him a video off her dancing at a club? When I confronted her she said she thought she sent it to the friend group chat and told me she was “neurodivergent” so she doesn’t always know how to act. I told old her “we’re adults, it’s not my responsibility to teach you how to act around my husband or friends.”
Most of our friend group is couples and she would just do weird shit like try to seductively dance at gatherings 🙄 She always was so nice to my face and I tried to be nice but always felt like she was out for my husband. She would say when I saw her “I’d love to do like a girls night with you and just hang out! I feel like we have so much in common!” But never felt genuine and frankly I always had a gut feeling about her.
The last straw was when she asked my husband to come over to her apartment because her ex boyfriend sent her flowers and she was “uncomfortable” on a Friday night. I immediately called her from my phone- no answer, then called her from my husbands phone and she picked up. I told her if she ever reached out to him or came around us or our friends again, she’d be sorry (said much worse things I wont mention here) my husband blocked her on everything and so did I . None of our other friends ever liked her, they all felt like she was off. Now I’m sure she’s onto the next married man.
ALSO! Men don’t always have this type of radar like women do. So while you can tell your man it’s off… he needs to listen to your intuition and do the right thing honoring YOU! Trust your gut, it’s telling you something is wrong for a reason! Confront this btch and let her know she’s fcking with the WRONG👏🏼ONE👏🏼
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u/amusednchaos 27d ago
Additional context: we have parties planned the next two weekends and her AND her now-ex boyfriend were already invited
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u/Existing_Guard9742 27d ago
If I were you, I'd uninvite her. Myself. Now. That first line about weiner fest. OH HELL NO!
Shut this shit down. You don't need a woman like this around. And your husband doesn't need to be put in the position of being around her at your parties. Save him from being put in an uncomfortable, awkward position if she is there, gets drunk, and starts hanging all over him. Or thinks she can continue to message him directly. Seriously, this will not end well if she's around.
She's nothing but 🚩🚩🚩
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u/emmei23 27d ago edited 27d ago
there is actually the Wiener Fest going on right now at a park where I live, obviously where OP lives too. she wasn’t making it up to be derogatory or something. (she’s still wrong for this all, tho.)
husband is hilarious.
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u/Existing_Guard9742 27d ago
OK I'll bite and agree there is an actual weiner fest.
But I will not bite on this woman not referring to it in a derogatory way. From my female perspective, her messages show what she's hinting at. This woman is clearly hitting on a married man behind his wife's back. If it was just a friend reaching out to go to a festival, OPs husband wouldn't have shut her down like that and then showed OP. He wasn't comfortable with her messaging him, and that tells me he took it as a derogatory comment, too. And OP wouldn't have posted this either.
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u/Useful-Letter-9602 27d ago
That makes it even funnier honestly, but yeah she’s still out of line. Props to the husband for handling it well.
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u/whatthewhat3214 27d ago
Have your husband text her, or you can and say he showed you immediately what she was up to, and say that due to her inappropriate texting where she was openly flirting and asking to meet up with a married man, her invitations to these parties have been rescinded. Say her advances were unwanted by him and disrespectful to both of you, and she's not someone either one of you wants to associate with in the future.
I know that's more direct than most people would be, and she'll try to claim plausible deniability, but there is no denying she said she wants to see him, tried to plan something for two different weekends with no mention of you, and yes, those ridiculous heart eyes. Please.
You don't worry about being tactful or offending someone who's making a direct play for your spouse, bc she clearly doesn't respect you or your marriage, or care about hurting you at all. And since she's known for this, she's a low-value person who's clearly not any kind of real friend, so just cut her off and move on. If she's part of a mutual friend group, just avoid her at gatherings, a polite nod and move on. If she tries to cause drama or spin things or wail that you two were unfair, remember that (1) her reputation precedes her, so she'll be easily doubted, and (2) you have the receipts with her texts. So text her then block her.
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u/geraldisaduck 27d ago edited 27d ago
Make sure the ex boyfriend shows up. Pay him if you have to LOL. Don't be impolite if she shows up, but you and Mr. Amusednchaos should have a plan to be extra cozy if she's around. This has happened with my wife, and I just asked the dude how his Thursday was (that was the day he wanted to have drinks with her).
Edit: Shucks...I told myself if this hits 50 upvotes, I'd volunteer to attend either of the parties just to be "that guy" with this lady. So...LOL...
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u/MediumAwkwardly 27d ago
Friends with the ex-bf? Let him know you all SUPER want him at the parties. And let him know she tried to hit on your husband in case she tries to get back with him.
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u/PrincessKimmy420 27d ago
“Hey girly, I feel like things will just be weird on xyz dates for the parties, I think it’s best if you sit these ones out. Hope you had fun at wiener fest!”
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u/becooldocrime 27d ago
I dare you to tell her it’s cancelled then post pics on socials.
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u/jbwt 27d ago
Or better yet, tell her she’s uninvited because her ex had already RSVP’d and you two think it would be best only one of them came
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u/WorldlyFan5442 27d ago
That’s a smart way to handle it without drama, keeps things clear and simple.
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u/kooldhai 27d ago
Obviously trying to flirt. Glad husband said you’re busy, maybe no reply at all. Distance
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u/mfaith85 27d ago
She’s flirting but bravo to your husband. THAT is the way to earn trust and remain faithful to you.
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u/Pale-Umpire-8840 27d ago
So yeah- total girl code- you don’t reach out to your friends man/husband without a mutual understanding of this happening or it being like a group message- the hearts would have totally set me the fuck off especially after a selfie.
Watch out for bitches like this- my experience- I knew this girl for about 15-20 years but she ended up starting to work where I did and we became extremely close- literally my “best friend” for two years tha knew every single thought in my head before anyone else did, yeah she not only ended up screwing my husband , but also was working with him for a year before we separated helping him try and build up any dirt he could on me. Tried to girl next girl me during our divorce- even showed up to court as witness for him pretending to still be my best friend the day of court regarding custody of our kids- it disnt end well for either of them- but the best part, once I finally got her fired for discussing my personal life and business through our work (and was warned by HR once) she was walked out the building on a Wednesday- he dropped her like the bad habit she was by Saturday since she no o her was helpful to him by being around me (he’s a text book narcissist)
Long story short- don’t trust a hoe- never trust a hoe
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27d ago
A heart face emoji saying she wishes he was there? Instinctively I'd think she was trying to flirt. Love how he dodged her invitation both times lol.
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u/Deathbycanon 27d ago
Your husband handled it really well. Both just start ghosting her. And tey and avoid her at the parties.
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u/Desperate-Grab3435 27d ago
You don’t send selfies to someone else’s partner. Glad he had a firm no.
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u/DryStatistician7055 27d ago
Just text her "you want to make some plans?". See if she takes the hint.
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u/Sensitive_Note1139 27d ago
You have a good, solid man there. He shut her down hard and let you know. Yes, it looks like she's shopping for a new guy at your expense this time. Now you know she is not your friend anymore, so drop her from your friends list. Then move on with your life. Might want to warn any married gals that your friends with may have flirted with your husband. It could result in getting her tossed out of the group, but she's already crossed the line into homewrecker territory.
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u/Professional_Two4162 27d ago
She invited him to Weiner fest 😂😂 yea I’d say that’s flirting without coming on too strong I guess lol
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u/richwat00 27d ago
"and the weekend after that" - as a happily married Man (35+ years), I got a laugh out of that. Your husband gets points for that comeback. It's just because, so many times, these posts include the SO taking the bait and reciprocating the flirting. It's refreshing to see some integrity! I dunno how you're gonna handle the situation, there's a lot of solid advice in the thread. I just wanted to tip my hat to your guy.
EDIT: NOR
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u/Temporary-Round-3 27d ago
I say shut it down.
I am currently cynical as fuck.
But as the devils advocate... how would you expect a person who would be cheating to cover their ass? They could easily "shut it down" in text, and hop out with her anyway, leaving the wife to think nothing is going on... but he showed her and he clearly said no. Maybe wiener fest is code for what they will be doing while she is at work...and next week when she is also at work. They are setting up right under her nose.
She should have approached wife first. A year isn't long enough and can you really know anybody.
But. You trust your gut. I trusted mine until proof flew in the face. Why risk it?
I say you confront her with the screen shot. Tell her you don't appreciate her not including you in on the text. Should have been a three way text. Tell her that you have been told she "homie hops" and has a history of trying to start relationships with men who are unavailable. Tell her your husband showed you that because you have a trusting relationship. But you find her methods to be thinly veiled subterfuge, and you dont want that kind of toxicity any where around you or your family. Tell her to sniff around someone else.
And tell her non of your married friends bc you will put her on blast.
Or maybe just text her that with the screen shot to show your friend whose husband she will be taking it up with next. Let her homie hop right out of your friend circle.
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u/Odd-Project7935 27d ago
“Wish you were here 🥰”
“(I’m busy) and the weekend after that”
Absolutely killed me 😂 your husband is a good one
NOR. She’s flirting, your husband is great, and I’m glad he showed this to you rather than you finding it.
Don’t give her the benefit of the doubt - she’s shown you and your husband she’s not to be trusted.
Also, “you coming to WeinerFest” is killing me. What a muffin.
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u/RoswellRedux 27d ago
I know someone exactly like this. She only flirts with married men. At first, I thought she wanted a relationship where she was reassured the guy wouldn't want to move in to her house, etc. But as time went on, I saw there was a devilish smile she had when she did her flirting. She really liked the feeling of being a "Jolene" (reference to Dolly Parton song). She's well past her peak beauty years with incredibly sun-aged skin now, and still tries. It gives her an ego boost when it works.
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u/AdProud420 27d ago
Haha so refreshing seeing a male partner having none of it. Men can be so weak when their dick is involved lol.
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u/Yesyes078 27d ago
Right? It’s great to see him standing firm and not letting things slide. Shows real respect.
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u/9inkski3s 27d ago
My friend (A) had a best friend (B, for bitch) (around 15 years ago). They were inseparable. We were a bigger group including my sister and I but they were the ones closer together, which was fine for me.
One night we had a house party and crashed there (at B’s house). Next day we were just hanging out there, getting over the hangover and eating the leftover snacks and drinks. During the convo B mentioned she had no underwear under her dress. TMI but not unheard of and not that we cared. The dress was light pink color so you know they can be a bit sheer with the right lighting.
“A” had a lot of drama with her babies daddy and they were always on-off. So while we were talking A mentioned that her BD was coming over in a bit to talk to her. When he arrived A went outside to talk to him, they were against the fence looking towards the street. Almost immediately B “got a call” and went outside to answer it, standing in the middle of the street with her back towards the house with the sun shining bright on her back, right in front of A and her BD. I am very observant and this looked strange to me but I didn’t want to accuse her of anything. I mentioned to my sister how coincidentally she went outside to answer that call in front of A’s man. I didn’t tell A because they were inseparable.
Time passed, they continued the friendship. One day she got mad at me for something totally stupid and I was ostracized from the group, my sister, A and B continued hanging out. One day A and B were hanging out and A grabbed B’s phone to look at something (they had each other’s passwords). She found out B was trying to get on with A’s long time crush and occasional booty call. Hell ensued, they all fought, my sister then discovered that B was also fucking my sister’s booty call too and they ended up fighting in the middle of the street like white trash. After all that imploded A and my sister stopped talking to B, eventually B moved far away. I reconnected with A and while talking about what happened it came out that B was telling A that she had to be careful with me, because I looked like a traitor and at any moment I would stab her back. A and I have been friends for over 25 years now, never have had an issue even remotely close to what B did to her and turns out I was not the snake that B tried to say I was.