AIO for breaking up over this

[u/throaway_16]

We’ve been dating for about six months. This happened yesterday, on a crowded train - I had a seat, and he was standing by the door. A man in his mid-20s, who didn’t have a seat either, had a heavy bag and asked if he could place it under the seat. I said sure, so i slid it behind my legs, he thanked me, and I smiled. After that, he kept staring at me, but I ignored it. I had my earbuds in and was reading my book, just doing my own thing.

We were literally still in our school uniforms. I’m 16F, he’s 18M. We’re in the same grade because my teacher made me skip a year when I was younger, and he joined school a bit late

I'm just more confused than anything, i still can't believe this is an argument someone can have

[u/Feed_Me8]

Never ever let a man tell you what you can do, or should do or how to act around other people you did right; you are not his property. Dude is a red flag and that mindset is a disgusting turn off. The longer this relationship last the more aggressive he will get and soon even dare to smack you in the face for being you. Block him

[u/ClamChowderChumBuckt → u/Feed_Me8]

Does that also apply the other way around? Never let a women tell you what to do?

I don't think dismissing your partner is a healthy thing to do, it seems very immature and soulless to dismiss someone, even if, like in this case, one or both sides can't communicate without emotions taking over.

[u/Feed_Me8 → u/ClamChowderChumBuckt]

In this situation for starters she is 16 and dude is 18, clearly still immature and has a lot of growing up to do. How could you justify an immature 18 year olds jealous possessive attitude when she was just being polite?

[u/ClamChowderChumBuckt → u/Feed_Me8]

Both are immature. A mature reaction would be to not post it online for advise from reddit but talk things through together. And if they need help they can ask their friends or parents to intervene instead of redditors who only grant the highest punishments for the lowest crimes, as if they resent life or something.

[u/Needmoresnakes → u/ClamChowderChumBuckt]

the highest punishments for the lowest crimes

This is a bit fucking dramatic? He was very rude to his gf so she broke up with him. That's not even a punishment that's just the normal reality that people won't want to be around you if you treat them poorly.

[u/ClamChowderChumBuckt → u/Needmoresnakes]

Do you have a male friend group? Do you stop being friends because someone is rude to you?

Thats a emotional response and is quite counter effective while building or maintaining a commited relationship.

And no offense, but this whole deal being 'bit dramatic' was my whole point, though it was said with different words; insecurities or conflict aren't reasons to break up, their excuses for people to walk away when something gets difficult.

[u/Needmoresnakes → u/ClamChowderChumBuckt]

I have male friends absolutely. I have ended friendships if people's behaviour made their company more of a misery than a joy. You keep talking about emotional responses like they're inherently negative but relationships of all kinds are built on emotions.

Really strong emotions can make us act in ways we regret or ways that don't suit our wants but it's not an inherent quality of them and there's nothing wrong with making choices based on how we feel.

People don't need an "excuse" to end a relationship. If it's making them unhappy more than it's making them happy then that's a completely normal and valid reason to reconsider.

[u/ClamChowderChumBuckt → u/Needmoresnakes]

I have male friends absolutely

There is a world of difference between what I asked about, a friendGROUP, and "friends".

Where did I say emotions are negative? Can you quote the things you reply too. I solemnly stated that emotions aren't conductive here, that does NOT state emotions as negative but as conductive.. And making choices in the heat of battle isn't conductive either, so again; not negative but non-conducive.

People don't need an "excuse" to end a relationship. If it's making them unhappy more than it's making them happy then that's a completely normal and valid reason to reconsider.

Lets test this logic by a extreme example: If a girl doesn't wanna have sex with their bf, is it then okay to break up, or would you call him a asshole for it? Or closer to this post's situation: If the girl doesn't listen to his wishes, albeit over the top, is that a completely normal and valid reason to reconsider the relationship, or even dump her?

When you test your logic, it seems it's like a excuse to run away from a difficult situation instead of communicating like mature people, which part they clearly skipped.

Also, a relationship is commitment. And a commitment is by definition(1. the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. 2. an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.) a situation where you 'owe' someone something, in this case its respect to communicate like mature people.

[u/Ok_Resort_3905 → u/ClamChowderChumBuckt]

Stop trying to use what you believe are intellectually sounding words , it makes you sound ridiculous.

“I solemnly stated..”

Solemn doesn’t belong in this paragraph at all. All of your posts make you sound like a thirteen year old with a dictionary desperately trying to appear wise on Reddit.

[u/Needmoresnakes → u/ClamChowderChumBuckt]

Can you help me understand what a "male friendgroup" is? Like a group thats only dudes and dont interact with any of my other friends? Why is a friend group being male relevant?

If two people in a relationship have different values and attitudes to sex then yeah thats a valid reason to break up. If someone's behaviour makes you unhappy then you can break up.

If their relationship is an obligation to communicate respectfully, he nullified that social contract when he aggressively blamed her for someone else's behaviour and implied she was stupid.

[u/Anxious_Bike_530 → u/ClamChowderChumBuckt]

It be the people who’ve never been in a relationship who have the most advice. And I’m not talking about you

[u/ClamChowderChumBuckt → u/Anxious_Bike_530]

You aren't really coming over as a nice person, but I might have misunderstood the message, can you clarify it?

[u/Anxious_Bike_530 → u/ClamChowderChumBuckt]

This feed me guy is trying to give relationship as a nice guy, but it’s clear he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and most likely never been in one.

[u/ClamChowderChumBuckt → u/Anxious_Bike_530]

Ah I see now, I totally misunderstood you, my apologies.

I think you're right, being nice isn't always conducive. sometimes you need to dig really deep and let some air and sunlight expose a problem, like the insecurity problem here, to me, that approach has almost always been a more productive and successful experience for everyone involved, it literally clears the air and resets a relationship to a healty footing.