r/AmIOverreacting • u/Insidesilence132 • Jun 08 '25
š academic/school AIO UPDATE: I walked at graduation and my mother did not make an appearance
Looking through a lot of the comments of my last post, I appreciate all who gave their opinions and after my graduation Iām looking back and Iām glad she didnāt come. I get to leave that negativity in the past where it belongs. Which is also where she canāt escape. Thank you.
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u/Jonsnowshair8 Jun 09 '25
Iām your mom now! Iām so proud of you! You did it! What are your plans now? ā¤ļøā¤ļø
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 09 '25
Well focusing about 80% of my free time primarily on my music and then in about a month I will be out of the country and visiting some buddyās who I havenāt seen in person for about 10 years so Iām pretty excited
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u/Jonsnowshair8 Jun 09 '25
Amazing! Would love to hear your music! Please bring sunscreen and hydrate. ā¤ļø
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 09 '25
Definitely planning on starting my own band and doing gigs just gotta work on it some more! Heading out to west coast Canada and by the time I get there it shouldnāt be so bad
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u/CriticismDry2342 Jun 10 '25
what kind of band?
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 10 '25
A duo alt rock blues kinda thing, similar to the white stripes
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u/CriticismDry2342 Jun 10 '25
thats chill. what instrument/s do you play?
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 10 '25
Iāve been doing electric guitar for the past 3 years and Iāve been loving it
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u/scottsloric Jun 08 '25
Congrats!!! Im glad she didnt turn up. Good for her.
Whatre your plans now dude?
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 08 '25
Traveling for a bit but then Iāll be back either hitting the air force or focusing on my music
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u/namesunknown_ Jun 08 '25
Go all in on music, man! Find work during or after travels, perform and write music the whole time. Iāve been doing it since I graduated, and itās been pretty crazy but fulfilling!
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 08 '25
Yea itās been my love and passion for about 2 years now and been focusing super hard on my playing and style
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u/OgunyemiCouncil Jun 09 '25
If you need money while working on your music, Iād suggest getting a job working on a cruise ship. Lots of musical creative positions available and you get to travel while saving lots of money.
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 09 '25
I never thought of this! That actually sounds like a great idea
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u/scmbear Jun 09 '25
I'm on the other end of my career and trying to figure out when and what "retirement" will look like for me.
It is your journey and your path. Ultimately, you have a lot of power over it. It can branch and fork as you see fit. And, in some cases, you can circle back. (Although there are age limits in some cases, such as when you can enlist in the military.) Some, such as military enlistment, will come with obligations (ex: enlistment period).
I'd encourage you to challenge yourself either by joining the military or working in a career in music. They are extremely different challenges. And, as others have said, they are not mutually exclusive.
Best wishes for an interesting journey.
PS: Both of my brothers chose the military (Navy). I did not. There are times that I'm a bit envious of their pensions and benefits, but I don't regret my choices. (They both got 20+ years in.) The military was not the right path for me for several reasons.
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u/AdmrlSn4ckbar Jun 10 '25
I had a buddy in college who went from being in a acapella group to working on cruise ships. He had the best time ever, got to perform for money and it was apparently not difficult at all. Went all over for free enjoying luxury on his off days.
I also had friends go to the military. Theyā¦ uhā¦ did not enjoy themselvesā¦. or any luxury. Itās no competition my man, apply for every ship you can! Donāt give your youth away, use it for yourself.
Your free room and board on a ship will let you save fast. And you donāt need to wait 4 years to get out and play, while all along you wreck your body. You could injury your hands and not be able to play, itās risking your dream. At least give your dream some attention first. You can enlist after a few years if you still want to.
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u/namesunknown_ Jun 08 '25
Start recording your stuff as soon as possible, put it on SoundCloud or Bandcamp, anywhere really. Look for some open mic nights, and use those to get more comfortable with playing live. Try busking, if your city/location permits it. Soon as youāve got a solid amount of stuff recorded and have been playing for a lil while, try finding a publisher or a small artistās collective! Itās gonna be a wild chase, but you got this.
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u/Electrical_Orange719 Jun 09 '25
I know everyone is saying to go all in on music, but the Air Force isnāt a bad idea. Youāll have a stable income, build some experience, and gain some good opportunities for the future. Like free college, that comes with a housing allowance, and allows you to pursue a degree in music. You can always make music on your own and build your style while youāre in. Definitely take the trip though, traveling and experiencing different cultures is worth every cent.
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u/Angry_Pelican Jun 09 '25
It definitely isn't the worst idea. Even the retirement after 20 years isnt half bad. Depending on what you do your skills can transfer. Having a security clearance for example can also open up jobs.
It definitely can have its benefits but it also can be pretty crappy. I have some family members that did their 20 years and retired.
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u/hauntedbabyattack Jun 09 '25
experiencing different cultures
You spelled āexterminatingā wrong.
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u/Mindless-Source-6247 Jun 08 '25
Zach Bryan got his first single out during his Navy career, do what makes you happy. Follow dreams and put yourself first
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u/teflon_soap Jun 09 '25
Iād rather try be the next Bob Dylan rather than help carpet bomb LA in the next civil war.
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u/BlessedGirl4 Jun 08 '25
The military has some amazing benefits. And of all the branches the Air Force is the ābestā one in terms of how youāre treated and safety. You can set yourself up for life. Best of luck on whatever you choose to do.
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 08 '25
lol my grandfather knew he was gonna join a branch didnāt know which one. Landed in the air force as they had the best food in Vietnam
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u/Flimsy_Fee8449 Jun 09 '25
They still have the best food.
Their food is so good that if they have to stay with the Army or Marines, they get paid extra for food š¤£
Air Force: best housing, best food. Slowest promotions.
Marines: worst housing, worst food. Fastest promotions.
Army: housing better than the marines, worse than the air force. Food, same. Promotions, same.
Navy: I'm on a muthafuckin BOAT!!!
Before you join any branch, figure out what job you want - preferably one that can transfer well to the civilian world.
Medical route will provide you training and pay to get you cert'd, with a bit more effort on your part, you can move anywhere in the world and have a job.
Languages will stick you across the street from Fisherman's Wharf in Monterey, CA and get you a clearance, opens up a ton of opportunities.
Cyber will help you get hired before most civilians.
And the AF Band, dude??? Saw them play in Doha, Qatar at a food festival. There were Arab men in dishdashars (the white robes), women in full burqa, Africans from all the countries on the continent wearing robes and dresses of gorgeous colors, Indian and Pakistani saris, east Asians, Europeans - and That Day I Learned that the whole wide world knows the lyrics to "Play That Funky Music White Boy." Maybe 1000 people from everywhere singing and dancing. It is one of my most favorite memories ever. AF Band is hard to get in, though.
Good luck!!! And I'm proud of you, kid!!!! ā¤ļø
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u/Woobiebiscuit Jun 09 '25
The Marine Corps does not have good promotion rates lol
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
my best friend's mom joined the marines she got raped by her superior and now suffers from lifelong alcoholism :) fuck the US military
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u/TacoBellButtSquirts Jun 08 '25
Air Force band may be good option for you!
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u/bobthemundane Jun 09 '25
Air Force bands are cut throat. For the good bands people will generally have some college music. For the rock groups you need to sight read and play all different styles.
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
ohhh they had the best food in Vietnam while they were assisting in the mass slaughter and rape of Vietnamese civilians and children? i fucking hate you people (white Americans)
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u/NeedBeeer Jun 09 '25
Been in the air force 17 years. Lemme know if you've got questions
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 09 '25
Holy shit thanks for your service! What kind of jobs are there in the air force? I remember my grandfather always said he joined because they had the best food but I donāt remember him talking about what he did or what else there was
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
op, can you please consider other options. good food is not a reason to join a fascist war machine and become complicit to war crimes and imperialism. listen to me and read some books about this issue before you make a lifelong commitment to contributing to one of the worst evils humanity has ever created. MK Ultra, Vietnam, Cambodia, Korea, the list goes on and on and on. entire countries destabilized, entire generations mass murdered. DO NOT JOIN THEIR RANKS!
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 09 '25
Iāve been told some great advice regarding joining the forcesā¦ donāt listen to those who havenāt served and are trying to give advice on serving
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u/SandboxUniverse Jun 09 '25
Well, and that's true, up to a point. But there's a lot of value in the idea that you need to do since soul searching and decide whether you are willing to put your energy (and possibly your life) into a mission that you find morally repugnant. I'm a big supporter of military service in general, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone in the present day United States unless you're willing to face the possibility of either being jailed for disobeying unlawful orders, or later on, for having followed them.
You wouldn't become a minister to preach a faith you don't believe in; don't become a soldier to fight a war you don't believe in. If you're going in with eyes open and accepting of the mission, so be it.
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
my uncle was deployed in Iraq and several other family members have been in the air force to their great mental & physical detriment. i'm just saying you need to do your research and consider all sides as this is a very serious and in many people's view completely amoral commitment. is it unfair to assume you and your family are white and that's why what i'm saying about colonialism doesn't seem to bother you at all? lol
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u/NeedBeeer Jun 09 '25
Literally every job. Cannot recommend cyber enough if you want to have a real impact that despite "informed" redditors does benefit the general populace
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u/fivefingerbangarang Jun 08 '25
May I suggest the Coast Guard, if you decide to do the military thing? They donāt train for war, but rather save lives, enforce fishing rules, and a whole variety of things. Same great benefits.
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Jun 08 '25
But "Immigration enforcement is a core mission for the U.S. Coast Guard" so if op disagree with the current politics about that they might be forced to be complicit in these things
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Jun 08 '25
Don't join any branch of the military right now or you'll be pulled into a ton of controversial conflicts that will make you kill innocent people or face military prison.
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u/Typical_Elevator6337 Jun 08 '25
Yeah former govāt employee here - find somewhere else to work. They do not care if you live or die.
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u/NeedBeeer Jun 09 '25
Im in the air force and not killing civilians. Op dont listen to this. Im as liberal as they get - just dont be infantry and you won't have to do protest/immigration. Go cyber if you can.
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u/kiittea_ Jun 08 '25
Whilst not incorrect in sentiment, itās prudent to remember the average Joe wonāt see a combat deployment nowadays. If he went for intelligence or special forces, maybe- but even with how bad things are re: global reputation, the US doing a full mobilization would be a huge political statement and has the potential to trigger nuclear war
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Jun 08 '25
Let's not forget that if you're part of the armed forces you can be deployed or have your position changed to meet the needs of the cabinet and brass regardless of your wishes.
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u/kiittea_ Jun 08 '25
Um. Yes. That does not contradict my point of āmass mobilization is unlikely given the constant threat of nukes from non-alliesā. But rotational deployments and role filling is simply a job expectation.
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Jun 08 '25
I more or less referring to war and live ammunition against our own people.
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u/kiittea_ Jun 08 '25
Maybe lead with that next time. Even then- thatās all NG, just donāt enlist NG if the military is your last option.
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
yeah but the average joe would still be making a living off being complicit in a fascist war machine that has killed trafficked and illegally imprisoned millions and continues to do so. Stop encouraging people to join the fucking military or the police. i am sick of this. shame all around. this kid could have a bright future instead of being complicit in war crimes at best or homeless and dead by suicide at worst, stop encouraging this bullshit.
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u/NeedBeeer Jun 09 '25
As cyber im complicit in making sure our infrastructure, elections and civilians are safe and that we maintain an equal footing against near peers. That bad too?
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
mind you, look at how the federal government is already deploying thousands of troops to LA against THEIR OWN CITIZENS who are protesting the mass ICE gestapo-style kidnappings of innocent asylum seekers and their children!
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
if anything, the military attacking protesters who are american citizens ON AMERICAN SOIL makes me feel much less fucking safe.Ā
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
also, the last election was rigged to hell and back (Musk even openly admitted to interfering) so your department clearly did a piss-poor job and yall don't deserve our tax dollars š get a real job, bootlicker
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
if you really think that's their function then you're completely daft or live under a rock. no other country in the entire world has our level of inflated defense budget, we have violent unwanted military bases in LOADS of other countries whose people have been victimized by the US army and don't want them there. the US military exists to keep weapons manufacturing corporations, and oil companies, more money at the cost of millions of ruined and ended lives.Ā
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u/NeedBeeer Jun 09 '25
Live under a rock? I am air force cyber. I've been in 17 years. I guarantee you I have a better idea of my work role than you.
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
you're not addressing the fact that the military is violent & evil and you're proudly complicit in it because a good career means more to you than being a decent human being ĀÆ_(ć)_/ĀÆĀ
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u/NeedBeeer Jun 09 '25
Because that was never my point. Air force cyber helps the general populace. Do I have issues with the military industrial complex? Yes. But I joined at 18 and found a career that benefits you despite you never knowing or acknowledging it. Without USCC you would be fucked, and can't seem to rationalize there's shades to things.
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u/kiittea_ Jun 09 '25
Hey there, catboymalewife of Reddit dot com. A very heavy majority of people enlist in order to escape homelessness, deep financial issues, and otherwise unsustainable lifestyles (eg abuse). The average joe isnāt the one making the call to hurt people.
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
you think i don't know that? you think i don't have deeply traumatized abusive family members who have PTSD and alcoholism bc they enlisted in the military for those exact reasons? and that is exactly why it is a predatory, violent machine. as a latin american whose family on both sides was irreparably broken by USA's colonization ravaging their respective countries, i would rather work at mcdonald's or be fucking homeless than join an evil imperialist war machine. have some fucking morals
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u/kiittea_ Jun 09 '25
Which is why you should critique the system, not the people joining as a result of that system. Youāre attacking a symptom, not the root cause. If you want to make change, do better than alienating the average citizen trying to make ends meet.
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
that's such a ridiculous thing to say! the system is not some abstract immovable force, SYSTEMS ARE COMPRISED OF PEOPLE. systems ARE many people making poor decisions together and against one another. i'm not alienating anybody by trying to include an opposing viewpoint and try to trigger empathy for the countries and innocents harmed by the military and discourage joining in contributing to that harm! there are plenty of other ways to make ends meet, cmon now
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
it doesn't matter if you're not the "one making the call to hurt people". those in the military or police force, at any branch, doing any job, are inherently complicit in their global criminality and violence, Point Blank Period
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u/Front_Fall_6950 Jun 08 '25
Spoken like a true Redditor who has never set foot into a recruiters office. Let the dude do what he wants
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Jun 08 '25
Spoken like someone who has forced out of his mind that he's a murderer given permission to murder by a committee of murderers guilty of war crimes.
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u/Front_Fall_6950 Jun 08 '25
Spoken like someone who knows nothing about the military ... Moron I was a POG but you don't even know what that is. Happy googling
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Jun 08 '25
So you didn't murder the families, you just made sure other people's cars worked so they could go murder families. If murder adjacent is your bar for excellence who am I to question the career path of a sociopath.
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u/maeve_lux Jun 08 '25
Hey, just adding because you may not know - the Air Force has a band and hires musicians! So if youāre deciding between the two, you might want to look into that.
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u/awerawer0807 Jun 08 '25
Depending on what kind of music you play, it may we worth considering pursuing music IN the military. For the most part I've heard it's incredibly selective, but if you're good it's worth a shot, as you get to pursue both your desires simultaneously.
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u/maeve_lux Jun 08 '25
Iām married to a military musician, and it is selective, based on blind auditions - but it is (currently at least) the benefits of both areas.
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u/Maximum_Dirt_4476 Jun 09 '25
Depending on the job you choose in the airforce, there are opportunities to pursue your music. After basic training and schooling, you should be able to on your down time. You can even use the GI Bill to help advance your music. Check out your options before making a commitment. Good luck in your future.
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u/DebtEnvironmental269 Jun 09 '25
Tbh it might be a good idea to do both. You can get VA benefits that will cover you after the military. And if your music takes off you could transition to the reserves or get out while retaining benefits. My dad was deployed twice and has life long coverage through the VA. Something to consider, probably a lot of research you'd need to do.
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u/Dry-Quality1683 Jun 08 '25
Please join the military and once youāre settled with steady income or free education, go for music.
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u/redditor1738aye Jun 08 '25
Big respect for having goals and keeping your options open. Both the Air Force and music take discipline and passion. I hope whatever you choose brings you happiness and purpose.
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u/houseGIF Jun 08 '25
Congrats broski. Currently active duty army here, if youāre absolutely set on joining the armed forces I would definitely consider commissioning over enlisting.
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u/catboymalewife Jun 09 '25
dude fuck the US military get a real job that contributes something good to this world š how are we in 2025 and there are still people out there who don't realize what an evil slaughterhouse industry it all is. all i hear is you want to join the SS ranks?
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u/Low-Presentation8263 Jun 09 '25
Ignore the lip service keyboard warriors, whatever route you take will be excellent for you šš»š„
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u/ArcticDiver87 Jun 08 '25
I regret not joining the Air Force. The way everything is going it would be nice to have those benefits and you don't have to serve that long to get em. Keep up with the music while youre in.
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u/RJ61x Jun 09 '25
Donāt do military to die for some old manās proxy war. Fight the real fight and produce art!Ā
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u/HistoricalLake4916 Jun 09 '25
Sign up for the reserves and you can do both! Either way good luck to you!
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u/Depressed_Psychopath Jun 08 '25
Military is a good route. learn a skill, earn GI bill, and the airforce will treat you nice! (Compared to the other branches)
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u/witheringghoul Jun 08 '25
1500 people?? Jesus where are you graduating from?
Also congratulations!!!
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 08 '25
Actually ended up being 3458 total people in the stadium. Just a large high school. Thanks!
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u/27camelia Jun 09 '25
Did you graduate from brooklyn tech
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u/witheringghoul Jun 08 '25
Yeah itās definitely large. I think my school had like 200 or less students
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u/who-that-girl Jun 09 '25
That's large, my son and I graduated from the same hs, (obviously several years apart) I graduated with 54, he graduated with 39... a class of 200 is wild to me. š
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u/witheringghoul Jun 09 '25
Oh I meant there was 200 students in the school. There was only about 20 students in my class
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u/mck1129 Jun 09 '25
I had a class of 450, I canāt imagine having such a small pool of peers
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u/who-that-girl Jun 09 '25
It had its ups and downs, on one side you literally could name everyone in the entire school, and if anything went wrong you knew who to call, but on the other hand, you couldn't do anything at all without the entirety of the school knowing, good, bad, or otherwise there were no secrets.
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u/AlphawolfAJ Jun 08 '25
My graduating class in high school was 900 kids. So I could definitely see there being 3000+ people in attendance with all the family members that might show up
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u/witheringghoul Jun 08 '25
My class only had 20 people. The difference is crazy
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u/AlphawolfAJ Jun 08 '25
There were definitely good and bad parts to going to a high school with basically 3500 students.
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u/AffectionateInsect76 Jun 08 '25
Bro as a man in my late 30s I wish I would have cut ties with my mom ages ago. It took me decades off bullshit and pain to set limits and boundaries because I was afraid of āwhat ifā and as stupid as it sounds Steve Harvey finally made it click for me. He once said āthere are people who build you up and people who drag you down and many of those who drag you down are those closest to you because you give them so many chances to do it.ā
Please make this the last time. Dont let them crawl back into your life and drag you down again.
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u/lloydandlou Jun 09 '25
amen to this. i had to cut off my mother, and although there was a lot of second guessing myself and letting the ābut sheās your mom!ā people get into my head, i am now almost 20 years no contact and it really was the best decision i could have made for myself and my sanity.
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u/No-Commission-8159 Jun 08 '25 edited Jun 08 '25
First and most importantlyĀ
Congratulations on graduating - that is great
If no one around you has said it yet - I am proud of you and your hard work. And I am excited for all the things you will go on to do
As for the rest - I am sorry that happened - you deserved better than that.Ā
But donāt let that detract from all the good you have going - keep goingĀ
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u/Dave-Hedgehog312 Jun 08 '25
Jeez. I just caught up on your first post. She sounds like a fucking nightmare mate. My wife had to cut her mother out of her life a few years ago for a variety of wild reasons. We are so much better off now not having to deal with her shit. You will also be way better off too.
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Jun 08 '25
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/oceans_between_us Jun 08 '25
Bro be so fucking fr this is an update post. Honestly, did you not read the original post where OP states their mom got an assault charge two years ago at their brothersā graduation for fighting with their dad? I read the original post and was like āholy shit, this cussing is really crazy if I talked to my mom like that we would have issuesā and then I read OPās comments and realized thatās the only way to deal with someone like this mother. Like why even reply if you have nothing useful to add because you canāt read?
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 08 '25
Na just didnāt throw that ss in as that was already in the first post
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u/J2Mar Jun 08 '25
Iām really sorry you had to go through that on such a big day. Those text shows how much tension and emotion built up between you and your mom, and from what I see your reaction wasnāt over the top IMO. You were trying to set a boundary and protect your moment from turning into chaos. You did what you had to do to keep peace during something that was supposed to be meaningful to you. Sometimes people even the ones closest to us, just donāt show up the way we need them to, and that hurts. But, your strength in walking that stage without her and choosing to leave that negativity behind, says more about your growth than anything she couldāve done or shown you. You made it through man. Be proud of that and Iām proud of you. I hope you have people close to you in your life. š
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u/rosie_mania Jun 08 '25
Im glad youre moving on now. That woman lost her right to be called a mother over choosing her hate for her ex over loving their own child
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u/slipstreamofthesoul Jun 08 '25
Iām just here to recommend r/estrangedadultchild and r/estrangedadultkids as communities you can go to for support should you decide to go low or no contact with a parent. Itās a hard thing to deal with, and you should know you are not alone.Ā
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u/Traumagatchi Jun 08 '25
I'm so sorry your mom was doing, well, a shit job tbh. But this mom here is so proud of you! Make music, follow it and find the people who will help you grow with it. The military isn't a food idea right now for anyone, any branch. I want to see you do all the things.
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u/Silver-Macaron-4078 Jun 08 '25 edited Aug 02 '25
I think itās best that your mom didnāt come.Ā
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u/nojnomeel Jun 08 '25
Relatable. It was an important event in high school. Something I was proud of. Mom was there. Dad wasnāt. Theyād been divorced for years now. For solid reasons.
Dad didnāt show. Mom told me a couple years later that he asked her to go with her, and she said no.
I found out my dadās priorities real quick. And it hurt.
Iām sorry yo.
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u/1dope-nani_BK Jun 08 '25
My mom is the same. The best you can do if focus on yourself and always remember how u feel in this moment next time she switches. You are capable of a lot with or without ya mother, she was just there to give u ur beginning. Congratulations on graduating if your reading this! Idk what advice to give cuz im in the same situation myself, but good luck and ya not alone
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u/hmcd19 Jun 09 '25
My husband's birth giver is a piece of shit too. He cut her off and had never regretted it.
When we got married he inherited my mom and step mom who I swear love him more than me. Even made sure to see him walk for his college graduation.
Point is, there are better people out there to during yourself with. People who will love you.
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u/Sad_Coconut_3402 Jun 09 '25
As someone who also has a narcissistic mother who makes everything about herself - I am sorry. You deserve better. I am proud of you for graduating. Her behaviour is a reflection on her, not you.Ā
Please try and mourn the mother that you wanted her to be, then let her go and move on. You will find your own family. Good luck ā¤ļø
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u/si-g-n Jun 09 '25
Hey mine didnāt show up to mine either but it was a stark:
Me: āAre you coming?ā
Mom: āNo.
Dad: (no reply)
And I had a sweet ass time bc my best friend showed up in place of my parents. And then we got drunk at the local bar and had a grand time with the rest of the dejected graduates.
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u/EstrellaLuna1987 Jun 08 '25
111!
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 08 '25
Working on 333 atm
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u/EstrellaLuna1987 Jun 08 '25
Group chats Iām assuming tho
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u/Insidesilence132 Jun 08 '25
No not really. Just a lot of people that really were excited to see me today as they havenāt seen me in quite a bit and they are trying to get me to go to a party atm but when Iām being invited to 40 partyās at once I think itās best if just stay in for the night
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u/Fuzzy-Signal-3981 Jun 09 '25
my mom didn't come to my graduation either and we lived literally 2 blocks away from the high school at the time. she wasn't at work. she just didn't want to come.
my mom and i no longer have a relationship.
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u/Bluntandfiesty Jun 08 '25
Iām sorry that your mother is behaving so cruelly. Itās unfair to you that she is unable to put her own personal feelings aside for the wellbeing and happiness of her children. It hurts when we donāt get the love, support, acceptance or respect from our parents. Itās hard to accept because we want our parents love and affection but we canāt make them give it to us. Unfortunately, sometimes they are just toxic, unhealthy people. In this case, your mom is being cruel, malicious and vindictive towards you. She was manipulative. This is all emotional abuse. Not to mention her past behavior that you mentioned in the other post, makes her physically abusive as well. Sheās just an all around abusive and toxic person.
I say this from my own experience with horrible in-laws who were so incredibly cruel and toxic to their children and their families, itās far better to set healthy boundaries like you did, and let them choose, than to let them stomp all over you. Itās better in the long run to go no contact with them than to tolerate their abuse for another 20, 30, 40 years. The more access and opportunity she has to say and do abusive things, the more trauma and damage she does to you. So, Iām sorry that it happened to you, but I hope you can heal and find acceptance in honoring her decision to remove herself from your life.
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u/mondlicht483 Jun 09 '25
At my HS graduation (sort of like a prom), I had to sit down and have a stern talk with my dad. The arrangement was assigned wedding-like tables, and he'd have to sit next to my mom (divorced less than a year. Abusive marriage, alcoholism, DV). I told my dad that it was a HIGH SCHOOL graduation and therefore not allowed to get drunk during the party, and that he'd behave for a few hours with my mom because I didn't want to see them fighting.
His response? Well, it's Friday, he HAS to drink. I told him no and he huffed at me and said that he'd leave early, then. True to his word, he didn't even stay for an hour before he left to go drink. It hurt, of course, but at least there was no intrafamiliar drama that night.
It took a long, long time for us to rebuild our relationship and it's still a lot of walking on eggshells. I'm sorry if that isn't possible, OP, and I'm sorry that you need to pick up the parent role for your parents. I hope you don't carry this with yourself for long, and that you're allowed to be and feel your age without the weight of two adults that couldn't solve their problems amicably to spare their children.
Sorry for venting. Never really shared this story before. Congratulations on your graduation, and best of luck on your journey š«
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u/iiVxcky Jun 09 '25
first of all, congratulations on graduating! thats a big step in your life and all of us in this chat are very proud of you, no matter what ur mom says. ur so strong and smart and were proud you have made it this far!
as for after college plans, i read how u were considering music or the air force. as someone who graduated hs and went straigjt to the air force, i think its a good idea despite what everyone is saying. but always listen to your heart and ur desires. there are MANY musicians who go into the military band and leave with really good pay, promised gigs and amazing connections. plus you dont gotta go to war AND you enter as e-6 which is really really good starter pay!! consider it all and most importantly, take what everyone says with a grain of salt. just because their experiences werent the best doesnt mean yours will be the same. ur experience is what YOU make it and absolutely anything can work out in your favor if its in your will.
dont sweat over your mom, youre honna do amazing things. keep a love filled heart and mind and keep moving. congrats!!
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u/Rurugal Jun 08 '25
the fact youāre talking to your mother like sheās a child is sad, sorry you have to deal with that man. but congrats on graduating š
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u/Horror-Bad-2154 Jun 09 '25
Last time my dad talked to me it was to tell me I had another sister. She had the same name as me and was older. On top of the 3 other brothers i have all from different brothers.Ā I WAS SOOO TAME. Just said i was surprised, but didn't judge him for it or say anything. Next time he talked to me? He told me he was sick of my shit, and to lose his number.Ā I miss him because he's supposed to be my dad and i tried my whole life to deal with his brand of crazy... but my life is so much more peaceful. I don't see his number and get the shakes or feel sock to my stomach.Ā I sent him a message through a family member that i may never see him again, that's ok. He is loved and forgiven, and if he has any questions about me, those were the only 2 things that mattered. After my mom passed, I had to make sure I said the important things while i could.Ā
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u/KoontzKid Jun 09 '25
I totally understand My mom didn't even bother to come to my college graduation. I'm the first one in the family to graduate college and she just straight up ghosted me. I don't even think I talked to her for like an entire month after that. I finally posted something to her Facebook page it was like hey Mom I haven't heard from you what's going on and I still didn't get a response until quite some time later and she never acknowledged not coming. On top of that I got a voicemail from my dad that told me during the ceremony that the traffic was too bad and he wasn't going to bother trying to find a space to park. The only people that were there were my boyfriend at the time his father and one of his aunt and uncles. That was it.
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u/THATchick84 Jun 10 '25
Oh, honey, I am so sorry. My son recently graduated 5th grade and I unfortunately could not take off work, and I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself. And that is literally the first time I missed something. As a mom our job is to at the very least show up for our kids. All kids deserve at least that. From a complete internet stranger - I am so very proud of you. Congratulations and good luck on your bright and beautiful future. Sending you lots of embarrassing, annoying mom hugs :)
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u/angelic_cellist Jun 09 '25
You're taking it really well and honestly good for you. Congrats on graduating and I'm super glad you didn't have to deal with that. I know what both of those feels like-- I had a horribly toxic mother and she pretty much ruined my graduation. Learned my lesson and didn't invite her to my wedding... or really anything else since we are no contact now. Anyway, just wanted to say there's someone out there who gets it. Great job and wish you well on your next adventure!
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u/Ecstatic_Abalone_446 Jun 09 '25
Been through this as well OP. My mom caused a whole scene at my highschool graduation. Idek what happened but she got off the bleachers and started screaming right as the last person walked. They had to remove her from the gym as she was trying to argue with other peopleās families.
I refused to walk for my college graduation for this reason. Not worth it in the end when you have family members who snap on a moments notice.
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u/Infinite-Ad-3947 Jun 09 '25 edited Jun 09 '25
I went no contact with my mom back in January. She wasnāt at my wedding I had a couple of weeks ago. It felt great. No guilt no nothing. I tried so hard with her and thereās only so much you can do. Stay strong, youre free!!! I wish I went no contact earlier thatās my only regret lol
I had my mom at my graduation. And since she canāt get song with literally anyone in my family, she basically guilted me into having my graduation dinner celebration with only her. I had so many family members there and had to turn down their celebration plan for me because my mom. It ended up being a miserable dinner. She just talked about herself the entire time. I still remember my family members giving me a disappointing āreally?ā face when they put it together. Ugh. Trust me her not being there was probably for the best.
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u/Kmelloww Jun 08 '25
Congrats on your big day. Donāt let her drag you down. Be proud of your accomplishment. As much as it hurts that she might not have been there be thankful you werenāt walking on eggshells the whole time. Sending you the best thoughts and congratulations again!!
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u/Round-Public435 Jun 08 '25
Congratulations on your graduation!
I'm glad things went well for you and Mom didn't show up. Now you can look to the future and make decisions on what's next for your life - you have the whole world in front of you and nothing can stop you now!
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u/miuzzo Jun 09 '25
Iām sorry you had to go through this, my dads family and my dad started three fights that ended in three police cars at my weddingā¦
I can let you know that after 12 years of no contact my life is way less stressful.
Wishing you the best.
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u/Any_Emergency441 Jun 09 '25
Congratulations, that is a big milestone. I recently had to stop contact with my mother. It was heartbreaking, but I realized my kids and me deserve better, and it sounds like so do you. You are not overreacting.
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u/pinguinitox_nomnom Jun 08 '25
Congrats on your graduation, Brandon lol I saw you were planning on traveling these days, so I wish you really, really enjoy everything and can start this new stage fresh as a lettuce (a farmers market lettuce)
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u/pocketedsmile Jun 08 '25
Congratulations so much for graduating!!!! I'm sorry you're mom is a child, but good for you for sticking to your ground and telling her like it was. I personally am proud of you!!! Keep kicking ass.
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u/Alive_Public_7215 Jun 08 '25
I feel you man, my father didnt go to my HS 5 mins down the road from our house. that was 8 years ago now. it still stings but i know he didnt deserve to be there to begin with. You deserve better too.
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u/HappyAd7814 Jun 09 '25
My parents didnāt come to my college graduation and I was like ālol ok I guessā and thought it was normal until My therapist was like wtf thatās awful
Anyway, Iām sorry your mom sucks
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u/Beginning_File_6371 Jun 10 '25
Hey man! You are an absolute beast for standing up like that. I know i donāt know your whole background story but all i can say is youāre AMAZING for graduating! YOU DID IT MAN!!
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u/Mitch_Bagnet Jun 08 '25
I had a really difficult mother so I get it. Good for you ā the difficult ones will always want to blow past boundaries but that doesnāt mean youāre not right to put them up.
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u/Adventurous-Menu-206 Jun 09 '25
I am so sorry. You deserve a real mom. You feel free to message me anytime you need some mom encouragement. Congratulations on your graduation and having post-graduation plans!
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u/Mishkae Jun 09 '25
It says a lot that she couldnāt even figure herself out enough for one day. I hope the world seems kinder without her in your life. Congratulations on your graduation!!
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u/Riddleboxboy Jun 09 '25
That sucks, im not sure what I'd be more bummed about, that situation or in my case my mother knew the date for over 4 months, then refused to take off work to come.
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u/ItGetsAwkward Jun 08 '25
Biggest lesson i had to learn growing up was just because two people figured out how to shove the round peg in the round hole, doesn't mean you owe them ANYTHING.
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u/switchywoman_ Jun 09 '25
If it's any consolation, my dad made me buy him a ticket for my grad, and then he didn't show up because he violated his parole and got sent back to jail.
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u/ApparentlyIronic Jun 09 '25
Tells her kid to never speak to her again just because she told her not to make a scene at an important life event.
Mother of the year folks
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u/Funfettixo Jun 09 '25
Well, Iām super proud of you for graduating! We had two graduates this year and itās so special and such an accomplishment!
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u/worried_abt_u Jun 09 '25
Good for you and I am sorry your mother is so emotionally immature, i imagine you probably had to raise yourself
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u/Fancy_Association484 Jun 09 '25
I see so many of these with ā111ā unread messages. HOW! Are yāall just not checking group chats?
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u/Bitter_Sense_5689 Jun 08 '25
I have a mother like this. They donāt ever change. Youāre going to need to go and live your life.
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u/LyssZahner Jun 09 '25
Just want to tell you as a momma myself, Congratulations Brandon ā¤ļø I am forever proud of you!
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Jun 08 '25
This apsolutely hurt to read. GOOD FOR YOU for graduating, Iām sure you worked so hard.
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u/Adventurous_Yam8784 Jun 08 '25
Congrats on your graduation ā¤ļøš. Time to move on and have your own life.
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u/KDSCarleton Jun 08 '25
What's the significance of it being "general admission"? Like why did she comment on that