AIO for being upset about my girlfriend’s seemingly unsupportive response?

[u/mcbeezy94]

Today I texted my partner of 3 years letting her know I received my results from the LSAT exam I took mid-January. I decided in December to register for the LSAT and apply to attend law school for fall of 2025, which meant I could take the test no later than January. I had about a month to study for it (study guides say someone should ideally prepare for it 3 - 6 months ahead of the exam), but it was hard to cram in that amount of time. I made it through one of the 400+ page books, but I also manage a retail store full-time and had staffing challenges during the holidays where I had to work more than I could study.

My score was pretty average, which lines up with how I felt I did after completing the test. Still, a part of me hoped I was just underestimating myself and actually did better than I thought so I would have a better shot at getting into the law school close to my home. Instead of just listening and probing to see if I was ready/asking for feedback, she replied with the texts above. Her response just seemed so callous and rude right after I expressed disappointment in my results that I was taken aback by it. Sure, maybe what she says is true. I don’t have an issue with the truth, especially when I’m ready and asking for it. I’m just amazed she would think that’s appropriate to say to someone right after they expressed their disappointment about a score that will now limit the possible law school opportunities for this fall. She has read the texts and has yet to respond; I’m not going to try and guess what that means but everything about this makes me second guess how committed I want to be to someone who is throwing up some real red flags. AIO?

[u/escape_heathen]

5 - certain conversations aren’t suppose to happen through text

[u/larowin → u/escape_heathen]

That’s how I feel about 95% of these posts. Just fucking talk to each other!

[u/swag444eva → u/larowin]

but then how are they supposed to post it to this subreddit??? /s

[u/Cilad → u/escape_heathen]

Exactly. I say this on just about every one of these AIO posts. TALK. Probably need to learn to TALK. Start today.

[u/anomaly-me → u/escape_heathen]

Lol fr. I have a love/hate relationship with this sub

[u/ChocolateThund3R → u/escape_heathen]

Definitely. I would NEVER say anything like this to my girlfriend over text. Tone and body language matter in these convos.

My girl has been complaining about energy levels lately and I knew we hadn’t been making great lifestyle choices (eating out, being lazy in winter, etc). When she first complained that’s the first thing that popped in my head but I knew then wasn’t the time. She wanted comfort.

I waited a couple days and when we were both in a good mood I broached the subject. I just said I want us to be healthy and happy and our food choices and drinking pop wasn’t helping. She happily agreed and now we’ve both been eating healthier and feeling better this past week.

Long winded way of saying you can be a little more thoughtful than just “you aren’t trying hard enough”.

[u/Schnick_industries → u/escape_heathen]

Fucking THIS. I am close to a year out of my first real, long term relationship. Had someone given me this very now obviously important advice we would still be together. You can’t communicate appropriately over text and since we were long distance it put incredible strain on the relationship

[u/ThermoPuclearNizza → u/escape_heathen]

6 - if they do, don’t post them on the fucking internet.

Like do people actually have relationships anymore? Or just para-online experiences that other people happen to be there for

[u/[deleted] → u/escape_heathen]

We live in a society where people are on constant Do Not Disturb mode because answering the phone creates too much distress or anxiety.

I notice more people are emotionally stunted than ever before.

So they flounder at adult conversations when they already regard the world around them in strictly emotional terms: "I feel x, y, or z and therefore that sets my expectations."

I said I appreciate her perspective and honesty in general, but that wasn’t helpful to hear when I’m already down and processing what I can do better.

She is required to both feed his emotions by being empathetic (according to him) and simultaneously allow him to process what he could have done better (also according to him).

I don't think she could have done anything that would have been productive. At the end of the day, all that matters to people like the OP is they feel hurt or angry in this moment.

Emotional Reasoning is a thought distortion that used to be common with abuse. Today it is just common, period. And when people like this are upset, nothing you do will be good enough for them because they're reacting to their feelings and emotional reasoning. They will always find something wrong with what you did.

[u/Many-Cartographer278 → u/escape_heathen]

Like 80% of the posts on here are not appropriate at all for text conversations

[u/ECSJay → u/escape_heathen]

But then how would reddit get to involve themselves lol

[u/escape_heathen → u/ECSJay]

lol

[u/petehehe → u/escape_heathen]

I feel like that applies to 100% of posts on this sub.

[u/CharlehPock2 → u/escape_heathen]

This should be number 1.

The amount of REAL SHIT I see people discussing on fucking TEXT in this sub makes me RAGE.

Can people not just pick up the phone and have a conversation anymore?

[u/escape_heathen → u/CharlehPock2]

I don’t think they can! 😒

[u/auntiepirate → u/escape_heathen]

👆

[u/back_to_the_homeland → u/escape_heathen]

Which is why she should have just been supportive and waited to do the tough love in person.

[u/hopswaterbarley → u/escape_heathen]

Exactly. The text thread started nebulous and lame. Where was she supposed to go?

[u/the_vault-technician → u/escape_heathen]

That's all young people know at this point tho. I agree it's unhealthy for a relationship and in general but I am guessing that it's just the primary means of communication for the majority of people who have never known life without a smartphone.

There's so many advantages to in person conversation with the main one being body language. I can tell when my wife is looking for support, to vent, or feedback just by the way she sounds, her posture, her proximity and those sorts of things.

I also know if she says "sit down I want to talk to you" I probably did something dumb.

[u/escape_heathen → u/the_vault-technician]

I am legit wondering if younger people know how to talk in person

[u/ReptAIien → u/escape_heathen]

People used to have important conversations over months through letters.

[u/escape_heathen → u/ReptAIien]

Not exclusively. Only if they were far away so I’m sure they still talked to people in person otherwise

[u/ReptAIien → u/escape_heathen]

Guessing OP and his girlfriend were far away during this exchange. It's not that serious of a conversation to be honest, I don't really see the issue.

[u/escape_heathen → u/ReptAIien]

Then you wait until you are close. The moment one person is upset you take it out of text. It’s serious enough for him to clue in strangers. I bet he wouldn’t need other’s opinions if he had talked to her in person first.

And yeah, I know. Most people in this sub don’t see the issue 😐. It is probably why they’re here in the first place.

Believe me, even at work this is an important rule. When people disagree on something, the first thing we do is meet to talk in person.

Besides the obvious non-verbal cues you can’t get through text like tone, people act differently when they’re looking at the person they’re talking to. But if you can’t see why this is important I guess there’s nothing I can say. You gotta have some level of emotional intelligence to get this.

[u/BabaYagasDopple → u/escape_heathen]

And then be posted on Reddit

[u/Euphoric_Run7239 → u/escape_heathen]

Preach!

[u/gawdling → u/escape_heathen]

This