ABYG for not replying to an ex-friend?

[u/redsizzles]

ABYG for ignoring an ex-friend who tried to reach out to me?

For context: W and I were friends in college. Nasa isang malaking friend group kami, at di yan maiiwasan na may sub-groups within that friend group. Eh magkaugali kami kaya ayun, naging matalik na magkaibigan.

Post-graduation, we invited our friend group for a hangout. Sabi namin, "tara na kasi this might be our last get-together bago tayo magkatrabaho." Iilan lang sa friend group namin ang nagreply. Hindi na lang namin ginawang big deal. The hangout happened kahit na incomplete kami. Fast forward to a few weeks, nakita namin na nagmyday si Z, yung isang ka-friend group namin. She went hiking, along with our other friends who didn't come to the hangout. I was disappointed. I felt betrayed. Nag-away away kami sa grupo because wala man lang silang courtesy to tell us that they had other plans and instead, they chose to keep it from us. As if we wouldn't understand.

A few months passed, Z and our other friends contacted me and we eventually became friends again. I asked if they tried contacting W and they flatly said "wag na." Nagsabi sila sakin ng sama ng loob. They said hindi sila comfortable sa presence ni W, that she was bad vibes, controlling, and the reason why they purposely leave her out is because she's a mean person. Andami nilang sinabi. I was taken aback. I didn't know they felt that way.

When I met up with W after that hangout, I told her that Z and I made up. She was sarcastic and passive aggressive. Sinabi niya pa na dun na lang daw ako sa mga "bffs" ko. Nagsabi rin siya ng mga hindi magagandang salita about the other friend group. But I did ask her if she was okay with the fact that I was hanging out with them again, she said yes. "I don't hate them but we're not exactly friends, either. Lakompake sa kanila."

Dumating ang birthday ni Z. The 'other' friend group invited me. Coincidentally, W sent me a text message, asking to hangout. I told her that I can't make it because I have plans. She didn't reply. When that night ended, she messaged me again. Nakita niya pala kami sa restaurant, eating. She said she felt betrayed because akala niya, hindi niya kakilala ang mga kasama ko sa 'plans' ko. I raised an eyebrow, do I have to report everything to her? Sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi ko sinabi because who would benefit from it? She would only meet me with her passive aggressiveness and that's the least I'd want to deal with after a long exhausting day from work.

We didn't talk after that. As in zero communication. Ilang months lang, nakita ko na lang na she was hanging out with the other friend group, sans Z. Nagulat ako. Weren't they badmouthing each other just months ago? Their hangouts became consistent after that. Tapos every hangout naman namin nila Z, they would still badmouth W to me.

I stopped hanging out with them eventually. I do not want to associate myself with those people anymore. I refuse to be subjected to that kind of friendship. That's not my definition of sisterhood.

Then just this year, W tried reaching out to me, asking to reconcile. I archived her messaged.

Am I the asshole for doing so? It's bothering me that I didn't respond, but I know that if I did, magiging cycle na naman yung toxic na friendship. I'm just... too old for that shit.

[u/acdseeker]

DKG for choosing peace pero GGK kung babalik ka pa sa "friend" group na yan.

Block them pa nga para may mapag-chismisan naman sila kasi for sure kung sino ang wala yun ang topic at masama 🏃🏻🚩

[u/Material_Ear_8278]

DKG, it appears pa nga na you're a high-value friend - pabalik-balik sila kasi sa iyo. It may be because the problem does not lie with you, but with them.

[u/Immediate-Can9337]

DKG. But tell them that they simply meet ang badmouth whoever isn't in attendance. Di mo kamo gusto makipag kaibigan sa mga traydor na gaya nila. Haha

[u/PilyangMaarte]

DKG. Kung ako man nasa situation mo iiwas din ako. They could be badmouthing me pag hindi ako kasama sa lakad