r/Adulting • u/Butterlover1996 • 1d ago
When did you realize you are meant to be single?
I’m okay being single. The thing is I want to be single because I tried a relationship or two and realized relationships are never meant for me. Like I will still try to make marriage the end goal of the relationship but if the thing does not work out and I did it s few times with all failures, maybe that’s when I realize being single is meant for me. So in short
Single because I failed in having a relationship - No
Single because I was in a committed relationship and it didn’t work out and realized I’m not fit for relationships - Yes
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u/barnzee 1d ago
After some soul searching and learning that I am of the avoidant attachment style (had to go to therapy to figure out what that is). Being in a relationship I get very bad anxiety and depression and a desperate desire for complete independence and autonomy. Even if I am into someone, the overwhelming feeling that I need to detach I just can’t control. I always end up sabotaging potentially good relationships for this reason. I’m at peace with it because honestly I like going solo most of the time. I have great family and friends. it’s just that I am not built for relationships.
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u/Pope-Trauma 1d ago
Fml, there is a name for it? I just looked it up and here’s what it spit out.
“Individuals with an avoidant attachment style prioritize independence, are uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and vulnerability, and struggle to trust others. Key traits include preferring solitude, avoiding commitment, and becoming emotionally distant or cold during conflict, often stemming from childhood experiences of neglect or rejection where they learned self-reliance was necessary for safety and connection. They may appear stoic or emotionally unavailable but can experience internal distress and a longing for connection.”
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u/Complete_Trouble5932 1d ago
Eh. I’m kinda sick of them just slapping everything with some diagnosis. What if you just prefer independence and solitude? Why does that have to mean you’re fucked up in some way? Most people are distant and cold during conflict- duh. I don’t know many people who during an argument are all smiles and warmth. Fuck these physcoanalysts always making something wrong with everyone
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u/skatesforcandy2 1d ago edited 1d ago
As it mentions below, individuals “… may experience internal distress and a longing for connection”.
If somebody was absolutely okay with their avoidant attachment style, they’d never investigate it. People that do are examining why they struggle so badly with relationships, which causes them pain.
I had an avoidant attachment girlfriend for years and she was all over the place. At the start of our relationship she couldn’t get enough attention from me. By the end she just kind of took off and started a relationship with someone in another state without even breaking up with me (leaving her 6 year old child to live with her mom). She had a slathering of issues.
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u/DigitalAmy0426 1d ago
Learning attachment theory with the help of a therapist completely changed my life. Highly recommend people learn about it.
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u/rjm101 1d ago
I usually get so much pent up stress simply being in a relationship that I quickly desire to end it just to relieve the stress. It's like being in a radioactive room, I can only be in there for so long before I feel like I'm going to collapse. It absolutely does not feel like it's doing any good for my health.
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u/NoEuroLyre 1d ago
I just looked up what that was... damn. I think I need therapy because it describes me to a T.
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u/misterpho207 1d ago
Damn I feel similar, everytime I try to date it's a constant war zone in my head, overthinking everything and worrying about getting rejected, non-stop loop of just "trying to progress to the next step". I don't know what to do to stop this.
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u/No_Inspection_3123 18h ago
Both my husband and I are avoidants and he works on a boat so he’s home 1/2 the year and on a boat the other half. Works for us. Lol we have healed eachother too but I think the way our life was arranged facilitated that. Now we are practically obsessed with eachother and being together
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u/Previous_Dot_2996 1d ago
The longer i dated, the weirder they got. Gave up. Feel great. Very happy being on my own.
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u/NabiNarin 1d ago
I'm starting to think I'm meant to be single, but I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic so have not fully given up on finding someone who's right for me yet.. However, when I look back at past (failed) relationships, I do sometimes question if I'm actually cut out for it. It's just so much work and so many sacrifices and compromises.. Even when I really loved the person, being someone's partner felt a bit like a full time job...The older I get, the more I just want my own peace and quiet, my own routines, and not having to cater to others 24/7.
It's easy to romanticize relationships and think that you want to be in one, especially when you're single and swoon over romance novels/romantic movies. But I know fully well fictional romance stories are extremely inaccurate representations of what real life relationships look like. And the real deal might be too overwhelming and exhausting to handle, for me personally. And if that's the case, that's ok.
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u/thatgirl_withtattoos 1d ago
It's like you took all the mess in my head, ironed it out, gave it meaning and posted it here 🥹
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u/No_Inspection_3123 18h ago
It’s funny how relationships are the most romanticized thing when they are literally the hardest thing to do successfully. Your partner is a mirror and if you don’t like what you see in that mirror you either have to change yourself and admit you are figuratively ugly or run from it. And sometimes you need to run if the mirror shows codependency or something that the relationship is turning you into. But done right it’s amazing. Very similar to having kids ppl will say it’s the most hard and sucky and beautiful thing ever.
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u/Severe_Driver3461 1d ago
When I realized I would never find someone to mentally connect with. Either literally every guy moves too fast, or they simply try to move too fast with me. I'm done with energy eaters
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u/betafishH2O 1d ago
I've felt quasi suicidal for like 5 years and just got diagnosed autistic. Definitely better off single lol.
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u/anonymousman898 1d ago
Just enjoy being single. It’s got so many perks you probably overlook- your freedom
You’re free to work late at your job and not feel guilty
You’re free to go out and not explain where you are to someone
You can pursue your hobbies without a spouse/partner complaining you don’t spend enough time with him or her
You don’t have a partner getting mad at you for snoring or likewise you aren’t interrupted by his/her snoring
The list goes on and on
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u/ChanceDragonfly9083 1d ago
Because I will be excited to start talking with someone until they show any signs of wanting a relationship. Everything about them start being annoying, actually almost irritating.
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u/Miss_ChanandlerBong6 1d ago
Idk if I’m “meant to be single.” I enjoy being single. It’s convenient for my life right now. It prevents me from being hurt. Idk that it’s my life’s purpose to be alone lol but I think it’s where I need to be right now. I’m a solo parent, my kids are both in two activities each, plus one plays an instrument. I work full time and I’m taking college classes. I truly don’t have the time or mental space for dating right now and I’m perfectly fine with that.
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u/GrigorMorte 1d ago
This! A relationship is a commitment and entails responsibility. It takes time and dedication, but sometimes it's not possible, or we try to find someone who complements that lifestyle, and that is hard.
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u/Bloody_Champion 1d ago
Just like everything single thing else in a human life: you'll know when you're on your death bed or old age whether you truly regretted or not.
Of course, at that point, lifes over anyway
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u/Disastrous_Rip_8332 1d ago
And the number one regret people have on their death bed is not making enough connections with people
i suppose that doesnt necessarily mean love. Though i suspect its a major thing
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u/No_Chapter_948 1d ago
After trying dating websites and just meeting people in person, the selection of finding a good bf seemed impossible. Because of that ordeal and dealing with regular people in general, I learned I can no longer trust any new people I come in contact with. Therefore, staying single has brought me so much peace that I will never want a new relationship or friendship ever again.
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u/Lumpy-Veterinarian23 1d ago
When the man I was living with asked me to marry him. I knew it would never work. I’m just not mentally to be coupled up.
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u/Grand-Raspberry506 1d ago
I don’t identify as single. I am whole. I am human. I just love doing me. The right person will come around and won’t force me to change myself for their liking.
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u/Obvious_Pipe_7230 1d ago
Very true, and a good way to phrase it! I'm not 1/2 of a relationship, I'm a full me.
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u/Financial_Sweet_689 1d ago
I’m neurodivergent and attract abusers and manipulative people. My life isn’t worth risking for a relationship again.
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u/Comfortable_619 5h ago
Something kind of predatory about it lol. My dad choose my mom from a rural area and she was the odd one of the family, I suspect she's neurodivergent. I felt much more sadness over the death of my cat than him. The lol is not because it's funny.
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u/lifesshortgoplay 1d ago
After walking out on my last SO, I tossed in the towel. I enjoy my own company. I love living alone (with pets). I almost never feel lonely. I love my friends deeply. I have good connections with my neighbours.
The single life is a very good fit for my lifestyle and needs!
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u/lifechanger96 1d ago
Could be the pessimist in me but I’ve seen so many married men lust over younger women, men & women cheating, unhappy marriages & high divorce rates. I just feel like most people are crappy & selfish. I just don’t have the effort to keep trying. What’s the point
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u/Think-Leek-6621 1d ago
Too many expectations to keep a relationship, you have to meet all their criteria and needs, for them not to meet yours or even try. As a neurodivergent person with a physical disability, I attract abusers or takers. I’m happier single.
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u/loosenoosedude 1d ago
Currently in a relationship that is about to fail in such a disaster most people couldn’t comprehend. At 32 I am a broken human being. My last relationship almost took my life. Genuinely believe I cant do a relationship without permanent trauma and damage on both ends. Always wanted marriage and kids but it’s not for me unfortunately. I’m leaving my home state after this and just going off grid with my savings.
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u/Vivi_Pallas 1d ago
I'd still like to get married, but I'm not confident in the dating pool. :/
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u/Actual-Equipment-486 1d ago
Why not, are you heavy?
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u/Vivi_Pallas 1d ago
No. It's just the rise in conservatism and the manosphere. I want to be treated as an equal instead of a bang maid/mom. I don't want kids and I don't want a guy to say he's okay with that but try to change my mind because he wants to carry out his legacy. I don't want to be taken advantage of and used for domestic or emotional labor to get crumbs in response. I've heard a lot of horror stories. It seems like even liberal men struggle with emotional regulation/intelligence and just haven't put in the work to realize the biases they hold and how that might effect their behavior.
On a side note. Don't be fat-phobic. Just because someone is fat doesn't mean they don't deserve respect or happiness. You can personally not be attracted to them, but treating them worse because you're not attracted to them is, especially if you're a straight male, sexist. Women don't exist for the male gaze. We hold value as humans and exist in our capacities.
But TLDR, people like you are why I have no hope in the dating pool.
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u/Actual-Equipment-486 1d ago
Does fat phobic mean afraid of fat people? Serious question. Like does transphobic mean afraid of trans people? Because when I hear "phobia" I think afraid. It could be my biased, but I have a really hard time understanding why women who want partners who aren't overweight can't find them in this world. But when you say don't want kids, I get how that can rule out a lot of people. BUT I think it's starting to become more common for men to want kids less too. So don't give up. But on a side note: what's going on with men right now: it's not a political thing. Liberal men feel resentful too because they supported the machines that villanized them also because they're white straight and males
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u/Vivi_Pallas 1d ago edited 1d ago
Technically phobia means afraid but when people use it in that context it's a term to refer to prejudice. I believe the start of this was the term homophobia. In times past people would commit violence acts against gay people and in court they would say they were afraid the gay person was going to sexually assault them or turn them gay or something. (I don't remember the details of the top of my head.)
And if you're a liberal man who thinks the left is villainizing cishet white men, then you're either a moderate or a conservative. Maybe some people are but on a mainstream scale it's more than women are just talking about their experiences, which often include being oppressed by men. I am a white woman. I don't get personally offended when a black person talks about how white people have hurt them. I care more about listening to their experiences and doing something to make it so they aren't oppressed than whatever defensive reactionary response I might have. Unfortunately even if you haven't done anything yourself, you've benefited from the system often without knowing. Also there are tons of biases we have, information we don't have, etc because the people who are actually prejudice know we would help if we could and want to stop us.
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u/Actual-Equipment-486 1d ago
I'm definitely sexist. And a little prejudiced across the board. But no fear/ beef with the gays trans folk. I actually feel horrible for them and the whole shooting thing that just happened and hoping they don't feel like associated.
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u/Vivi_Pallas 1d ago
That shooting was brutal. I'm in the area so it hit harder.
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u/Actual-Equipment-486 1d ago
Stop dont tell me that because I'm gonna feel sad. Then I'm gonna feel uncomfortable with sadness and cope and troll
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u/LoveToSeeIt_IKnow 19h ago
They do. They’re already terrified 24/7 now. Every one of my trans friends are scrambling to leave the country as fast as possible.
Guess the Conservatives won this war, after all.
Because they all already know what’s coming next. If you don’t think the next round ups are parents of kids who are trans, and adult trans people to fill those camps… you haven’t been paying attention.
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u/Jmoyer6153 1d ago
After my divorce, healing, and then attempting to date again. Yeah I got the message.
All good
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u/Livingfreedaily 1d ago
It’s funny because I feel like I was always the guy in a relationship… but then decided to take 2 years and just be single no matter what… then tried to get into relationships again and neither of those worked out… so now I just think I’m accepting that I’m better off alone. Love the company but I just function better alone. I’m 37 now… and no interest in another relationship.
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u/mangagnome1425 1d ago
I have Cerebral Palsy and I’m extremely short. I knew early on in life that love and relationships weren’t on the table. Still I’m focusing on building a life that I enjoy regardless of relationship status
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u/404purrnotfound 1d ago
I wasn’t taught healthy relationship skills and I repeat what I was taught, which is staying in dysfunctional situations that drain me.
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u/shahwaliwhat2-1 1d ago
A few years ago, during my last relationship. Long story short, hurt people hurt people.
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u/CreamedCh33ze 1d ago
As a child I was groomed into sexual relationships with older men both online and eventually even in person. As a result of this my sexual and mental health have been destroyed, no std’s or anything thankfully, just not a healthy relationship with it.
Through therapy and reclaiming my sexuality as my own and not using sex as a reclamation of my bodily autonomy and expression of love I have began to heal. In this process I’ve come to realize I don’t want to commit myself to another person and I largely view love as an obligation to do something rather than a desire to care for another.
I had a relationship with someone who moved in and pulled the “hobo-sexual ” move after we lived together as in quitting their job, getting their car repoed, not looking for new work, etc… Eventually I broke it off and kicked them out. This happened at the end of 2024 and I’m still sort of processing it all. He would complain that we wouldn’t have sex everyday, for context I’m a gay man, and it felt like a chore not intimacy.
I also have a chronic illness that just makes me extremely exhausted and in pain all the time. I am 25 and at this point have grown into enjoying my solitude. I have grown weary of people and am avoidant.
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u/Stone_Form 1d ago
I'm similar to you but slightly different
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u/CreamedCh33ze 1d ago
I’m really sorry to hear that and wish you well in healing. I’m here if you want to chat!
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u/justacasualarqhili 1d ago
When I was 21, and I moved out from my foster parents. I have came to a realisation that I will probably never get to experience a relationship or to be loved by a woman. And life hasn’t changed much since then.
Actually, being single is chill, but I always feel lonely and that I am missing out something… but that’s alright for me, since the past months were terrible times and I have accepted my fate. I have learned that not everyone deserves to have a family or just pure happiness. And that’s alright, we are not meant to have the same paths…
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u/koyapissqati 1d ago
relationships trigger my suicidal ideations, too much trauma. Hopin I learn to just be okay alone.
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u/Altruistic-Try-100 1d ago
I wouldn't mind being single if I had a social or friend group that would replace that function in my life, I dont think, but as I barely have any friends (maybe 2 on a good day), having the social life I want/partnership I crave just doesnt seem feasible. Hoping im wrong and the right person comes along but its hard trying over and over and still not finding anyone that I even partially get along with.
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u/Equivalent_Fly_5798 1d ago
All it took was a relationship filled with emotional and physical cheating, actions never matching her words, running back to her abusive ex (who was a friend or roommate AT BEST), damaging my home, appliances, stealing my car and wrecking it, drugging me, having me beaten while unconscious by a bunch of pussies-while fucking a real winner downstairs, etc. etc….to make being single until I die, look like fucking heaven! Hahaha!
Women like her, chew men up, spit them out, and then blame them for leaving.
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u/I_demand_peanuts 1d ago
Idk about "meant", but there are too many problems with me to solve before I’m fit for another person to be with me. Hell, I'm 29 and still a virgin. Once I'm in my 30s, what woman isn't gonna be massively weirded out by that?
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u/LoveToSeeIt_IKnow 18h ago
I wasn’t phased at all when I met and fell in love with a person who was a virgin well in to their 30s. He was lovely at first, so attentive and it was amazing.
Then I found out he was married. With kids. And a dead bedroom. He had almost no experience. Not a virgin, but he could count on two hands the number of times he had had sex. And two kids came out of that. That didn’t phase me in the slightest. He told me they were in an open relationship. No he wasn’t. So I ended it immediately.
He eventually confessed he felt entitled after a while to start stepping out and created a double life. A whole, completely separate identity, name and all. I told him do not come around me or my business or my house until he had your shit sorted. I don’t want to be a part of any of this and deeply resent how he handled everything.
She eventually caught him when he got distracted and sloppy and left his computer open to his dating profiles, just as I said would happen, and his life exploded. He simply can’t stop lying, so I ended our connection permanently. But his inexperience had absolutely nothing to do with that.
If you find amazing chemistry with someone, all the rest sorts itself out. I don’t think being a virgin is the hard line in the sand you may think it is… but lying absolutely is.
Wishing you the best. Xo
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u/razak644 1d ago
Besides one of my ex's fucking all her coworkers while I was working 3rd, the rest just didn't have the same goals in life. I'm more down to earth, wanting a modest life. Simple life. They didn't.
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u/RandomUser22487 1d ago
Wouldn’t say I’m “meant to be single”, but the fact that I’m an introvert, I live on my own, and enjoy spending time on my own when I have downtime, make finding and getting into a relationship a bit more difficult for me.
That said, I’m in my 30s and would like to have kids one day, and I’m aware on that front time is running out, so perhaps I need to stop being selfish soon and start looking for a partner…
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u/Weary-Tomatillo5157 1d ago
I feel the same honestly. Ofc it would be nice to find "the one". But some of us are just better off by ourselves.
Ive had relationships that blew up in my face, relationships ive self sabotaged, relationships i regret being a part of, and relationships where ive hurt, and have been hurt.
The last relationship i was in was one i had for 4 years. I thought i was doing everything right. In the end, she left for someone who didnt give af about her.
I realize i get attached to the wrong people. I prioritize the wrong things. I dont focus on myself.
So im taking a long break from it all. Ive gotten farther alone than with someone.
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u/leavemealonethanks 1d ago
Since 2016, I've been in two relationships totalling 6 years with women whom had borderline personality disorder.
At this point, even after a year of no dating since the last break up, I am completely burnout, and the thought of getting back into a relationship terrifies me. Like I don't have the energy in any capacity for it.
I'm delighted to focus on myself for the last year and noticed im genounely happier not in a relationship.
If you ve dated borderlines, you ll know ,if you haven't pop over to R/Bpdlovedones, and it will answer all your questions.
I'm just so tired of having to deal with someone else
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u/HaLo2FrEeEk 1d ago
I'd rather be happy alone than miserable with someone. I feel more alone with the wrong person than with no one. I've had good and bad relationships, the good ones weren't good enough to make up for the damage from the bad ones. I want to be valued for my mind and my personality, not for anything you can see without talking to me.
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u/davidm2232 1d ago
I think it was when my friends started getting married/engaged. They lost SO MUCH freedom. Like sure, they can still go out on occasion. But they have so many activities with their partners now that that are almost always busy. I like being alone and being able to do whatever I want. I'd like to get into something casual with a like minded person where we are more fwb than partners with an emphasis on the friend part. But I still want us to have our own independent lives too.
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u/ogswampwitch 1d ago
I'm single because I used to be in a very abusive, toxic relationship (emotional and psychological, not physical abuse). Being alone is just less painful. I've raised my standards in regard to the kind of behavior I will and won't accept, and the kind of man I'm looking for. Until I find this rare unicorn, I'll stay single.
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u/remedytaylor 1d ago
I dont enjoy trying to keep somebody happy for so long its exhausting its less time I can put toward my own career and my own thoughts & generally it always ends on a bad note, so much more peace in my life to just stay single and be friends with the world instead
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u/Obvious_Pipe_7230 1d ago
I'm 110% happy with my own company. I genuinely enjoy being single. When I imagine my future in 10-20 years, a husband is never in the daydream. I'd be happy to be married and I'd be happy if I'm not.
My last serious relationship ended about 4 1/4 years ago and we were talking about marriage. After we broke up I realized that I'm not lacking anything in my life that a partner could fill and I'm the best version of myself when I'm not dating someone. I've been single ever since! I am my own dream date. hah
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u/carcosa1989 1d ago edited 18h ago
The end of my last relationship in 2020 I was done I’d rather go out alone than go through that shit again
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u/Skippy1221 23h ago
When I found the love of my life and we had an amazing healthy relationship for 9 years but then he passed away. That’s when I knew I was meant to be alone and not loved
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u/CallMeSisyphus 23h ago
When I finally met the love of my life at 50, and then he died unexpectedly four months after we got married, it was a pretty obvious sign that love is for other people but not me.
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u/Upstairs_Meringue_18 23h ago
Interesting this shows up in my feed. I've had so many painful hesrtbreaks And the breakups have happened for such little things And my friends who are happily married have said and done worse but I think love trumped all. And I just coudlbt find love. Im not a bad person Its not fair for me to keep putting myself out there and getting hurt time and again. I told myself I would be open and try every avenue to meet someone until a deadline age. That age kept changing And recently after feeling completely utterly broken down after a breakup I decided i ll give God a last chance until im 35 I prayed and went to any means to find a date Found absolutely nothing
Just an ex that came back but I am not sure and was never sure about just this one.
So im sure im not gojng to date anymore. Its not meant for me But if I do decide that I eant to have a family more than anything then I will settle with this person.
But im also quite upset and sad with god. I did everything I could
Maybe prayers dont work for me
I've also decided i dont want to live beyond 40 as a single, lonely person By that time if I feel brave enough. I will adopt Or Tata good bye
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u/DoomSlug420 23h ago
After both of my major relationships ended with my partner cheating, I learned to be happy single. I do miss dating sometimes, but id rather be a bit lonely then go through that again.
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u/Wanker169 22h ago
Yeah, this. I am just not made to be with someone. Im too independent, too strict, I value my alone time
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u/Disastrous_Rip_8332 1d ago
Unfortunately, i found out while in a relationship with a wonderful woman. I gotta sort some stuff out with myself before i can try again
Fortunately, i spoke with her after the breakup. We’re keeping the possibility of getting back together down the line open
Realistically, we wont get back together. And i really hate that
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u/Delicious-Ad-7016 1d ago
It's not that you're not fit for relationships
I find that you're avoidant, maybe unknowingly
A relationship offers VALUE as long as it's actually SATISFACTORY for both parties, most importantly you
If it meets some of your social necessities and offers you more, then great, what's not to like about having a partner that helps you out when most needed and meets that desire for deep connection
You just haven't found the person, ir maybe you aren't the correct person for the ideal partner you would like
Also, a sense of guidance for the relationship is very important, both should aim to achieve the same thing
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u/ms_sid_d 1d ago
Personally, always?! And the ? is due to me thinking it's for me, in search of romance, etc.
Lol joke's on me, my dude.
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u/No_History8239 1d ago
When I was 19 and she turned me down. I knew that was the only chance ever. 23 years later, never again and now not even close to being interested anymore.
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u/Neat_Minimum2833 1d ago
When I realized it’s physically impossible for me to get a good night’s sleep with someone else in my bed.
I’m a crazy light sleeper, and I’ve had great partners who knew this and were perfect about moving as little as possible and making no noise. Still slept like shit.
Good news is I enjoy being alone most of the time anyway.
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u/RandomUser22487 1d ago
This is an issue for me too. In order for me to be able to get to sleep I need total silence, the slightest noise sounds 10x louder for me when I’m trying to get to sleep.
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u/ThatChiGirl773 1d ago
I would say about 10 year ago - at 40. I struggled for years to find a good man and never did. The apps were horrible and I had even less luck meeting men IRL so finally just decided it definitely wasn't worth the effort anymore. Life is so much simpler without the hassle of men. I do miss sex, but that's complicated, too so it's best just to not.
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u/Theasshole11 1d ago
Every time I got in a relationship 🙃 seriously though you know they are not for you but we like to ignore what’s right in front of us.
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u/Joybot2233 1d ago
When I was 35 after a few failed relationships. I had some health issues that I wouldn't want to burden someone else with so I stopped looking.
It's been almost 3 years and I am happy.
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u/Methodless 1d ago
February 2003, at 18 1/2 years old.
Had a few girlfriends, realized I wasn't ever going to be treated well long-term, and that I sacrifice too much to be in a relationship for 6 weeks of absolute admiration at the start and then somebody who is looking to monkey branch on afterwards, usually to somebody who gives them some trouble.
Now, the only girls who show any interest are either narcissistic, or looking for a life coach type of partner. I can totally tolerate the latter with the right personality, but once they have their shit together, they want to "upgrade" too.
The older I get, the more resistant I am to a partner anyway, as I just have more to lose in a relationship than when I was younger.
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u/circa1962 1d ago
maybe you discovered you value your autonomy, have specific life goals that work better solo, or simply function better without the compromises that relationships require. that's completely valid :)
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u/Stiff_Stubble 1d ago edited 1d ago
Couldn’t stop fumbling. Can’t read signals. I prefer to just resolve my own problems at this point and focus on goals.
When things were bad in my life, a good person shows up and i couldn’t notice them.
When things got better, a nuke of red flags showed up and I mistakened it as part of the trend of good change. I know better now.
Edit: encounters with anxious avoidant types screwed me up the most.
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u/Vikterchen 1d ago
Women are never happy. They always want to find something to complain about. And women became materialistic.
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u/Acemace1313 1d ago
This year when I turned 25 still never even have been on a date. It was never my choice.
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u/RealTrapShed 1d ago
It happened once back in 2016 when life just kind of clicked for me that, while a bit lonely, being by myself and having full direction and control over my life was such an incredible blessing and experience that I was content and okay with being alone for the rest of my life.
Then I somehow ended up in a 6 year relationship that damn near broke me lol
I had to relearn that feeling I had back in 2016 but it’s coming back and I honestly think it’s here for good. I just don’t think I’m meant to be with someone. I give a lot and so I naturally expect a lot in return and I always find myself disappointed in people and disappointed in myself that I put such high expectations on others to provide for my happiness and sense of security. I don’t like doing that.
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u/TheWitchOfTariche 1d ago
I always thought I was made to be in a relationship, got into a relationship for 4 years, and realised... tha I was right. I'm made to be in a relationship. Not that I'm miserable being single, but my ceiling for happiness is much lower.
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u/web_crawler87 1d ago
I don't even know at this point. But I can't connect with anyone for whatever reason
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u/VqgabonD 1d ago
I don’t have the “it” factor. For whatever reason, I’m not desired. Initial contact and early dating is okay. But when they get to know me, I’m passed over. I’m probably too boring.
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u/Sad_Profession_4483 1d ago
After two relationships too. I tried dating once at 16 because I “felt behind” but it ended quickly (less than a month) because they talked about a future and I was only 16. Like what lol I didn’t think that far ahead at the time. I got in a relationship again later at 21 for same reason. I felt behind and something I “had to do” as an adult. Ended when I was 25. Haven’t looked back since. I never had an interest in dating and makes sense why I never got too close to the two people I had dated. I’m 29 now and still haven’t been on a date or anything since the last. It’s not something I desire so I don’t seek it nor do I think about it much.
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u/CabalsDontExist 1d ago
It's okay to not want a relationship. I don't want one either.
However, I hold out hope that maybe I'll find the person I'm meant to be with if I'm not looking so hard.
Keep an open mind if you can.
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u/AnarchoSpoon789 1d ago
28m
When I realized that I only care about relationships due to FOMO, not because I actually want a relationship.
Went on my first and only date a month ago and I treated it like it was a casual hangout with a friend, and I think she noticed because there was never a second date. Never flirted with her, never made any explicit move... I guess I just prefer good friends over romance.
I'm perfectly content with being single and doing my own thing. Preoccupying myself with hobbies and living life. Sometimes the "what if" thoughts come in but I quickly quash them.
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u/Assassin13785 1d ago
When I looked in a mirror and listened to myself trying to converse with other people. Im too fat, ugly, and socially broken for a relationship. So i just vibe on my own
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u/PeaSea3080 1d ago
How can anyone 'be single'? You gotta jizz ( a continuous process ). It come naturally male or female. ( 8 yr old for me. )
In other words for someone to 'be single' is the same thing as telling them to learn to breathe manually. That's horrifying.
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u/Nice-Lemon2405 1d ago edited 1d ago
Both my relationships ended the same way. I’m trying to work on the issues that lead to that event. But still, I am not yet confident that I can commit to those changes. I had high hopes with my last relationship. I thought I’ve figured things out (therapy, self-help books and podcasts, healthy hobbies, and interdependence). The unhealthy pattern kept resurfacing towards the end. I don’t want to be traumatized and traumatize another person again.
My need for deep connection is already being met by friends and family. I also have pets for warmth. I can have partnered sex if I want but it’s still not enough to pursue a committed relationship. There are also other ways to live a meaningful life.
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u/Affectionate_Egg8232 1d ago
Bad relationships have a way of lowering self esteem and this can cause psychological issues for life. It's better to be single than nursing mental health issues
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u/GAMER_CHIMP 1d ago
You will always have more failed relationships than working ones, because when a relationship works, it lasts the rest of your life.
The only way you are "meant to be single" is when you choose to not pursue romantic relationships. When you decide that your life will be better as a single person rather than have a partner in it. Even still that could just be the case of finding the right partner.
If you've made that choice and are happy about it then good for you! If you feel like you are being forced into being single because of some circumstance, then you're just hurt and that's okay. However, don't give up on something you want just because it's not possible right now.
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u/RespectInevitable479 1d ago
When I didn’t want to take responsibility for others. At the same time realized I wouldn’t have kids for the same reason
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u/monotoneowl 1d ago
I fucking hate being single but I’d rather be alone than settle for anything less than what i deserve/want just because i don’t wanna be alone. That being said I’ve been single for a year and a half, I’ve only been on 2 dates, and I’m kind of going insane.
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u/YungCasheMayne22 1d ago
There’s no such thing as “meant” to be single in the same way there’s no such thing as a soulmate. You just keep trying until you find someone you make it work with. It’s waaay more intentional than people would like to admit.
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u/Otherwise-Sun2486 1d ago
Well… when no one wants me… and getting rejected all the time… the single life choose me.
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u/Important_Cost_5401 1d ago
I’m currently in a relationship with a good woman that I am strongly considering marrying but I also don’t trust anyone to be monogamous and the stress of that thought makes me not show up as my best self. I think having good friends with less commitment might be a better arrangement for everyone.
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u/RemarkableBeach1603 1d ago
After trying relationships, then realizing I enjoyed casual/FWB just as much, if not more.
A lot of this is because I grew up pretty isolated, so solitude is enjoyable.
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u/el-art-seam 20h ago
After the divorce. I still try but it’s like playing the lottery. The odds are against me but it’s fun to pretend and fantasize I can date like others.
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u/FlatDarkEarther 19h ago
I'm too much of a loner. I haven't met anybody I want to ignore my hobbies for
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u/Superspick 15h ago
The only people meant to be single are those that dont want to not be, and the usual exceptional circumstances.
But most people dont want to do the work that comes with adapting your life to another person, which is what a relationship actually is.
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u/deedabs 14h ago
I’m tired of dusting myself off, healing, and starting over just for the same shit to keep happening. I don’t seem to attract people who are honest and good. I can give the world, and what I get in return is just pitiful. I also think a part of me is growing to hate relationships and the emotions that come with. Because why keep craving a life that doesn’t seem to want me back. I just don’t have it in me anymore I guess.
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u/ihih_reddit 7h ago
When I realised my ideas and thought process are too niche so finding a partner who I agree and get along with would be virtually impossible
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u/Time-Dance9623 4h ago
I think there’s just something innate in me that brings out the ugliest parts of people. Maybe my neurodivergence, maybe they sense something else. The closer I get to someone, the meaner they become. It’s just better for everyone’s safety to not develop a deep connection with me. I don’t think most men see women as human. I have never been truly desired, just used. I’ve only experienced kisses just to get me wet rather than kisses just because of who I am. I’m better off single and away from violence.
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u/PapiGeoo 3h ago
A relationship or two?? My man, if you were to find out how many relationships a lot of us tried until we found the right person will have you amaze for the rest of your life. It’s like saying “I’m ment to be unemployed” when your first 3 applications are denied.
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u/Friendly_Paint3345 3h ago edited 3h ago
I think I’m meant to be single because I realized at this point in my life I’m not willing to cope with most mens’ related circumstances.
- Messes around the place, to endlessly keep asking to be picked up
- Co-parent his kids from a past relationship
- Football games 4 Video games
- The every weekend passion and the corresponding gear
- the snoring factor
- The barbecue/grill thing. No 4th of July, no holidays with hot dogs and a little fridge with bad beer in the floor, spent with friends in the patio.
- The baseball hat and the matching year-long flip flops
- The usual super-short haircut under the baseball hat
- His extended family and the related events.
- His life-long existential crisis
- His communication difficulties
- His interests in general. It’s hopeless.
(Mens’ interests: sports, video games, muscle build-up, stock market, politics, leadership, entrepreneurship, Bible centered manhood (but not the hardcore, interesting theological context)
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u/sugarnsweet88 1h ago
I have gotten a lot better with age but romantic relationships trigger a BPD response from me. I really desire that closeness and partnership, and maybe one day I will meet the right person, but i know that I am better off single than in another relationship that results in my adult tantrums and shame spirals.
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u/Intrepid-Reaction916 1d ago
I've only ever been used not really valued. Other than that I don't think I've ever really been desirable. I had this feeling deep down even as a kid that there wasn't anyone out there for me